Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with jokes

oh God, that was terrible.

Pants! — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 09:57:52 -0800

I'm looking for more silly jokes involving tents and wordplay. Examples inside. Example: Man goes to psychologist. Says he's having a reoccurring dream where he turns into a teepee, then a wigwam, then a teepee, then a wigwam. What does it mean, doc? Doc says: "I think you are too tense" (er, two tents!)

2nd example: Did you hear about the fire at the campsite? It was intense (in tents!!!!)

Alternatively, if you have the gag ("intense") but not the joke, maybe we can work from there.

Tell me your favorite dark joke

phyrewerx — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:17:11 -0800

As a follow-up to my last question - what's your favorite dark, cynical, gallows-humour style joke? I'm still working on my ability to tell funny ice breakers. However, most of the stuff I see out there are funny simply because they're dirty. Can anyone suggest clean, but dark jokes? What sites or books do you guys recommend also?

What are some great joke books?

surenoproblem — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:03:27 -0800

What are some great joke books, written with attention to the craft of how a joke or story is told? Most joke books I see in bookshops look like someone has just found a huge amount of jokes online, then cut, pasted and paginated--many don't even bother to credit an author.

When I was young, I owned a joke book called Leo Rosten's Book of Laughter. It was obvious that Rosten was the sort of person you meet at parties who captivates an entire room with his stories.

Even though the book included some old jokes we've all heard, it was fantastic to see how a great storyteller approached the structure, tensions, peaks and troughs of a joke.

Can you recommend any similar resources? I suppose I'm less interested in just a bunch of jokes, but more in a collection of well-crafted jokes.

I already like listening to the Moth podcast.

Not so fast.

StopMakingSense — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 22:44:50 -0800

Everybody who knows the origin of this gag, take one step forward... Not so fast, internet. Where has this gag been used/what are it's origins?

I remember initially hearing it (seeing it?) as something like a military setting where the general(?) says , "Everybody whose mother is still alive, take one step forward...Not so fast, [name of soldier]."

Or alternately, "Everyone who's still a member of [organization], step over the line...Not so fast, [ousted member]."

Have any good jokes about your rival town or school district?

BirdD0g — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 14:24:33 -0800

Jokefilter: Rival towns and school districts often have some really funny one-liners at one another's expense. Know any good ones? Some examples after the jump. Why wasn't Jesus born in [your town]? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Why do birds fly upside down over [your town]? There's nothing worth sh*tting on.

Did you hear [my town] is getting a new zoo? They're putting a fence up around [your town].

Pun-ishment?

Navelgazer — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:23:40 -0800

An odd question about puns as a form of torturous humor. So, being an obsessive fan of dissecting humor until the patient is dead, I've been working for a while on a theory about puns. Puns, as far as I can tell, are not intrinsically funny to any but a select few. Most others seem to view them not only as bad jokes, which would be one thing, but on some degree actually painful. As someone who appreciates well-crafted wordplay (though one who has rarely, if ever, laughed at it) I can now recognize my reaction to be less " hey, clever!" and more, "ouch, damn, well played, god sir," as if the pun had struck me with an epee despite all of my best defenses.

In further support of this, I've noticed that the only times I've ever LAUGHED at puns were in the prescence of one or more people I've known who seem particularly averse to them - otherwise normal, capable members of society for whom puns don't just make them groan, but bring them to the point of near-fitful anger. In these cases, of course, use of puns increases exponentially, because everyone present knows that they're just being used to piss off the victim, which adds the element that actually makes them laugh-worthy.

So my question(s), I guess:

1. Am I crazy? Do others simply view puns as bad jokes, and not have this other painful reaction to them?

2. How common is this "uncommon" angry reaction?

3. What the hell would cause wordplay to differentiate itself from other bad jokes as far as the reaction one could expect?

What's the joke thas hase the punchline "what and give up show business"

bonecrusher — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:42:58 -0800

What's the original joke that has the punchline "what, and give up show business?" Google doesn't help, since it's such a common reference, most links are using the line assuming you know the joke.

I need a tuxedo......t-shirt!

chrisfromthelc — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 09:50:49 -0800

I need a tuxedo t-shirt. Oh, and I need it by Friday. I'm seeing a friend this weekend, and as a part of a long-running, convoluted joke, I need to show up wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. I only realized that I needed it this morning, and have been racking my brain trying to think of a place in Houston that carries that sort of stuff.

Any ideas?

He really butchered that joke.

peggynature — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 10:22:44 -0800

Am I oversensitive? This morning, I thought I would tell my husband a humorous story that was told at my uncle's funeral. My uncle killed himself six months ago, and it was a very sad time for me and my family.

So, I told the humourous story, and when I was finished, he said, "Well, you sure butchered that story." I guess I gave him shocked/angry look, and he followed up with, "No offense."

I was really hurt by this. I suppose I was sharing the story not just in the way one would pass on a joke, but because it was my uncle's story, and I am still grieving his death, and I just felt like...sharing, and maybe having a laugh at the story together -- not becoming the butt of the joke myself. I got quite upset, to which my husband responded that he was only joking, and that he makes jokes like this all the time (i.e., saying something totally inappropriate and otherwise offensive at key moments, but with a delivery that indicates he's only joking. I guess I missed his "delivery" this time, because he sounded like he was serious.)

I was still quite upset. I understand the kind of joking he's referring to, and I do normally undersand when he does it, and I guess I find it funny in most situations. But in this situation? When someone is telling you a story from a funeral of a loved one who recently committed suicide? Is that really an okay time to decide, "I'm going to do that boneheaded insensitive joke thing I do" ?

I have to admit, I started crying. I told him it was a jerky thing to say. He told me that I also tell insensitive jokes, like sometimes I tell him to shut up sarcastically, and that it might hurt his feelings but he never overreacts to it.

To which I replied, "Okay we can't talk about this anymore. Not only did you hurt my feelings, now you've pissed me off." And I went out of the room to cool down for a while.

What I don't understand is, truly, am I being oversensitive? If he has a history of making such jokes, to which I normally respond well, does that mean I am now prohibite from being offended by them at truly sensitive moments?

In my opinion, he should apologize to me and stop trying to justify it as a joke. But I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. (For the record, he has said stuff along the lines of, "If I knew it would hurt you, I never would have said it" and "Well, I'm sorry." Still, I feel either the apologies were not sincere, or they were inadequate for the offense caused. They were more like, "Well I'm sorry to have offended you" than "It was the wrong thing to say, and I'm sorry.")

"One time at camp..." What?

PatoPata — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:41:49 -0800

"One time at camp..." What joke am I missing? I'm going to teach at an adult music camp. When people hear this, they say, "One time at camp..." and start chortling. What are they referring to? Is this a line from a movie or what?

I was a 100% urban kid who never went to camp, I didn't know any kids who did, and I haven't watched TV in decades. So pretend you're explaining this to an alien.

...Boxing and referees!

The Wig — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:43:22 -0800

I recently heard a joke on the show 30 Rock: "I love Foxy Boxing. It combines my two favorite things: boxing and referees!". I think I've heard this joke before. I feel like it was on Futurama. Is this my imagination?

Help me be a fantastic Cabaret MC . . . I need jokes, tricks, filler lines, and so on . . . oh, and this Cabaret is also a wedding!

donovan — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:22:44 -0800

Help me be a fantastic Cabaret MC . . . I need jokes, tricks, filler lines, and so on . . . oh, and this Cabaret is also a wedding! Two dear friends are not just having a wedding, they're holding "Marry Me! A Cabaret Spectacular!"

I'm MCing a Cabaret show that will include burlesque, live music, juggling, an aerial performance (and so much more!), culminating in the lovely couple being married on stage by yours truly.

I'm kicking off the show and will be filling time between introducing acts and I want to have stockpile of:
**Jokes
**One liners
**Dead simple (can be stupid) magic tricks
**Anything that might make the audience laugh and smile

The tone can be funny, campy, irreverant, whatever! I'm hoping the hivemind can help me with some material!

Please and thank you!

No zingers here

reenum — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:52:59 -0800

How can I cultivate a quicker wit? I have a decent sense of humor. I can make jokes and people will laugh. When I regale people with my (prepared) bon mots at parties, there are hearty chuckles.

However, when someone snaps on me, I have a hard time coming up with a retort or a comeback. I'll inevitably come up with something lame and make myself look as lame as they allege I am. I'll usually come up with something later, but it's too late to go back and say anything at point (think George Costanza and the jerk store).

So my question is this: Are there any techniques or methods I might employ to become quicker witted?

Have any weird food facts/jokes for a Canadian farmers market?

KathyK — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 12:27:43 -0800

Do you have any weird food facts/jokes for a Canadian farmers market? I'm going to be a vendor at a local farmers market that is kicking off its first year this upcoming weekend in eastern Ontario. I'll be selling excess produce from my gardens as well as some baked goods and plants. I want to have a small sign that says, "Did you know..." with some weird food/garden facts and jokes of the local produce we'd be selling.

Examples of local vegetables are asparagus, beets, cabbage, carrots, cucumber, lettuce, onion, beans, corn, etc.
Examples of local fruits are apples, rhubarb, blueberries, watermelon, raspberries, strawberries and more.

So, facts for bananas, pineapples and mangoes wouldn't really fit as we can't grow it in our USDA Zone 4 climate.

A couple that I really like are:
- Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under his hat to keep cool and changed it every two innings.
- In the 1600s English women wore carrot leaves in their hats instead of flowers or feathers.

Thanks!

Funny like Jack Handey.

therubettes — Mon, 26 May 2008 08:49:47 -0800

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone. I love the writings of Jack Handey. His Deep Thoughts (beware sound!) and his articles in the New Yorker. I would love to hear recommendations of similarly funny writings. I can re-read his writing without it's losing any of it's impact or ability to make me laugh.

I know humour is subjective (and doesn't dissect well), but a few of the things I love about his writing are:
The fact that its all punchline no filler (short attention span), not nasty just surreal and perhaps most of all it's his stupidity, petty concerns and dumb/skewed observations that get me.

David Sedaris has come up in searches for similar so I know about him. For those of you who haven't heard of Jack here are two of this thoughts and two articles:

Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our 'stink' around. The second is we both get hit by cars a lot. The third is stripes.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

....there are hundreds of others.

Ideas for Paintings
Tatoo

My shoes have been red all week so what's with the fifth day of jokes?

Anonymous — Sat, 24 May 2008 07:15:17 -0800

Why do people I know, both acquaintances and quasi-friends, bring up my oddities whenever we go out together? It annoys me, and I wonder if I'm overreacting. I've been told all my life that in the next stage, I would finally fit in, meet people "just like me". My parents told me that as they readied me for middle school, high school, then college, and finally grad school. I've never quite fit in - I'm bright and have a very dry sense of humor and am not great at socializing. Which makes it even more uncomfortable when people (gently) tease me about my quirks in every conversation they have with me.

*I like red. I have several pairs of red shoes and probably wear one piece of red clothing 3-4x weekly (either shoes, shirt, or jacket).

*I like hot food. I wouldn't say insanely hot, but I like pretty spicy stuff. Whenever I'm out with aforementioned social contacts I ask waitresses to make my dish "hot".

Several people I know make jokes about either my food preferences or my red clothes every single time I see them (on the order of 1-2x weekly). At first I thought the jokes were funny, too, but it has gotten totally old and now I bristle as they make the inevitable joke about my clothing. Even when I don't order hot food or wear red, they make jokes about the LACK of it.

I've wondered if it is because they don't know what else to say to me, or that this might be the only fact they remember about me and teasing me about my red shoes is a way of opening the conversation, but it gets pretty annoying.

Am I overreacting for finding this somewhat tiresome? It's like short people jokes except rather than new people constantly repeating the joke, it is the same person repeating the same joke.

I heard it first, I want the royalties

Xurando — Sun, 18 May 2008 05:43:56 -0800

Help me find the origin of the joke/song/story "Missing My Son" as told by Tom Waits. I first heard this story in 1979. It was told to me almost verbatim the way Waits tells it, only the son had been killed in Viet Nam. My sense is it originally came from a comedy routine but now is definitely in the public domain.

Can anyone help me narrow down the original source?

What is this sort of joke called?

coizero — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 16:06:12 -0800

Is there a name for this style of joking? Set-up: Person A asks a question. Punchline: Person B -- by pretending to misunderstand the question -- gives an unexpected response. The Marx Bros used this style a lot, and I see it over and over on "Flight of the Conchords. " ALSO: Can anyone offer further examples of this? Thank you so much! :-)

Surprisingly short jokes.

Carbolic — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 08:28:44 -0800

I'm looking for jokes that sound like they are going to be very involved at the start but end up being very short. Examples:

Set up: A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
Bartender: What is this? Some kind of joke?

Set up: A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender: Hey fella, why the long face?

For whatever reason I just love these things and would like to find others.

Can a number be funny?

sourwookie — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:56:48 -0800

I have a show tomorrow night, I know nothing about sports, and I need to mod a hoodie. Help with funny/edgy names and numbers. So I'm playing with a band tomorrow night and it was decided our dress theme would be any shirt, jersey or jacket with athletic style, including numbers and maybe player names.

So my plan is to pick up a hoodie, and use iron on lettering to put a number and maybe a name on there, but I would like it to be a joke of some sort.

69 is so obvious it's lame, and 42, while a little better, is also too obvious.

Anyone got any name/number combinations to get me going.

Is it possible to have silly and humorous interactions with people without coming across as stupid?

gregb1007 — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:24:44 -0800

Is there something I can do to gradually increase my comfort with being "silly/fun" while making sure that I don't put people off? Here's a dilemma I have. I often see some people who trade private jokes, say funny/crazy things in each other's presence, make silly movements, or sing along something to each other.

Now, when I see them being "silly", I get jealous because I can't get to that level in my social interactions. Many years ago in high school and early years of college, the people I hung out with thought that my attempts at being silly, such as jokes, gestures, or maybe tunes that I would sing for a few seconds, were dumb. They said that much and in retrospect I think they were right.

Of course, to avoid being a socially awkward lamer, I deliberately cut out the silly, impromptu sayings/gestures out of my communications in most cases. I switched to deliberate, clear communication. I think my goal has been to command respect and I have for that reason learned to dress and speak conservatively. (I also rarely drink, but my dislike of alcohol is a whole matter onto itself.)

I do have positive memories of having well thought-out comments in conversations, but I think I am missing out on the fun of being a silly person. I think that it would be great to have fun and be loose. However, obviously enough, I am pretty sure that this is something that I can't permit myself because I don't have the skills for it. I certainly don't want to let my attempts humor make people look me at as an empty-headed moron.

Now, is there something I can do to gradually increase my comfort with being "silly/fun" while making sure that I don't put people off?

Got any good short, silly one-liner jokes?

angryjellybean — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 09:51:12 -0800

Got any good short, silly one-liner jokes? I've already seen http://ask.metafilter.com/56592/Short-jokes <- that question, so I know this has already been discussed. I just wanted to see if there were any fresh ones, as I've picked the few I liked from there already.

An example of my current favourite is "What's red and invisible?" "No tomatoes."

Anything quick and simple like this is perfect - it's for SMS messages to send someone.
(I've already done extensive Google searches several times, also, and found a number of good ones, but that source quickly dries up.)

France vs Quebec

mustcatchmooseandsquirrel — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 12:36:06 -0800

I'm looking for comics, cartoons, and jokes that focus on Quebec-French vs France-French. Could you help me find some?

Practical hunting joke

aleahey — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 21:03:05 -0800

What is the name of the practical joke you play on people, where you pretend to take them xyz hunting, and you get them to go wait somewhere while you "flush" the xyz out. But you actually just like...go home.

Do you know jokes which presuppose obscure knowledge?

Kattullus — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:56:47 -0800

I love esoteric jokes, the kind of humor which presupposes a lot of specialized knowledge. The more opaque the joke is, the better. However, by their very nature they're kinda hard to search for on Google, or at least I rarely hit upon the magic searchterms. So, do you know good sites with specialist jokes? If not, do you know any particularly obscure jokes? The obscure knowledge can be anything, from jokes about insect migration to Persian satraps to Alkali basalt to flavors of quark, anything goes. The subject matter is not what matters, but how incomprehensible the joke is to laymen.

Note: I'm not looking for jokes about different nationalities or ethnic groups. A joke about Scottish history would be something I'm looking for, not a joke about Scottish people.