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Partner lied about previous sexual partners & his faithfulness

A lie of omission, to be more accurate. When I met my (now) husband he understood that I hadn’t had sex and didn’t plan on it before marriage, and that I was looking for someone with similar beliefs about sex. Because he knew this, he was honest and told me that he had been in a long-term relationship with someone before for 7 years - I was fine with this. But I recently discovered that he had sex with 3 different women right as he was getting to know me, (one of whom I've since met at one of his work parties, and cringe to think I was the only one in the group who didn't know about this), and he didn't feel it was important to tell me about it when he proposed to me. [more inside]
posted by Zee101 on Aug 21, 2013 - 43 answers

What is going on here? (Relationship clarity)

Some advice needed on a newly poly marriage...issues regarding imbalance of resources/effort, feelings of rejection, control issues, etc Please PM me if you think that will be more helpful. [more inside]
posted by queenba on Aug 15, 2013 - 41 answers

What do I say?

So my fiance and I broke up recently. While a lot of the people in our community know, I continue to encounter situations in which I'm asked, "How's your fiance?" or "What's new with you?" I want them to know so they stop asking me. But if I say, "Actually, we broke up" their face falls and we enter a very awkward conversation full of forced empathy neither of us want to be in. What can I say in a sentence or two to avoid this fate? [more inside]
posted by ictow on Aug 9, 2013 - 21 answers

Suggestions for Ceremony lines

Wedding in 5 weeks. We still haven't figured out any of the script for our wedding. The officient sent us a handful of sample ceremonies, but none of them really feel like us. The "I ______ take thee _________ to be my wife/husband, for richer or poorer" etc vows we are totally stuck on, and frankly the ring exchange lines are also sticking us up too. Please help. The green always has such creative suggestions! Don't fail me now! [more inside]
posted by PuppetMcSockerson on Aug 7, 2013 - 24 answers

Finally moving on - BUT how do I prioritize what's next..

So finally, I decided to take the bold step and move on to a bigger and brighter future (Hopefully, anyway!). I decided to divorce, on the grounds that I deserve better. [more inside]
posted by Spice_and_Ice on Aug 4, 2013 - 12 answers

Out of love, want back in

I have fallen out of love with my husband. I want to be back in love with him, but I don't know what to do. Help? Very extended details within. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 31, 2013 - 41 answers

How to prepare for a possible divorce?

A family member has confided in us that divorce is a distinct possibility. She has asked for advice on how to prepare for such eventuality. And I'm turning to the green to help us answer that question. Though as is customary, there is a monkey wrench thrown into the mix. [more inside]
posted by 7life on Jul 25, 2013 - 11 answers

How hard should reconciliation be?

My wife and I separated at the end of last year for a three-month period. We've now ended our separation and have moved back in together. Whilst things are often wonderful, they're equally as often stressful and hard work. My question is: how hard should it be? Snowflakes, wall-of-text inside. [more inside]
posted by yasp on Jul 24, 2013 - 28 answers

Help me get excited about my wedding again!

I'm getting married in a couple of months. When we got engaged, I was so excited--I planned most of the basic details of the wedding in a haze of extreme happiness. Now that it's getting closer, I'm no longer excited. I'm actually mildly dreading it and I'll do anything to avoid getting out of wedding prep stuff. [more inside]
posted by chaiminda on Jul 18, 2013 - 19 answers

Relationship!: The Game (Probably WON'T Supplant Hungry Hungry Hippos)

What activities/questions/elements would YOU include in a [card and/or board] game meant to serve as part of the "maintenance work" of a romantic relationship? [more inside]
posted by julthumbscrew on Jul 12, 2013 - 11 answers

Immigration Marriage Fraud Sucks, Knowledgable Advice Please?

I am writing to humbly plead for your assistance as a victim of immigration fraud, advice and/or professional contacts anyone might have regarding my situation. My husband married me, got his greencard in mail and promptly fled, refusing to grant me an annulment. [more inside]
posted by Arachnophile on Jul 8, 2013 - 17 answers

How do I help my sister whose marriage is on the rocks?

Ten year marriage that includes a 4 yr old kid is about to fall apart. How can I help directly or help them help themselves through this rocky period? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 7, 2013 - 8 answers

Marriage... urgh!

Is he ever going to marry me? And does it really matter anyway? [more inside]
posted by JenThePro on Jul 4, 2013 - 62 answers

Apparently I suck at giving gifts, need advice

Fiancee blew up over my birthday gift-giving faux pas and can't seem to get over it, is this situation salvegable? Lots more below [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 3, 2013 - 90 answers

Should we get straight-married in California this week?

We're a straight couple who has always said we wouldn't marry while our queer friends couldn't. We have other issues with marriage, but it's clear that there are a lot of practical and long-term financial advantages. We live in Wisconsin (boo) but we're in California for a week (yay). What are your political, ethical and practical insights about whether we should get married here this week? [more inside]
posted by Mngo on Jun 26, 2013 - 20 answers

When do you know a marriage therapist isn't right for you?

What are reliable questions that a person in marriage therapy can ask to determine that they are probably not with the right marriage therapist and should try someone else? Put another way, how can a person in marriage therapy know that the match with the therapist is a bad fit, as opposed to the problem being with the patient himself/herself? [more inside]
posted by scunning on Jun 25, 2013 - 14 answers

Not always attracted to Fiance. May break up, need some advice!

Not always attracted to Fiance. May break up, need some advice! [more inside]
posted by red47Apple on Jun 20, 2013 - 41 answers

In need of (LGBT) people wiser than me

I guess I'm one of the women French Fry speaks of, but with an LGBT twist. I'm in therapy, but it's not enough; I am desperate for someone to talk to, especially other semi-late-blooming LGBT folk, but I don't know how to find them. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 14, 2013 - 15 answers

Combining married finances - is it wrong to want to pay my own debt off?

So, I feel like a weirdo because I've discovered that though my husband and I, who are recently married, still keep many of our finances separate, most other couples combine everything. Friends who I've discussed this with think it's strange that I am paying off my own student loans instead of it coming out of both our incomes. I think combining everything is a little strange and uncomfortable, and I feel like I should be responsible for my own debt. Are we going about things completely the wrong way? [more inside]
posted by emily37 on Jun 11, 2013 - 69 answers

I am afraid of commitment. Should I get married?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for two and a half years. She is 28, I am 42. She really wants to get married and have kids. Part of me likes that idea a lot, but another side of me has extreme anxiety around the idea of commitment. I have struggled with anxiety since my early 20s and have undergone a lot of therapy, and while I understand what the anxiety is and where it comes from, no one has been able to “cure” me of it to the point where suddenly the things I’m anxious about don’t bother me any more. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 10, 2013 - 23 answers

I need to end it. Please help me find the words.

The short version of how I got here – love my husband but fell in love with someone else. It’s not fair to him but I just don’t know how to say what I need to say. (Much) longer version inside. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Jun 10, 2013 - 53 answers

Therapist/counseller recommendations for Mid Sussex, UK

I urgently need to find a good therapist/counseller in the Mid Sussex region of the UK (ideally in the Haywards Heath area). More details after the break, however I need help dealing with some issues in my marriage, but I don't have a clue how to go about seeking this help. I would ask my GP, however she is on vacation for the next couple of weeks but I need to start getting some help sooner than that. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 6, 2013 - 4 answers

Do we need a prenuptial agreement? If so, what might we want it to say?

Long-time couple finally getting married, and we think we might want a prenuptial agreement. What should we know about the practical aspects of creating and adhering to a premarital agreement? Same-sex couple in Massachusetts, more snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 4, 2013 - 14 answers

Wedding gift for older marrying couple?

What's a good generic wedding gift for two older people? Details inside. [more inside]
posted by bondcliff on May 30, 2013 - 19 answers

"I'm not going to change"

The other day I had already had a bad day when my husband made an insensitive and crappy remark about something. I replied with tears in my eyes and said that he really had no idea about [subject]. Husband ignored that and then 5 minutes later cheerfully asked if I wanted to watch tv. I said no. He was surprised that I was "still mad" and we tried to talk about it, but I shut down because I felt vulnerable and remembered past talkings where I always felt like "too sensitive" and nothing would change anyway. This time, my husband apparently also thought the same because he said "Well, if you're unhappy, maybe you don't want to continue this relationship, because I'm not going to change". [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2013 - 40 answers

Boyfriend's progressively disabling (terminal?) illness

My boyfriend has a progressively disabling illness -- a form of muscular dystrophy. He will lose the ability to walk and easily get out of bed, etc., in about 10-15 years. We've been together for five very happy years, but that said, we are young (early 20s) and don't have many responsibilities other than school. My friends really like him, and so does my family. We've been very open with one another and have great communication. However, my parents are adamant that I find somebody else due to his illness. They won't force me to break up with my boyfriend, because they know he's a fantastic person, but will continuously express discontent when I hang out with him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2013 - 55 answers

My friend with anxiety won't help himself and I don't know what to do

A friend of mine refuses to address his anxiety issues. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but also don't know how much more I can take. Please help. [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on May 28, 2013 - 15 answers

Separate or wait to see if things get better?

My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for the last 3. We met when I was 19, and him 21. Recently I have been feeling like I might want out. I still love him, but I am not sure that he is going to change in ways which I would prefer him to. Should I tell him I want to separate or wait to see if things get better? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 19, 2013 - 35 answers

How do most married, dual-income couples deal with health insurance?

How do most married, dual-income couples deal with health insurance? Should I drop mine and go on his plan? I am recently married. My husband and I are both healthy and have private sector jobs that are reasonably secure. I work for a small (less than 20 employees) company that has so-so health insurance. Husband works for a larger (500 employee) company that has awesome health insurance. Adding me to his health plan would cost about the same as what I pay for my health plan now. I'm planning on joining his health plan, but open enrollment time is coming up at my job, and I'm wondering if I should keep my insurance or drop it. I can afford the premium, but I don't want to be wasting money where I don't need to. Is it good to be double-insured just in case he loses his job? We have no kids, but are planning on them in the next few years.
posted by emily37 on May 17, 2013 - 17 answers

Do I tell him why I am not being my normal, friendly self?

I am married and recently realized I had developed romantic feelings for a friend/coworker (also married). I have stopped speaking to him for the sake of my marriage. He really wants to know why I am avoiding him. What's the best way to handle this without making him feel bad? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 6, 2013 - 30 answers

My wife doesn't want kids but I do -- is change of her mind possible?

After 2 years of marriage my wife (age 33) still doesn't want to have children while I (age 35) desperately want ones. Before marriage we have discussed it and she said that she would like to wait "for about a year" before trying for a baby. I agreed. Now she is saying that she isn't ready yet, and won't be ready for another 2 years. I thought that we have an agreement, but I was mistaken. Is it at all possible that she will change her mind, or postponing children for more years is just a stalling tactic on her behalf? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2013 - 64 answers

Am I crazy to consider an old 'marriage pact'?

I've been in a relationship for 3 years, waiting on a proposal. I don't know if it will materialize. Lately I've been fantasizing about an ex-boyfriend who I made a marriage pact with. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 3, 2013 - 48 answers

What are good boundaries for married opposite sex friends?

I have a close male friend and our closeness bothers my husband, which bothers me because I care about how he feels. Happy couples, what are things you think are okay and not okay for your spouse to do with someone else? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2013 - 58 answers

Healthy ways of working with financial imbalances in relationships?

I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. Through a combination of hard work, opportunity and luck, I find myself in my 30's with a very decent net worth. It's enough to allow me to feel very secure about retirement, job/career changes, health issues, supporting family, etc. and this security is probably the most important aspect of money to me. For me, money means security, safety, freedom. I maintain a very middle-class lifestyle, continue to work full-time and save at a reasonable rate. I've started to realize how much this factors into my thinking about long term relationships, especially marriage (and its attendant family joining) and financial co-mingling, and am looking for some perspectives on positive ways of managing these kinds of issues. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2013 - 21 answers

How should I address my soon to be in-laws?

I have no idea how to address my in-laws. Please help. [more inside]
posted by reenum on Apr 25, 2013 - 25 answers

Small town bachelor party

Bachelor party, challenge level: wholesome time, tiny Midwestern town, Thursday night, 7 people total, best man (me) arriving in town a few hours before. [more inside]
posted by gregoryg on Apr 22, 2013 - 15 answers

Marriage upgrade

For reasons of being an international same-sex couple, we want to be as married as we possibly can get. For the same reasons, the legal status of our relationship is giving us a headache. What we are currently trying to figure out is, if we have a California certificate of registered domestic partnership but want to get a Massachusetts marriage license, do we have to get domestic-divorced before we can get Massachusetts-married? [more inside]
posted by harujion on Apr 20, 2013 - 4 answers

Help Me Grok Al-Anon

My husband drinks too much, and I just attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I have some questions about it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2013 - 19 answers

What should we give our wedding officiant?

Help us urgently decide what to give our officiant as a thank-you. [more inside]
posted by peacheater on Apr 15, 2013 - 14 answers

I just found out my ex got married, I'm hurt, why do I feel down?

Over the past 5 months I've posted three questions here on how to get over my ex. I've tried all the advice people have given on here and it has helped. Recently I thought I was almost over things and in a good enough place to work on being genuinely friends. Then she tells me she just got married. I don't know if I'm more shocked that she got married to someone in less than 5 months or just that she's just married. Either way, she doesn't want to communicate anymore, which I can respect. So is the reason I'm feeling down is because I feel rejected again? I know this should conclude things for me but I still think about it and I know I shouldn't. Why can't I just leave it and move on?
posted by kser333 on Apr 14, 2013 - 26 answers

Tips to keep emotionally in shape during conjugal crises

What are the things that you did during a conjugal crises that helped you? [more inside]
posted by TheGoodBlood on Apr 9, 2013 - 4 answers

How to know if I want to stay in my marriage?

My wife and I are having a lot of problems in our marriage, have been for quite some time. Infidelity on both sides. Unresolved childhood trauma. Lack of trust and honesty from both parties. We have a wonderful life and two amazing children and are best friends, have been since high school. We're both starting therapy (separately) and then maybe marriage counseling. And I suppose this is one of those things that I can expect or hope to work out in therapy? But right now, how do I know if I should stay in my marriage? What signs did you have that your marriage was over or was salvageable?
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2013 - 13 answers

Are pre-nuptual agreements useless in Ontario (Canada)?

We'll be getting married this summer. My fiance and I are very excited about this. I have some background in financial planning, and she's very savvy financially herself. I have always understood that's a good idea to have a pre-nuptual agreement to cover division of assets, care of possible future children, and so on. This is just to cover our bases ahead of time. A lawyer we just called told us not to bother with it at all, and that pre-nuptual agreements are useless in Ontario, Canada. Is this true? [more inside]
posted by smitt on Apr 8, 2013 - 10 answers

ULC ordination?

Help us help our friend marry us! [more inside]
posted by heyforfour on Apr 5, 2013 - 9 answers

Financial benefits of marriage.

The (unromantic) case for marriage. [more inside]
posted by hellameangirl on Apr 2, 2013 - 46 answers

What does "overpunting your coverage" metaphor mean?

So an exec at my company walks into my office, looks at my pictures of my wife and kids and says, "You really overpunted your coverage there." I understand the (U.S.) football metaphor of punting past your coverage (i.e. giving the returner too much room to get a run started) ... but what is that metaphor supposed to mean here? That my birth control failed? That I married "out of my league" (ugh)? I couldn't figure it out, nor did I want to ask "what the hell does that mean?"
posted by mrgrimm on Apr 1, 2013 - 33 answers

Putting a Humpty-Dumpty marriage together again.

My wife and I separated six months ago. Now, after marriage and individual counselling, it looks like we might be ready to give things another shot. How do we go about re-integrating our lives whilst there are still small alarm bells ringing? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2013 - 32 answers

First Dance for Friends turned Bride and Groom?

It's another wedding question.. I'm getting married on April 26th (yay) and I'm looking for a good first dance song that reflects our history as a couple. We were best friends for about 6 years before we started seriously dating and I'd love to dance to a song that reflects that. My fiance mentioned Can't Fight this Feeling by REO Speedwagon but I was looking for other suggestions. Any type of music is okay except country because we aren't big country fans. Thanks!
posted by AngryLlama on Apr 1, 2013 - 26 answers

Finding a wedding officiant on (very) short notice in Portland, OR?

My fiancé and I have decided to elope. We want to get married on April Fool's day (aka Monday), as we're fools in love. We have a marriage license. What we don't have is an officiant. [more inside]
posted by seesaw on Mar 29, 2013 - 9 answers

What happened to churches that refused to hold interracial weddings?

Around the time that the Supreme Court decided Loving v. Virginia, did any churches lose their tax exempt status either due to (A) political activities related to the fight over interracial marriage or (B) due to the refusal to conduct such marriages for its members? [more inside]
posted by jepler on Mar 25, 2013 - 21 answers

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