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Rude joke filter, Spanish/Portugese edition

A friend was wracking her brain trying to recall a joke in Spanish about Portugese people.... [more inside]
posted by Sublimity on Jun 22, 2014 - 0 answers

Source of well-known joke about statisticians?

There's a well-known joke about statisticians. "Did you hear the one one about the statistician who drowned trying to wade across the river? He knew it was three feet deep...on average." I've searched for a source for this joke on the internet, but haven't found one. Does anyone have any idea where this joke originated? Call me an academic, but I feel the need to attribute it if I can.
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike on May 4, 2014 - 2 answers

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar.

It was tense. I adore "X walked into a bar" jokes. Lay some on me.
posted by mcbeth on May 2, 2014 - 95 answers

It all started with a joke about Sodium, but I said Na.

So I posted one simple chemistry joke to Facebook for my friends, and they loved it - but now they want more. Give me some science jokes! [more inside]
posted by matty on Apr 21, 2014 - 56 answers

ID this joke about what you call an apartment

I've been trying to recall a vaguely remembered joke that goes through different stages in a relationship and for each one has a different, relevant name for what you call an apartment. Something like, when you're just married it's a unit, later on it's something, then when things start to go south it's a flat, and when the marriage ends poorly it's an apartment (ha ha). Does anyone recognize this and know the full text of the joke?
posted by capricorn on Jan 1, 2014 - 1 answer

Help me remember an old loon joke.

There's a joke that I (think) I remember someone doing to me when I first saw a loon. The set up is: "Want to hear a loon call?", which is followed by loudly yelling "HEY LOON! OVER HERE!". Did I imagine this, or is this an actual joke(total dad joke, but I like it)?
posted by aleatorictelevision on Dec 17, 2013 - 3 answers

Jokes that only work as a series of jokes?

I'm looking for jokes, usually bad jokes, that work as a series of short jokes where the punchline is in the final joke of the series. Example inside. [more inside]
posted by bondcliff on Oct 8, 2013 - 34 answers

Help me remember a joke

It was a joke about the different military services and how they respond to an order to "secure a house." [more inside]
posted by Chocolate Pickle on Aug 5, 2013 - 9 answers

What are some good jokes about Winnipeg or the Canadian prairies?

A friend of mine is moving from Southwestern Ontario to Winnipeg next month. We're throwing a going-away party and I'd like to give a speech and tell a few jokes. What are some good jokes I can tell about Winnipeg or Manitoba or the Canadian prairies? Thanks!
posted by obscure simpsons reference on Jul 30, 2013 - 10 answers

Hazardous waste: it's a gas!

Please suggest some funny stuff to write on (fake) hazardous waste labels to decorate the office of the hazmat safety guy who's coming back from sabbatical. The labels look similar to this. [more inside]
posted by Quietgal on Jun 4, 2013 - 23 answers

Well, this sucks.

So my best friend has ovarian cancer. And she's a divorced mom with no family. All of the support is going to come from friends, and I'm the Friend Leader. I'm going to be asking a million questions about this, I bet, in the coming months, but here's where I'm starting: if I say anything sweet or sentimental to her, she's gonna give me a black eye. I need snarky, sarcastic humor & presents for one of the smartest cancer patients ever. [more inside]
posted by BlahLaLa on May 17, 2013 - 29 answers

did I go too far?

What does "too smart for your own good" mean? [more inside]
posted by atetrachordofthree on Dec 10, 2012 - 25 answers

Yes, they do need their legs

Maggoty Bread that even an Uruk-Hai would love? [more inside]
posted by sparklemotion on Nov 9, 2012 - 22 answers

The log is a...a...really?!

The fruit of our looms has discovered ghost tales. You know - Bloody Mary and her ilk. However she has not yet heard "If the log rolls over we will all be dead." [more inside]
posted by peagood on Nov 8, 2012 - 1 answer

Help me get this linguistics joke?

Linguistics! Can you guys explain the joke in this image, which represents how different languages get from point A to point B? [more inside]
posted by Pwoink on Sep 30, 2012 - 13 answers

Pranks with my friend's car

I'm taking care of my friend's car for two weeks while he's on vacation. What are some silly things I can do with his car as a joke that he can follow on Facebook? [more inside]
posted by Locative on Jun 15, 2012 - 31 answers

Give me your "rectum, damn near killed 'em" jokes!

In the spirit of "rectum, damn near killed 'em!", what are other words that can be followed with a joke/punchline? [more inside]
posted by neilkod on Feb 28, 2012 - 98 answers

MAN VS. SKUNK – April Fool’s Day Edition

For the last couple of years, my SO and I have an on-going theme involving skunks that colors our April Fool's Day mischief. Help me find an inflatable skunk to keep the stinkin’ hilarity going! [more inside]
posted by numinous on Jan 10, 2012 - 3 answers

Old man starter kit

My friend is turning 30 and thinks he's old. I'm getting him an old man starter kit: hard candies (Werther's Originals of course), Metamucil...what else should I include?
posted by echo target on Nov 18, 2011 - 78 answers

Need help roasting my husband on his 40th

Looking for insults and jokes for my husbands 40th birthday party. It is a roast. He is a metrosexual, known for wearing pink. He plays golf and is known to get a little angry if he doesn't play well. He also loves poker and again gets angry if he loses. He thinks he has a big head, not conceited, but a physically big head. He comes across as arrogant but he really isn't if you get to know him. Jokes need to be relatively clean ie pg-13. Thanks [more inside]
posted by Robtri93 on Oct 26, 2011 - 23 answers

Make me laugh. Please?

What are some good places to find a certain kind of humor online? [more inside]
posted by jitterbug perfume on Oct 6, 2011 - 21 answers

Animal-related Christmas puns

Pet-related Christmas puns? Help! [more inside]
posted by pseudonymph on Sep 12, 2011 - 12 answers

I have the sense that the world is mad down-pat

Under what circumstances is it acceptable to laugh at one's own joke, and what are the social implications of doing so? [more inside]
posted by foursentences on Jul 30, 2011 - 35 answers

Knock Knock. Who's there? Wonder Woman's body! Is that it?

I'm looking for a kids joke that some how involves Wonder Woman's body, possibly as the punch line. All that is remembered is the following: "Knock Knock? Who's there? Wonder Woman's Body!" and laughter ensues. It was told by my sister-in-law in the 1980s when she was a wee one, so it might just be little kid humor, but I'm hoping there might be more to this joke.
posted by filthy light thief on Jul 13, 2011 - 9 answers

Golden Rubber Chicken Medal/Plaque!

GagPrizeFilter: If I wanted to either a) have a shiny gold (spraypainted?) rubber chicken mounted to a plaque or b) have a gold rubber chicken converted into something that could be worn like a medal, how would I go about doing this / obtaining one? This needs to be done in 1 week (for next Friday.) [more inside]
posted by lalochezia on Mar 31, 2011 - 8 answers

Gag certificate for co-worker

Ideas for joke award/certificate to present to co-worker on his 60th birthday? [more inside]
posted by Dragonness on Mar 3, 2011 - 16 answers

F- this, we're going three blades. Uh, four? Five? Six? Seven? Thirty?

Help me find examples of parodies, jokes, and satirical pieces that eventually became real. [more inside]
posted by Ndwright on Feb 9, 2011 - 67 answers

I don't get it.

Please explain this mathematics joke to me. [more inside]
posted by lazaruslong on Jan 5, 2011 - 21 answers

How to respond to a Charlie the Unicorn when you can't take his freakin' kidney.

Every week during Poetry Workshop, we write criticisms on our classmates' poems. This week, my friend handed me this. How can I retaliate next week? [more inside]
posted by yaymukund on Nov 10, 2010 - 31 answers

It's funny because he's old.

My geeky, standup and improv-performing friend is turning 50 today. I'm supposed to bring a joke to his party. I got nothing. Any suggestions?
posted by donpardo on Sep 24, 2010 - 42 answers

Where is this tech jargon joke?

I vaguely remember a joke, probably from the mid to late 90s, in which two technologists are speaking. The start out in English, using more and more tech jargon as the conversation progresses, until they end up speaking in ones and zeros. I would now like to reference this fictional conversation, but can't find it. Can anyone source my vague memory?
posted by scottreynen on Jul 20, 2010 - 14 answers

How do I be sexy?

I want to be sexy. Unfortunately, I'm a straight man. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 16, 2010 - 60 answers

need some nerdy chemist/engineer humor

I'm giving a presentation next month need a funny joke about the difference between chemists/scientists and engineers (because I'm an engineer doing chemistry) [more inside]
posted by beammeup4 on Jul 9, 2010 - 22 answers

Please complete this joke about psychiatrists

Please complete this joke: A guy goes a psychiatrist. He doesn't say anything during the entire hour. He comes back a week later. Neither one of them says anything. He comes back a third time. Silence right up to the end. Finally, he says . . . something. The psychiatrist responds. And that brings us to the punchline. Which is hilarious. . . I'm sure. [more inside]
posted by stuart_s on Jun 27, 2010 - 9 answers

Looking for humorous artillery in the xbox vs PS wars.

I'm particularly looking for a one liner that did the rounds a month or two back that said something to the effect of "my playstation won't power up while the [xbox] green light is showing", but any clever "My console > your console" will do.
posted by kreestar on Jun 5, 2010 - 3 answers

"Nick Clegg"

I DESPERATELY need jokes about politicians for a speech tomorrow. Can anyone help me with some (relatively clean) and hopefully snappy material? [more inside]
posted by marmaduke_yaverland on May 24, 2010 - 16 answers

He lives vicariously through himself.

Have there been any good, scholarly studies on the "Chuck Norris" style of one-liner joke/folklore? How old is this style of joke? [more inside]
posted by samthemander on May 9, 2010 - 12 answers

Hegel in Hollywood's Hands

Hegelians, gather round and join in the greatest waste of an AskMeFi question since the previous greatest one. Did Hegel leave us with two very important concepts or just the one? [more inside]
posted by bryon on May 6, 2010 - 9 answers

Help me find this internet joke about the discovery of fire.

Looking for a briefly popular internet joke from a year or two ago. Setup was if the discovery of fire had been posted to slashdot (Digg? other?). Response is something like: "Too hot, smoke gets in your eyes, goes out too fast. Fail." Ringing any bells? Google is failing me.
posted by hihowareyou on Dec 31, 2009 - 4 answers

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before.

"I'm not a vegetarian, I eat meat. It's not because I love the taste of meat, it's because I hate cows." Where have I heard this joke before? [more inside]
posted by bunnytricks on Nov 26, 2009 - 13 answers

Searching for roast saint recipe

I once read an old cookbook that, at the end, had a recipe for saint. I want to find it again. Any clues? [more inside]
posted by kenko on Oct 4, 2009 - 3 answers

What movie am I thinking of?

At the beginning of Bret Easton Ellis's Rules of Attraction, a townie makes a joke about a rat and an elephant having sex that I've heard in a movie before. What was that movie? Ellis's (NSFW?) version of the joke under cut. [more inside]
posted by oinopaponton on Jul 19, 2009 - 7 answers

Help Explain Total Eclipse's "Glee Club of the Damned" and Dr. Horrible's "Dead, Not Sleeping"?

Could someone explain to me two references I don't get? In Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog, Billy receives a letter from "Dead, Not Sleeping" (clip). Is that a reference to something? Also, in the Total Eclipse of the Heart "literal" video I posted to Mefi, there's a lyric that says: "And I've joined the Glee Club of the Damned (reference joke!)" (clip). What's "Glee Club of the Damned" a reference to? I presume it's a reference to something since they outright say it is ...
posted by WCityMike on Jul 4, 2009 - 20 answers

Go home, bunny!

How do I send this bunny home? [more inside]
posted by shesbookish on Jun 1, 2009 - 18 answers

Joke-Filter: What is the origin of the joke with the punch-line "rectum damn near killed him"?

Joke-Filter: What is the origin of the joke with the punch-line "rectum damn near killed him"? Bonus points if you actually have the set-up to the joke (if there is one). [more inside]
posted by xdeliriumx on May 15, 2009 - 14 answers

Text-Message-Sized Love Notes

My SO and I have completely opposite work schedules, so often the only way we can communicate for days at a time is through notes and text messages. I'm looking for cute and unique little poems and phrases to send him throughout the day to send him. My favorite examples are inside: [more inside]
posted by chara on Apr 18, 2009 - 12 answers

The guard yells "Twelve!" and the man responds...

A man wants to enter a city, but only knights can enter the city, so he decides to see how the knights do it. ...What's the punchline? [more inside]
posted by specialagentwebb on Apr 8, 2009 - 8 answers

Who fell from the floor up to the balcony and broke the front side of their back?

Can anyone remember a silly "poem" that has the line: "and then they fell from the floor up to the balcony and broke the front side of their back" [more inside]
posted by mbatch on Mar 26, 2009 - 5 answers

Need joke writing advice

I need help figuring out how to write stand-up comedy style jokes. It may seem like a contradiction but the thing is that I understand the technical construction of existing jokes, it's just that I can't seem to figure out how to write one of my own. My specific problem is that I don't know how to extract a punch line out of an idea for a joke. How do you do that? I have a good sense of humor and I have an original way of thinking so I think I may have some potential to put something of some kind together. I hope someone(s) will understand what I mean and be able to help. Thanks!
posted by atm on Mar 5, 2009 - 12 answers

The elusive joke. Help me remember!

Help me find a joke I once heard. Apologies for the vague details. [more inside]
posted by routergirl on Feb 27, 2009 - 11 answers

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