After 2 years of marriage my wife (age 33) still doesn't want to have children while I (age 35) desperately want ones. Before marriage we have discussed it and she said that she would like to wait "for about a year" before trying for a baby. I agreed. Now she is saying that she isn't ready yet, and won't be ready for another 2 years. I thought that we have an agreement, but I was mistaken. Is it at all possible that she will change her mind, or postponing children for more years is just a stalling tactic on her behalf?
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posted by anonymous
on May 5, 2013 -
64 answers
So, I'm trying to get some opinions here:
My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months and are in our mid-20s. We are both in school (undergrad for him, grad for me), but due to my income, we wanted to wait one more year, so that it would be financially better for us (e.g., paying tuition, etc). We are both interested in having children, however, something has come up for me health-wise (ulcerative colitis) that would make it less safe (because of medications) to have a baby later on, compared with now. Here are my questions for you:
1) Would you have a baby before marriage? What would be the reasons?
2) Has anyone actively planned this before? How did it work out?
I know some would say suck it up and push up the wedding, but it would save us a good 20K or so.
posted by queenba
on Mar 16, 2013 -
49 answers
We want to get married, but need to do it much quicker than expected for visa/insurance reasons. How to handle it (snowflakes within)?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 13, 2013 -
21 answers
My husband just got laid off from his position today. It's with a large company and he had excellent reviews but their revenue stream has not been up to par. They told him his position has been eliminated. However, he is welcome to reapply if and when blah, blah, blah... My concern is what is the right way to help him. He has never been laid off before and for the most part never thought this could happen. He is very optimistic by nature. He does seem a little shell shocked. My job is not going to be able to support our family. What are the first things we should do? I am also concerned about his mental well being and being a supportive partner while he looks for a new job. To make matters worse (or whatever) we have one in college, one applying to colleges, one getting ready to apply, and one freshman in high school.
posted by lasamana
on Feb 22, 2013 -
25 answers
My marriage is in bad shape and I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband for his lack of initiative, follow-through, and logistical/emotional support within our household, especially during times of crisis. But right now I feel like I'm dealing with the mother of all crises, and on a practical level it would be folly to leave for at least a year, nor will I be in a position to focus on giving him one last honest shot at fixing things for months. What tools/attitudes/approaches can I adopt or employ to keep from making things worse and even more unsalveagable over the next few months?
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posted by SomeTrickPony
on Feb 8, 2013 -
17 answers
A couple of weeks ago, I moved out of my marital home (details in my posting history). Whilst I seem to be doing okay, most people expect me to not be. In fact, they seem to expect a fragility and sadness from me that I'm not feeling even remotely. This has lead to some judgements from people that I could have done without.
How can I navigate the sympathy of folks during the holiday season without having to pretend to be an emotional mess (which I'm not) and without suffering judgement from people who don't know the whole story (Which I can happily live without).
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posted by six sided sock
on Dec 22, 2012 -
27 answers
I'm having difficulty navigating very different cross-cultural (U.S./El Salvador) family dynamics. Can you please offer me books, links or your own best practices on keeping an international marriage strong?
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posted by Coffee Bean
on Dec 14, 2012 -
8 answers
My sister is separating and likely divorcing her husband after 15 months of marriage, and my family strongly disagrees with her decision. Do we tell her this?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 21, 2012 -
65 answers
I need help in guiding my brother-in-law, who may be developmentally challenged, with some important life decisions. I am pretty much his only family contact, am at a bit of a loss, and not quite sure where to start; (slightly lengthy) details inside.
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 23, 2012 -
12 answers
Stuck in the middle of spouse and parents - How to tell parents to lay off? How to support spouse while also seeing my parents/visiting my hometown when I want to?
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posted by wannabecounselor
on Aug 7, 2012 -
22 answers
Commitment ceremonies: how do you do them? Particularly - how do you explain the idea to family?
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posted by divabat
on Sep 22, 2011 -
29 answers
I'm a mid-thirties man, committed relationship, wonderful kids, good job, great life, but I can not stop chasing attractive women. And it is wreaking havoc. How can I stop this, and why don't I want to?
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posted by anonymous
on Jul 25, 2011 -
69 answers
A family member told me that his wife has been complaining that she is getting emails from online dating services. He said she told him that she has never signed up for them.
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posted by CollectiveMind
on Jul 12, 2011 -
27 answers
I want to quit my job, sell our house, and move our family to a house that has been in my family for several generations. My husband cannot get on-board with this idea.
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posted by anonymous
on May 20, 2011 -
73 answers
My husband is critical, I'm defensive, we fight. What are some tricks for defusing situations like this?
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posted by anonymous
on May 6, 2011 -
33 answers
Help me mitigate the effects of my family's lack of enthusiasm for our engagement.
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posted by OLechat
on Jan 3, 2011 -
5 answers
What options do my boyfriend and I have to live life under our personal constraints of work and geography?
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posted by namesarehard
on Dec 12, 2010 -
36 answers
A week ago, my sister and her husband (they have a four year old) have decided to undergo a trial separation. Please help me figure out how best to support her, and whether or not I should keep my mouth shut.
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 9, 2010 -
17 answers
How do I talk to my mother about her depression, especially when I'm trying to create better boundaries but simultaneously plan for my family's future?
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posted by Madamina
on Oct 25, 2010 -
9 answers
When you "win" an argument with your spouse, it's not really winning, or is it?
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posted by abdulf
on Sep 17, 2010 -
47 answers
My brother's wife is leaving him, and it is hitting the whole extended family hard. None of us seem to know how to support him or how to deal with the depression that has resulted. Can anyone point us towards resources like books or websites to help this close extended family deal with this painful time and learn to support him and the young kids?
posted by anonymous
on Aug 21, 2010 -
3 answers
I've recently become engaged and my fiancee and I were planning on getting married in the fall. We've learned that one of our sisters is pregnant and is due around the same time. How late is too late for her to travel? Are we being unreasonable in picking a date when we know there's a high likelihood she won't be able to come?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 30, 2009 -
37 answers
I'm from a South Asian culture and made the mistake of allowing my parents to start looking for a girl for me. How do I get out of this?
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posted by reenum
on Feb 24, 2009 -
16 answers
Over the summer, I got married. For the most part, this is totally awesome. Due to circumstances beyond our control, though, we got married by eloping to Canada, and for many people, this seems to make our marriage less than real. I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 9, 2009 -
32 answers
Is it true that 3 days before and 3 days after a woman's period, there is sort of like a grace period, where the woman won't get pregnant?
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posted by minsid
on Dec 29, 2008 -
21 answers
My parents are getting a divorce. How do I support them? How do I relate to them without it being terribly weird on me? How do I stop worrying about them so much?
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posted by salvia
on Jun 30, 2008 -
6 answers
My friend is having an arranged marriage organised by his parents for him and recently decided to say yes to his bride. He made the announcement to his friends and said he was happy to do it even though it had been a difficult decision. We're not entirely sure he
is happy or that this is what he wants and don't know how to talk to him about it.
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posted by doobiedoo
on May 21, 2008 -
26 answers
I'm at University and far removed from home geographically. My parents are planning on getting divorced soon and anyone semi-observant would've seen this coming years and years ago. Both wonderful people, both wholly incompatible. So what can I/they do for my adorably clueless, naive, 8-year old sister who still has no idea?
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 4, 2007 -
14 answers
I've recently turned 28, and am still unmarried. For various reasons, I would prefer to stay single. However, my extended family has other ideas
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 14, 2006 -
17 answers
I’m a Brit living in the US and my husband is a New Yorker. I really suffer in the presence of my in-laws and don’t know whether this is just a cultural difference and I need to be more understanding and less uptight or if they really are insufferable and I need to draw a line. Below are the main issues. (Long sorry!)
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posted by anapurna
on May 11, 2006 -
61 answers
Why did you choose to have a baby?
I'm trying to get inside the mindset of people who are older than I am and in a very different part of their life. If you're someone who has always planned on having a family, why did you always plan on it and how do you feel about it now? If you never planned on a family and changed your mind, what made you change your mind? If you never planned on children but one come along by accident, how do you feel about them now? I'm looking for personal stories/anecdotes/opinions about it, not so much statistics or figures.
posted by twirlypen
on Dec 26, 2005 -
33 answers
My live-in boyfriend and I have been together for six years, and would very much like to get married soon. Our relationship is rock solid. We are both immigrants living in New York City and while we want a low-key wedding both come from backgrounds that value family weddings - while we can keep it small and inexpensive, running off to Vegas would upset a lot of people. Wanting to get married is bringing some unresolved family issues to the forefront . . . .
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posted by anonymous
on May 9, 2005 -
24 answers
My identical twin sister is getting married in September. I'm throwing her a party for the foreign relatives that can't attend in June.
After that June party I'll be visiting a long time dear friend from the 'net to see how we get along, and if it works out I'll be moving there in September.
The problem is, my sister doesn't approve of what I am doing - in a very patronizing and closed minded way - and I am honour bound to celebrate her wedding and be supportive and positive, without regard to her attitude about my joyous event.
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posted by anonymous
on May 5, 2005 -
20 answers
For couples: Along the same lines as the previous question, what's the maximum dollar value that you and your partner feel OK about spending without consulting the other? For me it's $75.
posted by luser
on Sep 3, 2004 -
28 answers
I am getting married this November. My SO and I have a great relationship with her parents and siblings, who live in the same town as we do (actually, she's living with her parents until our wedding). My family is 3,000 miles away from us. Now, I have a job offer that would require us to move about three hours away from her family. We can also stay where we are. Is it a good idea to be in close proximity to family as newlyweds? Is it more important to break away and start out on our own?
posted by willpie
on Jul 8, 2004 -
17 answers
