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Is "matrimony" a religious term?

I've been asked by a friend of mine who is a marriage officiant to translate his marriage ceremony speech into English, and I have a question about wording. In a secular marriage, can you say "joined together in matrimony", or do you have to say "joined together in marriage"? [more inside]
posted by gkhan on Feb 9, 2014 - 7 answers

marriage on the rocks. need advice.

Never has been a blissful marriage but is it time to throw in the towel and move on? Twenty four years in the chute, one kid in college out of the house, the other living at home in high school. Especially caustic relationship since summer. No sex in months. She works all the time, I'm out of work. Growing further and further apart. But I will want to make it work yet she doesn't seem interested in putting in the effort. Emptiness in the pit of my stomach but I will do what I have to do. Interested in anyone's experiences in situations such as this. Is it worth fighting to keep things together? What about the kids? Is it better on the other side of relationships like this? I'm at a crossroads and need to figure this out. Thanks. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 5, 2014 - 34 answers

Took the vows. Both still here. Why do I feel so alone?

Please help me think through a marriage that's hollowing out from the inside. Survival strategies needed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 31, 2014 - 47 answers

Finding meaningful work and having an awesome marriage

I'm struggling with choosing between a town I don't like, my marriage and starting a career as after graduating in April 2013. Where should I go from here? [more inside]
posted by snowysoul on Jan 31, 2014 - 11 answers

Intelligent resources about stages of a long-term relationship

I'd like to learn a little bit more about what couples counselors, therapists, and psychologists have written about the stages that long-term relationships go through, what the issues and concerns are in the different stages, and what approaches are helpful in keeping the relationship strong at different stages. The articles I've been able to find on the web are pretty shallow, and seem to assume that the purpose of marriage is to have kids. I'd like to find something that is more appropriate to a couple who got married at 40+ so have already attained (presumably) a certain degree of wisdom, and for whom kids are not in the picture or in the cards. Authors that I have found helpful and intelligent in the past have been Gottman, Sue Johnson (Hold Me Tight), and the author of perennial AskMe favorite The Five Love Languages. I'm specifically interested in the 5-10 year stage, but welcome broader surveys as well.
posted by matildaben on Jan 29, 2014 - 5 answers

What's the line between having needs and being needy?

I recently married the love of my life after dating for a year. He's a good man, really kind, wonderful to my kids and sweet to me. I don't want to screw it up but I'm also getting tired of being on my best behavior. [more inside]
posted by Lizlemondrop on Jan 22, 2014 - 31 answers

Detaching whilst staying

How does one practice detachment in a codependent, anxiety-rich relationship? How can I be the husband my wife needs me to be whilst also getting what I need? [more inside]
posted by yasp on Jan 22, 2014 - 47 answers

Book for sudden end to a marriage

Asking for a friend: I was approached by a friend today who was looking for a book to recommend to a friend of her's. The friend of a friend is going through a sudden and bewildering end to a marriage (her husband of many years packed his clothes while she was at the store and left). Obviously, she is in tremendous shock and plans to seek help from a counselor, but I'm wondering if anyone can recommend any books for her in the meantime. [more inside]
posted by 4ster on Jan 19, 2014 - 7 answers

Step by step guide to get our future married house in order?

We're getting hitched! Yay! I freak out about money, and I freak out that my fiancé doesn't freak out about money as much as I freak out. Is there a good step-by-step guide you'd recommend that we can go through together to make sure we're covering all of our bases for saving for retirement, saving for other stuff, and paying down debt?
posted by ashtabula to opelika on Jan 16, 2014 - 12 answers

Having a bride and groom with parents wedding onlyy

Hi, Guys Me and my boyfriend recently decided to get married and go from boyfriend status to a married status after a short engagement f 1 month. We know we love each other and that it is working. [more inside]
posted by barexamfreak on Jan 15, 2014 - 26 answers

Just not into him or fears from the past? 35f ponders marriage, again.

TL/DR: My BF (30) and I have been together a year and 1/2. Moved too fast for me, and him too in retrospect. Never got on my own feet after bad divorce and that feeling has endured the length of my current relationship. Close friend and 1000000 people on Meta suggest breaking up. But...I panic at that, too. [more inside]
posted by dollyllama on Jan 9, 2014 - 25 answers

There's a tiny dent in our basement door. Can this marriage be saved?

Is it necessary in a marriage to apologize for innocent mistakes like dropping a laptop? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 5, 2014 - 69 answers

ID this joke about what you call an apartment

I've been trying to recall a vaguely remembered joke that goes through different stages in a relationship and for each one has a different, relevant name for what you call an apartment. Something like, when you're just married it's a unit, later on it's something, then when things start to go south it's a flat, and when the marriage ends poorly it's an apartment (ha ha). Does anyone recognize this and know the full text of the joke?
posted by capricorn on Jan 1, 2014 - 1 answer

We got hitched! Going to see a lawyer for a will. What to ask?

A week ago today, my sweetheart and I got (gay) married in Utah! We're thrilled. We're going to see a lawyer familiar with gay rights issues that our friend recommended in the new year so we can draw up wills, etc. Here's the question: what is the etc? And any tips for input on wills? [more inside]
posted by timpanogos on Dec 27, 2013 - 7 answers

SSRIs and the end of romantic love

Four months after my husband went on Lexapro, I could see it in his face that he didn't love me anymore. At seven months, he asked to separate after four years of marriage. After finding this article online, I'm curious as to whether others have had similar experiences. Have you or your spouse experienced a decline in attachment/romantic love after starting an SSRI? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 71 answers

Relationships - how to decide if they're worth the effort?

I haven't been in an LTR in years. I'm in my early thirties, strongly introverted and don't have many friends, so its not a surprise that I haven't met "the one" yet. Everyone I know seems to be getting married and having babies, which has prompted me to wonder if I'd like to do the same. To be honest I'm not sure if it is worth the effort of dressing up, and going on lots of dates to find a guy, and then having to maintain a relationship (I'm not good with people) or whether I should accept that I am different to the others, and just focus on being happily single. For the singletons: did you ever consciously decide to stay single, or did it just happen? If you decided, how did you make that choice? For the coupled-up: Have you ever considered being single long-term, and if so why did you reject that idea? Did you consciously choose to find a partner or did you just meet them by accident (e.g. online dating vs meeting when you least expected it) Hope that all makes sense!
posted by EatMyHat on Dec 14, 2013 - 28 answers

Considering divorce... or depression

Married almost 3 years, together for over 4 years. My husband is a funny, arrogant genius, and when I first met him he was very kind to me. Right after we got married, things changed... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 24, 2013 - 52 answers

Same-sex marriage: what does it legally mean?

Dear Metafilter: My girlfriend and I (also a lady) want to get married. Yay! Now what exactly does that mean for us? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 23, 2013 - 11 answers

How do I deal with my spouse having an external romantic relationship?

I found out my partner of 20 years/spouse of 11 was having an emotional/romantic affair with our best friend and lied to me about it. Now that we've gone through the initial reveal, I've told her I've forgiven her; she's hinting she's been thinking about romantic relationships outside of our marriage. tl;dr- Are we done here or can this be saved? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 22, 2013 - 49 answers

Should I ask the man I'm seeing not to have a vasectomy?

I'm in my mid-20's, leaning towards not having kids, but recognize that I could change my mind. I just started dating a wonderful man who has scheduled a vasectomy for next month. Is it asking too much to ask him to reconsider? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 19, 2013 - 44 answers

I've been going in circles about this for a while

My relatively new boyfriend (half a year) told me he never wanted to get married or have kids. I have always wanted these things. Friends tell me that since we're still young and none of this is an issue yet, I shouldn't be worrying about it, but I can't help it. What to do? [more inside]
posted by LoonyLovegood on Nov 18, 2013 - 49 answers

Do I go to my stepson's wedding if I don't support it?

Do I go to my barely 18 year old stepson's wedding if I don't support the reasons and believe it to be a huge mistake? Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 16, 2013 - 81 answers

Can I use my old passport even though I've legally changed my name?

I was married a few years ago and subsequently changed my name. My DL says my married name. We are preparing for international travel early next year, and I'm wondering if I need to pay the $110 to get a new passport or if we can just put my maiden name on the plane ticket. I'm a US citizen... [more inside]
posted by ancient star on Nov 15, 2013 - 12 answers

Struggling to forgive my SO's emotional cheating

How can I forgive my SO (and myself) for emotionally cheating on each other? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 12 answers

How do you deal with a guy who has fear of commitment.

I am dating a guy for 6 months and we are super open. We moved in together. We love each other. I think he is afraid of commitment and marriage. Although he said clearly that he wants to get married and have kids, it is clear that not now. He wants to save and then jump in marriage. Although I don't have a problem with this, and he is only 26, do you think that 3 years is really going to change him or he will say the same thing. I want a family and just going to find another guy is not the option because I did that and you know what? A relationship builds in time. I am not willing to start from scratch again and again. I don't want to be looking my whole life. I am a profesional with a great career. My bf keeps saying that I am great, he loves me a ton, but my question is will e commit one day? What will make him change? Should I do something?
posted by barexamfreak on Nov 6, 2013 - 25 answers

My future just doesn't fit anymore

When leaving is terrifying, but staying's unbearable: please help me figure out what to do. [more inside]
posted by morninganyway on Nov 1, 2013 - 42 answers

How do I stop being so paranoid in my relationship?

Damaged by a previous infidelity, I find it hard not to read every ordinary, innocent thing as a Sign. It's hurting an otherwise loving relationship with a wonderful woman, and I hate being this way and feel I am committing my own kind of betrayal. Looking for advice on strategies to stop, deflect, lessen. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 30, 2013 - 32 answers

How to not live in the suburbs.

My husband and I are at an impasse. Please help. [more inside]
posted by snarfles on Oct 24, 2013 - 46 answers

Help us plan a minimal marriage—somewhere!

We want to get married this fall, but need help planning. We want it to just be the two of us, in a civil ceremony (no wedding, no religion, no guests). We live in DC, and are open to doing it in DC, or in another state like New York or Vermont (making it into a long weekend trip). Help us decide on the location and a few other details. [more inside]
posted by RedMapleWhiteOak on Oct 19, 2013 - 13 answers

We are "on a break". How long should it last?

My fiancee and I have been together for seven-and-a-half years, owned a house together for three, and in the spring of this year she agreed to marry me. Last week she told me, quite out of the blue, that she wanted a break from our relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 18, 2013 - 40 answers

Where should I live?

Looking for a home in a gay marriage state. [more inside]
posted by ohsnapdragon on Oct 14, 2013 - 50 answers

Just got engaged. Problem, I still think about the one that got away.

I just got engaged to an amazing guy. He's funny, smart, interesting, stable, settled in his career, and is going places...basically, a "10" by any and every objective measure. The problem is that ever since we've gotten engaged, I keep thinking of the first and only guy I've ever felt was "the one" I was destined to be with, and the problem has only exacerbated since my fiancé wants to drop his life for a year in California to be closer to me as I finish up college. Snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by lotusmish on Oct 5, 2013 - 102 answers

Getting married in US - we don't want a green card!

I’m a US citizen engaged to non-US citizen. After the marriage, we’re planning to live in his home country, not the US. In other words, he will not be applying for a green card. However, we would like to get married in the US. Our thought was for him to enter the US on a tourist visa, get married, then he’ll return to his home country and I’ll begin the process for applying for the equivalent of a green card in his country. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 4, 2013 - 16 answers

How to prevent divorce when travelling the world with one's spouse?

My husband and I are about to embark on an extended period of travel together. It has been our dream for many years to do this, and now the time has arrived: we've quit our jobs, rented our house, and we leave the country on a one-way ticket to warm climes in about 2 weeks. We're going to be together A LOT for the next several months. What can we do to prevent strangling one another (figuratively speaking, of course) or causing a huge crisis in our marriage with so much (too much?) togetherness? [more inside]
posted by Halo in reverse on Oct 4, 2013 - 35 answers

Ideas for fifth wedding anniversary

What amazing fun thing can we arrange for our fifth wedding anniversary when we have 6 months to plan? Relevant details inside. [more inside]
posted by Librarypt on Sep 30, 2013 - 5 answers

What the hell did I just do?

I have asked a previous question about my situation and was really grateful for the advice. So last week I took it, and I told my SO that I thought we weren’t working and it would be better for both of us if we separated. So we did at the weekend. And now I don’t know if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Where do I go from here? Oh so many, many details below. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Sep 30, 2013 - 25 answers

What is the ideal age gap in heterosexual relationships?

A growing body of scientific research suggests that the ideal age gap between a man and a woman is fifteen years, provided that the latter is younger so as to mitigate the effect of the midlife crisis. Yet, conventional wisdom posits that the half-your-age-plus-seven rule and that the three to six years rule are equally valid. What do you think? [more inside]
posted by lotusmish on Sep 27, 2013 - 55 answers

If he likes it, he should put a ring on it. Right?

After nearly two years, my live-in boyfriend still doesn't want to get married, but he's becoming more open to it. I'm ready to go for it. Can this work? [more inside]
posted by anotheraccount on Sep 24, 2013 - 61 answers

What's a good town for a single man in his late 30s...

What's a non-US city that might be especially good for a 38-year old divorced straight male looking to meet a woman and settle down? Much more specific details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 22, 2013 - 37 answers

Where are all the ready-to-settle-down men in London?

You are male, single, employed, 20/30-ish, looking to settle down and start a family with a similar lady within the next three years or so. Where in London do you go to find potential dates? (Asking for a friend.)
posted by fix on Sep 21, 2013 - 10 answers

How to live with my wife before the divorce?

My wife wants to leave me. In late March I discovered an affair she was having. We went through several months of what can best be described as "limbo" while she tried to decide what she wanted to do (leave or stay). At the end of July she announced "when I'm able, I'm going to move out." Problem is - the economics of this are basically impossible. So we still live in the same house. How can I make this easier for me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 6, 2013 - 66 answers

Need advice: Is it time for a divorce, or do I ride this out?

Should I seriously be considering a divorce now, or give it more time? And if I do want to initiate a split--how do I do it, since this will totally blindside him? What else should I do to prepare if it comes to that? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 4, 2013 - 27 answers

How to prepare for a divorce that might or might not be coming

My husband is talking about getting a divorce. It is unclear to me whether he is serious or whether he is having a midlife crisis of some sort. Without knowing whether we will or won’t get divorced, what should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 3, 2013 - 35 answers

What to do when your equal-division-of-labor spouse is too hurt to help?

My husband got into a pretty bad accident this week and will need surgery in a few days. He is at home and his pain is managed, but he can't move around much. I'm now in charge of doing everything in our house as well as taking care of him, and I'm having trouble coping. [more inside]
posted by oysters oysters oysters eat eat eat on Aug 31, 2013 - 28 answers

Marriage & Work Filter, opposing schedules edition

What non-obvious effects can I expect if I take a job with hours that are very different from my wife's? [more inside]
posted by jon1270 on Aug 31, 2013 - 21 answers

How to help things go well

My friend began dating an acquaintance a few months after meeting, and became pregnant 2 months after that. She is in her later 30s, divorced, he is in his mid 30s, never married. She decided to keep the baby. [more inside]
posted by galenka on Aug 30, 2013 - 11 answers

Marriage versus home and parents

I'm stuck. My wife and I have been married for a little over a year, and there's a looming issue I haven't been able to shake off since the engagement: being close to my home and family conflicts with my wife's goals and what's good for our marriage. [more inside]
posted by winterroad on Aug 28, 2013 - 41 answers

Best way to get my girlfriend a Foreign Visa K2 etc?

Me an my girlfriend are planning to get married next year. Right now she is living in Japan. She mentioned to me that a K1 visa is what she will need to stay in the United States once we get married. Does anyone know of any caveats to this visa? Would it be best to hire a lawyer to help us make sure the process goes smoothly? Also, are there any other options for visas that she could potentially get? My idea is to propose to her when she visits me on a 3 month visitor's visa and then get married within that 3 months. Any relevant experiences are welcome. Thanks for you help.
posted by locussst on Aug 21, 2013 - 14 answers

Partner lied about previous sexual partners & his faithfulness

A lie of omission, to be more accurate. When I met my (now) husband he understood that I hadn’t had sex and didn’t plan on it before marriage, and that I was looking for someone with similar beliefs about sex. Because he knew this, he was honest and told me that he had been in a long-term relationship with someone before for 7 years - I was fine with this. But I recently discovered that he had sex with 3 different women right as he was getting to know me, (one of whom I've since met at one of his work parties, and cringe to think I was the only one in the group who didn't know about this), and he didn't feel it was important to tell me about it when he proposed to me. [more inside]
posted by Zee101 on Aug 21, 2013 - 43 answers

What is going on here? (Relationship clarity)

Some advice needed on a newly poly marriage...issues regarding imbalance of resources/effort, feelings of rejection, control issues, etc Please PM me if you think that will be more helpful. [more inside]
posted by queenba on Aug 15, 2013 - 41 answers

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