Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with identity

keeping my life off of Facebook while refusing to be a part of it?

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:38:27 -0800

As a Facebook refuser (I've never signed up, never will) is there a best way to monitor any photos or writings that may be linked to my (quite rare) real name? I have a very unique last name, and my combination of $firstname $lastname is shared by fewer than a dozen people in the US, and I'm the only one in my State with this combination.

I don't have any mortal enemies or more/worse skeletons in the closet than the average person my age, but I like to control what is tied to my name, and I'd be pretty pissed off if there was something floating in facebook that I was unaware of that I don't want anyone with a keyboard seeing. At least with Flickr I can search public photos and tags.

I'm not losing any sleep over this, but *other than* signing up for an account, is there anything else I can do? I have a few friends that I guess I could ask to look for me, but does that seem weird? Can photos on FaceBook only be tagged with names that are linked to other FB accounts?

Do people really change?

elektrotechnicus — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:01:56 -0800

I'm looking for figures on will-power. How many people who try to lose weight, quit smoking, kick an addiction, start exercising, etc. will be successful (particularly long term)? In other words, I'm looking for experimental or population studies on how often people are able to change their behavior in significant ways when they resolve to do so. Well supported anecdotal data about large groups ("vietnam vets were(n't) largely able to quit heroin on coming home") is only slightly less appreciated.

Junior High isn't easy if you're an Adolf

jepler — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:16:05 -0800

I'm looking for writings about experiences that arise from having a name similar to a famous individual. Online sources preferred, but a trip to the library would be OK.

Serial monogamist goes solo...

blackcatcuriouser — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:54:57 -0800

How can I become ok - content, even - with being alone? About nine months ago, I broke off a serious relationship of several years. Before that one, I was with someone for four years. I've had a boyfriend for as long as I can remember, with very little in-between alone time. I have minimal contact with my exes and am generally quite happy to be out of those relationships. I like being single. I acknowledge that after years and years of being a devoted girlfriend and spending way too much time putting someone else's needs above my own, I need to be on my own for awhile.

I'm a single female in my 20s, living in a big city, a graduate student, working full time. I have some solid, close friendships, lots of acquaintances, and overall a good, stable life. My family is far away, so I rely a lot on my friends for companionship and socialization...but my friends also have their own lives - demanding jobs, busy schedules, boyfriends, husbands, etc. I see them pretty regularly on weekends, but I often find weeknights to be very lonely. I come home from work, make myself dinner, maybe have a glass of wine (depending on how stressful that day was), do some homework, sometimes go to the gym or a pilates class. Throw some tv/music into the mix and that's pretty much my night. And really, the evening I just described is perfectly relaxing and fine. But it's lonely. I often crave company, especially that of a male. It's not even a sexual thing (though, I could certainly use some of that...)

I've dated around a little bit, which was a nice distraction and kept me busy a couple of nights a week, but I'm not looking for a boyfriend and I certainly don't want to date someone just for the sake of having someone, anyone. I want to get comfortable focusing on me. I don't want to feel like I need someone else, because I really don't. I want to be content with just being me, myself, and I for awhile. How do you become ok with being alone?

How many documents does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of my identity?

eatcake — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 08:00:11 -0800

I'm in the process of signing up for PenFed account and it seems like they are asking for a lot of documentation to establish my identity. Is this usual for them? Or am I just being paranoid? I applied online and when I called to set up my PIN number we went through the identification process whereby the CSR asked me about 10-12 questions about stuff on my credit history that only I would know. So great...that part is done. "Call back in 2-3 hours to get your PIN."

I called again today and the woman tells me they need even more documentation to confirm my identity. This time a copy of my driver's license, utility bill with name and address on it and a copy of my social security card, all notarized. Do they really need a copy of my social security card? Am I asking for trouble by making that available to people? Does anyone have a similar experience with PenFed and their processes?

Thanks in advance.

Help me, uh, go Dutch!

embrangled — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 05:22:16 -0800

I'm half Dutch, but I've never been to The Netherlands. On my first trip there, where should I go, and what should I do, to get a better understanding of contemporary Dutch culture and language? Second-generation-immigrant-filter: So, I grew up eating hagelslag and hutspot, but my knowledge of Dutch culture is limited; cobbled together from the stories of ageing relatives who left in the 1950s, and the clogs-and-windmills kitsch one sees in postcards. I can comprehend basic Dutch conversations, but I struggle to speak back unless strings of the conversation calls for strings of profanity or words for food.

If I visit the Netherlands in November, where should I go and what should I do to remedy some of this, and get a better understanding of what it's like to be Dutch today? How can I meet other young people, practise speaking Dutch, encounter Dutch multiculturalism, enjoy dry Dutch humour, and generally come away feeling a bit more Dutch than when I arrived?

Previously, but not quite the same: 1, 2, 3.

I can't believe I can't do this!

Pennyblack — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 11:15:42 -0800

What can some people do that other people can't do? What can some see that others can't? Think: Tongue rolling.
I'm looking for some simple, fun party tricks for showing neurological, psychological or physiological differences in people.
I know of a few for showing gender differences (bending chair lifting) and determining left or right brained (lining up a finger on a straight wall and alternating open eyes), but that's about it.
This is for a teen group, so no UR Gay (crazy, retarded...) pseudo psychological stuff. I just want to show that people have differences, and that is a FUN thing.

Is my identity being stolen?

sesquipedalia — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:58:51 -0800

Is this odd cell phone phishing or normal wrong number? Just got a call on my cell from a number I didn't recognize, and picked it up on the chance it was something real. The person at the other end asked for me (by first name only, I think) and said "this is so-and-so with IslandOne" and waited expectantly. I had no idea what that was and said so.

She seemed nonplussed and said that this must be a wrong number, then made as if to hang up. I said "you knew my name, so this might not be a wrong number; what is this in relation to?" She (still seemingly nonplussed) said something absurd like "car wash" and hung up.

I Googled IslandOne and found a resort company in Florida, the same area code as the mystery call. However, a reverse lookup indicates the number is a cell, which seems odd to use for official business.

I tried calling the number back (from a work phone, which is a different area code from mine altogether) and it goes right to a generic voicemailbox. Also very odd.

So now some random person in Florida knows my (first at least) name and cell number. Could this call have been some odd means of phishing for this info before using this for some kind of identity theft thing? Or might the person be legit and someone with my first name is trying to do business with them using my cell number? If so, why would this person be so strange on the phone when it was clear the I wasn't the person who gave them the number?

What do you think I can/should do to figure out what's going on here? Any precautionary measures perhaps?

I won't include the number in the message lest the owner Google on it, but if it helps I can provide it via mail or something.

Thanks for helping to resolve this weirdness!

Something's been bugging me...

fearnothing — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:25:30 -0800

WeirdBugFilter: What is this bug? Entymologists please help! These things have periodically wandered through my ground-floor bathroom and main room. The first time I saw one I thought it was one of those little plastic toy insects, and then it started moving which was slightly disturbing. The closest candidate I can come up with is the stink beetle but this species is native to the deserts of northern Mexico, whereas I am in chilly, damp northern England. Furthermore, it has never displayed any behaviour like that of the stink beetle despite my ignorant prods and pokes.

More images of this curious creepy crawly might help you identify it from its feelers or thorax or abdomen shape.

Identity Theft Sure Does Suck.

mockjovial — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 07:51:26 -0800

Help me help my fiancé recover from identity theft. (Please?) ....question about identify theft....sorry for the somewhat lengthy setup. Thanks in advance for your advice!

Backstory:
I am getting married next year in June (yay!) As my wife to be and I have moved ahead with planning for the big event, we also have been seriously considering the purchase of a home.
We are both in our mid 20s and live in Chicagoland. I have finished college and am employed full time in a relatively stable industry. She works part time and is a full time graduate student.

We both checked our credit reports this week to be sure that everything was in order. Thankfully, mine came back just fine without any errors or problems.

...not so much for the fiancé.
We were shocked and horrified to discover last night that over 20 accounts she was not aware of and did not open were listed on her report. In all, just over $10,000 in charges between various retail stores, and a credit card or two.

To make matters worse, almost all of them are now listed as 'charged off' / 'in collections', and various collections firms also show up on her report.

Oddly, the entire history of 'bad stuff' goes back about 3 years, but she has not received one call from a collector or received any odd bills in the mail, even though her correct contact information is listed on the credit report.

She is extremely responsible with her finances and always pays her bills on time. There are 4 accounts 'in good standing' that we know to actually be hers.

We have only seen 2 out of 3 reports so far, because we were not able to gain access to the third one online. For the third report (Transunion), we aren't able to get past the identity verification step because it asks for the last 4 digits of certain account numbers, but the accounts they are asking about are ones she didn't open, so she doesn't know the numbers and therefore can't verify her identity. (Unfortunately, the account numbers are not listed on the other 2 reports.) We will be calling Transunion to get that third report.

We immediately contacted Equifax and had them add a fraud flag to her report. They will then contact Transunion and Experian on our behalf to get flags set up with them too. Hopefully that will begin to stop the bleeding by preventing most types of new accounts from being opened. What it will not do is stop currently open accounts from being used, so that needs to be addressed next.

This FTC: website has been very helpful so far.

We will be getting copies of the credit reports, identifying the fraudulent accounts, filing a complaint with the FTC, filing a police report, and then using the form letters on the site to request the account information / application information from the various retailers/credit card companies with the questionable accounts. From there, we can provide our police report and documentation to the security/fraud departments of the various retailers and credit card companies to get the accounts closed. We can then send our Identity Theft Report to the credit reporting agencies to try to get the items removed. Hopefully.

Thankfully, my credit report is just fine and my FICO score is in the top possible bracket....on my own, with MY income and OUR down payment, I should not have a problem qualifying for the mortgage we need. I should be able to move forward with the home buying process using only my name and credit while we work on getting this disaster cleaned up, so all is not lost.

Questions:
I know that YANML, et. al.....just looking for some opinions. Here is what I'd love to know:

- Has this happened to you or anyone you know? What was the process of fixing the mess really like? How long did it take? Any advice? Is this too big of a problem to realistically tackle ourselves, and if so, are there any firms you know of that can help?

- Should I only be contacting the original retailer(s) about the fraud? (Meaning ignore the collectors). I know from previous questions here how evil they can be.

- When we get married, can I be held responsible for any of this fraudulent debt if for some reason it is not resolved through the above process? Will my own credit be damaged? How can I avoid being held accountable for it if it comes to that?

- When we placed the credit flag last night, Equifax immediately tried to sell us their credit monitoring service for $14/month. That felt slimy. Does anyone have any experience with it? Is it worth it?

- Is there anything else I should be asking?

Thanks for humoring me. I think I used up my questing asking privileges for like 6 months with this one.

Arts and Cultural Appropriation

divabat — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 20:19:50 -0800

How have issues of cultural appropriation, stereotypes, and diversity been tackled in art and popular culture? I'm in the early stages of working on a performance piece on cultural appropriation and identity in the arts, and I'm looking for inspiration from others that have done the same. So far I am only familiar with Guillermo Gómez-Peña and his Living Museum of Fetish/ized Identities, and the SF/fantasy RaceFail debacle.

I am especially interested in these issues as they occur in burlesque, circus, and theatre, since that's what I'm working with, but any creative field would be good too.

dealing with misdirected email

advil — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 13:59:42 -0800

Misdirected emails -- what to do about them, and can they have any impact on me beyond annoyance? Being moderately early in the game, I have mylastname @ gmail. One consequence I didn't anticipate when signing up for this address is that I get a certain amount of misdirected email when people meant to put an initial before my last name. Because the name isn't too common, most of this I can easily ignore or reply to, depending on how important it seems to the recipient (though if anyone has a clever suggestion about how to make this stop, I'd welcome it).

A new twist on this recently occurred, however. Someone used this email to sign up for 9 or so "free trial" type accounts in places ranging in legit-ness from netflix/emusic, to "the income accelerator" and "dealmax". (I'm leaving links out on purpose because these places seem pretty shady.) Included in some of the emails is language such as "The e-mail address that you entered when you enrolled (MYLASTNAME@GMAIL.COM) is your electronic signature and constitutes your written authorization to debit your account." The person's first name and other identifying information are consistent across all these emails.

My question is two-fold: (i) should I do anything about this, and similar situations that might happen, in terms of trying to contact this person? I don't have an email address but I can see what seems to be the right facebook account (based on the identifying information in these emails), and I even have a phone number from one of them. (ii) How can I ensure that I never, ever have a business relation with the more shady of these organizations? Is it safe to just ignore this? Presumably if they have any bank/cc information it is this other person, and they have no way to get mine. Ideally I would like to never even get emails from these organizations, though, and never appear on their radar in my actual identity. This "dealmax" thing in particular has a definite reputation on the internet for unauthorized bank/cc charges.

Best British Brand Builder

ruelle — Mon, 25 May 2009 03:42:24 -0800

Please recommend 8-10 British design agencies known for their stellar brand identity book (work) especially for conservative entities such as solicitors. Many thanks. What should I be looking for in choosing a design agency?
How is brand identity work quoted?
What kind of service should I expect from the chosen agency?
As the client, what can I provide/do to make this process as efficient as possible?

The work would not be about creating a new image but in unifying an existing corporate ID (ie: making sure the adverts look like the business cards look like the stationery).
If we like the results, we may consider a long-term relationship. ie: brochures, website design by the same team.

Any suggestions how to go about this?

I am god for a short time, but then I'm toast.

allthewhile — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:42:16 -0800

I am trying to think of all possible popular cultural references to the following event: Person finds him or herself in a foreign land and is mistaken for the local/regional god. I can only think of two times when this happens but I know it happens quite a bit more in tv/fiction/movies etc. 1. Joe vs. the Volcano

2. Pirates of the Caribbean 2

Yes I know I'm uncultured.

Go hive mind go!

Possible identity theft?

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:52:56 -0800

My application to a short course at a university never arrived. Are there any steps I should take to avoid possible identity theft? After a month of waiting around with no response from the university, I called them; they never received my application, though I had sent it by mail more than a month ago. Since the university's admissions dept. is undergoing a "massive restructuring," it's quite possible that it got lost somewhere in the building.

But: my application included a photocopy of my birth certificate, my social insurance number, and a cheque for the registration fee. I'm a little worried about what has happened to this stuff. Idiotically, I neither tracked my application in the mail nor wrote down which cheque I had sent to the admissions office (so, I can't put a stop on it).

Is there anything I can do to prevent possible identity theft? Or am I just going to have to cross my fingers and hope that my stuff has fallen into the wrong hands? So far, nothing strange has happened with my bank account and there is no indication that my info is being used in any nefarious way.

Thanks in advance.

Identity, as reflected in fiction

TheLittlestRobot — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:04:36 -0800

Navel-gazing via literature: Tell me (arts-inclined new physician in an introspective mood) about novels or other literary works that deal with changes in personal identity, the processes which shape who we become, and the conflicts which arise along the way. So in order to graduate from my residency program, I need to present a research project. I'm getting back to my humanities roots, and exploring (from a very personal, non-scientific point of view) medical training and the changes it produces in the trainee's sense of self. For the sake of background, most of the stereotypes are true: we start out young, idealistic and unformed, and through the application of countless sleepless nights and the constant fear of accidentally killing someone, we become . . . well, some version of a physician, with all the stereotypes and cultural implications of that title. Due in part to medical training's "fake it till you make it" culture, the changes aren't always smooth, and I don't think I'm the only one who has wondered where their old, sometimes dysfunctional, non-doctor-y quirks have gone, and whether they might later come back in unexpected ways.

Lots has been written about this in medical and sociological journals, but it occurs to me that this whole transformation thing is not at all unique to doctors . . . in fact, would it be unfair to say that nearly *every* good book deals in some way with issues of identity and transformation? Tell me which ones have particularly affected you, and how they changed your thinking about who you (or others) are.

[Full disclosure: excerpts from your selected books may appear in my (likely never-to-be-published) research paper, but you are not a research subject, and I will not quote you directly; this is more a brainstorming session to open my eyes to a literary world that I’ve been missing lately.]

Why/how do people cultivate mystique through Facebook profiles?

GIMG — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 08:53:40 -0800

Why/how do people cultivate mystique through Facebook profiles? So I see a lot of profiles on Facebook, MySpace, etc. that have aspects that I don't seem to communicate much of anything at all to me. For instance, here are a couple responses to "Religion" on Facebook:

*it's not as bleak as it seems (death-bed conversion)
*Rainbow Hearts, The Slicer
*Historical Materialism? Doesn't matter, all the cool kids are in hell.

My question is why? It seems like this phenomenon could be (a) obscure references to people 'in the know'; (b) simply an attempt to be unique; (c) a subversion of the identity that the profile format ascribes; or, what I'm interested in, (d) mystification of the self, i.e. attempting to NOT be understood as a way to cultivate mystique.

Obscure references could accomplish this - but there is obscurity for the purposes of signaling to the elite and there is obscurity solely to not be understood.

Should I change my name?

Anonymous — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:01:37 -0800

In eight years, I'm still not used to my married name. I love my husband, and I'm happily married, but I can't seem to get used to his (now our) last name. I had qualms before getting married about changing my name (from my relatively ho-hum but easy surname to his long, difficult-to-pronounce-but-entirely-respectable name), but I stifled them after my family (and a couple of his relatives) showed surprise and some disapproval when it got out that I was thinking of keeping my name (yup, I had a pretty conservative upbringing). I chickened out, and I regret that. Since then I've gone on to establish a very modest reputation (mostly through work and a little bit of publishing) with the new name, but it still doesn't feel like me. Even after all this time, I'm still self-conscious about it, and I find myself kind of envious of people with elegant, less obtrusive names and generally thinking fondly about my former name. I happen to be a 'word person' --really conscious of language-- so I may be making way too big a deal about this.

I should stress that my married name is nothing to be ashamed of (even though most people find it really hard to say or spell), yet I can't seem to resign myself to it. Maybe when we have kids I'll feel differently?

Has anyone had this sort of situation? Should I just get on with life and stop being so ridiculous?

Can I lend someone my debit card?

hAndrew — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 21:50:43 -0800

Can I lend my girlfriend my debit card? She is visiting from overseas and might want to go buy groceries or stuff while I'm at work. We don't have a bunch of cash to hand nor any great desire to visit an ATM and withdraw some. Can I just lend her my debit card and tell her the PIN? It has my name on it, and it's pretty obviously not her name...

I thought I was the only one who thought I was the only one...

phrontist — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:50:14 -0800

Is there a term for that feeling when you realize someone else notices (or notices in a particular way) something you had never thought of anyone else paying attention to, or viewing similarly? This American Life (the radio show) is a good example of that feeling... kind of "Oh man, I can't believe other people feel that way or notice that" (David Sedaris aims for this, and whether you find him funny seems to depend on whether you react this way to him). This thread, and askmefi in general, is also good example. The humor of many of the Cohen brother's films, in particular The Big Lebowski, seems largely derived from this. Walter, in that film, is not just amusing as an imagined person, but because the coen brothers seem to be saying "isn't it funny how some people are like this". Another example would be when you learn a new word for something you'd never considered other people considering - I felt this way about "phosphenes". Ya know what I mean?

How to keep thieves from using fraud to steal from you

blueberry — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:33:19 -0800

A question about someone impersonating my uncle to steal money from his checking account, and how to guard against future attacks. Late this summer, someone went to my uncles local bank and wrote a counter-check for a couple of hundred dollars from his checking account. Seeing that it worked fine, later that day the thief came back and wrote another counter-check for a couple thousand.

My uncle didn't notice until he was going over his bank statements a couple of weeks later.

Apparently, the person who stole the money had his account number and a driver's license with his name (and maybe license number—if the bank checks that) on it. My uncle still has his driver's license so obviously the license they showed was a fake.

Once my uncle found out, he went in to the bank and filled out the necessary paperwork so that he would get his money back. He also closed the account and opened a new one with (obviously) a different account number.

So he's getting a new account number, a new debit card, and new checks (which he's having sent to his branch for pickup). He also asked the teller to put a "codeword" on his account, the thought being that if someone came in, they'd need this codeword to take anything out.

He went to the DMV telling them that someone was going around with a fake version of his license and he wanted to get a new one. He was told that the DMV doesn't do that. The DMV did suggest that he file a report with the police, but it was unclear whether this would help him get a new license or if they were just saying that he should go to the police in general.

He did go to the police, and he filled out a report. The person who helped him there said that usually when something like this happens, the person takes out some cash and then skips town.
(I guess the idea being that it's easier for these people to take cash on one day and get away, rather than get overly greedy, staying days at the trough, and get caught)

A few days ago my uncle tried to open up a new account at a department store and was told he was unable to do so—so it sounds like his name is "flagged" or something (which sounds like a good thing).

As far as his checking account number, my thinking is that anyone who's ever seen or gotten one of his checks could have that.

As far as the license info, the only thing he could think of was that he gets his house cleaned every so often and someone could've gotten it then.

So, here are my questions:

- What have we not thought of that would lower/keep this from happening in the future?

- Can banks really put a rock-solid "codeword" on an account, or was that the teller just patting him on the head?

- If someone comes into a bank without a bank card, but with the account number and a driver's license, does the bank just check the name and photo on the license or do they actually check the driver's license number against the one on file as well? The answer to this might give us a better idea as to whether the thief had my uncles correct license number on their fake license.

- In a situation like this, can my uncle get a new (Oregon) driver's license number?

- The bank says that they don't have cameras that would allow them to go back and look at the thief—my guess is that they do, but they would rather just cut a check for a couple of thousand bucks (or fill out the paperwork for their insurance) and be done with it. I know my bank (Wells Fargo) has a camera at every window, (what kind of bank says they don't have cameras—First National Bank of Honor System?) Is there a way, perhaps with the help of the police report, to insist that the bank actually go back through their footage that day for those 20 minutes? It would be great piece of mind to my uncle to know "Yeah I recognize that guy!" as opposed to wondering every time he gives someone a check.

- Is there a way for him to put some "hoops" on his info (like the codeword at the bank) so that withdrawls/loans/new-credit-cards can't be signed up in his name?

Thanks in advance

Wallet & phone stolen. Now what?

media_itoku — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 20:18:42 -0800

Help me make sure I don't get scammed after having my wallet and phone stolen. What am I missing? OK, so I had my wallet and iPhone stolen. So far I've:
- called all credit card agencies (the cards had been used several times in the 3 hours since they were taken, all at gas stations and grocery stores)
- had my credit file flagged with TransUnion, who will be passing it on to Experian and whatever-the-other-one-is
- called my bank and suspended my checking account, since my checkbook was also in there

vis-a-vis iPhone, I've
- suspended my AT&T account
- changed my iTunes password
- changed my email passwords

Tomorrow I will
- call health insurance company to make sure nobody scams my insurance
- call the DMV to get a replacement drivers' license.

Complicating matters: I am 4 hours away from home & will have to drive through the mountains with no credit card, no drivers license and no phone. Aagh!

So, the questions:
- am I forgetting anything that will compromise security on my iPhone?
- I have a sneaking suspicion my SS card was in there too - is there anything else I should do now that I've put a freeze on my credit reports?
- I have $40 in cash, $20 to go in gas. What are the chances I can walk into AT&T tomorrow morning and get a new phone? (Feel free to laugh)
- should I call Apple? I have Applecare but it doesn't cover theft and neither does my contents insurance.
- am I forgetting anything obvious that will expose me to identity theft and general misery?

Who is it? in the Arts

lockedroomguy — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 13:29:17 -0800

I'm looking for fictional stories (books, movies, short stories, plays, comic books, TV shows, etc) which involve a search for the identity of a mysterious person. For example, in the movie The Usual Suspects, everyone wants to know who Keyser Soze is.

As a NON-example, in the movie The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy meets and finds out who the Wizard of Oz is, but that's not part of her quest--she needed his help, but didn't really care who he was, and his actual identity isn't really important.

As another NON-example, any mystery where people are trying to find out "whodunit" would not qualify.

Star Wars does not count because no one is trying to find out who Darth Vader is.

As another good example, in The Fugitive, Kimble is trying to find the one-armed man, and his real identity, so that would qualify.

The Lone Ranger- "Who was that masked man?" - would not qualify because we know who the Lone Ranger is. Same for Superman, Batman and most other comic book heroes with secret identities.

The Scarlet Pimpernel would qualify because we do not know his identity at the beginning of the book.

So my starter list is:

The Usual Suspects
The Fugitive
The Scarlet Pimpernel
Who is Harry Kellerman and Why is he etc etc.

No spoilers please, because that would be spoiling.

Stolen?

A189Nut — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:25:49 -0800

Identity theft? Today I found on my on-line bank statement a payment dated today for "DRI Xilisoft Audio Con" which I presume is a purchase of audio conversion software from a company called Xilisoft - the web reveals a legit company by that name.

Only problem is I haven't bought any such thing on-line.

Identity theft?

Odd that it should be for £19.99 only. Odder equally that nothing they sell (which is in USD $) works out as £19.99.

I have emailed them and will talk to my bank in the morning - surprisingly there is no 24 hr line for this - and change my account numbers, etc. but this does perplex.

I would have expected money to be cleared out if an identity theft, not a purchase made for an odd bit of software. Mis-transcribed card number by the company? Slow burn fraud? I have checked and I don't have the software, haven't bought anything on a card which after a month clicks into real payments or the like. I buy a lot on-line, so not impossible that somehow my number has leaked out, but as said, this is an odd evidence of it.

Anyone had this happen? With this company? With another?

One foot on the "right" side of the track, one foot on the "wrong" side of the track.

sixcolors — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:09:37 -0800

Socializing “across the tracks”. My father grew up poor, and is now working a blue-collar job. My mother grew up upper-middle class (except the first 8-9 years), went to college, and is working in a decent profession. Because of their backgrounds, they’re really different people. Being their daughter, I take on the characteristics of both. As a result, I cannot fully identify with neither middle-class or working-class (or even poor) people. Nor, am I fully accepted by either group. This is kind of “part-two” of last week’s question, I was not comfortable bringing this up. There were many many replies telling me to cool it on trying to find similarities when it came to dating prospects. There were also some questions asking me why I was so desperate to find things in common with people. The answer is, a few reasons, one of them being that I am trying to compensate for what I believe is a fundamental difference (and insecurity!) in the way I was raised and things I experienced in life. I come across some people who are like myself, they are “bi-class”. But, the majority of people I come across, fit way more neatly in one category or another. In other words, no matter which way I go, I will be “dating up” or “dating down”, or befriending up or down.

I read a book last summer called “Crossing the Tracks for Love”. It was a great book. It was very informative, and gave a lot of advice how to get along with a partner (and their family/friends) from another class. There was one problem I had with the book, a lot of the advice was kind of on the superficial side. It only offered “band-aid” solutions, like imitating your partner’s habits which were influenced by their upbringing. Well, that’s fine in short-term, but if that’s your only strategy, you will lose your own identity.

For those who have grown up like me, what did you do to put people with different economic backgrounds at ease, without completely changing yourself? This question also includes those who have came from only one “class”, but is dating someone of a different background. How did you guys wind up together?