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Do I tell him why I am not being my normal, friendly self?

I am married and recently realized I had developed romantic feelings for a friend/coworker (also married). I have stopped speaking to him for the sake of my marriage. He really wants to know why I am avoiding him. What's the best way to handle this without making him feel bad? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 6, 2013 - 30 answers

My wife doesn't want kids but I do -- is change of her mind possible?

After 2 years of marriage my wife (age 33) still doesn't want to have children while I (age 35) desperately want ones. Before marriage we have discussed it and she said that she would like to wait "for about a year" before trying for a baby. I agreed. Now she is saying that she isn't ready yet, and won't be ready for another 2 years. I thought that we have an agreement, but I was mistaken. Is it at all possible that she will change her mind, or postponing children for more years is just a stalling tactic on her behalf? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2013 - 64 answers

Am I crazy to consider an old 'marriage pact'?

I've been in a relationship for 3 years, waiting on a proposal. I don't know if it will materialize. Lately I've been fantasizing about an ex-boyfriend who I made a marriage pact with. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 3, 2013 - 48 answers

What are good boundaries for married opposite sex friends?

I have a close male friend and our closeness bothers my husband, which bothers me because I care about how he feels. Happy couples, what are things you think are okay and not okay for your spouse to do with someone else? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2013 - 58 answers

Healthy ways of working with financial imbalances in relationships?

I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. Through a combination of hard work, opportunity and luck, I find myself in my 30's with a very decent net worth. It's enough to allow me to feel very secure about retirement, job/career changes, health issues, supporting family, etc. and this security is probably the most important aspect of money to me. For me, money means security, safety, freedom. I maintain a very middle-class lifestyle, continue to work full-time and save at a reasonable rate. I've started to realize how much this factors into my thinking about long term relationships, especially marriage (and its attendant family joining) and financial co-mingling, and am looking for some perspectives on positive ways of managing these kinds of issues. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2013 - 21 answers

How should I address my soon to be in-laws?

I have no idea how to address my in-laws. Please help. [more inside]
posted by reenum on Apr 25, 2013 - 25 answers

Small town bachelor party

Bachelor party, challenge level: wholesome time, tiny Midwestern town, Thursday night, 7 people total, best man (me) arriving in town a few hours before. [more inside]
posted by gregoryg on Apr 22, 2013 - 15 answers

Marriage upgrade

For reasons of being an international same-sex couple, we want to be as married as we possibly can get. For the same reasons, the legal status of our relationship is giving us a headache. What we are currently trying to figure out is, if we have a California certificate of registered domestic partnership but want to get a Massachusetts marriage license, do we have to get domestic-divorced before we can get Massachusetts-married? [more inside]
posted by harujion on Apr 20, 2013 - 4 answers

Help Me Grok Al-Anon

My husband drinks too much, and I just attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I have some questions about it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2013 - 19 answers

What should we give our wedding officiant?

Help us urgently decide what to give our officiant as a thank-you. [more inside]
posted by peacheater on Apr 15, 2013 - 14 answers

I just found out my ex got married, I'm hurt, why do I feel down?

Over the past 5 months I've posted three questions here on how to get over my ex. I've tried all the advice people have given on here and it has helped. Recently I thought I was almost over things and in a good enough place to work on being genuinely friends. Then she tells me she just got married. I don't know if I'm more shocked that she got married to someone in less than 5 months or just that she's just married. Either way, she doesn't want to communicate anymore, which I can respect. So is the reason I'm feeling down is because I feel rejected again? I know this should conclude things for me but I still think about it and I know I shouldn't. Why can't I just leave it and move on?
posted by kser333 on Apr 14, 2013 - 26 answers

Tips to keep emotionally in shape during conjugal crises

What are the things that you did during a conjugal crises that helped you? [more inside]
posted by TheGoodBlood on Apr 9, 2013 - 4 answers

How to know if I want to stay in my marriage?

My wife and I are having a lot of problems in our marriage, have been for quite some time. Infidelity on both sides. Unresolved childhood trauma. Lack of trust and honesty from both parties. We have a wonderful life and two amazing children and are best friends, have been since high school. We're both starting therapy (separately) and then maybe marriage counseling. And I suppose this is one of those things that I can expect or hope to work out in therapy? But right now, how do I know if I should stay in my marriage? What signs did you have that your marriage was over or was salvageable?
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2013 - 13 answers

Are pre-nuptual agreements useless in Ontario (Canada)?

We'll be getting married this summer. My fiance and I are very excited about this. I have some background in financial planning, and she's very savvy financially herself. I have always understood that's a good idea to have a pre-nuptual agreement to cover division of assets, care of possible future children, and so on. This is just to cover our bases ahead of time. A lawyer we just called told us not to bother with it at all, and that pre-nuptual agreements are useless in Ontario, Canada. Is this true? [more inside]
posted by smitt on Apr 8, 2013 - 10 answers

ULC ordination?

Help us help our friend marry us! [more inside]
posted by heyforfour on Apr 5, 2013 - 9 answers

Financial benefits of marriage.

The (unromantic) case for marriage. [more inside]
posted by hellameangirl on Apr 2, 2013 - 46 answers

What does "overpunting your coverage" metaphor mean?

So an exec at my company walks into my office, looks at my pictures of my wife and kids and says, "You really overpunted your coverage there." I understand the (U.S.) football metaphor of punting past your coverage (i.e. giving the returner too much room to get a run started) ... but what is that metaphor supposed to mean here? That my birth control failed? That I married "out of my league" (ugh)? I couldn't figure it out, nor did I want to ask "what the hell does that mean?"
posted by mrgrimm on Apr 1, 2013 - 33 answers

Putting a Humpty-Dumpty marriage together again.

My wife and I separated six months ago. Now, after marriage and individual counselling, it looks like we might be ready to give things another shot. How do we go about re-integrating our lives whilst there are still small alarm bells ringing? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2013 - 32 answers

First Dance for Friends turned Bride and Groom?

It's another wedding question.. I'm getting married on April 26th (yay) and I'm looking for a good first dance song that reflects our history as a couple. We were best friends for about 6 years before we started seriously dating and I'd love to dance to a song that reflects that. My fiance mentioned Can't Fight this Feeling by REO Speedwagon but I was looking for other suggestions. Any type of music is okay except country because we aren't big country fans. Thanks!
posted by AngryLlama on Apr 1, 2013 - 26 answers

Finding a wedding officiant on (very) short notice in Portland, OR?

My fiancé and I have decided to elope. We want to get married on April Fool's day (aka Monday), as we're fools in love. We have a marriage license. What we don't have is an officiant. [more inside]
posted by seesaw on Mar 29, 2013 - 9 answers

What happened to churches that refused to hold interracial weddings?

Around the time that the Supreme Court decided Loving v. Virginia, did any churches lose their tax exempt status either due to (A) political activities related to the fight over interracial marriage or (B) due to the refusal to conduct such marriages for its members? [more inside]
posted by jepler on Mar 25, 2013 - 21 answers

What's the sense in the marriage tax penalty?

Can anyone explain the politics behind the marriage tax penalty? [more inside]
posted by drpynchon on Mar 23, 2013 - 16 answers

Married women - give a newlywed man your best marriage advice

I'm a 34-year-old man, married for six months to my 33-year-old wife. Everything is perfect right now, but I realize that things can change. Life happens. Obviously, I want it to stay as happy as possible for as long as we're together. So what I'd like are tips on how to maintain it from the female point of view. If you have a number of years of successful marriage under your belt, what has your husband done right all this time? [more inside]
posted by fso on Mar 21, 2013 - 35 answers

How do I make up for 10 years of blowing her off?

I've been married for a few more than 10 years. For most of that time, I did not really listen to my wife or honor her goals and desires for our life together. Starting in 2012, I have made a change in my attitude and actions, and we are communicating and making significant progress in our relationship. If it were just making the current state of affairs good, I think we're on a good track and we'd be ok. My question is: How do I make up for the previous ~10 years? If you want to email: accommodatee@mail.com. Thanks in advance for any advice, here or via email. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 20, 2013 - 30 answers

I am growing. My husband is not. It is opening a distance between us.

My husband and I (a woman) have been together about 15 years now. I have become more self-reflective over time; I know myself better, I am less likely to react impulsively, etc. My husband seems stuck in the same place he was when he was 25 years old. I am feeling us growing apart and it is stressing me out; I want to understand why he doesn't seem to be growing any further, and whether there's anything I can or should do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2013 - 95 answers

Marrying a relative

Someone I know is dating his aunt's(dad's sister) grand daughter. Age difference 6 years. And spoke to me about this, I mentioned I am not sure about the custom. They both have higher education, have good job and decent family people. What would their relationship be second cousin once removed? Is it socially/religiously accepatable if they end up in altar, have kids etc?
posted by globalbuddy on Mar 19, 2013 - 43 answers

Engaging with a wife that doesn't seem to have a sex drive?

Resources, books, tips, anecdotes for a man dealing with a wife that doesn't seem to have an inherent sex drive? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 18, 2013 - 48 answers

The quest to Cat Lady-dom

I don't think I want kids and that scares me. [more inside]
posted by thank you silence on Mar 17, 2013 - 54 answers

Planning to have a baby before getting married?

So, I'm trying to get some opinions here: My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months and are in our mid-20s. We are both in school (undergrad for him, grad for me), but due to my income, we wanted to wait one more year, so that it would be financially better for us (e.g., paying tuition, etc). We are both interested in having children, however, something has come up for me health-wise (ulcerative colitis) that would make it less safe (because of medications) to have a baby later on, compared with now. Here are my questions for you: 1) Would you have a baby before marriage? What would be the reasons? 2) Has anyone actively planned this before? How did it work out? I know some would say suck it up and push up the wedding, but it would save us a good 20K or so.
posted by queenba on Mar 16, 2013 - 49 answers

Speeding up the marriage timeline, need advice

We want to get married, but need to do it much quicker than expected for visa/insurance reasons. How to handle it (snowflakes within)? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2013 - 21 answers

How does marriage affect ownership of a house?

My fiancee asked me when I would add her name to the house, which I purchased by myself before meeting her. How to best handle this situation? [more inside]
posted by deadweightloss on Mar 13, 2013 - 19 answers

Spock loves Kirk but fails miserably as Troi

Dear Vulcan Homeworld, I want to learn how to converse better with my wife. Currently my overly-logical thought and speech patterns upset her, frequently in ways I'm unable even to predict. She deserves better. I've struggled on my own to come up with dozens of different approaches, all of which have ultimately failed in different ways, so I come to you for help. [more inside]
posted by blue_and_bronze on Mar 12, 2013 - 39 answers

It would almost be better if it were hookers and blow.

My SO and I are in a delicate and precarious financial & marital state and from my perspective he's actively fucking things up for us all. What can I do to get us on the right track? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 12, 2013 - 65 answers

Is there a way I can nip my depressive moods in the bud?

I have major depression, and I am receiving treatment. However, I am still not master of my own mood, and now I would like some specific tips, pointers and ideas on how to stop myself from harassing my poor husband about imaginary problems. [more inside]
posted by ADent on Mar 8, 2013 - 15 answers

Directors and Marriage Longevity

How many successful Film Directors are happily married...to their first wife (or husband)? Answers may be given as an estimated percentage if that's easier. [more inside]
posted by mousepad on Mar 7, 2013 - 18 answers

Prepping for amicable split... Cliff Notes me

Spouse and I calmly decided it's over. Help me prepare. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 1, 2013 - 15 answers

Cold Feet or Reasonable Doubts?

My boyfriend treats me wonderfully, like I'm the most important thing on the planet. Now, we are taking our first steps down a very quick path towards Full Lifetime Committment: moving-in, with the understanding that marriage and kids will follow shortly. (Why the speed? I'm 37 with some history of ladytroubles that require maximum time to try and get pregnant.) I was feeling very ready for all this 2-3 months ago, but now am having doubts. Help! Are these standard cold feet, or do you spot any red flags here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 27, 2013 - 26 answers

Need advice on co-ownership of a house

My partner and I are looking into buying a house Do we need to get married in order to have protections relating to said house (including inheritance of the house if one of us dies + the ability to sell the house and divide the money if we break up)? [more inside]
posted by NoraReed on Feb 26, 2013 - 12 answers

To stay [gone] or go [back]?

My wife and I separated a few months ago (which was my choice, not hers) and it seems that many of the things that I left over may have been addressed, but I still feel cagey about it all. How do I square this circle in my head and in my heart? Blizzard inside. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Feb 26, 2013 - 40 answers

My dream wedding is a courthouse ceremony

We've decided to get married. Yay! I am the female half of a straight couple, if that matters. In the near future, we want to go to our local (US) courthouse and have a civil ceremony with just a judge and our immediate families present: his parents, my parents, his sibling+partner, my sibling+partner+child. Later this year, we'll throw an informal party and invite our extended circles to that as a larger celebration/reception. Our immediate families are supportive of this plan and just want us to be happy, but I have already gotten some pushback from friends and it gave me pause. So I guess I have questions about the practicality and etiquette of our plan and... whatever else we haven't thought about. Neither of us has been married before. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 53 answers

My 1st year of marriage is tough. Wife may be a workaholic. What do do?

My [possibly workaholic] wife works seven days a week as a ski instructor. I live and work two hours away during the week, and then I drive up to see her on the weekends. When I'm there on the weekends, I spend an average of four hours a week with her. Usually she is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from working so much. Needless to say, it does not feel like she is there for me. When I tell her I would like to spend more time with her, she tells me I'm too needy and dependent on her. I would like her to take off a Saturday or Sunday every week so we can spend time together. Is that asking for too much? What other requests/things can I do to make life more manageable? Thanks for your help. P.S. You get bonus points if you have worked in the ski industry and can explain how difficult it is to ask for weekends off! :-)
posted by speedoavenger on Feb 24, 2013 - 53 answers

How to Deal with Maybe-Possible-Impending Marriage Proposal

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under 3 years, and we have lived together for over one year. We are in our late twenties. We are extremely compatible 90% of the time, have so much fun together, are mutually supportive, generally very communicative, and love each other deeply. We get along with each others' families, we travel and live well together, and we share so many interests. I am ready to marry the man, and he is maybe/kinda/sorta ready to marry me. Ouch! [more inside]
posted by tentwentythirty on Feb 22, 2013 - 57 answers

Laid Off Spouse

My husband just got laid off from his position today. It's with a large company and he had excellent reviews but their revenue stream has not been up to par. They told him his position has been eliminated. However, he is welcome to reapply if and when blah, blah, blah... My concern is what is the right way to help him. He has never been laid off before and for the most part never thought this could happen. He is very optimistic by nature. He does seem a little shell shocked. My job is not going to be able to support our family. What are the first things we should do? I am also concerned about his mental well being and being a supportive partner while he looks for a new job. To make matters worse (or whatever) we have one in college, one applying to colleges, one getting ready to apply, and one freshman in high school.
posted by lasamana on Feb 22, 2013 - 25 answers

Courtship/Marriage in the U.S. during Victorian Era

Do you know of any websites, textbooks, regular books, podcasts, magazine articles, movie clips, etc, having to do with the multitude of rules that couples during the Victorian era were subjected to? Have to be at least somewhat credible. More details inside. [more inside]
posted by camylanded on Feb 22, 2013 - 19 answers

I want to not need this validation.

I think I have a problem with self esteem. Objectively, I know that I am a physically attractive person. This has been confirmed by plenty of people throughout my life. I want more than anything to be told by my husband that I am beautiful in certain ways, but he can't or won't. I don't want to need something from him that he is unable to give. How can I either stop focusing on this, or learn how to validate myself without his input? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2013 - 33 answers

Help me help my husband get his mojo back.

My husband is suffering the sexual doldrums of early middle age. Unfortunately, it's a catch-22: you have to be motivated to seek help...but when your sex drive is that low, you really don't care. How can I help him even want to have sex again? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2013 - 30 answers

On the brink of divorce, don't know what the hell to do about our cat

I think my marriage may be irreparably broken. The idea of splitting up is agonizing, but if things don't turn around soon, I can't stay. But. I don't know what to do about our cat, and it's tearing me apart. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2013 - 39 answers

Why do people get divorced after many, many years together?

It seems to me that if you've been fairly happy for many (10 - 25) years, this trend would continue. For many people that doesn't seem to be the case. I am interested in hearing theories or experiences regarding that. How can something that worked for so long cease to work so suddenly?
posted by Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night on Feb 19, 2013 - 71 answers

Is my partner's shouting unusual?

I have a good husband who treats me well. But he shouts in arguments every once in a while -- once every couple of months, maybe -- and I don't have a good sense of whether I'm overreacting to this. I'm curious: Is there an appropriate way to shout in an argument or is it always inappropriate? And do you or your spouse shout? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 18, 2013 - 44 answers

Can't we just be happy the way we were?

Girlfriend pushing relationship faster than I'm comfortable with, any way to hit the brakes? [more inside]
posted by el_yucateco on Feb 15, 2013 - 100 answers

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