Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with male

How can a guy dress more sexy?

oxit — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:19:46 -0800

How can a guy dress more sexy? Being a guy I have a good understanding how women can dress more sexy, but for myself I have little clue. How do I dress more sexy for the opposite gender?

I have a decent wardrobe of things that I bought specifically for their looks and I do actively combine them so that they fit together and I supposedly look good. Still I wouldn't say it or I ever look sexy or hot.

If this is a stupid question, because (1) I already do look sexy, or (2) I have to behave sexy instead or (3) ... feel free to let me know, also.

[Background: Central Europe, 30-ish, average sporty, fashionable, and outgoing, healthy BMI]

How to not be a 5 hump chump?

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:22:57 -0800

Questions about male sexual stamina and use of viagra. NSFW more than likely. I am a mid 30s male who still lasts about as long as a teenager in bed. I'm really hoping to change this, but not sure how to go much longer.

I have had a friend recommend that I visit my doctor and look into getting Viagra, but I have no problems getting or maintaining an erection, just problems finishing too soon. Would viagra help this?

I know when I'm starting to get close but once I get close there seems like nothing I can do to back away from it...any suggestions would be appreciated.

"How to get an orgasm to work in my pants?"

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 07:56:28 -0800

I'm a mid-20s male, I'm having orgasm problems and I desperately need to do something about it. Any advice would be gratefully received! Thanks for clicking through!

I have a long-standing problem of finding it extremely difficult to orgasm during any sort of sexual play. I've recently (and improbably!) started dating The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, and I'm terrified that it'll ruin our relationship.

I'm a mid-20s male, very skinny but not unhealthily so, with plenty of energy, who eats well and takes absolutely no medication. I'm certainly sensitive down there. I have purposefully been avoiding masturbation for several weeks. At this point I'm confused, and think there might been some psychological issues, and would really appreciate some advice.

What's that? You want way too much background info? Sure thing!:
I was in a 6 year long relationship that was the first time for anything sexual for both my ex-girlfriend and me. We had both masturbated frequently and then found that it took an immense amount of effort for either of us to reach orgasm when together. It was, however, possible, especially if we involved sex toys for her and were willing to be very patient for me. Due to this, our sex life was infrequent, though we remained very comfortable with each other's bodies. She then went through a period of change in her personal life and became unwilling to have sex for a period of about 2 years. During this I waited patiently, fulfilling myself through masturbation. Even past this point, sex was incredibly infrequent and often unsatisfying. I found myself finding her unattractive and considering ending the relationship. I still tried to initiate sex, but was usually rebuffed, though she usually showered me with apologies and confusion at lack of libido. During the last three years of the relationship, I frequently tried to seek couples therapy, but she wouldn't acquiesce. Finally, she ended up cheating on me with a random stranger that she met at a bar, citing that "she was frustrated at our lack of a sex life." The mind boggles. That was the end of our relationship.

Several months later, I have started dating the aforementioned Most Beautiful Girl In The World (seriously, she's loveliness personified, in every aspect) and am overcome with glee. I anticipated that I might have orgasm problems, and intentionally have gone completely cold turkey on masturbation for several weeks. Our sex life is, so far, fantastic. She's (bizarrely) very attracted to me, I'm obviously attracted to her, we both have well-matched libidos, I push her buttons with joyful, joyful ease and... I still can't reach an orgasm.

We've tried penetrative sex in a variety of positions, she has given me some absolutely mind-blowing oral sex, and there's still nothing. I remain hard, and even feel like I'm approaching orgasm. When I'm on the cusp (which takes a while itself), instead of going over the edge and ejaculating, I find myself almost pushing through it, after which the feeling dies down somewhat. There's no loss of erection, and I'm able to comfortably continue having sex.

It's obviously extremely beneficial to her, but she has expressed anxiety at not being able to please me. That's not true, as it's been feeling amazing, and I have told her the above, though not the gory details of my previous relationship. She's been very supportive and loving, but I fear that at this early stage in our relationship, it could ruin our chances of staying together.

I did once have trouble achieve an erection, but I was rather drunk, and it did come, though slowly. I presume I'm still able to achieve orgasm through masturbation, though I'm unwilling to try for fear of numbing myself in any way.

Unfortunately, I'm living hand-to-mouth at the moment, so I have no possibility of seeing a therapist. I do, however, wonder if the problem is psychological in nature, or if there are lesser known physical roots. I should note that I'm in London, in the UK, just in case that's of any help.

I set up a throwaway email account: athrowawayaccountformefi@gmail.com

Thank you for reading this!

Fictional M to fictional F?

sively — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 07:27:32 -0800

Looking for fictional female characters originally written as men. I'm interested in fictional women in literature, cinema, comic books, TV etc., whose characters were originally meant to be men, but at some point during the creative process / production became female characters in stead. (Be it due to casting decisions, publisher's feedback, other external influence, writer's sudden eureka moments... Any reason at all.)

The only two examples coming to my mind are:
- Judi Dench as M
- Sigourney Weaver as Ripley (although according to Wikipedia, all the characters in Alien were originally written "unisex", and the producers decided to cast a woman)

Although "MTF" is my main interest, I'm also curious to hear about male characters originally intended to be women - if that ever happens - or other gender-bending changes during any stage of the process, for that matter. (Just to be sure: I don't mean stories such as Orlando, where gender change itself is part of the story line.)

Also, any suggestions for further reading, background or general articles related to this topic would be much appreciated.

"Soft in some places, lumpy in others. It's ghoulish. You are a ghoul."

The Whelk — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:24:51 -0800

My Disgusting Body And You: For reasons I can't divulge, I will be appearing nude in public come November. What can I do in a month so I look my naked best? I don't have a gym and really can't afford one, and my time is going to be pretty tight for the first two weeks in October... 1- I'm a 25 year old 220 pound dude shaped like Judah Friedlander.

2- I kinda went to hell this summer for work and other reasons. I'm pale, my upper body strength is shot completely and my clothes are starting to rebel. My motivation to move around has been nil, hence doing the nude thing to force myself to do something.

3- I already eat pretty well, not a whole lot of processed food and lots of veggies. More than willing to cut out the big things like beer and bread and fried foods. My problem is that I'm never hungry. Ever. I eat maybe one meal a day. Everyone says you have to eat little meals to up your metabolism but I just can't force myself to eat that much.

4- As I said before, no gym, but a big empty floor and 2 ten pound weights. Also, cause of the money situation, I can't do classes or anything that costs money.

5- Anything else I should be doing Right Now to ensure I look Super Great Naked in a month? Start scrubbing off the foot calluses or full body moisturizing or what?

Can I use a depilatory cream on my male genitals?

Anonymous — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 11:40:26 -0800

Can I use a depilatory cream on my male genitals? or Non-sharp ball hair removal suggestions. My scrotum is very wrinkly and loose, and it grows long, straggly hairs that I'd like to remove. Similar stragglers also grow around the base of my penis and up a few inches. I use a trimmer to keep the above-the-genitals patch tidy, but even with the plastic guard on it's too sharp and poky to be effective any further down. I can't use scissors or a razor either, again due to the looseness of the skin in the region (and because I have shaky hands).

Will Nair leave me screaming and scarred forever? I imagine waxing would for sure. Searching online I can only find totally unhelpful fake 'answers page' ads for 'bodygroomer' electric razors and the like. Are there any other options for hair removal from delicate man parts?

Can a Male have Multiple Orgasms?

Anonymous — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:55:48 -0800

Possibly NSFW question about male masturbation. I'm curious about what I'm doing and if anyone knows the name for it so I can try to read up about it online. When I am masturbating I reach a point where I realize that I'm going to come. At this point if I stop touching my penis, I will ejaculate a seemingly normal amount of semen and have what feels like a light orgasm. At this point, I can immediately begin masturbating again, and come again in anywhere from 5 seconds to a minute. This second ejaculation is much smaller, but still something is produced, and the orgasm feeling itself is usually stronger.

Since I realized I could do this last year, I have been working on improving this skill so that I can have 2 or 3 of these "light" orgasms where I come after no longer touching my penis before I do the final one where I continue stroking all the way through. This final orgasm where I am continuing to touch myself puts me into the refractory period where I am unable to get hard again in a way that ejaculations where I am not touching myself do not.

Are these multiple orgasms, or is there some other name for it? Does anyone else do this? Can anyone think of any reason why I should not be doing this? I don't want to be doing something strange that might mess up my penis or my ability to have "normal" sex with other people. I have been having regular sex with other people during the year since I've discovered this without any change that I can detect.

I've read about a fair amount of sex online and haven't seen this discussed, so it's made me quite curious and I'm looking for any other information about what I'm doing. I can also be reached at male.multiple.orgasms@gmail.com

I need some poker buddies

Anonymous — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:17:41 -0800

Where to meet and make friends with real men? First off, I'm not gay. I'm looking for guys to hang out with and become friends with.

After many years of struggling to become more palatable to my current friends, I feel like I've had to change who I am to fit in. I enjoy dirty jokes, rap, and comedians like Adam Carolla. Most of my friends seem to be more concerned with how they are perceived by society and what folks think about them to really let their hair down and have a good time.

I live in a mid-sized metro area in the Midwest, have finished grad school, and am 30 years old. I'd like to meet folks who are OK with the occasional off-color joke, like sports, like to play poker, enjoy the occasional cigar, and aren't whipped.

Are there any places besides bars where such guys hang out?

Does anyone know about issues of being a man in a majority-woman workplace/industry?

SouthCNorthNY — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:36:17 -0800

Does anyone know about issues of being a man in a majority-woman workplace/industry? I am a young straight (not sure if that makes a difference or not) male considering going into a profession that is currently majority female and will become even more so in the future. Currently, the top brass at these places are old white men, but it will become women mostly in the next 5-20 years. I always knew this, but recently I have begun thinking about the ramifications of it. I'm sure that it won't be any sort of struggle, but I'm not sure if I am at an advantage (don't have to take off as much career time for kids, people might think I am very dedicated to the field because I entered as a minority in it) or disadvantage (I don't have as much to talk about with co-workers, might be excluded from social gatherings, etc.) because of it.
Does anyone know of any books/websites about this? Work in an environment like this? I'd like to think it won't be a big deal, but I'd like to be aware of some of the realities of the situation (political, social, sexual, etc.)
There are many books/website advice out there for women on how to break the glass ceiling, but I can't seem to find any books/web on any problems men might have in a woman-controlled workplace culture.
I'll readily give more details if necessary.

The universal mateship code

vizsla — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:49:28 -0800

Anyone who has been to Australia or talked to any Australian males (sometimes females) will know they frequently call people they have never met before or even people they're angry with: "mate". What other expressions of universal male bonding are used in other countries?

Late 20's, sudden drop in libido

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 08:32:28 -0800

I'm a healthy 27 year old guy, but my libido has plummeted just in the past 7 months. No other relevant changes that could explain why, and I feel totally fine otherwise. Any explanations? And how do I fix this? The timeline corresponded roughly with my breaking up with my girlfriend and also moving to a new city to begin law school. I might attribute the drop in sex drive to stress from my first year of law school, but I'm actually having a great time. I'm working hard, but I feel no more stressed or anxious than usual (I'm generally a pretty relaxed person). Other than this one change, everything else is totally normal. I'm in great shape, I've been able to work out and add some muscle, my moods and happiness are not noticeably different than they've ever been before, and I have no other complicating health factors that could explain things. No medications or drugs of any sort.

I still have a very strong desire to meet women, date them, etc. Hell, now more than ever, since I'm finally single. But my desire has morphed into an almost abstract, Platonic one, without any strong urge for the physical act of sex, at least when I'm there with a woman. My masturbation frequency has gone for 4-6 times a week down to once or twice a week at most, and it often seems like a bit of a chore. My last four sexual encounters during this time period have ended somewhat embarrassingly, as I've either been unable to achieve and sustain an erection when I needed to (strangely, it would often occur spontaneously after the initial flurry of activity had died down), or been unable to orgasm. Each time was preceded by pretty major alcohol intake, which is certainly a confounding and possibly aggravating factor. Although these women were all very beautiful, I didn't know any of them very well, or have any strong connection to them. I felt somewhat detached and removed during each encounter, mostly marveling at my lack of responsiveness and visceral enthusiasm while tangled up with a young, pretty girl. It makes me wonder if my sex drive has just become more psychological and less physical in nature, since I never had this problem with my last steady girlfriend.

Anyway, psychological probing aside, I'd mostly just like to fix this so that the next time I'm with a new girl, I'll be able to perform as usual. I've already decided that I need to 1). not masturbate at least a few days before going on a date, and 2). not drink as much alcohol. Any other suggestions? Any diagnoses? Is this just what happens as you age -- your desire for just any pretty female body becomes less overwhelming, in favor of a more mental sort of attraction to people you've "bonded" with already?

If you're a heterosexual woman who cares about such things, at around what age do men stop looking at you?

Sully — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:01:16 -0800

If you're a heterosexual woman who cares about such things, at around what age do men stop looking at you? I don't mean a husband, or a boyfriend - I mean men on the street. Does it happen suddenly, or over weeks, months? How long did it take for you to notice this, and was it liberating, disheartening? Both? How does it change things? Does it change anything? Does it even matter? I am curious.

What sex is my kitchen tap?

domeheid — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 15:05:16 -0800

What sex is my kitchen tap? I want to buy an aerator for my kitchen tap to improve the flow of water and make it soft like all those lovely taps in Zurich, Switzerland (it also reduces water consumption by up to 60%), but I don't know which kind to buy: male or female. This website says:

"For taps with a thread on the outside you need a Female Aerator. For taps with the thread on the inside you need a Male aerator."

Here is a picture of my kitchen tap. Does this mean my tap is female? I wouldn't call that a thread and I don't think I could unscrew it.

Male on Female on Female on Male.

forwebsites — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 07:52:54 -0800

Is it possible to pair two ports of my 4-port USB hub, to form a USB female-female gender changer? Can I then connect typeA male end of USB cable modem to this and put a USB-LAN adapter to the other end of this pair, effectively getting a male USB modem to female LAN converter? This through a LAN cable is then supposed to go as i/p to my WRT54GL router. Short version:
typeA USB male o/p from ADSL modem to ----> {female port on USB hub -- paired with another female port on same hub} ----> male USB2LAN adapter --> giving out female LAN connection.

Possible? Forget it?

The details:
- My (bastard*) ISP provides a ADSL USB modem, with typeA male connector.

- I'd like to convert USB o/p from this modem to a ethernet LAN type (so that I can connect it to my wrt54gl router). So I bought a USB-LAN adapter.

But since this is also type A male, I reckon I will need a female-female gender changer(FFGC)

My first question: this kind of setup should work, right?

If so, my second question:
I've tried finding this FFGC but I can't find it in local stores here. However I do have a usual 4-port USB hub (from local store, china make).

This hub has four typeA female connector. Is there a way to pair two of those ports(effectively making them a FFGC), so that I can plug in modem's USB on one end, and put my USB-LAN adapter on the other end. End result being as if I am getting a LAN connection out of my modem. I could then connect it using LAN cable to my router i/p. Is it possible? How?

based on my prevs question's responses, thank you everyone, I decided to go for ISP modem+WRT54GL setup
*-those bastards they told me they give LAN modems and then when I was not home, the bastard technician plugged in a USB modem and now they won't exchange because idiots don't supply LAN wired modems, and won't refund because well "goods once purchased will not be taken back" - it's there on the back of their fucking receipt, even if they lied to me several times on phone and in person, and their official brochures prints outright lies. The ISP is Etisalat (Dubai) btw where level of customer abuse is based on your nationality. Fucking Monopoly

Questions on dealing with long hair for guys.

spacesbetween — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 13:02:48 -0800

Do you use conditioner? Hair Dryer? How can I prevent my shower from clogging up with my hair? How do you prevent/stop your hair from being frizzy? I have a bit more than shoulder length hair and I'm wondering if I should be using conditioner and a hair dryer? I seem to be getting what appears to be dandruff on my hair but sometimes its in clumps. I'm thinking it may be that I may not be rinsing the shampoo off completely during my shower, though I'm not sure. I was wondering if anyone else has had this? I'm also thinking is because I don't dry my hair with anything, I just keep going about my day.

Also a question that I have about shedding, which I couldn't find an answer in this thread.

http://ask.metafilter.com/39988/A-Human-Shedding-Hair-Like-a-Cat

I seem to be clogging up my shower with my hair getting inside, is there something people do to prevent this sort of thing?

And lastly, how does one get their hair to stop being frizzy? I live in a very humid climate and my hair seems to just get more frizzy through the day. What can I do to stop this?

Is my dude-cat just needy, still in adjustment, or desperate for lady-action? (Please say the middle one.)

dorothy humbird — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 05:55:33 -0800

Newly adopted male cat yowling in the nighttime. Help me assess the situation, because my landlord has expressed concern about male cats continuing to exhibit male behavior even after alteration. Checked past threads on cat crying and yowling, and there were some helpful pointers, but I've got a specific end-question that wasn't addressed in the threads I turned up.

So here's the scoop on the dude-cat:

Approximately 5 years old.

Brought to the shelter as a stray, and UNALTERED.

Neutered shortly after his arrival at the shelter, about 1 month ago now.

Adopted simultaneously with a 1.5 year old female cat; roommate and I took them both home together, though she did the official paperwork for the lady-cat and I technically adopted this dude in question.

He's been in the apartment with my roommate and I (and the lady-cat) since Sunday afternoon (so, less than 48 hours at this point).

Disposition very friendly, attention-needy; he will greet and ask for head-skritches, and has curled up with me on my bed while I'm on the laptop, purring while I pet him and then falling asleep.

When I've been out of the apartment and my roommate has been here instead, she has reported him walking about the apartment, crying. She said he's been okay for a little while if she gets him to sit with her, but it seems she doesn't give him enough attention (she's allergic, but still cat-devoted) and he'll get restless and leave. Repeat.

The talkativeness was not a feature when we met him in the shelter; he seemed much more laid-back and mellow. When we got them both home from the shelter, we kept them in a back pantry room of our apartment for the first afternoon and overnight, and I didn't notice any yowling then, either. Monday morning (yesterday morning, ugh) was the first we let them explore the whole of the apartment.

On the cats interacting with each other:
In contrast to my dude-cat, the lady-cat is friskier yet more standoffish, and alternately tries to play with him or bats him out of her space for sniffing at her back end too much. When she tries to start these play-fights up with him he seems to not know how to respond, and just stands there while she prances and bats, and then she runs off. However, he follows her when she has come into my room for attention (unbidden by me), or if she has trailed after me into the kitchen. I haven't witnessed him trying to mount her at all, just sniffing when she's in range - face, flank, and especially insistent at sniffing her buttal area when she's distracted (eating, scratching at litter, etc.)

The Nighttime Yowling:
Tonight (last night), when I turned out the light, dude-cat hung out with me on the bed (where we had been for some time), in contact with my hand, for about 10-15 minutes, and then got up and departed my room. He has been yowling intermittently in maybe 2 minute stretches, every 10-20 minutes through the night, with exceptions for the few times I have coaxed him into the room and gotten him to chill with me. The situation does not seem to be helped by the lady-cat occasionally joining us on the bed, grooming herself, and then leaving -- dude-cat then follows her out, and begins walking the hallway yowling after a few minutes. I say "yowling," but the quality of this vocalization is not a drawn out wail. It is more like a series of questioning short cries that begins kind of muffled and builds up to a standard level -- it's loud but not CRAZY loud.

I am a seasoned cat person, in that I grew up with cats and have cared for them myself - but, mostly one at a time, and always dude-cats who were altered within their first year of life, having no chance to develop sexually active male cat habits. So, I am bad at IDing that type of behavior, and I am aware that it sometimes does persist in individual male cats.

My questions/concerns are: could his yowling be indicative of territoriality and/or sexual dissatisfaction, i.e. indicating that he is still aware of female cats, interested in them for their bits, and wants to BONE but can't... so has to whine about it? If so, how likely is it that his instinct/possible habit for spraying will manifest?

Regarding the landlord:
We live above him, in a duplex house, so there's a strong possibility he's already aware of the yowling. He was initially reluctant to okay bringing a male cat home; he's had a bad experience with a neutered male spraying after alteration in the past. He consented on the condition that we let him meet the cats and give his approval, which he did (landlord has owned a lot of cats, so this was an informed approval). My dude-cat even used the litterbox in front of him, like he was proving a point.
Also, dude-cat has been grooming himself faithfully since late Sunday (I think he took a little while to get comfortable), which is somewhat heartening -- I've read material that implies that pre-alteration male cats have a lot less interest in keeping themselves clean. Good sign?

To sum all of this up: I am concerned that the yowling and the lady-bits-interest indicate that he has latent male-sexuality habits just waiting to spring up as soon as he gets really settled in. I'm further concerned that, as a result of this, my landlord will ask me to return the cat to the shelter, and that breaks my heart.

We'll be scheduling a follow-up vet appointment soon, and I will certainly ask about this then, but in the meantime I could dearly use some peace of mind/a direction to head. I haven't gotten more than an hour's sleep tonight as a result of the crying, and all the worrying I've been doing (hooray for possible anxiety issues!) -- that the landlord will ask for the removal of the cat, or that we won't be able to resolve the yowling issue and I'll surrender him myself in exasperation. I AM willing to work on this (I'm already really fond of the little guy!), and will heed the suggestions in the threads I linked, but I would like to be reasonably sure of the underlying cause. Please, please, help a sister out here.

How can I darken my scalp where I've gone bald?

Anonymous — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 09:58:10 -0800

Is there any way to darken the scalp to give the appearance of hair stubble? So the long and short of it is, I started losing my hair many, many years ago when I turned 18. I went through most of the ever-shortening-haircut stages that most guys in my position do until I arrived at simply shaving it all off. This worked for many years too. Unfortunately you can definitely see the light-dark difference between where hair would still grow and where it wont ever again.

So my hope is to find some sort of scalp darkening or perhaps even mild makeup alternative to , at the very least, make the shiny hairless area as unnoticeable as possible in relation to the 5-oclock shadow that covers the rest of my head. Yes I realize how superficial this whole thing is, but I still want to see if it's possible. I would hope for a solution that can withstand some wear, is waterproof, etc.

So I dunno, citizens of Metafilter. Anyone got any suggestions for me?
Henna? Shoe Polish? Sharpie?

How do I reconcile bisexuality with male friendships?

Anonymous — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 16:47:49 -0800

I’m struggling with how to deal with male friendships. I’m a guy. I’m also bisexual. Two and a half months ago, I went to college on the East Coast. For the first time in my life I joined a sports team out of my own accord, which made making buddies pretty simple. A few weeks in, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay on, but I did; I stayed the whole season and had a pretty good time.

I became really good friends with a guy on the team I’ll call Jonas, who’s my age and also goes to college here. To be honest I’ve never had a friend like Jonas, who’s athletic and good-looking and smart, which—I know—sounds superficial.

Recently we’ve been hanging out more, which is pretty tied to drinking. When we drink, certain things tend to happen. First, we talk about girls, a topic which we seem to bond over a lot. Mostly we talk about which girls we want to sleep with. Usually there are girls present and Jonas and I tell each other who the other should go for. We trade stories, too. (I’ve hooked up with my share, but otherwise I’m not very experienced.)

Second, we get closer, often draping our arms across each other’s shoulders while sitting on a couch. Sometimes I’ll scratch his head a little bit and he doesn’t seem to mind that much. A few days ago he took my head into his lap—we were both sitting on a couch at a party—and scratched my head there, too, in front of everyone.

There’s usually something else going on. There are girls talking to us, or literally sitting on our laps. But in truth, I’ve found myself wanting to drink because this is the only way I can get close to Jonas. I think I’m falling for him, but I don’t want to be falling for him. For what it’s worth, I know he thinks I’m straight—completely straight—and if he were to ever know, I’m pretty certain I would lose him.

That’s my problem. I have little idea how to manage my attraction with a guy who I’m also friends with, who I’m also really physically affectionate with, who I am so very afraid of losing.

I'm lost. What do I do?

Like mother, like son?

Bardolph — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 11:04:38 -0800

Plenty of little boys want to grow up to be just like Dad. But to what extent (and how) are boys' interests/activities/identities influenced by their mothers? My firsthand experience with boy-parenting is nil, but it's always seemed to me that the moms of boys get a raw deal. Most of the men I know admire their fathers and share interests/hobbies with them and try to live up to their example; by contrast, they may love their moms, a lot, but there's also a sense of other-ness that prevents any real identification or comradeship (as distinct from simple affection/comfort/nurture).

In fact, articles like this one seem to suggest that boys of a certain age will actually turn up their noses at activities (however exciting) that are initiated by women, while they clamor for inclusion in any project, however dull, that has a big strong Guy at the helm. It doesn't seem to go both ways: growing up as a girl, I definitely wanted to be like my dad in many ways, and absorbed many of his interests and values. But I haven't heard from any boys who want to emulate their mothers.

I'm wondering whether this is just a biological thing, or whether it's possible to shape a different mother-son dynamic. (The issue isn't entirely academic for me, because I have a ~51% chance of becoming a mother to a boy in a few months' time. My husband will be a great role model, but there are also parts of myself that I'd like to share with kids of either gender-- an interest in building/fixing stuff, for instance, and in exploring the outdoors-- and it would be sad to think that a son might spurn these things as girly or uninteresting just because they're associated with Mom. I know any son I might have will, first and foremost, be himself; but I'd like to think he'd turn out at least a little like me, as well.)

I know the mother/son relationship has been discussed before, but just now I'm looking for comments on the female role model issue specifically. Can anyone share personal anecdotes/reading suggestions/recent studies that might help me understand how sons learn from and are shaped by their mothers?

Is it possible to gain a man's attraction once it's lost?

freshsprout — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 21:43:12 -0800

Is it possible to gain a man's attraction again once it's lost? Or is it done / irreversible? This recently happened to me - where my ex broke up with me after only 1 month stating that he didn't "feel" it for me anymore. I realize I posted about this earlier (that was more about the situation) - but I want to now *understand from men*... if the attraction is lost, is it really over? There is no way to reverse the attraction?

I've read in books that it goes both ways - the attraction will never come back and men move on. But then sometimes the guy will come back begging to try it again. Can you guys explain this to me? And can you explain the logic of what a women should do if a guy doesn't feel it anymore?

Thanks.

Cold weather and male “shrinkage”

quantum eclecticist — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:35:30 -0800

Is there any way to reduce male “shrinkage” in cold weather? (possibly NSFW) As soon as the weather dips below 15 degrees Celsius, this happens to me. It lasts all fall/winter long and I’m beginning to suspect it’s partly to blame for my cranky, wintertime moods.

The reasoning: I think that when my balls are drawn right up against my body, and my penis shrinks to a third of its usual size - my brain mistakes this as being caused by some sort of external, stressful situation - thus I’m more irritated, high-strung, and annoyed than I would be in a warmer season where everything down there is hanging much better.

I think my body temperature does tend to be low, and I can’t tolerate the cold as well as most people. My toes, fingers and nose sometimes get cold as well when I get this “shrinkage” factor. I’m in my mid-30s, I eat well, exercise and am average weight for my height - though I did smoke for about 4 years in my early 20s. I mostly wear briefs and jeans/khakis during the winter. I’ve tried doubling up on the briefs, but that just looked weird.

I’m wondering what I could do (short of moving to the Caribbean) that would make me feel a bit more comfortable during the winter. Any suggestions (however weird) appreciated!

Depression and Sexual Health

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:23:53 -0800

Question about men's sexual health and medications for depression I am a 28 year old male with a professional job. I am very physically fit. I run 15 miles a week, plus sports, plus regular weight lifting. I have sex with my girlfriend one, two or three times a day on average. I also suffer from depression. The depression is not so bad that I want to stay in bed all day or harm myself, but it completely fucks with my head, my emotions, my motivation, my outlook on life, and generally how I value my life.

So I have gone to the general medicine doc and gotten meds for it. I was first given Zoloft. I felt absolutely great! I felt bolts of euphoric optimism running through my blood. But I lost 90% of my sex drive and had difficulty having an orgasm. I only made it 3 months on Zoloft.

So next I tried Wellbutrin. It probably worked 55% on the mental health side with no negative side effects. This was a functional solution for about 9 months or so. The stuff quit working. I go back to the doc. He gives me Cymbalta. This basically has all the same features for me as Zoloft. It works great on the mental stuff but destroys my sex life.

At this point in my life I value my sexual health more than my mental health. Or so I feel that way when I am on the pills. Then it gets so bad and I have to take them again.

Ok, so I guess my questions are:

Are there any other meds that any of you can recommend that my be helpful? I ask specifically because I always feel like I am making the suggestions or driving the discussion with the doc. Yes I have switched docs already.

If I get these side effects from one SSRI does this mean that I am likely to get these effects from all of them? (I.e is something like Prozac potentially helpful)

Is there any permanent risk to my sexual health from having to take these drugs periodically?

In looking back at my questions, I guess I can see that these are more of questions that should be directed towards a medical professional, but I guess I am just looking for any suggestions to help prepare for the conversation at the doc's office again. I would just like to find a way to be content and sexually healthy.

Thanks for any insights you can offer.

meta1999@hotmail.com

Are nipple piercings attractive on straight men?

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 14:20:55 -0800

Are nipple piercings attractive on straight men? (I have no qualms with LGBT persons with nipple piercings, but that doesn't happen to apply to me.) I'm a 30-ish year-old guy and I already have my tongue pierced and I've been thinking about getting my nipples pierced as well. Before doing so, though, I thought I'd get a sanity check here.

Of course, I realize that opinions will vary, so I'll probably just try to gauge the overall vibe on this (unless, of course, it ends up veering heavily in one direction or the other). And if you're in the in-favor-of camp, I'd also be interested if you have any preference around whether a guy has one or both nipples pierced.

mystery acoustic song id

null terminated — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:59:59 -0800

Acoustic male song id question I heard a song on the radio Sunday in New Jersey around 8:30pm that I'd like to identify. It was acoustic and male and the only words I can remember go something (though probably not exactly) like "my (girl | lady), she's not a fair-weather fan". I've searched all variations of that but nothing seemed to match. I hadn't heard the song before but have no idea if it's recent or not. The general theme of the song seemed to have been being rich or successful and having lots of friends, then losing that but having his lady stick by him (I'm not positive of this either, because I only caught the end of the song). Thanks a lot!

Fashion accesory expertise needed

subajestad — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:03:28 -0800

In the movie Mongol, Jamhuka sports a nifty silver (I imagine) "earring". Help me find one so I too can look cool. It's not so much an earring as an adornment that hooks over the earlobe. I would appreciate anyone telling me what the appropriate name for such an adornment would be (to search more efficiently), or where one might be found. Thanks all.