My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for the last 3. We met when I was 19, and him 21. Recently I have been feeling like I might want out. I still love him, but I am not sure that he is going to change in ways which I would prefer him to.
Should I tell him I want to separate or wait to see if things get better?
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posted by anonymous
on May 19, 2013 -
35 answers
I am married and recently realized I had developed romantic feelings for a friend/coworker (also married). I have stopped speaking to him for the sake of my marriage. He really wants to know why I am avoiding him. What's the best way to handle this without making him feel bad?
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posted by anonymous
on May 6, 2013 -
30 answers
After 2 years of marriage my wife (age 33) still doesn't want to have children while I (age 35) desperately want ones. Before marriage we have discussed it and she said that she would like to wait "for about a year" before trying for a baby. I agreed. Now she is saying that she isn't ready yet, and won't be ready for another 2 years. I thought that we have an agreement, but I was mistaken. Is it at all possible that she will change her mind, or postponing children for more years is just a stalling tactic on her behalf?
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posted by anonymous
on May 5, 2013 -
64 answers
I've been in a relationship for 3 years, waiting on a proposal. I don't know if it will materialize. Lately I've been fantasizing about an ex-boyfriend who I made a marriage pact with.
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posted by anonymous
on May 3, 2013 -
48 answers
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. Through a combination of hard work, opportunity and luck, I find myself in my 30's with a very decent net worth. It's enough to allow me to feel very secure about retirement, job/career changes, health issues, supporting family, etc. and this security is probably the most important aspect of money to me. For me, money means security, safety, freedom. I maintain a very middle-class lifestyle, continue to work full-time and save at a reasonable rate.
I've started to realize how much this factors into my thinking about long term relationships, especially marriage (and its attendant family joining) and financial co-mingling, and am looking for some perspectives on positive ways of managing these kinds of issues.
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 27, 2013 -
21 answers
My husband drinks too much, and I just attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I have some questions about it.
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 17, 2013 -
18 answers
My wife and I are having a lot of problems in our marriage, have been for quite some time. Infidelity on both sides. Unresolved childhood trauma. Lack of trust and honesty from both parties. We have a wonderful life and two amazing children and are best friends, have been since high school.
We're both starting therapy (separately) and then maybe marriage counseling. And I suppose this is one of those things that I can expect or hope to work out in therapy? But right now, how do I know if I should stay in my marriage?
What signs did you have that your marriage was over or was salvageable?
posted by anonymous
on Apr 9, 2013 -
13 answers
My wife and I separated six months ago. Now, after marriage and individual counselling, it looks like we might be ready to give things another shot. How do we go about re-integrating our lives whilst there are still small alarm bells ringing?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 1, 2013 -
32 answers
I've been married for a few more than 10 years. For most of that time, I did not really listen to my wife or honor her goals and desires for our life together. Starting in 2012, I have made a change in my attitude and actions, and we are communicating and making significant progress in our relationship. If it were just making the current state of affairs good, I think we're on a good track and we'd be ok. My question is: How do I make up for the previous ~10 years? If you want to email: accommodatee@mail.com. Thanks in advance for any advice, here or via email.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 20, 2013 -
30 answers
My husband and I (a woman) have been together about 15 years now. I have become more self-reflective over time; I know myself better, I am less likely to react impulsively, etc. My husband seems stuck in the same place he was when he was 25 years old. I am feeling us growing apart and it is stressing me out; I want to understand why he doesn't seem to be growing any further, and whether there's anything I can or should do.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 19, 2013 -
95 answers
Resources, books, tips, anecdotes for a man dealing with a wife that doesn't seem to have an inherent sex drive?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 18, 2013 -
48 answers
We want to get married, but need to do it much quicker than expected for visa/insurance reasons. How to handle it (snowflakes within)?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 13, 2013 -
21 answers
My SO and I are in a delicate and precarious financial & marital state and from my perspective he's actively fucking things up for us all. What can I do to get us on the right track?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 12, 2013 -
65 answers
My boyfriend treats me wonderfully, like I'm the most important thing on the planet. Now, we are taking our first steps down a very quick path towards Full Lifetime Committment: moving-in, with the understanding that marriage and kids will follow shortly. (Why the speed? I'm 37 with some history of ladytroubles that require maximum time to try and get pregnant.) I was feeling very ready for all this 2-3 months ago, but now am having doubts. Help! Are these standard cold feet, or do you spot any red flags here?
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 27, 2013 -
26 answers
We've decided to get married. Yay! I am the female half of a straight couple, if that matters. In the near future, we want to go to our local (US) courthouse and have a civil ceremony with just a judge and our immediate families present: his parents, my parents, his sibling+partner, my sibling+partner+child. Later this year, we'll throw an informal party and invite our extended circles to that as a larger celebration/reception. Our immediate families are supportive of this plan and just want us to be happy, but I have already gotten some pushback from friends and it gave me pause. So I guess I have questions about the practicality and etiquette of our plan and... whatever else we haven't thought about. Neither of us has been married before.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 26, 2013 -
53 answers
I think I have a problem with self esteem. Objectively, I know that I am a physically attractive person. This has been confirmed by plenty of people throughout my life. I want more than anything to be told by my husband that I am beautiful in certain ways, but he can't or won't. I don't want to need something from him that he is unable to give. How can I either stop focusing on this, or learn how to validate myself without his input?
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 22, 2013 -
33 answers
My husband is suffering the sexual doldrums of early middle age. Unfortunately, it's a catch-22: you have to be motivated to seek help...but when your sex drive is that low, you really don't care. How can I help him even want to have sex again?
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 20, 2013 -
30 answers
I think my marriage may be irreparably broken. The idea of splitting up is agonizing, but if things don't turn around soon, I can't stay.
But. I don't know what to do about our cat, and it's tearing me apart.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 20, 2013 -
39 answers
I have a good husband who treats me well. But he shouts in arguments every once in a while -- once every couple of months, maybe -- and I don't have a good sense of whether I'm overreacting to this. I'm curious: Is there an appropriate way to shout in an argument or is it always inappropriate? And do you or your spouse shout?
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 18, 2013 -
44 answers
Need advice to sort out my marriage after a very stressful time - very extended explanation inside.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 12, 2013 -
15 answers
About three years ago, my wife was visiting her mother when they discovered a cute puppy running around on the property. The mother took the puppy home and there was great rejoicing. Flash forward one year.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 7, 2013 -
45 answers
Hello. The other Boston area marriage counseling posts are several years old. I hope metafilter can help me find a good marriage counselor.
My husband and have been together for 17 years, married for four years. He is at his wits end dealing with my depression (which I'm currently in treatment for).
We need to talk to someone soon. Please give me some recommendations of good couples counselors.
posted by anonymous
on Feb 1, 2013 -
5 answers
I'm a writer married to a jazz musician. I always hoped I'd end up in this sort of arty, creative marriage. But there's a problem that is becoming overwhelming. In spite of fully expecting me to experience and support his art, my husband never, ever, reads anything I write. Not a two-page story or a blog post much less anything longer. He says he feels awful about never getting around to it (and I've made it clear it's fine if he hates it—I just want him to be willing to check it out) and he seems to be sincere... But he still doesn't read it. It really hurts me.
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 26, 2013 -
90 answers
I split up with my wife a couple of months ago, and have been doing really well since then. Recently I've been feeling a little bit like she's been stalking me on social media, and today I've woken up to messages asking me why I'm in contact with someone from my past. How do I handle this?
(I've tried to anonymise this as best I can)
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 24, 2013 -
45 answers
I'll be blunt: I think I married a man who is too good for me. I'm having trouble dealing with my feelings of low self-worth and am tormented by insecurity. It's like the relationship version of Imposter Syndrome.
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 21, 2013 -
27 answers
My husband lied to me in a multi-part, well crafted way, about something stupid. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable, and I don't know where to go from here.
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 11, 2013 -
48 answers
How should I address the fact that my boyfriend's unstable ex-wife continues to inappropriately contact him and his family?
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 27, 2012 -
22 answers
My wife of many years, and mother of my two children, is having (perfectly understandable, given the context) mental health issues that are making my life miserable. I want to handle this as lovingly as possible, in a way that will best protect my kids – please help me weigh my unpleasant options!
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 4, 2012 -
38 answers
Marriage fizzling; need your best holiday coping methods to get through the rest of the year.
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 4, 2012 -
12 answers
I think I've made a huge mistake. I'm newly married - only 3 months, but my husband is showing me facets of his personality that do not sit well with me. He seems to have anger issues. Nothing physical, but I need help making sense of it all, and I can't talk to him without him getting extremely defensive.
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 21, 2012 -
83 answers
Newly married, and trying to figure out emergency savings vs. retirement vs. paying off debt vs. saving for a family. Please help me prioritize.
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 7, 2012 -
22 answers
A few months ago during pillow talk, I gave my husband permission to have sex with me while I was asleep. Last night he did it, and I felt far more violated than I expected. How should I deal with these feelings of resentment and regret, given that I gave him prior consent? (Possible TW.)
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 6, 2012 -
23 answers
I feel like I am experiencing sleep paralysis--I know I want to wake up but I just can't move. I've had no shortage of difficult life challenges over the years. Leaving a drug-addled, abusive family behind, holding dying loved ones, quitting cigarettes, I've ended LTRs in the past (and had them ended by partners too). I am not an over-thinker or an indecisive person and this feels so weird.
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 2, 2012 -
5 answers
Please help me deal with my parents ever-strained and unhappy marriage, my fathers refusal to seek marriage counseling, my mother's emotional affair, and my grandparents horrible influence. This has been happening forever--now that I'm 20, my parents are divulging more and more. It's too hard to deal with. Any suggestions welcome.
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 31, 2012 -
24 answers
My history with money, coupled with recent life challenges, is affecting my marriage. I am stressed and angry; my partner is (probably) depressed and overwhelmed. How can we grow together, not apart?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 29, 2012 -
13 answers
My sister is separating and likely divorcing her husband after 15 months of marriage, and my family strongly disagrees with her decision. Do we tell her this?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 21, 2012 -
65 answers
Can you recommend a good therapist in Vancouver, BC with experience with open relationship/marriage and LGBT issues?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 11, 2012 -
0 answers
Supposed to be getting married to my long-term girlfriend, developing feelings for someone else, unsure of how to proceed.
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 7, 2012 -
36 answers
What do you wish you had known before you embarked on an intercultural relationship/marriage?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 4, 2012 -
37 answers
My friendship with coworker evolved into something which is apparently neither "just friendship" neither ethical behaviour.
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 1, 2012 -
12 answers
My husband just told me he's into crossdressing and wants to introduce D/s into our sex life.
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 26, 2012 -
15 answers
I'm happily married, but it's ridiculous how much I want a good first kiss. Help me get over it!
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 25, 2012 -
44 answers
