Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with kindness

Random Acts of Kindness you have done?

greenish — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 03:19:02 -0800

What "random act of kindness" have you done recently? I'm looking for ideas! I've been getting kicks out of doing things for the neighbours in my block recently like taking round half a pie, or babysitting for nothing.

I now want new ideas of what i can do, not just for them, for the guys who clean the street outside and the bus drivers - everyone.

What did you do recently for a stranger which brightened their day?

The art of the "day-maker" is subtle...

nnevvinn — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:21:33 -0800

Share your clever ideas on how to make a stranger's day I (along with most people) enjoy doing silly little things like dropping crumpled dollar bills from high places onto unsuspecting strangers.

Share your stories of clever day-makers you like to do, or ones that have been bestowed upon you. I'm always looking for new ones!

Are random acts of kindness not appreciated anymore?

joshrholloway — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:04:52 -0800

Would it be inappropriate to perform so-called "random acts of kindness" to strangers or the people around me without asking? What about with permission? We live in an apartment complex, and we're supposed to have our trash in our apartment or in the compactor. It's not supposed to sit on our doorstep for any period of time. But we have one neighbor who leaves trash on his second-story doorstep all the time. So when I was leaving to take out the trash the other day, I saw that once again our neighbors had left their trash on the doorstep. I stopped for a moment and started to go over and get the trash bag (without asking permission) to take it with me since I was on my way anyway.

This was not out of trying to make the apartment look nicer, or trying to get a point across to our neighbors, it was simply going to be a kind act since I was already going to the compactor anyway. But I stopped myself before I did it and wondered if it would really be appropriate. I don't know these people, and aside from giving a smile from time to time when we catch each other going in or out of our apartments, I have never formally met or talked to them.

Another recent occurrence was seeing a woman sitting in her car early one morning in the parking lot, with the windows iced over, apparently waiting for her defrosters to kick in. I was just finishing scraping my own windows, so I considered going over to ask the woman if she wanted me to scrape hers as well since I was early for work anyway. But the same sense of possible inappropriateness stopped me. Again, this was a woman who lived in my complex but I did not know and had not met.

So I guess the question is, are "acts of kindness" like this appropriate? I know everyone will take them differently, but in our society, would I be considered "that weirdo across the hall" if I did stuff like this? What have you experienced in similar instances, being either the giver or receiver of such acts that might help me decide how to feel?

Fix my faux pas or forget it?

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 07:08:23 -0800

Should I try to fix some insensitive behaviour of mine? I was speaking to a colleague today who I don't see as often as I used to, maybe once a quarter. I admired her sweater, she mentioned it was from her mother. I asked whether her mother was still at home (knowing that she had had Alzheimer’s for several years now AND not wanting to avoid talking about it because, you know, people do), and it turns out her mother is in care. I think I said, I'm sorry, that must be hard. How's your stepdad taking it? She tells me that he's at home by himself, and doesn't want to go into care, but because he's had a stroke and now has no-one to talk to, he's losing speech abilities. That's rough, I said. Does he get a chance to see your mum? I asked. Once a week, she said, he gets a taxi and spends time with her, and they feed him, and he gets community support in the form of supplied meals. It must be hard, I said, for him, seeing her. Not that it isn't for you, (panic) but he's there watching it happen. (Oh god.) And then she mentioned that they met through an agency 20 years ago, and married, and so on. She did tell me that her mother still recognised her and knew her but that was about it.

Later, we went to coffee with another colleague and didn't mention it again, but it wasn't until 3 hours later, after I left work that I realised how much I minimised what she must be going through.

So, I was an insensitive callous cow, but every time I think of contacting her to say, "hey, colleague, I was such an insensitive callous cow, I'm sorry, I can't imagine how difficult it is for you, and by the way, did I mention, I'm insensitive," it seems like it's about me feeling better, and not about her.

So, if you had a friend/colleague ever be stupid like that, and you think like a woman, would you have preferred that they just shut up and forget it, or made contact. Other issues include that she works in another branch so face-to-face won’t occur for about 3 months, and I guess you can imagine, my primitive social skills might cause a phone call to make it worse, which leaves a letter, card or email, and they all seem wrong.

So what would you do? What's the kindest thing to do?

when things are this down, there's only one direction they can go: sideways

loiseau — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:19:53 -0800

What are some little things I can do to stay positive and kind to myself while going through some heartache? I tried searching for similar questions but I didn't really come up with anything specific, maybe because my question isn't too specific.

I'd like to hear your brain hacks -- little things you do for yourself when you're feeling shitty or having a bad day or going through extended winter blahs or feeling lonely or trying to recover from love lost (or in my case, never won).

I know about the cliché click-flick stuff like taking a bubble bath and eating Hâagen-Dazs or whatever, but those things have little resonance for me. I need some little acts of kindness to myself that will remind me that I'm alright, I gotta keep looking forward, I've got good qualities, it will get better, gotta stay aware of and grateful for the good things, anything that's a boost to your outlook when chips are down.

Anyone who can advise on simple meditation for beginners (with ADD), I'd definitely be interested in giving that a try, if it could be helpful. I'm even willing to do freakin' affirmations in the mirror if it truly helps.

(Sorry this isn't a very articulate question -- not really feeling it these days. I hope it makes sense anyway.)

How do nice people do it?

freshwater_pr0n — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:58:45 -0800

I've always admired people who are just genuinely nice, warm folks and inspire everyone they talk to. I'd like to be one of those people when I grow up, but I don't know how to do it. Sometimes, when I do or say nice things, people get freaked out and think that I'm hitting on them, want something from them or am being insincere. That isn't the case, but every time it happens, I get a little more timid about doing nice things for people. It's easy to get by with a prickly Dorothy Parker routine, but that's not how I want to live my life. And I'm sick of not doing or saying nice things just because I'm not socially adept enough to pull it off. Being an asshole is easy, and no one ever questions your motives. How can I, as an introvert, act upon my nice impulses without freaking people out? What's the secret to being a mensch?

So maybe I'm a bit of a keener...

gursky — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 23:16:50 -0800

What makes a great roommate really great? I try my best to be conscious about the kind of roommate I am, but I'm looking for tips on being a great person to live with -- and maybe even things I could do to be an outstanding housemate.

I share a house with 4 other girls. We are all in our 4th year of undergrad studies, so needless to say, we're under a bit of stress. As well, we are all very social and involved in extra-curriculars, and most of us have part-time jobs.

We've already established rules for sharing certain food items and for alternating chores, so what else can I do to keep the harmony? Lately, we've all been more stressed than usual, and there has even been some hostility/girl-drama amongst us, even though we're all great friends and we're not the girl-drama type.

I take care of the bills for the house, do my chores well and on time, contribute to the shared items, bake for my housemates on occasion, look after communications with our landlord, lend stuff when asked, stay in my room when my friends are over if someone is studying or reading in the kitchen or living room (our common areas), keep the toothpaste gunk-free, do the crappy stuff no one likes to do (keep the garbage can from getting sticky/smelly, emptying the sink strainer drain thing), respect privacy (especially when boyfriends visit), run errands for them if I'm out and about anyway...

We get along pretty well, but I want to go the extra mile for my roommates.

Help me be a better cohabitor!

How to stop being a racist?

cleardawn — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 07:15:50 -0800

How (or: Why) do people begin to stop being racist? How did you begin to learn to appreciate people of different races to your own? Nobody is born racist. But kids (of all races) often learn it at an early age from the people and images around them.

By the time I was 12, I was a nasty little fascist, ready to chat happily with my all-the-same-race friends about all kinds of ideas about what "we" should do about "them".

However, by the time I was 18, my opinions had changed, and I had friends from several races. It seems I experienced some kind of tipping point, at which I decided I wanted to learn about other races, rather than wanting to hate them.

Possibly, the thing that shifted the balance for me was learning a simple Buddhist meditation technique - the idea of sending "loving-kindness" out to "all sentient beings". But maybe it was something else... perhaps even something I didn't notice at the time.

How did you come to challenge the racism you learned as a child?

How can I stop being nice?

longbaugh — Wed, 23 Feb 2005 10:19:36 -0800

I am one of those people who will give you the shirt off their back. Problem is, sometimes it's a little chilly being half-nekkid in this damnable British weather... I can't help but be nice to everyone - I am extremely poor, hungry, in quite a poor state of health and in dire need of several tons of luck. Is there any way I can learn to stop being nice to other people? It's not an assertiveness issue at all but it's simply a desire to help others who need it. I just can't say no to anyone who needs assistance and I seem to go out of my way to help anyone.
A result of this is that I am the work guru, the agony uncle, the loan giver etc. I would very much like to do this in a way that will not offend others. Anyone had any luck with such a significant turnaround in their behaviour?