Because I am prone to bouts of idealization and sometimes don't have my feet rooted in reality, I want to hear from those who are happily married or in a committed relationship with someone with whom they plan to build a life with. I have *not one* real life example of a healthy functioning adult relationship, and although I have periods of loneliness, I can't imagine living like any of the people around me do. Are all relationships just people fitting into each others dysfunctions? Are there real ones out there that work, or is that the fantasy ideal that we all chase after and never achieve? [more inside]
We've been together almost 2 years and at first I thought he was almost a perfect match for me. We got along, he made me so happy, he's so sweet, makes me laugh, and considerate. I know that every relationships get into the comfortable phase but lately I feel like he has taken me for granted and has gotten way too comfortable to the point I'm starting to lose interest in our relationship. I no longer look forward to seeing him and want to be alone, say I love you, kiss, or anything. [more inside]
when to hang on, and when to bail, when there is a lot of love, but also coldness [more inside]
Have you ever had a relationship, that maybe not DTMFA worthy, started out pretty rocky but eventually turned in to something good and healthy? Details are appreciated. [more inside]
I have a friend who insists on a certain way of understanding how men and women couple off. Basically, he sees the situation as rather animalistic, where all the women are essentially waiting to be asked out, and the first men to do so get the "choicest" women. The rest of the women are left for, well, the rest of the men. Obviously, this is pretty traditional/sexist/chauvinistic. Anyway, barring all that, he feels a constant urgency to get to women "before somebody else does," because "the best women will be taken." Of course, I understand asking someone out before someone else does, but his theory is off-putting to me. It seems like human personalities, reasoning, circumstances, geographies, and cultures throw a monkey-wrench into his theory. Things are a lot more complicated in my mind. Do you have an alternative way of seeing the dating world, have a different experience, or are there any studies that you could point me to on this subject?
I am done with letting limerence rule my life. Tell me your stories of conquering limerence. How did you cope? Is it even really possible to say "no more limerence" if you're prone to it? [more inside]
My partner just ended our relationship, what strategies can I use to get through the night and next few days? [more inside]
My partner's mother is on death's door and I'm struggling to find the words to be supportive as I should without being vapid and trite. He's making difficult decisions about life support against his mother's wishes, etc. An illness of my own has me bedridden and unable to be at his side. Any advice on what to say/what not to say to comfort/console/support him given the circumstances would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
My boyfriend of four months just told me he loves me. I don't love him, and I don't think I will in the future, but I do LIKE him. Now what?! [more inside]
How much thinking about your ex is too much, and how do you control it? [more inside]
What's a good song that embodies the feeling of... "you found the person with whom you want to spend a lifetime together... but you're kept from being together (not because there are other people, but other reasons)... and every day it hurts to dream about, in a sweet way." kind of like a song that would describe Jim and Pam's tentative pre-lationship in The Office season 1 on... thanks!
It's been 2 months. You have a great first date with a guy from internet. Chemistry! Romance! Sexual Attraction! Best first date ever. But the female has undesirable qualities. After a few more dates the female confronts the male about his intentions. He then calls her back in a passionate telephone call and says he's willing to have a go. Sadly, he seems to not really be that into her. He then again a few weeks later reiterates his fondness for the female, despite hang ups and she's now rethinking her position. [more inside]
Straight guy here, mid-30s. I'm a relationship virgin apart from two or three very brief and superficial ones, and would be an actual virgin if not for a handful of sexual encounters, almost all of them very unsatisfying. I've always fantasized about love and sex but whenever things get real my heart and body seem to lose all interest. What's wrong with me and are there other people out there in the same boat? [more inside]
I am making a "peace and love" playlist filled with songs that urge social consciousness and positive action. So far I have songs like "Man in the Mirror," "He Aint Heavy (He's My Brother)," "Get Together," "Imagine," etc. What are some good songs in that vein? [more inside]
I've been looking at environments, especially my home, and seeing how they impact me in terms of imagery. I'm specifically looking for images I could place in my home that are evocative of successful relationship. [more inside]
My best friend and I keep having drama in our friendship because of feelings. I had feelings for him, but he says he just wanted to stay friends. I told him I needed space to get rid of my feelings so we can stay friends. But he won't let me. He keeps bringing me back into his life. Even when he said he was starting a relationship with someone else. What do I do? [more inside]
I’m considering ending my relationship. Should I give him another chance to make changes? of course it's long [more inside]
Can the hive mind confirm that men need a dark side to seduce women ? I’m a nice guy and I’ve not been lucky in love. Have I not been lucky in love because I’m a nice guy ? [more inside]
can't forget my early love [more inside]
Should I pursue a casual FWB relationship with this narcissistic but very intellectually interesting and sexy jerk?
Should I pursue a casual FWB relationship with this narcissistic but very intellectually interesting and sexy jerk? [more inside]
How to get over a relationship that just couldn't be? [more inside]
How long is too long to still be upset about a break up? It's been 3 weeks for me as of today and while I'm approving a little bit, something is holding me back... [more inside]
What are the greatest (yet most original) love affairs of all time? [more inside]
Help me figure out why I'm so unlucky with romance [more inside]
how can i learn to love myself and be more self-confident in my relationship? [more inside]
My partner and I, two girls, have this slight thing bothering us when we talk about our future engagement. We both want to be proposed to. Is there a way we can make this happen?
How can I help my adopted cousin learn to love her skin? Have you been part of a transracial family? What did you find helpful or comforting? [more inside]
How much should we be talking about our feelings for each other? I love him, and I think he loves me... [more inside]
Why did you break up? More specifically, you thought you found someone you're compatible with, you guys mutually made a commitment, but yet you ended up breaking up a year or two later, or later in life. What was the reason for the breakup? [more inside]
Should I move out from my boyfriend's apartment, or give the live-in relationship another chance - or break up? [more inside]
I've recently been through some major life changes and find myself feeling strong romantic feelings for an old friend, former co-worker. I fear acting on my feelings because I don't want to jeopardize our platonic friendship which, at my age (65) is precious. I worry that even talking about my change in feelings for this woman might ruin our friendship. I'm not certain that she has reciprocal feelings for me, although I think she might. We are very compatible in most regards, intellectually, shared interests and activities, etc. And the friendship just as it is is rare and cherished. Should I 'confess' and risk what we have, or accept it for what it is and look elsewhere for the intimacy I seek? As might be obvioius, I have limited experience in physical (sexual) and emotionally-close relationships.
On herpes and forgiveness. Nine months into our relationship, my boyfriend told me that he has HSV-2. That was almost a year ago. It still bothers me. What now? [more inside]
What are the healthy and fulfilling expectations of what a relationship should be and do for you? [more inside]
How do you get over the one that got away, and deal with the regret? [more inside]
I have an ex who seems to be be depressed and has sent me a few emails telling me that we are all programmed by the "Source" that free will does not exist, that nothing depends on us etc and that the "Source" has decided that he would always be unhappy in love ! And that if the "Source" has decided that he would be unhappy, unaccomplished, alone then he must be happy with that decision. (He's 55, pianist/composer, not well known, gets by with the financial help of his parents., never been able to commit or live with a woman. His father is bi-polar, been hospitalised a few times for that). This is contrary to my world view, which I told him but I'm rather worried about where his mind is going. Any thoughts, help much appreciated
When does "I love you" mean something? And is there a way to say "OMGZ I'M HAVING SUPERSTRONG LIMERENT FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU" without sounding quite that weird? [more inside]
Rave Filter: am I going in with the right expectations? [more inside]
Can you really be addicted to a certain kind of sadness? Ugh...I hate that song. My boyfriend has serious intimacy issues but is trying to work on them. I feel intermittently insecure/frustrated/sad/angry and I don't know how much longer I can take it... [more inside]
please help me gain back his trust and love - i feel like i'm dying [more inside]
[heartbreak/confused sexuality filter] Recently admitted my romantic feelings toward a close friend, but have no idea how to pick up the pieces of my actions and move forward. Somewhat messy details within. [more inside]
I really need help in dealing with a situation of unrequited love with a best friend, to becoming complete strangers, and then back to best friends again. [more inside]
Best way to respond to an unrequited "I love you"? [more inside]
My partner is planning to propose in a matter of a few months. I want have something that I can surprise HIM with when he proposes to me! Is it acceptable for a woman to give a reciprocal proposal gift to the man? And if it is acceptable, would a barbecue be a little too bizarre? [more inside]
General relationship pattern question about the end of limerance as well as some specifics, with some concerns about monogamy/nonmonogamy. Somewhat long. [more inside]
Is this part of my quarter-life crisis? (a blizzard inside) [more inside]
I'm happily married, but it's ridiculous how much I want a good first kiss. Help me get over it! [more inside]
Looking for a Japanese film I saw prior to 2003. It was a dystopian picture of some people trying to have an office romance in the corporate office landscape of Tokyo - lots of shots of bleak urban concrete and highways and faceless office parks full of conformist white collar employees - in the final scene of the film one of the characters is stranded walking along the edge of a highway. It dealt with a complicated love triangle. I know this isn't the title, but it was something like "Kiss me twice, now hold me I love you" or something a little crazy like that- I believe this film was made in the 90s or the early 2000s. It was in Japanese language with subtitles. There is a slight chance it may have been Korean, but I'm pretty sure it was Japanese. This film may have been discussed by Fredric Jameson in one of his essays as it was screened in a graduate school class on Japanese cultural critique.
Is it normal for your partner to slap you if you yell hurtful things at them? [more inside]
The break up I recently is making me confused and it has shattered my confidence. I would like to know what happened, how falling in love is meant to be in reality and how to get back my confidence. [more inside]
How can i save my relationship with my girlfriend? We have been seeing each other for exactly one year. We are grown, she in her 30s me in my 40s. she has a young child and my kid is in college. Since we started dating its been pretty fun and loving sometimes hard also. [more inside]