109 posts tagged with insecurity.
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anxiety + sleep loss + self-love/esteem

This will be a long one, so bear with me! I've had self-esteem issues for a while now, around 10+ years. I'm in therapy, I go to Al-Anon, call people in Al-Anon for support and have a decent social network. However, I'm in a healthy relationship that I value a lot and it's brought out a lot of my own personal insecurities as well as a decent amount of nights for the past 4 months of below average sleep. How can I address my anxiety better? Details in main post. [more inside]
posted by isoman2kx on Nov 28, 2016 - 13 answers

Reframing rejection, strategizing recovery and keeping it real

I've taken multiple, significant hits recently in relationships, work and other areas. They are all forms of rejection, which I do not do well with regularly. To have so many land in a relatively brief time span has left me very wounded, betrayed, embarrassed, angry and insecure, with so much of my confidence eroded it's scary at times. [more inside]
posted by I_Love_Bananas on Nov 25, 2016 - 6 answers

Snooping: Where to draw the line with a fiance with trust issues?

I am about to have a serious discussion with my fiance as I have recently discovered that she has been going behind my back to login to my facebook account to monitor my activity. It appears this has been going on since July and there have been multiple logins. Therefore, I would like to ask the internet for advice on how to properly confront this type of behavior. [more inside]
posted by ThomasJefferson on Sep 12, 2016 - 44 answers

What to do about insecure friend

My friend thinks several of our mutual friends hate her. This is not true, but she is convinced that it is. She has taken to lashing out at me if I spend time with any of these people without her. [more inside]
posted by crunchy_cereals on Aug 22, 2016 - 32 answers

How to Talk to Strangers?

I’m terrible at striking up conversation with people that I don’t know. Some of this is my thought patterns and attitudes, some of it is my anxiety, but I’m realizing more and more that I just never quite learned how to properly do it. [more inside]
posted by gregoryg on Jul 31, 2016 - 14 answers

How can I make my dating profile more reflective of who I really am?

I'm getting back into dating but my OKCupid profile belongs to an insecure child. How do I update my profile to reflect the growth I’ve experienced in the last five years? [more inside]
posted by modernserf on Jul 29, 2016 - 10 answers

Confidence issues & Making friends

As long as I can remember, I've always felt unlikeable, insecure and lonely. Even as young as 8 years old and in my home country, I remember feeling like I wasn’t fitting in, peers didn't like me or didn't think I was cool, and constantly feeling hurt by others' words and actions. [more inside]
posted by rhythm_queen on Jun 2, 2016 - 12 answers

Rebuilding trust in my relationship

How can I stop beating myself up for experiencing insecurity? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 9, 2016 - 12 answers

Best relationship hacks for an anxious-preoccupied attachment style?

I am in a relationship that I very much enjoy, with a partner who is supportive and giving but also has external limits on how much attention he can give to the relationship. What are some ideas that have worked for people who have an anxious/preoccupied attachment style, to avoid triggering insecurity? [more inside]
posted by thelastpolarbear on Mar 27, 2016 - 18 answers

Impostor Syndrome: The Job Interview version

I recently got invited to interview for what appears to be a dream job a couple of days after applying. Intellectually, I know that they've seen my resume and liked it enough to invite me in. In my heart, I'm feeling ridiculously intimidated and anxious about it being a job I'm underqualified for. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 22, 2016 - 17 answers

How to be okay with the ex-wife at Christmas (and other family events)

How do you deal with new partners with adult kids - and more importantly, the ex partners! Asking for my MIL (I haven't told her I'm doing this, I just want to be a good DIL and want some good advice to give her - whether she accepts it or not is another matter, that will probably be down to how I present it...) [more inside]
posted by finding.perdita on Dec 26, 2015 - 20 answers

How to deal with insecurity over exes in a new relationship

My new boyfriend's recent ex still contacts him. I don't think there is anything inappropriate going on, but the fact that they still have an emotional connection makes me uneasy. Can you give me a reality check on whether I'm being reasonable, and how to address it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 22, 2015 - 21 answers

How to overcome jealousy/insecurity?

I am 30 years old, just had my first baby 3 months ago and have constantly struggled with jealousy/insecurity... I need to learn how to overcome these things because it is causing severe anxiety and ruining friendships/relationships all round me. What I am asking is for advice on those that have struggled, how to "let go in relationships," and how to learn to trust. The best piece of advice I have heard is that you can't control someone. I have a tendency to want to control outcomes, to avoid a perceived wrong or hurt that I assume will come; I think it comes from an insecurity or feeling "not good enough." I have pushed friends and boyfriends away because I always assume someone is going to hurt me, is out to get me or is "leaving me out." I want to change and be better because it's hurting me and others around me. The outcomes which I seek to avoid I am attracting if that makes sense. [more inside]
posted by MamaBee223 on Nov 13, 2015 - 10 answers

setting the bar too high, maybe

Considering what I've done with my life, are my career ambitions too high? [more inside]
posted by quadrant seasons on Aug 29, 2015 - 12 answers

How to deal with feeling suddenly paranoid towards loved one?

Turning into this guys wife. Married a year and a half. Been together for a total of 3 yrs. Prior to around a month ago I had no insecurity issues or paranoia towards my husband. This is the best relationship that I’ve ever been in and I feel so lucky to have met him. [more inside]
posted by puppup on Aug 5, 2015 - 13 answers

Embarrassing parents – encouragement please!

My parents are kind of difficult, and haven't been great parents to me. I find them embarrassing in some ways ( I feel terrible saying that but it’s true). How to navigate feeling insecure about them in front of my boyfriend, and the temptation to act insecure and pissy and create issues in my current relationship because of this? Would be great to hear reassurance from people who've gotten over their partner's difficult or embarrassing parents and loved them anyway, or from those who have difficult parents but haven't let it affect their wonderful relationship. Complicated by other issues (mostly cancer-related) – more inside! [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Aug 3, 2015 - 19 answers

More self-confidence for approaching games and puzzles

I've reached the proverbial straw moment where I'm realizing that, approaching any sort of numbers/critical thinking game or challenge that is meant to be fun, is instead filling me with absolute dread. I find myself becoming incredibly tense and anxious, and very often preemptively angry at myself for OF COURSE being too stupid to pick it up, which means that often I don't even try to pick it up, which then becomes an inescapable feedback loop. I need to change this, please tell me how! [more inside]
posted by erratic meatsack on Jul 2, 2015 - 8 answers

How can I feel comfortable with my psychiatrist again?

My psychiatrist lost his temper with me on the phone yesterday and said a lot of hurtful things. I must have deserved them, but I feel terrible. I have an appointment with him tomorrow (7/2) at 8am EST I need help figuring out how to keep my cool and understand how to be both a better patient and a better person. I apologize in advance for how incredibly long this is, and thanks in advance for those of you who read it. [more inside]
posted by timory on Jul 1, 2015 - 55 answers

Worries about our relationship in face of shitty cancer diagnosis

Please help me sort out my feelings about my relationship with my boyfriend, my relationship with his cancer, and how the two might be interplaying. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Jun 29, 2015 - 17 answers

Strategies to overcome insecurity/jealousy of husband's female friend?

In the past several months, my husband has become close with one of my female friends, and they have started spending a lot of time together and texting each other almost daily. I'm uncomfortable with this, but I know this is my own issue to overcome because I trust them both and am 100% confident nothing questionable is happening between them. [more inside]
posted by Librarypt on Apr 21, 2015 - 95 answers

Same-field-friends, sensitive to each other's success or lack thereof...

Today I had to take a "break" from a long-time friendship because my friend's announcements (directly to me) of her career successes has been making me feel pretty bad about myself. I feel like I did the best thing for now, but would like other people's opinion on my situation. [more inside]
posted by Sa Dec on Apr 15, 2015 - 29 answers

"He's not my son... he's my husband"

My wife and I recently had a baby. Yesterday, a stranger mistook her for my mother. Now she's really bummed out. Can you share some advice on actions I can take to help lift her spirits up? [more inside]
posted by papafrita on Mar 22, 2015 - 41 answers

Reasonable Text Reposnse Time In Early Stage Dating

Assume you've recently started seeing someone, and it's been going well. If A texts B a day or two later with a proposal for the next date, what is a reasonable amount of time for B to respond? And more importantly, if a day or two goes by without response, what is the correct protocol? [more inside]
posted by maggiepolitt on Feb 22, 2015 - 25 answers

How do I get myself out of this rut?

I’m in a rut. I focus so hard on what I dislike about myself and my situation that I can’t motivate myself to get out of it. How do I stop dwelling on these things? How do I start? Lots of self-centered complaints inside. [more inside]
posted by The Man Who Wore the Sock on Feb 13, 2015 - 23 answers

Reason to feel insecure or am I just being borderline insane?!

Argh, so here goes, my first MetFilter question. I'd love some perspective here on whether I have a reason to be as worried as I am or whether, in fact, I'm overreacting - and any tips of ways to cope and not act out self-destructively would be very good. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Oct 30, 2014 - 31 answers

How to get over insecurities?

My anxieties and insecurities are messing with my relationship. How can I overcome them? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 7, 2014 - 8 answers

How to work under an insecure boss?

I'm struggling with a social / political issue at work. I have been in my current job for about a year. I am a little overqualified for the position, but I really like most aspects of it and it's a small enough field that other similar jobs are hard to come by, so I'd vastly prefer it if the solution doesn't involve quitting. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 19, 2014 - 10 answers

How can you recognize a secure person if you’re insecure?

Am I ruining a great relationship with my anxiety or am I anxious because my relationship is not great? Is there a way to tell the difference between irrational anxiety and alarm bells? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2014 - 9 answers

I will go down with this ship

How does an insecure person become a good manager? Is it possible? - [more inside]
posted by themaskedwonder on May 28, 2014 - 15 answers

How to stop having crushes and/or stop feeling bad about them

Single woman in her late 20's here. I am in the habit of getting a crush on a new person 3-4 times a year, or basically every time I venture out into a new environment (new job, new activity, etc). When I'm not crushing on anyone or dating someone, I feel content with being single. (Actually when I am done dating someone it is a relief to be single!) I know getting crushes is normal. But they usually just make me feel bad. [more inside]
posted by picardythird on May 12, 2014 - 12 answers

Help me break this self-destructive cycle of insecurity and clinginess

I am a very insecure person (who is working on it, in therapy/in recovery/rocking it). I get in these head spaces where I feel crippling insecure, especially with my boyfriend. I want verbal validation from him, but my asking for it makes him feel pressured. When he feels pressured, he gets distant, and then I feel even more insecure. We both know this is happening. What tricks can we use to make it stop before it gets out of hand? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 7, 2014 - 12 answers

What is it that people want when they give you the silent treatment?

I am currently getting the silent treatment from a friend/my roommate. I know that I offended her, and I have apologized, but she still just sort of glances at me when I come in a room and then goes back to doing whatever she was doing before. I have never encountered this kind of behavior from anyone before, and I am not sure how to respond, or if I should respond. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 1, 2014 - 39 answers

Anxious jealous insecure EEEEEEEJASFADF​JKLSAJKFLSDJ!!

What are some things I can do to 'work on' my anxiety? [more inside]
posted by dinosaurprincess on Apr 14, 2014 - 20 answers

Von Neumann I am not

I’ve spent my 20s building a BS “identity” as an “analytical type of person". Help me grow up. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 29, 2014 - 10 answers

I feel unable to participate in a normal, healthy dating relationship.

I am 34 years old, and for the first time in my life, I am embarking on a 'normal' relationship. My insecurities are causing me extreme anxiety, and I'd like your stories and insight and tips on what I might be being realistic about, and what I'm not. Apologies for a long explanation inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 11, 2014 - 30 answers

Insecurity over partner's ex-boyfriend who dumped her

I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year, and we are really in love. A few months into the relationship I discovered some diaries etc of her, which I know I should never have read, but did. I discovered how obsessed she was for years about an ex that dumped her and who she idealised, and now I really need some help to get out of this rut of insecurity and jealousy which I have created for myself. [more inside]
posted by lichen on Mar 6, 2014 - 32 answers

Hey look at me!

I am fascinated and more then a little curious about self-promotion. Not the kind that you use to get hired or promote a new project or in a professional way, more of the spectacular kind of like the Xmas letter variety where everyone and all is so super great, but not just limited to that. [more inside]
posted by lasamana on Jan 4, 2014 - 27 answers

What are good fashion choices for an overweight male?

I am a 29-year old, 230 lb male, living just outside of Toronto. I would really like to update my wardrobe but feel completely lost. I have tried looking up various stores and so on to see if any of their product catches my imagination, but it mostly seems tailored toward people who are in excellent shape, and I am tired of putting off looking good until I lose weight. [more inside]
posted by jamincan on Dec 1, 2013 - 13 answers

I never want to cry about my body again.

I'm 21, got both legs and arms, a working brain, am decently attractive and completely healthy. I have periodic crashes where I whole-heartedly despise certain parts of my body and fall into deep despair. What can I do to help avoid these crashes? I am seeing a counselor and she's been helpful in that regard. I ask: other than therapy, when did YOU stop giving a crap about your bodily imperfections? And what's helpful to you when you do start needlessly worrying? [more inside]
posted by rhythm_queen on Nov 30, 2013 - 50 answers

The ethics/practicalities of an older woman dating a younger male virgin

[This post contains somewhat graphic descriptions of our intimate experiences and sexual topics generally, so if you are sensitive or perhaps at work it is good to know that.] I am in my early 30s and my new boyfriend is in his mid 20s. I am the first woman he has ever dated, the third he has ever kissed and if we progress in the relationship I will be the first he has ever had sex with. He is a phenomenal human being and I can hardly believe how lucky I am to know him let alone get the chance to have a relationship with him. I am worried about a few things, however and want to weigh them carefully before proceeding any further. [more inside]
posted by telomere on Sep 16, 2013 - 36 answers

Someone I love has intense insecurity issues - how can I help them?

I ended my LTR a few weeks ago, but can't shake the feeling that I'm abandoning someone in their hour of need, so to speak. My ex was a delightful person, but suffered from the most bizarre and extreme inferiority complex I have ever witnessed. (It was so bad at times that he would sometimes escape from parties by exiting through a window in a back room somewhere.) It got to the point where his behavior was starting to wear me down, and things unraveled from there, but it tears me up to think that he'll no longer have someone to help him stave off his self-loathing tendencies. [more inside]
posted by Teradactyl on Aug 27, 2013 - 29 answers

Did I fuck up? How shall I do it differently next time?

I'm in the post break-up re-evaluation phase ('bargaining' phase in the grieving process?). I veer between feeling I tried my best while also holding onto ways I could have done things differently while dealing with our core problem to feeling that I fucked up majorly and just lost a potentially fantastic life-partner. While par for course this state of affairs is I believe, this is really eating me and I would be grateful for some perspective. [more inside]
posted by drummergirl80 on Aug 12, 2013 - 17 answers

Current boyfriend has lots of female friends...and I'm bothered...

Have you ever dated someone with several friends of the opposite sex? What about someone who is friends with many of their exes and still keeps up regular contact with them? He's given me no reason not to trust him, but I'm still hung up on this. Is it just a matter of me working on my insecurity? Or should he be changing his behavior? More details inside... [more inside]
posted by singinginmychains on Jun 11, 2013 - 57 answers

"Validate meeee"

How to be a better friend to a very insecure person. [more inside]
posted by sockandawe on Mar 26, 2013 - 18 answers

Is there a way I can nip my depressive moods in the bud?

I have major depression, and I am receiving treatment. However, I am still not master of my own mood, and now I would like some specific tips, pointers and ideas on how to stop myself from harassing my poor husband about imaginary problems. [more inside]
posted by ADent on Mar 8, 2013 - 15 answers

I want to bring something interesting/attractive/appealing to the table

Help me process my post-foursome thoughts about being less interesting or sexy than the other participants. [more inside]
posted by A Special Kind of Weird on Feb 19, 2013 - 24 answers

Am I a bad person trying to control my partner?

Am I a terrible person? My partner and I have been dating for 3.5 years, living together for one. In that time, he's cut off contact with two of his friends who were also significant exes. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 6, 2013 - 38 answers

I have two questions related to my mental health.

I'm 24, and I live in the suburbs a half-hour north of Boston. I'm about to get health insurance that includes mental care. I don't know how the private healthcare system works. How should I get a mental-health diagnosis? What doctors and therapists in the area could help me with whatever problems I may have? Details inside. [more inside]
posted by Rustic Etruscan on Feb 1, 2013 - 8 answers

TIRED of being a virgin!

I'm a 20 year old girl, and I've never been in a relationship. I feel weird about that. Where do I meet guys, apart from school, and how do I get more confidence? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 17, 2013 - 19 answers

I like to draw. I fear I suck. Thus, paralyzed.

Creative wibble: Feel like I could do some cool stuff but crippled by insecurity and thus don't sit down and DO IT. Hope me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 26, 2012 - 14 answers

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