99 posts tagged with intimacy.
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How can I communicate about intimacy issues?

I've been actively dating and having intimate encounters, but it's hard for me to address my sexual limitations and lack of experience with new partners. How to deal? [more inside]
posted by cosmicbeast on Jul 2, 2015 - 13 answers

Help me get over a three-night stand

I had an unexpectedly emotionally intimate experience with someone impossible about a month ago, and I can't seem to move past it. Help me process the aftermath? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 21, 2015 - 19 answers

Should I try to date? If so, whom should I date, and how?

I’m finally emotionally ready to date with the aim of starting an actual relationship, but my life situation isn’t there yet. How can I plan my life for a solid, equitable relationship, and how should I approach dating? [more inside]
posted by cotton dress sock on Apr 27, 2015 - 23 answers

Did I emotionally violate myself, or did he emotionally violate me?

I've been getting closer and closer to the guy I've been dating for six months. He's very lovely. The other week I worried a little that we weren't close 'enough' for where I want to be, and mentioned in passing that I usually would've told past boyfriends some pretty big (dark) things that haven't come up yet in our relationship. I explained that this was less because I didn't trust him and more because I guess I'm experimenting with the idea that these things (child sexual abuse, a very abusive relationship with an alcoholic in my teens) don't define me and I don't need to 'fess up' as being 'damaged' like I have previously. However, he took it to mean that there was lots about me he didn't know which he has said he finds 'distressing', and he also wants me to trust him with these things. He's mentioned it twice since, and I ended up just telling him the other night mainly to reassure him, but I now feel a little....emotionally exposed, and not sure whether I did that to myself (he didn't force them out of me, but I did feel pressured), or whether I should let him know that it made me feel uncomfortable and that I wasn't quite ready. I don't want to offend him again, or cause a rupture in what is otherwise a great relationship. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Apr 3, 2015 - 31 answers

How to love a fearful-avoidant partner

I've seen these questions about how to change a fearful-avoidant attachment style, but I can't find any information on how to help a partner who is fearful-avoidant feel loved and secure. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2015 - 11 answers

Help for the fearful-avoidant adult.

I seem to be Fearful-avoidant according to attachment theory in adults. Please help me learn more about this way of dealing with people. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 30, 2015 - 8 answers

Help me get started studying relationships.

I need to learn how to think about relationships that are "more than just" friendships. This needs to happen before I start to consider whether I want that kind of relationship, so I'm not looking for any kind of practical guide. Perhaps that means I need to read philosophy texts, in which case I'd like some recommendations for that; or maybe you have a better idea of what I need. [more inside]
posted by LogicalDash on Feb 7, 2015 - 10 answers

Love for body after trauma

How did you learn to feel comfortable in your body after trauma? (Possible trigger warning) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 26, 2014 - 12 answers

is this a red flag or am I too sensitive?

New guy I'm seeing came over completely wasted and seems to drink quite a bit. I have alcoholism/drug addiction in my family so I feel like sometimes I can be too judgmental about things that others deem normal. I also am petrified of vulnerability and have a tendency to push people away. How do I know what's normal and what's not when it comes to drinking and dating? [more inside]
posted by DayTripper on Nov 19, 2014 - 56 answers

What if it doesn't help?

This is a sensitive question about childhood sexual abuse and whether to tell or not tell my husband, 25 year after the core of the incidents. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 22, 2014 - 22 answers

New relationship and starting Lexapro

Effects on libido, dosage, other factors [more inside]
posted by mermily on Oct 16, 2014 - 12 answers

Need help getting over my fear of intimate friendships

I have fear of intimacy issues - how do i overcome them? I'm currently a 33 year old male. I was pretty unpopular when i was in middle and high school - i was a particularly awkward kid and i often got rejected when trying to make new friends or invite people to things. I spent much of high school feeling particularly lonely or alone and isolated. Though the adult world is different, i'm still carrying these same fears and it's been terrible to my social and personal life. What are the best steps to work out of these? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 1, 2014 - 7 answers

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner?

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2014 - 26 answers

He's just definitely that into you

What does healthy requited love look like? How do I know if a person Likes Me Back? [more inside]
posted by Sara C. on Apr 9, 2014 - 31 answers

Libido Rollercoasters Going In Different Directions...

After years of his turning me down sexually and not wanting to touch me as I enjoy, now he's interested... and I’m not. Is there anything we can do? [NSFW] [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Mar 14, 2014 - 18 answers

Took the vows. Both still here. Why do I feel so alone?

Please help me think through a marriage that's hollowing out from the inside. Survival strategies needed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 31, 2014 - 47 answers

How can I match my girlfriend in X-rated talk?

Ladies, please help an out-of-practice man talk dirty to a new girlfriend who wants to be more verbal in bed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 10, 2013 - 22 answers

Overwhelming need for intimacy.

I've been really lonely the past year or two, and it's been very overwhelming how much I've missed being with someone. I romanticize women I come across and it always leads to disappointment. How do I stop doing this? [more inside]
posted by morning_television on Nov 4, 2013 - 18 answers

It's Complicated (But Not Really)

What would you call this type of relationship? [more inside]
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing on Oct 29, 2013 - 43 answers

Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

Lets get it on, or get it off!

I’m going for a “One final attempt to straighten things out” about our sex life. Ineed a few lines to take and thought to hold on to so that I don’t come across as aggressive or needy or at least not slightly responsible... [more inside]
posted by krisb1701d on Sep 5, 2013 - 16 answers

dying alone with cats/fear of intimacy

I need to get over my fear of intimacy. I need help recognizing self-sabotaging behavior, when dealing with the opposite sex and otherwise, that is preventing me from having a grown-up healthy heterosexual relationship. [more inside]
posted by DayTripper on Aug 4, 2013 - 18 answers

What does it look like when it's real?

I have been out of a relationship for two years and working on myself emotionally, socially, and spiritually to clear out issues and limiting beliefs I have around dating and intimacy. I am currently in individual therapy to deal with personal stuff and have recently agreed (with prompting by my therapist) to participate in group therapy specific to dating and relationships. [more inside]
posted by strelitzia on Jul 16, 2013 - 9 answers

Please explain this style of emotional disclosure/intimacy to me.

I have been getting closer to a friend of mine recently. He has a very particular way of sharing his feelings or more meaningful thoughts that I find a bit off putting and perhaps a little wary? Can you explain to me this one-sided monologue style of sharing when I am used to more of a back and forth? [more inside]
posted by abirdinthehand on Jun 2, 2013 - 38 answers

Getting you to open up is like squeezing blood from a turnip

In addition to wanting to make new connections who are the oversharing, vulnerability exposing type (see previous askme questions) I would also like to improve (increase) the amount of friendship intimacy with my current set of friends. It's failing miserably, even with those friends I've had for years and I can't help wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or if my views on what's appropriate and desirable are off. [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on May 30, 2013 - 98 answers

What do couples derive from intimacy?

I have been single for a while now. My past relationships have been less than stellar or fulfilling but it has caused me to be mildly misanthropic and averse to people. Apart from needs like sex I am not sure why so many couples are even together. I am in a phase where I am preparing for a relationship. But I am not sure what people are getting out of intimate romantic relationships apart from sex? [more inside]
posted by skwint on Apr 5, 2013 - 42 answers

How can I relax, immediately after a hookup?

I definitely don’t want, and am not ready for, a relationship. I do want a bit of fun now and then, except insomnia and overstimulation mix with a bit of post-coital anxiety and mess everything up. What are things I can do to soothe myself to sleep, so I can enjoy the evening I had? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2013 - 11 answers

On the timeliness of relationships, on overcoming sexual trauma

Please share your knowledge about the customs of dating, my question being from the point of view of a sexual abuse victim, and of the reactions of men who go on dates with her. [more inside]
posted by Jireel on Feb 1, 2013 - 37 answers

What is intimacy?

How does emotional intimacy work in your marriage/LTR? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 24, 2012 - 18 answers

oversharers wanted

Where can i seek out people who are into oversharing and instant intimacy? [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on Dec 14, 2012 - 37 answers

Romance with old friend

I've recently been through some major life changes and find myself feeling strong romantic feelings for an old friend, former co-worker. I fear acting on my feelings because I don't want to jeopardize our platonic friendship which, at my age (65) is precious. I worry that even talking about my change in feelings for this woman might ruin our friendship. I'm not certain that she has reciprocal feelings for me, although I think she might. We are very compatible in most regards, intellectually, shared interests and activities, etc. And the friendship just as it is is rare and cherished. Should I 'confess' and risk what we have, or accept it for what it is and look elsewhere for the intimacy I seek? As might be obvioius, I have limited experience in physical (sexual) and emotionally-close relationships.
posted by NorthCoastCafe on Dec 3, 2012 - 10 answers

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I know I deserve better in my relationships with men. I know that I am worth so much more than what I get. How do I start to stop letting myself make stupid choices? [more inside]
posted by houndsoflove on Nov 19, 2012 - 31 answers

Can you really be addicted to a certain kind of sadness?

Can you really be addicted to a certain kind of sadness? Ugh...I hate that song. My boyfriend has serious intimacy issues but is trying to work on them. I feel intermittently insecure/frustrated/sad/angry and I don't know how much longer I can take it... [more inside]
posted by entropy33 on Nov 4, 2012 - 14 answers

I'm not cut out for modern dating. Please help!

I'm not cut out for modern dating. Please help! [more inside]
posted by whitelily on Oct 7, 2012 - 33 answers

My husband doesn't value intimacy

My aspie husband and I have good sex, but he doesn't seem to value intimacy. Or maybe to even be capable of it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 9, 2012 - 16 answers

Resources on Adult Attachment Therapy?

I may be starting adult attachment therapy in the next week, on the advice of a crisis counselor and after a few years of on-and-off treatment for anxiety and depression that's not getting me very far. Point me to some quality, hopefully easy to find resources that can spell out what the experience might be like. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 18, 2012 - 4 answers

How can I encourage my friend to come out of his shell?

O wisest MeFites, do you have any ideas about how to foster intimacy in a friendship with someone who is emotionally guarded and shut down? [more inside]
posted by strelitzia on Aug 15, 2012 - 26 answers

Am I afraid or just not that into him?

Is this a sign that it's not a good match or am I just afraid of intimacy after my last relationship? [more inside]
posted by abirdinthehand on Jul 17, 2012 - 13 answers

Friendships, relationships, and my screwed-up brain.

Friendships, relationships, and my screwed-up brain. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 6, 2012 - 15 answers

Help me help my marriage

My wife of 14 years never tells me she loves me. She never initiates sex. She never holds my hand, kisses or casually touches me. No pillow talk. No thoughtful little gifts. I do all of these things for her as often as I can. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 22, 2012 - 43 answers

How to keep falling in love with my wife?

Resources on how to foster passion and "have fun" with your spouse? [more inside]
posted by ohsnapdragon on Apr 23, 2012 - 16 answers

Remedial Macking

I'd like to hear your thoughts on how one "makes a move" on someone else. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2012 - 50 answers

how do build closer friendships

How to build deeper social connections by addressing vulnerability issues? [more inside]
posted by wallawallasweet on Mar 29, 2012 - 12 answers

Help a girl say no.

Late-twenties female in need of new strategies for handling intimate encounters and avoiding disassociation during sex and shame afterwards. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 5, 2012 - 35 answers

How to find abundance in love

What do you do to feel that love is abundant in the world? [more inside]
posted by 3491again on Feb 20, 2012 - 25 answers

Love Me Tender, Love Me True (Love Me Back???)

I'm ridiculously attracted to my wife but her sex drive is an issue. And when we do have sex, the effort I put into the act isn't reciprocated, which to me is almost the biggest issue. We've talked about it but nothing's really changed. What next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 6, 2012 - 45 answers

How do I read signals from someone who doesn't seem to have any?

I'm involved in a new relationship with a guy that I like. He's what I would describe as very self-contained. Quiet, comes off as pretty shy, and requires a bit of effort to get to know. Things have recently started to get physical, but I'm finding myself frustrated because I have no idea how to read this guy's signals and moving things forward is up to me. What does complete silence mean? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 18, 2012 - 30 answers

Honestly, guys: are you REALLY sexually satisfied without her orgasm?

They pretty much all want it and I'm feeling very discouraged. Are there HONESTLY men out there who are sexually satisfied if their partner does NOT have an orgasm? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 1, 2011 - 41 answers

OMG he's not crazy!

I'm dating a guy who is different from everyone I've ever dated before (in a good way) and because of that I don't know how to build emotional intimacy with him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 27, 2011 - 23 answers

What does a virgin need to know for the first time?

I'm probably going to lose my virginity in the next few weeks. What do I need to know? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 23, 2011 - 49 answers

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