Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with invitation

A sad brother-in-law at the Tigers game?

palindromic — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:06:11 -0800

How should I (or just should I) ask my bereaved brother-in-law to a baseball game next week? My brother-in-law's mother recently, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. The funeral is tomorrow, and I unfortunately can't make it because of some mandatory training programs for my job. Both he and my sister know, and understand that I would rather be there to support them, so this isn't one of those touchy 'they're mad at me' situations or anything. Baseball ticket does not equal emotional bribery here.

Instead, I just want to give him and my sister something to take their minds off their grief, even if only for a few hours. (For what it's worth, we are all Tigers fans and the game is against division rivals, the White Sox, after a pivotal four game series with the Twins, who trail the Tigers by only two games right now - in other words, should be an interesting and fun game.) I already have the tickets and would have absolutely no problem finding two other people to see the game with me, but I would rather keep it in the family if it's in good taste.

At that point it would be about two weeks since his mother's unexpected death. Too soon for baseball, good sister-in-law gesture, or what?

I'm thinking the best way to do it would be to just say that I have two extra tickets for the game next Saturday, and would they like to go, and keep all mention of the sad badness out of the conversation. Good way to go?

I don't know. He's an ex-Marine and so kind of stiff upper lip about everything, and I'm bad at the whole grieving process thing.

Oh baby, did I just blow it?

shiu mai baby — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:33:24 -0800

Are baby showers, by default, supposed to be surprises? A few weeks ago a few friends threw a lovely baby shower for me. It was supposed to be a surprise, but several out-of-town family members ruined the surprise for me. I was fairly peeved by their unintentional thoughtlessness until I found out that the organizers didn't actually specify that it was supposed to be a surprise. At the time, I just wrote it off to an oversight on the part of the planners, but now I'm not so sure.

Why? Because just now I was discussing baby showers with a pregnant friend of mine (one of the organizers of my party, btw), explaining that I might or might not be able to make hers, because I was totally going to try but that it's also just a few days after I'm supposed to have this kid, but I'm still going to do my very best to be there for her. She was perfectly gracious about it, but then she was like, "don't let anyone know you said anything to me!!"

Again: the shower invite said nothing about the party being a surprise, so I had no reason to keep mum about it, but somehow I feel like I've just committed a faux pas.

So: should one always assume that baby showers are surprises? Is this some sort of east coast/pennsylvania-area tradition? I consider myself fairly well-versed in all things etiquette, but in my mind if you're throwing a surprise party for a person, whether we're talking showers or birthdays or anniversaries or whatevers, YOU SAY EXPLICITLY ON THE INVITE THAT IT IS A SURPRISE. Am I wrong? Have I just completely stepped in it, or is it a simple case of regional culture clash?

Ugh. Weddings. Never a fun one.

Anonymous — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 06:45:17 -0800

Boyfriend invited to his best friend's wedding, and, well... drama. My boyfriend's best friend is set to be married in three weeks. When the wedding was announced several months ago he mentioned it to me without naming a specific date, and I said 'I don't think I'm free in the middle of September'. Turns out I am away the week before the wedding instead, and updated my calendar in our flat accordingly.

The boyfriend assumed I wasn't coming and without my knowledge invited his ex-girlfriend (who would have been flying in from Japan to attend) instead. An invitation arrived for him last week, he opened it and then stuck it away somewhere, and I finally got round to asking about it this morning.

Since he got the invite, his ex has changed her mind about going. I don't have any reason to think he wants to get back with her, but rather the engaged couple are also good friends of hers, and so are many of the other guests. He probably though he was 1) being nice by asking her, 2) getting out of an awkward situation by presuming I was away and thus never having to mention she'd be there, and 3) completely mystified why I'm angry.

For my side, I'm 1) angry he didn't check the dates after the first time he asked, especially as my calendar is next to the refrigerator, 2) mystified that he would ask his ex without even mentioning it to me, and 3) offended that he doesn't think I could be in the same room with her, or her friends.

We had an argument this morning, but I had to be at work early so no resolution was reached. I don't want this to be the hill I die on, but really, I don't know what to say. He's usually considerate, but prone to making decisions without communicating his thought process with other people. I want to get him to see that this needs to change, rather than give him the impression that he should start to hide more things for fear of upsetting me.

I got uninvited - now what?

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 12:29:26 -0800

How do I get over being mad about being uninvited to a wedding, when I sort of understand where the couple is coming from? So, my best friend of six years (the groom) got married yesterday and I was not in attendance. The day before, I was told (by best friend's brother) that the bride had decided she didn't want me to come to the wedding, and I'd have to skip it. I asked best friend, and he said that he was very sorry but she was annoyed with me and he had to side with his wife. How do I get over being pissed about this? Please forgive the long back story, but wedding invite stories are usually complicated right?

Once upon a time, my best friend and I dated for 2 years, and broke up 3 years ago. The relationship ended completely amicably (we realized we were really good friends, and our true loves were still out there) and we have remained very close friends. He helped me move after I ended an abusive relationship, he listens, we have fun when we hang out, yadda yadda yadda - it's great and I adore him. There is no lingering sexual tension - we are completely unattracted to each other. We just know each other really well, and get along. When he told me about this girl, I said they'd get married and was thrilled to find out that they were engaged. I spent some time with both of them, but she is ridiculously shy (a quality we share) and I've maybe ever heard her say three words. At first, I thought she didn't like me because I was an EX but I have since found out that she's like this with everyone. I thought we were hunky dory and I was looking forward to building a friendship with her (I wrote something to this effect on my wedding card).

When it came to actually planning the wedding and making the guest list, I told both of them separately that I completely understood that I was an ex and to feel no pressure to invite me. They decided to anyway, and I was completely excited that my best friend is getting MARRIED. I chatted with both of them about things they'd picked out (they had a blog with their ideas), and bride asked me about what I was wearing, etc.

Basically, everything was peachy until Thursday evening. Groom has a brother who lives in another state, and since both of their parents have passed, they are really each other's only family. The problem is they don't have similar personalities and can't stand to be around each other too long. So on Thursday, groom's brother was looking for a short escape from family hang out time, and I offerred to hang out for a little bit. He stayed over too late, and ended up spending the night. This is what I did wrong.

The next morning, groom's brother tells me that bride is unhappy and doesn't want me at the wedding. I asked groom, and he said sorry but she wasn't having it. I told groom that he was making the right call (wife > friends) but that I was very hurt and sad. I have not been able to get in touch with him since (because he's busy getting married). Once I got home from work, I lost it. I cried, I was heartbroken, I felt left out. My old friends who were coming to town wanted to see me, and I didn't have time to make plans with them outside of the wedding. I am still very hurt and sad, and Facebook updates with pictures and congrats are not helping. There is also a part of me that thinks this was incredibly unclassy and mean and I'm angry. Generally, it sucks.

My question is: how do I stop being so angry and get back to wanting to celebrate this joyous moment in my best friend's life? I still have my gift sitting in its bag, and I have debated taking it back. I have helped plan my siblings' weddings, and I know that sometimes you have to not have people there for whatever reason. Like I said, I know he made the right call in supporting his wife, but now I have the problem of thinking his wife is a bitch. That's not healthy for my friendship with either of them. Any advice on how to just accept that I didn't go and move on? Any help is appreciated.

PS - I have heard rumors that bride seems to think that brother and I slept together, which I think is probably none of her business, but probably contributed to her not wanting me there. This is just a rumor though.

Shakespearefilter- Writing an invitation like the Bard

Jason Land — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 19:57:57 -0800

I want to invite a woman (via letter) I like out on a date to see a Shakespearean play later this month. I want it to read somewhat like the general language used in his writings, but also instantly understandable to someone not very familiar with his plays and/or language. If someone could point me to a resource to help out or if you're willing to rewrite it yourself, I'd be very thankful. Basically, the text of the invitation would read as follows (I'll do it in faux-formal syntax to give the sort of translation I'd like):

My dear XXXX,
It would give me great pleasure and honor if you were to accompany me to a showing of the great bard William Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" on the eve of July 18. It is a delightful comedy also concerned with romance, misunderstandings and cross-dressing.

If you are or if you are not inclined to attend this event with me please allow me to know your disposition below.

A wonderful idea, to attend with so handsome a suitor!
[ ]

This is a spurious request that offends me.
[ ]

Sick of stag.

Anonymous — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:29:08 -0800

Why (in the hell) can I not bring a date to this wedding? So let's say I have this good friend, Larry. Larry and I have been pretty tight for about 10 years, but work has taken me away to the other side of the world (literally - Larry's living in a major US metropolis, I'm living in a far-flung country that's [roughly] 2 (count 'em: two) 12-hour flights to get to where Larry is).

Larry's getting married to a nice gal. Its pretty much expected that I'll be at the wedding, Larry and I were even roommates at one point. I consider him a pretty close friend, and he knows more about me than most, but I'm an introvert and Larry's a pretty popular guy. I had almost expected to perhaps be an usher in the wedding or something, but I wasn't particularly surprised when that didn't happen - Larry has a lot more friends than I do.

So I get the invite, its addressed to me, specifically (i.e. not "and guest"). However, the RSVP card does have a field for "Number attending."

Larry and I are catching up recently and the wedding comes up. I talk about who I'm going to bring as a date (he and I would discuss my interest in particular dates often, back in the day), and Larry very pointedly states that nobody is bringing dates to this wedding and only the names on the envelopes are invited. He apparently thinks that all weddings are like this, and says as much - according to him only married or engaged people get to bring a date.

This puts me off a great deal. I am literally making plans to travel around the world, at my own expense and on my own vacation time, to be there to celebrate Larry's special day, and now I am essentially forced to do it "stag," probably sitting at a table with people I do not know, likely next to some friend of the bride that she thinks I'll be just perfect for, who I will have no interest in. I've been in these shoes before and choose to avoid it these days.

Questions:
1. Am I on a high horse I need to get off of? I don't have anyone in particular I desperately want to be there with me, I would just not like to be "alone" and ostracized as such at said wedding (large protestant WASP group where its generally assumed if you're diddling around in you're 30's and not married or fast approaching, there's something fundamentally amiss with you).

2. Are Larry and his fiance as pretentious as I'm currently now wondering? (Picture Tim Robbins' character in Shawshank Redemption - I feel like asking Larry "How can you be so OBTUSE?")

3. Where do I go from here? I don't know why this throws me off so much, but I'm at the point of considering not even going. I know I will, in the end, to avoid the headaches of "why didn't he make it to our wedding," but at the same time, I don't want to show up and concede the point that I've failed at being relationally successful.

4. Bonus: Why am I so angry about this? I know I shouldn't be, and I'm mad that I'm letting it get to me. It just strikes me at its core as something I shouldn't let pass with a sad, sunken gaze. It should be alright that I'm not engaged or married, and yet still want someone to be with me, right?

Examples of handmade cards for small business invitations

acoutu — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:33:27 -0800

Where can I find examples of handmade corporate or small business event invitations? I own a small business. I want to invite about a dozen business owners to an event I'm putting on. These people are all part of my close business network -- even friends. I'd like to send handmade cards to invite them to the event and I'd like to also include the seminar flyer/postcard. I'm looking for a eye catching way to present the invitation, but not in a way that looks romantic or wedding invitation-like. Really, just some interesting ways of putting together paper and cards (with the postcard/flyer enclosure) would be great.

I have a small budget for the cards, supplies and mailings -- probably less than $40-50 total. It's a one-off project and I can't focus my investment here. I don't want a designer. I'm quite happy to do it all myself. My local Sears has some examples of paper invitations and ways to put them together -- that's the sort of thing I'm looking for. But I'd like something online, so that I can spend some time thinking about what I see. (I am not good at seeing something in a store and remembering how to do it.)

Thanks!

Help choosing a font please?

ersatzkat — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:50:12 -0800

Can you give advice about a font to go with another font? A friend wants to use Occidental as the "big, pretty, featured" font on a wedding invitation (think bride and groom names), and needs another "simple" or "goes nicely with" font to do the rest of the details. Can you help? It would be ideal if it were either free or comes with Windows (up to Vista). I'm a dummy about these things, and I know a lot of you are *not*. Thanks!

I don't need your stinkin public service!

mhz — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 12:05:44 -0800

How can I deal with bloggers uploading pictures of private events? In my small-ish community, there are a LOT of 'events,' usually a few every day. While tradition calls for most of these to be modest affairs, people have gone crazy with size and cost over the years. Specifically weddings and engagement parties, where anyone with any tangential connection will at least show up for a few minutes of congratulation. I don't have a problem with that, I do it myself occasionally.

While I'm still old-fashioned enough to think that invitations should be personal (and everyone still does make those personal invitations to everyone they might otherwise miss), it's become common for local 'community blogs' to publicize the dates, times, and locations of all of these events. This huge invasion of privacy is often overlooked, but…

Recently, they've 'upgraded.' Now they're posting PICTURES of many events online. Still many people are happy with this, and even consider this (along with the 'notifications' of the events in the first place) a public service. I hate it.

So, what are my options to stop it?

We're talking about various websites, who use many, many, photographers. Should I ever make such a party, there's no way I'd know everyone there, and there's no way I can stop people from entering. I don't like the idea of a sign asking people not to photograph (a. I have no problem with guests taking pictures, posting them to their Flickr and Facebook accounts etc, so the wording would be weird. b. It'd probably be ignored anyway).

I can't know for certain who might be doing this, although a good hint is anybody who's not family or hired carrying an SLR. Should I see learn somebody is taking pictures for one the (I think it's now 5 or 6 different) blogs, what are my rights?

These parties, despite what they've become, are privately paid for, etc, so I imagine I can throw them out. If somebody goes without making a big deal of it, can I insist (read: force) him/her to delete the pictures taken without my authorization? What are my options if they don't want to leave? Don't want to delete the pictures? Can the fact that the time/date/location has been posted online be construed as an invitation? Does the fact that someone is invited help them at all? I don't like the idea of somebody who isn't a guest taking pictures, even if they're not being published – it's still creepy. (Nobody who's there as a guest will be taking more than a few, these bloggers routinely take hundreds.)

How to print my wedding postcard?

gilgamix — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:11:15 -0800

We're printing our wedding invitation as a couple of postcards. It's classier then it sounds, but where's the classiest (cheapest) place to print them. So we're having a (not) small (enough) ceremony and luncheon (to which there is one postcard invitation, and then a larger reception/studio party later in the night to which there's another postcard invitation. For the ceremony guests, we'll put them both in an envelope and send it out normally. For the party only guests we'll stick the postcard in the mail directly. OK: so where can i get digital (or comparably priced) printing, on nice matte stock that feels like it's meant for a wedding and not ladies night at the club? You know? So it works in the envelope and out...?

Evite for professionals?

thebazilist — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 10:07:31 -0800

I need an online-invitation/RSVP-management solution for a small non-profit. Something between evite and cvent? I'm at a small non-profit that's hosting an event. The event is free, but RSVP-only. So like a wedding. However, it's for an organization, so evite is out (also because evite is disgusting) and so are the newer, cutesier, fresher versions of evite (Mypunchbowl, PurpleTrail) because we need to be able to make it professional-looking with our logo instead of theirs.

We can pay to get rid of ads etc, but not the hundreds of dollars that the huge sites like cvent and regonline want, especially since we don't need "marketing" and "ROI improvement." Sendomatic looks pretty good, but it seems like they charge a lot for very little (per event fees, monthy licensing fees, additional annual fees to customize the invite e-mail and the thank-you page, etc.).

Eventbrite would be perfect except that I spoke to them on the phone and there's no way to remove the "ticket sales" language from the invitation. The person has to click to "buy" a free "ticket" and has to go through a free shopping cart and pay $0.00.

We have our own website, and so I was looking at FormLogix, and just publishing some kind of form on the website, but it seems a little crude, especially for e-mailing out invitations.

Our last option is CorpNote, but it seems a little Windows98 to me, and it's really not that customizable.

Basically we want e-mail invitations, RSVP/attendee management (no complex reports or anything), and as much transparency as possible (the invitee doesn't feel so much like they're going through some other site). Are there any other companies I've missed, or is there a somewhat simple way to do this on our website with forms or something? We don't have a designated tech person but we do have volunteers who are tech-capable.

To go or not to go?

GuffProof — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 15:24:28 -0800

Invitation question: Should I attend my assistant's upcoming bridal shower and/or wedding... when it's clear that she does not like me? My assistant (20 something female) is getting married. She's been planning forever and is enormously excited. I have received an invitation to her shower and a save-the-date pre-invitation to the actual wedding.

The problem- she seems to dislike me intensely.

I could go on and on about the backstory- her demeanor / behavior towards me and WHY I think that she doesn't like me... but that's a tangential topic for another day. Other than to say that it seemed to creep up gradually, no defining moment / big conflict or anything. Let's just take it as given.

(If it helps, I'm not the only one who thinks this. My boss recently witnessed her attitude towards me and was stunned- so much so that he went straight to her office to discuss it with her).

I'm quite sure that she only invited me because she thought she should. She is friends with several gals in the office and has invited all of them, so she might have feared that it would be career-damaging to exclude only her boss (me: 40 something female).

In the office, I try to remain professional and pleasant and focus on the work- she doesn't have to like me to be a good employee. But it is decidedly uncomfortable in 1 on 1 situations. Not to mention a wee bit hurtful.

So- should I go? To one, or to both? Or just send a card and gift?

There's the risk that if I do not go, she will feel snubbed and the chasm will widen. On the other hand, she might be relieved if I'm not there and uncomfortable if I am. I know that I would not be comfortable going to either.

My boss has weighed in that he thinks I should go, out of professional courtesy. Of course, he's already declined his invitation, so there's an example to follow.

If it matters... She's worked here about 8 months. She's not my administrative or personal assistant, she works under me in a department where I am the senior manager; there are about 30 people in the office altogether.

So. How big a deal this would be, go / don't go... Your thoughts are appreciated!

How to word the invitation for a Happy Hour that's (partially) in honor of those being laid off?

parilous — Mon, 18 May 2009 14:24:03 -0800

Some of my coworkers are being laid off. I'd like to send out an invitation to a Happy Hour so we have a chance to get together informally before "the end". How do I word the invitation? I don't necessarily want it to be a bitch-fest because people who are being retained are also going to be invited. I intended this event as a way for us to get together after work for fun and socializing, taking advantage of the fact that we're all on the same side of town. Once people move on, it's a lot harder to organize something like this.

I need help with invitation wording

Sassyfras — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:45:42 -0800

Help me word an invitation. My son is turning six soon and we're having a camp-out styled birthday party - not a sleepover - just camp-out themed.

I need help wording the front of the invitation. So far, I have:

"Please join mini-Sassyfras in celebrating his 6th birthday -
camp-out style!"

But, I'm thinking that sounds kinda lame (even lamer than posting this question on AskMe).

How can I jazz the wording up a little bit? I'd like to be pretty clear that it's a camp-out themed party.

We'd prefer invites with tact

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 08:44:17 -0800

A friend's wedding invitation had a poem that included the line "We prefer gifts of money." Besides choking on my own rage, what do I do? My buddy is marrying his fiancee in July. Stuck in the invitation envelope was a cutesy but obviously home-made poem about how the happy couple has everything they'd ever need, but what they really want is a house (instead of the condo they already own), so please pony up. There's no "your presence is enough, but if you must" or anything like that. They just flat-out want cash from every invitee. I showed it to my plus-one and she almost swallowed her tongue in shock.

More information:

-This follows a bridal shower invitation to my girlfriend that also requested money-only gifts. (She politely declined to attend.)

-The bride-to-be's parents are from a culture that google implies is more ok with this. I know her quite well, however, and she never identifies with that culture. She's certainly Westernized enough to know how this is going to come across to the guests. The ceremony is going to be in California and won't reflect her parents' culture either.

-They are actually quite well-off. This isn't some ramen-eating college couple looking for a creative way to make next month's rent.

-Their parents are covering the cost of the wedding.

-As sweet as it would be to wrap an etiquette book and give that, I really don't want to lose or damage the friendship over this. I'm willing to score it as a lapse in judgment and forget it once I've figured out how to deal with it.

Question is: given the above, is there a graceful way out? The idea of stuffing a cheque into an envelope galls me in the extreme. What other options do I have that won't come across as a condemnation or attack?

Sub-question, since some of you are going to answer it anyway: Am I being too sensitive? Is this the way of the future? Should I just accept that some weddings are pay-at-the-door?

Saving "Podiatrist Convention" for the anniversary party.

explosion — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 07:33:30 -0800

(NameMy___Filter) Help me name our wedding! Next year, giraffe and I are going to be married, and I am currently designing our wedding invitations. However, there's a twist, as the invitation is in the form of a poster, similar to a promo poster for a music festival or perhaps a movie. We have pretty much nailed down the wording of the remainder of the poster, but I'm at a loss for a good title.

Rejected concepts so far:

"Steve and Erin's Wedding" (too boring)
"WeddingFest 2009" (too cheesy)
"Podiatrist Convention" (too Dada)

I'm open to suggestions including our real names, user names ("Giraffe and Explosion" has nice cadence, I think), or neither. Humor is definitely a plus, but I want something that won't be lost on family members or friends who are less familiar with the Internet (the rest of the poster is for that).

Font question

tizzie — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:45:56 -0800

I want to design an invitation that looks like a football game ticket stub. What font should I use?

Party perfect

Evangeline — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 09:38:41 -0800

Birthday invitation etiquette questions I'm about to send out invitations to my birthday party. I'm having the party at a restaurant. Is there some way to gracefully say that the food and drinks are my treat? I'm afraid some of my poorer friends will get nervous about spending too much money. Also, is it appropriate to specify "no gifts"?

Oh, one more thing - is it necessary to give single invitees the option of bringing a guest? I have a few friends who are part of a couple, and I'm inviting their SOs, but do I need to give my single friends the option to bring someone? If so, since there won't be an inner envelope, should I just address the outer envelope to "John Doe and guest"?

Sorry for all the questions, but outside of my wedding, I've never sent out invitations!

Where to print custom wedding invitation?

patrickje — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:25:30 -0800

Where to print custom wedding invitations online? Has anyone had any experience with any online printing places? I'm going to print about 100 wedding invitations. The wedding invitation will have a photo on it. I'm having a graphic designer friend of my mine help with that, I'm just wondering where to print it, and what format the printer would be looking for? Has anyone had any experience with something like this?

wedding shower thing

frosty_hut — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 10:24:59 -0800

Wedding shower faux-pas, how to recover? I was recently invited, via a group email, to a wedding shower for another person at my part-time job. I've been there a year, and I've chatted with this woman a couple of times. I'm not one of her good friends obviously, but I was invited to a shower for the girls. I knew I wasn't going to be able to attend, but I planned to get her a gift.

Well the date of the shower came and went, and in the meantime I hadn't given her anything or even emailed her to say what was up. In my own defense I was terribly busy, and it just slipped off my radar. I think she and the other girl who set the thing up are upset with me, but it could be my imagination. Anyway, when I realized that I'd forgotten to RSVP, I put a card wishing her well and some candy in her mailbox (I'm a part-timer who works the evening shift, and I never see her).

I feel like both she and her friend who set the thing up are pissed off at me, and I'm very frustrated with myself--here I am trying to do my job and stay under the radar as a newish employee, and I'm just starting to feel competent about technical things in my position, but already I'm screwing up socially. It doesn't affect my paycheck, of course, but it makes me unhappy.

I never can manage to get into the swing of the girl vibe at work, and I'm beginning to resent that this is a part of what I'm expected to do. With two jobs and no way to get around except by bus at the moment, it's hard for me to keep many social committments, so I tend not to make them. When I get invited to something as a matter of course, like these showers that keep happening for people I barely know at work, it's like I've been placed on this conveyor belt and a clock starts ticking, and suddenly I'm under the gun to either RSVP and/or think of a suitable gift, and/or buy a gift, or tell the person I can't make it, or some combination of the above, and this time I messed up and they just didn't hear from me at all.

Did I screw up to the point that I deserve ostracism? (I don't have hard evidence of this, just a noticeable coolness on the part of the lady who sent out the invites). Should I go talk to the bride-to-be and apologize for not RSVPing?

How do you politely tell an ex that they are invited to your parent's visitation, but not the funeral?

Anonymous — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 06:01:44 -0800

How do you politely tell an ex that they are invited to your parent's visitation, but not the funeral? I've often heard that that funerals are for the living and not the dead, but I would like AskMeFi's advice on how to gracefully invite an ex to the visitation/wake of a parent but not the funeral. We parted ways several years ago and soon afterwards one of my parents was diagnosed with a terminal illness. My ex was upset and I assured him/her that I would keep them updated as things progressed. After not hearing from me for several months, my ex assumed that one of my parents had passed away and posted in a public forum, my parent's name, Rest in Peace, along with some other things that deeply hurt me and other members of the family.

I want to recognize his/her need to grieve via the visitation, but want to avoid the drama of having him/her present at the funeral as it would make several family members uncomfortable. Any thoughts?

Easy Invitations

daviss — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 06:10:13 -0800

I saw a website the other day that allowed you to send out a group voice mail message but cannot find it now. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Rule of thumb about who to invite at work to your wedding?

parma — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 18:30:35 -0800

How do I decide who at work to invite to my wedding? I'd love to invite everyone on my 20 person team - even the ones I only have worked with with five minutes here or there (Most of them.) But I'm afraid by inviting them, I may be making them feel obliged to come, lest I get offended. (I wouldn't at all.) Is there some sort of rule of thumb here? And what about my boss's boss, who I've had a total of maybe 4 minutes of conversation time with (99.9% chance he won't come, mainly because he doesn't know me and doesn't care). But he ultimately is the person who hired me since my boss is a contractor and not fully my boss.

...My motivation is that I am wanting to have a good relationship with everyone since I really like my job and want to stay.

Replying to a formal invitation

ascullion — Wed, 23 May 2007 02:38:36 -0800

So, I've been invited to a party at my country's embassy later this week. The formal invitation asks me to RSVP, but I don't do this sort of thing very often, and I've got no idea what the right protocol for a response is. Anyone got any idea?

Please help me with a sensitive wedding invitation challenge .

razzman — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 12:25:35 -0800

Please help me with a sensitive wedding invitation challenge. My partner doesn't want her parents on the invitation as her father has died years after a bitter separation from her mother. But my mum is a traditionalist and can't understand how I could leave her off the invite. Is there a way for everyone to be happy? I'm talking about the kind of invite which goes "...marriage of partner, daughter of mr and mrs xxx and razzman son of mr and mrs zzz. This is a kind of cultural expectation. My partner doesn't like the idea due to her family history.
We thought about putting a little cross near my partner's father's name but then this would imply that her mother is a widow (she kept the same surname). Leaving off her father and just including her mother is an option, has anyone seen this before? Any other suggestions?