Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with long

Long Distance Divorced Parents Dating Successfully?

Anonymous — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:20:33 -0800

Long distance dating between 2 single parents possible? I'm asking for my sister (who doesn't know I'm asking) because I want her to be happy but don't know if these relationships ever really work. She recently reconnected with an old friend (she says there was definite dating interest 15 years ago but it never went anywhere) a few months ago and since then they've been emailing and texting almost every day. They each have two kids, mid-teens and have both been divorced for about 5 years. She hasn't dated much since the divorce (busy with the kids, little interest). Neither has he, according to what he tells her. He writes that he enjoys speaking with her and she asked him if he thought it would be a good idea if she came to his town and their kids could hang out (my sister is pretty cagey and scared about rejection, obviously). He responded she should come and they could dump the kids and have their own playdate, which she thought was nice. I don't want her getting hurt; she's my sis. So collective wisdom, can this type of relationship between divorced parents about a 3 hour drive away from each other work out well?

Long Tail Theory

nam3d — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 09:07:47 -0800

Where can I learn more about the theory behind The Long Tail? I've read the book but want something more than just examples. Books, papers, blog posts, etc all accepted.

Long Distance Love Affair

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:10:55 -0800

several years ago I met a man and we had a brief relationship. We've maintained a friendship through other relationships. We have both always been honest about our attraction to each other but live a few hours drive away from each other. Recently my circumstances changed and as it happens we are both available. We both are interested in seeing each other and he said he'd be willing to move as an eventuality if things work out. As it stands with our jobs it works out so that technically we could see one another twice a month if we wanted to. I have a few questions for the hive, what are ways people in a long distance relationship can stay close, Has anyone out there had a successful transition after moving in together, and has anyone not tried and regretted it? We've both been hurt and we have an amazing friendship. He as always been more open to a relationship than I have. I feel I'm a realist he feels like I'm afraid to take a chance. It is true I am uncomfortable with losing control and our relationship is very intense. I have to be honest and say that I have always loved him but I'm afraid one of us will get hurt.

Long Island rocketship?

Morrigan — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 20:10:55 -0800

Inspired by this question, I'd like to determine what playground I loved to be taken to in the late 1960s, early 1970s on Long Island, probably in Nassau County. The most salient feature was a climb-on rocket ship. Was it at Jones Beach?

Online romance makeing me feel nervous, advice please?

audio — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 01:10:02 -0800

I'm involved in an internet romance that is takeing a major toll on my direction in life and frankly makeing me feel nervous. I need advice in regards to how to be realistic with this relationship. I am 21 and this boy I am involved with is 22. We met on MySpace through a mutual friend nearly two years ago. Since then we have kept up alot of correspondence by talking on a skype video chat nearly daily.

He lives in California, USA. I live in Alberta, Canada. He is proposeing that I make a trip after I graduate college to see him this fall.

Since I will be fresh out of school, this will require all my remaining funds leaveing me broke. I'd probably only be able to stay maxium two weeks then I'd have to return back to Canada and look for work and save up to return again (if I choose to).

We have been talking about me trying to move there instead of just visiting, since that amount of time probably wont be long enough for us. We're talked about trying to find me a job while I'm there so that I can actually stay. I will be a certified Network Administrator, and though I have a decent resume I predict that it will be somewhat of a hell to find a job and get a work visa.

Just a couple random facts:

- I'm pretty much in love with the guy but I have never physically met him in real life.
- We have always got along and my r/l friends are mutal friends with him and know him as a decent person.
- I never wanted to live in California, I'm not much of a city type person.
- He's never offered me a place to stay/move in with him because he just crashes at friends places as hes currently "homeless".
- He's never offered to support me in any way, as he makes an income but it isn't sufficient to support two people.
- He is a musician that is signed to a major record label and making his way in the industry. There is no way he can move from California without giving up his entire career.
- My parents are retired out in Arizona so worse case I have a place to fall back to.
- He's never been able to visit me in Canada because of his kind of work.

My question to Metafilter is,

- How can we make compromises so that both of us are happy with this arrangement?
- Are we moving too fast and if so what is the right way to progress with this relation?
- Are we getting ahead of our self? am I setting myself up for failure?

I really like this guy and I want to see this relationship work out, I'm sure he does too...but we are young and don't really know what the next best thing to do is. Thanks.

Upcoming one-time/long term expense calculator?

furtive — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:36:47 -0800

How to calculate how much to set aside each paycheck for multiple upcoming one-time/long term expenses? I keep a list of upcoming one-time expenses and their dates, for example:

car insurance, $500, Sept 09
winter tires, $600, Nov 09
dentist, $300, Dec 09

I'd like to have a simple calculator that tells me how much I should be putting aside each paycheck (I get paid twice a month) so that as each date comes up I can just take that money out knowing that I'll still eventually have enough for the next payment. Bonus points if it can tell me how my deposits will vary as I work my way down the list. Extra bonus points it it can be done in Excel.

So, in the above example:
-my total expenses is $1400
-my dentist bill is split over 12 payments of $25
-my tires are split over 10 payments of $60
-my insurance is split over 6 payments of $84
-until the end of Sept I'd set aside $169 a paycheck
-then until the end of Nov I'd set aside $85 a paycheck
-then until the end of Dec I'd set aside $25 a paycheck, with the numbers changing as I add additional long term expenses.

Do I tell my ex how I feel?

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:33:02 -0800

My ex-boyfriend is moving out of the state and things feel unresolved. I don't want to regret not expressing my thoughts, but am worried my unloading on him pre-move is unfair. He broke up with me a year ago (after being together for over three) and while we both dated other people afterwards (me much more seriously than him), there's still a lot of things that were never worked out in terms of what happened. At the time, we were on a short break, in which I moved out. After a couple of weeks, he couldn't do it anymore but wasn't ready to get back together either, so he broke up with me. We've talked and seen one another about half a dozen times and email occasionally. He admits he still loves me.

We are one another's first loves. I'm 30, he's 29. I'm not sure if I just don't know how to deal with being broken up with when I'm still in love with that person, or if I should be making a last ditch effort to see if it could work.

The biggest problem is that he's moving very soon and could potentially start dating a girl he's been talking to that lives where he's going. (He told me about her, though seemed to come up with excuses that made it sound pretty casual). He's also said many times that he'd most likely not be out there more than a year.

I'm at a loss. I don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or spill my guts. I accept that he's leaving, I guess I just want to know if we have a chance sometime in the future.

Please make me a better letter writer!

SkylitDrawl — Sat, 16 May 2009 20:02:04 -0800

My partner and I have broken up because of a move but have decided to correspond with one another through handwritten letters. Please help me be a better letter writer! For the first time in my life, I am sending handwritten letters through the mail. My partner is graduating from the school we attend together and is moving across the state from me for work. Neither of us really dig the idea of committed long distance relationships, so we have decided to break up. In a year, I may move to join him in the city he will be working in, but I don't really know for sure. I feel like a year is a really long time, and I know that a lot could change in that time. However, in the year between now and then, we intend to correspond with each other via handwritten letters. Neither of us are fans of the phone, IMing seems very ordinary and like what simple friends would do. We both love to receive mail but never get letters and it seems like a very romantic idea, so we've gone for it wholeheartedly.

Despite the break up and the move, I still really care very deeply for this man. I think he cares similarly for me. These letters are the main way that I communicate with him now, so making sure they are of high quality is important to me. I tend to send him a letter per week and letter writing has been very fun for me so far. However, I can't help but think that I could make these letters and packages a little... better? More interesting? His letters come with fantastic doodles in the margins. I can't draw anything beyond stick figures, so similar doodling is out. What sort of fun items can I include in my letters and packages that would make them feel more heartfelt or interesting? What I'm thinking of is along the lines of suggestions of fun, simple items that I could find in the course of my weekly life, or really cheap things that I could buy over the Internet (little things off etsy could work here - vintage postcards, maybe?) that I could include in my letters to make him smile and perhaps keep me in his memory throughout the day. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Also, I have heard that it is possible to create a wax seal out of crayons. I have lots of old crayons in almost every color imaginable and I know he would get a real kick out of a handmade crayon wax seal. Does anyone know how to do this? Help would be much appreciated.

Leaving.

Anonymous — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:56:20 -0800

I'm graduating. I'm leaving my girlfriend and will be far away from her, and we both don't have the option to be close for the next two years. Hence, it's ending. Any advice for feeling better? It varies recently... we decided about a week ago that it makes sense to break up when I leave. She's going abroad (the other side of the planet) next semester, and I have a job a few hours from school. She's a sophomore, and we've been dating for a semester, and it's the best we've ever experienced, happy and healthy and fun. I love her, not in the tragic Romeo&J sense, or in the must-marry sense (I hate those sense), but in the this-is-a-person-I-love sense.

But we're going our ways, and it makes sense to go those ways and remember this as a wonderful time instead of hanging on and this possibly becoming one of those strained relationships that flickers out. I think in a year I might look back and say it's the right decision, but it's damn hard to think right now.

I'd like to tell her that, in two years, if she's in the area and would like, we could get tea or something. Is that a bad idea?

I feel okay recently when I'm with her or with friends, but alone I start to feel apocalyptic. I hate that we're already talking about 'our relationship' in the past tense.

Part of asking this is just in the asking, but please, I'd appreciate any words of wisdom in this situation. I know that the rest of my life won't be tragic and terrible, but leaving the best relationship behind as well as lots of other friendships (and constantly being reassured that since I have a high-paying job, I should be happy) is killing me a little.

Thanks.

Well worth it or just a waste of time?

afabulousbeing — Thu, 07 May 2009 11:36:11 -0800

Will taking the saying "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" too seriously lead a person to self-sabotage, specifically when they know the affair is doomed from the start? Okay, I'm seeing two men. One is showing clear signs of interest, strikes me as completely adorable and is even-keeled personality-wise. I've been dating him for a few weeks, and both his behavior and words suggest that he's interested in a serious relationship. Then there's him. The other guy. He's like no one I've ever met - brilliant, complex, deeply spiritual, artistic, expressive, etc. We've professed mutual intense feelings for each other during the past month over email and during a handful of meetings. There are a few problems however. He just so happens to be moving across the country in a month and is currently too overwhelmed with his work responsibilities to spend much time with me. It's my private opinion that he could feasibly find 20 minutes to a half hour per day, at the very least, to spend with me if he really wanted to, but I recognize that it also makes little sense for us to pursue something that's already set to end.

I don't know that I'm actually in love with him or that I will ever be, but I've also never been sexually involved with someone I was in love with before - the great tragedy of my life, you could say. The thing is, because I was so excited about him and everything that he represented, I already purchased a roundtrip plane ticket (per his request) to the city he'll be moving to. The plan is that I will go stay with him for a week or so, during which time we will presumably spend much time alone together.

This returns me finally to the first guy I mentioned. He's not going anywhere and I suspect that I'm legitimately beginning to like him, but if things progress I'm unsure what to do about my planned rendevous with the other guy who's so inspired me. Furthermore, if I do end up going and then find myself falling in love during my visit, is it okay? Should I allow it to happen? Is there anything good to be said about something so temporary?

womens pants length long

eeyore — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 01:35:12 -0800

Where, within the 128 belt around Boston, MA can you buy washable women's plain front chino type pants in length long (34)? Where, within the 128 belt around Boston, can you buy washable women's plain front chino type pants in length long (34)? I know you can get them mailorder from several places but I want to try them on and buy them this weekend. I've seen long bell-bottoms (horror) in some stores. I just want normal straight leg pants. I would even be willing to take down the hem, if only they had generous enough hems.

What is with this nutty size deflation? Last year I was size 4. This year, same body, size 0?

Options for medium-term pet care?

jpg15 — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:17:51 -0800

What are my options for caring for 2 cats while I'm out of the country for months at a time? I have 2 cats who I care for well and have plenty of affection for. Unfortunately, I've taken a job that will involve sporadic periods of travel, lasting 3-6 months. Besides asking a close friend or neighbor for (several) really big favors, what other options to I have?

How to curb the degree of loneliness?

LilSoulBrother85 — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 06:55:00 -0800

What to do when the degree of lonliness is too much? I am in a long distance relationship which is starting to get to me. I'm trying to make friends here but it's very hard to do in the DC metro area. Do you guys have any suggestion in keeping one occupied? I am gay male in a long distance relationship with a boyfriend. He lives in the west coast and I live in the east coast which makes calling each other a pain the behind.

He left November 2008 and I was strong until late January 2009. His absent started to get to me and made the weekends frustratingly lonely.

I've met one person online as friends but it did not work out because of conflicting world views. I met another person recently through CL and he seems like a nice person. However, he has lived here all his life and has more friends and obligations.

Also, I've befriended my roommate (I live with three other people) and his girlfriend, but I tread carefully not to be their third wheel.

Basically, I'm at the point of frustration of the rut I'm in. I don't want to appear desperate, but at the same time I don't want act like I don't need company. My boyfriend is constantly worried about me which I wish he wouldn't because he has a tough work schedule.

Taking a "break".

Anonymous — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 07:22:05 -0800

[relationship filter] How to manage a "break"/"open relationship"? I met my girlfriend during senior year in college (fall of '07) while she was a sophomore. For both of us, it was our first serious relationship--I was a virgin before we met, and she had only been with a few guys before (but never in any sort of established relationship). After I graduated, she spent the summer in my home city (summer '08, in a separate apartment)--it was great, we spent nearly every evening together after working our separate jobs, and spent the weekends showing her around my hometown.

At the end of the summer, we decided we would try out a long-distance arrangement, as I was entering law school in a town about 1000 miles away from my alma mater where she would still be a junior. We managed to see each other about every 5 weeks after august of this past year. It was obviously frustrating at times since we remained exclusive, but we both felt committed enough to want to keep our relationship going. For me, this arrangement was great, as I had little time away from the books and didn't need the distraction of being single and on the prowl.

We spent last week together in her hometown, and decided at the end to take "a break". She's going abroad to europe, while I'll be in my second semester of law school. At this point, neither of us is prepared to get married, but we've also sort of hit a brick wall as far as commitment. Everything about our relationship works great--we've never had a fight in our 13 months together, we have great chemistry, same values, enjoy each other's families--we very easily could be a happily married couple one day. The only problem is our geographic separation for the next few years (unless i transfer law schools for next fall) and the fact that she's still in college, while I'm buckling down in law school.

I want her to have a full experience abroad without feeling tied down. She knows that I've had some minor issues with the (small) discrepancy in our previous sexual partners--my 0 to her 2 or 3. We mutually agreed on taking this break--we both came into the conversation with simmilar ideas--but both are uncomfortable with its implications despite the fact that we both feel its what's best for now. Given our relative inexperience in relationships, our age and our respective places in life, neither of us feels ready for marriage. We both agree that we need this space as an opportunity to figure out what it is we want moving forward.

Are we making the right decision here in giving each other some space given our circumstances? We both are very much still in love with each other, but feel unable to move forward. We both intend on keeping in close communication while she's abroad, but will operate under a "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding whatever we're doing outside of our relationship. We can see each other at the end of may at the earliest if we intend to keep things going, but will not likely be able to spend the summer together (I'll likely be working again in my home city, she's understandably reluctant to return for a second summer in my city wanting to be back in her own). After that, I can try transferring in the fall to my undergrad alma mater's law school, but this is in no way a for sure option.

can we make this work?

Long distance marriage troubles

midwestguy — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:31:21 -0800

My long distance marriage is starting to crumble. I don't know what to do. Any comments would be of assistance. Long story inside Ok, let me try to boil this down to the essentials. I'm 42. I got divorced, and then remarried to a woman I had met online. She lives half the country away from me (i'm in the midwest, she is on the west coast). Prior to the marriage, the plan was that she would live with me from spring to fall, and when it got cold out, she would stay with family out west. She has never lived in the cold, and doesn't want to start now. The length of time she has stayed with me has varied, and this past summer she stayed with me for two months (that is the longest in 6 years worth of dating and marriage). I can't move west becasue I have two children in middle school/elementary, and I don't feel like I could be a father to them from that distance. My wife works part time, while in California. I work full time.

She has said on many occasions that she doesn't think I take care of her enough, and that she feels like she rates below my kids, since I live near them, and not near her. She has one son of her own that lives in the same state as I am in, but she is not close to him (he lives with her ex). I'd love to take care of her, but since she won't come live with me, it is difficult to do from a distance. I call her several times a day, and we talk for several hours each night. I stay up late to talk to her in the evening.

I fly out to see her every month to 6 weeks when she is not staying with me (about 9 times a year). A typical stay is 3-5 days. This is pretty much the limit of how much time I can take off and is all (and then some) that my budget can afford.

Last night, things kind of hit the fan. She is in a stressful situation with the health of some family members. When I talked to her last night, she was clearly spoiling for a fight, and was working at pushing my buttons (example: she said she feels alone, and I told her I did too, and that I missed her very much. she answered that I seemed to be just fine).

As things progressed, I told her that I felt she was starting to be insulting (she says things like "while she was here, the only thing she liked at all in two months was seeing me", and that she hates having my kids around as much as they are).

I said I was sorry she had so much hate for here, and for my kids, etc. Her reply was that she didn't hate my kids, she hated me with my kids. I was very offended and told her to Fuck off and hung up the phone. Not a very mature response to be sure, but this has come up many times before. She thinks a dad should not be active in his kids' life, and that seeing them at Xmas and in the summer would be enough (and that I should live out west and visit them that way).

She followed up with an email saying "how dare I be so cold when she is stressed out over her family members health, and a real man would be taking care of his wife".

To sum up a long long sordid tale, the smart, funny, beautiful woman I married and whom I love very much is full of anger because I won't move away from my kids. she won't move away from warm weather (and likes to be near her folks). The stress over time is shaking us apart. Please, me-fites, I could really use some advice.

Bad timing. Chance of getting back together with my first love?

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:18:01 -0800

Sigh* here goes fellow MeFi(ers). It's time for another backstory, thank you in advance for your patience. You guys are the best. So my girlfriend of a little over 2 years just broke up with me. The first year we were in college together, the second year I graduated and she was still in school. We were long distance for about 200miles. Surprisingly, that long distance worked because we got to see each other almost every other weekend. Now however, I moved to the other side of the country (3000miles apart) for wanting a career change. My move coincided with her becoming a senior in college. We made sure to keep a goal that once she graduated (1year) we would finally be reunited again. Prior to my move we had a discussion and we were very serious about staying together. This is when things got harder than normal because we would only see each other 5-6weeks. In general, she's a very emotional person and her feelings tend to follow a pattern of drifting away the weeks we're apart. (She grew up with family issues of neglect and add to the fact she dated really bad boyfriends in her past) She would randomly lose all feelings for me and not understand why. On top of all this, she's currently a senior in college and has NEVER been so busy in her entire life. The combination of her school work load and school club responsibilities she's been extremely stressed out lately.

The good news was that every time we would see each other she would feel better and things would return to normal. But then we'd separate again and she'd begin to lose feelings for me again. One day (last time we physically saw each other was 5weeks ago) she finally made the decision to break up with me. When I asked why, main reason being she lost feelings for me and she's tired of constantly trying to fight it. We saw each other 2-3 days after the breakup (due to a previously purchased and scheduled plane ticket) at the end of the trip she said her feelings didn't come back. I tried explaining that this would pass like all the other times it has passed. But she didn't want to keep fighting and trying anymore.

So here are my real question(s)! I know I have to let her go. If she doesn't want me anymore there's not much I can do. Has anyone been in a similar situation where you felt like stress and distance ended the relationship? and not so much of actual problems with the relationship itself. Granted, we weren't a perfect couple and we had our own relationship problems. But nothing of the type that would end it. Once she graduates she will most likely move to the city I am living (not because of me, but because she always wanted to). I keep hoping and believing we will get back together because she'll finally be away from all the crazy stress and we can be physically close again. Am i being stupid and postbreakup emotional here? Am i holding onto false hope? She's going to graduate in 6months. No matter what, I know I have to expect the worst. We may never reunite. It just hurts and I feel like the stress of her circumstances brought about a decision she will later regret. So I'm holding onto some hope.

Also, does anyone else have stories of couples reuniting after a break? THANK YOU all for your patience.

How do I find my Polish grandfather

sien — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 02:34:21 -0800

My father and his mother were separated from his father by events in WWII in Poland. I'd like to find him. I've tried a few things but would much appreciate more help. Are there any Polish Mefites out there or anyone who has searched for people who are probably dead. My grandfather was a Psychiatrist in Poland who was in the Polish Army who managed to survive the war. He sought a divorce from my grandmother after the war but was at least alive in 1950. I have his birth date and know what he was in life and have one web page that refers to him. But beyond this I don't have anything.

I've called the Polish consulate in my city but they were pretty unhelpful. I've looked online for services that have records but they all look dodgy. Some may not be, but all of them look poor. Are there any reliable services that find people like this? Are there any in Poland?

I don't speak Polish so web searching is heavily curtailed.

Any help would be appreciated.

Long Tall Weekend

LSK — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:10:27 -0800

I want to accomplish something over a long weekend. I have off of school until Tuesday, and for the first time in years I have no impending assignments. I want to accomplish something, but I don't really have any ongoing projects either. Any ideas?

I'm confused why my girlfriend has so suddenly lost all feelings for me?

HBomb — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:31:15 -0800

Girlfriend has suddenly lost all feelings for me and doesn't know why. We've been dating for 2years (I'm 23, she's 21) and she recently called the day before my birthday to tell me that she's suddenly lost all feelings for me. We've been in a long distance for about a year now and we call each other everyday. I respect her and treat her very well.

She's even told me she doesn't know where it's coming from or why and she's equally frustrated as I am about it. (I know she's not cheating on me) She's had similar feelings in the past and they usually go away after a day. But this time it's been going on for 3 days.

I just don't know what to do, it's frustrating to the both of us. Has anyone else had similar situations? How did you get through it? Why does this happen? I know we're in a long distance relationship but com'on, to suddenly lose all feelings in one day for NO reason?

What do you like about your neighborhood & community in the LA/greater LA area?

tinygiant — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:17:29 -0800

For those of you who live in LA or the greater LA area (Long Beach, especially) -- what do you enjoy most about your neighborhood, and how have you created a personal space for yourself in this sprawling city? I am currently a court reporting student, 27 years old, single, and live in the suburbs with family to save money. I *can't wait* until i'm actually licensed, which I'm guessing will be in about a year, and want to look into different agencies now so that I can possibly work for them even before I can start reporting.

I want to live in a place with lots of life and community and want to base my search for agencies around this. I'll have some flexibility, to be sure, because you take depositions from all over and aren't actually restricted to the area you live in, but ... I guess I'm a little impatient and would love to start looking into possibilities of where i'll be able to live now. :-)

Would love to hear how you've created your own personal community, how you've met new people, what kinds of people you've met, what you like/don't like about your neighborhood ... any details you care to share on how your neighborhood suits you and how you've had to adjust to it. AND, if you've lived in any other bigger city, how it compares as far as creating your own community.

Is my relationship the titanic about to hit an iceberg?

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:41:03 -0800

I love my boyfriend but I fear we aren't compatible for the long term. How to know if it these are things that are important enough to justify breaking up sooner rather than later... I'm going to try to make this thorough as it is anonymous and I can't really reply to questions (though I have made a gmail account if you want to email me and ask questions: is.love.enough@gmail.com)

- I'm 26, he's 27
- we've been dating for 7 months
- we get along well, have a good time together and have shared interests
- we have a pretty good balance of spending time together alone, spending time apart, and spending time together with our friends

Where things get a bit sticky are:
- We have very different ways of approaching things and thinking. I have been brought up to always think of the future and the long term consequences of every decision (hence this question, ha ha), where he only thinks in the short term and rarely things of long term effects. (ie. He needs to rent an apartment, gets a year long lease that is more than his budget can afford, but, well, he had to get an apartment so what was he supposed to do? He can surely find a way to afford it, I just worry too much...) This habit of "act first, consider later" worries (and frankly irritates) me to no end and I am concerned what it would mean for decisions that would affect us both....

- I grew up fairly affluent (professional parents, big house, live-in nanny and a house keeper, etc), he grew at the complete other end of the spectrum (on/below the poverty line). This wouldn't matter in the slightest except when it comes to what we expect our lives to look like in the future... veeeerrrrrry different life expectations. I fully expect/intend/demand to live a comfortable financial life where I would be able to provide fully for my children, go on trips every few years, not have to worry about going out to dinner a couple times a month, not have to worry about bills every month, etc. The life he is currently setting himself up for is not even close to that. He is two years out of school and hasn't made a single payment on his student loan. That, to me, is insanity, especially since he is working at a job that severely underpays him and doesn't allow him to make payments, and yet he intends to keep working there for another year... which brings me to my next worry....

- He is a chronic settler. His habit seems to be to settle for situations that are unsatisfactory. I suspect (and he has basically confirmed it when we talked about it) that it is because growing up they generally had to take what they could get, and their expectations were kept low. This is causing problems now, though. He proposed to an ex-girlfriend even though he (and his friends who were there during that relationship) has said that he was unhappy in that relationship. And right now he is settling for working at a job that he doesn't enjoy, has no benefits (including vacation pay despite it being legally required), and that underpays him significantly. Yet his plan is to 'stick it out' for another year because it is kinda in his field. He thinks maybe he'll go back to school, but is unsure so he is burning years and getting more in debt. It drives me nuts too because he is a smart guy and he has so much more potential than he demonstrates. I get really anxious about debt and am intentionally living really cheaply so that I will have my OWN student loan paid off before I'm 30. His slightly "oh well"-ish attitude towards debt terrifies me. I think we would forever fight about money.

So in summary:
- He is a lovely man, treats me really well, and I love him
- He never thinks of long term consequences or the implications of his decisions, and because of that frequently gets into pickles
- He is setting himself up for a very uncomfortable life financially, and I am not prepared for that
- He is too keen to put up and deal with unsatisfactory situations, especially with an unsatisfactory career where he is capable of SO MUCH MORE because he is a really smart guy

I don't want to imply I am without fault or that I am somehow some perfect angel of a girlfriend. I have flaws and guaranteed I do things that bother him as well. I am just concerned that these differences are things that are going cause a whole lot of problems in the future. I also don't want to be one of those girls who go into relationships expecting their boyfriends to change dramatically. It is unfair to him and it would be really unrealistic and unavoidably disappointing for me.

I do love him, but you hear so many stories of people who were aware of issues early in the relationship, hoped they would work themselves out, and then ultimately break up in a much more messy and painful way than it would have been if they broke up earlier....

So what is the hive mind's option? Am I over thinking? Is love enough to avoid these hurtles? Should we break up now while it is amicable, or should we wait to see if it gets messy in case it doesn't? Anyone been in a similar situation where they know what the problems are but hope that they won't matter?

And please.... no comments like "poor little rich girl" or "you can make enough money for the both of you" etc. I have worked since I was 14 including all through university, everything I own I have paid for myself, because my parents made very sure that my siblings and I are all fully self sufficient, had a strong sense of the value of money, and ensured we are all able support ourselves fully.

Long distance cell phones between Hamilton and Peterborough

ndicecco — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:16:38 -0800

My girlfriend and I are going to different universities in the fall - hers in Peterborough, mine in Hamilton. What should we do about long distance phone calls? Since the cell phone world seems to change every year, I didn't find any previous posts that were very helpful.

Neither of us have ever had cell phones... so it may be time that we left the stone age. It would be nice to have a phone we could take with us, considering that we both have very active lifestyles. The drawback, of course, is that cell phone companies in Canada are apparently evil.

Based on the research I've done so far, the Telus Share plan looks like our best option. Should we be wary? Are there better options?

I think Voip would be the cheapest way to go, since the basic idea is unlimited long distance between us (it would be nice to call our parents in Toronto and Vancouver once in awhile too)... but I have no idea where to go to set that up in either Hamilton or Peterborough.

Other things to know:

-she doesn't care about what phone she uses. I would like something I could sync with my Mac. The iPhone hits Canada in July...
-local outgoing calls would be minimal: 100 minutes/month each should suffice
-texting between us would be nice, but not necessary
-local texting doesn't really matter

Any advice on long distance plans, cell phone companies, voip, or even landlines would be useful.

Mummy, why is that man wearing a shirt dress?

oxford blue — Sun, 25 May 2008 20:43:25 -0800

Shirt too long to wear untucked—what to do? Or just hang with it. I've recently bought a few 'L' size Ralph Lauren casual long-sleeve button down shirts off eBay; while they're all very impressive, they are very long. Long like they look like a bizarre male night-dress long. So much so that I'm think I can't really wear them untucked, which I'd prefer to do. Their length is fine if I want to wear them tucked in (for more formal/dressier situations), but as an overweight guy tucked shirts plus pants equals belly issues! So on the whole I'd prefer to wear shirts untucked. I'm young as well, which lends one more to untucked shirts also.

As such, is it possible to have them taken up ('hemmed'? is that the word?)? Roughly, like what I'd do if I had some pants that were too long.

Or is the length just part of the 'RL appeal', and as such people will not laugh at me if I wear them untucked (and coming down to my mid-thighs) when I'm out and about? I have a few polo shirts that are longer in the back flap/vent, so maybe it's all about length?

Crossing America..

bobbyone — Fri, 23 May 2008 04:16:11 -0800

Me and three friends are flying out to drive across America, mainly following the old Route 66. I have two main questions: 1) What's worth seeing on this route? 2) What should we be wary of? Also, any other advice is more than appreciated.

peas in a pod

diode — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:04:25 -0800

I'm riding with a stranger for 10 hours in a small car. What are some ways I can make the ride go easier, be more fun and enjoyable for both parties? I've arranged on craigslist for a ride down I-5 from Oregon to the Bay Area. The driver is a married woman, presumably in her thirties. I'm male, heading down there for the weekend to do some business.

There's the potential for it to feel a little awkward, being in a pod with a stranger for 10 hours, maybe 20 if we do the return trip together. How can I lighten it up so things go well?

I know I can pretty much eliminate such tactics as shooting Silly String all over the car, or showing off my appendectomy scar (just a joke...I don't have such a thing).

I know I could bring a book, some snacks, my iPod and disappear mostly since I don't have to drive. I'm also considering taking some Benadryl and conking out as much as possible.

On the other hand, I'm considering bringing a list of jokes just to create some laughter. I've been thinking of trying to spend the trip conversing and learning about this person, creating some personal interaction so you come away feeling like you've really learned something new.

I guess it all depends on the other person as well. For all I know, they may want to 'just drive' and want me to 'just be quiet'.

So, if you've been in this situation, how did you behave and what ways might I create this to be a fun interaction if that's an option on the menu.