Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with illness

How to say "you're crazy"?

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 09:08:51 -0800

How do you tell someone that they're "crazy"? I need to help a best friend who is losing his sanity. It's a long story... About three years ago, in his early twenties, while under a huge deal of pressure in a very stressful job, he started hearing God speaking to him – literally hearing the voice as if it were real. He began to identify as a Christian, and immersed himself deeply in biblical scholarship, Gospel of Thomas, Gnosticism, all that sort of thing. It wasn’t run of the mill born-again stuff; it was obsessive, and a complete and utter break from his previous personality. The signs that something was odd were obvious, but his parents, for reasons I won’t go into, were of no help. His behaviour became more and more erratic, he could not continue working, he got arrested after flipping out on his housemates after God warned him of an impending terrorist attack, he spent a brief period in a mental hospital, came out, got deeper into the stuff, started obsessing about hell, and ended up attempting suicide and was lucky to survive the attempt. I had been living overseas during this time, and was shocked to find out about the whole thing when I got back.
That was two years ago. After this he received the psychiatric treatment he should have had long before, was diagnosed with schizophrenia and started taking medication to control the voices and visions. He started living with his parents again, started receiving a disability pension, and realized that the whole thing had been a symptom of mental illness. He went into a deep depression for about a year. Then he began to recover, returned to university, and it seemed possible that he’d be able to put the whole thing behind him. He was no longer religious.
He graduated from university a bit less than a year ago, and since that time he’s seemed to have his condition under control. He was still living with his parents, taking it easy, half looking for work, began another course and planned to go overseas to live with another relative. He tried dating; he hadn’t had a girlfriend since the whole thing blew up. He seemed to be in a bit of a rut, but at least he wasn’t in danger. If you met him you might not consider him completely “normal” (who is?) but you wouldn’t suspect that he had schizophrenia.
But over the last week I’ve received a couple of calls from him. He sounded perfectly rational, there wasn’t a trace of mania in his voice, but what he was talking about disturbed me. He seems to have a new hobby researching occult symbolism on the internet. He spoke for hours about Egyptian, freemasonic imagery, Babylonian mythology, ancient mystery religions, and said that he had pieced everything together, and uncovered a great secret – basically a magic spell that can lead to life after death. Apparently this secret has been known throughout the ages but because it is being kept secret because it is dangerous and if you do it wrong you will go to hell. Anyway, he has uncovered the magic spell, which he says has given him the feeling of eternal life, physical sensation of power, enlightenment etcetera. He instructed me how to perform this spell myself (the particular details are not important, needless to say it is quite bizarre). But he says he hasn’t discovered the final stages of the spell and is still looking.
I didn’t know what to say. What I wanted to say was – “have you been taking your meds?” But I didn’t want to offend him. I didn’t want to say that his “enlightenment” was just his mental condition resurfacing. I just listened patiently and said, “hmmm… that’s interesting”. The thing is, he talks in the most normal way. He knows he is perfectly sane. And I’m pretty sure he has been taking his meds, but something is still wrong. If I tell him that he’s losing his mind, he’ll just think I’m being an asshole.
It is stressing me out because this guy is my best friend, we’ve been best friends since we were like ten years old. He’s the only friend I’ve kept in contact with since school. And he’s really smart, an excellent guy, who could achieve anything if it wasn’t for this illness. When I recall all the memories of how we grew up together, I just feel totally awful about what it has come to.
So… I don’t really know if there’s an answer to this question, or if anyone has been in the same situation, or what. But I’m at a bit of a loss. He needs help getting back into the real world and piecing his life together again. How do you tell someone that they are “crazy” when they’re obviously not going to believe you?

Have you taken back your mentally ill partner and wish you hadn't? Or wish you had?

Toto_tot — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:33:02 -0800

Do you do this? How do I escape the pattern of going back to, because I can't resist helping, my (I think) mentally ill (or unstable/intense) husband. See, he's not all bad... Do you regret going back? Do you wish you had? My husband of 17 years is one of those very smart, creative, super-funny people that are sometimes (not all the time) crazy. When I met him we were both had theater and music careers. I'd never met anyone like him and he pursued me to another country. We married, worked in the arts together, and had a child. Let me say this off the top, he is an awesome father.

But he is also the most 'intense' person I have ever met and I have, as my therapist says, "managed" him from the beginning. You know the dysfunction--making sure I never made him too mad, making sure he was okay with whatever we were doing... etc. He was a pothead and when angry, intensely angry (never physically). But he's also funny and smart... etc, right, you know....

By the time my daughter was four, I had basically checked out, was on the way out the door, when he woke up to that fact and got sober. He's been sober for 8 years. It's weird though, he's always held it up as an example of how he changed for the sake of the marriage and 'where was my change?'

Anyway, blah blah blah there were good times and hard times. He really stepped up and became an excellent husband and father. But I still sometimes managed him (his anger was under control), and watched as he seemed to build resentments and destroy relationships outside of the marriage, work relationships more than personal.

Flash forward to this past spring and summer where we had one friend die super young (42) and another diagnosed with cancer. He had the pressure of finishing his Masters... He stopped sleeping, became hypomanic, destroyed one of the most valuable professional relationships he had, displayed (mild but definite) delusions of grandeur.

Then 2 months ago he started an affair with a woman half his age (44 and 23) and left me in a frightening, explosion of verbal abuse witnessed by our 13year old. He set up a place of his own and she practically lived there. He has started drinking again, although I don't know how much.

That wasn't enough for my co-dependent self to call it quits. And now that it's settling down, and he can see that he and this woman have nothing in common, I am faced with the decision of taking him back.

And of course now he is smart and insightful and penitent. And of course I understand that I am certainly culpable in any relationship problems that led to an affair. Our daughter misses him. And I still love him. I do.

I believe that he is an undiagnosed bipolar and/or some other personality disorder and so how can I leave him? IF HE GETS HELP, how can I turn away? And the more depressed and distraught he becomes the more I feel sorry for him and can't imagine also taking his family away from him. Yes, I can suck it up and work on our marriage--I know I can--and I know that it will be good and bad again, like all marriages. But what if it all goes horribly wrong again in three years... Trust is definitely an issue, along with the list of resentments toward me that he has dredged up in our arguments and discussions. But those are issues for couples therapy....??? I am already seeing someone on my own, as is our daughter.

Anyone out there have a similar experience? Take your partner back and wish they hadn't or turned away and wish they hadn't? I miss him but I'm also kinda relieved. More than anything, I feel like I'm dying inside on a daily basis.

Should I mention I'm mentally ill on a graduate school statement of intent

Anonymous — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:35:36 -0800

Should I mention my mental illness on my graduate school statement of intent? Brief background - I have social anxiety, depression, and Asperger's syndrome and a year ago, I graduated with a B.S. in Economics from a fairly prestigious technical school. I really want to go on to get a Master's in Economics, followed by a PhD.

However, mostly due to depression and anxiety, my grades were not that fantastic, 2.6 or so overall and my grades in some of my econ courses were not that great (for instance, I got a C in my Math Methods of Econ mostly because I had to miss a week of class since I was in the mental ward at a hospital because I was ready to kill myself). I do have support from one professor who I actually talked to when I was in school who would be glad to write letters of recommendation to some schools I'm looking at he thinks are realistic options given my background, not to mention I did pretty alright on the GREs (though only a 670 on the Math and 580 on the writing).

However, it was suggested to me by someone that I mention the fact I have mental illness, especially Asperger's, on my statement of intent, that is my essay on why I want to attend graduate school. I've been told that schools like to let in disabled applicants because it makes their departments look good, and that having Asperger's would be an asset as people would think I'm some kind of genius (to be honest, I really wish I had that super-Aspie power of concentration on academic subjects, as I tend to obsess over the Internet and more useless topics). Likewise, someone else suggested I use it as saying that I've "overcame adversity."

But I'm concerned about the fact that there's a stigma associated with mental illness and that an economics department might be reluctant to accept me into their program because they think I'm sort of skizo who hears voices or has multiple personalities or more or less just flake out. I'll also be honest - I really don't think I've "overcome" my mental illness. I wish I could give an inspiring personal account how I overcame it but it's something I struggle with everyday but if I mention it, it would explain why my grades were less than stellar. I think that they might view the fact I'm mentally ill as more of a liability than an asset to their department.

As a tangential issue, I'd like to have the aforementioned professor look over my statement of intent since I can't think of anyone else to do it, but I'm afraid if I do mention it, he'll find out I'm mentally ill and that would ruin our relationship and he'd stop wanting to help me.

So should I bother mentioning I'm mentally ill in my statement of intent? If so, how should I go about it?

I'm not so much ashamed that I'm mentally ill, only that I don't want to be rejected on the account of the stigma associated with mental illness.

As a final clarifying note, yes, I do realize that graduate school will be harder than my undergraduate program. However, I do want to get a PhD eventually because I love doing research and that's something I'd like to do for the rest of my life because it actually makes me happy.

One fever is more than enough fevers for us

tmcw — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:09:57 -0800

Indian health concerns: typhoid fever and dengue fever. Yes, you are not my doc. So, the short of it is: I am heading to new Delhi late tomorrow. My girlfriend, who I'm visiting, got dengue fever three days ago. She's feeling a bit better, but, obviously, better relative to the f'ing dengue fever.

Problem #2 I took three of the four pills (live vaccine) for typhoid fever, and was going to take the last tomorrow, on the schedule. And realized ten minutes ago, on this cross-coast bus, that I had left that little box in my office.

So:

dengue is spread by 'blood products' while she's still feverish. What does this mean in kissy terms.

Next: how screwed am I with my 75% vaccination against a quite serious illness? And can I grab another dose in a cvs tomorrow? Cost would obviously be thought of relative to hospital stay / death (jk, I'll never die)

Finally, any departing words of advice for a first-time Indian visiting his so abroad?

There's something I should tell you... I have cancer...

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:50:13 -0800

I lied about having cancer to my boss. Now what? I work at a school in New York City. Lately I've been under so much stress I have fantasized about quitting often. All of the teachers at my school are browbeaten about test scores and threatened with disciplinary action for missed deadlines and inadequate performance. Yesterday, I told my principal and the assistant principal that I had cancer as a child and it had come back. Yes. Yes I did.

They were very nice and supportive, and repeatedly told me that they were there for me and how wonderful a job I had been doing.

So.... my question is, how can this come back to haunt me? I am on the city's insurance. I don't want to take off more days because of this, I just didn't want every sick day I took scrutinized and possibly subjected to disciplinary action (this happens). In addition, I always feel pressured about little things and I am hoping this will cause them to back off a bit.

So my questions:

1) If they suggest that I take a medical leave of absence, would they be able to check the authenticity of my claims? What is that process like?

2) I don't plan on telling anyone else at the school and certainly not telling anyone that this is BS. How can I better my chances of not being found out?

3) Can they call my insurance company or doctors to verify this? I have seen several doctors for various other problems in the past few months but no oncologists.

Can a cold cause confusion?

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:17:32 -0800

Can allergies or a cold cause confusion? You're not my doctor, obviously, but here goes:

I've been sick for the past 4-5 days with a mild cold. I haven't had a fever, and have been getting plenty of rest. Right now my only symptoms are some nasal pressure, post-nasal drip, a headache, and some sneezing. The only thing I can think of that I've been doing wrong is that I haven't been focused on drinking a ton of fluids.

For the past 3-4 days I've had recurring episodes of what I can only call confusion, for lack of a better word. I feel slightly disoriented, light-headed, a little dizzy, and--this may sound silly--really really dumb. It feels as though my brain isn't working at full capacity and I'm unable to make decisions (although I still know who and where I am).

The first time this happened was at the supermarket with my boyfriend. On the way there I realized I'd suddenly become really grumpy for no apparent reason. Inside, I was anxious with other people, and really frustrated with myself for not being able to think clearly. Anytime my boyfriend would put his arm around me or try to comfort me it would drive me crazy. I would stare at an aisle of food and not be able to figure out what I needed to pick up. I basically felt like a really irratable zombie.

The past two days, I've had the same thing happen, but a little less severe. It's usually when I'm standing up, and usually accompanied by anxiety. It's strange, though, because I feel lethargic (not "anxious" in the typical sense of the word). It's more like I'm really frustrated that I can't think clearly.

I've written it off as being a symptom of the cold and told myself that it's normal to feel fuzzy-headed, but I can't find anything online about this. I have only taken half a Zyrtec twice for the nasal stuff. I don't have any chronic medical conditions that I know of (it's been a while since I've seen a doctor). I'm 25, female, and in relatively good health otherwise.

The only thing I can come up with is that I'm possibly anemic and this is the first I've noticed any symptoms. But it seems far more likely to be the result of my cold, considering they happened at the same time. Does anyone else get this way when they're sick? Is it normal? Should I be concerned?

How can I kill a cough that lingers for a month?

joshrholloway — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 04:50:12 -0800

Why do I always have a cough that lingers for about a month after I've had a cold, and how can I get rid of it? For as long as I can remember, after I've had a cold, I still have a hacking cough for about a month afterward, which tends to finally go away abruptly. The cough is the only symptom that lingers after everything else goes away, and I feel fine otherwise. I've had asthma since I was a kid, which I'm assuming is the cause of (or at least a large contributor to) this problem.

This is a dry cough. I don't ever cough up any phlegm or anything like that. If it gets really bad, I can use my rescue inhaler and it will help me for a few minutes. Cough drops also help, but not a lot. The weird thing is that I never have any other real problems with my asthma besides this.

I've talked to multiple doctors about this and they have all kind of shrugged it off and implied that it's just something I have to deal with. While I can deal with it, it's just annoying to have to explain to people that this terrible hacking cough is just my asthma acting up and that I'm not contagious.

So has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this? Do you have any recommendations on how to kill this stupid cough without waiting a month?

Strange malady - please help me identify this

dmbfan93 — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:24:34 -0800

Please help me identify this illness I have. WebMD and other medical web sites don't quite address the symptoms that I have. Please help. I get this illness each fall/winter: I feel weak, sluggish, headache. I wake up at night in a cold sweat. And yet its not so bad that I can't go to work. To others I seem perfectly fine because I have no tell-tale signs of an illness. It doesn't manifest in upper respiratory issues: I don't get congested, although I feel some sinus pressure. The feeling of weakness and sluggishness feel particularly worse when I slow down - when I'm sitting still working in my cube at work, or when I'm lying in bed - I zonk out right away - I feel so wiped out. Last year when I had this the only thing I could find when inputting my symptoms on medical websites was mono but its not mono because it tends to go away after about two weeks. I want to know how to treat this - to make it go away more quickly - or treat the symptoms. Have you suffered from this malady? If so, how long does it last? Is this just a virus? Appreciate your advice, thanks.

Should I attempt a long bike ride even though I'm sick?

misskaz — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:45:27 -0800

I had plans to ride my bike from Chicago to Milwaukee tomorrow with my husband and two friends (about 100 miles). Now I've come down with a pretty bad cold. Should I cancel or try to power through? Have you ever done a lot of physical activity while recovering from a cold, and how did you fare? Pros:
I really, really, really want to go on this ride. We've been planning on it as a capstone to our season all year. I think it will be fun, and it would be a nice accomplishment (my first century). I rode a metric century a couple weeks ago and other than being sick, feel fairly well prepared. We are planning to take it easy anyway as not everyone has really trained as much as would be ideal for such a long ride. Although we'd like to make it before sundown, we can take as much time as we need to complete the ride. We've already made the hotel reservations to stay in Milwaukee overnight and bought the Amtrak tickets to get back home the next day.

Cons:
I'm sick. I have a bad cold and feel, frankly, like crap today. I'm congested, going through boxes of tissues, and tired. The ride is just the four of us - bailing mid-way will be difficult, if not impossible. (There are no Amtrak stops mid-way; the only chance to bail is the final Metra stop which I think is in Kenosha.) There's a 30% chance of rain in the morning and it will be fairly cold (high in the upper 40s).

I think I know the smart thing is to stay home and wish the others well, but the idea of it is so disappointing that I would like to know if anyone else has done something like this and survived - and even enjoyed him/herself. Also, any tips for feeling better quickly, riding under such circumstances, etc., would be appreciated. I'm already taking Cold-Eeze and doing the usual rest, chicken soup, and fluids bit.

Most comforting things in the world

mthomps00 — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:25:08 -0800

What are the best ways to comfort someone with a bad cold/flu? My boyfriend's been ailing with a miserable flu for the past couple days. He's got constant body aches, a hacky dry cough, occasional fever, and dizziness. We've got him on lots of medication, and last night I made him a good lentil/garlic/curry/tomato stew.

He'll get better in a few days, but in the meantime, what's the absolute most comforting thing I can do for him? I'm thinking less in terms of medicines and remedies and more in terms of pure wondrous comfort - foods, drinks, lullabies, you-name-it.

Your Most Stunning Photographs of Disease, Please.

foxy_hedgehog — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 06:28:59 -0800

I'm compiling a set of 30-40 photographs related to any and all aspects of disease for a high school visual literacy project. The students are high school juniors who are struggling with literacy and writing. I'd love your suggestions for compelling, diverse, and striking images and sites that have collections of same. The theme is deliberately open-ended, and can include images from medical and scientific history as well as depictions of illnesses, medical epidemics, and attempts to treat and cope with disease. This could include everything from Sebastiao Salgado's photographs of the distribution of the polio vaccine in India and Africa to the (in)famous Benneton "Pieta" photograph. The goal is to find images that provoke thought, convey information, and tell stories.

I need to include background information on the photos (such as context, description, photographer, title, date, and any copyright information) so any suggestions that have this would be very helpful.

Many thanks for your thoughts and suggestions!

Whence nosemeat?

Ambrosia Voyeur — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 19:31:00 -0800

I don't think this is, strictly speaking, supposed to happen: meat often comes out of my head when I'm sick. Why? What does it portend? [Warning: so gross.] Sinus tissue, very similar in texture to what you might inadvertently bite off your cheek, detaches in my sinuses and I cough it out. In single, big ol' pieces you would not believe. They're mucousy and sometimes bloody, but not themselves mucous, meat rather. I'm an ovo-lacto vegetarian, I know the difference.

This seems to occur with fever. I almost never have nasal congestion, and am prone to dry sinuses when I travel, including bloody noses. This time, it seems like I have a pretty run-of-the-mill cold, not something I should be panicking over, except this nasal meat-gifting is happening. Only twice. Maybe once daily when I'm feverish.

I know, so gross. I've spared you a photo, though.

Do I have some nose-disease you know of? Does this happen sometimes to people you know? Is it okay? It it my brains? What?

Help me deal with my mentally ill father, who I still need to talk to.

Anonymous — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 13:27:56 -0800

How should I go about handling my (very) mentally ill father who goes through (primarily) emotionally/psychologically abusive phases with anyone he holds a relationship with? Completely cutting off contact is probably not a solution for a few reasons. Sorry for a long post, but...

History: My father is mentally ill, diagnosed as having a number of issues. He does not properly take his medication, and I'm not even sure that he bothers taking it at all, any more. It shows. I have been out of my (now divorced) parents' household for many years, but he calls me frequently--once a week--and tries desperately to keep tabs on what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. as he likes to try to gain control over people, so he can manipulate situations. It's a taxing relationship that would normally not be worth having, other than there are some issues at hand with cutting all ties. That's where I'm hoping to get some advice.

I thankfully haven't seen my father in about two years, but he's called me and known where I lived, which wasn't an easy place for him to travel to...intentionally. About a month ago, I began a big move, selling a bunch of my stuff with the idea of starting afresh and getting better stuff. I've graduated college, so it is a bit of a new life.

Before leaving where I was, I told my father that I was in the process of moving, but was going to drive around and find a place before settling down, which I have done; I said I'd have trouble getting in touch with him, as I'd be busy, which was/is true. I've only just gotten into a place over the past week. (Maybe it's worth noting that the place is much closer--several hours' drive--and more accessible to him now, which is a slight concern.) My father's been going crazy, though--no puns intended--as he only had my last landline number, so he hasn't been able to speak to me or keep up with what I'm doing. I emailed him a couple of weeks ago, but that wasn't enough, and now he's sending me emails saying I haven't gotten in touch with him for three months. That may be one of his occasional delusions, and I have no way of calculating whether he's reacting angrily or otherwise to it all. Overall, this isn't my problem.

My problem is that...well, really my problem is just that he's crazy, and I'm not (no more so than most!), and there's not really anything either of us can do about it, particularly if he's not going to take his medication and/or consistently go to therapy. When he calls me, he wants to act like he's never treated me badly. He wants to be all buddy-buddy, as if I've never had to keep him, a very large man, from chasing my mother; as if I've never had to call the cops on him; as if he's never verbally disowned me or threatened me to my face in one of his fits. Despite all this, I would still be more than happy to keep a distant relationship with him, where we send cards at holidays and we speak over the phone a couple of times a year. Being mentally ill, though, and pretty damn unapologetic, he can't seem to understand any of this, and he'd even somehow be offended if I tried (yet again) to get him to understand it.

Core Question: With all of this baggage and the issues that still exist, his latest email accusing me of not talking to him for three months (again, untrue) and the fact that he doesn't know where I am / doesn't have an easy means of contacting me leaves me wondering how I should handle it. I have options, but I'm just not sure which I should choose. Should I just cut ties? Should I tell him where I am? Should I give him my phone number? Should I see him again? Is it safe for me to? And on and on and on. I drive myself batty dealing with this.

"So, why are you still in touch with him at all? Why would you even consider it?" you might ask. There are three primary reasons:

1. This is the biggest reason, and it is a material one, but one I care deeply about, nonetheless. There is a lot of land somewhere that, as his only child, will go to me, unless he outright denies me from having it in his will. Some of that land is already in my name, but only a very small portion of it. I want it all, when he finally keels over from all his bad decisions, as morbid and vulturistic as that sounds. I grew up on that land some, and it means a lot to me. I am concerned that cutting contact with him would mean I would never see all of it again. On a lesser note, where he lives is where my parents lived for a long time; it is also the place my mother fled from, finally, a few years ago. A lot of my childhood keepsakes, that I desperately want, are locked up in that home with him.

2. He gets frantic and does some wild things that might affect my life. My father has been known to wiretap, hide recorders, hire private investigators, etc. He currently doesn't know where I am, but if he ever got into the frame of mind where he wanted to know, he could actually easily find out. He would even know if he looked on my Twitter account, but he's too lazy. He loves spending money, though, so if he decided he wanted to track me down, I'm sure he'd hire someone. Doing things like that seem to give him a feeling of importance. Clearly, for my own sanity, I don't want to be tracked down! It seems that minimal, but existing contact is the only way to eliminate this possibility.

3. One of the few ways my father has always tried to "apologize" to both my mother and myself is by spending money. He paid for my college tuition, and a very small part of me is a little bit afraid that if I piss him off, he'll try to come back some sort of way and get that money from me. He'd not have much on his side, as I've got emails from him which don't state I have to repay anything, but I don't want to go through the hassle or heartache of any of that. My father is "lawyer-and-sue happy," so this is a possible scenario, even if small.

So, yes, hopefully you see why I'm hesitant to completely cut ties. I feel like both material/financial and emotional things are at stake here.

Two final things:

Please note that "talk to a therapist" is not the answer I'm looking for, so I'd appreciate it if no one went that route. I have spoken to therapists and guidance counselors in the past, as recently as this year. They all recommend I distance myself from my father, if not completely cut ties. This is good advice, but it doesn't take into account some of the things I have at stake here, which counselors always seem to overlook for some reason. That being said, therapy to help me process all this crap probably is in order, and I'll see to that at some point, when I've got time and a steadier income.

The law is not on my side, really, other than in emergencies, so you shouldn't assume that it is. Restraining orders do little good, other than to rile up the mentally ill party, and it is incredibly difficult to institutionalize someone, even when they have emotionally and even physically abused people. Most of the time you can only get someone locked up for a few weeks; my father has been locked up for that amount of time in the past, only to be released, because of legal reasons concerning how long mental health patients can be kept under certain circumstances. I'm probably not looking for a way to deal with all this, law wise, but if you know of something I don't, I'd appreciate your sharing it.

I hope someone can help me figure out how to communicate with him, but still stay safe and get what I want in the end. Thanks, everyone.

Get in mah belly, belly

chalbe — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 14:58:03 -0800

Safe to eat raw refrozen meats that've been defrosted several times? I bought a slab of vacuum sealed raw pork belly and tried to turn this specimen into delicious BACON, but due to scheduling problems, etc. never got around to actually cooking it.

I'd defrost the meat in the fridge in the morning, only to find out later that night that I couldn't cook and 3 days later end up throwing it back into the freezer. The slab's gone through about 3 of these cycles of defrosting and refreezing.

Is it still safe to eat?

I don't want to spiral downward

hollygoheavy — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 09:12:10 -0800

Please tell me about your experience with mood stabilizers such as Lamictal and Depakote. I've been diagnosed as Bipolar II after over 20 years of being diagnosed with major depressive disorder with anxiety. I work with a wonderful therapist who "changed" my diagnosis after nearly a year of therapy, so it wasn't a snap decision. I also have ADHD which I take Adderal for and have been prescribed Valium prn for anxiety. My therapist and I work on CBT principles and those help quite a bit, but I can tell I'm started to cycle downward. I tried Abilify but had that crappy side effect where my body felt like it was shaking all the time and my brain felt like it was bouncing back and forth inside my skull-so that one is out.

My therapist today suggested I consider one of the "old school" mood stabilizers and mentioned Lamictal or Depakote. She explained that they are anti-seizure medications and that I would probably need a low dose but she's very concerned that I am not on any sort of medication for the cycling. After having crappy side effects from SSRI's for years, I'm reluctant to try another medication. Sexual side effects are a deal breaker for me as well as feeling like my brain is moving around inside my head.

My questions:

1-what side effects have you experienced with mood stabilizers?

2-do you think it's possible to manage your bipolar II with CBT, mood journals, therapy and the like?

Anosmia - is it forever?

terrierhead — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 11:06:14 -0800

Getting over a lousy cold/flu, can breathe again but can't smell anything. Is this permanent? I'm a 37 y/o female who until recently had an extremely good olfactory ability. My toddler twins brought home the superflu from their daycare last week. After more than a week of illness the whole family's on the mend. I ended up with an ear infection and am being treated with antibiotics.

Two days ago, I noticed that although my stuffy nose was clearing up, I still couldn't smell anything. A sip of wine tasted like acetone, and my toddlers' dirty diapers, which I usually identify from afar by their odor, became imperceptible by scent. My nose is still running today but I'm breathing through it just fine. And I can't smell a thing.

I've looked up information on anosmia (loss of sense of smell) and found that colds and flu can cause this to happen - but from a stuffy nose, which I don't have. I called my doctor's office and the nurse their told me not to worry, but I was still stuffy this morning and am not now. I called a local ask-a-nurse hotline and they freaked the hell out.

I'd like to refrain from freaking for a bit but also would like more information. Has anyone heard of this happening and then going away? Or should I start selling off my perfume collection? (I was a BPAL collector before the kids came along.)

Why does a four-mile walk across the moor in the damp require two months' bed rest to recover?

the luke parker fiasco — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 01:40:37 -0800

NinteenthCenturyLiteratureFilter: Why do upper-class types in classic novels always seem so incredibly frail? I've long wondered about this, and a recent reading of Wuthering Heights brought the question to the forefront of my mind again. It seems like almost every character in that novel gets some kind of long, wasting illness, often incurable, filled with weakness and fever and confinement to bed for weeks or months. Sometimes it's from exposure, sometimes from emotional shock, and sometimes because they were "born frail". Other examples would be the profusion of fainting spells (though that can partially be explained by tight corsets, I'd imagine), and conditions such as 'nervous exhaustion' and 'brain fever'. This is obviously not confined to the aforementioned novel, as I've seen it in stories from Dickens to Doyle to Austen and Wilke and beyond.
What's the explanation for this? Were people just less healthy, or more fragile, back in the day? It seems much less common with the lower classes (again, in literature), so is this just a case of the wealthier types being melodramatic, or so accustomed to a sedate life that a relatively small thing could cause such an upset? I'd love to know, as this has baffled me since I was a child.

C. difficile help.

futureisunwritten — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 05:47:12 -0800

Questions about C. difficile (and dealing with illness). About three weeks ago, Mom had a root canal and was put on strong antibiotics. As a result, she ended up in the hospital with Clostridium difficile, which they treated with Flagyl. Gradually she was able to resume her normal daily activities again.

A few days ago, she started feeling sick again and went back to the emergency room. The doctors said the C. diff is back. She started taking another antibiotic (I'm pretty sure it's Vancocin because when we picked up her medication for her, I commented to Dad that at first glance I thought the label said "Vicodin").

Mom is obviously in terrible discomfort and she seems really worried. What can she do to help her situation? What can I do to help her? Is there any way I can cheer her up and make her more comfortable? She's pretty bummed right now. I'm also getting very worried about this and I don't have much experience dealing with sick people.

I'm also wondering about the short and long-term effects of this on her heatlh. Mom is 61. She has never been overweight, no major health issues, quit smoking 15+ years ago, eats well, and is under doctor supervision. You are not her doctor AskMe, but I hope you can help.

I have two friends; their parents are (separately) dying. How to help? Neither are in U.S./U.K./CAN.

taz — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 05:04:37 -0800

I would like to help my friends, if I can; two of them are individually dealing with incredibly stressful and sad health-related situations related to their parents. Friend one: I know her very well (via internet). Her father is dying, and it's end-stage, but it may take months and months. It's a terrible situation, because he's at home (as per his wish), and when he can speak, only says he wants to die. They have medical care, there's not a problem of money, but in terms of emotional pain and stress for her and her mother, it's dire. Their extended family live on another continent, and my friend's closest friends have all moved far away recently, so it's really just her and her mom dealing with this, essentially in isolation in terms of emotional support (and her mom is an expat, and I understand how this can be even more isolating and limiting). How can I help her? Are there any books that were valuable to you if you were any sort of similar situation? Is there an online forum that is high-quality, smart, helpful, warm, for people in this position? I doubt that there are support groups where she is, or much of that sort of help at all. (If you want to know what country, email or memail me, but I'm pretty sure it's not promising.)

My friend is a very smart, strong woman, career-successful in a highly sexist culture, so has an amazing amount of daily stress with her job, and must remain always calm, cool, always in control... which makes me worry about her even more, since now she has to also practice the same stoicism at home, day in and day out, and night after night. I know she can barely sleep, and there's no possibility of getting away from it. She can take time from the job, but she can't go away, and that would just leave her at home 24/7 with that special suffering.

Any advice about how to help very gratefully accepted.

Friend 2: I don't know so well, an internet acquaintance from a BB, and he might well be scamming, but I really don't think so. (2.5 years at that site* and always generous and giving as a poster; never talking about his personal/private stuff at all; never talking about money or any personal trouble at all. An on-topic friendly, helpful guy.)

His mother needs a transplant; he has most of the money, but lacks about $5,000 U.S. He appealed to the BB we both frequent, but of course the discussion was shut down. I told him to check out Modest Needs, after checking that they had "outside of U.S." and also "urgent health care" categories. But he told me that they do not extend their services to his country (India). Is there anything similar that he might look into? It just kills me that $5,000 might save his mom's life, though, yes, I realize that this is repeated a million times all over the world.

Don't worry about me, I don't have money to give away, but if there is any other sort of organization that vetts requests and makes it easy to donate (paypal), or any other options to check out, I'd like to tell him about it.

*: This BB is not metafilter or metachat; the person is not a metaverse person

What to do about a chronic dry cough?

schroedinger — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 16:43:20 -0800

I've had a chronic dry cough for going on two weeks now and two doctor's visits later it's not clearing up. Can anyone give ideas on what could possibly be causing this? About two weeks ago I came back from a weekend trip with a mild respiratory infection--a hacking cough with lots of mucus. No other symptoms, no fatigue or fever, no runny nose, nothing. A few days later, the mucus cleared up with no incident, but the cough has continued and even worsened. It's now a chronic dry cough that keeps me up at night and has given me fits so bad I've vomited a couple of times at the end of them.

I tried Robutussin, sleep aids, gargling with salt water, and tons of Throat Coat tea with honey and lemon. Earlier this week I saw two different doctors. The first I saw on Tuesday, he said it was a cold virus and prescribed Hycodan and antibiotics (?). The Hycodan allowed me to sleep deeply in between fits, but I woke up dizzy and with an awful hangover once the dizziness wore off. I haven't taken the antibiotics because the doctor called it a virus and I think he was giving them to me to shut me up.

On Wednesday, I saw the second one and she diagnosed bronchitis. She prescribed an inhaler (Ventolin) to control the fits and Promethazine-DM cough syrup (without codeine). Wednesday night it worked great. Thursday, it worked less great. Friday, I slept well in between fits but had just as many coughing fits as ever, and it took longer for them to stop. Today, the coughing fits are the most frequent they've ever been and are not responding to either medication. Additionally, I now have the sensation of something trickling down the back of my throat that's making me feel like I'm on the verge of choking.

The medications are getting less effective, the cough is not getting better. I'm planning on calling the second doctor but I don't know how soon they'll be able to see me. I don't have insurance so the emergency room is not an option.

I have never had allergies or anything like that. I still don't have any other symptoms. I work in a warehouse so my job is pretty dusty, I'm thinking that may not be helping things but I wore a dust mask today and it didn't seem to help.

Does anyone have any ideas on what could be going on?

What's Going Around?

jragon — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 10:43:06 -0800

I thought I had heard of a website that tracks current viruses, called What's Going Around or something similar. I'm finding tons of local tv stations with special pages for their community, but nothing that ties them all together into one website. Anyone know of a site like this?

Help me to help my ill brother

Avenger — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:35:26 -0800

My introverted 19 year old little brother just confessed to me that he "hears voices" (telling him to hurt and kill people) and that he "sees things that aren't there". Help me find some resources to help him. You can read more about my brother here. This all started with an argument we were having about alcohol. He's been drinking heavily lately and we got in a fight over it. He ended up telling me that he "feels good when he drinks" because it helps to silence the voices and keeps him from feeling uncontrollable rage at the rest of humanity. This is totally new to me. I've never even heard a hint of this from him before. He says it's new to him too, only showing up in the past year or so.

So, he needs help. The problem is that he's 19 years old, works odd jobs for 10 hours a week (making around $8 an hour), has no health insurance and otherwise has no resources. I'm looking around for local psychiatrists but it's obvious that without health insurance our family will be unable to afford more than a single doctor visit or two.

I live in Harris county, Texas. There is a Harris County Mental Health office but they seem to only serve people who have already been diagnosed with schizophrenia or major depression. Barring them, it seems that (ironically) his only other option to get affordable care is to commit a crime and get to see the jail psychiatrist.

Does anyone have an inkling of where I can even start with this? Help!

PS- we can't buy private health insurance for him because he has a major pre-existing condition (harrington-rod spinal fusion). Thx insurance co's!

I'm not an attention seeker, I'm depressed

Anonymous — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:48:20 -0800

Should I reveal my depression to my co-workers? I've struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life, and began taking meds and getting therapy a couple of years ago.

Throughout my life, I've always put on a happy face to hide my true self. This was partly due to a bad family situation and the shame I felt because of it. As a result, I'm outwardly gregarious, while I feel low down inside. There are times when I fall into a deep funk and withdraw into myself.

I see my psychiatrist twice a month, and haven't told my co-workers why I take an afternoon off every couple of weeks. I keep getting asked why I take time off, but always deflect these questions by saying its a private matter.

Last week, I was in one of my funks and was keeping to myself, which runs counter to my usual habit of going around and talking to everyone. Today, my boss was joking around and said that she and my other co-workers found my moping last week to be very unpleasant and that they thought I was faking to get attention.

I feel bad now because people don't know my internal struggle. I laughed off what my boss said, but it hurt. For so long, I thought my condition was something for weak or damaged people. My boss bringing up the possibility of my faking mopiness brought up some bad feelings.

So, I'm wondering whether I should reveal that I'm seeing a psychiatrist and my struggles with depression. I don't want people to think I'm just trying to get attention when I'm really in a funk. I'm really confused as to what to do.

Any help is much appreciated.

Brrrrrr.

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:41:55 -0800

Is my perception of being increasingly freezing cold a sign of something wrong with me? I've always been colder than most other people, but lately it's been increasing to the point that I am starting to wonder if I have some underlying illness. I realize you are not my doctor, I should go to my doctor, etc... but I am just hoping to be better prepared with information when I do see him.

I am a woman, 35, normal weight (BMI 20), healthy diet. I don't exercise as often as I would like but walk around quite a bit. I have been fairly stressed out lately, FWIW.

I am pretty sure I have Reynauds (never formally diagnosed) which I am aware will affect my extremities. But this goes beyond that. For example, the other night I went to bed, it was about 60 degrees in the house, and I was freezing in flannel PJs under three blankets... I had to get up and put on another layer of fleece on top of the PJs. It seems like I feel colder than I remember ever feeling in the spring. Even when it's 75 degrees I need to put on a sweater, especially in the shade.

Any thoughts?

I just want him back.

notquitemaryann — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:35:17 -0800

Oh joy, it's another cat piss question! Sort of. Please share your experiences with cat perineal urethrostomy (PU) surgery, or other advanced treatments for urinary blockages. I'm probably going to make a decision in the next few days about whether to have this performed on my 13-year-old boy, and really need to hear about costs, complications, and how your cat is doing now. I even answered this question, which has some of what I'm looking for, but please hit me with anything else you have.

Background, if you want it:

My cat has been on a prescription diet of Royal Canin Urinary SO (dry) for the past 3-4 years, ever since an apparent bladder infection that cleared up with antibiotics. I eventually stopped giving him most treats/scraps, and the condition seemed to be under control.

And then there was a period a couple of months ago where I could, quite literally, barely afford to feed myself, much less him. So I was living off eggs, he was living off $4 Meow Mix or whatever*, and things seemed fine. As soon as I had the money, I went and bought him a big bag of his prescription food. Over my birthday at the beginning of May, I went to stay with my parents for a few days, took him along, and he received a fair number of table scraps.* A day after I brought him home, he very quickly became very sick- straining to pee, vomiting from the straining, bloody urine, extreme lethargy, and trembling from pain. I rushed him to the vet where they cathed him, put him on pain meds, an antibiotic, and a smooth muscle dilator. Labs were still good, and vet didn't believe he was suffering from kidney disease. He passed several bladder stones while at the vet's, stayed three days, and came home peeing fine. All was well for about two weeks.

Then I discovered him straining and grunting again. After he vomited once, he stopped eating. No blood in the urine, no lethargy, just pain and inability to pee. Went back to the vet's yesterday for another catheter, which they removed this morning. There was a big "sandy" plug of mucus and crystals blocking him, which they got out. But he still hasn't peed on his own, so he's spending another night. The vet will be calling me tomorrow morning. I get the feeling that because she knows I'm not well-off, she's not pushing the idea of surgery, but instead would prescribe some combination of ongoing medication.

While I was in the waiting room yesterday, a woman tried to "comfort" me by describing how her cat had the surgery for $3000. I'm willing to travel if there's a chance of getting it done for less. This is an animal that is otherwise very healthy- good bloodwork, good teeth, a little arthritis in the hips that showed up on his x-rays, but doesn't prevent him from jumping, and he is happy and friendly and playful. His quality of life, when this condition is managed, is great. So even though the expense is likely to hurt me pretty badly, it seems worth it to both of us. What can you tell me?

*Correct: on top of everything, I fully blame myself for possibly killing my cat.