Help a father BE a father

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:35:52 -0800

[YANML Filter] How can my boyfriend navigate his way out of a terrible child custody situation? You are not my lawyer, a lawyer, nor anyone I might someday hold accountable for your response. However, do you have advice that can help my boyfriend and I?

My (live-in) boyfriend has been in a nightmare of a custody battle with his ex-wife for numerous years. After a deferred assault charge (6 years ago) and several (unfounded, by CPS) abuse claims on her part, his bimonthly visitation was first suspended, then renewed, with supervision required. Although much of this looks bad at first, all claims and causes have been the unfortunate result of needless litigation on the part of the mother to gain her way and to exclude and eventually rid my boyfriend of his parental rights.

Last Sept, she filed for contempt for his use of a derogatory term (b*tch) in reference to her in an email, and claimed that his parents, the supervisors, were not adequate, for petty, otherwise non-noteworthy claims (accidental use of dairy instead of soy for lactose intolerant child, child broke glasses and could not wear them during custodial weekend). She continues to claim wrongful abuse on the basis of aggressive behavior by children and coached claims (on her part) made by preschool-aged children. The judge determined that, because of his history, he would not "learn his lesson" without the visitation being changed to be professional, court approved.

In the last 9 months, however, my boyfriend has made a serious attempt to change his behavior, his life, and to come in compliance with court orders, realizing that he cannot fight with his ex-wife to the detriment of his children, no matter how frustrating her behavior. He has gone off disability (for depression) and has a modest paying full-time job, is currently fulfilling court requirements for counseling and anger management courses, and is seeking out fathers' support groups and parenting classes. Additionally, he has been paying the minimum child support requirement regularly.

Unfortunately, he cannot afford legal representation nor professional visitation services. Any attempts to maintain a relationship with the children (4 & 6 years old) are barred by the mother. She does not answer his regular phone calls, claiming that she asks the children and they do not want to talk, and only very rarely does she have the children return his calls (averages once every 2 months). She does not respond to email requests for pictures, clothing sizes, address to send gifts, but emails with the clear intention of establishing a pattern of no contact between him and the children (though twisting facts and statements) later in court. She has multiple attorneys, and again, he cannot afford representation. His former attorney retired, leaving him without representation.

He has a court date in Sept, which is when the temporary custody requirements (professionally supervised) are to be reviewed, and when contempt charges can be purged. How can he make sure that he can again have visitation, without supervision? What should our next steps be? How can we find representation at little to no cost?

Again, no evidence of abuse or neglect has ever been found by CPS investigations. If there is neglect, it is on the part of the mother, not the father. This case is a classic example of bitter ex-wives syndrome. My boyfriend desperately wants to see his children and to have a relationship with them. He fears for their well-being and what damage this unnecessary litigation may cause to their development.

Additionally, we would love to one day have full custody of the children. She has a history of infidelity and mental illness and also has twin girls with her current husband (as well as his daughter from a previous relationship living with her), and we fear for the childrens' healthy development. How can we get to this point?

Emails can be directed to seehischildren@gmail.com

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Help a father BE a father