122 posts tagged with jokes.
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What is the funniest statistics-related joke that you know?

Please tell me the funniest statistics-related joke or jokes that you know. I give talks and run workshops about statistical concepts - broadly defined - to mixed audiences. Jokes will be used as ice-breakers. The ideal joke will be funny to everybody, and doubly funny to statisticians. [more inside]
posted by Erinaceus europaeus on Apr 21, 2016 - 26 answers

Making Middle Schoolers Laugh

Looking for resources of clever puns, one-liners and dad jokes that will make middle school students think and laugh. [more inside]
posted by gnutron on Feb 15, 2016 - 20 answers

Looking for rhyming 'dad' sayings/phrases

My son is 9 and one of my favorite things to do is gently aggravate him with dad-esque sayings. [more inside]
posted by Twicketface on Oct 5, 2015 - 79 answers

Good jokes for a best man speech?

I'm writing a best man speech for a good friend and it really could do with a few more jokes to balance it out. I've had a search on the internet but the results are either unfunny, already been used far too many times or both. Have you got any good jokes I can borrow? [more inside]
posted by mr_silver on Aug 17, 2015 - 15 answers

So Latin, Greek, and Old English walk into a bar...

Sometime in the last several months I found a post on a site I'd never been to before that shared a word made up by the author. [more inside]
posted by dubadubowbow on May 23, 2015 - 4 answers

Your favorite dad joke.

Please hit me with your favorite dad joke. I'm looking for those extremely lame ones like when you say, "I'm tired." Dad says, "Hey Tired, it's nice to meet you. I'm Dad." If you can cite who originally made the joke that's great, but not really needed (I just like giving credit). I would prefer short jokes to long jokes. Thank you. I'll take my answer off the air.
posted by cjorgensen on Dec 30, 2014 - 104 answers

The world is that which is the straight face

It was said by Wittgenstein that a perfectly good work of philosophy could be written which was entirely composed of jokes. Has anyone done it, in analytical or continental philosophy? [more inside]
posted by curuinor on Nov 22, 2014 - 13 answers

Quick jokes for postcards?

One of my friends who lives on the other coast is going through some serious medical stuff. I've been sending him cheesy postcards with stupid stuff written on them, just to let him know I'm thinking of him and to maybe give him a laugh. I'm out of ideas though. Give me your best jokes/puns/groaners that I can fit on a postcard! They can be off-color if they're sufficiently funny. Any topic welcome.
posted by misanthropicsarah on Oct 28, 2014 - 28 answers

How to get over a creative lull?

For something like the past four or five months, I've been in what I can only describe as a creative lull. I work as a comedy writer and have been doing this for roughly two years, but for whatever reason, I am not producing material that I'm happy with any more. I'm looking for advice from people who have climbed out of something similar, or any insight into why this is happening. I realize the awesome irony of asking this question in a very serious, unfunny way. [more inside]
posted by arsgratia on Sep 15, 2014 - 5 answers

Send up of narrative trope...

I've looked for the answer to this for a couple of years with no success, so hopefully you all can help. This was from a comedy album of some sort (I think it was SCTV related) but person A is talking to Person B and sets up some story like "Hey B, do you remember the time...?" with some humorous one sentence scenario set up. [more inside]
posted by newper on Sep 6, 2014 - 2 answers

What makes someone funny?

I've always wanted to know how funny people became funny. What particular attributes, behavior, types of humor makes them so hilarious? Do some of them practice jokes in advance? Do they watch comedians and funny tv shows a lot? [more inside]
posted by poilkj on Aug 17, 2014 - 30 answers

What are some good jokes with the punchline: Change ?

I've been tasked (by my wife) with coming up with a corporate, work-safe joke with a specific punchline. That punchline is 'change'. Help? I've got nothing.
posted by duckus on Jul 29, 2014 - 7 answers

Non-English or Multingual (incl. English) jokes and puns?

I was recently in a situation where French jokes, French-and-English jokes, and French-and-English-and-Arabic jokes would have been handy. Just to be ready for the next time this happens, what are your favorite jokes that are in a language other than English or that combine two or more languages (one of which, ideally, is English)?
posted by Going To Maine on May 17, 2014 - 27 answers

And then he said, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

I'm looking for examples of jokes that just don't translate. [more inside]
posted by vogon_poet on May 3, 2014 - 14 answers

So the guy fills his foot with diesel fuel and...

When I was very young, I once heard my late father tell a friend a joke that was in the first person. Being an impressionable kid, I took it as a true story, to the point of retelling it at a family gathering only to have my father swoop in and scoop me up before I could finish the (presumably at least a little off-color) punchline. I remember his horror at seeing my repeat the joke, but I'm fuzzy on the setup and I have no recollection at all of the punchline. All I remember is that it involved a construction worker who steps on a nail that goes right through his foot and a cagey older worker who advises him to "fill the hole with diesel fuel." Does anyone know this joke?
posted by DirtyOldTown on Apr 28, 2014 - 1 answer

I don't get this French joke

A colleague of mine brought some candy back from France, and there are silly jokes written on the inside of the wrappers. Most of them are cute enough, but there's one that uses a word that I don't know and can't find a definition for. Is it just a nonsense word? [more inside]
posted by spielzebub on Dec 10, 2013 - 8 answers

Take my husband, please.

Calling all the comedy writers of MetaFilter! Mr. BlahLaLa have a low-key but long-running marital dispute. I've decided that I need some snappy one-liners to throw at him the next time this happens. Give them to me? [more inside]
posted by BlahLaLa on Nov 16, 2013 - 31 answers

Jokes that only work as a series of jokes?

I'm looking for jokes, usually bad jokes, that work as a series of short jokes where the punchline is in the final joke of the series. Example inside. [more inside]
posted by bondcliff on Oct 8, 2013 - 34 answers

inversions of common sayings in specific subcultures/fields?

Cyclists say, "What goes down must come up," meaning if you have a nice long downhill going out, you'll have to climb the same height to get back home. Contra dancers say, "Better never than late," meaning if you don't have enough time to do a figure properly then just skip it and make sure you're ready for the next. What other subcultures or fields have domain-specific inversions of common sayings?
posted by d. z. wang on Oct 3, 2013 - 32 answers

We have the punchline - what's the joke?

My friend and I are stumped: we have the punchline for a joke he liked in highschool. However, we can't for the life of us come up with joke. Google hasn't helped, neither text nor image searches. So we turn to you fond MeFites, for your good knowledge: what joke ends with the punchline, "I must be a past participle." [more inside]
posted by Galen on Oct 1, 2013 - 2 answers

What are some good jokes about Winnipeg or the Canadian prairies?

A friend of mine is moving from Southwestern Ontario to Winnipeg next month. We're throwing a going-away party and I'd like to give a speech and tell a few jokes. What are some good jokes I can tell about Winnipeg or Manitoba or the Canadian prairies? Thanks!
posted by obscure simpsons reference on Jul 30, 2013 - 10 answers

It'd be improper to tell him his joke made me suicidal, I guess.

I keep finding myself in a peculiar and incredibly disheartening group social dynamic. I need practical guidance on how to "fix" the latest one, and maybe some suggestions on how to head these things off before we get to Suicidal Ideation pass. [more inside]
posted by Fee Phi Faux Phumb I Smell t'Socks o' a Puppetman! on Jun 22, 2013 - 58 answers


"What do you call a pissed off baby vampire with the potential for centuries of memory?" "A 'Tara bite'." I'm looking for some good pop culture puns related to the past few years. [more inside]
posted by DisreputableDog on May 31, 2013 - 8 answers

I don't get Groucho's joke.

Groucho Marx made a joke in his Memoirs of a Mangy Lover that I just don't get. PLZ HOPE ME. [more inside]
posted by Capt. Renault on May 30, 2013 - 10 answers

It's not symbolic. Really.

Help us avoid the tidal wave of bad jokes about our unique wedding venue. [more inside]
posted by Diskeater on Apr 5, 2013 - 31 answers

Professional Level Joke and Humor Database

Is there a joke wiki or humor wiki database? I'm looking for a professional level no-nonsense jokes database. [more inside]
posted by Muirwylde on Apr 1, 2013 - 2 answers

Last time, you didn't have holes in your feet!

My father passed away this morning. I'm going through his file, and I came across JOKES.TXT ... which contains only the punchlines. Can the Mind please tell me the jokes? [more inside]
posted by dmd on Mar 22, 2013 - 75 answers

Now you have n problems.

"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think 'I know, I'll use %s' Now they have %d problems." How many variations on this joke do you know?
posted by ecmendenhall on Feb 26, 2013 - 19 answers

Looking for snappy come-backs for a recurring joke

Every time I go to my boyfriend's parents place for dinner, his dad teases me about how much (or how little) I eat. He likes me and he's just joking around....so help me come up with some good comebacks! [more inside]
posted by Jade_bug on Jan 27, 2013 - 26 answers

Dog jokes

Please to give me your best dog jokes. Thanks!
posted by HotToddy on Jan 13, 2013 - 46 answers

jokes for a short attention span

Please share your short, text-message-friendly, jokes. [more inside]
posted by ambrosia on Nov 8, 2012 - 78 answers

Name some examples of humorous tragedies in film and literature

I need suggestions of fictional or non-fictional books or films that deal with illness or dying in relation to humor/the absurd. [more inside]
posted by Felicity Rilke on Sep 19, 2012 - 23 answers

Why doesn't my boyfriend respond to my jokes and stories?

Sometimes I can't tell if my boyfriend likes me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 29, 2012 - 48 answers

This is a towering achievement...

Please give me lots of word-play and puns that are associated with bells. [more inside]
posted by Melismata on Aug 10, 2012 - 29 answers

Hey, cmoj, tell that joke.

What jokes do you know that absolutely depend on telling a good story? [more inside]
posted by cmoj on May 11, 2012 - 45 answers

[X group] do it [in Y manner]

Give me your best ______ do it ______ jokes. [more inside]
posted by nickhb on Apr 4, 2012 - 119 answers

A punny card design, please?

Attention pun lovers! Plant related v-day punchline needed! [more inside]
posted by gilsonal on Jan 18, 2012 - 21 answers

Hippies smell bad and don't have jobs, LOL.

How do I deal with jokes that are not funny (particularly pertaining to OWS) that I see on social network sites without getting too heavily involved? [more inside]
posted by hillabeans on Nov 23, 2011 - 34 answers

Oh Mr. President!

I heard something like this. Abraham Lincoln said he wanted to paint the bathroom green and his wife wanted to paint it yellow "so we compromised and painted it yellow". Did anything like this ever happen? Who? Where? When? I have a friend who would like to use this in a wedding speech. My google fu fails me.
posted by snowjoe on Nov 10, 2011 - 10 answers

Need help roasting my husband on his 40th

Looking for insults and jokes for my husbands 40th birthday party. It is a roast. He is a metrosexual, known for wearing pink. He plays golf and is known to get a little angry if he doesn't play well. He also loves poker and again gets angry if he loses. He thinks he has a big head, not conceited, but a physically big head. He comes across as arrogant but he really isn't if you get to know him. Jokes need to be relatively clean ie pg-13. Thanks [more inside]
posted by Robtri93 on Oct 26, 2011 - 23 answers

Is the path to my heart paved with jokes?

He's got so many qualities I like...except for one. And it might be a dealbreaker. Am I being ridiculous? Wasn't there a Seinfeld episode about this? [more inside]
posted by blackcatcuriouser on Sep 27, 2011 - 71 answers

What clean humor book should I get for my fundie grandmother's birthday?

It's my grandmother's birthday next week, and I'd like to give her some sort of book with cute and funny short stories/jokes, a la Reader's Digest. It should also be clean humor only. Any suggestions? [more inside]
posted by iamfantastikate on Sep 21, 2011 - 22 answers

Dirty weather related jokes

Does anyone know any dirty jokes that are related to the weather? Bonus points if the punchline, if said alone, indicates that it's a weather-related dirty joke. Actually, if you have a punchline that would indicate that, but no actual joke, that would be fine too.
posted by insufficient data on Aug 21, 2011 - 18 answers

What's black and white and red all over? A guy in a tuxedo without any jokes.

Jokes. We all know one, maybe even two or three, and there's a good chance they're slightly or completely off-color. But let's say you need to entertain a room of five- to eight-year-olds, and they're expecting a non-stop barrage of hilarity. Anyone have any favorite kids' jokes they'd like to share?
posted by vverse23 on Apr 8, 2011 - 65 answers

McAfee Anti-virus protects us from jokes?

I was surprised to find an option in the McAfee anti-virus enterprise management software, that "jokes" are a category that they block (screenshot). What sort of jokes? Are any of these jokes awesome and/or funny? [more inside]
posted by yeahyeahyeahwhoo on Apr 7, 2011 - 5 answers

5-part humor or riddle for science presentation

Help me come up with a five-part joke, riddle, or comic strip to embed in 5 separate data presentations at a science conference. [more inside]
posted by dino might on Apr 1, 2011 - 6 answers

Watch out Don Rickles!

Borscht Belt for the elementary school set. Is this thing on? [more inside]
posted by notcomputersavvy06 on Jan 16, 2011 - 9 answers

Punchline: And he had red hair!

Why do people think jokes about redheads are so darn hilarious? [more inside]
posted by KLF on Jan 7, 2011 - 59 answers

Telling a joke until it is no longer funny.

I'm looking for stories about telling jokes until they are no longer funny. How do people who write comedy tell if the jokes they are writing are still funny after repeating them so many times? I'm interested in hearing more about the short half-life of the joke, and the ways a joke can function after it has lost it's ha-ha-ha. [more inside]
posted by caseyg on Dec 18, 2010 - 11 answers

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Please tell me more jokes like this! [more inside]
posted by katrielalex on Nov 8, 2010 - 83 answers

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