Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with livingtogether

Separation or divorce while continuing to live together?

Anonymous — Tue, 19 May 2009 12:58:01 -0800

Is it possible to get started on an amicable divorce or separation agreement while still living together? She cheated on me, we tried to fix it but we can't, now I want out. Late 20s, married 2 years, no kids, no major shared assets. We live in a two bedroom apartment and she's more or less moved into the extra room since I discovered the affair a few months ago. We've been in counseling since before I found out but nothing is working and I know now that I'd be happier without her. We still get along most of the time but the trust is broken forever and I'll never look at her the same way again. We'd both like to be friends once the dust settles. I don't make a lot of money and she's unemployed. I feel like the best way to transition into single life given our circumstances would be to ask for a separation or divorce but remain living together while we sort out the details, separate our finances, continue going to couples therapy, give 2 months notice on our apartment etc... Is this realistic? Could we be roommates for a little while before heading off in separate directions? It feels like the alternative is throwing her out or me leaving on short notice and both of those things would be very difficult emotionally and financially for both of us. Our first opportunity to get out of our lease would involve giving notice by the end of May and being out by Aug 1. Also, for financial and emotional reasons I'd like to do this in a non-adversarial way and without lawyers if at all possible. We don't have a lot of "Us" stuff besides wedding gifts so I think we could separate our assets fairly amicably. We're in Ontario FWIW.

But what do couples actually do in the evenings?

LyzzyBee — Thu, 14 May 2009 03:35:09 -0800

Mr LyzzyBee and I have been living together for a good few years. I feel we spend too much time apart on our separate hobbies. He thinks no-one spends that much time together these days, apart from watching TV etc. I think we should come away from the telly and do something where we're interacting with each other. And I don't mean intimate stuff, I mean things to do, fully dressed, downstairs or outside. So - what do established couples, no kids, actually *do* in the weekday evenings? Hobbies - typically of an evening he'll watch an hour of TV downstairs while I do BookCrossing stuff / reading / exercise. Dinner together. Then he watches another 1-1.5 hours of TV while I do BookCrossing, emails etc. Then he comes up and we watch a TV prog upstairs or listen to a taped radio show or some such. I will have got any housework stuff done in the hour or so between me getting home and him getting home. This is in the week. Weekends we are trying for more trips out etc.

Hope this isn't chat filter - it is an issue in our relationship that we feel we need to resolve!

Should I tell my parents I'm shacking up?

Anonymous — Tue, 05 May 2009 07:56:52 -0800

Should I tell my fundamentalist Christian parents, who live on the other side of the country, that I'm shacking up with my girlfriend? If so, how? Warning: long. My parents are fundamentalist Christians who were aghast that, when I visited my long-distance girlfriend, I stayed at her house rather than in a hotel. Now she is moving here and we're going to get a new place together. I can only imagine the conniption from my parents that will ensue. To give you an example of what they're like, when I stayed at her place, my dad considered that to be "shacking up" (huh?) and my mom asked me if there was anything she'd done that had "caused me to lose my moral compass." (I am not a regular churchgoer and haven't been since I moved out on my own, although my dad is only now beginning to understand that I am not merely a lapsed Christian but am basically not religious at all. But my mom had still thought I was at least a good person until I did that... she was really disappointed.) Like many Christians of their generation, they both seem really focused on what other people will think of them, not just what the Bible tells them to do.

My girlfriend understands the situation and has very generously offered to let me pretend she doesn't live there when I talk to my parents. The trouble is, my parents and I have a scheduled weekly phone call to catch up with each other. At some point I will either let it slip or else find myself in a situation in which I can't be elusive and must outright lie to one of my parents, which makes me uncomfortable. Plus, of course, this feels like I'm ashamed of my girlfriend, which I am definitely not; my gut feeling is that it does not serve our relationship well to hide her from anyone.

Also, my sister and her husband will be visiting here eventually, and it's inevitable that they'll meet her. My sister is not an idiot and will figure it out even if my girlfriend's not in the house. They are both Christians as well, but they're not hardliners like Mom and Dad (my sister, for example, has been known to have a beer from time to time). They probably won't care too much that I've shacked up, but I don't expect them to keep my secrets for me. However, it is unlikely that my parents will visit anytime soon.

Despite the fact that it is often frustrating dealing with them, I love both my parents and don't want to hurt them unnecessarily, especially since they are quite old and set in their ways. There is zero chance I would be able to change their mind about the issue or avoid hurting them. My girlfriend has tried to help me by casting this as a "protect them from the world the way you would protect a child" thing, which doesn't quite satisfy.

As it happens, my dad will be out of town over Memorial Day weekend, which will mean I'll be talking to just my mom that Saturday. She is the more tolerant and intelligent of the two of them and she has told me that she will love me no matter what I do, even if she disapproves of it. So one option is to tell her then and let her break it to him; I am pretty sure she has successfully softened him up in times past.

My dad, on the other hand, has given me mixed messages -- at one visit he told me if I ever shacked up with someone, I'd not speak to him or see him again, although more recently he has said that he too will love me no matter what. And perhaps he's gotten over the shock of me "shacking up" since in his mind, I've done it already.

Part of me is, frankly, OK with not seeing him again; it would make my life easier in a lot of ways. He spent a three-year period some time ago telling everyone he was going to die soon, so I have steeled myself for the day I wouldn't be able to talk to him anymore. Actually, I was kind of waiting for that to happen so I could get on with my life without worrying about what he thinks, but he's in fine health and will probably live to be a hundred.

I'm ashamed to say it, but I'm not some twenty-something; I'm 40! It galls me that I've spent this long living my life in a futile attempt to satisfy my father. I feel like I've given up so many things that could have made me happy just to avoid his disapproval. I have, in the past, actually broken off relationships that might have been really good because I knew my father would never approve of the woman in question. (She was the wrong race, wasn't conventionally pretty, not religious enough...) I moved thousands of miles away from my parents about 10 years ago with the intent of getting out from under his thumb -- and here I am, middle-aged, still squirming.

Like any son, I crave my father's approval. But time has shown me that I won't get it; anything I do will be wrong in some way. (For example, my sister attends church, but it's the "wrong" church. Same fundamentalist denomination, just "too liberal.") I feel I owe it to my girlfriend and myself to get past this issue and live my life the way I see fit. As an aside, then, if you have any helpful suggestions on how to do that, I would be happy to hear them.

So, hive mind, what do you think? Should I drop the bomb, and if so, how should I aim it? One option I have considered is to tell them she has moved to the area, so at least I wouldn't have to hide the fact that I'm doing things with her, but omit the living-together part for now. I have also considered trying to do away with the weekly phone call, and switch to talking to my parents only when one or the other of us have news we want to share. Both of these would make the pretending option somewhat more tenable, though I still don't like it much. Am I being selfish by wanting to be honest with my parents even though I know the truth about my life will hurt them?

How can me and my girlfriend successfully live together in a small place?

ORthey — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:41:29 -0800

Help me and my girlfriend combine our two lives into one small apartment (mine)! My girlfriend will be moving in with me at the end of the summer (September 1st or thereabouts), and though we are both extremely excited, we are concerned about the space. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, where I have lived alone for the past two years. It's a great size for one person, but will be challenging for two. I don't have the square footage, but it consists of a smallish living room, tiny kitchen, a medium-sized bedroom, and a bathroom. We will eventually move to a bigger place when we can afford it, but for now, that's not an option.

I'm looking for tips and advice on how to do this successfully, on how to physically combine our things and live together in a way that will maximize our chances of making it work in a small space. We'd love creative storage ideas (especially for clothes), suggestions for products that could help, etc.

Some deets:

- I have a small closet filled with junk... at her place, she has a closet maybe three times the size of mine, also filled. I can get rid of some stuff, and so can she, but not a ton. I don't have any other storage to speak of, at least in the conventional sense.
- I have several musical instruments lying around.
- Not much space under the bed, but a little.
- Her dresser, which is beautiful and is something she's attached to, is very large.
- This is in Berkeley, California.

Thanks! Please ask if I left out any important details. Also, I tried as best I could to search for a question like this but came up empty. If you know of one please link to it!

Renters Insurance for cohabitating couple

matildaben — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:09:43 -0800

My SO and I (unmarried) are combining two apartments into one. We both currently have renters insurance of our own, each from our own car insurance company (not the same company). We are not interested in combining our car insurance under one account. Should we get renters insurance for both of us from one of our car insurance companies, or should we each retain our separate renters insurance that covers "my own stuff"?

Should I move out of boyfriend's, and into best friend's?

Elysum — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:08:16 -0800

How bad a faux pas would it be to move out of a (multi-person) shared house with a new but lovely boyfriend, and into my best friend's house instead? A FWB, became a housemate, and in the last few months, a boyfriend. Despite some initial confusion, everything seems to be going really well.

But. A room has finally come open in my best friend's house.
Best friend... sounds so highschool?
This is the person I would most like to hang with, travel with, live with, and according to the old saw, accompany to move bodies with etc (I don't find the last one very funny :( ).

So, exactly how bad would you consider it to have a new partner want to move out, and go live with their best friend & several other friends, instead?

To explain, in my shiny happy world, I'm all 'Yay! Friends!', my first thought is that I would understand if he felt the same situation. Let's just assume I have some-times socialisation problems, in a slightly 'aspie' happy-shiny world kinda way, and I often don't realise the social implications and consequences of certain actions, until they are explained to me in small (or big) words, at which point I can take them into account.

I have a sinking feeling this might be one of those situations. Rather than getting into a mess -
I was just going to ask/tell him directly, but I'm worried it might be one of those sorts of situations where someone would say "Sure, do whatever you need to do" even if they didn't feel that way, and put a brave face on it.

And if so, if I just try to feel out they'd feel about it, if were hurt by the idea then they may not be able to explain it in the best/clearest of ways?

And therefore, I'd appreciate a gauge of opinions?

How to prepare to live together again after 3 months apart?

marginaliana — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:08:48 -0800

What should I do in advance to prepare for the end of a short long-distance relationship stint? She's spending 3 months away, and I want the transition back to go as smoothly as possible. My partner will be taking a research trip abroad in the spring and spending 3 months away. I am excited that she's got the opportunity and very supportive of the decision to go. I'm not worried about the time apart (well, okay, I am, but I've read through a bunch of LDR posts here and I have lots of good friends around and projects to keep me busy and letters to write her and so on), but I'm a little worried about how to best reestablish our lives together when she gets back.

We have lived together for over 4 years and been together over 7. We own a home, but have no pets or children. We are both female, if that matters. I will be going over to visit briefly towards the end of her stay, but the rest of the time she will be living alone (in a student-housing type situation). We did long distance for a similarly brief time at the beginning of the relationship, but not having lived together first.

Things I've already thought of:
--I want to try to keep to our existing regular evening schedule as much as possible, with the addition of the daily phone call
--I should remember to dust regularly and I plan to do a thorough house clean the day before she comes back
--I should not get into the habit of going to the bathroom with the door open. :)

What else should I be doing now and while she's gone to help us with the return transition, both emotionally and practically?

How to live together more harmoniously?

Anonymous — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 07:30:13 -0800

Living together: questions about money and space (Anonymous because I don't want to link this question with my account, which could be identified by those mentioned.)

I have never lived with a boyfriend before and need some advice about sharing expenses and space.

I am living in a country halfway around the world with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. We decided to get working holiday visas for a year and go on an adventure. Back home, we didn't live together and would each take turns taking each other out for dinner, on dates, etc.

We're not married and I want to know what is fair in terms of sharing expenses like rent and groceries.

Right now, we're renting a room in a house with other people. We did this before he found work -- now he has a really high paying job and we will likely move into an apartment in a month or so. The room is relatively cheap, and we are splitting the cost between us each week.

He makes 4X as much as I do. Is it fair for him to pay more of the rent? (We both work full-time)

Normally I would prefer to split the rent, to feel more like an equal I guess, but I am really struggling to make ends meet right now. I also have student loans to pay back, he doesn't.

What have been your experiences in this type of situation? What is the fairest thing to do? If one person pays more, is the other indebted to them in some way?

I feel like he can afford a very luxurious lifestyle that I cannot afford to match -- lots of eating out, traveling, etc. What is the solution, without me making him a sugar daddy?

If I can tag a second question onto this, I want to know about sharing space.

I am more outgoing and sociable, whereas he prefers to be home most of the time. I leave for work before he does, and after work might stop by the library, or to an art group, to try to keep busy. When I come home, he is there. He never leaves. He doesn't hang out in the living room or kitchen, and has no desire to leave the room or his computer.

He has never had a roommate (even when he went to university, he lived alone), while I've had all kinds, have shared rooms in university, shared houses with up to 6 people, etc.

Is it reasonable to expect some "alone time" in the room? If so, how much? I don't need a lot, but the thought of going home and him being there every single time fills me with dread.

It didn't used to be this bad -- hence my need to ask these questions. Life was a lot simpler when we were back home, had friends, and had our own places!

Sorry if the answers to these questions are obvious. I really am clueless about these and want to do whatever is fair!

Many thanks for your help!

What is going on with me, and can I make it stop going on?

Anonymous — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:57:07 -0800

My boyfriend wants me to move in with him. I have agreed to move in with him. We have already been together for 5 years and I am only moving across town. Why am I so terrified? We’ve been together for a long time and generally have a good relationship. This is not my first serious relationship, but it’s the first one that I would call adult: we support each other, take care of each other, communicate with each other. And also have fun together, of course.

We are in our late 20’s, and neither of us is interested in marriage or children at the moment. I tend to be extremely independent and like to spend a lot of time alone. When I am alone, I feel clear-headed and focused in a way I rarely feel with other people.

A few months ago, he asked me to move in with him when my lease is up, and I agreed. Since then I have been terrified and fighting the urge to flee. I worry that when we move in together we will have to spend all our time together, and I don’t want to do that. I feel like I would lose something very important about myself if I did that.

This is really throwing me for a loop. I can’t relax around him. I am tense and agitated. I have told him about my reluctance but he treats this as a minor quirk and seems to be very sure that I will be fine once the move happens, which is next month.

Will I? Am I blowing this out of proportion? I have never lived with a romantic partner before. And, for what it’s worth, my parents are divorced and I don’t really have a model for this. With my preferences and my current state of mind, how can I make this work?

Human particles in a (happy) box

lalochezia — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 09:34:31 -0800

When you moved to live with your partner, or your partner moved to live with you, what helped set the groundwork for a lasting, strong and wonderful relationship? What missteps would you try and avoid? My fiancee moves to live with me today! (Yay!). I know number one in all the relationship advice is communicate, communicate communicate: we plan on doing this heartily.

What other pieces of advice, either practical, philosophical or whimsical would you offer for people living together. Links acceptable. This is a somewhat open ended and broad q, so, if possible, focus on the living together part. I've seen these qs 1,2: more advice please!

How do you break up and move out?

inging — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:55:05 -0800

I've never initiated a breakup before last night. We live together. What do we do? Last night, I told him I want to break up. We've been together for about a year and a half. We've lived together for nearly a year. (I know, it was really fast.) He is a wonderful person. I love him very much, but over the course of our relationship, I've realized that I am not interested in being in a relationship -- not just with him, but any romantic relationship. The love I have for him has evolved from romantic into close friendship.

He does not feel the same. He's angry and hurt and heartbroken. He feels I'm giving up on him and on the relationship without trying. I've tried to express in a non-supremely-hurtful way that it's not that I'm giving up, it's that I've realized that I want something different. I want alone time. I don't know that he understands this desire of mine -- either because he doesn't want to hear it, or I'm not expressing it well.

I don't generally communicate well in this relationship. I tend to bottle up and then blurt out. I tried hard last night to be calm and complete when describing my feelings. He expressed hurt that I'd been keeping these feelings from him, which I understand but can't change.

Our lease is up in August. Two months ago, I brought up the idea of living in separate apartments when the lease was up. He reacted in much the same way to that conversation, with hurt and confusion. When I brought it up then, I was hoping that by having my own space again, it would help me refocus on the relationship, see it from a different angle, and work to be happier in it. These past couple months I've realized that what I'm truly feeling is a desire to just be alone for awhile.

I'm confident that I'm making the right choice for me. I feel guilty and bad that by pursuing my needs and desires, I am hurting him. I understand that that's a part of being the one who initiates the breakup. I don't expect for him to be happy, or forgive me, or even really fully understand right now.

But I'm at a loss when it comes to the details. How do we move forward from here? He has very little in the way of savings, and is in a transition point in his career (he has a day job, but is pursuing freelance work to branch out and follow his true career goals -- which are accomplishable and within his reach, but not a concrete, dependable paycheck yet). I'm fairly stable financially, but not with any abundance of savings.

I can afford this apartment on my own, if I have to. He can't. The city we live in is 'my' city -- he moved here from about two hours away when we decided to live together. In hindsight, a poor decision on both our parts. I don't know if he'll want to stay in this city when we are not in a romantic relationship. I don't know if he's interested in moving back to his old city, or trying something completely new. I know he is reluctant to move at all, since moving is expensive and tiring and he'll need to buy the things he doesn't have (the bed is mine, though I feel like I should just give it to him, if it's going to cause him stress/financial strain to get his own bed).

To complicate matters, I work from home. I'm here all the time. It's a two bedroom place, but one is our bedroom and the other is my office. I'm of course willing to change this setup, but how? Do I just move my pillow into my office? Should I try to be out of the house and working in a coffeeshop when he's here, so he can have time to himself?

I'm traveling a bit for work this summer. I leave Saturday for a ten day trip out of the country. I'm hoping that during this time he'll be able to process and think and cry and do the things he needs to do to help him begin to move on. I'll be gone again for ten days in July.

I guess what I'd like is help in understanding how to best behave in the coming days and weeks. Do I look for my own place, knowing he can't keep this apartment alone? Do I offer to help him look? Should I leave any of the logistics conversations alone, until he brings them up? Is it insulting for me to try to help him through this, as the one who initiated the break? I feel guilty that I have a support system (friends and family) nearby, when he does not. I feel guilty that my work affords me fulfillment and financial stability, when his does not. I feel guilty that I should be happy here, in this relationship, with this man, but I do not.

What next?

Can our relationship survive living apart after living together?

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:12:40 -0800

My boyfriend of almost 3 years and I have been living together for a year and a half. About a year ago he decided he wanted to start making his own music, something he never had the chance to do earlier in his life. He's also a very successful grad student in a PHD program, so he thinks that before he graduates is the only time he will be able to devote enough time to making music while still being a good student. And now he's telling me that the only way he can really give this a shot is for us to not live together for a while so he can have some "space" to really discover himself and focus on his music whenever he's not in school. He says he wants to work on it so much that he would seem neglectful if we lived together. This is shocking for me because we have a really strong relationship and until about 2 weeks ago, when he started feeling like he needs "space", we were really happy and everything was fine. He doesn't want to break up, he just wants to take a step back from the relationship and just see eachother a few times a week or whenever he's not doing his music stuff. I told him that this was really disturbing to me and that I'm not sure if we are going to work out if he really wants to do this. To clarify, he wants to move into a loft-style situation with some of our mutual friends who are musicians so they can play music and just be creative whenever they want. I was originally supposed to be a part of this living situation (I'm a visual artist, not a musician but I like singing with the guys once in a while) and now he wants to exclude me from this plan.

He also thinks I don't respect his new passion for music and that I consider it a hobby, so this is another reason why he doesnt want me around while he's recording songs.

Am I overreacting by thinking that our relationship is doomed by this new and unexpected need of his to be "more on his own?" Or am I right to be hurt by such selfishness? I've never turned to askmefi before for relationship advice, so please be gentle!

Help us work out how we can live together

Marzipan — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 10:47:05 -0800

Help us work out how we can live together My boyfriend and I have finally decided we want to live together. Currently we both rent 2 bedroom apartments which are about half an hour away from each other.
We're in our late 30s and very used to having our own space. The decision to live together was tricky and protracted from both sides, but now we're sure, if a little nervous. We agree that it's better to move somewhere which is new for both of us rather than have one move into the other's territory (I guess this might seem kinda weird if you've managed to get to these significant decisions earlier in life. We're, um, late developers I guess, but better late than never, right?)

The real concern is that we both work from home, each one using their second bedroom as an office. We both love the fact that we no longer have to commute everyday. We work in different areas but we both find our working hours are very flexible, sometimes with swathes of free time, sometimes working until 3am.

We've talked a little bit about what we might need. As well as our shared bedroom, we agree that we each need some space of our own to work (and also just escape!), plus somewhere our families/friends can stay when they come from abroad, which we're hoping will be fairly regularly.

It turns out that renting a three or four bedroom apartment can be more expensive than renting 2 two-bedroom apartments (I guess something to do with the allowances which ex-pat families are given to spend on rent). Which might be better - one big place or two smaller ones? Has anyone got any tips on the pros and cons of, e.g., renting 2 apartments in the same block or street (if we can find them)? What might be a good way to use the space(s)?

Any suggestions/tips gratefully received.

Is it normal for a 37 year old man to live in filth? What to do about it?

k8t — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 17:44:04 -0800

[NormalcyFilter] Is it normal for a 37 year old man to be a slob? And what can I do about it? I've been living apart from my boyfriend of 4 years (3 years living together) for the past 9 months. I was abroad doing a master's program. I returned to "our" apartment to find a fridge full of moldy, rotten food (most of which was purchased when I was here at Christmas), toilets with nearly permanent stains, and tons of messes. Every drawer in the kitchen, office and bathrooms is now a "junk drawer." I did not leave the house like this. When I first moved in with him 3 years ago, I did a similar big clean. I though that by keeping our house similarly clean since then would have taught him, but I guess not.

I spent a number of hours scrubbing out all kitchen applicances, bathrooms, etc. I don't have abnormal standards, I just want things to be clean and hygenic. I only clean a few times a month and not obsessively.

What I want to know is: 1) is this normal behavior for a 37-year-old man? I'd assume by this point he'd know enough to give his fridge and bathrooms a good clean, especially before girlfriend arrives home. Or maybe are other people in similar circumstances? 2) do I have any right to get mad about this? I've been passively angry all day and have told him off about it. 3) what can I do to change this behavior? I'm leaving for another few months soon and I don't want to repeat this again! Or, instead of changing his behavior, should I hire a cleaning person so I'll stop getting mad at him?

Our apartment is on floor 8, so we don't need those black bars, thanks.

bilabial — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:29:21 -0800

Help me love Miami. I'll be moving to Hollywood, FL on June 1. I lived on the FIU's main campus 7 years ago. I didn't know how to drive and I didn't drink, so I didn't get to explore much. I still don't drink much, but I do drive, and I'm willing to explore via public transportation.

I knit, I cook, I want to sew more than a pointy kitty here and there and I will share an apartment near Young Circle. We know that we can walk to Publix and that there are some pretty good places to eat near our apartment. We know that we will be close to his campus. We don't know a whole lot else about the area.

He plays guitar and some other instruments and will be entering grad school. So, where are your favorite places to hang out, read, play music, buy guitar strings, etc without getting shot?

Moving to Miami

bilabial — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 20:54:06 -0800

Which neighborhood/apartment complex to choose in North Miami? My boyfriend has been accepted to a graduate program at FIU's Biscayne Campus and there will be no on campus living for either of us. Or my two cats. We have a list of neighborhoods (suggested by a faculty member at the school) that we have searched on Rent.com but a lot of the listings are not much to shake a stick at. What neighborhoods do you like/suggest?

We need:
Separate bedrooms
big kitchen
dining area
washer dryer in the apartment

Living together hints?

altolinguistic — Thu, 22 Sep 2005 02:43:07 -0800

Tips for a couple moving in together? What do you wish you had known when taking this step? I've been with my boyfriend for about two years, and for the whole time we've been 100 miles apart (this is Britain; that's a long way). I work from home and am therefore mobile; we want to be together; therefore I am moving into his flat. I'm quite excited about this. It's not a tiny flat, but he's lived in it for a few years and has filled it - so we will both have to throw some stuff out.

So I want your tips - how to share space? How to sort out who does what? And for those who have one partner working from home, how to prevent the whole burden of domestic chores falling on that partner (particularly as I'm a procrastinator and will end up doing all the cleaning if it puts off a job)? Neither of us have lived with a partner before. I don't mind if the toilet seat is left up.

Also practical tips for how to get rid of accumulated stuff would be most welcome! Thanks.

Advice for living together with your SO?

Meagan — Thu, 10 Feb 2005 20:59:57 -0800

RelationshipFilter: The boyfriend is moving in. Anyone have any advice that you would have liked to know when you and your significant other started living together? [MI] It's the first time I've lived with a boyfriend full-time versus weekends-only. Since he's going to be moving all of his possessions over, should we go with different storage units? Filing folders? How about computer setup? Personal privacy issues? Is there such a thing as spending too much time together?

Any little advice would be helpful, and while I know that everyone's relationships are different, odds are I'll stumble against similar problems.

What are your house porn rules?

Anonymous — Mon, 27 Sep 2004 08:16:14 -0800

What are your house porn rules? [more! inside!] My old boyfriend and I had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about porn that evolved over time. We each knew that we had our own little fascinations, we tended not to share them, and we usually saved our porn surfing for when the other one is not around. We'd talked about it some, we didn't talk about it much; he's a bit more private about it than I was. We're both pretty non-judgmental about it. This started to slip. I'd accidentally surprise him because he didn't hear me get home early. I'd use his laptop to turn the stereo on or off and see a torrent window filled with hardcore whatever. I'd come upstairs and see him furiously closing windows as I walked into the room. I didn't mind the porn, sometimes I even liked the porn, but the caginess and dodginess of it got on my nerves. How do you and yours settle porn territory disputes?