Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with loss

I want to lose 100 pounds. Where do I start?

Anonymous — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 21:01:15 -0800

I want to lose 100 pounds. Where do I start? What can I expect? I've just finished with my exams, and New Years is rapidly approaching. I keep putting this issue off, but no longer: I need to lose a substantial amount of weight.

About me, and my weight:

I weigh about 300 pounds. I have a large frame, and I'm about 6 feet tall, so I would be a big guy regardless, but I don't need to be this big. A BMI calculator says I have to weigh 185 pounds to be in "normal" range, but to be honest, I would be very happy at 200 pounds.

I'm 26 years old. When I was in high school, I was very overweight, at about 275 pounds. I managed, over two years, to drop to about 240 or 230 pounds. Then college ended. I had a job, followed by graduate school. It was harder to exercise, I ate more takeout food. (I eat a lot of take out food). Not making excuses, just explaining what happened. I also developed some anxiety issues, and started taking Paxil. Either because of the anxiety, or the paxil, I've put on another 40 or 50 pounds over the course of a year and a half, leaving me where I am today.

I think I use food as a comforting device: I eat when I'm stressed. I especially eat a lot for dinner. Sometimes I think I have trouble feeling satiated.

I want to fundamentally change my relationship with food. I don't feel terrible about my appearance, so that's not the issue. But I want to be healthy: I want to live a long time, and obesity has a plethora of bad long-term effects.

Where do I start? My therapist has said: "The paxil might be some of it. Finish your first semester exams, and then we can worry about it." Well, it's time. I'm going to talk about changing medications, but I am convinced that is not the whole of the equation: I was overweight before the anxiety issues. I've discussed my weight issues with my primary care doctor as well. He says "Its partly due to the paxil". He says it's an issue, and to lose weight. I guess it's helpful for him to identify it as an issue, but that alone doesn't seem enough to motivate me.

Well I'm looking for some guidance. Should I look for a nutritionist? Someone I should visit readily? Should I join weight watchers? How do I keep myself focused? How do I keep myself motivated? (Sometimes the goal seems so unattainable I begin to feel hopeless). What should I expect? I would love to hear from anyone who has dealt with weight issues before.

Vegan until 6pm

timpanogos — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:06:28 -0800

Vegan until 6: Has this method worked for you or someone you know? I am interested in this article describing food writer Mark Bittman's approach to weight loss.

Has this no processed food, no animal products until 6 thing worked for you in any form? It intrigues me. After six he eats higher quality items and saves up for them throughout the day- but focuses on non processed items and veggies in the morning and afternoon.

I am currently vegetarian (I eat eggs on occasion). I am intrigued by this idea and would love to hear others' experiences and if they found it a valuable weight loss tool.

Male pattern me?

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 17:53:50 -0800

Should I take something for my (possible) baldness? ***I did check out the other questions re: this and didn't find the question/answer I was looking for***

I'm 35, have always had a good head of really thick hair. My mother's grandfather (for whatever it's worth) was not bald, as far as I know. Died young though (late 50s I think). So who knows. There's not a lot of baldness in my family though.

Anyway, I've been in an extremely stressful educational program for the last 8 months. So stressful in fact that I blame it for giving me shingles this month. Which sucked. Different story. But anyway, I have definitely been stressed well beyond normal.

Somewhere about 2 months ago, I noticed that the hair at my forward hair line (bangs?) is way thinned than it used to be. Not sure how long it's been this way, but I've never seen my scalp before and I can totally see it now if I look in the mirror. Not noticeable yet from a few feet away, but definitely freaking me out. I would guess about 50% of my hair is gone.

I'm not sure if it could be stress that made my hair fall out. I've always been confident that I'd maintain a full head of hair throughout my life, so this is a big surprise to me.

YANMD but what do you think? My hair is maybe my best physical attribute, and my others are not all that great. But the idea of spending $30 a month for something that's only going to slow the tide is depressing to me and I'm not sure if it will be effective either way.

I just started dating someone (who is not superficial, and awesome, and I'm really feeling into her) and I was like, do you think I should start Rogaine (as a joke) and she's like, "yeah, totally, I know so many guys who wish they had started when they had the chance". But also I asked "could you love a bald man?" and she said she could. Her dad is 70 with a full head of black hair.

I'm inclined to not do anything, particularly with the idea that it might be stress and that my hair might grow back when this craziness dies down. But if it's not stress, and I lose what is left up there, I will definitely miss it.

Any advice, thoughts or experience would be greatly appreciated.

PS I talked to my doctor...all my lab work checks out. Thyroid, anemia. She says "mail pattern baldness". I'm not totally sure I agree.

"Fathers be good to your daughters / Daughters will love like you do"

rmm — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:59:01 -0800

Found long lost dad - now what? Hi Mefis,

I'm hoping to get some perspective here on what to do, especially from folks who have found long lost relatives and how they've dealt with reconnecting. I tend to turn here when I have a question, so I figured, 'why not again' since in some ways this is the ultimate Meta thing to find and deal with.

So after putting it off for years, I finally traced my father's wearabouts - the last time I saw him in person was 13 years ago, and he had basically dropped off the face of the earth (no forwarding address, very little contact with my family over the years). My parents split when I was very young, and he left town without providing child support. As a result my mother scrapped by providing for my half sister and I. I saw him a few times when I was still a child after that initial split, but I don't remember them very clearly - they were kind of a 'he breezes into town and gives us $100 and a stuffed toy' type moments. He wrote occasionally to me over the years to say how he loved me, but contact was minimal. Needless to say I have a therapist whom I'm working with to deal with my issues of feeling abandoned, fear of commitment, etc. stemming from not having a father, or an absent one at best.

My mother asked me never to contact him - I think she was still upset about the split, which was very hostile. They never divorced - she was so upset by the experience she didn't even bother to formally divorce him. Unfortunately she died earlier this year, and curiosity got the better of me - I hired a private investigator, who found that my father is in my old hometown. The question is what to do next. I'll be visiting my hometown for the holidays and can't decide what to do next - and what's the best thing for both parties. He'd be 76, and while I'm angry he left us, I'm exactly not wild about just barging into his life after all these years with a bunch of questions. He's 76 - how well is he going to be? I don't want to make an already stressful time of the year even more stressful by reentering his life, and I have no intention of making this a miserable experience for either party. Having said that, he's got to have expected that his daughter would want to meet him eventually, right? And I have a bunch of questions that feel reasonable to want to have answered. Some of the questions are practical - like finding out my family's medical history on his side, since I know nothing about it. Some of the questions though are very emotional in nature - finding out why he left, what's he like (personality wise), and I guess some sort of sense that he regrets not being in my life. I'm trying to be open minded in the experience, and realize that the results may not be ideal - that he may not feel like he did anything wrong, that he may not want to meet, that this is just an opportunity and nothing more, and to go into it as being a positive experience regardless of the outcome. I know as an adult that most things in life (and relationships especially) aren't black or white but grey - he could be feeling shame at leaving us, uncertain at contacting me, etc. etc.

So what are my options? Do I write him beforehand, telling him I'll be in town and that I'd like to meet for coffee? Do I try and call him instead - although that's not necessarily an option, since he apparently didn't pick up the phone when the private investigator called. Do I just show up on his doorstep and hope for the best? Or do I do nothing - just let sleeping dogs lie, and resign myself to never knowing about him? There are other options I can use - i.e. in-laws and family friends who are willing to run 'interference' and show up with me to at a coffee shop if he wants to meet. Would that be smart to do? I feel like I'm never going to have resolution on this issue until I meet him - and even if he turned out to be a total jerk, at least I can say, 'well, I met my dad, and he was a jerk', and at least I'd know it. Is it selfish of me to be doing this at this point in my life? If you've gone through this experience, what did you say or do at the time to make it easier on both of you?

I appreciate any advice especially from those who've been there. You can Mefi mail me if you'd prefer to take this offline. Thanks!

Imac has lost its once strong wireless signal

ranunculus — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:25:41 -0800

My girlfriend's imac keeps losing its wireless signal, despite having functioned perfectly for over a year at its present location. How can I remedy this? The wireless router - a linksys wrt 54g - is located at my desk about 50 feet and one wall away, where it is hardwired to my pc. For the past year, her imac received the signal perfectly. And now it's extremely weak. Rebooting her computer, my computer, the router, or the cable modem does nothing to improve her signal. Yet my other computer - a pc laptop - receives a perfectly good signal next to her imac.

She is running osx 10.4.11
I'm on vista

30% exchange rate, really? Give me a break, weight watchers!

cgg — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:36:23 -0800

WeightWatchers Canada vs WeightWatchers United States -- is there a difference, besides price, for the online version? I'm thinking of joining the online version of WeightWatchers. The main site (the .com), has three months for $65 USD. The canadian version (.ca) has the same three months for $85 CDN. Last time I checked, it's been years (decades?) since the exchange rate was 30%. Does anyone know why on earth I should sign up for the Canadian version? Assume I'm not interested in their real life meetings at all. Do they not take Canadian credit cards? Is there a difference between the programs, or does one take canada-specific products into account? Do they just assume canadians are suckers?

How do we even begin to deal with the murder of our friend?

Anonymous — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:04:14 -0800

My boyfriend and I have a friend who was just killed for seemingly no reason. I am trying to come to terms with this, and help him at the same time. Less than a week ago, one of my boyfriend's best friends was found shot and killed. No suspects, no motive, no way of currently knowing how he got where he was found. He was a great friend to my boyfriend, as they are both from the same small town and relocated here. He would come over often and stay for a day or two with us. One of his work shirts is still hanging in our closet.

I suppose my question has many parts, and is both specific to the terrible way in which we lost him, and pertinent to grieving in general.

First, how do I best help my boyfriend through this? I knew his friend for the duration of our relationship (3-4 years), but he has known him since childhood. He has been very stoic, but has never even lost a grandparent and I want to do everything possible for him. I have lost many family members, but it was always through illness or old age. This is a different beast entirely.

How do we deal with the fact that we may never know who did this to him, or why it happened? I know homicide investigations take quite a while, but it is torturous to imagine never knowing anything more. Should we contact the detectives working on this case again for updates, or just... wait? Since we are not family, I am not sure if there is set protocol on this.

Is there some sort of set of guidelines, a book recommendation or something else, to know what to do right now to cope? My family and friends are calling, but I don't feel like seeing anyone. I forced myself to do a couple things with friends last weekend, and went to work on Saturday, but I was pretty exhausted afterward. I have taken this week off from work and school, and am trying to work up the energy to even email in my homework. I've just kind of been a numb lump on the couch, for the most part. I guess this is par for the course, but is there something more productive I could be doing with my time? Will keeping busy with normal activities help to distract from the crushing reality? ...Or, is being distracted even good? Is it better to deal with this first before entering the real world again?

I'd like to turn off the graphic images in my head. I lay out all of the possible things that could have happened, all the horrible things that could have been done to him. I wonder if he knew he was going to die before it happened. I hope he wasn't scared. I feel like this type of thinking is detrimental to my health and sleep patterns, but can't turn it off.

Additionally, in the long term, are there good strategies/activities to make our days a little brighter? At the moment, there is a huge hole in our lives, but I randomly started looking at pictures of kittens up for adoption today and it was a pleasant distraction for a bit. Now we are talking about maybe getting a kitty sometime in the immediate future. Would it be wise to jump into something like that so soon, or should we wait on the decision to expand our "family"?

As a side note, I approached the subject of grief counseling with my boyfriend, and even looked up a few therapists in the area. He said, "not yet, maybe after the funeral." We both know it will be beneficial to go through that process soon.

Any and all anecdotes, wise words, stories, etc. are welcome. I know I asked about 25 questions. Thank you all in advance.

Throwaway email: wemisshim@gmail.com

(What's the Story) Morning blurry?

XiBe — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:29:21 -0800

IKnowYouAreNotMyDoctor-filter: one blurry eye in the morning. Hello,

I've had a new eye behaviour since this Monday. Waking up, I quickly opened my eyes, only to discover a slight change of perception to my right eye, and a feeling as if opening my peeled something off my cornea - but it might just my brain trying to adapt a blurry right eye to a perfect left eye.

Yes, because I don't wear glasses or lenses - never have. I used to have very clear vision in both eyes (not perfect, mind you, but I could read easily some very far texts).

I slowly regained focus on my right eye, but since then I have a slightly blurrier vision in the right eye than my left. Next morning (yesterday), I woke up with no noticeable change. This morning, I again woke up with a blurry right eye, which improved in the next few minutes.

Yes, I am planning to see an ophthalmology, but it can take months before I get a appointment, so in the meantime I'm asking The Hive: have you ever witnessed such a behaviour (both the morning blur, and the slight loss of focus from one day to the next)? Should I be worried?

Details: I'm 32 and healthy, I work on a computer all day (have been for years with no issue)... and have slightly lacked sleep these last few days (what with being single again, y'know).

Thanks a lot for any insight.

worst day at work ever or what?

nerdcore — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:33:12 -0800

My coworker came to work and shot himself today. I was the only person to talk to him and was one of the first people to reach him after he did it. I'm planning on speaking with the grief counselors they're bringing in tomorrow. But I'm wondering if there are any resources I should know about for people in a situation like mine, specifically: witnesses of the suicide of a coworker or friend. In case the details are relevant: they are below. My coworker, J called in from the front door (which is locked) needing to be let in. I went to open the door for him and he was visibly drunk. I asked him if he was okay, he said no and as he headed for his cubicle, I grabbed our HR person to let them know that J had just come in and didn't look good, seemed drunk. About 5 seconds later our IT guy started yelling "oh my god" and I ran over to the cubicle.

J was bleeding from his head and ear, I didn't know what it was at first, but I could smell the burning hair. Someone else called 911; I asked if we needed to check his pulse but there was a lot of blood and I was scared to touch him.

I wasn't so close with J that we hung out outside of work, but we were on the same web/technology team so I talked with him almost every day. His mom had died a few months ago and he took it pretty hard. Some of my other coworkers were closer with him, and had been reaching out to help him. I guess it was too late for that.

I keep seeing him in my head, and I can't get the memory of the smell out of my head either. If I try not to think about it, I start worrying that ignoring it is bad too, and I guess I'm just trying to figure out what is "normal" for a situation like this. I think what I'm looking for is, perhaps, some information about how others have dealt with similar experiences.

"Soft in some places, lumpy in others. It's ghoulish. You are a ghoul."

The Whelk — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:24:51 -0800

My Disgusting Body And You: For reasons I can't divulge, I will be appearing nude in public come November. What can I do in a month so I look my naked best? I don't have a gym and really can't afford one, and my time is going to be pretty tight for the first two weeks in October... 1- I'm a 25 year old 220 pound dude shaped like Judah Friedlander.

2- I kinda went to hell this summer for work and other reasons. I'm pale, my upper body strength is shot completely and my clothes are starting to rebel. My motivation to move around has been nil, hence doing the nude thing to force myself to do something.

3- I already eat pretty well, not a whole lot of processed food and lots of veggies. More than willing to cut out the big things like beer and bread and fried foods. My problem is that I'm never hungry. Ever. I eat maybe one meal a day. Everyone says you have to eat little meals to up your metabolism but I just can't force myself to eat that much.

4- As I said before, no gym, but a big empty floor and 2 ten pound weights. Also, cause of the money situation, I can't do classes or anything that costs money.

5- Anything else I should be doing Right Now to ensure I look Super Great Naked in a month? Start scrubbing off the foot calluses or full body moisturizing or what?

Anosmia - is it forever?

terrierhead — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 11:06:14 -0800

Getting over a lousy cold/flu, can breathe again but can't smell anything. Is this permanent? I'm a 37 y/o female who until recently had an extremely good olfactory ability. My toddler twins brought home the superflu from their daycare last week. After more than a week of illness the whole family's on the mend. I ended up with an ear infection and am being treated with antibiotics.

Two days ago, I noticed that although my stuffy nose was clearing up, I still couldn't smell anything. A sip of wine tasted like acetone, and my toddlers' dirty diapers, which I usually identify from afar by their odor, became imperceptible by scent. My nose is still running today but I'm breathing through it just fine. And I can't smell a thing.

I've looked up information on anosmia (loss of sense of smell) and found that colds and flu can cause this to happen - but from a stuffy nose, which I don't have. I called my doctor's office and the nurse their told me not to worry, but I was still stuffy this morning and am not now. I called a local ask-a-nurse hotline and they freaked the hell out.

I'd like to refrain from freaking for a bit but also would like more information. Has anyone heard of this happening and then going away? Or should I start selling off my perfume collection? (I was a BPAL collector before the kids came along.)

How to express condolences with estranged neighbor?

keith0718 — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:26:41 -0800

Our somewhat estranged neighbors just lost their 19 y/o son in a tragic accident. How do we communicate our sympathies? We had a small disagreement with them when we first moved here and because of that bad impression we've never really developed a relationship with them. We're civil, but there's tension. I'm going out of my mind trying to think of an appropriate response to their inconceivable loss. They have tons of support from family and friends. They don't need ours...but I want to communicate our condolences in an appropriate manner.

How long could a person live after having his or her arm cut off?

edavidoff — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 03:00:49 -0800

How long could a person live after having his or her arm cut off? I was watching my DVD of Kill Bill, for about the umpteenth time, and I wondered about the scene where Uma Thurman's character cuts off the arm of a pretty lady at the shoulder. The lady has a lot of blood spurting out of her shoulder, and she screams at bit, but by the end of the movie seems pretty OK about losing her arm.

Does anyone, maybe with some medical knowledge, have a good idea about how long a person could live after having an arm cut off before dying of loss of blood, or of shock, or probably both? In the movie, she lives at least 30 minutes, probably more, which I reckon could never happen. What do other people think?

Excel 2007 file for Hacker's Diet

ajackson — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:05:02 -0800

Where can I find a 2007 compatible excel file for the Hacker's Diet? For those who don't know about the Hackers' diet: see here

So you can get the chart tools for all of the other previous versions of Excel here, has anyone made a version compatible with Excel 2007? Where can I grab it?

Just a few pounds here and there.

hadjiboy — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:57:30 -0800

How much weight do you put on by, say, drinking 600 mg of Coke/Pepsi a day? Does it matter if you’re drinking Diet Coke or Pepsi, and how many kilometers/miles will you have to walk or run before you’ll be able to burn off those calories that you’ve gained? Also, is it the same thing in the case of Fruit Drinks, like Maaza (which is a Mango flavoured fruit drink that you get here). link

The reason why I'm asking is because, before the accident, I had put on a lot of weight (weighed something like 90 Kilos) and lost quite a bit after the accident, but right now the doctor says I'm fine (weigh a healthy 70 Kilos) and I'd like to stay this way.

What, aside from a healthy Diet, and giving up the above mentioned Aireted drinks (how much of them will I have to give up) will I have to forgo.

Where can I get 2,4-DNP in Denver or by mail order?

CodeMonkey — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 07:26:51 -0800

Looking to buy 2,4-Dinitrophenol in Denver or good mail order company. Can't seem to find one that I recognize on the Internet and I don't trust just anyone. Any suggestions?

Do I need insurance for my web business?

tomargue — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 22:47:04 -0800

Do I need to insure my web business? I am setting up a to-do list + calendar web application that holds users' data. Do I need to insure against data loss, or down time? Or can I put all that in a EULA (e.g., [web application] will not be responsible for any data loss, down time, data corruption etc)? I plan to speak to a lawyer in about two months time about all the legal requirements prior to my web application "going live", but I want to get a bit of a feel of the risks associated before speaking to a lawyer and forking over $1000s or more.

If I do need insurance for my web app, what's the best way of finding insurance? (I've never looked at finding insurance before...my housemates have always taken care of home and contents insurance, and I've never owned a car). If insurance does exist for data loss etc, what's the ball-park figure on how much such a scheme would cost? Would I need to go with an multinational insurer, since the site will be available world-wide? Or would a small local insurer do (I live in Melbourne, Australia)? Or can I simply have an End User License Agreement and make my users agree not to sue me if I accidently lose their data. I know, even to this day, that Hotmail deletes user accounts if left idle for a few months....

Can I reverse my hair loss?

GarotaDaCidade — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 09:00:14 -0800

My hair is getting crazy-thin around my face from frequently pulling my hair back. Will anything make it grow back? I am a 20-something female, and my hair is thinning in the upper corners of my face. I often put my hair in a ponytail because of its thickness and general lack of discipline, and I believe the thinning is occurring because of that (although i don't really pull it back that tightly). Any tips for bringing my hair back- BESIDES "stop putting your hair in ponytails," that is a given- maybe supplements or other OTC drugs I could take?

(I would feel kind of silly going to buy rogaine, especially if it's not going to work.)

How do I cope with bitterness and vengefulness toward my ex?

Anonymous — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:28:31 -0800

My husband of 17 years had an affair and left me for someone else. Three years later, I’m still feeling bitter and vengeful. Please help me cope. Three years ago, my husband (now ex-) had an affair and left me for someone else. We had been married for 17 years, were both in our mid-forties, and had no kids by choice.

The woman he left me for was married, has four kids, and was cheating on her husband with my ex. They met in an online game. Within a few months of starting the online affair, he started sending her money behind my back, he suddenly realized he wanted kids, and they decided they were meant to be together. He quit his job, divorced me, emptied our joint bank account, and moved across the country to take a new job and be with her, all within the space of about six months. I’ve had no contact with him ever since. None of his family or friends speak to me anymore, so I have no idea where he is or what happened to him after he left.

It astounded me that the man I’d known, loved, and lived with for 17 years was capable of doing something like this. Seventeen years! No one who knew him (or thought they did, anyway) ever would have predicted it. I’m not even sure he himself knew why he did it. His family and friends were as shocked and blindsided as I was. Some tried to talk him out of it, and one even tried to warn him that his new love interest might have been taking him for a ride, but he wouldn’t hear a word of it.

Losing him was devastating, especially under conditions like this. I loved him with all my heart. Even when there was emotional distance there was still sexual chemistry between us, up to and including the day he left, which confused me even more.

For more than a year, I was completely wrecked. I could barely even function. Sometimes I look at photos of myself from right before the divorce, and compare them to photos taken two years later, and it’s as if I aged ten years in that time.

Throughout the divorce process, he insisted that he still loved me and never set out to hurt me, but just couldn’t be with me anymore because he had to go ‘find himself’ and date other people. He even had the nerve to try to maintain a ‘friendship’ with me after this betrayal. I refused. It hurt to cut him out of my life entirely, but I had to do it, because it hurt even more to try to downgrade things to ‘friendship.’ Every contact I had with him was like the emotional version of re-opening a sucking chest wound.

Although I’ve moved on in some ways, I feel like I’ve been scarred for life by this loss, and healing is a very slow process. On the surface, I’m doing all right. I have good relationships with my two sisters. I have friends and a job, though I make very little money and I’m in debt. Except for a short fling, I haven’t dated since he left, and I’m lonely. I’ve tried online dating, and I attend night classes and various events, but haven’t met anyone I click with. (Dating in your forties is a whole different ball game than dating in your twenties, I’ve found. It’s kind of depressing).

The thing that still torments me the most, though, is that even after all this time, I’m still struggling with feelings of bitterness and vengefulness. I have not forgiven him for what he did, and to be honest I don’t even know if I’m capable of it. I can’t help but think that forgiveness is somewhat overrated.

I’ve tried therapy and all kinds of other things to work through all this, including mindfulness meditation, exercise, getting perspective by reading about people who have it worse than me, reading self-help books (the no-bullshit kind, not the fluffy saccharine kind), and writing him icy and rage-filled letters (none of which were actually sent, because I promised myself that no matter how bad it got, I would always maintain my dignity, and not behave like a crazy ex). All these things have helped to a certain extent, yet I still wonder how I could have been blindsided like this. I once prided myself on being a fairly good judge of character.

I’ve made some progress, at least. I can tell the burden is lighter than it was a year ago. Yet underneath it all, I still feel tattered and torn. I used to be confident, but now my self-image feels damaged. Although I know I’m better off without him, I miss the tenderness and love I once felt toward him. Things still feel unsettled. I know I’ll never see him again, and I won’t ever get an apology. I’m doing my best to move on with my life anyway.

But there is also a part of me, a part I’m not so proud of, that wants to see him reap what he has sown. My friends tell me that people who do things like this eventually get their comeuppance. I don’t know if I actually believe in karma, but I’m clinging to the idea anyway because it comforts me, especially when I’m struggling financially while he (as far as I know) is doing just fine. Is it really true that karma's a bitch? And if it were, would it even make any difference?

I still don’t understand what could have driven him to do something like this. Maybe I never will. But I’m tired of this dragging on and on. I want to find some kind of peace, if not resolution. How do I do this?

Personal experiences welcome. Throwaway email: blindsided.ex at gmail dot com.

active but still overeating...

Anonymous — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:39:25 -0800

Very obese woman. Gone from entirely sedentary to going to the gym 4 days a week over the past year. Lost inches but not a whole lot of weight considering my new level of activity. Problem lies in eating.... I come from a family of morbidly obese people and over eaters so I have a slew of bad habits and difficult genes. I, however, am restructuring my life and trying to get my weight down and have successfully tackled a huge part of it, which was my inactivity. I went from having difficulty doing 15 lame (ie. little to no resistance, not pedaling very quickly) minutes on the recumbent bike to now being able to go hard (120-140 strides per minute, high inclines, resistance, etc) on crosstrainer/ellipitical machines for 45-60 minutes. I've lost a little over 30 pounds which seems like very little considering how far I have come fitness-wise and how much I need to lose. Up until this point I have tried to cut back in my food and make smarter choices, but my focus has really been the activity half of it. I need to tackle my eating more directly.

I have joined FitDay and am going to start tracking my eating as I am (I believe) a compulsive eater. I frankly think it will help, just seeing what and how much I am putting into my mouth, but I need to find a way to retrain myself and my eating habits. I have the knowledge about proper eating habits, nutrition, portions, etc. but have difficulty putting it into practice in any long term way.

Can anyone suggest tips/books/what worked for them to truly become aware of what they are eating, as well as killing intense cravings and addressing the psychological aspect of over eating?

FWIW - I live in a tiny rural area so any sort of support group or therapy option doesn't exist for me, and even if it were that isn't what I'm looking for. Also, I have never been one to eat chips or chocolate or fast food. The food I eat, for the most part, is veggie filled healthy stuff. My problem is mostly in portion sizes and picking/snacking in the evenings.

I know weight can be a touchy issue so I created a throwaway email account activelyeating @ gmail.com if you want to remain anonymous.

Huh?Filter: Advice needed on getting a hearing aid

mad_little_monkey — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:22:59 -0800

Huh?Filter: Advice needed on getting a hearing aid My beloved husband has suspected hearing loss for years. It's time we get him a hearing aid, he has trouble hearing basic conversation. Can anyone advise on the first step and maybe the best device that is out there now? What kind of doctor should he see?

How can I tell if my recent hair loss is natural or a medication side effect?

Anonymous — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:16:57 -0800

I'm a mid-20s male who recently noticed some hair loss around the time I stopped taking the anti-depressant Remeron. Some online research tells me that hair loss is a fairly rare but not unheard-of side effect of this medication. How can I tell if my hair loss is actually from the medication, and how long does it typically take to start seeing new hair growth after stopping such a medication? I was on Remeron (mirtazapine) for approximately one month, taking 30mg once per day. I stopped taking it altogether approximately two months ago. It was around that same time that I began to notice the hair loss, which seems isolated to the center-front part of my scalp. It appears to have gotten a little worse since then, and I haven't see any new growth as of today. It's probably not too noticeable to most people who see me, but I have to style it fairly carefully to achieve that.

Prior to this, I only had some fairly minor thinning on the back crown area of my scalp, which seems unchanged at this time.

As a result, I'm unsure if the hair loss in the front is due to the medication or the onset of male pattern baldness. Of course, I could wait another few months and see what happens, but I intend to be more proactive than that. And please, no suggestions of shaving it all off or just accepting it - that's not what I'm asking about at this time.

My main questions are:

1. Is it normal for medication to cause hair loss in one isolated area, rather than all over?

2. How long does it usually take to start seeing new growth after stopping a medication that caused hair loss?

How can I find my dead cat?

the_arbiter — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 08:27:18 -0800

How can I find my dead cat? My 15-year-old cat had been pretty sick for a month, on thyroid medicine and antibiotics for breathing problems, when she suddenly became really lethargic, barely eating and even sneezing blood once or twice. For fiscal (and other) reasons we'd decided not to seek tons of expensive treatment, though we planned on having her put to sleep before she was in lots of real pain. On the third day of not eating much, she went outside and never came back.

This was three or four days ago, and by now I'm certain that she went to lay down somewhere quiet to die. But where? Under the porch? Under a shrub? In a tree? In someone else's untended backyard? Far away? Will we not know until her body begins to (ew!) rot? We'd really like to find her sometime soon, so we can give her a semi-dignified burial.

Should we try to recruit a dog with a strong sense of smell to track her down? Are there telltale places to look, where cats tend to go to die? Any other thoughts or experiences to share on this matter? Thanks!

And yes, this is a very sad matter for my family, and we feel awful that we didn't look after her more closely at the end. Still, 15 years is a long life for a cat, and I think she had a pretty good one with us. And to the extent that I think I understand cats, she didn't seem to be in pain -- just very tired and resigned.

Would a tire that is losing pressure rapidly be safer on the front or back of the car?

Malice — Sun, 17 May 2009 03:10:33 -0800

I have a tire that keeps losing pressure rapidly. In a car with front wheel drive, would it be safer to have the tire on the front, or the back? At least until the tire can be replaced. How would this effect (or not effect) the car?

Best weight loss shakes

Anonymous — Sat, 16 May 2009 20:35:29 -0800

What are the best/healthiest weight loss shakes and where to purchase online? I know that weight loss programs like Weight Watchers can be very successful, but for various reasons, right now I'd like to use meal replacement shakes for either most or all of my daily meals. Is there a reasonably healthy way to do this? What should I be looking for in a meal replacement shake? Can you recommend a particular brand?

I've heard good things about Optifast, but I haven't had an easy time finding it to purchase. Is it actually better in some way than other shakes?