Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with introversion

Long-Distance Friendship for Introverts

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:49:20 -0800

Introvert Filter: please help me revive a friendship! I have lost contact with an old friend, for no particularly good reason--I like this friend a lot, but I just never got motivated enough to call or write. My friend sent a couple emails, and I didn't reply to them. I kept meaning to write back, but I never got around to it, and now several months have gone by and I feel really guilty about it. It's especially hard for me to write back now because of the guilt, and because I don't know how to explain why I didn't write back before. This has gone on for several months and is only getting worse.

I feel like it takes a huge amount of energy to stay in contact with people, even when I like them. The longer I wait to reply, the harder it gets, until it seems nearly impossible. Yes, I know this is beyond normal behavior even for an introvert and procrastinator, but I don't think I can explain it any better. (If it helps, I'm a little like the author of this question, but she might not make sense either.)

Another factor to consider is that even when I manage to overcome my inertia and talk to one of my far-away friends, I don't necessarily manage to do it for another. This is just because I find it easier to keep in touch with some people than with others, and because some are more understanding than others of my not communicating (which has never gotten this bad before).

(TL;DR details: I was recently visited by another friend that I do talk to, who had stopped by friend #1's workplace. Friend #1 wondered what had happened to me, and Friend #2 felt awkward for having been in contact with me when I was ignoring Friend #1. I also feel awkward about emailing Friend #1 and claiming my behavior was nothing personal, when in fact I wasn't ignoring other people.)

I really want to email my friend. Unless my friend is extremely angry at me, which I doubt, it's worth whatever unpleasantness I'll have to endure; I just want to minimize that unpleasantness as much as I can. (I already know it's my fault and I deserve it, so please don't rub it in.) What should I say? Should I try to be honest even though it won't make sense? Should I lie? (I think there are times when a white lie really is better than the truth, but what lie would work here?) If your friend emailed you after a long disappearance, what could (s)he say that would minimize your negative reaction?

One final note: please do NOT say things like "just say what you said here, because anyone who's REALLY your friend will understand." Real people aren't perfect like this, and I'm not sure I'd even want friends who are endlessly forgiving.) Thanks for reading!

I want to rock the party.

yersinia — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:10:51 -0800

One bachelorette party, ten miscellaneous female guests, one extremely introverted organizer (that's me!). Activities are set, but what little things can I do (or how should I behave) to keep things cohesive and lively, instead of awkward or lame? As maid of honor at my sister's wedding, I'm in charge of running her bachelorette party in a few months' time. The thing is, I'm personally pretty reserved and low-energy. I've never been to one of these things myself, and in general female group socialization of the "SQUEE!"/Sex-and-the-City variety is kind of a mystery to me. Sis is also on the quiet side of average, but she does like parties and I know she'd enjoy having a proper bachelorette experience.

The guests are likely to be a mix of mutually-unacquainted high-school, college, and work friends, ages 25-35, and I haven't seen Sis with any of them, so I have no real sense of the existing social dynamics. We'll likely be doing a pole-dancing class plus dinner, and thanks to this question I'm set with ideas for smaller activities/games.

What I'm worried about are the intangibles of executing this plan, the little details of demeanor and conversation that might help unite everyone into a group and ensure that the energy level stays high. Being a kind of un-fun person myself, I've had plenty of social interactions that bottomed out, energy-wise (as well as some where I ended up having to exhaustedly feign enjoyment for hours at a time), and I'm worried about how the party will fare if I'm the one responsible for getting the evening going.

Normally, just the thought of attending a bachelorette party would fill me with dread and anxiety, but I think I can make it through the hostessing if I have a very clear, explicit plan for how to act/what to say/how to "be"/etc. to keep things lively for everyone. So thinking back to the absolute funnest small party you've ever attended, what qualities and behaviors characterized the host(ess)? And how can I fake being, well, more like that?

What's a single (dormed) girl to do?

punchdrunkhistory — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 14:07:39 -0800

How does a naturally introverted girl adjust to college life while living in a single dorm her freshman year? This September I'll be starting college at a small private liberal arts school. I'm a natural introvert, and so was looking forward to having a roommate in order to give my social life that much more of a jump start (as discussed heavily in this question). However, I learned today that I'll be living in a single. I'll be living on a floor with the other members of my first-year seminar, so I won't be totally alone, but I'm still terrified that I'm going to end up retreating into my room and find myself eating alone and never socializing. How do I get past this and make friends?

(To be clear, I have already met quite a few people through our class's Facebook group, and my best friend so far has already offered to hang out with me, but I'm sure even he will end up spending more time with his roommates. But this might just be paranoia.)

Suggestions for shy/anxious lurkers at meetups?

Two unicycles and some duct tape — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 04:49:31 -0800

Where can I find, order and purchase, by this evening, a T-shirt that says "Lurker" in big white letters? (Or would that be a bad idea?) Alternatively: please help me find ways to minimize or avoid social anxiety awkwardness at the PDX meetup. Hi, I'm a Metafilter lurker. I've been hanging around since 2002 or so but I don't say much. (This is actually my second account; I said a couple of things under my first account but I had second thoughts about them so I retired that one.) I have some social anxiety issues which make gatherings full of strangers difficult for me, though I'm trying to work through them as best I can.

I went to a meetup here in Portland a couple of years ago (at Ground Kontrol, some of you may remember it) and I spent a couple of hours doing the 'restlessly-circling-the-room-looking-for-some-reason-not-to-leave-immediately' thing that those of you who are shy or socially awkward probably know very well. Ultimately I did talk briefly with a couple of nice folks and it wasn't altogether as painful as it might have been, though I did leave quite early. The most awkward moments of the evening, I found, were those few when I'd end up facing someone and they'd visibly run through this Mefi recognition checklist: do I know this guy's face? no... do I recognize his username? [cue squinting and frowning at name badge] no... is there someone more interesting I could be talking to? hmm, probably... and then they'd sort of move on. It got to where I wanted to interrupt folks to say "Look, honest, you don't know me, you've never seen me post or comment, it's okay, hi, how are you?"

Sure, I get the curiosity about who folks are on Metafilter, and there are a ton of y'all whose posts and comments I've loved reading over the years and would probably enjoy chatting with in person, so I totally get the scanning-nametags-hoping-to-run-into-languagehat thing. But it's awkward and a bit disheartening to feel like I'm letting folks down just by not having a recognizable username. (Even if it is, as you'll no doubt suggest, all in my head. All-in-one's-headness doesn't necessarily make it go away.)

So I'm debating how best to approach the meetup this time to minimize potential awkwardness. I kind of feel like a "Lurker" t-shirt might help - that way I can get that right out of the way, no one will expect to know me, right? (Given the short notice, maybe it'd be easier to find someone who could whip up a button or something?) Or maybe we should stake out and designate a Lurker's Corner or something, where we not-so-extrovertish lurkers can get our lurk on in the shallow end before venturing into the deeper waters where all the cool kids hang out?

I'd really like to feel more at ease and possibly make some friends among Portland Mefites, but I'm feeling some anxiety already and beginning to have second thoughts about going. Any thoughts or suggestions on ways to mitigate anxiety and have a great time at tonight's meetup would be most welcome.

Inside this introvert is an extrovert trying to get out.

Anonymous — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 10:00:34 -0800

Inside this introvert is an extrovert trying to get out. Help me. For all of my life (30+ years) I have been shy and lacking in self confidence. I have a hard time meeting new people, am somewhat reserved, and find it difficult to act in an uninhibited, spontaneous manner.

The strange thing is that I hate being introverted, and I love opportunities that I have to be extroverted. When I can break out of my inertia and go to a party - the wilder the better - I generally have a great time. I am very good at and enjoy teaching and public speaking, and don't feel particularly nervous about either. When I have played team sports, gone out dancing, etc., I have generally enjoyed myself a great deal. These kinds of things leave me feeling energized rather than drained. If anything, I experience a real letdown afterwards, when I return to my everyday life, which seems so bland in contrast.

The main dilemma I am facing right now is that I have arranged my life to comfort my introversion, and thus in a manner that seems to inhibit my nascent extroversion at every turn. Someone once answered an AskMe question by saying something like "look at who you surround yourself with - that is who you are." I surround myself with shy, awkward people, who are unresponsive to my attempts at being positive and social. I am in a profession (academia) that is dominated by awkward, introverted people. Most would really rather be alone most of the time, and respond to new ideas with criticism and negativity. I have a partner who is quite wonderful, but deeply inhibited and introverted. Our relationship is stable and warm, but there isn't much spark or passion. Most of the social events I attend are quiet, tepid, superficial affairs; most of the people I interact with are reserved, awkward, critical, and passionless; there is very little joy and passion around me, and every time I try to ignite a small fire I feel it being snuffed out. I feel like I'm living in a world of snark. To top it off, I recently moved to new city in which I am far away from old friends and, because of cultural differences, it is quite difficult to meet new people.

My question is: how do I change this? I know that it starts from within - that I have to be expressive and extroverted if I expect things to happen - but I feel like these efforts are just being wasted, like I'm shouting at the ground. I feel like I have a lot to give to people and projects, but I can't do it all on my own, and I can't find others who want to share experiences with me. Every time I make a small effort, it feels wasted. Is there a special secret world of passionate, energetic people that I just don't know about? How do I find them?

How can I be outgoing without the use of alcohol?

flibbertigibbet — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 07:36:56 -0800

How can I be outgoing without the use of alcohol? I had a very tight policy of avoiding a situation in which I would feel pressured to drink. This is because I don't like losing control and talking too much, and because my father is an alcoholic.

Aaand then I had to go to a passover seder due to my increasing religiosity, and grape juice wasn't readily available as the kids had scurried it to different rooms to drink it there. I really was anxious the first night--I knew I would get drunk quickly, as the last time I really drank was five years ago. And yeah, I got wasted (giggling hysterically for three hours) on very little alcohol. I hated the idea of losing control before getting drunk, but it wasn't that bad.

For the second seder, I ate beforehand and brought I friend. I got comfortably drunk on 5-ish glasses of wine, and I met more people in the 5 hours of the second seder than I had met during all of the 30-50 hours of Shabbat dinners that I had attended previously--and the Shabbat dinners had the exact same people attending as the seders.

How can I keep up that gregarious version of myself when not drunk? I still want to really control my drinking--no drinking alone, no drinking everyday, no drinking during every social situation in any given week, no drinking to self-medicate, etc.--because of the family history of alcoholism, but I like meeting people. Plz hope me.

You Take My Breath Away... Help, I Can't Breathe...

Anonymous — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 08:14:58 -0800

Help me deal with high stakes situations without turning people off and giving myself headaches. Sometimes I feel like an extrovert with the skills of an introvert. When I am relaxed and comfortable with people, I can tell jokes, tell stories, have great intense or silly conversations, argue well, and just *engage*. I like who I am at those moments. I wish all of life could be like that.

Unfortunately, whenever I am not relaxed - in most new or high-stakes situations like meetings with the boss, meeting strangers, dates - I am the exact opposite. If I want to make a point, I can't remember any of my arguments. If I try to tell a story, it comes out stilted. If I'm with a guy I really like I'll suddenly be unable to think of any topic of conversation I could possibly bring up. I just generally go quiet.

What frustrates me the most is not what I do or do not say itself - it's the body language I can't control. I cross my arms, I can't meet people's eyes, my voice becomes soft and I speak fast and clipped. I sometimes have problems eating beforehand, because of butterflies in my stomach/nausea, and I frequently get headaches after (I never get headaches otherwise). By this point something that was supposed to be fun or at least exciting is now completely aversive and I just want it over with.

Example 1: I recently went out on a date with a boy I like. We've been friends for a little while and when we've been with our friends I've felt very comfortable and able to be myself. But when we went on a date, I suddenly couldn't meet his eyes or think of very much to say, and by the time the evening was over, I had a headache. This is a constant problem for me - it is probably part of why I have never dated anyone, or hooked up with anyone when I wasn't drunk.

Example 2: I have a really great job with a very kind, encouraging boss. But I'm kind of intimidated by him - he's fairly famous in our field - and so whenever he asks me casually how I'm doing or how my weekend went I find myself freezing up and giving a very rote and unfriendly sort of answers.

I doubt that this is uncommon - maybe it's just an exaggerated version of what most people go through. And most of the time I am absolutely fine. I have some amazing friends and can small talk at the checkout line with the best of them. But I'm worried that in these specific instances I'm not leaving a good impression - at best, people must be thinking that I'm kind of uptight and boring, and at worst, what if they think that I'm not interested in them or invested in the situation - when that is the exact opposite of how I feel! I'm constantly shooting myself in the foot.

So, HiveMind - have you ever gone through this? How did you cope? What are some steps I can take and things I can do to help myself here?

the art of solitude?

drea — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 06:44:52 -0800

I need to know how to enjoy my own company. That is, I need to know how to enjoy my own company enough so that I don't have pangs of envy whenever I see long-term acquaintances having a great time with each other and with Facebook photos to show for it. I don't have friends which I would be proud to call my "partners in crime," or who would be perfectly willing to hide dead bodies for me. I'm nobody's closest friend. I get that it's quality over quantity with these things, but the odds have yet to be on my side. So while I'm alone, please help me learn to get over it, not feel so bad about it, enjoy it even. I could get more friends (not as close as I'd like) but I think I need to prioritize being comfortable with myself first, in front of people or not.

I like the fact that I'm introverted, and that introversion gives the appearance of depth and all, but really, there's nothing like a rowdy, laughing bunch of people you've known for a long time (from which you are excluded) to let you know what you've been missing out on.

This sounds so teenager-y and highschool-esque but what the heck it wasn't too long ago (for me) anyway. Thanks ahead.

Coping/patience advice for someone going on a large synagogue tour to Israel.

gillyflower — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 10:04:30 -0800

Coping/patience advice for someone going on a large synagogue tour to Israel. (Please note: I'm NOT looking for advice on what to see in Israel. This has all been pre-planned. Thanks.)

Background info: This is a 12-day tour with 39 people plus two (very nice, but likely to be very busy) Reform Jewish rabbis. As I understand it, we'll also have a dedicated tour guide and a bus driver. The tour is oriented towards Reform Jewish first-time Israel visitors and the itinerary is pretty varied, but packed. I'm the adult daughter of one of the couples that planned the trip; my parents are VERY well-known in the congregation and most people on the tour either don't know who I am (I lived elsewhere for ten years), or know me as the daughter of one of my parents. We'll be staying in 3 hotels over the tour and I'll have a single room. I won't have any friends or relatives on the trip.

My main concern is: I'm an introvert. I get stressed out when I'm with people all the time, especially when I'm not in charge of my time, and this trip is rather tightly scheduled. We'll all travel together at all times and most meals will be together. I've never been on a tour like this before. I envision a lot of standing/sitting around waiting for the inevitable little old couple who is ten minutes late getting where they're supposed to be. There are also a lot of first-time-outside-the-US travelers on this trip (I'm not one of them), and a lot of older folks, so I envision a lot of people complaining/whining or being easily confused and asking questions repeatedly, things that really irritate me.

There is a plan to shift people around on the bus so everyone gets to sit with everyone else and people don't "clump up" or hog the front seats. I am okay with this. I don't mind talking to a different person on every ride. And I'm sure I will make friends, but...

My favorite way to travel is alone, with no schedule and lots of wandering/walking. Yes, I'm aware that there'll be none of that on this trip! We've been advised not to go off alone during our small amount of free time. I am going to try to circumvent this advice whenever possible; I'll have a cell phone and good maps, and I'm savvy about personal safety.

In short: I'm worried I'll have an awful time, getting so irritated by the other travelers that I can't enjoy the amazing sights/history/food/etc.

Anyone been in this situation before (an introvert's first time on a large tour)? I am really not an unpleasant or easily overwhelmed person; if this were a weekend trip I wouldn't be concerned in the least. But 12 days worries me. And travel is always stressful anyway. Any ideas?

Help me overcome and introverted nature.

mintchip — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 19:56:55 -0800

Help me overcome and introverted nature. I am basically introverted. I don't have a hard time talking to people if I have to, or if I really want to. I just often don't really have the desire to overcome my default state of introversion.

It's not that I don't like other people; in fact, I love it when people are friendly with me!! I've just always been more content to sit back and observe others and wait for them to talk to me. But more often than not, this results in missed opportunities. Seems like people just don't notice the quiet girl who sits back and waits for them to talk to her :(

Recently I've been spending time with someone who is very outgoing. He makes friends with all of the wait staff (male or female) whenever we go out. Honestly, this leaves me feeling a little jealous--I would love to meet people too and have friends wherever I go but feel that no one ever talks to me.

I think the issue is that I just don't know how to make the first move. How can I push myself out of my comfort zone?

How do nice people do it?

freshwater_pr0n — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:58:45 -0800

I've always admired people who are just genuinely nice, warm folks and inspire everyone they talk to. I'd like to be one of those people when I grow up, but I don't know how to do it. Sometimes, when I do or say nice things, people get freaked out and think that I'm hitting on them, want something from them or am being insincere. That isn't the case, but every time it happens, I get a little more timid about doing nice things for people. It's easy to get by with a prickly Dorothy Parker routine, but that's not how I want to live my life. And I'm sick of not doing or saying nice things just because I'm not socially adept enough to pull it off. Being an asshole is easy, and no one ever questions your motives. How can I, as an introvert, act upon my nice impulses without freaking people out? What's the secret to being a mensch?

Why are you talking at me?

allkindsoftime — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:30:39 -0800

Please help me kill my introversion before it kills my relationships. (standard apologies for the length)

One weekend a couple of years back, I had a good college friend come and visit me at my place in NYC. I remember on that Saturday we made no plans, didn't go anywhere, just opened up the windows and door to the deck and enjoyed the nice weather. She read a book and journaled, I surfed the internet and cleaned my desk. We went for hours at a time without saying anything to each other. I often think of this as one of the most pleasant days of my life - having somebody there with me but the both of us actively pursuing our own activities, not feeling much need for words.

People don't seem to get me. I'm an introvert, and unfortunately for a long time have been trying to live like I wasn't one, which seemed to work well enough for maybe the past 5 years. I had my problems here and there, but I got by - landed the better jobs, got the promotion, had good friends, was enjoying life. During this period I rarely dated and never had a serious relationship, not so much for lack of opportunity as just a lack of interest.

Recently I made a major move to a new city (in a new country), and in particular have struggled with two individuals: a subordinate I manage on my work project that brought me here, and a colleague on another project nearby who I have been spending a few weekends traveling with. In both circumstances, I have extremely upset these people, the first in the work environment and the second in the travel / leisure environment, due to my lack of effort at open, direct communication. Both of them, actually, were upset by the same situation - when I picked up my book for an hour or more and just read without saying anything. Was I supposed to warn them I was going to read instead of chat? This kind of blows my mind - that things like this which seem so insignificant to me could lead to total relationship meltdown.

Things I have trouble with:

1) Eye contact. When talking to either of the aforementioned about specifics, I find it incredibly hard to maintain eye contact, regardless of the environment or topic at hand. I have absolutely no trouble with eye contact with strangers, my close friends, a girl I'm interested in, or acquaintances that I have little dealing with. It seems to be more in relationships that are forced upon me by circumstance (i.e. work colleagues, etc.).

2) Small talk. I pretty much hate this with anyone. I like to get to the point, I don't want to comment on the weather or your day yesterday or other uninteresting information. I know this is rude and inconsiderate, but how do I change myself to actually be interested in hearing someone talk about these things?

3) Verbalizing my thoughts. If I don't have anything to say, I usually remain quiet. I realize that some people need more explanation about what I'm thinking / feeling / etc., but even given this realization I find it very hard to remember / force myself to actually say things that I really don't think need to be said. This sometimes pours over into not verbalizing things that I do think need to be said, because an atmosphere of tense silence has already been created, and because I'm fairly comfortable with it, so why rock the boat?

I often prefer to communicate via email / IM - writing feels important to me - I have my thoughts there in a format that is clear and easy to reference, and it allows no one to bend what I've said. That said, I think I sometimes rely to heavily on this when I should be saying things verbally.

How do I change? I realize there are parts of this that are just who I am, but if who I am makes other people miserable, I believe I have to change that. I suppose "get thee to therapy" is the logical response but I don't really have that option at the moment (on reduced salary with limited benefits in a country I'm not from). What I am looking for are practical habits I can look to develop, tips/tricks I can pick up, ways to be a warmer person that can help others understand where I am coming from, etc..

It seems like most of the popular stuff out there regarding introversion is focused on helping everyone else understand us (see here, here, and here). That's all well and good and I wish they would, but its a hell of a lot easier to change myself than it is to change everyone else.

Eye contact, smiling and communicating interest?

mintchip — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:01:47 -0800

Eye contact, smiling and how to be more approachable? What I'm trying to figure out is how to communicate interest to others and seem more approachable, particularly when it comes to eye contact and smiling.

I am quite shy and have the hardest time looking strangers in the eye. Sometimes I'll be out at a cafe or on the street and a guy will be looking or even staring at me and even if I *want* them to approach me I look away. Once someone is talking to me I have no problem looking them in the eye...I just have trouble communicating interest initially.

First of all, I live in the northeast where people are pretty reserved and not very friendly. Second, I'm not sure how long to look people in the eye to communicate openess or interest without it seeming strange. Also, do I need to smile at the same time (if I don't, it will seem unfriendly, right?). Finally, I'm scared they will look away or think I'm desperate, so the way I avoid that is by just keeping a blank look on my face much of the time. I'm sure this comes across as disinterest, but that's not what I want to convey.

I know I'm overthinking this, but humor me, Mefites ;) It's not easy being an introvert in an extrovert's world.

I keep my friends "separate" from each other. "Group" things make me nervous. So...how to introduce my new boyfriend?

Anonymous — Sun, 03 Dec 2006 08:00:18 -0800

I keep my friends "separate" from each other. I have this really weird thing where I get very nervous when I introduce my friends to each other. Basically I always worry that they won't like each other, or that one will judge me on the company I keep (obviously I like all of my friends, but some are troubled souls...for example, one is a serious alcoholic), or that one of my friends will make me look bad to the other person, intentionally or not. I believe that most of these worries are unfounded, but basically I am someone who has trouble relaxing and just "letting things happen," and this is one of those examples. I also just feel more comfortable interacting one-on-one than in a group.

Furthermore, due to a prior history of depression, I went through a period where I really had very few friends and unfortunately lost some of the ones I did have. Consequently, I don't have the "tribe" of friends one might expect for someone who has been living in the same city as long as I have. Although I've mostly overcome these past difficulties, I'm terribly sensitive about not having enough good friends and appearing unpopular. (I should add that I am a natural introvert, and the issue is more that I feel that I "should" have more friends than "wanting" to have more.)

Enter my new boyfriend. How do I introduce him to my friends, who I like and hang out with occasionally but am not terribly close with, without getting really stressed out about the whole situation and worrying that he won't like my friends, they won't like him, that he is wondering why I don't have closer friends, etc.?

Addendum: I briefly dated a number of the guys in my circle at a time when I wasn't being particularly "picky"...I don't think I'd need to tell the BF since they were not serious relationships, but this certainly adds to my nervousness about introductions and what may or may not reveal itself at a later date...especially if alcohol is involved. I am serious about this guy and don't want him to judge me on a past that is totally in the past!

Introverts vs Extraverts. Who does better?

zaebiz — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 02:45:02 -0800

Has there been any respected comprehensive research about whether extraverts are more successful in life than introverts or vice versa? Financially? What about in terms of life satisfaction, suicide rates, number of marriages etc? Also is there any research on how this varies with the degree of introversion/extraversion ? What about ratio of world and/or business leaders?

This is something I have thought about for many years and was brought up to believe that extraverts do better in life. Anything relevant in terms of serious research/surveys would be interesting.

How does an introvert entertain an extrovert for the weekend?

jacobjacobs — Wed, 03 May 2006 12:10:54 -0800

I'm very introverted, I have a very extroverted friend who is spending the weekend... how can I remain a good host? An old college buddy is coming to visit me (I live alone and have no friends in the area) and he has done so in past. He's staying for 2 nights, which is actually 1 night more than I'd prefer, but he is making the trip so I can't complain.

In the past, my social battery starts waning after just one day of action -- his battery is charged by social activity. He's very flamboyant, privately and publically, which is fun, but as an introvert (who doesn't socialize much at all nowadays) it is taxing. I don't want to get grumpy; I think I may have been during his last visit. He actually got upset with me because I didn't want to go out "clubbing" with him and seems oblivious to my introversion.

Can anyone relate and share tips/strategies for such events? He was my best (and only, other than girlfriend) friend in college and neither of us want our relationship to die. I'm not as "fun" as I used to be, maybe age has dulled me, but he's 2 years older than me, so it's not a good excuse!

How do I talk to new people more confidently?

Anonymous — Mon, 24 Jan 2005 09:40:57 -0800

I'm moving into a line of work where I will have to talk to people more than usual, work with them on projects, and generally be fairly talkative and sociable. I have no trouble with my friends or people I know well, but sometimes, with new people, I clam up, or talk quickly in one long monotonous ramble - yet sometimes I'm fine. It's basically a lack of confidence in myself - how can I trick myself into feeling confident, or at least talking normally?