We may be losing one of our children and we're having a hard time coping. My wife and I cope in very different ways. And it seems to be pushing us apart even though we love each other very much still. I don't know what to do. I've never lost a child. I've never been divorced. Our home;life is suffering. It might be better if we didn't have to worry about paying hospital costs, but I think our coping behviors are grating on each other. And we know this. But we can't stop it. We really love each other and we go to counselors, but for the most part they're for when you're not getting along with the other person. This. This is something else. Are there grief counselors for couples who also are marriage counselors?
I read (somewhere?) a quote by someone (an author? poet?) that when a relationship (marriage?) ends, a little language shared by the two is lost. I've googled all sorts of combinations of these words and cannot find it. Did I hallucinate this? Thanks!
We're in this cycle, where the worse he feels, the worse he acts toward me, the worse I feel, the more I need kindness, the less he is able to provide it, the angrier I get, the worse he feels, repeat ad nauseum. [more inside]
My partner and I are divorcing after eight years, with the initial paperwork to be filed before the end of the year. However, we are still sharing a house (but not bedrooms). I am looking for a place to live, but realistically it will be mid-January, at the earliest, before I can move. We both have acknowledged this and have both expressed okay-ness with sharing the house in the interim. My question is about dating and ethics (I guess?). [more inside]
It's been a long year for Draccy. I've separated, started divorce proceedings, had a huge mental health scare and am currently battling loneliness, shame and desolation. My hand aches where my wedding band used to be. I used to fidget with it. I miss it. So here's the scoop. [more inside]
I make inconsistent demands of my wife regarding details about cleaning and whatnot. It drives her nuts but she mostly puts up with it until she is tired of dealing with it, and we argue. It breaks my heart that I'm putting her through this but I also feel angry that she doesn't try to negotiate with me somehow. Not sure if what I'm asking for is fair or not but I'd like to resolve this so we can both feel satisfied and happy. [more inside]
Will it be best for my kids in the long run? Will the inevitable guilt and loneliness be better than staying with a seemingly unchangeable loveless unhappy marriage? [more inside]
I got married recently. Now we're working through the Life Event Change processes of our respective companies. Here's the puzzler: If I'm reading this right, at my company, Medical is $90/month for myself, $300 for myself+spouse. At my wife's company, it's almost the same. This implies that it would be cheaper for both of us to be insured separately than together. What am I missing here?
What are some truisms that you know of or have learnt through your personal experience when it comes to deciding whom to marry? What are some good rules of thumb to finding the right partner the first time around? [more inside]
I'm a 40-ish married man. How do I stop being infatuated with a younger woman that I know very well? [more inside]
My fiancee is wonderful, everyone is excited for us, and I think I'm miserable. Please help me figure out what is going on with me, and/or tell me I need to get professional help. [more inside]
For those who have been cheated on: how did you deal with the heartbreak? For those who have cheated: how did you deal with the guilt? Would like to hear from those who were in very long-term relationships (10+ years) and whose relationships did not survive. [more inside]
My husband keeps pulling up my clothes and rubbing my belly (not pregnant, not trying to get pregnant, dear god I can only imagine if I was). It's meant to be affectionate but I HATE it. I've told him to stop, but he keeps doing it. I think my problem has less to do with the touching (although I really, really, really don't like it and resent having to apologize or explain it) and more to do with the fact that I explicitly asked him to stop but he has not. This makes me irrationally angry. Am I overreacting by moving out of our bedroom into our spare room? [more inside]
Going on three years of marriage after a tumultuous two years of dating and an even more tumultuous engagement. I got married because at the time I was 33 and I thought my time was running out. I wanted to get married and start a family right away. Then I realized I don't love or even like my husband very much at all. [more inside]
I don't feel sexually attracted to my spouse anymore. What now? [more inside]
Spouse and I are struggling. We're busy, we're cranky, we're over extended, we are both feeling unappreciated and unheard. We have some of the stereotypical gender based dysfunctional interactions. We are having the same damn fights. Though more frequently because of life. There's no big drama, but we aren't being as nice to each other as we should be. We aren't supporting each other the way we should. [more inside]
Can you recommend some books about marriage that have touched you in some way? Fiction or non fiction. [more inside]
My husband engaged in particularly hurtful nonphysical cheating, and I had to catch him at it to find out. Now when we talk about it he seems remorseful, but that remorse doesn't translate to the rest of our life. How can I handle it and what should I do? [more inside]
We are getting married. I want to protect her against my personal debts- IRS and old student loans. Are these loans transferable to a spouse? Leaving aside for now my financial management issues, is there anything (New York State) that will shield her?
I'm getting divorced. As a non-primary caregiver with joint legal custody, should I ask to stay in the marital house on the weekends, in order to be with the kids? [more inside]
I'm officiating my first wedding next week (Exciting! Scary!) and working on final details. I really would like to include a quote from Jane Jacobs, the couple's hero. “Neighborhood is a word that has come to sound like a Valentine. As a sentimental concept, ‘neighborhood’ is harmful to city planning. Sentimentality plays with sweet intentions in place of good sense.” is what I'm currently playing with, but it's not quite hitting the spot in a way I'd like without over-explaining it. Urban planning and sociology nerds: can you suggest any and all Jane Jacobs quotes that in some way connect with love, community, and growth? I welcome truly any thoughts you have, and feel free to share a bit about how you might use it. THANK YOU!
Five days ago my wife told me she wants to separate permanently. Everything since then has been a blur. I'm interested in hearing from others who have gone through something similar, to know how you made it through. [more inside]
On the weekend my mother gave me her engagement ring to propose to my Girlfriend with. What worries me is that the diamond isn't large enough. [more inside]
I met a wonderful man who is smitten with me, and I with him. We have been talking on the phone for two weeks (we met online), and have had four fabulous, fun dates. He expresses that he really likes me. He is 37 and I am 30. He has been married before, and I asked him why they got divorced, and he explained to me that she developed bipolar disorder I with schizophrenic tendencies about 3 years into their marriage, and she could not get stabilized. She had multiple trips to the psych ward while he was in med school, and it was really hard on him. He was studying to be an anesthesiologist and the final straw was when his wife called his residency hospital and told them he was poisoning her with intravenous drugs. Well, that would all be fine and good, except...I have bipolar II. [more inside]
I come from an affectionate family; my husband is physically affectionate, but he says "I love you" to me basically on my birthday and Christmas (you get the gist). I've told him recently I'd like to hear it once a day or more, that it means a lot to me to hear it. [more inside]
We have two little kids (almost 2 & 5). We love our two little kids. We're finally out of the pregnancy and infant stages, and maybe starting to get a little bit out of everything being in crisis mode all the time. But it's been a hard few years, and although our marriage isn't doing badly it feels like we really need to start working on us again. I'd like to hear from those of you a little further down the line of what you did to rebuild yourselves as a couple once your kids got a tad bigger and you could breathe again. [more inside]
I'm in the US on an F-1 visa, finished my Ph.D. and am currently on the post-degree OPT period which expires next May. My girlfriend and I have decided to get married so that I can stay in the country. We're in a bona fide relationship but have only been dating a couple of months, don't live together, and don't have the kinds of documents that most married couples can show to prove their marriage (e.g. joint lease / bank accounts). We’re getting a lawyer, but are also hoping to get some advice here from people who have been through the green card process. [more inside]
I'm a full-time mom of two children, one who is in school and one in preschool 2.5 hours a day. I'm trying to keep the house clean by myself, but am wondering- what works for you if you're also a stay-at-home parent? Do you do it all yourself or does your spouse help? What kinds of tasks do you share if you do share the housework? [more inside]
For some reason my mom decided it would be a great idea to let her married, lesbian daughter know that even though she supports gay marriage, she "sees Kim Davis'" point of view and thinks she should have the right to a religious exemption, or that she should "have the right" to keep her job because "the rules of her job changed". I was shocked in the moment and don't feel like I explained the case well. Now I'm looking for one good, objective resource that will explain this situation better. [more inside]
I'm an American man who just proposed to a British woman and I am wondering what pitfalls to watch out for in applying for a visa to enter the UK to marry. [more inside]
My partner leaves home from May-October every year for work. I can't join him due to the nature of my own work. This might change in the future, but we want to get married and I'm increasingly unsure I (or our marriage) can cope with this kind of situation long-term. Details inside. [more inside]
I want to have kids, my wife doesn't. The discussion is over so I'm now facing the reality that one of my life goals will never happen. This is really difficult to come to terms with. How do I let it go, not resent my wife and live a fulfilling life possibly with a missing piece? [more inside]
I got married. I’m trying to change my name so my maiden name becomes my new middle name and I drop my given middle name entirely. It’s harder than it looks. [more inside]
I'm getting married this Sunday to a wonderful person. We've been together 5 years and have lived together for two of those years. We are both in our 30s. I'm interested in your "tricks" for a fulfilling and healthy marriage. [more inside]
When my husband and I got married we were both practicing Muslims. We've been married almost 3 years and now I don't think I believe anymore. Can I make this work despite the religious differences? [more inside]
Was interracial marriage ever illegal in New York State? What was the status of the law in 1961? [more inside]
So, I am married to a very pretty guy. We are both mid 30s. His entire relationship history includes women just throwing themselves at him, so he hasn't had to ever make any effort to learn how to be romantic or initiate foreplay. His current method is to just tell me he wants to have sex. When I complained that his method wasn't enough for me, he asked me what I want him to do. It is like I'm dealing with an adolescent boy. What resources could I steer him towards that don't include a sex therapist?
How much conversation time or "together time" should I expect in my marriage? Do I have unrealistic expectations of what a healthy marriage is? [more inside]
Just like the title says. In the aftermath of a relationship, I’m panicking about being resigned to singlehood. As you might expect, snowflakes ahead. [more inside]
After a long consideration phase, I have decided that I want a divorce but my partner is refusing to start the formal process. What can I do? [more inside]
Me and my partner are both of the same gender (male, if you really want to know), and we've been together on and off since late 2002. So that's...12 3/4 years? Something like that. Anyway, after everything we've been through, I'd be surprised if I ended up committing to anyone else, and although my personal marriage philosophy mirrors Joni Mitchell's ("we don't need no piece of paper from the city hall/keeping us tied and true, no!") the truth is that if I couldn't be by his side when he's on his death bed in the hospital, or if I got kicked out of my house by his brother or his nieces and nephews after he dies, I would absolutely lose my mind, and might actually end up hurting someone. [more inside]
My husband appears to prefer porn as his primary sexual partner. I'm not against porn, but I thought part of the agreement couples had was that porn was an appetizer and sex is the main course. It's killing me. I know I need to leave, but I live out of state from my family and friends and don't have anyone where I live with whom I can ask to stay. How do I remember his intimacy problems/porn addiction are about him (per my therapist) and not internalize all this more than I already have until I can cut the cord? [more inside]
When faced with sexual confusion, mental health struggles, and a possible engagement, what is a guy to do? [more inside]
Need advice from the hive mind on life after divorce. More inside... [more inside]
Or what's not wrong with it? It's coming (or came) to the time where marriage is on the forefront of everyone's thoughts in my relationship. There's a lot of pressure to get married soon, and with a combination of dissenting internal and external voices, there's a lot of confusion going on in my head. [more inside]
In consideration of recent developments, from the Supreme Court on gender neutral marriage, what happens with the already problematic legal territory surrounding Common Law unions? One aspect of this question could be concern about exposing my long-term roommate to my liabilities. Another might be having a rightful claim on shared property.
My fiancee and I are getting married in a secular ceremony in Atlanta (ceremony in Fulton County, living in Dekalb County) two weeks from now. Our friend, who lives in California, will be officiating the wedding. We've already obtained the marriage license but want to make sure that our friend is properly credentialed to make the marriage legal when she signs it after the ceremony. [more inside]
Folks in LTR - how often do you look up/think about/fantasize about new and exciting entrants into your life? [more inside]
Hi. This is me. I have been thinking for a couple weeks and am leaning towards divorce. I have multiple questions about this. [more inside]
Should I tell her what my ex-friend is up to? If so, how should I tell her? [more inside]