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What's the sense in the marriage tax penalty?

Can anyone explain the politics behind the marriage tax penalty? [more inside]
posted by drpynchon on Mar 23, 2013 - 16 answers

Married women - give a newlywed man your best marriage advice

I'm a 34-year-old man, married for six months to my 33-year-old wife. Everything is perfect right now, but I realize that things can change. Life happens. Obviously, I want it to stay as happy as possible for as long as we're together. So what I'd like are tips on how to maintain it from the female point of view. If you have a number of years of successful marriage under your belt, what has your husband done right all this time? [more inside]
posted by fso on Mar 21, 2013 - 35 answers

How do I make up for 10 years of blowing her off?

I've been married for a few more than 10 years. For most of that time, I did not really listen to my wife or honor her goals and desires for our life together. Starting in 2012, I have made a change in my attitude and actions, and we are communicating and making significant progress in our relationship. If it were just making the current state of affairs good, I think we're on a good track and we'd be ok. My question is: How do I make up for the previous ~10 years? If you want to email: accommodatee@mail.com. Thanks in advance for any advice, here or via email. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 20, 2013 - 30 answers

I am growing. My husband is not. It is opening a distance between us.

My husband and I (a woman) have been together about 15 years now. I have become more self-reflective over time; I know myself better, I am less likely to react impulsively, etc. My husband seems stuck in the same place he was when he was 25 years old. I am feeling us growing apart and it is stressing me out; I want to understand why he doesn't seem to be growing any further, and whether there's anything I can or should do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2013 - 95 answers

Marrying a relative

Someone I know is dating his aunt's(dad's sister) grand daughter. Age difference 6 years. And spoke to me about this, I mentioned I am not sure about the custom. They both have higher education, have good job and decent family people. What would their relationship be second cousin once removed? Is it socially/religiously accepatable if they end up in altar, have kids etc?
posted by globalbuddy on Mar 19, 2013 - 43 answers

Engaging with a wife that doesn't seem to have a sex drive?

Resources, books, tips, anecdotes for a man dealing with a wife that doesn't seem to have an inherent sex drive? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 18, 2013 - 48 answers

The quest to Cat Lady-dom

I don't think I want kids and that scares me. [more inside]
posted by thank you silence on Mar 17, 2013 - 54 answers

Planning to have a baby before getting married?

So, I'm trying to get some opinions here: My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months and are in our mid-20s. We are both in school (undergrad for him, grad for me), but due to my income, we wanted to wait one more year, so that it would be financially better for us (e.g., paying tuition, etc). We are both interested in having children, however, something has come up for me health-wise (ulcerative colitis) that would make it less safe (because of medications) to have a baby later on, compared with now. Here are my questions for you: 1) Would you have a baby before marriage? What would be the reasons? 2) Has anyone actively planned this before? How did it work out? I know some would say suck it up and push up the wedding, but it would save us a good 20K or so.
posted by queenba on Mar 16, 2013 - 49 answers

Speeding up the marriage timeline, need advice

We want to get married, but need to do it much quicker than expected for visa/insurance reasons. How to handle it (snowflakes within)? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2013 - 21 answers

How does marriage affect ownership of a house?

My fiancee asked me when I would add her name to the house, which I purchased by myself before meeting her. How to best handle this situation? [more inside]
posted by deadweightloss on Mar 13, 2013 - 19 answers

Spock loves Kirk but fails miserably as Troi

Dear Vulcan Homeworld, I want to learn how to converse better with my wife. Currently my overly-logical thought and speech patterns upset her, frequently in ways I'm unable even to predict. She deserves better. I've struggled on my own to come up with dozens of different approaches, all of which have ultimately failed in different ways, so I come to you for help. [more inside]
posted by blue_and_bronze on Mar 12, 2013 - 39 answers

It would almost be better if it were hookers and blow.

My SO and I are in a delicate and precarious financial & marital state and from my perspective he's actively fucking things up for us all. What can I do to get us on the right track? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 12, 2013 - 65 answers

Is there a way I can nip my depressive moods in the bud?

I have major depression, and I am receiving treatment. However, I am still not master of my own mood, and now I would like some specific tips, pointers and ideas on how to stop myself from harassing my poor husband about imaginary problems. [more inside]
posted by ADent on Mar 8, 2013 - 15 answers

Directors and Marriage Longevity

How many successful Film Directors are happily married...to their first wife (or husband)? Answers may be given as an estimated percentage if that's easier. [more inside]
posted by mousepad on Mar 7, 2013 - 18 answers

Prepping for amicable split... Cliff Notes me

Spouse and I calmly decided it's over. Help me prepare. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 1, 2013 - 15 answers

Cold Feet or Reasonable Doubts?

My boyfriend treats me wonderfully, like I'm the most important thing on the planet. Now, we are taking our first steps down a very quick path towards Full Lifetime Committment: moving-in, with the understanding that marriage and kids will follow shortly. (Why the speed? I'm 37 with some history of ladytroubles that require maximum time to try and get pregnant.) I was feeling very ready for all this 2-3 months ago, but now am having doubts. Help! Are these standard cold feet, or do you spot any red flags here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 27, 2013 - 26 answers

Need advice on co-ownership of a house

My partner and I are looking into buying a house Do we need to get married in order to have protections relating to said house (including inheritance of the house if one of us dies + the ability to sell the house and divide the money if we break up)? [more inside]
posted by NoraReed on Feb 26, 2013 - 12 answers

To stay [gone] or go [back]?

My wife and I separated a few months ago (which was my choice, not hers) and it seems that many of the things that I left over may have been addressed, but I still feel cagey about it all. How do I square this circle in my head and in my heart? Blizzard inside. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Feb 26, 2013 - 40 answers

My dream wedding is a courthouse ceremony

We've decided to get married. Yay! I am the female half of a straight couple, if that matters. In the near future, we want to go to our local (US) courthouse and have a civil ceremony with just a judge and our immediate families present: his parents, my parents, his sibling+partner, my sibling+partner+child. Later this year, we'll throw an informal party and invite our extended circles to that as a larger celebration/reception. Our immediate families are supportive of this plan and just want us to be happy, but I have already gotten some pushback from friends and it gave me pause. So I guess I have questions about the practicality and etiquette of our plan and... whatever else we haven't thought about. Neither of us has been married before. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 53 answers

My 1st year of marriage is tough. Wife may be a workaholic. What do do?

My [possibly workaholic] wife works seven days a week as a ski instructor. I live and work two hours away during the week, and then I drive up to see her on the weekends. When I'm there on the weekends, I spend an average of four hours a week with her. Usually she is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from working so much. Needless to say, it does not feel like she is there for me. When I tell her I would like to spend more time with her, she tells me I'm too needy and dependent on her. I would like her to take off a Saturday or Sunday every week so we can spend time together. Is that asking for too much? What other requests/things can I do to make life more manageable? Thanks for your help. P.S. You get bonus points if you have worked in the ski industry and can explain how difficult it is to ask for weekends off! :-)
posted by speedoavenger on Feb 24, 2013 - 53 answers

How to Deal with Maybe-Possible-Impending Marriage Proposal

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under 3 years, and we have lived together for over one year. We are in our late twenties. We are extremely compatible 90% of the time, have so much fun together, are mutually supportive, generally very communicative, and love each other deeply. We get along with each others' families, we travel and live well together, and we share so many interests. I am ready to marry the man, and he is maybe/kinda/sorta ready to marry me. Ouch! [more inside]
posted by tentwentythirty on Feb 22, 2013 - 57 answers

Laid Off Spouse

My husband just got laid off from his position today. It's with a large company and he had excellent reviews but their revenue stream has not been up to par. They told him his position has been eliminated. However, he is welcome to reapply if and when blah, blah, blah... My concern is what is the right way to help him. He has never been laid off before and for the most part never thought this could happen. He is very optimistic by nature. He does seem a little shell shocked. My job is not going to be able to support our family. What are the first things we should do? I am also concerned about his mental well being and being a supportive partner while he looks for a new job. To make matters worse (or whatever) we have one in college, one applying to colleges, one getting ready to apply, and one freshman in high school.
posted by lasamana on Feb 22, 2013 - 25 answers

Courtship/Marriage in the U.S. during Victorian Era

Do you know of any websites, textbooks, regular books, podcasts, magazine articles, movie clips, etc, having to do with the multitude of rules that couples during the Victorian era were subjected to? Have to be at least somewhat credible. More details inside. [more inside]
posted by camylanded on Feb 22, 2013 - 19 answers

I want to not need this validation.

I think I have a problem with self esteem. Objectively, I know that I am a physically attractive person. This has been confirmed by plenty of people throughout my life. I want more than anything to be told by my husband that I am beautiful in certain ways, but he can't or won't. I don't want to need something from him that he is unable to give. How can I either stop focusing on this, or learn how to validate myself without his input? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2013 - 33 answers

Help me help my husband get his mojo back.

My husband is suffering the sexual doldrums of early middle age. Unfortunately, it's a catch-22: you have to be motivated to seek help...but when your sex drive is that low, you really don't care. How can I help him even want to have sex again? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2013 - 30 answers

On the brink of divorce, don't know what the hell to do about our cat

I think my marriage may be irreparably broken. The idea of splitting up is agonizing, but if things don't turn around soon, I can't stay. But. I don't know what to do about our cat, and it's tearing me apart. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2013 - 39 answers

Why do people get divorced after many, many years together?

It seems to me that if you've been fairly happy for many (10 - 25) years, this trend would continue. For many people that doesn't seem to be the case. I am interested in hearing theories or experiences regarding that. How can something that worked for so long cease to work so suddenly?
posted by Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night on Feb 19, 2013 - 71 answers

Is my partner's shouting unusual?

I have a good husband who treats me well. But he shouts in arguments every once in a while -- once every couple of months, maybe -- and I don't have a good sense of whether I'm overreacting to this. I'm curious: Is there an appropriate way to shout in an argument or is it always inappropriate? And do you or your spouse shout? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 18, 2013 - 44 answers

Can't we just be happy the way we were?

Girlfriend pushing relationship faster than I'm comfortable with, any way to hit the brakes? [more inside]
posted by el_yucateco on Feb 15, 2013 - 100 answers

How can I make my marriage work?

Need advice to sort out my marriage after a very stressful time - very extended explanation inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2013 - 15 answers

OK, I was wrong. But YOU were wrong, TOO!

Marital quarrel where both partners were equally at fault (in different, unrelated ways). What are some frameworks/techniques for talking this out evenhandedly without the conversation shifting to be mostly about only one person's concerns, ignoring the other's? [more inside]
posted by Bardolph on Feb 12, 2013 - 27 answers

Marriage on the rocks, but the rest of my life is a disaster too

My marriage is in bad shape and I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband for his lack of initiative, follow-through, and logistical/emotional support within our household, especially during times of crisis. But right now I feel like I'm dealing with the mother of all crises, and on a practical level it would be folly to leave for at least a year, nor will I be in a position to focus on giving him one last honest shot at fixing things for months. What tools/attitudes/approaches can I adopt or employ to keep from making things worse and even more unsalveagable over the next few months? [more inside]
posted by SomeTrickPony on Feb 8, 2013 - 17 answers

I'm 36 and immature in love. How can I get some grown up perspective?

I am happily married but have fallen in love with someone else. I think the intensity of my feelings for this other man is due to the fact that I’ve only ever been in one relationship before; I think I am experiencing this the way a teenager would. How do I get over this ‘in love’ feeling? [more inside]
posted by Lollie1974 on Feb 8, 2013 - 14 answers

What to do about an unwanted critter living in our house?

About three years ago, my wife was visiting her mother when they discovered a cute puppy running around on the property. The mother took the puppy home and there was great rejoicing. Flash forward one year. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 7, 2013 - 45 answers

Accidental polyamory: is this how it's supposed to work?

Should I be worried about the direction my casual relationship with a married guy is heading in? If so, how do I tactfully deal with it? [more inside]
posted by houndsoflove on Feb 4, 2013 - 36 answers

They told me the first year of marriage would be a tricky one...

This is a question for those of you who are married (or have an SO): When it comes to things like personal correspondence, is there still such a thing as privacy? [more inside]
posted by Telpethoron on Feb 2, 2013 - 65 answers

Whats it really like, an adult relationship... minus the fantasy?

Because I am prone to bouts of idealization and sometimes don't have my feet rooted in reality, I want to hear from those who are happily married or in a committed relationship with someone with whom they plan to build a life with. I have *not one* real life example of a healthy functioning adult relationship, and although I have periods of loneliness, I can't imagine living like any of the people around me do. Are all relationships just people fitting into each others dysfunctions? Are there real ones out there that work, or is that the fantasy ideal that we all chase after and never achieve? [more inside]
posted by tenaciousmoon on Feb 2, 2013 - 18 answers

Talk to me about being married, but choosing to live apart.

Talk to me about being married, but choosing to live apart. It sounds... awesome, for so many reasons. And I have heard that people do this. But I don't know any real people who have done it. If you or someone you know has this type of relationship, i'd like to know more about your experience. Examples of the type of stuff I want to know is: [more inside]
posted by windykites on Feb 2, 2013 - 10 answers

Need Boston area marriage counseling

Hello. The other Boston area marriage counseling posts are several years old. I hope metafilter can help me find a good marriage counselor. My husband and have been together for 17 years, married for four years. He is at his wits end dealing with my depression (which I'm currently in treatment for). We need to talk to someone soon. Please give me some recommendations of good couples counselors.
posted by anonymous on Feb 1, 2013 - 5 answers

How should I talk to my boyfriend about me being unhappy with him?

We've been together almost 2 years and at first I thought he was almost a perfect match for me. We got along, he made me so happy, he's so sweet, makes me laugh, and considerate. I know that every relationships get into the comfortable phase but lately I feel like he has taken me for granted and has gotten way too comfortable to the point I'm starting to lose interest in our relationship. I no longer look forward to seeing him and want to be alone, say I love you, kiss, or anything. [more inside]
posted by Asian_Hunnie on Jan 30, 2013 - 50 answers

A wedding with no officiant and no wedding party. Am I insane?

I'm getting married this summer, in a small, casual, non-religious wedding. We're not planning to have a wedding party, and haven't been able to come up with any good ideas for an officiant, so we're probably going to try to do without one of those as well. Have you done something similar? How will the logistics work out here? [more inside]
posted by duien on Jan 28, 2013 - 42 answers

Why isn't my husband interested in what I do?

I'm a writer married to a jazz musician. I always hoped I'd end up in this sort of arty, creative marriage. But there's a problem that is becoming overwhelming. In spite of fully expecting me to experience and support his art, my husband never, ever, reads anything I write. Not a two-page story or a blog post much less anything longer. He says he feels awful about never getting around to it (and I've made it clear it's fine if he hates it—I just want him to be willing to check it out) and he seems to be sincere... But he still doesn't read it. It really hurts me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2013 - 91 answers

Is it still your business even though I left?

I split up with my wife a couple of months ago, and have been doing really well since then. Recently I've been feeling a little bit like she's been stalking me on social media, and today I've woken up to messages asking me why I'm in contact with someone from my past. How do I handle this? (I've tried to anonymise this as best I can) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 45 answers

Sex for dummies

Should I try to fix our sex life? If so, where do I start? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 23, 2013 - 13 answers

How to deal with feelings of inadequacy?

I'll be blunt: I think I married a man who is too good for me. I'm having trouble dealing with my feelings of low self-worth and am tormented by insecurity. It's like the relationship version of Imposter Syndrome. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 21, 2013 - 27 answers

Nice places to get married somewhere in or around Seattle...

Where are nice places to get married somewhere in or around Seattle? For the place, what is the general cost? If the specifics help provide a better answer, we're trying for a late-summer, weekend ceremony and reception. Probably 55-65 people. [more inside]
posted by Blazecock Pileon on Jan 20, 2013 - 18 answers

Does anyone make it back from the brink?

Have you been in a marriage or LTR where you were on the brink of breaking up but then you didn't? If so, how did that work? [more inside]
posted by dawkins_7 on Jan 15, 2013 - 10 answers

Is it appropriate to get married for the third time?

Can I do an Angelina Jolie and get married for a third time while still maintaining my integrity? Please help me with your opinion. [more inside]
posted by Youremyworld on Jan 13, 2013 - 38 answers

My husband is cheating on me. Now what?

I just found out. Should I confront him? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 11, 2013 - 49 answers

How do I deal with the aftermath of this weird lie?

My husband lied to me in a multi-part, well crafted way, about something stupid. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable, and I don't know where to go from here. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 11, 2013 - 48 answers

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