I (female) grew up in a house as the only girl with multiple brothers. My mother began putting me on diets at age 8, before I'd ever shown any signs of having weight issues. I was a normal 8 yr old girl, but not as scrawny as my brothers. From the diets she'd always put me on (this was the 80's, for cultural reference), it began a terrible cycle of me failing the diets and not ever being able to do enough to make her stop policing what I ate. I'm just now coming to the conclusion that I may never have had an issue with food / being overweight if my mom had not forced her insecurities on to me. Longer explanation included. Advice/perspective/fellow war stories appreciated. [more inside]
How the fuck do I handle grief and grief police? [more inside]
My wife just learned her best friend is moving to a different city and is now very sad. How can I help? [more inside]
I'm an atheist and need (short) words of comfort for my grief. Bulleted list, haiku, your own account in 100 words or less, real articles, books. I have Frankl. [more inside]
How do you do it? [more inside]
For several months I have been experiencing a slight loss of hearing in one ear. It simply feels like the 'volume' in that ear is a few degrees lower than the other. I visited an ENT doctor who gave me a hearing test. I missed a couple beats in the lower frequency range. Then he gave me an MRI to rule out a tumor. (No tumor.) Now ENT tells me to come back in 6 months to see if the problem has resolved itself. I do not feel like waiting 6 more months, as this problem is annoying... any sounds drives me crazy due to the volume imbalance. I have not experienced any ear trauma from q-tips or concerts. It was just a sudden onset. What the hell is going on, and what can I do besides simply wait it out? [more inside]
I let the losses of loved ones, which I have experienced quite a lot over the years, define who I am and how I behave. I'm in therapy and working on it, but I'm looking for advice from people who fear losing others on how to deal with that ever-present shadow. [more inside]
I have weight to lose, but my body won't respond to anything I try. What's going on? [more inside]
I recently heard about the gastric balloon as a weight loss tool. Anyone here have any experience with this procedure? [more inside]
In the past five years, I've suffered a staggering number of losses, combined with generally stressful situations. I don't want to let it destroy me, but I feel like I'm running out of coping mechanisms. [more inside]
I'd like an online calorie diary that is simple, let's me just add the calorie numbers that I already know for a meal instead of making me search for each item. And then keep track of how I am meeting pre-determined goals. [more inside]
I just suddenly lost the younger of my two cats to an aggressive cancer. (The cat who just died is on the right, the survivor is on the left.) Aside from being heartbroken myself, I'm extremely worried about the other 14 year old cat. He and she were largely inseparable, and had been together 11 years. How do I help him in the short term and what would your best advice be about the long term? [more inside]
My childhood best friend decided to marry her partner of 20 years five weeks after my former partner committed suicide. I attended the reception but it was very hard for me. I haven’t spoken to her since. Today I got a Christmas card from her mother, and it stirred up some feelings I haven't been able to reconcile yet. [more inside]
I have recently started a relationship with a wonderful person but I realise now that I'm stifling its progress due to a fear of loss and I'd like some advice on how to stop doing this. [more inside]
My brother overdosed on Tuesday. I used my 3 days of bereavement and now I'm returning to work in two hours. I can't sleep and I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety. Can I use short term disability to take time off? [more inside]
It really sucks, doesn't it. [more inside]
From a non-medical perspective, what is it like to recover from having most of a leg amputated? [more inside]
I need some help in seeking a therapist. Not a recommendation to a specific therapist, but some insight into various approaches. [more inside]
I'd like to correct a pretty significant hole in my ear drum but am worried that this type of surgery might have a pretty high botch rate. [more inside]
A friend of mine decided they do not want to be friends any more. Because of additional circumstances, it has also meant losing a supportive community I'd been part of for a few years. I'm surprised by the intensity of my grief and finding it difficult to cope. I am looking for resources / books / personal accounts / tips to help me get through this. [more inside]
How do I deal with my unexpected strong feelings about my estranged father's death in light of my recent discovery that I am pregnant? [more inside]
Please recommended memoirs, philosophy, and/or classics on coping with death, the meaning of life, etc. [more inside]
I have posted some questions before about my first relationship and would like to get some advice on whether friendship is even the right thing now. I've had conflicted feelings the entire 5 1/2 years I've known this person, and am wondering what is the right thing to do? He says he needs my support because he finally came out but could we be friends or are we going to keep hurting each other? [more inside]
I recently had a missed miscarriage of a very much wanted pregnancy at 12 weeks. I know logically there must have been a problem that most likely wasn't my fault, that statistically miscarriages happen in 10-20% of known pregnancies....all of that. But this isn't helping my heart - advice? [more inside]
I'm having trouble letting go of my childhood home that I inherited, and the lifetime of stuff inside it. I could use some advice about how to move on. [more inside]
My father died a few days ago. Everybody is telling me that it helps to stay busy. I would like to try that, but certain life circumstances make it difficult. More inside. [more inside]
I have a very strong family history of type II diabetes (all 4 of my grandparents, both of my parents, and most of their numerous siblings have been diagnosed, usually in their late 50s). I am in my early 40s and somehow over the past 20 years have been putting pounds (quit smoking and gained some weight, got pregnant and didn't lose all the weight, got a sedentary office job and added a few more pounds . . .). Now I'm at a BMI of 31 and the heaviest I've ever been at middle age, and I REALLY don't want to become diabetic like everyone else in my family. [more inside]
My grandmother passed away last week. The viewing and funeral have already been held. I am now trying to deal with people who mean well, but say some incredibly dumb things. What are some good tactics? [more inside]
For those who have lost over 100 lbs and had a breast lift, abdominoplasty, or a lower body lift: Would you mind sharing your experience with me? [more inside]
I seem to have acute anxiety lately, which is causing a cognition deficit for me. My memory is quite poor and lax these days - I'm not certain if it is due to my vegan diet, or my ongoing intensive anxiety? Are there any tips on how to improve my memory and stabilize my anxiety? [more inside]
I'm trying to keep my momentum going regarding new year resolutions and eating better/moving more in an effort to lose a significant chunk of weight. Recommend me your favourite podcasts on the topic, please. [more inside]
I got a few free classes to a spinning class (Flywheel, its like Soulcycle) and I was trying to figure out whether it was an effective form of exercise for weight loss. Is it effective and would I feel out of place as a guy?
I am a man with thinning hair. I have full hair coverage on my hair but my scalp is very shiny where my hair is a bit thinner and it makes me self conscious. I googled how to stop head shine but everything I am seeing relates to fully bald heads. Any tips on how to stop the shine when you still have hair? Thanks!!
My husband cheated on me and left me after nearly two decades of a wonderful, loving, respectful marriage. The betrayal came out of nowhere, and involved emotional and on occasion physical abuse. I can't just go no contact, because we've got a daughter, we're financially entangled, and we will be for years. I am having trouble forging a new, post-marriage relationship with him because I'm deeply hurt, raw, angry, sad, and disoriented. I also can't picture what that relationship even looks like. And he has asked to spend all day on Christmas here at the house ... I don't know if I can handle it. [more inside]
I lost my husband this year, and my adult children lost their beloved father. I would like to start a tradition for remembrance this Christmas, at a meal or at gift opening. Ideally it should be short, meaningful, and accommodating of a wide range of beliefs, from atheist, to agnostic, to believer, to alternate religion. Any suggestions?
A family member lost her sense of smell in an accident and we would like to hold a little "memorial ceremony" to help her process it. Can you think of any songs, poems, quotations, readings, symbolic activities we could use? Serious and humorous suggestions are fine.
Have you ever dropped a bomb on your life? Been disowned by your parents? Shunned by your extended family and community? Please tell me about it. [more inside]
A mentor of mine passed away pretty suddenly a few weeks ago. I attended her funeral, cried, wrote out some of my thoughts, and think about her from time to time while listening to music that reminds me of her. This isn't affecting my daily function, but it has been on the back burner for a while. Now what? [more inside]
Late 30's female here who is undergoing a physician supervised diet because (obviously) I need to lose weight. I'm only on day two and all I can think about is FOOD! I keep reminding myself of all the reasons I want and need to lose weight but I'm getting discouraged. I know it's going to take time to break the old, unhealthy habits so, until that happens, I'm looking for advice on how to get over this hurdle. Special bonus points for website suggestions with inspirational stories.
Recently, I was my PCP and inquired about appetite suppressants. (I had taken adipex many years ago, which was great) and she informed me that she did not prescribe Adipex due to the possible cardiac side effects - but that she was prescribing Topamax as a weight loss aid due to the side effect of the medication being loss of appetite. She said it works quite well for a large majority of her patients, but not everyone. Has anyone here been prescribed Topamax specifically for this reason? If so, how well did it work and would you recommend it?
A friend who lives far from me delivered a beautiful baby boy yesterday at 24 weeks and lost him only hours later. I would like to send her something, what should I send? [more inside]
I've always been a huge overplanner but rarely follow through on any of my plans. When I do try, I get so obsessive about it it inevitably falls apart. I've been "trying" to lose the 40 lbs I gained in college (I'm 24 now) for the past 3 years without success. How can I actually lose weight without being so anal about it? [more inside]
How do the elderly process loss? [more inside]
I've had a truly awful year, and in April my much beloved pet died suddenly leaving me completely devastated with guilt and grief. Among the things I no longer seem to be able to do is answer the innocuous "How are you?" question from acquaintances and colleagues. Any suggestions? [more inside]
For the first time, in my early 40's, I'm overweight and ashamed and embarrassed and can't get back on track. [more inside]
Does anyone have any suggestions for working out and dieting that has worked for them? Although I do not have any health problems (knock on wood), I would really like to get into shape. I typically use the elliptical at the health club and I enjoy running out side except I tend to get shin splints. Not sure whether anyone has any book recommendations that helped motivate them? I can't stand how I feel and look as of late, so I need to do something drastic. Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated.
I work with a woman whose adult son passed away a little over a year ago. My mom also passed away 2.5 years ago, and we really connected over our losses. Last year for Mother's Day I sent my co-worker some standard flowers. This year I'd like to do something different, but need ideas. [more inside]
I had to put my beloved cat down last week and I'm frankly stunned by how hard the grief has hit me. He showed up at my back door 14 years ago and never left. We had a great time together. I decided to bury him in the garden but when I got home I found I couldn't dig down further than about a 8-12 inches because of tree roots and sprinkler lines. I have a bad back already, so in a panic, I buried him in his towel at that depth and put a 38-pound paver stone on top. I have a fenced yard and only a few stray cats (I note the ones always bullying him have disappeared) and maybe a possum find their way in. Now I am wracked with anxiety, worrying that he is not safe and I should not have done it, and maybe I should dig him up and cremate him, which would be awful to imagine...I can't stand it. Is there some drawback to this more shallow grave I don't know about? No animal could lift that stone. So far this anxiety and fear is the worst part of it. So if you could allay my fears, I'd appreciate it.
I think I'm about to have to deal with the loss of a beloved pet cat. I am not sure how to best handle dealing with her remains. I want to keep them. Can anyone help me figure this out? [more inside]
What I’m trying to figure out now is how to trust people again, trust myself again, and find myself/my voice again. [more inside]