Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with lifestyle

What are your family-style, urban living life hacks?

Quizicalcoatl — Mon, 20 May 2013 06:11:52 -0800

Mrs. Quizicalcoatl and I are finally moving to the Boston area with our 9- and 7-year old. What do we need to know? Here are some things that might impact what we need to know:

1) We've signed the lease on a small apartment in north Brookline, and we'll be moving in July/August.
2) We'll be within walking distance of the T and will be downsizing to 1 car, which Mrs. Quizicalcoatl will be using to commute to work.
3) The kiddos will be going to public school.
4) I'll be a full time dad for at least the first 6 months to 1 year and, although I may do some part time work after we're settled in, we're thinking that my main occupation will be that of a primary caregiver.
5) There's a laundry room down the hall in our building and a playground across the street.
6) Although we've been taking day trips to Boston for years, we're lifelong suburbanites/ruralites/small-towners.

So, how do we access the best parts of this lifestyle and location and how do we avoid the worst parts? What are the indispensable accoutrements, tips and tricks, and life hacks for the great, big city? If you live in an urban area, what item could you not live without? What pieces of information are you most glad to know? What practical shortcut keeps you safe, healthy, happy, etc.?

Alternative living arrangements?

jsturgill — Mon, 06 May 2013 14:24:12 -0800

I may be on the lookout for a new residence soon, and I'm open to alternatives to the usual apartment/house rental. In particular, living in an RV or camper trailer parked on the street outside of a friend's house (or in their driveway if long-term parking on the street is illegal) seems doable. And fun. And possible (I asked). What's it like? Other suggestions welcome—the vehicle option is just what came to mind first.

I have a 2002 Subaru Outback that apparently has a max towing capacity of 2,000 pounds, so I guess I need a motor home or a very light camper trailer.

I'm interested in something with a built-in shower and toilet, which I suppose means I definitely need a motor home with black and/or greywater containers that would need to be dumped out every so often. How often? How much does an RV park charge for this service?

What models should I look at? What specific features should it have? How much is a reasonable cost?

I'm assuming a propane tank for cooking, tiny fridge, etc.

How viable would solar power be? Electricity needs would consist entirely of reading lights, my laptop, phone, possibly external speakers, and a tiny fridge.

If I ran everything off batteries that I charged every day/every other day, how much electricity would that use up compared to regular home usage? I mean, is that a "Here's 20 bucks for letting me recharge this month" situation, or is it more like "Heres $100 for this week?"

I've seen this post. Any others?

Fresno, CA area.

Can we be more old fashioned?

sadtomato — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 15:05:45 -0800

We are looking for old-timey things to try that will enhance our lifestyle and save us money. Over the last few years we have incorporated various new habits into our routines that have less environmental impact, better lifestyle, and save ourselves money. We make our own bread and jam in our bread maker. We make our own soda water with our soda stream, we use handkerchiefs instead of tissues, we use safety razors instead of disposable razors, we compost through our local farmers markets, and we have taken to wearing hats.

Specifically for the hankies and the safety razors we have been surprised at how they are not just cheaper but vastly better than their contemporary equivalents. What other secrets is the past hiding from us?

What are your suggestions for us?

Smalltown or BigCity?

The Toad — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 18:02:18 -0800

My family needs to decide between living in Smalltown and BigCity. Have you made this decision and how did you make it? Are you happy in retrospect? We've lived in both cities (currently residing in Smalltown). Smalltown is in a geographically not too appealing area, but has a top ranked University (where one of us is employed) and accompanying charms, such as big fun events, interesting/smart people and decent food. BigCity is in a geographically beautiful area, has an even better university and even smarter/more interesting people, and very very good food.

Obvious downside of moving would be - houses in BigCity are 30-50% more expensive than in Smalltown. We're not home owners yet but would like to buy (and probably could in both places, although would get much less for our money in BigCity). Considering all other financial aspects (schools, etc) we could make it work in BigCity, but it wouldn't be as relaxed and easy as in Smalltown.

Also, things we like are hanging out with other families with kids, going on walks through the neighborhood, eating/cooking, going on easy hikes & picnics, but all very low-stress, low-key. We're not kitesurfing kickstarter-campaign super-driven people, but also not church-picnic mom-jeans mall type people. One of us is a stay at home parent (although that may change) and that seems an almost non-existent lifestyle in BigCity.

On the other hand, BigCity University would definitely be a step up, career-wise. And BigCity would never get boring and maybe, once a day or week or month we'd sigh and look around and say, 'Wow, I can't believe I live here!!!'
We feel a bit lost in our decision making process right now. Maybe because we know - and like - both places! Ideas?

Help me refresh my life!

circumspice — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 14:01:36 -0800

I'm graduating and starting a full-time job soon. This feels like it should be a major life transition! Minor issue: my new office is practically next door to my old school. I deliberately chose a job in the area so that I could stay closer to my SO. However, this is making the whole transition feel a bit anticlimactic. I'll be staying in the same apartment, making the same morning commute, probably ordering sushi from the same place on the weekends.

I'd really like to do something to shake up my routine and make this feel more like the start of something new. I've brainstormed a few ideas (redecorate apartment? spiffy new wardrobe? big travel adventure between graduation and start date?) but I'd love to get more input and advice from people who have been in a similar situation. How can I make this new job feel like a fresh beginning even though I'm staying in the same place?

Define "moderation." How much exercise is "too much"?

polymodus — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 02:27:13 -0800

My parents think I've been exercising too much. I think they are being well-meaning but a little out of touch. This is also forcing me to question prevailing notions about appropriate exercise. Help me process this. So my parents expressed shock and concern when I casually mentioned that during my exercise routine at the gym today, I pedaled the stationary bike at a heart rate of 150 bpm for 12 minutes (that's 80% my max heart rate). Their main point, as I understand it, is that I shouldn't exercise so intensely or so frequently. They made several comments. "150 bmp is double your resting heart rate, which is obviously excessive!" "Marathons are known to cause heart damage and even fatalities!*." "2x a week at the gym should be enough for you." "It is better to stick with light exercise activities, like jogging or walking." I was taken aback by these nagging, "shoulding" comments. Being 1st-generation Asian immigrants, I can see how American-style fitness norms and standards are a very alien concept.

I know that I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary compared to other young adults. But their comments got me wondering about scientific evidence for the intrinsic safety of my favorite training activities, namely cardio, weightlifting, and high-intensity interval training. It seems entirely plausible that exercise, if done at a certain level, becomes detrimental to your long-term health. Clearly, my parents and I disagree on that threshold. What information is there that cuts to the heart of the issue?

*nytimes has been writing about new research showing less or moderate levels of exercise being, counterintuitively, more beneficial than previously thought.

Math not adding up. Why am I not losing a lot of weight?

dubadubowbow — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:42:31 -0800

Mid-twenties male, eating extremely healthily, exercising very well, very happy with his setup here. But very curious why the pounds wouldn't just be falling off now, when they were at a maintenance level when I had the reverse habits as recently as a few months ago. (Or even any weight loss at all.) I'm not eating junk food or ever eating out, and calorie calculators online say that I would need 4,000 calories at a sedentary lifestyle to maintain my current weight. However, I exercise nearly every day for about an hour, a combination of running and weightlifting, and I already use low-fat, low-sugar everything in the food I cook and prepare for myself. So all of my extra calories, why I've figured I wasn't losing weight (although the exercise is a fairly recent addition), is from eating out and eating junk food from the grocery store, like Oreos or ice cream.

Well over the last several weeks, for a variety of causes known and unknown but deeply appreciated, I've lost most of my appetite for the aforementioned fast food and junk food, as well as foods with refined sugar in them.

Now I actually feel like I need more calories and a little more fat to get myself through the day, energy-wise.

So that's all great, but I'm not losing a ton of weight. I guess I don't mind not losing weight (even though I have a considerable amount I could stand to lose), but...

a) I'm deeply skeptical of that baseline 4,000 calorie intake needed to *maintain* my weight at a *sedentary* lifestyle. But I'm willing to hear an explanation either way. Is that right?
b) By my rough counting, I can not be having more than 3,000 calories per day on my absolute highest-calorie days, and most days I would put more around 2,000 or 2,500. Even if I were right and that were about the amount I would need to *maintain* at a sedentary lifestyle, why am I not dropping pounds like a rock coupled with the regular, rather intense exercise (weightlifting and jogging)?

(I'm aware that strength training builds muscle, but I do a maximum of 20 minutes a day, 3 days a week, and would the weight change really be that drastic as to offset the weight loss?)

Help with a 12 month attention span?

Isn't in each artist (7) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 13:56:28 -0800

I seem to get 'bored' with everything in my life - friends, relationship, job, country - every 1-2 years. I then make major life changes and it is starting to seriously affect me. Has anyone else experienced this situation? Does it get better? If not, do you have some good coping strategies? Since finishing university I've noticed that I can't stick to anything for more than a year or two. Jobs that I've been really enthusiastic about, hobbies that I've enjoyed and mastered, new places, new people (both friends and SO's).

This is affecting me adversely in several ways:

- I don't feel like I've achieved much. I'm currently looking for a job and my CV reflects my life; a bit of a mess with no narrative.
- I don't bother committing myself to things wholeheartedly, so e.g. I won't learn a new language in a new place, or take up a time-consuming hobby. 'Whatever, I probably won't be here next year anyway!'.
- I'm starting to feel dishonest making commitments to others. This is the biggy and applies in my professional and personal life. Becoming aware of the trend, I'm increasingly cautious about making big commitments like 'of course I'll deliver this multiyear project!' or 'let's be flatmates!'.
I'm concerned that I'll never shake this... and therefore never be in a position to have kids, as I'll be all enthusiasm for a couple of years and then lose interest. (I've already missed one opportunity and regret it keenly several years later. I still think it was the right decision.)
- Towards the end of a cycle, I lose all motivation. I start to know that I'll be moving on and I find it hard to maintain any pretence that I'm not. Work and relationships suffer and I let people down. This is happening to me now, particularly at work.
- I miss the places and people I leave behind, but I find it awkward to stay in touch. My 'old friends' are really the ones who persevere with me for reasons that I find pretty unfathomable. I've got a lot of funny anecdotes involving people that I'm no longer in touch with and wish I'd got to know better.

I'm asking this here because it's hard to discuss all this with the people in my life:

1) it's a privileged problem to have and I'm embarrassed explaining it face-to-face. It's the kind of thing that 17 y.o. me would probably have been proud of and it comes across like I'm trying to cast myself as a mysterious globetrotting loner. And of course this lifestyle is only possible because my appearance, education, accent, etc makes it easier to find jobs in new places.
And 2) it's basically putting them on notice that I will at some point be disappearing and will probably not stay in touch. This makes people understandably uncomfortable. Oh, and it seems like I'm inviting them to persuade me to stay.

Is this something others are experiencing or have experienced? Should I expect this to change? I'm already starting to dread my next 'fresh start' this summer, having to pull up the roots I've put down where I am - that's a new feeling, and hopefully positive. But I'm still perversely excited about it.

If it isn't going to change, what are good coping strategies? Should I just run with it and be more open about probable consequences? ('I'm super-excited about [X], but I should warn you that I will almost certainly find it boring in a few months, even though I find the idea unimaginable at the moment!') Or should I try to stick it out and make smaller changes at a time? (New job, but in the same place, or new hobby? ...I have tried this to some extent and it hasn't really worked).

POSSIBLY IRRELEVENT / OFFENSIVE SPECULATIVE MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS:
I was never diagnosed with ADHD as a child or medicated, but it seems probable that I had it to some degree (description of behaviour from family members plus family member who is a paediatrician telling me, unprompted, that they're sure I had it). I work with young people with ADHD and ADD now and find it very easy to put myself in their shoes. Assuming I did have it, the hyperactivity part disappeared during adolescence but I still find it difficult to concentrate on tasks for more than a short time. Possibly connected?

People don't change. Or do they?

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 09:09:18 -0800

When we first met, my boyfriend was overweight and drank too much (by his own account). Four months into our relationship, he's changed quite a bit: he goes running, eats healthier, and drinks way less. He says I make him want to be healthier -- which is great. But I'm worried that this is just new-relationship energy, and that he'll slide back into old patterns once we're more used to each other. I'm not a super health-nut, but I've always tried to stay active and watch what I eat. My boyfriend, despite being diabetic, was pretty lax about his diet and his exercise regimen. (Possibly relevant info: he's 34; I'm a woman, and I'm 31). When we first met, he was drinking most nights of the week -- either out with friends, or just having a six-pack alone while looking at the internet on a weeknight.

Early on, I told him that the drinking and the lax attitude about his health bothered me. He agreed that they were problems, and said that he just hadn't had much of a reason to change his life until now. Since then, he hasn't changed completely, but he's definitely altered his life in some moderate-to-large ways. He exercises a few days a week and drinks twice a week, if that. He talks a lot about how much better he feels, and was proud of himself that a recent stressful incident at work didn't drive him to rely on his old bad habits. Meanwhile, I'm making a concerted effort not to be a nag about any of this stuff, but instead to talk about it in a larger sense (ie., not "why are you having another beer?!" but instead "do you think it's a problem that you drink alone?").

In some ways, it feels foolish to even write this question, because so far, everything seems great. He is happier and healthier and we get along great. It's inspiring and encouraging that we can talk about these things openly, and that he doesn't get upset or defensive. I just LIKE our relationship. But I can't shake the nagging feeling that he's just changing temporarily based on new-relationship energy, and that a couple years from now I'll wake up to find that he's not taking care of his health and drinking half the day away again. And I know you should love people for who they are, not for some aspirational version of themselves -- but I'm old enough that I don't want to get deep into a relationship with someone who doesn't take care of himself.

My questions: Do people really make major lifestyle changes (that stick!) because of relationships? Are our differing habits until now a sign of fundamental lifestyle incompatibilities? Is he just eventually going to resent me for trying to change him? Am I eventually going to resent him for putting me in the role of "lifestyle coach"?

Less $, more food.

Trexsock — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 03:43:55 -0800

Filling, low carb snacks that are relatively price-sensible? Basically I'm having quite a bit of trouble compiling and getting used to a low-carb diet while not feeling like I'm starving myself/extremely hungry at most of the times. I feel like I'm eating quite a bit and still get a growly stomach often.

Around here people only eat 1 'full meal' a day. I have no issues with that and have accustomed to it. I've also no problems cooking my dinner to be low carb (basically a protein source + loads and loads of non-starchy veggies) but am hitting a roadblock when it comes to finding stuff to eat the rest of the time, especially since bread is out of question.

The problem is that, during the day, especially late-ish at night -- say, 10-11pm -- (since I usually end up going to bed at about 1am) I feel extremely hungry. And sometimes can't fall asleep because despite having eaten already, my stomach will be growling endlessly. I feel like I'm doing something very wrong. I did some extensive reading about low-carb diets, but none of the suggestions appeal to me particularly. I have no issues with eating protein and veggies. I love salads and veggies in general, but at the end of the day, I feel like I'm starving. Of course, I could just go with another plate of whatever I had for dinner, but (snowflake details) meat is particularly expensive here, fish is a delicacy, given how pricy it is and I'm trying to keep the bulk of the protein in that one meal, for $ reasons. That's not to say it won't happen sometimes, but not every day/only a couple times a day.

I'm not particularly picky when it comes to food, but I don't like frying stuff much and I don't like sauces, either. So I'm not very likely to go cook bacon (which I openly dislike) with eggs or something. I prefer things to do with vegetables, but as mentioned above, to me it feels like regardless of the amount I eat, I'm still hungry (i.e a whole plate of salad -- lettuce and arugula/rucula, raw with no sauces or anything added -- didn't make a dent in my satiation levels).

Looking for suggestions, thanks a lot in advance!

Typical life in the 1840s?

shakespeherian — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 18:50:57 -0800

Looking for recommendations of books that illustrate typical American life in the 1840s-- not Wild West-type stuff. Ideally New England-area. Fiction or non-fiction, either way. Thanks!

Addicted to the life?

custard heart — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:56:17 -0800

What are some examples of criminals who fell into a life of crime for the lifestyle of luxury/ power it provided? I'm working on a documentary project and I'd like examples of people who fell into a life of crime for the spoils and wealth and power it gave them. Bank robbers, embezzlers, madams, drug smugglers, impostors, forgers, fraudsters -- the more interesting the story, the better! I'm hoping the hive-mind can tip me off to some more local stories that haven't been so well reported.

My criteria is that it has to be:
-US-based
-preferrably no "wet" crime (no murder, though drugs are OK). you should be able to empathize with the criminal somewhat, so no sociopaths
-they should be semi-recent
-they should have done time and will hopefully be repentant. extra points for serious rehabilitation/atonement

thanks in advance, hive mind!

The campaign for more slacking off as a family.

A Terrible Llama — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 07:51:39 -0800

Are there corners to cut that we should be cutting? What tasks do you skip, consciously or not, as a family? Washing dishes? Putting laundry away? IS THERE SOMETHING WE SHOULD NOT BE DOING? Mr. Llama and I are wondering if we're working harder than we need to, somehow, because our lifestyle-equivalent peers seem to be experiencing the universe at a more leisurely pace than we are.

My mother suggested that a solution for our cat sneakily carving up the couch behind our backs--she does it when we're not around--would be for us to cover our couch and chair each morning with some kind of drop cloth, and then uncover it each day when we return home.

That sounds so totally batshit insane, I don't even. Not because the idea is so dumb in particular, but because the thought of adding that task to our mornings and afternoons makes my head feel like it's going to explode. (I don't want to derail on this whole thing -- ultimately, preserving the couch isn't a major priority to us.)

We have a four-year-old, a dog, and a cat. We both work demanding jobs that demand a lot of attention. The four-year-old is in preschool. The dog gets a good off-leash walk every day, and both the animals are well-cared for. I run (three miles) most mornings. We get up around 5:30, sometimes 5, sometimes 6.

We are pretty tidy, and a little rigid, but not pathologically so. We don't leave dishes in the sink. The beds are made when we leave the house. We don't eat very much prepared food. On the other hand, we sweep the kitchen floor only weekly, and with a robot. The bathrooms are tidy, but it's safe to assume the counters are dirty and have a film of toothpaste on them.

I'm interested in:

...as a member of a shared household, are there tasks or obligations (including social obligations) in your life which you have decided to blow off so that your life is slower paced and more relaxed and you have more time to concern yourselves with more important things, like sitting outside together on a fall day and having cider?

What are those tasks?

I'm interested in it also, obviously, if it turns out that this is just the way the world is and everyone is faking it.

Does Midsomer Murders portray English country life realistically?

OrangeDisk — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 15:14:26 -0800

I know that the real English countryside is not as violent as Midsomer County -- no place is -- but how realistic are the other aspects of country life portrayed in the show? (specific questions inside) I live in the US and was born and raised here and have never lived in another country. My husband and I love watching Midsomer Murders, and are very curious about the non-murdery aspects of the show. Specifically:
Can a DCI (I'm thinking of the original Barnaby -- I haven't seen any episodes with the new guy yet) support a family on one income and live in a big (upper) middle class house on that income?
Do small towns really have that many festivals, fetes, celebrations, anniversaries, commemorations, jumble sales, carnivals, etc?
Do bands of gypsies really roam the countryside?
Do towns and villages have signature "things" that many or most people are really into, so much so that that becomes a characteristic of the town? Like orchids or biking or change ringing or painting or music or history or books or whatever.
Do ordinary, middle-class people have time to participate in so many hobbies and activities? I am often jealous of how Joyce spends her time.
Do ordinary, middle-class people live in really, really old cottages and houses that are nicely maintained with beautiful gardens? (I always assumed these belonged to rich people when I've seen them on trips)

We are more curious about how realistically the small towns and villages are portrayed than we are about Causton. A lot of these questions might seem tongue-in-cheek, but they are intended seriously. With the US workweek being so much longer and our communities so much more fragmented than those in other countries, I would not really be surprised to learn that much of the above is accurate.

tl;dr: If I moved to a small English village expecting my life to be like the middle class people in Midsomer Murders (the ones who don't get killed, that is), would I be disappointed?

"Do you take this man...?" Probably not.

peacrow — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 17:42:23 -0800

How do I figure out if I want to get married, without, you know, getting married? I feel like I need to figure this out, because I'm at an age that a lot of guys I date definitely *do* want to get married, and I don't want to waste their time. I searched around for a similar question, but most of the questions of "do I want to get married?" involve someone questioning taking the next step in a committed relationship. This is not that.

Yesterday, for the first time in my 31 years of life, the thought that I might not want to get married at all, ever, crossed my mind. I kind of always assumed I did want to eventually get married, now I'm not so sure. I am currently single(ish). I know I want companionship, but I don't really want someone to have kids with, co-mingle finances with, buy a house with, grow old with. None of that is particularly appealing.

This question is two-fold: What's so special about getting married? (I'm serious.) I have had two long term relationships/cohabitation situations and both turned out rather badly. So, I know what it is to share a household and finances with someone I love/care about/have sex with. How is getting married any different? Is it a different mindset?

And, if I do decide I want to be single for quite a long while/forever, do I have to totally re-imagine the guys I date and the way I date? How do I find guys who are in for a penny, but not necessarily in for a pound? I think I'd like a series of monogamous relationships 5-10 years long, max. That's most appealing to me.

Disclaimer: I've had a series/variety of heartbreaks over the past 3-4 years, so this may be coloring my view, but I'm not currently in the throws of a breakup or anything dramatic.

If reputable scientists were to prescribe a healthy lifestyle, what would they include?

dynamiiiite — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 10:56:14 -0800

What are the most significant lifestyle changes I can make to improve my chances of maintaining a high quality-of-life throughout (a hopefully long) life? I want to hack my quality of life. More specifically, I want to determine what DATA-SUPPORTED changes I can make to improve my mind-body health in the long term (I'm 25, and I want to live to a spry 100! or at least a spry something)

Some changes I'm considering:
-eat more antioxidant/nutrient-rich foods, especially greens, berries, fish, etc.
-stop drinking alcohol (or drink VERY sparingly, e.g. 1-2 units/month)
-reduce my sugar and refined grain consumption
-meditate daily
-practice yoga several times a week
-mobilityWODs

Things I already do:
-weight train
-various forms of cardio
-eat appropriate portion sizes/maintain a healthy weight

The thing is, I don't want to severely impact my short-term quality of life for something that might only create mild to moderate improvements in the long term, or make a change that helps one thing but hurts another. So for example, if it's sufficient to reduce my sugar consumption to moderate levels vs. cutting it out entirely, I don't want to eliminate my nightly piece of chocolate or occasional creme brulee because that would just make me sad. As another example, I enjoy getting my cardio from 10-20 miles of running weekly, but I don't want to destroy my joints while I improve my heart health.

I am almost certainly overthinking this, I realize, but it feels like there's so much science and no way to sift through it all to come up with the appropriate Rx for life. What am I missing? Extremely specific suggestions are welcome, as are generalized suggestions that have some data to support them. If there are quality-of-life links that go beyond just the physiological (e.g. close friends/family relationships), please bring those on as well!

Who has anger made you ?

Jireel — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 07:53:53 -0800

Help me understand Anger and its relation to self-esteem, loving relationships, circmstances, and daily life. Are you or have you been and angry person ? to what extend have you been able to spot the causes and / or gotten better ? How did it feel ? I am searching for testimonies / ressources / podcasts /websites, on anger, but which could be on the theoretical side, not so much as the anger-management aspects, but rather would like to understand my family's and ex partner way of functionning, if such a thing as properly understanding it, makes sense. If you are angry, or close to people who get agry often, I'd be really really glad to hear about anything that would help me see more clearly. Feel free to memail me if the post makes you embarassed. Specifically :

- Angry feelings, angry reactions, angry words, within a relationship of love,
- Anger and self-esteem ( or shame, even ?)
- Anger and sincerity : does anger really make people do and say things they would never have wanted to do or say on other times ? really never ?
- to what degree can anger change a person ?
- Anger and regrets (what is going on ?), anger and the aftermaths..
- Anger and personnality styles (psychological studies ? Myer-Briggs Personality test data ?)
- Anger and addictions (do people who have addictions, be it to cigarettes, weed, or alcohol, have a different relationship to their emotions ? to anger specifically ?
- Anger and (perhaps) general perception of the other, especially the person who is being put down.
- Anger and distance in times of tension: does it help ?

----

sidenote : I come from a family where anger was a very free thing (lashing out, insulting, putting the other down on a quasi-daily basis, between my parents, and from my siblings towards me). I went on therapy for years, and feel like I have a pretty balanced emotional life nowadays, with general satisfaction of most of my relationships, happy times, and what seems like a healthy kind of "moderation", so much on the difficult aspects of life, as the joyful ones. But I do sometimes fall for men who are on the extravert / intense (in positive, and negative) / angry side of emotional things. Hence my question. Thank you in advance, and I keep going with the therapy :)

What Was Homosexuality Like Back Then?

amicamentis — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 11:50:18 -0800

What was the gay lifestyle like in past times (say, pre 1970s)? How was being gay perceived? I am looking for resources or first-hand accounts of the day-to-day lives of those either closeted or openly gay before the 1970s. I was inspired after seeing Adorable Vintage Photos of Gay Couples; I realized how little I know about what being gay was like in older times.

Specific questions I have: where would gay people meet? Were there 'signs'? Were there similar stereotypes to identify gay people (exaggeratedly fashionable clothing, lisping, theatergoing) or were there stereotypes that did not make it to modern times?

Was homosexuality commonly explained away to children? What was a standard excuse (for example, Aunt Hilda lives with her best friend to save money, Uncle Frank and James are just kidding around when they hug).
Were most adults 'in' on it or did many genuinely not recognize the nature of gay relationships? Was it different between gay men and lesbian women?

These are just a few things I wonder about but any additional stories or memories are gladly welcome. Memoirs, autobiographies, biographies, books, these recommendations would also be great to have. I'm looking for anything that details the lifestyle and perception of homosexuality in the past.

Thanks!

Brighton UK - what's it like?

EatMyHat — Sun, 10 Jun 2012 12:48:48 -0800

I've seen a job posting in Brighton, UK, and the job looks great. But I know nothing about the city. Help me figure out if it could be right for me! Can anyone who's been there describe it a bit for me, especially in terms of:
- lifestyle and culture: is it suited to a single 30 year old gal? What do the locals like to do? How would you describe the 'vibe' of the place?

- public transport: would I need to get a car or could I survive on buses/trains/a bit of walking?

- costs: how much would I need to spend per month to rent an average one room apartment, and do most apartments come furnished or not?
If you were my age, and were wanting to live in Brighton, how much of a budget/ net salary would you want to have?

-anything else I should know?

Ta muchly!

Should this City Mouse Become a (pseudo)Country Mouse?

Dorinda — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 16:00:59 -0800

MakeMyMindUpForMe-filter: If you were a not-so-young-anymore grad student to be, and had to choose between spending the next 6(ish) years of your life in Durham or Chicago, which would you choose on a purely lifestyle basis (academic/$$ considerations being relatively equal), and why? Looking for experiences of those who have lived (not necessarily studied) in either (or both!) places. Semi-relevant details inside. I'm tired of weighing the academic and financial pros and cons of the grad programs I've been accepted to, and am trying to figure out where I might (possibly.....just maybe) actually be happy living. I've visited both campuses, but did not have much of an opportunity to get a feel for the city/lifestyle offered by either locale. On first glance, Chi-town seems the obvious choice in many ways, but I'm looking for thoughts on why the "obvious choice" may or may not be so.....obvious.
Here are some things about me that might be relevant (but I'm also interested in general thoughts about either city):
- I bike. A lot. I will be using my bike as my main/sole form of transportation wherever I end up.
- I currently live in a land where Winter is a Real Thing, and am therefore used to a Chicago-esque climate (but also pretty sick of a Chicago-esque climate)
- In my non-academic life, I'm seriously/professionally involved in contemporary dance. I hope to be able to continue this in some (though obviously reduced) capacity (especially taking regular pro-level classes in ballet and contemporary dance). This seems to be a point in favour of Chicago, but I'd be interested to hear about hidden dance gems in the Research Triangle area...
- I do not currently have a dog, but I want to get one when I move. I like Big Dogs.
- I grew up in a VERY small town near a small city, but have lived for the past eight years in a Big (BIG) City. I like both lifestyles pretty equally (hence the impossibility of this choice).
- I love outdoorsy things: camping, hiking, backpacking, rock-climbing, etc. Having (relatively easy) access to some serious Wild Spaces (as opposed to city parks) would be a definite plus.
- I'm Canadian.
- I like hockey. A lot. (This also seems to be a point in Chicago's favour, but since I'm a Canucks fan and don't interact well with Blackhawks fans....maybe it's better I go somewhere where I won't get beaten up for wearing my Burrows jersey on game days?)
- I do not have a SO whose preferences I need to consider, and my cat is pretty ambivalent on this issue.

So, MetaMind.....what would your Chicago/Durham sales pitch (or warning!) look like? What should I be taking into consideration when making my choice? Can you make my choice for me? Pretty please?

Hello, Kitty! What is the best way to obtain a kitten?

Alaska Jack — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 19:41:07 -0800

CAT PEOPLE: I am about to join your collective. So question #1 is: What's the best way to actually get a kitten? Pound? Pet store? Craigslist? Snare baited with catnip? Also, any other advice appreciated. My criteria for the kitten are pretty simple:

* Affectionate, loving disposition
* As low maintenance as possible
* Inexpensive

So given these, it doesn't seem like there is any real advantage to paying a lot, but I thought I'd check here first to be sure.

As far as I know I would be perfectly happy with any breed, but perhaps some breeds have advantages over others.

Before I jump into this, I would be grateful for whatever suggestions or advice you may have.

Help a teenager design a nutrition/exercise plan

ptsampras14 — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 13:09:43 -0800

Please help a teenager come up with an exercise/nutritional regimen. Fast facts:
Age: 17
Height/Weight: 6',170 lbs
Not very active at all. Aside from climbing stairs, I usually only play tennis for 2 hours, once every two weeks.

In the past, I've had very bad eating habits: Ramen noodles, cakes, fast food, candy, Chinese takeout, pizza but I am beginning to alter these habits, and committed to eating healthy.

Here is a body shot of my front: photo. I'm flabby

Gynecomastia: I think so. Self-diagnosed. Judging by my father and brother's physique, it must be genetic. I've felt loose tissue in my chest area since I was younger and skinnier.

I am trying to get in shape for my tennis season which begins at the end of March. I want to get fitter looking in general, so that taking off my shirt isn't so incredibly embarrassing.

I am opposed to gyms; they are embarrassing for me, especially seeing acquaintances

My exercise options: My family owns Power 90, P90X, and a Bowflex Power Pro.
--------------
My questions: Which of the exercise options above do you recommend? Or do you have a different suggestion?

In general, what should by nutritional goals be? ie. Low carbs, low fats, etc.

Really any guidance is appreciated; thank you.

Niagra dribbles but does not fall.

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:48:36 -0800

How can I poop less frequently? Anonymous because: ewww, poo!

I currently have a low-stress job: I can show up whenever I want in the morning. But I'm starting a new job soon, and it'll require me to be at work, on time, at 8 am every morning.

Why is this a problem? Well, I usually spend about an hour on the toilet every morning. Without fail, I poop at least twice every morning. Sometimes three times, sometimes four, and yes, sometimes five. And all that paperwork is making my outbox a little rough around the edges.

I'm as regular as a clock. I'm a healthy caucasian male in his mid-40s. I don't eat a lot of meat, don't use caffeine, and do a pretty good job eating roughage and fiber.

How can I get it all to come out in one sitting?

Why can't I motivate myself to make necessary life changes?

miltoncat — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 22:10:11 -0800

I know what will make my life better. So why don't I do what it takes? I'm almost 40 and need to make some lifestyle changes, for my physical and mental health, per doctor's orders. It's nothing life-threatening, but necessary nonetheless.

I need to begin and maintain a consistent yoga practice, make some dietary changes (no sugar, no caffeine, complex carbs and all that), and maintain a consistent meditation practice. Consistency being the key-- my previous attempts don't last longer than a week.

I WANT to do these things... I don't dread the thought of yoga (it's my exercise of choice, actually) and I've enjoyed meditation when I've done it. I like experimenting with new foods and cooking new dishes. I've been craving these changes since I'm in such a rut that is not serving me well at all. Yet it's the same routine every day, still... work, come home, cook dinner, hang out with husband, play on computer, go to bed. It's comfortable, I guess, and we're all drawn to comfortable. Maybe some of it is denial-- it's not really so bad, I can do what I want, I'll somehow beat the odds. Ha.

It's making me crazy that the solution to some of my health issues is right in front of me and not all that hard to do. But I'm not doing them! Why?

How do I push through what feels like a huge wall?

Acne acne, go away

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 16:19:01 -0800

I have mild to moderate acne. My dermatologist is trying to push me towards Accutane, are there any other treatments out there? 20 year old male here. I have mild acne on my face and moderate acne on my back. I have tried a few prescription medication as prescribed by my dermatologist but they haven't really done the job.

My dermatologist will constantly suggest I consider Accutane but this is not something I want to use.

I feel like there is a whole world of skin care products/methods that I am not using. I will splash my face with water in the morning and shower at night, in addition to using a topical prescription cream as needed. What else can I do? What else should I be doing?

Next appointment with my doctor is in exactly one week, I would like to have some things to discuss with him. Maybe my acne is from my diet? Or I need to try a different prescription medication? Or maybe some other behavior?