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How do I work out what to do next, without disrespecting my marriage.

Out of nowhere it seems, I’m considering asking my wife for a divorce and I can’t figure out if its because I met someone else I feel I’d really like to get to know or because I’ve realized that we just aren’t meant to be. Or am I just being a douche for even considering throwing away what I’m confident almost anyone would agree is a marriage to a great woman? Sorry for the long story… My wife is a great person – of course – why would you marry someone you didn’t think this about? The list is huge – she’s smart, funny, empathetic, gets me, is very beautiful and will one day I know make a really wonderful mother. I know most would say all of this about their spouse, but even with rational eyes, the above is true. She has bad points too for sure, but no need to list those off as well. We’ve only been married about 18 months, but together for some time before this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 17, 2014 - 58 answers

How do you untangle the threads of a beat-up heart?

I'm in the early stages of a relationship with a wonderful woman; it's our second go at this. I'm pretty sure this is love. But my anxiety and depression is holding me back, or making me doubt how I feel, or stopping me from actually expressing how I feel. And I don't know how to navigate this. I don't know whether to push through all these uncertainties or walk away. Help me work it out, mefites. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Feb 11, 2014 - 18 answers

Songs for your true love/arch-nemesis.

I'm looking for more love songs with a specific theme - essentially, "You drive me fucking crazy and sometimes I want to throttle you and we're both kind of fucked up AND ALSO I love you more than anything and need you more than air and think you're the best person ever." [more inside]
posted by DulcineaX on Feb 7, 2014 - 46 answers

Small Valentine's gestures, not too corny, delivered sneakily

Ideas needed for a low-key sneak attack expression of "I'm glad you're in my life and I adore you, even if this holiday is for the birds (according to you)"? I expect no reciprocation (really) other than verbal acknowledgment + kisses. This relationship is good--fabulous, really--but scheduling/logistics and his stubbornness against "Hallmark holidays" mean that Valentine's will likely pass unmentioned. And yet...I love any excuse to do something special with/for him, so I'd like to leave something sweet on his doorstep. [more inside]
posted by magdalemon on Feb 5, 2014 - 27 answers

What is love, anyway?

I am in love with a man who claims that he cannot feel love, that he does not know what it is and I want to figure out whether to stay with him in the casual/open/this-will-one-day-end romantic relationship we are in now, to cut that off entirely and just try to be friends, or to go all in and try to forge a long term bond and hope that he will one day feel love. [more inside]
posted by telomere on Jan 31, 2014 - 59 answers

I feel like I’m not good enough. How can I battle my depression

I’m a 25 year old female and have been going through a lot of depression over the past year, mostly in the areas of finance and romance. [more inside]
posted by summertimesadness1988 on Jan 25, 2014 - 19 answers

What's the line between having needs and being needy?

I recently married the love of my life after dating for a year. He's a good man, really kind, wonderful to my kids and sweet to me. I don't want to screw it up but I'm also getting tired of being on my best behavior. [more inside]
posted by Lizlemondrop on Jan 22, 2014 - 31 answers

Conscious Pop Music Hits of 2012-2014 for Play-List, Suggestions Needed

"Same Love" by Macklemore is the epitome of a conscious (social, environmental justice) pop music song that has been a hit over the past two years. I'm looking for others to create a playlist - pop music songs that have been hits with a socially environmentally conscious message, or at least are not misogynist or violent in any way - talk about love, relationships, etc in a respectful way. Can you make any suggestions? Thx!
posted by franklen on Jan 15, 2014 - 7 answers

You're in my blood like holy wine, you taste so bitter and so sweet

I can't seem to get over my ex and I'm worried that I never will. Is that possible? It feels like I'm grieving something heavier than the loss of a relationship. [more inside]
posted by caseofyou on Jan 5, 2014 - 30 answers

Girl of my dreams and I decided to not do long distance when shes abroad

Girl I've been dating for a few months, who is perfect for me, has left to go abroad for 10 months. We decided not to do long distance but to keep in close contact. I'm planning to visit her. I'm in this grey area where we are in an unlabeled, romantic friendship and care deeply about each other but due to distance and uncertainty of the future, we can't commit. I'm just scared we are going to lose our amazing connection and fall apart, so I need some perspective on how to keep close and be as intimate as possible in the face of this distance, and the freedom to date other people. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 3, 2014 - 15 answers

How to pronounce "I love you" in Sinhala (Sri Lankan)?

I know it's spelled "mama oyāṭa ādareyi" and I can sort of read it phonetically, but I really want to know exactly. Can anyone direct me to an audio or video, or at least explain the inflections to me? =)
posted by Ellabelle797 on Jan 2, 2014 - 4 answers

Can children detect on some level when love is not genuine?

Can children detect on some level when love is not genuine? An example would be when a parent is affectionate to spite their own parents as if to say "This is what you were supposed to do with me," rather than doing so out of a genuine feeling towards the child. Acting the part without the emotion and connection to back it. Can this be perceived by the child and perhaps effect their emotional development? If so, to what degree could this hinder them in the long term?
posted by mrflibble on Jan 1, 2014 - 22 answers

Songs for when the boyfriend is away. "Home is wherever I'm with you..."

My boyfriend is away and I'm making a playlist of poppy songs about love that are either cheery (& uptempo) or lovely/sweet (& understated) without being "too much" of a good thing. Currently have two songs: I wouldn't dance and Home. Nothing over-the-top (no Whitney Houston or other full-lung songstresses, nothing overproduced). Any decade is fine by me. Unfortunately, I don't have much happy music and I've run out of songs already (and one of my two songs is already leaning heavily towards sad/wistful!). Any help?
posted by flibbertigibbet on Dec 27, 2013 - 38 answers

Can We Be Friends?

I had a sort-of breakup recently, and I'm wondering whether I should move forward as friends or never speak to this guy again. [more inside]
posted by cscott on Dec 23, 2013 - 24 answers

How To Talk About Sex

Occasionally, I bring up the subject of sex with my partner, and I always get nowhere. Sex has never been something that we've really talked about. We had those first few conversations when we met several years ago: disclosures of risks, general preferences, expectations for monogamy, etc. and from there we just let it develop naturally. We need to talk about it because our sex life isn't meeting my needs, and I've asked to talk about it, but I still don't know how to talk about it, and I'm afraid this is just going to become another in a string of failed attempts to talk about sex. [more inside]
posted by this *is* my happy face on Dec 19, 2013 - 28 answers

SSRIs and the end of romantic love

Four months after my husband went on Lexapro, I could see it in his face that he didn't love me anymore. At seven months, he asked to separate after four years of marriage. After finding this article online, I'm curious as to whether others have had similar experiences. Have you or your spouse experienced a decline in attachment/romantic love after starting an SSRI? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 71 answers

Brain and body not both in love, makes me feel bad

I have been dating a woman for just under six months that I met unexpectedly when visiting another city. She is almost perfect: smart,funny, sassy, intellectually stimulating, kind, attentive, independently minded, socially aware, positive, sociable, generous, emotionally strong and sensitive, likes and wants to have children, easy going and has great friends. She dresses well and is pretty, has a lovely smile and is healthful. We enjoy straightforward communication and are open and honest with each other. I am not very physically attracted to her. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2013 - 25 answers

Oh the fun you'll have!

Magical video of festive people speaking lines in rhyme about life and fun? [more inside]
posted by Mike Mongo on Nov 25, 2013 - 2 answers

Should I give this another shot?

I searched for similar questions but had a hard time finding something that applied to what I think is a very specific situation. I'm trying to decide if I should attempt dating an ex, and I'm hoping the Hive Mind can help me out. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2013 - 23 answers

Should I stay or should I go?

I am in a strange situation. Around 8 or so months ago I met a man on a message board. We started private contact and things quickly turned romantic. He lives in another country that I will be visiting in a few months. There are some concerns in if I should bail now or go through with the meeting. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2013 - 30 answers

What Does a Woman Taste Like?

However bizarre my inquisition, for those men and women who have 'been down,' and eaten the proverbial flower, what have your experiences been like? What does it taste like? Men taste like skin and smell a bit earthy.. and sometimes taste incredibly salty which is slightly unpleasant but not off-putting in the moment lol. So what do we taste like?
posted by OneHermit on Nov 18, 2013 - 19 answers

I've been going in circles about this for a while

My relatively new boyfriend (half a year) told me he never wanted to get married or have kids. I have always wanted these things. Friends tell me that since we're still young and none of this is an issue yet, I shouldn't be worrying about it, but I can't help it. What to do? [more inside]
posted by LoonyLovegood on Nov 18, 2013 - 49 answers

How do you get over someone who loves you and still leaves you

There's a lot of advice out there for getting over someone but I can't wrap my head around being left unexpectedly when I still feel loved. First time being broken up with at 30 doesn't help either... [more inside]
posted by Valkyrie21 on Nov 16, 2013 - 29 answers

songs: i'm sorry

Looking for songs that reflect the following sentiment: I'm sorry I hurt you, you were right to end things, I hope we can build a better friendship but I don't expect anything, thank you for trying anyway. [more inside]
posted by divabat on Nov 13, 2013 - 22 answers

taking responsibility in a breakup

How do you manage healing from a breakup when you contributed a lot to the problem? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 18 answers

Overwhelming need for intimacy.

I've been really lonely the past year or two, and it's been very overwhelming how much I've missed being with someone. I romanticize women I come across and it always leads to disappointment. How do I stop doing this? [more inside]
posted by morning_television on Nov 4, 2013 - 18 answers

Happy endings, the second time around

I'm seeking fictional stories of second chances at love that work out successfully, but not the standard Act II breakup with a happy Act III resolution. [more inside]
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese on Oct 28, 2013 - 11 answers

Can I learn to cope with possibly permanent lack of a sex and love life?

I'm a straight guy, late thirties. I have little sexual experience and have never been in a romantic relationship, for reasons of social anxiety and body image which I won't get into here. It's coming to seem possible that this will never change, and that thought is extremely painful to me. How can I learn to live with it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 28, 2013 - 35 answers

Were my relationship expectations unrealistic?

Having been in a nigh 4 year relationship, it's ended and I'm left wondering did I just expect too much? [more inside]
posted by Junghans on Oct 25, 2013 - 29 answers

Recommend media that is dark, sad, and beautiful

I love the theatrical, haunting, sad, yet, beautiful music of Lana Del Ray. Can you recommend any similar music, or accompanying literature and cinema? Thank you!
posted by blithecatpie on Oct 24, 2013 - 38 answers

Wuv! Troooo wuv!

Help me add nerd cred to a wedding speech. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 21, 2013 - 12 answers

High school sweethearts turned college breakup

Is it possible to love someone and want to "explore your options" at the same time? [more inside]
posted by xxxsweetambitionxxx on Oct 20, 2013 - 10 answers

We are "on a break". How long should it last?

My fiancee and I have been together for seven-and-a-half years, owned a house together for three, and in the spring of this year she agreed to marry me. Last week she told me, quite out of the blue, that she wanted a break from our relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 18, 2013 - 40 answers

Help me date myself

I went through a pretty wretched breakup of a long-term relationship earlier this year and am still dealing with the ill effects. I'm not interested in dating anyone, or rather don't think I should date anyone, for a while. But I'm getting really into the idea of dating myself. Please help me come up with ideas to do that! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 14, 2013 - 21 answers

Wedding Gift: Creative Guestbook Ideas

My best friend is getting married in June and I'm a bridesmaid. I've offered to put together a guestbook for the couple as part of the big day. I've heard of so many creative ideas - books with photos, framed signed photos, puzzles, etc., but some of them seem impractical. I want this to be something they can potentially display in their home as a reminder of the ceremony. I need ideas, links, personal anecdotes (what made your guestbook special?), to help me put together the best guest book for a lovely couple! It can be DIY or for purchase.
posted by brynna on Oct 14, 2013 - 19 answers

Go No Contact Or Try Again - Can We Become Whole People Together?

After loosing ourselves in each other, my girlfriend and I broke up. Is it possible for two people who still get great along splendidly to recover from dual co-dependency and love loss? [more inside]
posted by GoneWhere on Oct 12, 2013 - 23 answers

How to provide some support from afar?

What are some ways that I can provide support from afar for friends dealing with illness? [more inside]
posted by miles1972 on Oct 4, 2013 - 5 answers

The ethics/practicalities of an older woman dating a younger male virgin

[This post contains somewhat graphic descriptions of our intimate experiences and sexual topics generally, so if you are sensitive or perhaps at work it is good to know that.] I am in my early 30s and my new boyfriend is in his mid 20s. I am the first woman he has ever dated, the third he has ever kissed and if we progress in the relationship I will be the first he has ever had sex with. He is a phenomenal human being and I can hardly believe how lucky I am to know him let alone get the chance to have a relationship with him. I am worried about a few things, however and want to weigh them carefully before proceeding any further. [more inside]
posted by telomere on Sep 16, 2013 - 36 answers

How to handle loved one going on tour?

My fiancé is going on tour in support of a major pop act. This means consecutive three-month absences for the next year (maybe two) as she performs. This is her calling and her art and I support it 100%. Still, I dread her long absence and I am going to miss her as fiercely as I love her. I'm looking for ways to maintain our strength, equality, and communication, and to stave off problems that must arise. Particularly advice, anecdotes, and specific things that helped your (similar) relationship - or hurt it.
posted by fake on Sep 7, 2013 - 16 answers

Lets get it on, or get it off!

I’m going for a “One final attempt to straighten things out” about our sex life. Ineed a few lines to take and thought to hold on to so that I don’t come across as aggressive or needy or at least not slightly responsible... [more inside]
posted by krisb1701d on Sep 5, 2013 - 16 answers

Can't be together, but can't let go despite best efforts

I've just moved to somewhere that's a 24-hour plane ride away, we have different long-term goals yet the connection we had is undeniably rare and we can't stop grieving. Help me best handle this. [more inside]
posted by kinoeye on Sep 3, 2013 - 7 answers

Is this breakup necessary, and if so, how can I survive it.

After 20 months, we're still passionately in love, but he "wants to make a life with me" and I am not sure either way whether that is what I want. But breaking up is really hard because we are really in love. [more inside]
posted by winterportage on Aug 27, 2013 - 54 answers

Should I be the one who got away?

Two women, two very different paths in life. Is there a third option that I can't see? Excessive detail inside. [more inside]
posted by MyFrozenYear on Aug 18, 2013 - 33 answers

Songs about letting go of unrequited love?

I'm trying to make a playlist to help me get past an unrequited-love situation. I'm looking for songs where the people actually know each other, not ones where they're in love with a stranger. [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Aug 16, 2013 - 38 answers

The grass might be greener, but I don't want it to be!

I don't especially want to leave my boyfriend, but how do I stop feeling like I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life if I don't? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2013 - 36 answers

What is it like to have sex for the first time? Advice?

As someone with Asperger's Syndrome and that doesn't socialize much, I know virtually nothing about relationships and sex, and I never really believed that I would experience either of those. But I have finally met someone I connect with and we both want to have sex! [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on Aug 4, 2013 - 20 answers

Out of love, want back in

I have fallen out of love with my husband. I want to be back in love with him, but I don't know what to do. Help? Very extended details within. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 31, 2013 - 41 answers

In need of resources to help get through a relationship crisis.

Hi AskMefi folks. I am in need of resources and reading materials for a relationship crisis - things I (we?) can read, things I (we?) can consider, worksheets I can use to help guide conversations with my partner. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 24, 2013 - 4 answers

Falling in love feels impossible to me.

To what extent should someone question their ability to fall in love after enduring countless "lukewarm" relationships? [more inside]
posted by jpritcha on Jul 23, 2013 - 16 answers

She has cats. I have allergies. Can/should we live together?

So perhaps I'm burying the lede, because I have other concerns than the cats, but we've been dating a little over 2 years and she'd like to move in. I have significant reservations about sharing my space generally but her two cats are the most conspicuous aspect I object to, due to allergies and general not-wanting-pets. [more inside]
posted by jackbishop on Jul 15, 2013 - 44 answers

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