1315 posts tagged with marriage.
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I want a divorce, he doesn't

After a long consideration phase, I have decided that I want a divorce but my partner is refusing to start the formal process. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 29, 2015 - 25 answers

What are the actual legal benefits of getting married?

Me and my partner are both of the same gender (male, if you really want to know), and we've been together on and off since late 2002. So that's...12 3/4 years? Something like that. Anyway, after everything we've been through, I'd be surprised if I ended up committing to anyone else, and although my personal marriage philosophy mirrors Joni Mitchell's ("we don't need no piece of paper from the city hall/keeping us tied and true, no!") the truth is that if I couldn't be by his side when he's on his death bed in the hospital, or if I got kicked out of my house by his brother or his nieces and nephews after he dies, I would absolutely lose my mind, and might actually end up hurting someone. [more inside]
posted by sam_harms on Jul 20, 2015 - 21 answers

How can I rebuild my self-esteem in the wake of his porn addiction?

My husband appears to prefer porn as his primary sexual partner. I'm not against porn, but I thought part of the agreement couples had was that porn was an appetizer and sex is the main course. It's killing me. I know I need to leave, but I live out of state from my family and friends and don't have anyone where I live with whom I can ask to stay. How do I remember his intimacy problems/porn addiction are about him (per my therapist) and not internalize all this more than I already have until I can cut the cord? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 18, 2015 - 31 answers

a big ole bag of confusion, a possible engagement, and me

When faced with sexual confusion, mental health struggles, and a possible engagement, what is a guy to do? [more inside]
posted by MyBeautifulThrowaway on Jul 8, 2015 - 26 answers

How to survive life post-divorce?

Need advice from the hive mind on life after divorce. More inside... [more inside]
posted by heartofglass on Jul 7, 2015 - 8 answers

What's wrong with marrying your first love?

Or what's not wrong with it? It's coming (or came) to the time where marriage is on the forefront of everyone's thoughts in my relationship. There's a lot of pressure to get married soon, and with a combination of dissenting internal and external voices, there's a lot of confusion going on in my head. [more inside]
posted by buttonedup on Jul 4, 2015 - 53 answers

Common Law Union

In consideration of recent developments, from the Supreme Court on gender neutral marriage, what happens with the already problematic legal territory surrounding Common Law unions? One aspect of this question could be concern about exposing my long-term roommate to my liabilities. Another might be having a rightful claim on shared property.
posted by yesster on Jul 2, 2015 - 8 answers

Getting married in Georgia in two weeks. Friend is officiating. Legal?

My fiancee and I are getting married in a secular ceremony in Atlanta (ceremony in Fulton County, living in Dekalb County) two weeks from now. Our friend, who lives in California, will be officiating the wedding. We've already obtained the marriage license but want to make sure that our friend is properly credentialed to make the marriage legal when she signs it after the ceremony. [more inside]
posted by rbf1138 on Jun 26, 2015 - 9 answers

Limerance Frequency and Duration

Folks in LTR - how often do you look up/think about/fantasize about new and exciting entrants into your life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 26, 2015 - 12 answers

How to navigate a potential divorce?

Hi. This is me. I have been thinking for a couple weeks and am leaning towards divorce. I have multiple questions about this. [more inside]
posted by a strong female character on Jun 24, 2015 - 41 answers

Do I tell my friend that her husband left her to date a former student?

Should I tell her what my ex-friend is up to? If so, how should I tell her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 20, 2015 - 31 answers

What hope is there for a marriage where there are political problems

What is the best hope (or is there any) for a marriage where extreme political disagreements have cropped up? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 19, 2015 - 21 answers

Did my boyfriend just get married?

This is such a silly question, but I would appreciate AskMe's perspective. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and yesterday I stumbled on "wedding" photos of him and his ex that were taken two weeks ago. He told me that it was from a video that his university is making for new students to show how glamorous graduate school life can be (he's a professor and an alum). Am I being irrational in doubting him? [more inside]
posted by sockpuppetry on Jun 19, 2015 - 237 answers

If i invite one boss, am I obligated to invite the other?

The CEO of my company shot me a chat saying something alongs the lines of "My wedding invite must have been lost in the mail". (I requested time off from my job and cited the reason that I was getting married). [more inside]
posted by memi on Jun 10, 2015 - 23 answers

Stinky Cheese Time

Mr. Otter_Handler and I went to France in April and among many other delights managed to procure a small wheel of Livarot cheese, which was vacuum sealed by the fromageur when we bought it and refrigerated until our departure, then refrigerated once we got home. Mr. Otter_Handler opened it in late April, when in an effort to contain the aroma (yes, it does smell a bit like rotting cabbage) it was moved to a small dorm fridge in Mr Otter_Handler's study. It's June now and I can smell this cheese without opening the fridge. Is this cheese still good or can we say "au revoir" to this souvenir of Normandy?
posted by Otter_Handler on Jun 8, 2015 - 9 answers

How has marriage been used as a punishment?

I'd like to know more about the history of forced marriage as a consequence of wrongdoing. Where and why it has been practiced? [more inside]
posted by vathek on Jun 4, 2015 - 8 answers

Do I want to interrupt an engineering career to do patent law?

I’m trying to determine if it’s worth it to plan a career change from engineering to patent law, with a lengthy, difficult, expensive stop through law school first. Have you done this? Do you have special insight? [more inside]
posted by rybreadmed on Jun 3, 2015 - 17 answers

Should I believe a 40+ man who says he doesn't believe in marriage?

I've been dating a never-married man in his early 40s for the past few months. (I'm a decade younger.) Last night he casually mentioned that he never wants to get married and would be fine with raising kids without marriage -- just as HE was raised, as the only child of an unmarried mother. I am devastated because I am falling in love with him but cannot accept this commitment-free future. Should I get out now or endeavor to change his mind down the road? [more inside]
posted by Guinevere on May 23, 2015 - 60 answers

Not invited to the wedding

My brother-in-law invited my wife and my kids to his wedding, but not me. This evening, he texted my wife asking her to do a reading at the wedding. She's going to say yes. I feel amazingly resentful. Help. [more inside]
posted by QuantumMeruit on May 14, 2015 - 36 answers

Not marriage material

My boyfriend made a joke about men not wanting to marry me. I can't stop thinking about it and feeling terrible as a result. [more inside]
posted by sockermom on May 12, 2015 - 114 answers

Resources for surviving emotional abuse

I'm seeking techniques, advice and resources on how to protect oneself in an abusive relationship. [more inside]
posted by Les Socks Du Mal on May 6, 2015 - 14 answers

Help me cope with my anxiety about my wife's anxiety!

My wife struggles with anxiety and paranoid thoughts about our marriage. She'll often start asking questions of me about where I've been, if I'm seeing anyone else, whether I want to leave her and whether I think I'd be better off without her. I'm used to this, and I know that these are just intrusive thoughts rather than what she rationally believes, but I'm about to go away for work and I can't stop feeling anxious about what might happen whilst I'm away. [more inside]
posted by yasp on May 1, 2015 - 74 answers

Am I really wrong for wanting my husband to stay in counseling?

My husband and I have had a terrible past year. He has verbally, emotionally and mentally abused me. We each started into individual counseling last fall. His counselor is extremely perceptive and has keyed in on behaviours that lead to him abusing me, and we've both noticed real improvement at home as a result. After one month without any abuse, now he wants to quit counseling. This led to a nasty fight, where he thinks that I am a bad, manipulative person for wanting him to stick with counseling. Now I feel absolutely awful in every way. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine on Apr 29, 2015 - 115 answers

Strategies to overcome insecurity/jealousy of husband's female friend?

In the past several months, my husband has become close with one of my female friends, and they have started spending a lot of time together and texting each other almost daily. I'm uncomfortable with this, but I know this is my own issue to overcome because I trust them both and am 100% confident nothing questionable is happening between them. [more inside]
posted by Librarypt on Apr 21, 2015 - 95 answers

How to handle an affair?

Looking for suggestions on how to deal with the emotional aspects of an extramarital relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2015 - 13 answers

Same-Sex Wedding Etiquette: Do We Invite Non-Supportive Parents?

My same-sex partner and I have decided to get married. However, on both sides of our family we have immediate family members who are either tepid or outright hostile to gay marriage--specifically, both sets of parents. Should we extend to them invitations to our wedding anyway out of courtesy or deliberately not invite them? [more inside]
posted by Quaversalis on Apr 15, 2015 - 42 answers

Married and having dreams about exes. What to do?

My partner is having mental health problems that prevent him from being a full partner to me right now. I don't know if it's causal, but for the last several months I've been having dreams of (and thinking about) a specific ex. What does this mean and how should I deal? Complications inside. [more inside]
posted by sockmeamadeus on Apr 11, 2015 - 25 answers

He may be cheating but maybe not?? What to do?

I have a dear friend that I've known for over 10 years. Went to visit her and her husband last weekend. While we were there, her husband told my husband that he's been spending time with a younger "party-girl" during his recent business trips. They hit the bars and stay up late drinking. My husband asked if he'd cheated and he answered "no comment". My husband was stunned and not sure how to handle the situation but is now quite upset about it and feels stuck in the middle. He also doesn't want to interfere in the situation any further. [more inside]
posted by Ms.Pants on Apr 11, 2015 - 65 answers

How did you organize your decision making around divorce?

I'm debating getting divorced. I'm interested in the decision-making process. If you've debated getting a divorce - whether you ultimately decided to or not - what did your process look like? What did you do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 10, 2015 - 24 answers

Sex Therapy Books or other resources

My wife told me last night that she has lost interest in sex. We'd like to go see a couples sex therapist, but that's not something we can afford at the moment. Until that changes, can you recommend books or online resources that might be able to help us?
posted by moonroof on Apr 7, 2015 - 14 answers

What does it look like for financial values to fundamentally change?

My SO & I are in our 30’s, have been dating over a year and have been talking about marriage. We are having a crisis over our differing financial values. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2015 - 21 answers

Last minute marriage, need to not pay for health insurance twice

We got married on the spur of the moment and are now facing the prospect of paying for health insurance twice for the first couple of months of being married. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2015 - 4 answers

Give me your best NON-RELIGIOUS wedding readings

I'm looking for a short reading for our wedding that we can ask an athiest friend of ours to read. Other portions of the ceremony will contain religious elements, but we don't want to ask him to read anything that might make him feel uncomfortable or awkward. [more inside]
posted by rainbowbrite on Mar 25, 2015 - 29 answers

Marriage models?

Looking for research on good marriages, not memoirs or personal anecdotes. My therapist asked me the qualities of a good marriage and I hadn't a clue. My immediate family are all unhappily married, and I only recently realised how fearful my own marriage is and left. I basically assume that "If they're not beating you or cheating on you, that's enough." I'm looking for what comes after reading John Gottman: research on thriving marriages, including multicultural or historical. Books, documentaries, films and novels, scholarly keywords etc. I'm not looking for personal accounts but bibliography recommendations.
posted by dorothyisunderwood on Mar 22, 2015 - 15 answers

what to do when husband refuses to go to counseling?

I'm at my wits end with my husband and not sure how much longer I can take it, but he refuses to go to counseling. Is there any way I can save our relationship without counseling? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 20, 2015 - 75 answers

My husband will not have sex with me. Can I hear it from the men?

I have been married for 8 years. We have one son, he is 6. I would love to give him a sibling, but it is very hard to get my husband interested in sex. Apart from the procreative goal, it is very lonely and hurtful living with someone who to all intents and purposes does not find me attractive. I am slim, reasonably fit and look good for my age (late thirties-he is a few years older). He is otherwise loving and affectionate. What do you men say? Why would you go off your own wife sexually? [more inside]
posted by millionpieces on Mar 18, 2015 - 37 answers

People who have been proposed to: Did you want downtime after?

After 4 years of happy dating, I'm taking the plunge and asking the lady friend to marry me. We've discussed it in the past, so it's not out of left field, but she doesn't know that I've got a ring in hand. Now, her birthday is in a few weeks and my plan was this: Scavenger Hunt fun that ends with a proposal and then after we've had our little bliss, the last surprise: Our friends and family gathered for a surprise birthday party/omg -lemme-see-the-ring party. I told a friend about the plan and she looked at me like I was crazy. She insisted that after her engagement she just wanted private time to chill and bask and that I was going to be putting my beloved in a weird place. So- If you've been proposed to, does that plan seem out of line? Did you want chill, private time after? Obviously, everyone is different, but I wanted to hear it from the Hivemind. Thoughts/concerns?
posted by anonymous on Mar 17, 2015 - 70 answers

Best practices for talking to a child about separation

I need help figuring out the best ways to explain separation/divorce to my extremely precocious 6 year old. I'm hoping that this process can be as compassionate as possible all around, but the idea that I'm "ruining her life" by considering ending our marriage is plaguing me. Books, anecdotes, what you told your kids, etc - anything would be helpful. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 16, 2015 - 19 answers

Husband's 'teen' porn

How common or uncommon is it for men who look at porn to look at 'teen' porn? I stumbled upon the tabs for my husband’s porn viewing session. All of the videos included "teen" as a keyword in the title. The people did not appear prepubescent. I am having a negative reaction to this. My questions, in order, for the site are: [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 10, 2015 - 48 answers

Is my marriage so unusual?

The other night I asked my husband if he is happy and, after about 30 minutes of thoughtful consideration, he said he feels the concept of a long happy marriage is overrated and that he "isn't not happy." He is satisfied. [more inside]
posted by AnOrigamiLife on Mar 8, 2015 - 33 answers

Support my wife with her new career, that hasn't paid yet.

Marriage / Employment filter: My wife is finally incredibly happy in her job (a new career), but it hasn't paid a check for 6 months. I want to be supportive, but all I see is her working her ass off and not getting paid. What do we need to talk about / to weigh at the 1 year mark when we assess her getting a job with a salary? (see within for a very long story) [more inside]
posted by lonemantis on Mar 4, 2015 - 35 answers

How do Indian Arranged Marriages work?

I will be visiting India soon to get an arranged marriage. I would like to know what to expect and how to handle the situation. [more inside]
posted by json12 on Mar 2, 2015 - 16 answers

Am I being unreasonable?

I need some help understanding if my husband's behavior is completely out of line or if my expectations are completely out of line. [more inside]
posted by all the dead are dead alike on Feb 26, 2015 - 70 answers

How to support myself while supporting my transitioning spouse?

Looking for emotional guidance while my spouse goes through gender reassignment. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 18, 2015 - 10 answers

I think I've fallen out of love with my husband. What now?

More detail below the cut, but mostly I'm seeking some experience and wisdom from the hivemind on the more existential aspects of this realization, and maybe a reality check if needed. Thanks. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2015 - 24 answers

How do we tell his family that we are having a secular wedding?

My fiance and I are both atheists with strong antitheist views. We're getting married in November and want something that represents us. His family, however, is extremely religious (Baptist) and will have certain expectations of us; they don't easily take no for an answer. What is the best way to balance the two worlds? [more inside]
posted by DriftingLotus on Feb 8, 2015 - 30 answers

Sleep is my religion, but it's not his.

My husband snores loudly (85db peaks). I'm a light sleeper, and have general anxiety and PTSD issues that are exacerbated by lack of sleep. I can't sacrifice my mental health to the snoring! I'm perfectly happy sleeping in another room, and this was part of the deal when we got married. Now he's really upset about it. I don't need solutions for the snoring, just for the anger and upset it's causing in our home. [more inside]
posted by Bottlecap on Feb 6, 2015 - 57 answers

How do I tell them it's OK to be white?

One of my nieces, currently studying in Europe, recently came home (somewhere in Subsaharan Africa) with her white European boyfriend to introduce him to the family and her parents are dead set against the idea of her marrying the guy. [more inside]
posted by Kwadeng on Feb 2, 2015 - 15 answers

Therapist in Durham, NC

Can you recommend a female marriage counselor in Durham, NC? Or, failing that, any good female therapist who can help me make sense of my marriage?
posted by anonymous on Feb 2, 2015 - 4 answers

Weddingfilter: Non–Legal ceremony home in UK, Legal ceremony Pacific NW

My fiancee and I have spent much of our adult lives travelling and have a fondness for our time spent in the United States. As such we would love to be married there. We are planning to hold a humanist ceremony / blessing / non–legal ceremony in the UK and rather than the usual Registry Office ceremony to take care of the legal things, we were hoping to Honeymoon in the Pacific Northwest and get legally married while there. I am trying to work out a few things … [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 1, 2015 - 3 answers

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