Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with intercourse

oh yea, oh yea, oh, OW?

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:59:50 -0800

Yet another pain-during-intercourse question for girls. With my last 2 partners (neither which are the biggest I've ever been with) I've experienced pain during sex. It's caused by the penis rubbing the 'taint' right where the 'back' entrance to the vagina is, usually happens after a few minutes, depending on position and wetness. It is much worse for from-behind positions, because of the constant rubbing, and even when I am really wet it starts hurting after a while because of the friction and the pressure on that part. I'm thinking it's more pressure than friction, because water doesn't sting, so it doesn't feel like it was rubbed into a rash, but feels more like a bruise, in a way.

After having sex twice in one day, it usually hurts even when I barely touch it (as in the shower), and I need about 2 days before I can have pain-free sex again.

This is annoying, because I like sex and would love to do it if not twice a day, then at least once a day without any pain to follow, and sadly, with this problem, any sex lasting more than 15 minutes is impossible. I never had this problem with the guy I was with before (who was slightly bigger than the current guy), we were doing it 3x/day and there was no pain. The only difference is that this is 2 years later (I'm 25). Aside from this problem, everything feels good and the way it should, I have enough natural lubrication, no STDs.

The reason I'm not going to the gyno for this is because what's she gonna tell me - try positions that don't hurt (missionary only? no thanks!), more lube (I'm OK there), and don't have sex too often (blah)?

Has anyone experienced this and figured out a good solution?

throwawaymetafilter@gmail.com

I want a physical thing, no more, no less

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:32:52 -0800

How do I identify and meet women interested in a one night stand? For the past few years, I've found myself in a number of relationships where my partners don't want to have sex. They'll do everything to remain technical virgins (oral, mutual masturbation, etc.), but penetrative intercourse is out. For some reason, I seem to keep meeting these sorts of women when I go out looking for a girlfriend.

At this point, I'm single and ready to have some fun. I've been thinking of going to bars and other places where I might meet women who are interested in a purely sexual relationship.

My questions are:

1. How can I tell if a woman is interested in having a one night stand?

2. Where can I meet women who are interested in only a sexual relationship? For example, does craigslist Casual Encounters actually work?

3. If I suspect a woman may be interested in a one night stand, then how can I proposition her for this?

If you need to follow up, throwaway e-mail is mansextonight at gmail.com.

Should I be concerned about a casual fling with someone with herpes? (NSFW-ish)

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 18:38:26 -0800

Should I be concerned about a casual fling with someone with herpes? (NSFW-ish) I'm exploring casual sex relationships, and the polyamorous / open relationship lifestyle. I met someone who seems like a good fit for a fling (sane, safe, tests for STDs frequently etc.), and we get along well. However they disclosed that they have herpes (oral and genital), although has not trnasmitted to their partner over the past 7+ years due to prophylactic Valtrex use daily.

I'm new to this, and I am negative for both HSV types. I've read arguement that fear over HSV is more a puritanical issue -- so this makes me question if I should not be so worried about casual encounters with HSV+ partners, too. I didn't plan on using condoms for oral sex, just of anal/vaginal.

Girlfriend's mysterious, not-going-away pain during sex

The Dutchman — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:06:05 -0800

My girlfriend has had internal pain during sex since a couple weeks after we got together 5 months ago. She's been to two doctors, with multiple visits and we still don't have a solid diagnosis. History and details follow... At first, she thought it was just a yeast infection and went to see her doctor. They agreed and gave her Diflucan and a course of Monistat. That didn't seem to clear things up, so they had her repeat the same treatment which cleared up the yeast infection, but she was still having pain during intercourse and returned to her doctor. They did tests for chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis, although they were pretty skeptical that she had any of them. As expected, none were found and they went on to treat her for bacterial vaginosis (and they said it would treat trich too, just in case) with metroconizole. This still did not alleviate the pain during intercourse.

Again, she returned to the doctor who at this point was pretty stumped and called in another doctor, who was also stumped. They gave her azithromycin for chlamydia (in case it had been a false negative, and because it was a wide-spectrum antibiotic that would possibly kill whatever it was that was bothering her). At that point, she was clear for yeast, but they had her take super-doses of acidophilus and inserting yogurt "just in case." At this point, we hadn't had sex in a month because I was traveling, so we know there was no cross-contamination. I got tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea and treated for trich, just in case. We also both got tested for HIV and we're negative.

Next, she decided to try another doctor and went to the gyn listed in New York Magazine's "Best Doctors" issue. At this point, my girlfriend also thought the yeast had come back a bit. The doctor agreed and took a yeast culture in addition to a urinary tract infection culture, pap smear and "generic" culture to see what was there. All results normal and did not show yeast. This doctor's diagnosis of the pain was that the nerves had been stimulated by an infection and even though the infection is now gone, the nerves don't realize it. She gave her a cream: Nystatin and Triamcinolone Acetonide, which is an anti-inflammatory and antifungal. That hasn't helped either.

My girlfriend and I had had (a lot) of pain-free sex for the first 2 weeks we were together, so we don't think it's an allergy to condoms, lube, etc or a just a factor of being with a new partner, and we're monogamous. The pain starts when I'm about halfway in. It seems to decrease once I'm fully inside, but doesn't go away.

She has another appointment with the New York Magazine doctor in a few days for additional cultures. In the meantime, it's been 5 months of this and we're both worried and frustrated and feel like the doctors are just throwing darts blindfolded at this point.

Does anyone have any thoughts to share? Anything you would suggest she gets tested/cultured for? Anything I should get tested for to help diagnose her? Thanks so much!

Has the Internet changed how you have sex?

HotPatatta — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:20:09 -0800

How has sex changed for you since the Internet made porn so easily accessible? I grew up in the age of easy-to-obtain Internet porn, so I never got to experience what sex was like back in the pre-Internet days. For those of you who have been around longer, have you noticed a change in your or your partners' sexual behavior over the past ~10-15 years? An increased willingness or desire to do certain things, perhaps? Exaggerated moaning? Improved techniques? Unusual positions now more common? Have you not noticed a change at all?

I realize porn stars haven't invented anything new and that what is seen on screen has been practiced by many people for thousands of years, but I'm wondering if the ubiquity of porn has led to a general change in what is now considered to be standard bedroom behavior.

Where's the pain coming from?

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:36:15 -0800

What does being poked in the cervix during intercourse feel like? My experience with sex is limited to just the past few weeks. I'm still feeling some pain, either from a still-not-quite-gone hymen, or some tightness in my vagina, but now and then, I feel some pain that feels different and I think it might be coming from my cervix. Sometimes it feels like a lot of different sensations get all mixed up down there, and I have a hard time figuring out where the pain or pleasure are coming from.

To give an example, a couple of weeks ago, during intercourse (not so painful), my husband was going a little deep, and then he came, at which point I felt like I had been pierced by a hard and pointy object and later, some big drops of blood came out. We were both left wondering if it was some sort of new tear on my hymen of if something had happened in the back of my vagina.

Help me make sense of some of this please.

This came out like a long explanation but I could do with people answering just the initial question.

And to answer some common questions: yes we are having lots of foreplay and using lots of lube.

Thanks!

Safe sex statistics

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:24:58 -0800

Help me convince my girlfriend that, stastically speaking, a correctly-used condom is an adequate form of birth control! My girlfriend has her doubts about the efficacy of condoms and is very nervous that there is some possibility of pregnancy to the point that after sex she even panics sometimes. She is, however, a logical person and so I think with the right statistic I could convince her. I've looked online for some info but haven't found a easy way to say it. Maybe some statistician or mathematician here has some nice way of putting it that will help improve my sex life and put my gf's mind at ease...

Like, if 200 couples has sex 1000 times, 1 of those women will get pregant.

I assume the above quote is wildely untrue, but for illustrative purposes only...

Or:

you have a greater chance of being struck by lightening twice on the same day that getting pregant during safe sex.

See, some format like this is what I'm looking for... (ideally one that improves, not disrupts my sex life).

Thanks a lot!

How can I have awesome sex?

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:42:45 -0800

[SexFilter] Mindblowing sex. I would like to have some. I'm in a long term committed relationship with someone I really love. The sex is really nice but I feel like it could be more. We do some kinky stuff (mostly light bondage) and I feel like if there are other kinks I was into she'd be GGG. But the big issue is that the sex sometimes just lacks a sort of animal ferocity.

I guess I'm just looking for some good sex hacks. Fundamentals. In the same way that you can either just make scrambled eggs or elevate it to "the perfect omlette", I'm wondering whether there are techniques, methods, supplements, exercises, or tricks to make even the most vanilla missionary position sizzle.

Also, it'd be cool if I could cum every time. These days, 50% of the time we both get worn out before I do. I sometimes get close and then it feels like something inside me "pulls back" and then when I try to push through to it it's gone. If she cums I usually do immediately afterwards but not always.

Also, how exactly does one raise this with a partner without making it feel like I don't like the sex? I like the sex, I just feel like it could be better.

I'm scared

Anonymous — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:30:54 -0800

what are the chances she's pregnant? i had relations with a girl yesterday. we were both bottomless and i rubbed my penis on her vagina. there was minimal insertion, and no pre-ejaculation. however at the end i masturbated onto her leg, and a little bit touched her vagina... right in the opening. I immediately got a dry paper towel and wiped it off until she was dry. on a scale of 1-10, what are the chances she could get pregnant, with 10 being almost certain?

Save my sex life.

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 08:32:49 -0800

Sex is painful. I've been to the doctor, I've done what they told me to do. Sex is still painful. I know you are not a/my doctor, but please try to help me save my sex life. It's a long-ish one inside. Background: I have been sexually active for about ten years. I am STI free. I have never been raped or abused. I have been in a healthy monogamous relationship for about a year and a half and we have been having sex for about a year. He is of average size and his size has never been an issue. We use Astroglide every time we have sex. I am on Nuvaring (have been for about two years) and we do not use condoms.

About two months ago, sex started getting painful. It would hurt upon insertion and then continue to be painful for most of the actual intercourse and then I would be sore for a little while afterward. It wasn't cervix-hitting pain, but rather a pain at the entrance to the vagina that feels similar to tearing or burning, although no tearing actually takes place. It was by no means an intense pain, but definitely enough to affect my enjoyment and to remove my ability to orgasm (which I generally don’t have a problem with).

I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection and bacterial vaginosis, both of which could have been causing the pain. I was treated for both and told to not have sex for the next two weeks and come back for a check-up. (I was also tested for STIs here, so I’m really sure that that’s not the problem.) When I went back in for the check-up, I was told that the medication had done its job, but that I had a second, different kind of bacterial vaginosis that was sometimes seen in women who have been treated for yeast infections. I was given a different medication and told to wait two more weeks before having sex again. My doctor also asked me if I had ever been able to have sex without it hurting, to which I replied with a relatively puzzled ‘yes,’ letting her know that I had been sexually active for years without this problem. She said okay, and gave me some liquid lidocaine to use topically just in case I kept having the problem.

About when we were able to have sex again, my partner got called out of town for business. He got back over the weekend, and we excitedly hopped into bed to have non-painful haven’t-had-sex-in-ages sex. But…it still hurt. The pain is absolutely enough to affect my sex life, and I’m not willing to numb-up my vagina with lidocaine every time I want to be intimate with my partner.

I am going to go back to the doctor, but I’m a bit frustrated with the medical world at the moment and am in search of information or other experiences.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? Any ideas what it could be? Any ideas on what could relieve it other than numbing agents, which are, in my opinion, really not a solution? Really…any thoughts at all?

throw away email: savemysexlife@gmail.com

Sex video from the inside out.

RoseovSharon — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 15:56:07 -0800

Where can I find that BBC real sex video that was linked to from this thread? That video was removed from Google video almost immediatly after someone linked to it from Metafilter. I've done every sort of search imaginable, but I only keep coming up with porn. Anyone know where I can find this video online now?

For those who didn't see it, it's a video of a study done by the BBC where they attached cameras to a couple having sex. The video shows what intercourse looks like from the inside of the vagina as well as from the head of the penis. Fascinating stuff! I want to see it again and share it with others, but can't find it. Any help towards locating it on the web would be much appreciated (as you can see I already asked over on the original post, but no one has replied). Thanks!

How does this sex thing work anyway?

Anonymous — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 20:23:55 -0800

Possibly NSFW question about sex and positioning inside. I'm a heterosexual male and I always got the feeling intercourse was supposed to be easy after the first few times. Although I have been having sex for more than three years and have had four different partners, it's still not easy to achieve penetration in the first place.

Is it possible to do this without someone using their hand to insert? Because that's the only way I've ever managed it. And even then it frequently doesn't work. I just feel like I am positioning myself wrong or something. Before we can figure it out I will lose my erection.

I've experienced mainly the missionary position. It's easier if she holds her legs back. I used to do doggy-style with one partner although that could be pretty challenging. I doubt I would be capable of that position while wearing a condom (which my current partner insists on). No other position I have tried (for example lying sideways, or her on top) has worked satisfactorily with anyone.

The other thing is that when we do missionary it is not in a position where I find it is easy to push it in myself, and my partner has to do it. Again I was somehow under the impression that usually the man does it, so this leads me to believe that we are positioning ourselves incorrectly.

I've been to doctors. So far they have been unconcerned, said my tests and blood pressure are normal and told me that my erection difficulties are psychological, possibly due in part to bad relationships in the past, and a sex education system that scared me away from sex until I was in my mid-20s. Especially since I occasionally am able to have sex (without pharmacological assistance). I am unconvinced that the difficulties are entirely psychological, and also think that technique and experience is a part of it.

One doctor prescribed Cialis as a confidence booster (although he thinks is a psychological problem). It gives us more time to figure out how to do it right which is a good thing I guess. But even with the Cialis it isn't foolproof or easy (although the rate of success is higher). My insurance won't cover it, and I'd rather avoid extra drugs anyway. If this doesn't work he will refer me to psychosexual counseling which sounds humiliating and I'd really rather avoid it.

So what should I do?

If you want to respond confidentially, please write askmetafilter929 at gmail.

When does sex stop being painful (and start being possible)?

Anonymous — Sun, 17 Sep 2006 20:14:24 -0800

Did penetrative sex 'work' for you the first time? If not, how long was it before it did? I'm asking this question so I can put my own (and my girlfriend's) experience into some context. We are both virgins (21 years old) who decided to start having sex a year ago. It simply didn't fit, and since then we've tried everything and it's still not fitting. Currently we can manage 2 fingers with some discomfort.

A friend of mine said that for him and his girlfriend they had the same problem, and it took them 6 months before they could manage penetration. A friend of my girlfriend's decided to have sex for the first time 3-4 months ago and they're still trying to get it to work. Although I can't vouch for them, I'm in a great relationship and with the exception of penetrative sex (we've pretty much come to expect that it's not going to work, although we do keep trying by inserting fingers gradually) we do enjoy a great sex life.

Although any help would be welcome, I'm mostly wanting to hear about other peoples' experiences to better understand mine. We know that what we're experiencing isn't normal, but how far from normal is it?

I understand that this is a personal question that some may not want to reply to publicly. If you want to email me, I'm at mefi.anonymous@gmail.com.

Sexual behaviour stats?

GoodJob! — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:51:01 -0800

Can anyone here point me to a website or know the approx. percentage of couples in North America who regularly use sex toys including vibrators with intercourse? Thanks!

Help with vaginal pain during intercourse?

fizzyliftingdrink — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 13:13:43 -0800

I posted this question a few months ago about pelvic (specifically vaginal) pain during intercourse. It's still happening, and it's starting to have a serious emotional toll on my relationship. Please help! I finally saw a gynecologist. He ran every test under the sun for STDs/infections and, as previously, all tests came back negative. (We did find out, however, that I have a small and apparently benign cyst on my right ovary. We also determined that this is not the source of pain, as the pain in question is located very near the vaginal opening, primarily on the left side. The pain is also NOT related to my cervix.)

Based on the location of the pain, he hypothesized that I might have a slightly infected duct in that area that was causing nerve inflammation and spasm. He put me on a short course of antibiotics a little over a week ago; the pain seemed absent for the first couple of times we had intercourse after that, and then it returned with a vengeance, to the point that I was literally crying from the pain and my bf is becoming afraid to touch me.

Obviously this has become a huge stressor for us, emotionally and physically. I think it's pretty clear that whatever the original/underlying problem is, I've developed a fear/trepidation of being hurt that's now adding to the vicious cycle -- I'm tightening up muscularly "down there," I'm holding my breath, etc., all of which probably makes it that much more likely that I'll feel pain. (And as a really dirty trick, it's now becoming more difficult for me to have an orgasm even when I'm not feeling in pain -- which is disorienting to me, as I've always been pretty darn orgasmic.) If anyone has any suggestions/techniques for how they've dealt with this in their relationships, I'm desperate to hear it. I'm getting so frustrated and scared and depressed about this -- it feels sometimes like this isn't even my own body -- and my boyfriend's being as patient as he can be, but it's taking its toll on him, too.

(Sorry if this is long or rambly or whiney. Thanks for your patience, too!)

Pelvic pain during intercourse?

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 13:19:50 -0800

GirlPartsFilter: pelvic pain during intercourse. I've been having pelvic pain off and on during intercourse for the past couple of months. I saw a doctor last week and was tested for what seemed to be everything under the sun: urinary tract infection, yeast infection, bacterial infection, and every STD they could think of. The nurse called me today and says that every single test came back negative. What now?

Some facts:

1) Pain started mildly and only occasionally, immediately following a yeast infection a few months ago. In the past couple of weeks its gotten to the point where it's so bad/frequent that we'll stop intercourse and move on to something else.
2) Pain is sharp, located vaginally, and happens more at certain angles than at others, and with moderate or deep thrusting. Its sometimes but not always helped by using extra lubricant.
3) I have no other symptoms, except for a white, very thick, odorless discharge that we noticed for the first time last night during intercourse.
4) I'm on the Pill (went on it around the same time as the pain started) and in my 30s. I've been on the Pill before with no ill effects.
5) The relationship is very positive both sexually and emotionally. (He's got a clean bill of health too, btw, no STD's, etc.) We're monogamous and I'm really comfortable with him (physically and emotionally).
6) I have no history of pain during sex with any other partners.

I'm going to try to get into the doctor's again as soon as possible, but in the meantime I'm starting to freak out a little. Is there a test they might have overlooked?