I need new jokes. Lots and lots of jokes. [more inside]
My name is Joy. People often say things like "Happy happy joy joy" and "joy to the world" and "joyous Joy" to me. I find this practice insanely irritating (I know, I know, very first world problem). It's not just colleagues who do this, it's receptionists and delivery people, radiologists, baristas, people I meet in a social setting. It's like an automatic response when someone sees this particular name. Give me something to say that isn't serious or rude but may discourage them. [more inside]
Since it's Father's Day in the USA, I want to ask you a question. Mefi dads, or kids, have you ever pulled (or had pulled on you) an epic "Dad Prank"? [more inside]
A man and woman approach a motorcycle cop. The man is holding a car's back seat. The man says: "We'd like to report a stolen car." I don't get the joke. I feel dumb. [more inside]
Please tell me the funniest statistics-related joke or jokes that you know. I give talks and run workshops about statistical concepts - broadly defined - to mixed audiences. Jokes will be used as ice-breakers. The ideal joke will be funny to everybody, and doubly funny to statisticians. [more inside]
Help me remember where this joke about James Bond came from. [more inside]
Is this joke funny? Should I tell it in a wedding speech? Does it need tweaking? If it's not funny, can you help me make it funny? [more inside]
I am building several dozen tank cars in HO scale for a friend, who has given me license to come up with clever (fictional) railroad/car company names to put on the cars. Some considerations: [more inside]
I just watched Barack Obama's speech during this year's White House Correspondents Dinner, and he made a joke about having something that rhymes with bucket list, which had the entire room bursting into laughter. Can someone explain the joke to me?
It says, "Part time virgin... I didn't plan it, but it worked out that way." Images. What is the joke? Is it a joke? [more inside]
I remember reading a short story years ago where a guy tries to find the origin of a joke, who told who told who etc. He ends up in this hidden valley in the Rockies where there is a secret society busy making jokes and letting them loose into the world. Because he found them, he gets to join... Any MeFi know what the name and/or author is? Mucho Thanks
A friend is looking for a specific joke for a eulogy. Their question is below. [more inside]
A friend was wracking her brain trying to recall a joke in Spanish about Portugese people.... [more inside]
There's a well-known joke about statisticians. "Did you hear the one one about the statistician who drowned trying to wade across the river? He knew it was three feet deep...on average." I've searched for a source for this joke on the internet, but haven't found one. Does anyone have any idea where this joke originated? Call me an academic, but I feel the need to attribute it if I can.
It was tense. I adore "X walked into a bar" jokes. Lay some on me.
So I posted one simple chemistry joke to Facebook for my friends, and they loved it - but now they want more. Give me some science jokes! [more inside]
I've been trying to recall a vaguely remembered joke that goes through different stages in a relationship and for each one has a different, relevant name for what you call an apartment. Something like, when you're just married it's a unit, later on it's something, then when things start to go south it's a flat, and when the marriage ends poorly it's an apartment (ha ha). Does anyone recognize this and know the full text of the joke?
There's a joke that I (think) I remember someone doing to me when I first saw a loon. The set up is: "Want to hear a loon call?", which is followed by loudly yelling "HEY LOON! OVER HERE!". Did I imagine this, or is this an actual joke(total dad joke, but I like it)?
I'm looking for jokes, usually bad jokes, that work as a series of short jokes where the punchline is in the final joke of the series. Example inside. [more inside]
It was a joke about the different military services and how they respond to an order to "secure a house." [more inside]
A friend of mine is moving from Southwestern Ontario to Winnipeg next month. We're throwing a going-away party and I'd like to give a speech and tell a few jokes. What are some good jokes I can tell about Winnipeg or Manitoba or the Canadian prairies? Thanks!
Please suggest some funny stuff to write on (fake) hazardous waste labels to decorate the office of the hazmat safety guy who's coming back from sabbatical. The labels look similar to this. [more inside]
So my best friend has ovarian cancer. And she's a divorced mom with no family. All of the support is going to come from friends, and I'm the Friend Leader. I'm going to be asking a million questions about this, I bet, in the coming months, but here's where I'm starting: if I say anything sweet or sentimental to her, she's gonna give me a black eye. I need snarky, sarcastic humor & presents for one of the smartest cancer patients ever. [more inside]
What does "too smart for your own good" mean? [more inside]
Maggoty Bread that even an Uruk-Hai would love? [more inside]
The fruit of our looms has discovered ghost tales. You know - Bloody Mary and her ilk. However she has not yet heard "If the log rolls over we will all be dead." [more inside]
Linguistics! Can you guys explain the joke in this image, which represents how different languages get from point A to point B? [more inside]
I'm taking care of my friend's car for two weeks while he's on vacation. What are some silly things I can do with his car as a joke that he can follow on Facebook? [more inside]
In the spirit of "rectum, damn near killed 'em!", what are other words that can be followed with a joke/punchline? [more inside]
For the last couple of years, my SO and I have an on-going theme involving skunks that colors our April Fool's Day mischief. Help me find an inflatable skunk to keep the stinkin’ hilarity going! [more inside]
My friend is turning 30 and thinks he's old. I'm getting him an old man starter kit: hard candies (Werther's Originals of course), Metamucil...what else should I include?
Looking for insults and jokes for my husbands 40th birthday party. It is a roast. He is a metrosexual, known for wearing pink. He plays golf and is known to get a little angry if he doesn't play well. He also loves poker and again gets angry if he loses. He thinks he has a big head, not conceited, but a physically big head. He comes across as arrogant but he really isn't if you get to know him. Jokes need to be relatively clean ie pg-13. Thanks [more inside]
What are some good places to find a certain kind of humor online? [more inside]
Pet-related Christmas puns? Help! [more inside]
Under what circumstances is it acceptable to laugh at one's own joke, and what are the social implications of doing so? [more inside]
I'm looking for a kids joke that some how involves Wonder Woman's body, possibly as the punch line. All that is remembered is the following: "Knock Knock? Who's there? Wonder Woman's Body!" and laughter ensues. It was told by my sister-in-law in the 1980s when she was a wee one, so it might just be little kid humor, but I'm hoping there might be more to this joke.
GagPrizeFilter: If I wanted to either a) have a shiny gold (spraypainted?) rubber chicken mounted to a plaque or b) have a gold rubber chicken converted into something that could be worn like a medal, how would I go about doing this / obtaining one? This needs to be done in 1 week (for next Friday.) [more inside]
Ideas for joke award/certificate to present to co-worker on his 60th birthday? [more inside]
Help me find examples of parodies, jokes, and satirical pieces that eventually became real. [more inside]
Please explain this mathematics joke to me. [more inside]
Every week during Poetry Workshop, we write criticisms on our classmates' poems. This week, my friend handed me this. How can I retaliate next week? [more inside]
My geeky, standup and improv-performing friend is turning 50 today. I'm supposed to bring a joke to his party. I got nothing. Any suggestions?
I vaguely remember a joke, probably from the mid to late 90s, in which two technologists are speaking. The start out in English, using more and more tech jargon as the conversation progresses, until they end up speaking in ones and zeros. I would now like to reference this fictional conversation, but can't find it. Can anyone source my vague memory?
I want to be sexy. Unfortunately, I'm a straight man. [more inside]
I'm giving a presentation next month need a funny joke about the difference between chemists/scientists and engineers (because I'm an engineer doing chemistry) [more inside]
Please complete this joke: A guy goes a psychiatrist. He doesn't say anything during the entire hour. He comes back a week later. Neither one of them says anything. He comes back a third time. Silence right up to the end. Finally, he says . . . something. The psychiatrist responds. And that brings us to the punchline. Which is hilarious. . . I'm sure. [more inside]
I'm particularly looking for a one liner that did the rounds a month or two back that said something to the effect of "my playstation won't power up while the [xbox] green light is showing", but any clever "My console > your console" will do.
I DESPERATELY need jokes about politicians for a speech tomorrow. Can anyone help me with some (relatively clean) and hopefully snappy material? [more inside]
Have there been any good, scholarly studies on the "Chuck Norris" style of one-liner joke/folklore? How old is this style of joke? [more inside]
Hegelians, gather round and join in the greatest waste of an AskMeFi question since the previous greatest one. Did Hegel leave us with two very important concepts or just the one? [more inside]