How would you bring up discussion of marriage without scaring your partner or making them feel pressured? [more inside]
I grew up witnessing my parents' verbally abusive marriage. They are combative and insulting toward each other. Also, my mom has always blamed her marriage and kids for her stalled career and other unhappiness in her life. When I think of having a relationship, I automatically feel like it will drag me down and make my life worse. I've come to understand over the years that others actually think of a relationship as a safety net and source of comfort. I want to think of them that way too. How can I adjust my mentality? [more inside]
Songs about long-term, developed love - not butterflies. [more inside]
About 15 years ago I behaved badly. Should I tell my husband about it? Ordinarily I'd say no, it's in the past. But there are some complicating factors. Help me figure out what to do. [more inside]
My husband will be moving from where we live in the NYC area to Boston for work for a minimum of three to five years and I'll be staying here. I'm looking for suggestions on how to transition to a long distance relationship and then how to maintain it. Best practices, things that worked, things that didn't work, and any ideas for how to survive a difficult transition. [more inside]
Please help me sort out my long-term thinking about my very good but maybe not perfect relationship? [more inside]
My moderate-drinker husband has twice in the last month drank to the point of repeatedly vomiting. These binges are out of character and deeply concerning. Should he see his doctor? What can I do? [more inside]
I'm a woman in my mid 40's, and my husband is in his early 50's. We've been married over 20 years, have 3 great kids and a relatively good life. But our sex life has taken a weird turn here lately (at least for me). [more inside]
Just one year old marriage and in crisis
My wife and I used to go out fairly frequently - not partying but dinner, museum, movie, etc. Almost two years ago we had a child, whom we both adore. However, we have not been out since. We have had offers to watch the child so we could go out and she would not take any up on it. What can I say for my wife to accept a date with me? [more inside]
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 15.
We both have our own issues (depression, ADD) and lately things have been very bad between us. Weekly fights with yelling and crying, instead of disagreements or discussion.
He wants us to find a "coach" that will help us define and reach our goals, I don't know if just coaching will help us. [more inside]
I've been trying to recall a vaguely remembered joke that goes through different stages in a relationship and for each one has a different, relevant name for what you call an apartment. Something like, when you're just married it's a unit, later on it's something, then when things start to go south it's a flat, and when the marriage ends poorly it's an apartment (ha ha). Does anyone recognize this and know the full text of the joke?
I am dating a guy for 6 months and we are super open. We moved in together. We love each other. I think he is afraid of commitment and marriage. Although he said clearly that he wants to get married and have kids, it is clear that not now. He wants to save and then jump in marriage. Although I don't have a problem with this, and he is only 26, do you think that 3 years is really going to change him or he will say the same thing. I want a family and just going to find another guy is not the option because I did that and you know what? A relationship builds in time. I am not willing to start from scratch again and again. I don't want to be looking my whole life. I am a profesional with a great career. My bf keeps saying that I am great, he loves me a ton, but my question is will e commit one day? What will make him change? Should I do something?
A lie of omission, to be more accurate. When I met my (now) husband he understood that I hadn’t had sex and didn’t plan on it before marriage, and that I was looking for someone with similar beliefs about sex. Because he knew this, he was honest and told me that he had been in a long-term relationship with someone before for 7 years - I was fine with this. But I recently discovered that he had sex with 3 different women right as he was getting to know me, (one of whom I've since met at one of his work parties, and cringe to think I was the only one in the group who didn't know about this), and he didn't feel it was important to tell me about it when he proposed to me. [more inside]
So my fiance and I broke up recently. While a lot of the people in our community know, I continue to encounter situations in which I'm asked, "How's your fiance?" or "What's new with you?" I want them to know so they stop asking me. But if I say, "Actually, we broke up" their face falls and we enter a very awkward conversation full of forced empathy neither of us want to be in. What can I say in a sentence or two to avoid this fate? [more inside]
What activities/questions/elements would YOU include in a [card and/or board] game meant to serve as part of the "maintenance work" of a romantic relationship? [more inside]
A friend of mine refuses to address his anxiety issues. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but also don't know how much more I can take. Please help. [more inside]
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for the last 3. We met when I was 19, and him 21. Recently I have been feeling like I might want out. I still love him, but I am not sure that he is going to change in ways which I would prefer him to.
Should I tell him I want to separate or wait to see if things get better? [more inside]
I've been in a relationship for 3 years, waiting on a proposal. I don't know if it will materialize. Lately I've been fantasizing about an ex-boyfriend who I made a marriage pact with. [more inside]
It's another wedding question.. I'm getting married on April 26th (yay) and I'm looking for a good first dance song that reflects our history as a couple. We were best friends for about 6 years before we started seriously dating and I'd love to dance to a song that reflects that. My fiance mentioned Can't Fight this Feeling by REO Speedwagon but I was looking for other suggestions. Any type of music is okay except country because we aren't big country fans.
I've been married for a few more than 10 years. For most of that time, I did not really listen to my wife or honor her goals and desires for our life together. Starting in 2012, I have made a change in my attitude and actions, and we are communicating and making significant progress in our relationship. If it were just making the current state of affairs good, I think we're on a good track and we'd be ok. My question is: How do I make up for the previous ~10 years? If you want to email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks in advance for any advice, here or via email. [more inside]
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under 3 years, and we have lived together for over one year. We are in our late twenties. We are extremely compatible 90% of the time, have so much fun together, are mutually supportive, generally very communicative, and love each other deeply. We get along with each others' families, we travel and live well together, and we share so many interests. I am ready to marry the man, and he is maybe/kinda/sorta ready to marry me. Ouch! [more inside]
Girlfriend pushing relationship faster than I'm comfortable with, any way to hit the brakes? [more inside]
Need advice to sort out my marriage after a very stressful time - very extended explanation inside. [more inside]
This is a question for those of you who are married (or have an SO): When it comes to things like personal correspondence, is there still such a thing as privacy? [more inside]
Because I am prone to bouts of idealization and sometimes don't have my feet rooted in reality, I want to hear from those who are happily married or in a committed relationship with someone with whom they plan to build a life with.
I have *not one* real life example of a healthy functioning adult relationship, and although I have periods of loneliness, I can't imagine living like any of the people around me do.
Are all relationships just people fitting into each others dysfunctions? Are there real ones out there that work, or is that the fantasy ideal that we all chase after and never achieve? [more inside]
Talk to me about being married, but choosing to live apart. It sounds... awesome, for so many reasons. And I have heard that people do this. But I don't know any real people who have done it. If you or someone you know has this type of relationship, i'd like to know more about your experience. Examples of the type of stuff I want to know is: [more inside]
We've been together almost 2 years and at first I thought he was almost a perfect match for me. We got along, he made me so happy, he's so sweet, makes me laugh, and considerate. I know that every relationships get into the comfortable phase but lately I feel like he has taken me for granted and has gotten way too comfortable to the point I'm starting to lose interest in our relationship. I no longer look forward to seeing him and want to be alone, say I love you, kiss, or anything. [more inside]
Can I do an Angelina Jolie and get married for a third time while still maintaining my integrity? Please help me with your opinion. [more inside]
My husband lied to me in a multi-part, well crafted way, about something stupid. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable, and I don't know where to go from here. [more inside]
How does emotional intimacy work in your marriage/LTR? [more inside]
For people who were/are in a long-term relationship, what were your reasons for cohabiting or choosing that over marriage? Was the former a path leading to the latter? Or were the two independent choices and you picked one over the other- and why? If you chose one over the other, did things turn out the way you expected or otherwise?
Basically, I am interested in knowing why people who cohabit actively choose that, over marriage, if thats also an option. Did the results corroborate the premise?
Convincing my traditional parents that marrying my boyfriend (as opposed to an arranged marriage) is not a "sin". Tried for many years; can you help me try more? I will start with a little bit of my background. Please bear with me for the verbose description. [more inside]
Supposed to be getting married to my long-term girlfriend, developing feelings for someone else, unsure of how to proceed.
Why do I often dream of my ex? [more inside]
I feel like my marriage is falling apart. It's not because we don't love each other, but I don't know what to do. [more inside]
Help me reconcile the fact that my BF doesn't want to get married and I will have to return home due to visa restrictions. (long) [more inside]
My wife of 14 years never tells me she loves me. She never initiates sex. She never holds my hand, kisses or casually touches me. No pillow talk. No thoughtful little gifts. I do all of these things for her as often as I can.
Four years ago I married a great guy. We've been together a total of eight years. Sometime around when we got married...maybe a little before, I stopped wanting sex with him. I dreaded it on our wedding night/honeymoon. At first I thought it was just a phase, something to do with wedding planning burnout and general nerves. Four years later, it's even worse than it was. Otherwise, we have a good relationship, I think. We have everything in common, a shared worldview, good communication. Because of the sexual issue, we have talked numerous times about separating. I guess what I can't figure out is, why this has happened, and if our entire relationship is worth ending over it. [more inside]
[Psycho Filter] - I love him. He loves me. We intend to get married next year. YAY! But it feels like a really long time
away. Help me to be patient and enjoy the anticipation and build up, because right now I am suffocating in a world of "OMG CAN WE PLZ GET MARRIED YESTERDAY!" eagerness. [more inside]
Those who have read or are familiar with Mira Kirshenbaum's "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay:" recommend books / resources for dealing with my Power Person wife. [more inside]
Why can't I control my stupid feelings? Love one guy, distracted by another, engaged to be married. Advice/personal experience? [more inside]
Asking for a friend: How can a person get over a crippling anxiety of getting dumped? [more inside]
What is the difference between an ultimatum and a hard limit? [more inside]
Can you recommend a good relationship counselor in the Bay Area? [more inside]
Do you have a recommendation for a book about relationship ground rules and agreements in marriage? I'm interested in a book that might help someone to consider how they want to be treated, how to set reasonable expectations for interaction, and how to define what would constitute a good relationship for them. [more inside]
Help me figure out if this is a relationship dealbreaker-- my husband recently dragged me out of my chair, against my will. [more inside]
Marital strife filter: Was my husband out of line to invite three women to spend the night at our house when I was out of town? [more inside]
How to go about having a casual fling? [more inside]
I'm having a difficult time trying to mentally process an ex's recent wedding because I'm hung up on the sex/religion aspect of it all. I need advice on how to stop thinking about him. [more inside]