Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with loser

Book, slacker, game. Arrrgh! Give me a clue!

twins named Lugubrious and Salubrious — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 04:19:20 -0800

Does this book exist or did I imagine it? It was a book of fiction about a 20(30?)-something loser who's working on an obsessive (and as yet unpublished) encyclopedia of every arcade game ever made, or something similar... ...He probably gets some kind of wake-up call to do something with his life, goes through some kind of learning experience, grows and becomes a better person for it, etc. etc., I'm sure. I'm fairly certain it was published only within the last couple of years. I picked it up from the table at Borders that had all the other books about aimless young people trying to find their place in life and so forth and such crap.

Help? Googling any amount of "loser", "slacker", "game", "arcade", "encyclopedia", and "fiction" isn't helping. Pardon the grumpy tone. This is getting me really frustrated because it sounded like a pretty mediocre book when I read the dust jacket at the time and now I'm compelled to search it out to find whether it was in fact as stupid as it sounded.

Songs About Incompetence

kmel — Mon, 21 May 2007 17:23:42 -0800

Seeking songs about incompetence. I'm gathering a playlist for a work event, so preferably the songs are both clean and well-known. The obvious ones are Beck's "Loser," the Beatles' "I'm a Loser," and Radiohead's "Creep." Also preferably, the songs are NOT obviously about being a loser at love, or being a drug addict/alchoholic -- think more general ineptitude/laziness/suckiness/loserhood/weakness, either from a self-deprecating perspective or putting someone else down. I feel like there's got to be plenty in the hip-hop, novelty/humor, and classic country/bluegrass genres that I'm just not thinking of.

Am I loser and/or should I just get over it?

frosty_hut — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 09:57:58 -0800

What am I doing wrong, or is this just a ships-passing-in-the-night thing? Since I was a kid I've had a lot of tough social issues--near pathological shyness (my parents and teachers thought I was autistic), mutliple phobias, a tendency to just shut down and go silent or literally run away, and an extreme fear of strangers and new situations. These things have been lifelong burdens.

I'm older now and have learned to adjust somewhat. I've been able to hold down jobs and get married and pass for normal. I don't feel any less fearful inside than I used to, but I've carefully studied how others behave, and I calibrate my actions and reactions very carefully to fit in, keeping most of the criticisms and corrections of others at bay. For the most part I think it works, but people still sense a coldness in me (or so I suspect), and I'm still the one person in the office that doesn't have a buddy, eats lunch alone, can't get into the groove of social office chat, etc. etc.

Okay, my current problem: Occasionally I'll meet someone I like a lot, which is rare, and then I'm really in a quandary. I'm not used to striking up casual friendships, so there's nothing easy about this for me. There's a guy I met at a contracting job recently, Martin, who really appealed to me. I'm not talking sexually, necessarily (I'm married and not looking for "discreet daytime encounters" or anything like that). We just clicked and started talking, because we were in the same situation--contract people who were basically auditioning for the same permanent radio position. We pretty much knew it was going to be either him or me, but we didn't feel competitive. We just joked around and gave each other support, and it was fun. He said he reminded me of himself when he first started out in radio, and I think I kind of developed a father-figure thing around him, though I'd be surprised if he's even ten years older than me.

Anyway, so I got a call yesterday that Martin has gone, so they need me to fill in. I'm feeling sad because I sort of feel like I edged him out, though it turns out neither of us was hired for the full-time position--I only got dibs on a part-time gig, and as I understand it, the same was offered to Martin, but he needs a full time job. So he left yesterday. I sent him an email, saying I'd like to stay in touch and have a brew sometime, but he hasn't responded and now I'm wondering if I did something wrong. I'm constantly worried about breaking social rules and making faux pas, because I'm sometimes oblivious to social cues.

I'm all worried now that Martin thinks I'm a lame dork, that I shouldn't have sent the message, that it was somehow inappropriate to communicate with him after he left. Maybe he thinks I'm coming on to him, or maybe I just barely registered to begin with. He enjoyed shooting the breeze with me, but now that I'm not around...outta sight, outta mind. Or it's possible he's so busy looking for work that he can't respond to me.

But I'll be stung by this if he doesn't answer, and it's going to make me more cautious in future. I feel like just giving up on the friendship thing. I thought it would be fun to have a new friend, and now I'm thinking: WTF! Get ahold of yourself, frosty! You're a lame loser and nobody gives a damn about you, so next time don't even bother trying.

This is too long by half, but I'd just appreciate your ideas on this...Should I keep trying to connect with him, or keep beating myself up about having risked it (it feels so good when I stop), or just move on?

Soy un perdidor

Artifice_Eternity — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:41:40 -0800

I'll be the DJ at this event. I am trying to put together a playlist with lots of songs about being a loser -- or songs that in some other way evoke high-school loserdom, nerd/geek status, etc. I'm personally partial to '80s music and electronic pop, but open to anything (and I want to mix it up). Suggestions?

How to handle losing?

misozaki — Fri, 05 May 2006 17:42:01 -0800

My son can't handle losing. Help? My eight (going on nine in June) year old son can't handle losing at games. Not only that, he can't handle making mistakes very well, either, for example, when I point out that he has made one mistake in a math homework assignment, he will get very very frustrated to the point of crying sometimes. He has always been like this ever since I can remember.
Recently, however, he got into a very big fight with some of his friends at school. Fortunately, no one was hurt too badly, but I had to call one of the other boys' mother and talk with her because my son apparently kicked the boy several times and he was shaken. I was told by his teacher that the reason for the fight was that my son and his friends were playing kickball during recess and my son's team lost, and when the boy on the winning team (the same one that got kicked) taunted my son about it, he just snapped and started what turned out to be a very violent fist fight. Now, this was during school hours so I wasn't there to see any of it, so all the information I have to go on to figure out what exactly happened are the explanations given by my son, his friend, the other kids who were there and their teacher. But my son has gotten himself into such fights before in the past, and to me it sounds like his reaction to such situations is getting worse, which worries me a lot.
To tell the truth, I used to hate losing, too, and was a very sore loser when I was his age. But I don't think I ever hit anybody or got into a physical fight because of it, and I got over it with age. But then again, I'm not and never was a boy, so I'm not sure if my experience can be compared to my son's. My husband tells me he was never like that when he was younger (initiated fights over similar reasons), so we're not sure what to think.
I think it's the physical outbursts that really worry me. I really don't want my son or his friends to get hurt, so I've tried to reason with him. I've tried punishing him (taking away his favorite pastimes for about a week or so). He always seems to understand what I'm saying to him and seems to be genuinely sorry after doing what he did, but after a couple of months of nothing happening, I get a call from his teacher telling me he's done it again. When I ask him why he did it, he tells me that he knew he shouldn't, but that he couldn't help it.
My question is, is this normal behavior for an eight-year-old boy? Do you have any suggestions as to what we could do to help my son control his emotions? Also, if you could recommend me some reading I could do on the subject, that would be helpful, too. Thank you for reading this long post, and for your help in advance.

Prom Help

C17H19NO3 — Mon, 02 May 2005 17:49:16 -0800

My high school prom is coming up. I am a senior and am going to graduate this year. I plan to go, but cannot work up the courage to ask this certain girl to go with me. I did not go to the prom my junior year, due to money problems and the fact that I didn't have a date. All the friends that I have that are female all say that I'm good looking, but they all have dates (and I have no interest in them other than being friends). So that may not be an issue for me.

The real problems are that this one girl that I'm very interested in knows me somewhat (she's a client at the tanning salon I work at after school, as well as the Blockbuster in front of the salon), so I'm not sure if I should ask her outright. The other problem is that when I do try to ask her, I completely balk as soon as I see her. I don't think she knows that I'm interested. I also have a real hard time talking to girls I like; when I do have the guts to initiate conversation, I never know what to say and feel like crap.

Any advice on what I should do and any advice on growing balls big enough to be able to ask her/talk to her, etc. would be greatly appreciated.

How to deal with a sore loser?

elgilito — Sat, 19 Feb 2005 08:47:48 -0800

How to deal with a sore loser? I've been part of the organisation committee (and a jury member) of an online computer graphics competition. The competition is now over but one competitor is raising hell in public because he's not one of the winners (there are already 25 of them out of 100). He's saying stuff like "most of the competition is crap compared to my entry". He demanded to have his entry removed from the viewing page, he's severing all links to our CG community and he took down his website in protest. I've tried to explain to him why his image didn't make it but it just made things worse. I've met the guy in real life and I really like him, and I feel that we lost a valuable (and talented) member. I just can't figure out what happened, let alone how to mend things. Any people had this sort of experience before?

Advice for the date-less

Pretty_Generic — Fri, 29 Oct 2004 14:25:29 -0800

I haven't had a date in five years. Advice?

I'm a loser, baby.

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 27 Sep 2004 15:15:14 -0800

I've never understood. Is loser an all-American, classless and politically neutral term of derision, or is it predominantly used by people who tend to place a high value on the importance of winning and success, i.e. significantly more likely to admire capitalism and be critical of more cooperative and less competitive frames of mind ? [More inside.] As opprobium goes, loser seems much stronger and more insulting in American culture than its equivalents (failure, for instance) in less competitive cultures. I get the impression it means someone who would have liked to succeed but was either not up to the challenge or incapable of making the necessary effort and is therefore somehow "pathetic" or "sad" in the contemporary colloquial British sense. Or does it include those who voluntarily declined to compete and are quite happy and comfortable with that decision?

From my particular viewpoint, I'd expect the American usage of loser to correlate loosely with the right/left political spectrum. Or are all these conjectures typically and obtusely European and is it just as universal as jerk or asshole?