Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with illness

I love you so much, and I want to never have your baby.

Anonymous — Fri, 10 May 2013 14:32:54 -0800

My boyfriend and I haven't been together for a very long time, but it has already started to feel very serious and I see the potential for a longterm future together. We are both extremely close with our families and I know that family life and children are a huge priority for both of us. We're on the same page there. However... By extraordinary coincidence we both suffer from the same rare, semi-inheritable disease. It isn't a simple genetic disorder that you can map out with a Punnett square -- latest research say it's partly genetic, partly environmental, but empirical evidence suggests children born to two parents with this disease have about a 50% risk of developing it themselves. The rate of incidence for this disease in the general public is about 0.2%.

Even before I met this man I was very much on the fence about having biological children. First of all because I am chronically ill, so a pregnancy would be high risk and difficult for me, but more importantly because of my fear of passing on this illness to a child (the risk for the child of me and a healthy partner would be about 10%). Now that it seems that my longterm partner may be this man, and therefore our children would have a 5X greater risk of developing the disease, I feel less ambivalent and more firmly in the "I will not have a baby" camp. I know that life has unexpected twists and turns and you can never guarantee a child's health, but knowingly setting someone up with a risk factor 250X higher than the average Joe for a painful and difficult illness seems cruel.

Obviously as someone who has always wanted children and who prioritizes family so highly, this is a painful and personal issue for me, in a way like learning I am infertile. I am not sure when is the right time to bring it up. On one hand, although the relationship feels like it has a lot of potential, it is still relatively early, too soon to spill my deepest and darkest (and I would consider this very deep and dark). On the other, it feels disingenuous for me to present myself as this woman who wants to be a mother and have a family (which I do, I do!) when I know in the back of my mind that I can't or won't give this man biological children. To be clear, I am 100% totally on board with building a family through adoption or fostering.

So, my question is two fold: 1. When and how would it be best to discuss this? If you were my boyfriend, how would you want to hear about it? and 2. Am I missing an angle here? Have you been in this or a similar situation yourself? When I look at the numbers I feel like it shouldn't even be an option, that knowing the 50% risk it's very clear that it would be wrong to have biological children, but maybe I'm missing something -- though that's wishful thinking, for sure.

Pre-marriage counseling is fine. But how committed is he?

kinetic — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 05:25:32 -0800

It's been a few months after my fiance proposed and he made plans to move in with me and my 15-year-old son this summer. As predicted, my son began acting up, basically in the form of talking back and being a little rude to me in front of the fiance, who comes here every weekend. It's important to note my son does not act this way when it's the 2 of us and I completely understand what's going on and we're talking to someone. 3 weeks ago I had successful surgery. My fiance was here for a few weeks and was pretty helpful, but while he was here my son was less pleasant to me than usual. Both my fiance and I expected that he'd be anxious and act up, and he did.

Since the surgery, my fiance has expressed how deeply uncomfortable he now is with the idea of moving in with us (and getting married) because of how obnoxious my kid was.

I work with teens and it may sound like I'm in denial, but my kid wasn't really all that bad overall. Over the course of several weeks, the worst of it was: instead of doing chores immediately, he'd yell, "I will later!" and once he was playing X-Box Live with his friends and I was trying to nap but he was screaming into his headset and I told him to quiet down and he yelled (this is the first and only time he's ever done anything like this), "You're such a fucking bitch!" So I took away the headset and the X-Box.

In other words, it was a damned stressful time. But it appears to have given my fiance pause about moving in. So there's an element that actually, my fiance may not really get/want to live with a teenage boy.

Which would be enough, but...

Unfortunately and unexpectedly, my pathology reports diagnosed something more serious for which I am now undergoing treatment.

So I'm a little overwhelmed right now and I went to see a therapist who specializes in dealing with chronic (or sudden and serious) illness. One of the first things that came up was the question of how strong a support system I felt I had in place and I obviously thought about my fiance and his ability to help me and not get so freaked out about my kid acting up.

Cutting to the chase, I talked with my fiance about our recent stressful time, and asked him if, moving forward, I can count on him as a major support (for the next few months of treatment and y'know, forever).

He suggested family therapy before he moves in. I agree. Great idea.

So basically, I just ask this, "Are we beginning family therapy because we're both committed to our relationship and we're both in this for the long haul and love each other enough to know we're staying together? That this is a rough spot...we need some guidance...but we're going to get married?"

His response was yes he wants to work on this but no, can't promise staying together anymore because who knows what's going to happen? And the thing is...I kind of get it. I mean, I wish it was puppies and rainbows but I get that this was very stressful. I also get that this was very hard for all of us and that maybe he saw a living situation he didn't like. I also get that we're getting help for it.

But I also think...until several days ago, we were going to spend our lives together. Now I have an unfortunately illness and a few months of unpleasant treatment. Now there's a (somewhat anticipated) glitch within the family dynamic. We're working on the glitch together and I had assumed we were staying together.

So my question (and I'm reaching out for help here because I'm pretty messed up with my diagnosis and my medication and everyone here has always helped) is: what the hell, AskMeFi?

Is it worth getting family counseling if I sense he's got a foot out the door? Does he have a foot out the door? What am I not getting here (and I ask in all seriousness because I'm exhausted and I cannot for the life of me get my head around this right now).

Could my ADHD diagnosis be wrong? Or be expanded?

ahtlast93 — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 14:32:04 -0800

Hi. I'll try and cut a long story short, about 6 month ago I've been diagnosed with ADHD and now I'm doubting my diagnosis. (more down there, all sappy again) First I was given Ritalin, which was ok, but would suddenly get to something I can only describe as "too much" after around 4 days, and have since been using dexedrine (I'd say I'm using it for around 3 weeks in total, with gaps in between). The dexedrine has been better, "milder" (as my psychiatrist would say) and is easier to manage (I have to use IR, since my insurance doesn't cover ER, managing 4 doses of Ritalin a day was a bit a crazy).

However, I still have a feeling though that not much has changed. When on the meds, my house is generally cleaner and a bit more consequent, but I have a feeling my work (a creative discipline) hasn't improved in any way, maybe even suffered as I get a feeling that the meds kill my intuition in a way.

I think that, at the time when I contacted the centre/clinic I'm going to I self diagnosed with ADHD to begin with, and easily fulfilled all the criteria, but one question that still bugs me, which they asked as soon as we sat down was "Why did you come here? What is your goal with us?", at which I hesitated and eventually kind of wiggled my way out if with some answer I thought they might like to hear like "Get more consistent, more steady in my work bla bla"

Recently I've been thinking an answer to that is something really simple like, "Get happier", which now I definitely am not (nor was before).

I do talk to a psychotherapist as part of the treatment, but in general I present myself as quite functional when I get there, and I have a feeling he doesn't know how I operate when not on that chair facing him. He suggested and thought me stuff like mindfullness, planning and organization, all of which I got very enthusiastic about and then dropped it a few days later. This is my fault of course, but I think I have a hard time responding to any questions regarding emotional states, so it's mostly "Yeah, ok" or "Yeah, really good".

So I'm wondering if I have depression, or whatever else, because I'm getting worried and feel like I'm jeopardizing my studies, which are really a great opportunity, that now feel like I'm throwing away. I feel like I lack motivation, I'm indecisive and can't determine what I'm interested in. I'm honestly not productive, altough I do get moments where I produce a lot in a short period, but this is hardly on a regular basis. I have no things I fall back to, and nothing specific provides me pleasure anymore. I get jealous at others' successes, and have a hard time processing positive feedback towards my work. I haven't cried in about 4 years, which really worries me, even though I rationally think I should be really saddened by some things, but I feel blunt. This has been going on for a while though, and I couldn't describe it as being "sad", hence my confusion if depression is a possibility....

I'll mention this stuff to my psychotherapist next time, although I feel awkward about it, since we haven't really talked about things in that way so far (we only had a few sessions).

Anyway, not sure what I'm asking here, I guess it would just be good to hear from someone with a similar experience?

Barfing WTH!?

silly me — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 17:38:31 -0800

For the second time in less than a month I've had to go home sick from work because I was barfing uncontrollably--and then felt fine enough by evening to go for a run and eat a normal dinner. Is it something I ate? Food poisoning or allergy? The flu? WTH!? (Gross descriptions lurk within.) The first incident came on last month, about two hours after I'd eaten a lunch of canned tuna, bbq sauce, and a large fruit cup. I felt fine, even energetic after my meal, until about an hour later when I felt gurpy, and then HELLO. I barely made it home in time to get to the bathroom. Felt wobbly for a short while afterwards and loafed around...but by the evening (approximately four hours after the onset of the gurps) I was totally fine.

Today I had an egg and some parm for breakfast, a lunch of more parm and a banana/peanut butter smoothie plus two teaspoons of Carlson's calamari oil (the "sustainable" alternative to fish oil). I don't think the oil agrees with me per se, but have been taking it almost daily with no side effects other than brief, mild nausea. Less than an hour later I arrive at work and have half of a homemade cracker from a tray brought in by a coworker. I wasn't even finished chewing when that same feeling of dire nausea I'd felt the month before came over me. Sure enough, within ten minutes I was in the staff bathroom tossing my cookies, and then, ugh, got sick all over myself while driving home. I felt awful for about an hour after I got home, and slept for much of it. But now it's been about eight hours since the start of this mess and I feel totally fine. I even got hungry and ate spicy tomato soup for dinner with no gastrointestinal side effects whatsoever.

So, what is going on? Does anything in my menu sound like it might be the cause of a common food allergy? Does food poisoning come and go this quickly? Is there a flu bug that does this? I'm trying to think through today's menu to figure out what could have caused such a violent reaction. I don't want to miss any more work (plus the barfing really sucks)!

Advice for adult children of mentally-not-all-there parents?

Anonymous — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 07:00:26 -0800

How do balance respecting a parent's age and experience and treating them well when they aren't acting their age? Sorry for the length. I am not sure how to make it shorter. My mom, who is 10 years a widow, is only in her late 60s but is already getting pretty fragile. She is under a doctor's regular care (multiple doctors, even!). Dealing with her is getting very hard.

Her decision making is terrible because of a brain condition that waxes and wanes, but which is getting worse. She knows this and is embarrassed about it but won't, to my knowledge, make any concessions for it, like checking with other people around big decisions. Often she acts very childish. She can't seem to figure out cause and effect, and she can't seem to process emotional things at all- she's just perpetually sulky because things aren't going her way. She's always been prone to thinking of herself as a victim, but this is on another plane entirely.

An example of her financial decisions: she hired a gardener instead of fixing her falling-to-pieces roof, because a TV show said that having a nice garden would improve the selling price of her house. She's also decided that she can't afford to live in her current house (I don't disagree) which is too big for her and is possibly worth very slightly more than her mortgage on it, so she's going to put it on the market in 3 months, but she has no idea how she will move her things, which are many, or where she will go. She will not plan for the move or talk about where she'll live next because it's too overwhelming to figure out. When my husband and I have offered to clear out the garbage from the backyard, she refuses, but then hires someone she can't afford "because no one will help her." She won't ask for help and she won't hire help except for physical labor. (This isn't new behavior, but the repercussions are getting worse.) She and I have rarely agreed on money issues, and over the years we've agreed to just not discuss it. She lives on disability.

My sibling and I survived a verbally & physically abusive childhood, and both of our parents have a lot of baggage around their own, much worse parents, plus alcohol and drug addiction and some bipolar (dad) and depression (mom) issues. I am in Al-anon and I have a blessedly-low-cost therapist as money allows, usually every couple of weeks.

Our worldviews have rarely meshed gracefully; subsequently my relationship with mom throughout my adult life has mostly been polite small talk, and it's worked decently. However, over the last 5 years or so, she's started saying meaner and meaner things, and then later denies ever saying any such thing, and I think she actually believes that she didn't say it. This doesn't usually happen in person, only on the phone. She also has taken to denying big experiences of my and my sibling's childhood, which my sibling and I have mostly ignored. This happens in person and on the phone. (Mom brings it up, not us. My sibling and I figured out decades ago that no good would come of bringing up anything about our childhood.)

As Mom's health declines, she's getting injured more often, mostly through falls, partly due to her brain condition affecting her balance, and subsequently we're spending a lot more time together. Often she doesn't tell me because she's angry that I'm not at her beck and call as often as I was before I got married, but eventually she'll need a ride somewhere, and I'm it, because no one else lives nearby. I also get occasional lectures from my dad about why I'm neglecting my mother, who will be dead soon! (My sibling and I have been hearing about her near death for 25 years, and in the meantime, many of the seemingly-healthy rest of our family have died of various things, mostly cancer.)

So all that said... I need help figuring out what my role here is. On the one hand, when she's acting like a 5 year old, I can't exactly send her to her room. I don't want to disempower her. I would LIKE to be kind and loving because she's obviously distressed and terrified, and she acts like a freaked out 5 year old, which is so sad!

However, I also don't know how to let her abusive comments roll off my back. Even when I manage it at the moment, they show up in my brain at 2am and I get hurt and angry. There is no good news that she can't undermine. There is no nice thing that doesn't portend something terrible, but we're all too stupid or naive to see it. (What a depressing, awful way to see the world!) Intellectually I know she can't help herself, but emotionally, she can really push those buttons. I also feel like if she's THIS mad at me, then I must be doing SOMETHING wrong, even if it's not the thing she says it is.

If she were a stranger, I feel like I could be endlessly patient and loving, but I am having a hell of a time doing it for my mom. Added to that are all the (well-meaning?) people I know who have lost their mother and who feel compelled to tell me how they wish they could talk to their mom just one more time, and how I should feel lucky to still have her. I do not feel lucky. I feel like if she died, I might actually begin to remember the good things about her, which I'm having a hard time doing right now.

Our family has never had dementia in it before, but so many families have that I figure people must have figured out some tricks to getting through it more gracefully than I seem to be doing.

So I guess I have a whole cluster of questions:

How do you let mean comments not affect you?

If they doesn't want you there, but no one else is nearby, what are your responsibilities?

and the biggest:

How do you balance the diminished parent you have now with the capable adult they used to be? How do you respect them as an adult while recognizing they don't really have adult capabilities anymore?

Disclose health status?

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 18:28:09 -0800

Should I disclose my illness? I'm a junior tenure track professor. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease this year. Lots of fatigue, foggy spells, etc.
I also just got the worst teaching evals of my career. This is being escalated to the Dean level.
I attribute some if not most of this to the fatigue. I'm barely making it through some classes when I'm in a spell.

I don't want to disclose my illness because I think they'll hold it against me - not formally but subconsciously. And I don't want to use it as an excuse.
Also my disease is one of those for which there is little treatment and it will probably get worse as time goes on. Since it isn't going away, disclosing might send a message that this is how I always am.

Am I being ridiculous not disclosing?

Family Drama -- Aunt revisited

Lescha — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:19:04 -0800

I wrote this question about my Aunt. As it turned out, I just wrote back a very polite reply -- "thank you for your good wishes" ...I was polite. I felt good about this. Thank you for all the helpful answers. My Aunt wrote me again -- long story inside. Thank you for taking the time to read it. My Aunt wrote me again -- she has sent me another email telling an elderly family member has died. She said she "was sure I would want to know" and included all the service details -- date, time, location etc. I have not seen that other relative in over a decade (nor any of my relatives on that side for that matter). I sent very nice flowers to the funeral home.

I don't want to go to the service, it would make me feel very uncomfortable. Just thinking about going puts makes me upset. And, I feel it would make the others feel very uncomfortable too, given the fact my father disowned me. He will be there. I can’t even imagine what his response to me would be. I fully admit that I am afraid to find out.

My relatives know we don't speak, but I don’t know if they have any idea why – I doubt it. I doubt my Aunt has told anyone.

I think if I go, there will be family drama and this would take away from the family's mourning. I don't want that. My presence -- I am sure -- will be a distraction to the mourners. Also, I know my family -- they will be questions about what's going on: yes, even at a funeral. They will also notice -- what I can only imagine would be – very bad vibes between my father and me.

I don’t want to get into why my Father wants nothing to do with me at a funeral. Secondly seeing my father will be very difficult for me, given he wants nothing to do with me.

My father did not tell me about this death himself. He knows how to reach me, as does his wife. If he wanted me to know he could have told me himself. The same way he could have told me he was very ill.

So getting back to my Aunt – she says she told me about this death because she “was sure I would want to know"… I think this is what I am peeved about. I would want to know this and not about my father’s illness? (She does not know I know about the illness.)

Really I am in a bit of a state and I am not totally sure why my feelings are. I plan to talk to my therapist about this when I have my next appointment. But I am hoping for some feedback now from people who can look at this without my baggage.

It boils down to this:

"tl;dr" (an attempt at)

My Aunt did not tell me Father had very serious surgery (a life or death matter) and yet she tells me news of another relative’s death because she “was sure I would want to know"…

In both cases, my father did not elect to tell me about these things himself. In both cases, it is quite clear to me that my father does not wish me involved.

I know my Aunt perhaps did not tell me because my father didn’t want me to know. Yet, she tells me the news of this death. I know she may be in a hard place. But the fact is she is choosing what to tell and not tell me. It feels manipulative. And also, I think it’ odd that she’d expect me to go to a funeral where my father will be. Drama is inevitable.

I (think I) want to tell my Aunt (not now – the timing is bad, but later) that I don’t feel I can go to any family events given the situation with father and I hope she understands it is he whose had made this choice, not me.

If he wants me back in the family, then he (and only he) should let me know directly. If he does not, I accept his decisions, but this means sadly that being disowned makes unable to attend family functions where I feel I would not be welcome by father.

I also want to mention the fact I know about his very serious illness and surgery and that he did not want me know about it. This makes me feel certain that he still wishes to have no contact obviously.

But saying that strikes me as fueling the fire and being very manipulative myself. So I am thinking not to go there...

Or – should I leave it alone and say nothing to my Aunt? She will see I am not at the funeral and she (and all the others) will see that I sent flowers.

They will probably think I am being disrespectful by not coming and they may wonder what is going on (since I doubt my Aunt has told the others what the situation is) but that is not my issue.

Sorry for the jumbled narrative. I am leaning towards (after all this typing) saying nothing to my Aunt seeing what happens. Should I say nothing?

Why is my body mad at me?

fight or flight — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 00:23:54 -0800

Last night I had an episode of intense tremors and nausea shortly (< 2 hours) after eating. This morning I feel fine. What gives? I had a pretty normal day yesterday - woke up, went to work, came home. I ate three square meals and haven't had any problems sleeping or staying awake. I'm female and in my early 20's, if that matters.

I came home from work yesterday and fixed myself dinner of filled cheese pasta with basil pesto. Nothing unusual there, I've been eating it for months without issue. About two hours after eating I started feeling shaky, muscles jumping and twitching, which gradually got worse to the point that I couldn't type a sentence without missing half the keys because my hands were shaking so bad. As the tremors got worse I was hit with a feeling of nausea and figured I was coming down with a virus - previous bouts of nor I have started the exact sane way - so I quarantined myself in the bathroom to wait out the inevitable. As it turned out, though, all my body wanted to do was dry heave a bunch and eventually throw up hardly anything. I went back to bed and promptly fell asleep curled around a bucket. Now, after about 8 or 9 hours solid sleep, I feel fine, albeit a little sore and hungry.

So my question is this: YANMD etc etc but does this sound like a virus or just bad food mojo? I wouldn't be worried normally - everyone gets the odd tummy ache - but the intensity of the trembling I experienced has me a little worried that something is going on. Google suggests everything from a bug to hyperthyroidism (which could actually be a possibility - my mother has also had lots of issues with her thyroid). Do I go to the doctor with this? Or just keep an eye on it? Your advice greatly appreciated, Mefites!

How can you learn to live well with chronic illness?

raintree — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 16:06:30 -0800

I have thyroid disease (hypothyroidism) and have been struggling for weeks as my body adjusts to a new medication. How can I keep my spirits up? Truth be told, there are many people with far more debilitating chronic illnesses than I do. I've been lucky in my ways. My medication was working as planned and I felt very "normal" despite my diagnosis, until an infection (and subsequent antibiotic) threw my levels all out of whack. I've been struggling with adjusting to a new medication. For 3 weeks it's been the same, or more of the same: the dizziness, the brain fog, the heart palpitations, the extreme muscle weakness. I'm only 23 years old, but I feel like life has completely zapped that impermeable paragon of strength you feel as a young person. I want to feel like 'me' again. It's a struggle to keep my spirits up, or to get enough energy to do my university work. Is there anyone else on here with a chronic illness? How do you enjoy life, and not get bogged down by what you're suffering from?

How can I deal with this "time off" in my life?

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 08:06:50 -0800

Depression has upended my life and the people trying to help aren't really helping, what do I do? After an incredibly rough year of my entire life and mental health falling apart, I quit my job and am moving back in with my family for a month or two while I complete an intensive partial inpatient therapy program for what has become life-threatening depression and anxiety. Hopefully after this I'll be able to move back into my apartment in another city, find a new job, and get on with things. But if I hear another person reassure me with the fact that it only took them three or four years to get back on their feet I might actually just give up. (The well-meaning "Oh, you're so strong!" comfort isn't helping much either.) Being idle is already making me stagnate after not even a week. As difficult to impossible as it is to motivate myself to do things, I really need to do things. I guess my question is two-fold:

1. What are some things I can do to make this month or two or three not as horrible as it might be? My relationship with my parents is pretty strained because of previous abuse - our relationship is better than it was, but living in this house isn't the best for me. I'm in a small suburban area 20 minutes outside of a city, with easy train access. I don't drive. I'm unsurprisingly pretty bad at self-care stuff.

2. I feel like I haven't heard from anyone who has gone through this sort of thing and emerged a healthy person with a life they enjoy in less than a very, very long time. It would help a lot to. I'm not imagining I'll be Better when this is over by any means, I'm aware I have a chronic condition, and it has taken me a very long time to even get to this point...but sometimes it feels like the majority of people I know who have dealt/are dealing with mental illness are totally miserable or only just coming out of total misery, or have sort of faded away. I need to know, I guess, that there is hope for something other than that. CBT/DBT isn't supposed to last for YEARS, right?

Throwaway email: mefisock@gmail.com Anyway, thank you!

Why do I still feel like crap 2 weeks later?

jrchaplin — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 19:31:10 -0800

A little over two weeks ago, I came down with what I suspect was norovirus. While the nausea and worst of it is long past, I still feel crappy. Some icky details inside. The bout lasted the typical 24 hours with about 3 days recovery. The first 24 hours were marked by several rounds of projectile vomiting, fever, chills and the inability to keep even water down. The next 3 days were simply recovery ... lots of sleeping, gradually moving from broth and applesauce to more substantial, if bland foods.

Here it is 17 days later, and I still feel do not feel anywhere near 100 percent. Symptoms include multiple body aches and low-grade headache which no amount of ibubrofen helps, on and off ringing in the ears, and, worst of all, general exhaustion. I'm sleeping about 9 to 10 hours a night (I usually get by on 7) and, this past weekend, napped for 3 hours each afternoon (as I did the previous weekend). There have been at least 3 nights where it was closer to 12 hours. I've also found that twice in the past week, I've had low-grade fevers (100.2 to 100.8) which last a couple of hours at night and are gone the next morning.

I'm not having any gastric issues other than some slight constipation; and that my stool is a very pale color.

I've had the flu/stomach bugs many times in the past and don't remember this post/recovery period being this long. I know YANMD, but it this normal?

I am seeing my GP, but the earliest I can get in to see him is a week from today. Have mostly felt this is not worth an ER visit, but over the weekend, I seriously considered it.

Help me sort out what I should say to my aunt -- family drama.

Lescha — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 19:35:29 -0800

Background: When my father learned I was gay, he disowned me. Think radical old-world "you are dead to me." This was many years ago -- well over a decade. He was very serious and cut off all contact with me. Made it clear I was out of the will and all of that -- very dramatic. I did try to initiate contact a few times many years ago, but was rebuffed. This is not what my question is about though -- I am at peace with this. I know I am a worthwhile and lovable person and I have many people in my life who care about me/love me. I had therapy when all this happened and I really feel I dealt with the emotions then. I know I am lovable and valuable person. Also, my relatives on my late Mother's side -- who are also quite old-world -- surprised me with their acceptance... My question is about my aunt -- my father's sister. She was not exactly super warm when she found out I was gay -- "I love you anyway" type thing. She lives very far away -- many hours by plane -- and so we used to email once in while -- pleasantries and such. But for a long time she did not know I was gay. We just emailed Christmas wishes and that type of thing. After the situation with my father, I decided not to continue to tell that side of the family. And since this aunt lived very far away it never really came up in our once in a while emails.

How she found out I was gay: about five years ago, she -- in a nutshell -- emailed me and chastised me for not talking to my father. (It was quite sudden, I assumed she knew we were not talking.) She said I should forgive him -- he's my father and so on. What? Forgive him? Well, my father told her I was not talking to him (and not vice versa) because I was angry that he remarried etc. - I was not/am not. He lied saying it was my doing that we were estranged. He would not tell anyone I am gay I guess...the "shame" of it. Indeed I was very, very nice to his wife when we met -- before the disowning debacle.

I told her that he was, in fact, not talking to me. I explained that I am gay, he disowned me -- the whole story. And that I would love it if we had a relationship (not so true now) but it's his decision not mine. After that there was radio silence for quite a while - many months -- maybe a year. That hurt, but I moved past it.

When she did email me back she basically said: your father is your father and he feels the way he feels. Along those lines. Well, I am not sure what I thought then -- it was a long time ago -- but I recall that I was kind of thinking that she could have said more than "I love you anyway." It was not very a very supportive message and I was hoping she'd say my father was wrong or something. Nope. Both of them are in their mid to late 60s. She just said that even if my father and I were not in touch she wanted to keep in touch with me.

Then she disappeared -- no emails -- she was not in touch. I guess it's been 3 or 4 years. Mind you, I did not email her either, but I was unhappy about that contact and I didn't feel like emailing her...I was upset. I guess I felt like she took my father's side. Well, that's not quite what I mean -- but I did not feel supported by her. She and my father are very close. We were very close when I was a child/teen too. I do love my aunt.

And so out of the blue she emails me this week to wish me a happy birthday. Just a short note..."we have not talked in a while, hope you are well" type thing -- not much content. Short, friendly tone...like it hasn't been a very long time!

Now I am fretting about what to do -- if or how to respond. I am not typically a fretter, but this threw me for a loop.

There is a reason for this thrown for a loop feeling beyond the existing family dynamic --

My father had very, very serious surgery (a life or death matter) six months ago after and no one told me. Not even her. I found out by a non-family member in a very coincidental way. No one on my late mother's side knew about this either. (They don't care for my father as they love me and hate the way he's treated me.)

My father, nor my aunt know that I know about the surgery. His not telling me felt like a very, very clear signal he wanted nothing to do with me -- not even in the face of death.

My aunt's not telling me makes me feel complex emotions that I am finding it hard to sort out -- that she obeyed his wishes perhaps? That she agreed I should not be told since I was gay and did not deserve to know he was unwell? Was she going to tell me if he died? I don't know -- the feelings are complex.

So now she's emailed me this short little warm little email and I don't know how handle it. I feel -- I think -- angry -- or maybe I feel sad?

I don't want to just be all warm and chit chatty. I think I want to tell her she need not wish me happy birthday if she thinks I don't need to know my father almost died.

What should I email my aunt back -- should I even email her back?

.

How much harm can a past-it wholemeal tortilla wreak?

Marzipan — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 11:29:05 -0800

We have cooked a fab Indian meal for friends coming this evening. However, to our dismay the 'Discovery' brand wholemeal tortillas which we were going to use for rotis, turn out to be one month past their sell by date. They taste ok. Can anyone get sick from eating an out of date wholemeal tortilla? (Ingredients: Wholemeal wheat flour, water, veg oil, glycerine, raising agents (diphosphates, sodium bicarbonate), dextrose, salt, acidity regulators (malic acid, citric acid), preservative (calcium propionate), mono-anddiglycerides of fatty acids)

Brain Art Dance Thing Seeks Name

Gusaroo — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:57:48 -0800

Help name this event: It's a day long event starting with an art show, leading into an evening of music and experiential art, and it's aim is to celebrate the creative works of those with mental illness. The higher goal is to destigmatize mental illness and educate attendees about the services available in the community. I like Revisionary Ball but someone else has claimed "Revisionary". Any ideas out there?

Sick kitty, low on cash.

greta simone — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 13:14:02 -0800

My cat is sick. I have next to no money. Is there a really-truly-worth it pet insurance company you recommend? Or is there a place I can apply for financial assistance? These are the details:

My cat, Greta, which is also this Greta, is a 10 year old female DSH, spayed, indoor-only cat. She's been showing bad symptoms and I have been taking her to a vet I'm really happy with (I have seen other, [only-slightly] cheaper vets in the city that I have not been as happy with. We have been putting her through some tests to figure out what's wrong with her. Best-case-scenario: She has a kidney disease I will have to treat her for for the rest of her life. Worst-case-scenario: Cancer.

I've already spent $600 on tests and visits alone over the past two weeks, and we haven't yet figured out what the deal is, but either way, I know I will be spending more money in the coming weeks to figure it out. I spoke with the vet about costs and my options. While they don't offer a payment plan, they offer essentially a line of credit that I could use to pay for the visits. I researched the line of credit, which would only offer so much, at a 27% apr. I looked into my existing credit and I can extend my current credit line the same amount as the vet-credit offered, at my existing 14% apr. So I have extended my credit the allowed amount. This is still not much (I know because I've spent as much for less serious but still critical care in the past) and will likely not cover the worst-case-scenarios. I am already struggling to pay my own bills as it is, though obviously I am working on that. I have nothing of any value to sell that isn't of vital importance.

My cat is not in any pain, and is otherwise healthy enough. My vet said that whatever it is, it has been caught early (according to the rate at which blood indicators show) so I have no plans to put her down in the event of worst-case-scenario, and fully plan on giving her treatments for whatever until things tip the scale to where she is in pain.

So I'm seeking a few options:

#1) I have heard of organizations or groups that offer some free assistance to people that can't afford treatments. Do you know of any groups where I can apply for such a thing? I'm in NYC if that's relevant.

#2) Are there any pet insurance companies that are actually worth the value that will cover serious care for an already aging cat? I can probably scrounge up $50 a month to pay a premium, but not the $500 every few weeks that I've already had to do.

Also, my cat is very sensitive to new environments and people and other animals (and my absence) so any suggestions to rehouse her with someone who could pay are not acceptable, as rehousing her would be as much of a blow to her quality of life as an untreated illness. I am only seeking suggestions on how to afford her care.

Please help. Thank you.

How do I get over my narcissistic parent?

inaisa — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 09:10:07 -0800

My mother is a narcissist and I need help getting over her; please read? I have recently come to the understanding that my mother is a narcissist. My father suffers from being self-absorbed and is extremely difficult to relate to, but my mother is much worse on so many levels and I have never understood this, and want to know how to better relate to them as an adult.

My mother works as a part time teaching assistant. She lives rent free in a large house and has at least one car. She has divorced my father on a whim and moved on to seduce various other men, such as the TV repair man, a neighbour, a devout Christian, and finally a successful car salesman. There is evidence to suggest my brother may not be related to me. Some months ago I saw her for the first time after no contact for five years, and she did not seem to notice at all. She has no idea of the devastation she causes and seems to take pleasure wandering into peoples' lives, destroying them and moving onto the next.

I really want to find a way to get over the physical abuse in the home. By the age of 22 I had run away to a halfway house after falling out with my father. I was not allowed to eat much and would be served tiny portions of food - a chicken wing for dinner. Fighting in the house was common. By the time I left I weighed between 35-40kg and was a physical and emotional wreck, and spent the next few years puking up my guts and trying to put on weight. I'm not sure but I think that my body might not have developed properly through starvation and it might have been a deliberate attempt to keep me "at her side".

It seems insane but I cannot relate to my mother as a seperate person unless I re-think her as a very small, selfish and aggressive child. What is more disturbing to me is that I think she cannot feel emotions in the way a normal adult does, and pretends to feel. My father would occasionally beat up our dogs as he liked to pick on those weaker and below him (I wasn't an exception until I stood up to him a few times). Sometimes my mother would watch and just seem curious. When I became upset at seeing it she would seem genuinely surprised. At that stage I thought that perhaps I was wrong to feel upset, and that I should have been tougher.

Looking back I can quite clearly see that my mother was mentally ill and I am furious with her for having to raise myself. All my life skills for instance, everything I know about cooking, cleaning, and taking care of myself, to being employable, having friends, being able to be responsible and think of myself as an adult - I am constantly on edge for yet another "you don't know WHAT??" surprise. I've never had a partner and was actively dissuaded from learning or pursuing one. And it's one of those thorns that stick. I gave my father endless and unquestioning faith, and in return he concluded with our relationship as "you are no longer part of the family." And simultaneously I am "Always welcome". I was also given an ultimatum to "choose" which parent was the best. This kind of sick and selfish behavior doesn't come from mentally healthy adults, but from the outside, they are blameless and perfect, I am the selfish and dysfunctional one.

One of the problems I've developed is that I find it very hard to feel. This may be something learned, but during some very bizarre interactions with my mother, I started to feel as if I didn't exist and was floating outside of my body. Other times I developed the skill of not feeling for recreation or protection. Another symptom I've experienced heavily is recurring nightmares, ones that have left me crying out in my sleep. I've tried talking to doctors about this but it's always a case of "Are you depressed? Y/N" and "fixing the depression".

I can't look at her as a child - after all, she is an adult. I cannot really see her as mentally stable but she never seeks help for her extreme selfishness, and if she does notice the strain she puts on people, she does spectacularly well in leeching onto others. I can not see her as a caregiver because it was the other way round - you care for her. But I can't see her as an abuser because it's too outrageous and self-pitying. And if I cut the cord, what have I been the last several years? Then it truly is all my fault for being stupid, easily bullied and self-absorbed in my life, and I get nothing in return for that kick in the teeth. What can a man do?

One of my fathers' responses to us - me and my siblings - in becoming adults ourselves is to act as childishly and reveal how naive he is, which has been a sickening letdown. My sister, for instance, contacted my father out of concern and love several years ago, and about how desperate her own circumstances were. She received a sympathy card. My father is capable of empathy but he is miserable and has a weak heart, and communicates through letting you down ie. "See what YOU did to ME!!" It's easy to cut contact with someone who communicates by cutting off contact. But I've found it harder to break free of wanting to help in return for being accepted. Then again, I will never be the person he thinks I should be (nor should I be), I cannot be his light and path as was expected, and even then the acceptance would be conditional to his feelings. Learning that the unspoken contract was that I was responsible for his feelings in itself has been hard enough to figure out let alone break.

My mother, on the other hand, has worked tirelessly to warp the people around her into producing nothing but endless attention. She is seriously mentally ill and I do not want to be responsible for her or visit her again in any stage of my life. This means everything - whether its a marriage, an accident, a death in the family, or so on. She will use any event or strategy to her advantage so that it gets her more attention and nothing hurts more. I am so sick of these people. If they can't grow up how can I.

Thanks for reading this, and please note: I am seeing a therapist about this

Weird dizzy spell - Should I do anything?

rainbowbrite — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 12:40:55 -0800

Just experienced a very weird dizzy spell...suddenly the room started spinning and I literally had to lay down on the floor of my office for about 10 minutes. (Luckily I have a private office so I was able to close the door and not get any weird looks!) I basically felt similar to times when I have been very, very drunk, but without having had any alcohol.

For obvious reasons, very disconcerting! I'm wondering if this is the sort of thing I should see a doctor about? If so, do I go now? Make an appointment for later? Still feeling somewhat spin-ny, so not sure how capable I am of walking anywhere at the moment, but I could call someone?

For what it's worth, I did eat breakfast this morning, and had 2 cups of coffee (not unusual). Got plenty of sleep last night, and can't think of anything unusual with my routine.

Just flu are you?

Bardolph — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 09:09:44 -0800

YANMDoctor. What are the chances that this recent illness was actually the flu? Jumping on the well-populated bandwagon of flu-related-questions around here lately: My daughter and I just got through some sort of mystery serious upper-respiratory thing. I'm wondering whether anyone can shed some light on whether this was, indeed, The Flu, or if that trial is potentially still ahead of us. Here are the tedious details:

DAUGHTER (preschool-aged): on return to daycare after Christmas break, the caregiver copped to having just recovered from a 6-day bout of what she called "the flu." Sounded convincing-- 104-degree fever, prostration, severe cough, etc. The next day, we got Daughter the flu shot (horse, barn door and all that).

Two days later, Daughter suddenly (like within 2 hours) breaks a 102.5-degree fever. Over the next five days, continual fever (controlled with meds, but gets up to the 101s), complete exhaustion, aches, malaise, extremely runny nose and sneezing, but no coughing. On sixth day, illness departs as suddenly as it came.

ME: Two days after onset of Daughter's illness, start nasal irritation and extremely runny nose. Within three hours, 101-ish fever. Fever carefully controlled with acetaminophen, but tends to drift up into 101s otherwise. Some fatigue, aches/chills, very runny nose, no coughing. Illness lasts a little over two days, then ends suddenly. My first and only flu vaccine was four years ago; I've had nasty feverish colds since then but nothing obviously identifiable as the flu. Not sure I've ever had the flu, in fact.

HUSBAND: Had the flu shot in November. Despite spending the week cheek-by-jowl with our sneezy, tissue-dropping kid, hasn't gotten ill at all.

Obviously, points in favor of this being the flu are the apparent immunity of vaccinated Husband, the medium-high fevers (aren't you not supposed to get bad fevers at all with colds?), the severity of the original caregiver's illness, and the sudden onset in all cases. On the other hand, there's the absence of any coughing at all, the fact that mine pretty definitively started in my nose, and the mysterious mildness of the illness in my case, when by rights I really shouldn't have even a shred of flu immunity to stand on. Also the fact that people on MeFi have been saying things like, "If you're just hoping not to die, that's how you know it's the flu," and nothing any of us experienced really sounds as bad as all that.

WHY IT MATTERS: with the flu at epidemic levels where we live, I'd like to have some sense of whether I still need to be ultra-paranoid about avoiding public places/other people, or if cross-strain resistance will give us some measure of protection.

Also, I'm pregnant (first trimester), have been enjoying reviewing research like this, and would like to know whether I'll need to spend the next 42 months freaking out about the specifically influenza-related bump to autism risks, or merely the more generic one associated with all maternal febrile infections. My OB will let me get the vaccine next month, once I'm out of the first trimester, and it'd also be worthwhile knowing if that's something to push for or not.

So, what say you, Metafilter? Was it the flu, or not the flu?

Is my space heater making me sick or am I just unlucky this year?

Young Kullervo — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 11:32:32 -0800

I know YANMD, but I am wondering if anyone has been told to cease using a space heater due to chronic pharyngitis or similar illnesses? I have always been a fairly healthy individual but I always come down with ONE fairly awful upper respiratory infection/cold/hay fever/bronchitis when the weather changes in the spring and autumn. That much is predictable. However, this autumn, starting around the beginning of October and ending (hopefully) in early December, I've sick 3 times with, what could have been, chronic pharyngitis or sinus infections/upper respiratory infections that have lasted at least a week or more each. It is also possible I caught every strand of rhinovirus out there within the period of a month because I have been told that this was a particularly brutal year for such things. No one knows. Much like an A student who receives a string of Bs, my initial thought is that "this doesn't happen to ME" so I began looking for possible causes. I am starting to suspect my space heater as a culprit for various reasons.

The first time I came down with the typical symptoms: sore throat, nasal congestion, headache, sneezing, etc. I let it pass without visiting a doctor. Not even a few days after feeling "better" I relapsed fairly harshly after waking up with what felt like a softball lodged in sinus cavity, a sore throat, nasal congestion, headache, and the NEW symptom of blood in my post nasal drip. I finally visited an immediate care clinic and they sent me away with my first ever zpac for pharyngitis (inflammation of the throat). I have no evidence that the zpac was actually necessary or effective because these bouts of illness typically last a week or so regardless, but that is neither here nor there. A few weeks later I woke up yet again with the same symptoms and finally decided to find the cause.

I have not been sick since the 4th of December, but I am thinking there are three things that could have caused this stubborn bouts of illness. Again, still no official diagnosis other than pharyngitis the one time, and every observation below is dreadfully post hoc, but here goes anyway!

1. The vigorous use of a space heater before the onset of symptoms, both at home and in my office. I had stopped using the space heater at home and the office and felt pretty fine over my holiday break. Today I returned to my office and decided to run the heater again because it is flipping freezing in here and I started to feel rather headachey/itchy in the throat almost immediately. Could the abrasive heat from these contraptions be affecting my upper respiratory system? Is this even a thing that happens?

2. Running 3 miles every night in cold weather could also be a factor. I wouldn't run during the illness but after feeling "better" I would start running again and then symptoms returned.

3. It is possible that it has just been a frankly shitty cold and flu season and everyone is getting sick repeatedly and I am no exception. I have been told this by multiple sources, but again my reaction is "But I don't get sick!"

I know my illnesses could probably a combination of all three (and the added bonus of working full-time plus teaching on the side) and I should talk to a doctor about this. I will if it continues for a 4th time but I really just want to know if anyone has had a similar experiences and if their doctor recommended scrapping their space heaters? If and when I do visit the doctor should I even bring it up as a concern? Or perhaps I shouldn't use my exercise or space heater as a scapegoat (because I really like it, my office is cold always) and just cope with the fact that my case is the same as a vast majority's this year? Thanks always!

She doesn't want help, but I want to help her.

Anonymous — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 21:26:36 -0800

How to convince someone who may be schizophrenic to seek help? I am home for the holidays. I have a cousin who I used to be very close to but have not seen much for a few years, as I now live far from most of my family because of my job. She's in her mid twenties and was acting very strangely. She was never like this in the past, but she was brimming with conspiracy theories; a lot of it typical right wing stuff (Obama is a muslim who was born in Kenya), but some of it regarding people in our family (that one of our family members did not actually die of cancer but was killed by another family member, for one).

She was just acting a lot more paranoid than usual, so I told the cousin's mother, my aunt, that I was worried about her. This cousin still lives at home so my aunt has probably seen her the most out of anyone over these last few years. My aunt broke down, saying that's it's actually much worse than it seems; my cousin hears voices and believes that she can control spirits to harm other people. My aunt has tried to get my cousin to seek treatment, but hasn't been successful. My cousin has an enormous disdain for medicine and doctors, which doesn't help anything.

In the past my aunt hoped that my cousin's behavior was due to illegal drugs, but my aunt is now almost certain that my cousin is not doing any drugs and the odd behavior is still very bad.

My cousin is definitely smart enough to hide most of the things people would think are crazy. I want to help my aunt and my cousin, but I don't know how. How can you help someone who doesn't want help? My cousin is also pregnant and I worry about the welfare of the coming child. My cousin also owns several guns. I know that most mentally ill people are not violent, but the possible untreated mental illness and guns combo definitely worries me.

My aunt is afraid to push too hard because my cousin is distancing herself from almost everyone, and my aunt is the only person she still trusts and confides in (the child's father is not in the picture). She asked me for advice but I was completely at a loss.

What to expect, and how to deal?

sunshine arakhan — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 02:02:27 -0800

My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in May this year. We've just been told she now has 6 months to live. Help me with what to expect. I'm not even sure what I'm asking here, but here goes.

My 47 year old mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer in May this year. They then discovered it had spread to her lungs and lymph nodes. She's been through intense treatment this year, including extensive and invasive radiotherapy (which she can no longer have as her body can't handle any more) and several types of chemotherapy. Last week we got the results of the scans she had to see how her treatments had gone so far. The tumours have doubled in size, nothing has worked, her doctors have given her 6 months.

I'm 24 and never had to deal/experience the death or illness of a close family member or friend before. I've been seeing a psychologist this year to come to terms with some difficult issues from the past involving her, so I am much more at peace with her and the fact she will pass away soon. What I don't know however is the whole physical side of it. What exactly happens when someone stops treatment for cancer? How do they deterioate physically, especially in the way of lung and cervical cancers? In my head I think of how AIDS normally kills through pneumonia etc - is it an immune system failure that will end up taking her, for lack of a better phrase?

I know this all sounds very morbid and any information I try and brace myself with now may well go out the window once the time goes. I live two states away from her (3 hour flight then 4 hours driving), so I won't be there the whole time to see her go through this, which I think makes it worse because once the family says "it's time, come up" it's going to hit me hard seeing her in whatever state she may be in.

FWIW I am going up at Christmas, having not seen her since July, and will be there for her during any time off she wants to take with the family next year, however long that may be. It's more the actual moment where she may be admitted to hospital and we just have to sit around and wait that I don't know what to think of.

As an adult, how do you decide when you're sick enough to go see a doctor?

colfax — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 06:56:25 -0800

As an adult, how do you decide when you're sick enough that you should go see a doctor? I think I need some guidelines, or maybe a decision-making tree, for when you should go see a doctor, and when you should just stay home and drink tea and sleep on the couch for a couple of days. My main problem I think is that I don't have any models for that kind of decision-making: my dad never goes to the doctor unless he's cut off a toe or something, and my mom is a hypochrondriac who thinks that any scrape that looks slightly red around the edges is probably infected with flesh-eating bacteria. Basically, I grew up in a house with no middle path.

In addition to not having any models, I am stubborn, accustomed to having to take care of myself, and I probably have an un-usefully high pain tolerance to boot, which means that my general mode of operating goes like this: I start feeling sort of crappy for some reason, but not debilitatingly so. It doesn't even occur to me as an option at that point to slow down for a couple of days and take care of myself, so without really thinking about it, I just end up putting my head down and working harder to overcome the fatigue, etc. I continue on working like that until I am literally too sick to move or until something makes it suddenly apparent to me how much ground I've lost. Then I go to the doctor, half expecting them to laugh me out of the office for being a hypochondriac. But instead of laughing at me, the doctor often tells me that I'm actually a lot sicker than I'd been thinking.

Altogether, this means that I've lost a lot of time to feeling sick. But I feel like there have to be people out there who have this better figured out than I do: who manage to go to the doctor in a more timely manner than I do. If you are one of those people, how do you do it? How do you decide what counts as sick enough to go to the doctor? If you decide to wait for a little while and see if something resolves itself on its own with a little self-care, how do you decide when to stop waiting if it doesn't get better right away? And, maybe this is a weird question, but if you're used to being chronically ill, how do you notice when something has changed from being "sort of normally sick" to "okay, this is a problem that requires attention"? I apologize in advance if this question is a little incoherent. It was prompted by the realization that my earache has been getting steadily worse for a month and a half now, and it's now bad enough that I can't really hear out of that ear, so I should probably go to the doctor tomorrow. Anyway, I'm a little foggy at the moment.

How do I help my wife who is bed ridden with stomach flu?

alshain — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 08:56:47 -0800

My wife has stomach flu. What can I do for her? This is the first time she has been bed ridden. Last night was spent in the washroom throwing up. I felt helpless. I just don't know what I can do.

We have two small kids. They are with me. House work is taken care of. She is in bed. Her diet prescription is stay on liquids.

What can I do to make this easy for her and how can I comfort her? What can I prepare for her (I am such a noob in the kitchen).

Also, we have boys 6 and 3. How can I make this a learning/appreciate situation for them?

Mind or body? What's up with these symptoms?

sarahgrace — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:43:57 -0800

YANMD, but what could be causing these bizarre health issues in a previously (fairly) healthy twenty-year-old female? Snowflake details inside. For the past eight or nine months, I have been having strange, unexplained symptoms that don't seem to have any particular trigger other than one panic attack in March of this year. I've been to three different doctors since then and had various tests run but no one seems to have any explanation.

First, some quick background details about my health. As I said, I'm 20-years-old and female. I'm 5' 2" and weigh around 135 pounds. I have a history of anxiety disorders and more recently some depression (the depression coinciding with the aforementioned panic attack and these symptoms). The most serious issue I've had with my health is a strange skin rash occurring on and off from around 2007 until 2011 involving flaky skin patches, redness, oozing, scabbing, and itching. This skin disorder was never completely diagnosed and was treated unsuccessfully with steroid cream before disappearing. I suspect psoriasis, but I'm not a dermatologist. I have also had problems with my joints (pain and aches), especially my right knee which partially dislocates every month or so. The only medicine I am on is generic Ortho Tricyclen. I have been a social smoker on and off for a few years.

After my panic attack in March during which I was convinced I was having a heart attack, I have had chronic chest pain on the left side of my chest. It comes and goes but has never stayed gone more than a few weeks. Two days after the panic attack I went to the doctor after getting an inaccurately super high blood pressure reading at Walmart. My blood pressure was checked (during a complete meltdown it was 138/80 or something around there) and I requested an EKG which was normal. The doctor prescribed me a low dosage of Celexa and I went on my way.

After discovering that Celexa made me feel insane, I stopped taking it (with my doctor's permission) and was fine for a few months. Over the summer, however, I started feeling anxious and the chest pain returned along with fatigue. I went to a different doctor who did blood tests for thyroid disorders and possible other problems, all which came back clean. He suspected depression and anxiety but was not prescribed medication.

Most recently I have been having strange sensations in my abdomen, back, and legs. My legs will ache occasionally when I'm trying to sleep and I can't stand to keep them still. They also fall asleep very easily and my left leg occasionally gets this seemingly nerve related shooting tingle. I know that's a poor explanation but it's the only way I can think to describe it. I have pain in my left shoulder and in my left side, next to my bellybutton. I also have "ice pick pain" right above my left ear, sometimes falling into a dull headache. I had another physical at my gynecologist on October 8 and my abdomen was palpated, blood pressure and heartbeat checked, etc. Nothing was out of place. My blood pressure is checked daily and runs anywhere from 100/60 to 120/75.

The chronic pain I'm experiencing is driving me crazy and I'm not sure what could be causing it. I feel like it could all be in my head from the anxiety and depression, but if it isn't I'm terrified that there is something seriously wrong with my body that I'm attributing to my mind. Has anyone experienced/heard of anyone experiencing symptoms like this? What type of doctor should I see?

Thank you in advance for reading this novel of a post, and for any advice you can provide.

He already ate it

monkey!knife!fight! — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:17:33 -0800

So almost two weeks ago, we picked up a box of chocolate kisses from a market in Germany. They are delicious egg white and sugar treats covered in chocolate. Tonight he was all "oh, hey, what happened to those things we bought?" and then found them in a box under a book on a chest that we just toss stuff on and clearly needs to be cleaned more often. He said "score" and stared to stuff them into his face. I was horrified and told him he's going to die. He is telling me that my American upbringing is not to be trusted and that these things are fine. I want him to make it, but I'm pretty sure he's going to be ill tomorrow. Thoughts?