Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with kids

The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing

woodvine — Thu, 23 May 2013 13:53:44 -0800

My precocious but angry 2.75-year-old and I just got fired from our home daycare situation. I feel like I need Super Nanny. What now? How do I get him to stop being so rude? My son will be three in October. He speaks in full sentences and is craftier than I ever believed a two-year-old could be. He recently figured out how to circumvent the doorknob cover in his room, which is there because he refuses to stay in his bed in the morning or for when he completely melts down and needs a nap, but refuses to stay in his bed.

We moved to Boston about 6 weeks ago. He seems to like it here, but misses his daddy. I think some of his troublesome behavior is due to the transition, and some of it is just because he's two. But my babysitter just told me she couldn't care for him anymore because he's out of control and taking all her attention away from the 3 other children in the house. So now, I have ten days to find another babysitter. (I really can't afford commercial daycare.)

Mostly, he refuses to listen. He ignores requests if they don't suit him and screams at the top of his lungs and kicks when he's made to comply. (Example: Sit in your car seat. It's time for a bath. Stay in your bed. Stop destroying that.) Sometimes he'll yell no directly into my (or the sitter's!) face. He throws food and toys and destroys anything around him that is destructible. When he's not being super sweet, which happens occasionally, he is just a tiny asshole.

I'm coping with this by working full-time and having a sitter! But also by remaining as extremely calm as I can, trying to redirect when possible, and meeting rule infractions (hitting, screaming inside, running inside, throwing things, and failure to listen) with instant time-outs. (We used to do 1-2-3, but I found that he simply waited until I said 2.) I have to sit with him in time-out, because he refuses to stay in place and will easily spend an hour running away before I can ever even set his two-minute timer. We have short, kid-language discussions about what rule was broken and in exactly what way, and he is required to apologize at the end of time out. I also try to point out what he is doing well.

We spend easily a third of our time together sitting in time-out. I'm kind of at my wit's end--clearly, time outs are not working. My parents controlled me with spanking, but I'd really prefer not to parent via threat of violence. And I don't want to send him to a different sitter and have the same problem all over again. Any and all ideas are welcome. I've seen this previously and this previously.

Food...for a kid...on a plane.

gnutron — Thu, 23 May 2013 09:16:31 -0800

Seeking suggestions for non-perishable foodstuffs to feed a toddler while flying cross country. So next week we embark on our annual cross-country parental pilgrimage. Me, my wife and our 4 year old flying from SFO -> TPA with one short layover. Works out to about 8+ hours of traveling, so we need to bring food for the kid. In the past we have stuffed a bunch of snacks into a travel lunch bag with a reuseable ice pack. Yogurt, cheese, noodles and such.

But last year, kid got hellaciously, awfully sick after arrival. (12 hours of barfing, seemed like food poisoning, possibly from something that spolied during travel.) This year, we want to avoid a similar outcome by only bringing non-perishable foods for the flight.

So far I'm thinking fruit (apples, oranges, banana), jerky, seaweed, nuts, crackers, peanut butter, granola bars. Is there anything else obvious that I'm missing?

How to talk to kids about relatives who smoke?

rouftop — Tue, 21 May 2013 16:51:11 -0800

My children's adored grandmother is a smoker. She doesn't smoke in front of the kids but does take several smoke breaks a day, and while our two year old is oblivious, our four year old is probably close to figuring out what's up. Growing up, I had no relatives who smoked, and my parents pushed the "boy, smokers sure think they look cool, don't they look stupid though?" angle which worked fine on me. Obviously that isn't going to work in this case. How do you talk with young children about smoking as a Bad Thing when relatives smoke?

What is the best non-fiction book for kids in your field of study/work?

winston — Sat, 18 May 2013 12:17:35 -0800

My kids (currently 6 and 9) have become voracious readers. We have a large and varied collection of excellent fiction for them, but the non-fiction collection is more haphazard. They love learning new facts as they read (the type of thing that makes them look up from the book and say, "Did you know...?"). I want to make sure that the collection of books gives them a good introduction to fields where I myself may not have enough knowledge to judge the quality/accuracy of the book. So what's the kid's book in your field that makes you say, "If only every kid got to read this book, people would understand [topic] better."? If you don't know whether it's a suitable reading level for my kids' ages, go ahead and suggest it anyway. We can figure it out or save it for later.

Sac-SLC-Denver road trip with a five-year-old

DakotaPaul — Mon, 13 May 2013 11:34:58 -0800

We're road-tripping from Sacramento to Salt Lake City to Denver with our five-year-old, and are looking for tips on routes and places to stop. This is our son’s second major road trip, but our first on this particular route. Our current plan is to leave Sac in the morning, spend the night in Salt Lake City, move on to Denver the next day, then do the reverse a week later. Some questions we have:

1. We realize Sac to Salt Lake City is going to be a long day of driving, so any good scenic viewpoints, rest stops, restaurants, parks or any other place that’s good to get out and stretch the legs or run off some energy would be good. Do you have any favorites?

2. Is Dinosaur National Monument worth the side trip? As soon as we mentioned “dinosaur bones” our son’s face lit up. According to Google Maps, the quickest way to Denver would then be US 40 and I-70. Is that a decent drive?

3. For the trip back, which is more interesting or has more places to stop between Salt Lake City and Denver: I-80 or I-70?

Any other tips would be appreciated. Thanks!

American toys for German kids

plantbot — Wed, 08 May 2013 21:47:48 -0800

What are some great gifts I could bring from the US (northeast) to kids in Germany who range in age from 3 to 8 years old? What cool kid stuff is available in the US that might be novel for kids in Germany these days?

did I just make up this story?

tan_coul — Tue, 07 May 2013 21:38:38 -0800

I heard this short story on audio on a family car trip ~15 years ago, give or take a few years. I'm pretty sure it was a horror story. I don't know if it was targeted towards kids, but I was elementary aged when I heard it. Two kids, a carnival, and a evil being in the clouds. From what (little) I remember, the story involved two children. I believe they are at a carnival? A storm starts brewing, and in the clouds, one of the children can make out a face. The children are on the swings, and the cloud monster snatches one of them. The sky clears, the storm goes away as quickly as it came. Though everyone searches, no trace is ever found of the child who was snatched up by the sky. I think that the remaining child was the only one who saw the cloud monster, and all of the adults have no idea how the little girl just vanished from the swings.

I don't remember any of the other stories that were with it on the tape. But for years after hearing this one, I watched for cloud monsters whenever I went on the swings. I would love to revisit it.

Any thoughts? I know this isn't exactly much to go on.

Loft beds for children under 10

humanfont — Sat, 04 May 2013 10:14:43 -0800

My daughters want loft beds for their room. However I'm a bit concerned about their ability to get down in the middle of the night, particularly the 5 year old, who is a bit short. I've looked into a DIY solution but I really don't have the time. Custom furniture is a bit out of the budget under $600. The Ikea models seem a bit wobbly and too tall.. Does anyone have any suggestions for ones that are lower height or preferably adjustable as the kids get taller?

Graduation dinner in NYC

vrakatar — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 17:37:28 -0800

Old friend coming to the city in a few weeks sent me the following: "We are looking for a place for a graduation dinner. Likely about 11 people -- with a couple of kids. We want something good, but festive and fun. Any ideas?" I think it is Columbia, but not sure where that places the ceremony, or if they want something close. Maybe Calle Ocho? Is that place still there? I used to be a waiter and so hooked into the scene, but now I have no clue where to send these folks. Help me help them, hivemind!

In Portland, OR for a week with a toddler. What shouldn't I miss?

mmc — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:33:26 -0800

We're going to Portland for a week-long vacation (and maybe a moving trial run) in a few days. We've visited before, but this time we're taking our 2-year-old daughter, and I wanted to ask if there are any great toddler friendly destinations or day trips that we shouldn't miss. Any tips on kid-friendly restaurants and organic grocery shopping in NW Portland are also appreciated. It doesn't have to be a spectacular place. Just a nice neighborhood park with a cool play area would be good to hear about. Or a cool toy store - we saw Finnegan's last time, are there any other ones we should hit up?

Are there any great kid-friendly restaurants we should know about? I'm not talking chuck-e-cheese games, but if it has booth seating and is informal enough that a little loudness is OK, that's friendly enough.

We'll also be cooking while we're there, so any tips on where to shop for good organic groceries would be appreciated. I can find a Whole Foods, but if there's a local store that's better, I'd love to know.

What are the best IKEA products for ages one to three?

Xalf — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:44:09 -0800

We are making a rare trip to IKEA tomorrow in part to get a table and chairs for our one-year old. What are other IKEA items that we should look at for him? The last time we braved IKEA, Young Master Xalf was just three months old. I was impressed by the selection in the kids section, but that was a while ago and I didn't have the perspective I have now that he's one.

So, what are your favorite things for kids from IKEA? I'm willing to consider anything they sell: furniture, toys, meatballs, etc. I put ages one to three in the title because I hope to not go back for at least a year or two.

We already have the awesome BUSA tunnel. Here it is in use.

What are some good free download games for young kids?

The otter lady — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 08:55:08 -0800

I'm gifting my laptop to my far-away sister, and want to pre-load it with some fun, free, friendly games she can use to entertain her live-in grandkids (ages 4 and 2). Any suggestions? I don't think she has reliable internet, and the laptop itself is rather old (running Windows XP), but I know it can handle some older games like Baldur's Gate and Civ 4. It does have Flash and Java installed. I'm thinking educational stuff but also just fun things, which I can download and install before sending it, to save her the time and because I'm not sure about her internet connection.

Preview offers this, but it's a little old (2007).... also I look at those games and I have no idea which ones a kid would like and which ones they would find dull.

I'm hoping some Mefites can tell me "Oh! You have to get (x), my kids love it!" If there's a game that's SO AWESOME, but not free, I might be willing to buy it, but my budget is really really limited.

Thanks for any help!

Friend to employer? New relationship guidelines...

lasamana — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 08:21:56 -0800

So Mr. lasamana got a job (yay!). He had an offer from a company that was not local and an offer that was local but with a fair amount of travel. We made our decision in part by Mefi. Now the question - he’s now working for the local company that includes 2 separate friends of ours. They are his bosses. He seems cool with it but I’m having an issue. We (3 couples) are friendly through our kids. 2 of ours and separately 1 each of theirs (different ages). Occasionally we got together as moms and socialized. This happens maybe 2x/year. Our conversation runs the gamut and included personal stuff. Not to mention we run into each other in the store, etc. I feel very leery all of a sudden about these relationships. Not to mention I sense a sudden cooling off by one of the wives. Is it better to let these friendships fade or maintain as if nothing changed? I should one of these couples has been very good to one of kids even including him on overnight trips and stuff. Now I’m concerned even about the propriety of that in relation to other employees. Do I have a valid concern? Want to add I really like both couples and have had great fun with the wives.

Brady Bunch to be, please help make everyone happy.

bleucube — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 07:55:08 -0800

Can you please recommend any books that might help on when/how to introduce new boyfriend/girlfriend to kids when divorced? Do you have any advice based on your experience; include anything you would do different in hindsight? I know all kids and circumstances are different but there has to be a general outline that produces happier outcomes for kids involved. More info inside. My girlfriend and I would like to live together. Both divorced. I’m 41 she is 39 and we each have two children. My children (both girls) are 4 and 8 years old, hers are 8 and 11 (girl and boy). I would be selling my house and moving about 15 miles away. I have joint custody of my kids. She has full custody of hers. We like to do this in a planned healthy manner. Neither set of kids have met nor do they know we are dating. We discussed a slow introduction starting out in social situations with other friends and families involved. Slowly doing one-on-one activities and eventually letting them know we are dating (although they will probably know sooner [they probably know now - just not who]). We suspect it will be a year before we will bring up living together and that’s after we received ex-spouses blessing (that they approve of the other person living with their kids).

Sticks and stones...

youandiandaflame — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 18:37:28 -0800

My (8 year old) son is tender hearted. I'd like to help him cope with kid insults better. So, um...how do I do that? My son is...sensitive. We've had issues with bullying this past year and I have addressed those with parents and teachers and those larger, seemingly harder to handle problems don't seem to be too much of an issue any longer. Please trust, for the purpose of my question, that this isn't a large bullying problem, but instead just a sensitive kid with a mother who wants to do best by teaching him how to deal with his emotions and cope so he's not so sad over some kid not liking his haircut...

My question pertains to how my son handles (or doesn't) insults and taunts from kids his age. I know that "kids will be kids" is often something used as an excuse for bullying but I'm certain that I have a pretty clear handle on what is just typical kid's stuff and situations in which I need to step in as a parent and advocate for my son. I'd like some help in compassionately dealing with my son when he is hurt but also teaching him to have skin that's a little thicker...

Here are some quick facts and questions (the latter of which I bolded just for clarity):

-- My son is an only child. He is 8. I am a single mother.

-- He has serious issues sticking up for himself in that he cannot fathom why anyone would be mean to anyone and instead of walking away from a kid taunting him he will try and talk it out and reason (as best an 8 year old can). This doesn't really work and just prolongs the situation. How can I explain and teach him that walking away is sometimes the best option?

-- He is a cryer. When faced with a taunt and the inability to understand why someone would do that, he just cries. This of course leads to more taunts. I really, really try to be sensitive to this but sometimes it's hard for me (he has seen me cry less than a handful of times in 8 years). Friday, he cried in class because there was a vote on a party theme and his favorite did not win. Another child mocked him and called him a crybaby. He was relaying this tragedy to me and I was trying really hard to be sympathetic but it took a lot of drowning out the "maybe don't be a baby about not getting your way and then people won't make fun of you!" in my head. I was at a loss for words because I could offer no comfort. So, where's the line here? I obviously don't want to agree with a kid picking on my own but I don't want to baby and pamper his every complaint either.

-- Son is articulate for his age and gifted. He does amazing in school and plays plenty of sports (on teams with the kids that occasionally rib on him). He is friends with these boys 98% of the time. When they throw a quick insult his way he becomes convinced they "don't like him". How can I tamper down these thoughts?

-- He goes to a small school, 18 kids in his class.

Honestly, it's becoming tiring trying to talk him out of his sadness (over what a grown up would certainly deem silly problems) everyday after school. He says his day was horrible, I'm immediately concerned and ask why, and then he relays a story about how Joe Blow didn't like his socks and it's ruined his life. The thing is, he's just sweetly tender hearted -- he's the kid sticking up for the bullied kids on the playground. That makes me incredibly proud and the qualities he has now will be amazing to behold in a grown man (if they stick) but right now, they're making his day to day a little rough.

So, were you this kid? Where you overly sensitive in grade school? How did you learn to cope? Am I being too callous by even calling him overly sensitive? What can I do to help him learn to weather these taunts better? How do I help him toughen his skin and if that's not the answer, what's the better course of action? I want to walk the fine line of hearing him out and validating his right to be hurt but I don't want to enable him in a way that continues to allow him to let these things ruin his day. How do I do that?

For the record, I'm not an overly sensitive person and I'm not outwardly emotional at all. In school when I got picked on I used quick wit to deflect and disarm anyone that was mean to me. My son just doesn't seem to be built that way so even answers that spell out where his head may be at in taking everything said to him so seriously helps me, too.

Parents - what do you do to relax ?

sgt.serenity — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 12:19:02 -0800

I'm interested in how other parents manage to share the workload and arrange rest times for themselves and their partners. We have a 21 month child here and i'm wondering if any other parents figured out a self caring kind of routine for themselves - you know on sunday you get 5 minutes for a cup of tea all to yourself kind of thing. I've noticed that places that are oases of peace for adults - beaches, farms etc are now places where danger lurks around every corner, its quite tiring and we could use some suggestions on relaxation from those more experienced.

Quality paints for kids?

rada — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 08:44:25 -0800

Where can I find paints for kids that are "professional" quality yet not "professionally" expensive? I bought Crayola paints and they are terrible. I am looking for something (a) reasonably priced but pigmented enough get my toddler excited about colors, (b) doesn't require swirling a brush for a good long minute to get the color going, (c) available on the internet. I don't mind if they are messy/unwashable. I don't know anything about colors so please specify both the brand and the type of paint in your recommendation. If the paper makes a real difference, please recommend that too!

Special needs teachers deserve a special thank you

look busy — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:18:56 -0800

We have received services from the school district and we are about to lose our teachers due to our daughter aging out of the program. We'd like to give nice and appropriate gifts to the teachers who have helped our daughter for the last two and a half years. My daughter, who has extreme developmental disabilities, is about to age out of of the birth to three program though our school district (Minneapolis. Great program. Can't say enough good things.)

She has worked with several teachers and specialists who have known her since she was a few months old. The program changes at age three and she will soon go to a school to work with a new group of teachers and specialists.

These teachers have been absolutely wonderful. I want to thank them and let them know how much good they've done and how much my wife and I appreciate their efforts. Aside from writing each of them a letter, I'm at a loss as to what kind of gift is appropriate to give. They are public employees who may not be able to accept much of value but I'd like to get them something nice. I've considered donating to the school district in their names, which I might do anyway, but I'd like to do something personalized for each of them.

Does anyone have experience with this? I know I could pull each of them aside and tell them how much they meant to us and hand them a gift, but I don't want to put them in a bad position. Our daughter is unable to use language or otherwise communicate so anything must come from us.

When to start kindergarten for a late-November-birthday?

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:56:35 -0800

My four-year-old son’s birthday is in late November. In our state, that means we can choose whether he starts (all-day) kindergarten this coming fall, when he’s 4-going-on-5, or next year, when he’ll be 5-going-on-6. I’m pretty paralyzed over this decision. I’m looking for insights, especially those with some sort of data behind them, to help. Specifics:

We’re in a middle-class town in Connecticut. Our neighborhood public elementary school seems really good. Our son is in pre-school in the neighborhood 2 mornings a week, so he knows about a dozen kids, most of whom will be starting kindergarten next year (there are some with January-Feb birthdays who will not, though).

We know many families with kids starting school in the fall and the kids seem like a really good group, and it’s kids he’d already be comfortable around. One of his potential classmate’s mothers is a teacher and has encouraged us to enroll him this fall, her opinion is you can always repeat kindergarten if it’s not working out, but you can’t skip a grade to catch up if you’re not being challenged.

He also attends a different pre-k program at a parochial school in town. He’s there two mornings a week. If we don’t send him to kindergarten, he’ll still do some pre-k 4 or 5 half-days a week.

So he has 4 half-days a week of school now. In talking with his teachers, they say he could do fine academically and socially at kindergarten if we choose to send him.

He’d been delayed to develop speech and received speech therapy from age 2 to 3. At 3 he was judged to be OK (care would’ve transitioned from a state service to the town schools) and stopped getting services. He’s also painfully shy and won’t speak above a whisper at school or in a social setting (friend’s house, birthday party, etc).

So although I’ve blanketed you with details about our personal situation, I’m actually more interested in any data that might be out there as to kids’ success based on the age they start school. Thanks.

Your H1N1 is in the mail...

jferg — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:14:50 -0800

Great-grandma is sick in the hospital. Kids want to send her letters and drawings (crayon on office paper, ca. 2013) ... but kids are sick with unknown illness (flu-like symptoms - fever, cough, etc). How to avoid spreading the germs through the mail? Transit time in the mail is just across the state, so probably 2 days at most. Any suggestions for how best to prevent getting someone who is (hopefully) recovering from surgery in the ICU sick? Or am I just overthinking this? Unfortunately I don't have easy access to a UV light, which was my first thought.

Where are the best places in LA to live with a family?

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 08:29:22 -0800

You're considering a move to Los Angeles for a job in Irvine. You and your (stay-at-home) wife are both in your early 30s, and have two young (under two years old) children. You were raised in the midwest, and prefer the suburbs. You want to live in an area that has lots of other young families and easy access to eating and shopping and preschools and other things like that. You don't want to spend more than 30 minutes or so commuting. You want to spend about $3,000 per month on rent for a 3+ bedroom single-family-home (or condo, you suppose). What areas of Los Angeles do you focus on?

Android apps for a six-year-old?

Mo Nickels — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 15:04:22 -0800

I bought my son a low-end Android tablet and now I want to load it up with quality applications. I'm looking for equal parts entertainment, education, and beautiful UI. He likes drawing, art, nature, science, Pokémon, puppets, maps, animals, monsters, comics, making his own books, and I don't know what all. Something up to about age 10 would probably be fine for him

So, what apps would you recommend? Anything exceptional or particularly outstanding or unusual?

Or do you know a good, regularly updated list online? Nearly all the recommendations or articles I found online were shills, or filled with stupid apps no human child would use, or were filled with apps so ugly you'd have to put a paper bag over the tablet every time you turned it on.

Politely parenting my kid's playdates?

Bardolph — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:28:25 -0800

My preschooler is getting just old enough to have a proper social life (playdates, birthday parties, etc.). I've got some specific questions about the parental etiquette expectations surrounding these kiddie get-togethers. Since my husband and I are busy introverts, we've never really done any parent meetups or playgroups or any kind of organized socialization; little B (4ish) has played with other kids pretty much exclusively ad-hoc on the playground, or at school/daycare. As she gets old enough to get invites to more directed kinds of socializing, though, I'm wondering what the current conventions are for parent involvement in this stuff. Specifically:

--Playdates: must we stop by and introduce ourselves as parents a couple days before the date? May we, if we'd like to from a safety standpoint? Can we ask where the kids would be playing? Should we provide this info unasked if/when other people are checking us out?

--Likewise, on playdates at other people's houses, is one of us expected to stay there the whole time? If not, is it OK for one of us to stay there, just to keep an eye on things? May/should we follow the kids around the house, or do we stay seated in whatever adult space we're offered? If we do stay, do we have to chat with the other parent the whole time (ugh), or is it cool to bring a book or some work or something?

-- For playdates at our house: must/should we invite the other parents to stay? If they do stay, do we have to hang out with them the whole time? (please please say we don't)

-- Ditto birthday parties: do we stay? Do we help? Must we chat? Do we follow the kids?

-- Post-encounter thank-you notes (from us/her): required? expected? And in response to which invites?

-- And lastly, any other do's/don'ts we should be aware of?

As you may have guessed, I'm kind of dreading the whole thing, both from a safety standpoint (just read Protecting the Gift, which is very eloquent on the potential for creepy sexual violence from friends' random elder brothers, uncles, fathers, etc.) and in terms of the social requirements for myself-- so it'd be particularly helpful to know what the bounds of decorum are on the high-supervision, but low-social-engagement, end of the spectrum. Location, if it matters, is middle-class suburban USA. Thanks!

Why do people die from viruses?

stinker — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 17:03:32 -0800

How can I explain to my 7-year-old why viruses kill their hosts? My daughter is thinking about viruses and why we sneeze and cough and how these things are vectors for virus reproduction. She asked me yesterday why viruses would kill their host since this would seriously limit the virus's ability to spread itself around. I didn't have a good answer for this, and the answers I've found on the internet don't really break it down to first grade level. Any help is much appreciated.

A good rug for a lot of on-your-knees train-track making?

Ollie — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 07:23:41 -0800

Is a cotton dhurrie rug a good choice for a kid's room? How about a wool one? I'm looking for a rug for my kids' room. Price is a major consideration. I'm thinking about a cotton dhurrie rug (like this one) or a wool dhurrie rug like this one.

My major concern is that a cotton rug, while feeling nice and soft to play on, will bunch like a blanket on the floor. I'm planning to get a thick rug pad, like 3/8 of an inch thick, but will that be sufficient? What about velcroing the edges to the floor? We're a clumsy family and I don't want anyone tripping over the edges of curled-up rugs. There will be a lot of squirmy, leap-y toddler play on this rug.

Any advice on this subject? I don't want to order a rug online and then have to ship it back. I'm in Brooklyn if that matters.