I have an awful reaction to being on the receiving end of compliments, gifts, and expressions of gratitude: visceral discomfort followed by impotent self-directed rage at having failed to insulate myself against any/all kindness. Ideally, I would love to be able to do things that other people consider to be nice without ever receiving any sort of thanks or even acknowledgment, but I know this is not a realistic goal. What are some concrete steps/resources I can use to learn how to change this overwrought bad attitude, and start meeting others' generosity, kindness, and gratitude with equanimity and grace rather than petulant rejection and destructive anger? [more inside]
posted by divined by radio
on Oct 7, 2013 -
I need advice for gracious, loving, kind, and assertive ways to deal with a very specific type of bullying. I don't really know what to call it, but I will describe it as best I can. [more inside]
posted by windykites
on Jul 19, 2013 -
I wonder whether there is a good listing somewhere of "Save the Cat" moments from movies? [more inside]
posted by steinsaltz
on Dec 15, 2012 -
A good human being is returning my lost iPhone and declining the posted reward. What's a good way to thank him? [more inside]
posted by dynamiiiite
on Nov 26, 2012 -
I made my alcoholic husband of 10 years leave a couple weeks ago. How to I be supportive, civil, and not lose my newly found sanity? [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on Feb 5, 2012 -
Every other night or so, my wife pokes around the internet for heartwarming news stories. But she doesn't have any reliable source for this process (she's taken to reading the Daily Mail (!) in hopes of finding her glurge fix; but of course the stories are as likely to rend her heart as warm it). She needs a reliable place on the internet to go for her heartwarmth. Please hope her! [more inside]
posted by Jpfed
on Jan 19, 2012 -
I know I'm a chronically early planner, but bear with me. I have two questions about the upcoming holidays:
1) Organizations similar to this one
that sends shoe boxes of toys to needy children.
2) Random acts of anonymous kindess but AT WORK.
More details inside: [more inside]
posted by librarianamy
on Nov 3, 2011 -
Would it be inappropriate to surprise your best friend at the airport who has been on a long international flight?
She'll be arriving alone in Abu Dhabi from Toronto this evening. We haven't seen each other in about five months. See further details below: [more inside]
posted by thatgirl1985
on Aug 26, 2011 -
We know that an abuser's contempt for his victim increases, the more he abuses her, in a vicious feedback loop. Are you aware of any studies suggesting the converse, that when I treat someone with kindness, my affinity increases, in a virtuous circle?
posted by markcmyers
on Jan 13, 2011 -
The aphorism "Be Kind, For Everyone You Meet Is Fighting A Hard Battle" is widely attributed (at least online) to Plato of Athens. I am having a difficult time finding the particular line in the dialogues where he makes this statement. Is this quote apocryphal? [more inside]
posted by joe lisboa
on Jun 11, 2010 -
Someone made a small, kind gesture to me years ago. It was just a few kind words but it meant a lot at the time. Do I email him and thank him? Or is that too weird? [more inside]
posted by christinetheslp
on Apr 24, 2010 -
Would it be inappropriate to perform so-called "random acts of kindness" to strangers or the people around me without asking? What about with permission? [more inside]
posted by joshrholloway
on Dec 1, 2008 -
What are some little things I can do to stay positive and kind to myself while going through some heartache? [more inside]
posted by loiseau
on Jan 28, 2008 -
I've always admired people who are just genuinely nice, warm folks and inspire everyone they talk to. I'd like to be one of those people when I grow up, but I don't know how to do it. Sometimes, when I do or say nice things, people get freaked out and think that I'm hitting on them, want something from them or am being insincere. That isn't the case, but every time it happens, I get a little more timid about doing nice things for people.
It's easy to get by with a prickly Dorothy Parker routine, but that's not how I want to live my life. And I'm sick of not doing or saying nice things just because I'm not socially adept enough to pull it off.
Being an asshole is easy, and no one ever questions your motives. How can I, as an introvert, act upon my nice impulses without freaking people out? What's the secret to being a mensch?
posted by freshwater_pr0n
on Nov 14, 2007 -
How (or: Why) do people begin to stop being racist? How did you begin to learn to appreciate people of different races to your own? [more inside]
posted by cleardawn
on Sep 21, 2005 -
I am one of those people who will give you the shirt off their back. Problem is, sometimes it's a little chilly being half-nekkid in this damnable British weather... [more inside]
posted by longbaugh
on Feb 23, 2005 -