1342 posts tagged with marriage.
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Boundary-ignorant husband: part of a bigger problem?

My husband keeps pulling up my clothes and rubbing my belly (not pregnant, not trying to get pregnant, dear god I can only imagine if I was). It's meant to be affectionate but I HATE it. I've told him to stop, but he keeps doing it. I think my problem has less to do with the touching (although I really, really, really don't like it and resent having to apologize or explain it) and more to do with the fact that I explicitly asked him to stop but he has not. This makes me irrationally angry. Am I overreacting by moving out of our bedroom into our spare room? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2015 - 54 answers

Desperately want a family...but not with husband

Going on three years of marriage after a tumultuous two years of dating and an even more tumultuous engagement. I got married because at the time I was 33 and I thought my time was running out. I wanted to get married and start a family right away. Then I realized I don't love or even like my husband very much at all. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2015 - 81 answers

The fire is out, but is it possible to spark a new flame?

I don't feel sexually attracted to my spouse anymore. What now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 10, 2015 - 27 answers

Reboot our marriage! Tell us all about how we need therapy!

Spouse and I are struggling. We're busy, we're cranky, we're over extended, we are both feeling unappreciated and unheard. We have some of the stereotypical gender based dysfunctional interactions. We are having the same damn fights. Though more frequently because of life. There's no big drama, but we aren't being as nice to each other as we should be. We aren't supporting each other the way we should. [more inside]
posted by The Shoodoonoof on Nov 4, 2015 - 19 answers

Books about marriage

Can you recommend some books about marriage that have touched you in some way? Fiction or non fiction. [more inside]
posted by aeighty on Oct 23, 2015 - 38 answers

How to deal with husband's pseudocheating and inadequate remorse?

My husband engaged in particularly hurtful nonphysical cheating, and I had to catch him at it to find out. Now when we talk about it he seems remorseful, but that remorse doesn't translate to the rest of our life. How can I handle it and what should I do? [more inside]
posted by sockeroonie on Oct 22, 2015 - 52 answers

She has assets. I have debts. Can I shield her against me?

We are getting married. I want to protect her against my personal debts- IRS and old student loans. Are these loans transferable to a spouse? Leaving aside for now my financial management issues, is there anything (New York State) that will shield her?
posted by ebesan on Oct 19, 2015 - 8 answers

Should I stay in the family home after we get divorced?

I'm getting divorced. As a non-primary caregiver with joint legal custody, should I ask to stay in the marital house on the weekends, in order to be with the kids? [more inside]
posted by QuantumMeruit on Oct 15, 2015 - 42 answers

Needed: The perfect quote from Jane Jacobs

I'm officiating my first wedding next week (Exciting! Scary!) and working on final details. I really would like to include a quote from Jane Jacobs, the couple's hero. “Neighborhood is a word that has come to sound like a Valentine. As a sentimental concept, ‘neighborhood’ is harmful to city planning. Sentimentality plays with sweet intentions in place of good sense.” is what I'm currently playing with, but it's not quite hitting the spot in a way I'd like without over-explaining it. Urban planning and sociology nerds: can you suggest any and all Jane Jacobs quotes that in some way connect with love, community, and growth? I welcome truly any thoughts you have, and feel free to share a bit about how you might use it. THANK YOU!
posted by jenbo1 on Oct 11, 2015 - 3 answers

Feeling Lost

Five days ago my wife told me she wants to separate permanently. Everything since then has been a blur. I'm interested in hearing from others who have gone through something similar, to know how you made it through. [more inside]
posted by rabbitfufu on Oct 10, 2015 - 14 answers

How do I know if this engagement ring is good enough?

On the weekend my mother gave me her engagement ring to propose to my Girlfriend with. What worries me is that the diamond isn't large enough. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on Oct 8, 2015 - 67 answers

Bipolar: When to tell a date

I met a wonderful man who is smitten with me, and I with him. We have been talking on the phone for two weeks (we met online), and have had four fabulous, fun dates. He expresses that he really likes me. He is 37 and I am 30. He has been married before, and I asked him why they got divorced, and he explained to me that she developed bipolar disorder I with schizophrenic tendencies about 3 years into their marriage, and she could not get stabilized. She had multiple trips to the psych ward while he was in med school, and it was really hard on him. He was studying to be an anesthesiologist and the final straw was when his wife called his residency hospital and told them he was poisoning her with intravenous drugs. Well, that would all be fine and good, except...I have bipolar II. [more inside]
posted by asmith30 on Oct 5, 2015 - 24 answers

How do deal with "If you loved me, you'd..." in a relationship?

I come from an affectionate family; my husband is physically affectionate, but he says "I love you" to me basically on my birthday and Christmas (you get the gist). I've told him recently I'd like to hear it once a day or more, that it means a lot to me to hear it. [more inside]
posted by Piedmont_Americana on Oct 5, 2015 - 22 answers

Shoring up a marriage once the kids are a bit bigger

We have two little kids (almost 2 & 5). We love our two little kids. We're finally out of the pregnancy and infant stages, and maybe starting to get a little bit out of everything being in crisis mode all the time. But it's been a hard few years, and although our marriage isn't doing badly it feels like we really need to start working on us again. I'd like to hear from those of you a little further down the line of what you did to rebuild yourselves as a couple once your kids got a tad bigger and you could breathe again. [more inside]
posted by telepanda on Sep 24, 2015 - 20 answers

US permanent residency through marriage, difficulty: young relationship

I'm in the US on an F-1 visa, finished my Ph.D. and am currently on the post-degree OPT period which expires next May. My girlfriend and I have decided to get married so that I can stay in the country. We're in a bona fide relationship but have only been dating a couple of months, don't live together, and don't have the kinds of documents that most married couples can show to prove their marriage (e.g. joint lease / bank accounts). We’re getting a lawyer, but are also hoping to get some advice here from people who have been through the green card process. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 22, 2015 - 35 answers

Do you do share housework or do it all as a stay-at-home parent?

I'm a full-time mom of two children, one who is in school and one in preschool 2.5 hours a day. I'm trying to keep the house clean by myself, but am wondering- what works for you if you're also a stay-at-home parent? Do you do it all yourself or does your spouse help? What kinds of tasks do you share if you do share the housework? [more inside]
posted by percor on Sep 21, 2015 - 23 answers

One neat trick to dismiss Kim Davis' asshole bigotry

For some reason my mom decided it would be a great idea to let her married, lesbian daughter know that even though she supports gay marriage, she "sees Kim Davis'" point of view and thinks she should have the right to a religious exemption, or that she should "have the right" to keep her job because "the rules of her job changed". I was shocked in the moment and don't feel like I explained the case well. Now I'm looking for one good, objective resource that will explain this situation better. [more inside]
posted by nakedmolerats on Sep 21, 2015 - 18 answers

Advice for getting a UK fiancé visa in 2015

I'm an American man who just proposed to a British woman and I am wondering what pitfalls to watch out for in applying for a visa to enter the UK to marry. [more inside]
posted by johngoren on Sep 17, 2015 - 8 answers

Should we get married anyway and figure it out later?

My partner leaves home from May-October every year for work. I can't join him due to the nature of my own work. This might change in the future, but we want to get married and I'm increasingly unsure I (or our marriage) can cope with this kind of situation long-term. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 16, 2015 - 30 answers

Being happy being child free?

I want to have kids, my wife doesn't. The discussion is over so I'm now facing the reality that one of my life goals will never happen. This is really difficult to come to terms with. How do I let it go, not resent my wife and live a fulfilling life possibly with a missing piece? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 4, 2015 - 51 answers

Getting Social Security to change my middle name to my maiden name

I got married. I’m trying to change my name so my maiden name becomes my new middle name and I drop my given middle name entirely. It’s harder than it looks. [more inside]
posted by the turtle's teeth on Sep 3, 2015 - 31 answers

This One Weird Trick...Marriage Edition

I'm getting married this Sunday to a wonderful person. We've been together 5 years and have lived together for two of those years. We are both in our 30s. I'm interested in your "tricks" for a fulfilling and healthy marriage. [more inside]
posted by CMcG on Aug 31, 2015 - 42 answers

I am married and have left our shared religion. Can I make this work?

When my husband and I got married we were both practicing Muslims. We've been married almost 3 years and now I don't think I believe anymore. Can I make this work despite the religious differences? [more inside]
posted by deeba on Aug 22, 2015 - 17 answers

Solve this Memoir/History Problem For Me

Was interracial marriage ever illegal in New York State? What was the status of the law in 1961? [more inside]
posted by not that girl on Aug 20, 2015 - 10 answers

It Really Has Been That Easy For This Pretty Boy

So, I am married to a very pretty guy. We are both mid 30s. His entire relationship history includes women just throwing themselves at him, so he hasn't had to ever make any effort to learn how to be romantic or initiate foreplay. His current method is to just tell me he wants to have sex. When I complained that his method wasn't enough for me, he asked me what I want him to do. It is like I'm dealing with an adolescent boy. What resources could I steer him towards that don't include a sex therapist?
posted by LilithSilver on Aug 11, 2015 - 22 answers

How much conversation and together time should I expect?

How much conversation time or "together time" should I expect in my marriage? Do I have unrealistic expectations of what a healthy marriage is? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 6, 2015 - 21 answers

Freaking Out About Ending Up Alone

Just like the title says. In the aftermath of a relationship, I’m panicking about being resigned to singlehood. As you might expect, snowflakes ahead. [more inside]
posted by xenization on Aug 3, 2015 - 16 answers

I want a divorce, he doesn't

After a long consideration phase, I have decided that I want a divorce but my partner is refusing to start the formal process. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 29, 2015 - 25 answers

What are the actual legal benefits of getting married?

Me and my partner are both of the same gender (male, if you really want to know), and we've been together on and off since late 2002. So that's...12 3/4 years? Something like that. Anyway, after everything we've been through, I'd be surprised if I ended up committing to anyone else, and although my personal marriage philosophy mirrors Joni Mitchell's ("we don't need no piece of paper from the city hall/keeping us tied and true, no!") the truth is that if I couldn't be by his side when he's on his death bed in the hospital, or if I got kicked out of my house by his brother or his nieces and nephews after he dies, I would absolutely lose my mind, and might actually end up hurting someone. [more inside]
posted by sam_harms on Jul 20, 2015 - 21 answers

How can I rebuild my self-esteem in the wake of his porn addiction?

My husband appears to prefer porn as his primary sexual partner. I'm not against porn, but I thought part of the agreement couples had was that porn was an appetizer and sex is the main course. It's killing me. I know I need to leave, but I live out of state from my family and friends and don't have anyone where I live with whom I can ask to stay. How do I remember his intimacy problems/porn addiction are about him (per my therapist) and not internalize all this more than I already have until I can cut the cord? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 18, 2015 - 31 answers

a big ole bag of confusion, a possible engagement, and me

When faced with sexual confusion, mental health struggles, and a possible engagement, what is a guy to do? [more inside]
posted by MyBeautifulThrowaway on Jul 8, 2015 - 27 answers

How to survive life post-divorce?

Need advice from the hive mind on life after divorce. More inside... [more inside]
posted by heartofglass on Jul 7, 2015 - 8 answers

What's wrong with marrying your first love?

Or what's not wrong with it? It's coming (or came) to the time where marriage is on the forefront of everyone's thoughts in my relationship. There's a lot of pressure to get married soon, and with a combination of dissenting internal and external voices, there's a lot of confusion going on in my head. [more inside]
posted by buttonedup on Jul 4, 2015 - 53 answers

Common Law Union

In consideration of recent developments, from the Supreme Court on gender neutral marriage, what happens with the already problematic legal territory surrounding Common Law unions? One aspect of this question could be concern about exposing my long-term roommate to my liabilities. Another might be having a rightful claim on shared property.
posted by yesster on Jul 2, 2015 - 8 answers

Getting married in Georgia in two weeks. Friend is officiating. Legal?

My fiancee and I are getting married in a secular ceremony in Atlanta (ceremony in Fulton County, living in Dekalb County) two weeks from now. Our friend, who lives in California, will be officiating the wedding. We've already obtained the marriage license but want to make sure that our friend is properly credentialed to make the marriage legal when she signs it after the ceremony. [more inside]
posted by rbf1138 on Jun 26, 2015 - 9 answers

Limerance Frequency and Duration

Folks in LTR - how often do you look up/think about/fantasize about new and exciting entrants into your life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 26, 2015 - 12 answers

How to navigate a potential divorce?

Hi. This is me. I have been thinking for a couple weeks and am leaning towards divorce. I have multiple questions about this. [more inside]
posted by a strong female character on Jun 24, 2015 - 41 answers

Do I tell my friend that her husband left her to date a former student?

Should I tell her what my ex-friend is up to? If so, how should I tell her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 20, 2015 - 31 answers

What hope is there for a marriage where there are political problems

What is the best hope (or is there any) for a marriage where extreme political disagreements have cropped up? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 19, 2015 - 21 answers

Did my boyfriend just get married?

This is such a silly question, but I would appreciate AskMe's perspective. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and yesterday I stumbled on "wedding" photos of him and his ex that were taken two weeks ago. He told me that it was from a video that his university is making for new students to show how glamorous graduate school life can be (he's a professor and an alum). Am I being irrational in doubting him? [more inside]
posted by sockpuppetry on Jun 19, 2015 - 237 answers

If i invite one boss, am I obligated to invite the other?

The CEO of my company shot me a chat saying something alongs the lines of "My wedding invite must have been lost in the mail". (I requested time off from my job and cited the reason that I was getting married). [more inside]
posted by memi on Jun 10, 2015 - 23 answers

Stinky Cheese Time

Mr. Otter_Handler and I went to France in April and among many other delights managed to procure a small wheel of Livarot cheese, which was vacuum sealed by the fromageur when we bought it and refrigerated until our departure, then refrigerated once we got home. Mr. Otter_Handler opened it in late April, when in an effort to contain the aroma (yes, it does smell a bit like rotting cabbage) it was moved to a small dorm fridge in Mr Otter_Handler's study. It's June now and I can smell this cheese without opening the fridge. Is this cheese still good or can we say "au revoir" to this souvenir of Normandy?
posted by Otter_Handler on Jun 8, 2015 - 9 answers

How has marriage been used as a punishment?

I'd like to know more about the history of forced marriage as a consequence of wrongdoing. Where and why it has been practiced? [more inside]
posted by vathek on Jun 4, 2015 - 8 answers

Do I want to interrupt an engineering career to do patent law?

I’m trying to determine if it’s worth it to plan a career change from engineering to patent law, with a lengthy, difficult, expensive stop through law school first. Have you done this? Do you have special insight? [more inside]
posted by rybreadmed on Jun 3, 2015 - 17 answers

Should I believe a 40+ man who says he doesn't believe in marriage?

I've been dating a never-married man in his early 40s for the past few months. (I'm a decade younger.) Last night he casually mentioned that he never wants to get married and would be fine with raising kids without marriage -- just as HE was raised, as the only child of an unmarried mother. I am devastated because I am falling in love with him but cannot accept this commitment-free future. Should I get out now or endeavor to change his mind down the road? [more inside]
posted by Guinevere on May 23, 2015 - 60 answers

Not invited to the wedding

My brother-in-law invited my wife and my kids to his wedding, but not me. This evening, he texted my wife asking her to do a reading at the wedding. She's going to say yes. I feel amazingly resentful. Help. [more inside]
posted by QuantumMeruit on May 14, 2015 - 36 answers

Not marriage material

My boyfriend made a joke about men not wanting to marry me. I can't stop thinking about it and feeling terrible as a result. [more inside]
posted by sockermom on May 12, 2015 - 114 answers

Resources for surviving emotional abuse

I'm seeking techniques, advice and resources on how to protect oneself in an abusive relationship. [more inside]
posted by Les Socks Du Mal on May 6, 2015 - 14 answers

Help me cope with my anxiety about my wife's anxiety!

My wife struggles with anxiety and paranoid thoughts about our marriage. She'll often start asking questions of me about where I've been, if I'm seeing anyone else, whether I want to leave her and whether I think I'd be better off without her. I'm used to this, and I know that these are just intrusive thoughts rather than what she rationally believes, but I'm about to go away for work and I can't stop feeling anxious about what might happen whilst I'm away. [more inside]
posted by yasp on May 1, 2015 - 75 answers

Am I really wrong for wanting my husband to stay in counseling?

My husband and I have had a terrible past year. He has verbally, emotionally and mentally abused me. We each started into individual counseling last fall. His counselor is extremely perceptive and has keyed in on behaviours that lead to him abusing me, and we've both noticed real improvement at home as a result. After one month without any abuse, now he wants to quit counseling. This led to a nasty fight, where he thinks that I am a bad, manipulative person for wanting him to stick with counseling. Now I feel absolutely awful in every way. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine on Apr 29, 2015 - 117 answers

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