Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with housing

I screwed up; what do I do now?

Anonymous — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 22:54:10 -0800

Oh boy... I've screwed up. I invited a woman to live with me. I am female, reasonably well-employed, decent income, have my own place, etc., and the invite had nothing to do with sex or a relationship of any kind. Things have already turned sour and I need some advice, a sane voice or two...
The invite had to do with her situation: she is a domestic violence victim and was living in a shelter. I came to know her b'c I volunteered with the Humane Society to act as a foster home for animals that the owner temporarily can't house (in this economy, pets are being abandoned/put down b'c the owners are losing their apartments/homes, etc.). "Know" is the wrong word - I met her a few times, learned about her situation and felt that maybe I could help her - she's in a position where she needs a hand. I tried to do some inquiring as to what sort of person she might be: she pretty much told me all the 'correct' answers (you know, clean, considerate, hard-working, just down on her luck currently).

When I extended the invite, I included that it wouldn't be free, that I'd expect her to pay a fair rent and utilities. A few days before she moved in, she stated that she (1) had nowhere else to go; (2) no family or close friends in the area; and (3) brings home less than $200/week (in the NYC area!). I should have said no, I know that now. I didn't. At my income, I wasn't concerned about the decrease in rent; I was just interested in helping her (and, honestly, in using the extra cash to pad some savings or pay for some travel). We agreed she'd pay $200/month, which covers the electricity and cable/internet. A 'fair' rent would be more along the lines of $600-$700/month.

Come move-in day, she arrives, says that she's completely out of the shelter and can't go back. (Even more is later revealed: she "no longer qualifies" for the DV shelter because her abuser wasn't and isn't a boyrfriend/husband. I'm fuzzy on that, but end result: no shelter is available to her other than a homeless shelter). A bit later, she says she has no money and can't give me anything towards the rent.

Then, the kicker: that same day, she buys cigarettes and two huge bottles of beer (40oz?). She then proceeds to smoke in the room (which we'd agreed she wouldn't do - I don't smoke and can't abide that stench) and to get drunk - drunk to the point that she was swaying while standing and slurring her words. She passed out on the couch with the TV and lights on.

I thought: "Okay, maybe she's feeling some freedom; the shelter was a religious/restrictive place..." That was Friday.

Saturday, Sunday, she worked and things were... okay. Not great. The smell of the cigarettes makes me sick and headachey but she didn't get ass-over-head drunk. She also didn't exactly motivate out the door towards work - turns out she works only 30 hours/week most weeks. Both Friday and Saturday nights, though, she failed to take her cat into her bedroom and close the door - resulting in a two am screaming cat wake-up call for me (that's explained a bit below).

Tonight, she got drunk again. Before she was completely drunk, I approached her about the rent. She hadn't made any mention of when she'd pay me, etc., but she had, once again, purchased beer and cigarettes. She admitted that she gets paid on Fridays and agreed that she would pay me weekly on Fridays, which I'm totally cool with her doing that. I also mentioned her drinking (she was already half/three-quarters of the way through another bottle of beer) and that it concerned me b'c I'm not cool with housing an alcoholic (I was a bit more eloquent face-to-face with her and broached it in terms of "I have a borderline issue with alcohol myself, I really don't want that sort of behavior in my home...blah,blah,blah"). She stated that she's 'careful' about her drinking because her parents had issues with alcoholism but that getting drunk, alone, on this past Friday night was just her way of releasing the stress of having lived in the restrictive shelter. She assured me that alcohol isn't an issue for her and that she doesn't get drunk often. I bought it.

During all of this and prior to her moving in, I've had issues with her cat attacking mine. Mine is an older female, roughly 7 or 8 pounds; hers is a middle aged male, roughly 20-22 pounds. When he goes after my cat, he can do damage. The situation has my cat stressed out but things are fine so long as the male is kept in a separate room when no one is around or when we're sleeping. When this woman moved in (actually, prior to her moving in; I've made no secret of the fact that I have a problem with her cat's behavior towards mine), I told her that her cat had to be kept in her room at night and whenever no one was home. She claimed to be fine with that.

About the room: I've had my place for a while (more than a year) and my bedroom happens to be the smallest in the house. It fits a queen bed, a small hope chest and, really, not much else (the bedroom is only for sleeping). The room I gave her is the largest. It can fit a queen bed, three large wardrobes, a chest of drawers, and still has room for a sitting area with a TV and chair. If there were a kitchenette and bathroom in there, it could be its own (small) apartment!

Tonight, as she continued drinking and proceeded to get drunk, again, a few things happened:

1) She told me that I'd have to tell her a date when I wanted her to start paying rent. She added, "Oh, and if it's this week, tell me how I can afford food, too." She laughed, but the tone was very snide.
2) She complained that I took a 30-minute bath. (The bath? I take one each night to relax me so I can sleep without sleeping pills).
3) While I was in the bath, her cat attacked mine, causing her to scream (so much for a relaxing bath). When I came out, I found that she had left her cat out of her room (the door was closed, she was in her bedroom but the cat was in the main living areas). She had also left the TV and all the lights on. I again told her that her cat must be kept in her room when there's no one around to separate him from my cat. A few minutes later, just as I'm crawling into bed, she came back (staggering and slurring) and said: "Well, how about you just keep your bedroom door closed?" (Implying, of course, that my cat should be the one separated). My bedroom isn't set up to keep a cat closed in it - there's no litterbox, no water, no food, plus: it's MY PLACE! Are you kidding me? I was momentarily stunned then replied that it was my place and that wasn't going to happen. She responded: "Well, your cat *is* the one on her last legs...I mean, why should [my cat] suffer?" I was (and still am) furious.
(4) With regard to her staggering drunkenness, I told her that this was the sort of thing I didn't want in my house; that getting drunk, alone, every once in a blue moon might be okay but that if it were to become a pattern, it wasn't acceptable. She answered back: "Oh, yeah? Well what about that empty wine bottle in the trash? Don't tell me *you* weren't drinking." I hadn't been: the wine bottle had been acting as a bud vase but the flowers were old and very dead so I tossed it. "Oh, sure."

She went to her room and started smoking, with the door open, all the lights in the rest of the place and the TV on. I went around, turned things off and shut her door (gods, that stench is everywhere now!) with her cat on the inside. I tried to sleep but my cat worried at me - she was pacing my bed and obviously stressed. A few minutes later, the male cat came in and attempted to attack her. Apparently the woman turned off her lights then opened her bedroom door (doing the reverse would have alerted me the door had opened because of the placement of the doors and my bed).

At the moment, I'm pretty angry. I'm already regretting my attempt at being altruistic and generous (no, this isn't the only generous thing I've done, but it certainly was the biggest). But if I kick her out... jesus, she has no where to go. I'm confused and torn about kicking her out because she's such a nice person and so agreeable when she's sober; drunk, though, I can't stand her.

So... my question is multiple:

(1) I have to kick her out, right? Do I have another option here?
(2) When I kick her out, how do I do this? She has keys to the place. Do I just switch out the doorlocks then tell her or give her a week to vacate?
(3) Do I have an obligation to help her find some other place to be?
(4) Any other general advice in regards to this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Please, don't harp on what an idiot I've been. I know: doing this was sheer stupidity.

Richmond, VA: help a new grad find his first apartment!

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 10:16:21 -0800

Richmond, VA: help a new grad find his first apartment! I am a new college graduate moving to Richmond, Virginia to start my first job. I just graduated this December and won't be able to actually visit Richmond to check out apartments before arriving to start my job. I am planning on lining up an apartment before I get there. The upside is that I will only be in Richmond for six months for a rotational assignment. Please avoid comments to tell me I should see the apartment I rest first--it's just not possible given my schedule and location.

My budget is < $1200 depending on the amenities, location, etc. The primary problem I am encountering is finding out information about particular apartments that the renter's don't want to advertise--railroad tracks, poorly insulated walls, noisy neighbors, unsafe location, terrible management. I have used apartmentratings.com and similar resources to find out about these complexes and the only one that gets an overall positive review is the Pouhlig Box Factory--which doesn't have six month leases, I checked.

I would love any comments about places to rent or avoid as well as areas to avoid. I like to go out and have a good time, but don't want my home to party-central because of my new responsibilities.

Thank you for the input!

Is it a scam, or a scam-not?

sandra_s — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:03:38 -0800

Thinking about using a "vacation rental" seen on craigslist for 4 days in NYC in January. Has anyone ever done this? I, along with three of my associates (four of us total), will be in NYC (SOHO area) for 5 business days in January. Its a working trip where after the work day meeting with clients, we will be working together late into the evenings preparing for presentations for the next day.

We initially looked at getting 4 hotel rooms ( 1 for each of us) and all meeting in one, but the price of 4 rooms is ri-dic-u-lous in manhattan. That, and they are small. 4 people meeting in one in the evenings just wont work.

We thought of getting 2 rooms which can accommodate 2 people each, which is more reasonable price wise, but even more cramped in space.

We then thought of maybe one suite in a hotel to basically fit all 4 of us, but those are prohibitively expensive, especially the ones where we can get work done.

The nature of our work, and discussions that will ensue, can not be performed in a public "office area"

Looking for options, a friend pointed me to the "Vacation Rental" section of craigslist. Lots of options there. Made a few inquiries.

One that responded is NOT a "too good to be true" situation. The price is comparable to getting a hotel for the 4 of us, but it does give us the space we need. They sent along the address, and a rental application/agreement, with pretty easy to understand terms. They accept payment only through PayPal, which actually made me feel better, since they weren't asking for a credit card number. The woman wrote in her message that they are local, and live in Connecticut, and included a fax number to fax the completed agreement to.

So, my question would be has anyone ever done this before, are there any questions I should be asking, and what would be red flags you can think of?

Thanks in advance!

shouldn't a vacant lot be buildable?

markhu — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:51:20 -0800

Are there un-buildable lots? I have read up on a similar question but that was about how expensive the known-to-be-buildable lots are. My question is if I see a lot listed that is "virgin" vacant never had a srtucture on it, how likely is it that no one could build on it? In my case, I found a vacant lot in a location I like up in the hills in Los Angeles, California, and would like to put an offer on it. But everyone keeps asking uncomfortable questions like, "is it buildable?", "is it on a fault line?", "are there utilities nearby?", "how deep is the bedrock?", "why hasn't anyone built there before?" and other such questions that it seems would take thou$ands to investigate.

Maybe my question should be, "if I find out I can't build, can I at least use it for picnicking and camping? Or build a little storage shed on it?"

How can I find & rent/buy a small plot of land in the UK?

refactored — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 11:42:46 -0800

Where can I find information about how to find and rent/buy a small plot of land in the UK? I'm keen to make a home for myself but with the financial crisis, sky-rocketting house prices, and lack of 100% mortgages things seem much harder than neccessary.

I've always had a dream of building my own micro-home -- the tiny houses that are suited to the builder's needs -- and after a preliminary costing it seems achieveable.

However, obtaining the land to build on is easily tripple the cost of the build!

Since micro-homes are tiny and are usually made from timber and other light-weight materials they could be considered semi-perminant, so leasing/renting land could be a suitable option. So could leasing a building's flat roof (with the added bonus of existing on-site utilities).

Google searches tend to be fruitless, so I'm wondering whether the hive-mind of askmefi can assist?

* if it helps, I'm looking for land in the Leeds/Harrogate areas of the UK

Can anyone recommend housing and car dealership in the Houghton/Hancock area of Michigan Upper Peninsula?

i2d2 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:56:42 -0800

Can anyone recommend housing and car dealership in the Houghton/Hancock area of Michigan Upper Peninsula? I am moving mid-December to the Houghton/Hancock area in the Upper Peninsula region of Michigan from Mississippi. Housing search has not been very fruitful so far. A lot of the apartment complexes or property management companies don't have information on the Internet, so I am stuck with very few posting that are online. I can see that there are a number of apartment complexes, but I don't know which one to begin with. Can anyone recommend any 1 bedroom apartments to rent for a single person?

Also, can anyone mention any car dealers to go to or to avoid for a good used car?

Oh give me land, lots of land under LA skies above...

rileyray3000 — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:48:29 -0800

Say I want to buy some cheap land in the Los Angeles area: where would I find such a listing online? Basically it's time to go from a renter to buyer. Only given that a nice two bedroom in Compton is still over 300K I think I want to go a different way.

I've been looking at some amazing pre-fab houses that are 100-150 all in and all up. Now all I need is a piece of property to put one on. So where do you look for that? Craigslist? Landhunter.com? Lotsoffun.net?

Required notice for vacating apartment?

mellifluous — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:30:51 -0800

Our apartment was damaged on Friday, and the whole floor needs to come out, possibly some of the drywall too. The property manager needs us to vacate, and remove all of our stuff, for an extended period of time (1-2 months). (Note that we have been dealing with the property manager, and to a lesser extent, the superintendent, and not our landlord.) How much notice is he legally required to give us? We live in Toronto. YANAL. Today, at about 6, our landlord emailed us, saying the property manager wanted us out of our unit by Wednesday. Which gives us less than 2 days to co-ordinate moving, storage, and new accommodation.

Our insurance company informed us that repairs wouldn't take place for at least another three weeks. Until just a few hours ago, the super + PM had given us absolutely no information on when we could expect them to begin. The two of them came by to inspect the damage twice just today, and said nothing about it.

As far as I can tell, this is completely unreasonable. But I can't seem to find any specific tenancy law it violates, perhaps because repairs rarely require tenants to leave for such a long period of time. I have seen by-laws, for example, that require 24 hours of written notice for repairs - and that's reasonable for something like "I need to repair your water-pipe," but not for something like "I need you, and all of your stuff, out for 2 months."

What can we do?

Short term housing in/near Worcester, MA

Tandem Affinity — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:31:32 -0800

I need short-term housing within 45 min drive of Worcester, MA. I'm open to apartment/hotel/hybrid suggestions, but right now, everything looks the same and I'm eager to hear others' experiences in the area. I will start a new job within a few weeks in Worcester, MA. My husband can't come along for a month or two, so as the worst case scenario, I figured I would just get a cheap hotel room for the time being and be on the lookout for better options.

Do you know of a better option? I see that there are short-term apartments available, but they all look sort of the same to me. If someone had had a really good experience somewhere, that would be nice to know (and bad experiences would also be helpful to hear about). I lived in Worcester several years ago and I guess I would prefer not to live right in the city...I never had much love for the city but I enjoy all the little towns surrounding. I like quiet a ton and would be willing to have to drive a little bit further/pay more/climb extra stairs/be a little inconvenient to drive to in order to obtain that quiet. I also need to feel safe though... It makes me think a high rise building with some thick walls (but still lots of people around) might be the best thing for me while I'm living alone. A place to park the car is another requirement..

As far as my price range, $50 per night would be about the max, but I'd pay it for a nice place, since this is so short term. Anything cheaper would be a bonus. Thanks for your help...

complex real estate cost benefit analysis needed

anonymous_account — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:51:46 -0800

Complex cost/benefit real estate question. We put our small, far suburban, now-overpriced house on the market two weeks ago. (Bought in '05.)

Because my wife has gotten a job, our income has doubled since buying our house, and we are saving $5k per month. However, her commute is lengthy, and we would like to move closer to the city, to lessen her commute, because now we can afford to, we know the target area better now, and we have friends in the city. Also, she may work more if we are closer, resulting in a higher income.

However, looking around at the other houses for sale in our area, I kind of doubt that our house will sell at the price which the realtor set for it, because there are nicer, bigger houses in better areas available for less or the same money. However, those are mostly foreclosures or short sales, which our realtor says takes a lot of time to buy, so maybe they are not that attractive to folks who are not real estate professionals.

We have $60k of our money in the bank and no debt except for our mortgage. We have $60k of my brother-in-law's money in the bank as seasoned assets, which he would like for us to use to buy the house. He is going to send $20k more soon. Later we could either pay him back, or he could continue to own part of our house (which I know is another big can of worms).

So what we will be faced with soon is: do we lower the price of our house (i.e., lose money on the house) in order to sell it? Although our house's price is depressed, the price of the house that we want to buy is also depressed. And I feel that we might be able to "save" more money on the purchase than we will lose on the sale...because the price of our house is only about 67% of the price of the type of house that we want to buy. We are not upside-down on the house --- our mortgage is 68% of the current asking price of our house.

What happens when you report an illegal rooming house in Toronto?

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:52:05 -0800

What is the likely result of reporting an illegal rooming house in Toronto? e.g. How often do they end up getting cleaned up, repaired, and properly licensed vs. shut down (whether by the inspectors or by an owner who doesn't want to bother fixing it up)?

Real Estate development in a nutshell

drea — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:38:47 -0800

I think I really, really want to get into developing real estate. Can anyone give me an overview description of what the work / process is is like? The thing is, I have no educational/professional background in real estate per se.

I want to start small and I know it will be a long while before I see my big hairy audacious goal realized. So what I want to know exactly is:

What books, articles do I read on basic strategies for real estate business development? Where do I get ideas for a business plan? What knowledge is within my reach for me to study? Where do I start looking?

Social housing (which is a big reason for my wanting to go into this), from the little that I know, is usually done by nonprofits and the government. Is providing that a commercially viable option? Can private companies survive while providing low-cost and public housing / has it been done?

What am I expected to reasonably accomplish every five years up to the twenty - year mark?

I know I have to start small, but where exactly does developing real estate start, and how does it grow, exactly? Where does my funding come from apart from loans?

So far, what I can see about the idea is to buy lots, develop houses, and then sell or rent them, use the profit to develop more houses, and so on until I gain momentum and a large portfolio. But it seems to me that it's like living hand-to-mouth, and given the recent financial crisis it doesn't seem like a good idea to just borrow a ton of money from the banks from the get-go.

I hope my questions makes sense. The idea fires me up and I want to start but I hope my lack of experience and knowledge doesn't cause me to stagnate/give up. I'm also really really young, but I'm looking at this as a way to give me a headstart in the business. Eventually, I hope the answers will give me what I need to start pursuing this goal. The answers might not be as in-depth as I'd like but I figure the hive mind can give me various points of view to assess.

Thank you very much.

Wants to work hunting scammers

CollectiveMind — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:39:53 -0800

Someone I know wants to find a job as the person who is portrays themselves as seeking housing or employment, and is either preferred or discriminated against because of their race, sex, age, etc. I would guess a job like this; someone who portrays an apartment or job seeker, might be offered by the state, or the feds or a reputable non-profit, but I don't know. They are even interested in starting out pretending to be a customer who is victimized by mortgage fraud or auto garage scams as part of an investigation. Does anybody know which agency to approach and what credentials she might need to get her foot in the door?

Housing for couple.

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 09:49:46 -0800

Disabled couple without children eligible for section 8 housing? My boyfriend is currently on disability and is living in section 8 housing, and my disability application is currently pending. Is it possible for us to qualify for section 8 together? The max monthly income we would make together should I be accepted and receive disability would be approximately $1500. Also if my disability isn't accepted would we still qualify with me not being able to work? I'm not exactly sure what the income requirements are by state for section 8. I know at the housing authority office they have a print out by state on income requirements, is that available anywhere online? My boyfriend is planning to call the housing authority office tomorrow to get a better understanding of things. Though any information we get here that could offer some clarity on our situation would be helpful and appreciated.

Do you have to pay taxes on money paid during a seller rent-back?

unclezeb — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 21:31:20 -0800

You buy a house in California. You agree that the seller can stay up to 2 months after escrow closes (a "seller rent-back") if they make your (PITI) payments. Do you need to pay income taxes on the money they pay toward your PITI? Also, what was your "seller rent-back" experience? We are buying a house in California. The sellers (who are very nice) want the option to rent the house beyond closing while they look for a house to buy (e.g., a seller rent-back or Residential Lease After Sale [RLAS] agreement) for up to 2 months. If they stay beyond escrow, they will pay our PITI, say $100/day for the sake of convenient calculations.

Suppose they stay 20 days and pay $2000 toward our PITI during that time.

Is that $2000 considered our income for tax purposes? In other words, would we (in the 25% federal and 9% state tax brackets) need to pay taxes on that $2000, effectively reducing it by one-third?

I understand we can deduct our interest and mortgage insurance payments from our taxes, does that mean this comes out in the wash?

What was your experience with a "rent-back" or a Residential Lease After Sale agreement?

To squat or not?

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 19:09:06 -0800

I am considering renting out an artist's studio space and squatting in it temporarily, does anyone have any experience in this? Good idea, bad idea? So, I have been staying at a friends place in Chicago for the past few months and am ready to move out. Only problem is finding a good roommate/apartment combination hasn't quite happened yet. Because of this I am considering getting artist's studio space to move all of my stuff into and sleep in while I keep looking for a proper apartment. This could really be an ideal situation for me, because having studio space is really more of a concern to me than having a swanky apartment and most of the time I would actually use the space for art making etc. I figure in the future, if I find a better apartment situation I can just share my studio space with someone else to help offset the cost.

I have an older friend who has managed to squat in her studio in NYC for years and years, even after getting married for a while, so it seems like something I could manage. What I am more curious about are peoples experiences trying to do this in Chicago, and what the worst legal ramifications would be if I was found out. How do landlords even check for this or prove it if they are suspicious?

Thanks in advance.

Can we afford this $445,000 house? How can you tell?

Anonymous — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:16:38 -0800

Can we afford this house in California (just an example)? What "rules of thumb" or other measures should I use to determine what is "affordable"? I have used many of the on-line "calculators" but I feel like there are too many variables which are not explained and there is too much variation. Can you look at our situation and help suggest how much house we can afford while remaining fairly conservative? What other "rules of thumb" or standard rules should I consider when determining how much house we (or anyone) can afford?

Total income: $120,000/year
House price: $445,000
Loan: FHA with 3.5% down
(the down payment is not set at this amount but it is so common that we use it when making comparisons).

We're fairly frugal and save more than average. We're both local government employees. The house is in Northern California (Bay Area). The house included above is just an example.

Conservative rule of thumb for front end debt-to-income (DTI) ratio -
28% of your pre-tax income = reasonable annual payment (before considering tax benefits):
$33,600/year
or
$2,800/month

Conservative back end DTI ratio:
36% of pre-tax income minus other debt payments.
We have about $600 of debt (student loan) payments/month.
$43,200 - 7,200 = $36,000
or
$3,000/month

I have received several "Good Faith Estimates" (GFE) for a loan in these conditions - the highest GFE (with most fees filled in) places our monthly payments at $2950.

Is that reasonable based on our income? How do you make that decision?

The tax rate for the city at issue is 1% (low) and no flood insurance is required. This is included in the GFE above. We also have a reasonable emergency fund.

Email questions/suggestions/issues to canweaffordthishouse@gmail.com

Thanks mefites!

How do I salvage a fractious relationship?

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:26:44 -0800

Relationshipfilter: Is there any way to salvage our relationship once and for all? Me and my ex-girlfriend have been trying to work things out, but, lo and behold, we just had another huge argument.

This all started about 18 months ago. We were living in a tiny flat together, we were both getting a bit claustrophobic. We had a huge argument, the sort that starts earthquakes, and she left me. I thought that was it, and I'd never see her again. We didn't speak for a while after that, and both moved out of the flat.

Weirdly, we both moved to the same city because of our jobs. We got in touch again, and things went swimmingly. It was great.

At the time I lived with a guy I got on with well. He'd just broken up with his girlfriend, and seemed incredibly depressed about his situation.

The ex went on holiday, and we'd agreed that when she got back we'd find somewhere to rent together. When she came back, I got cold feet about the whole moving in idea. I told her I'd rather stay with my friend for a few more months, until the end of our contract. Neither me, or my girlfriend were under any pressure to move out of our then houses, and I thought she'd be fine about it.

She wasn't. She totally flipped out, saying me not wanting to move in meant that I didn't love her. To me, it just felt wrong. My friend was really down about splitting up with his girlfriend, and I felt sorry for him. He was easy to feel sorry for. I wanted to see him through the next few months, as he was talking about moving to a bigger city and having a fresh start (he did move to a big city, and I've never seen him so happy).

Months passed with me and my ex not talking. Then, out of the blue, she contacted me. We met again. I was overjoyed to see her, and there were obviously romantic sparks between us. She told me she'd bought a flat. After years of renting, she'd managed to get on a scheme to get a mortgage and a flat on her own. I was unbelievably happy for her.

We got on well for a bit longer, but then things went wrong again. It was great when we were together, but we were ignoring the bigger issues. I hadn't seen her parents for ages, and they'd soaked up most of her tears when we split, so understandably they didn't want us to be together. She had a new set of friends she didn't want me to meet.

The whole flat thing didn't help as well. I was (and still am) renting a place - I don't earn enough to be able to afford to buy. We discussed me moving in, but it's tricky because she owns the place and I'll be paying rent to her, so she won't let it happen.

Every time we argue, though, she brings up the fact that I had a chance to move in with her, but didn't. I do love her so much, and I know that she's the one for me - I really do want to start a family with her. For all the arguing, 99% of the time has been the best, happiest days of my life.

But it just seems to be going round in circles. We'll get on really well, then we'll have an argument about something petty, and it'll turn into a full-blown fight (not physical). Then we won't speak for a month or so, then see each other again, repeat ad nauseum. We had relationship counselling a few weeks ago, and it seemed like we were getting somewhere. But tonight's argument threw me off balance. It's a horrible situation to be caught in, each time we argue it becomes more and more painful for both of us.

What can I do to restore her faith in me? And how can I sort out the housing mess? I've said I'd be happy to pay her a lump some of cash to cover what she's spent on the flat so far, and I really don't mind about the whole paying rent to her thing. The way I see it is that I'll be investing in our future.

I apologise for rambling, and I hope this all makes sense. And I hope I don't come across as too much of an asshole.

Thanks in advance

Subleasing tenant cosmetically damaged my table. How much, if any, of her deposit should I keep?

evadery — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 06:54:35 -0800

Subleasing tenant cosmetically damaged my table. How much, if any, of her deposit should I keep? I am in my late 20's and I had a tenant stay at my place for 4 months in the summer as I subleased another place with my fiancee (in town for the summer). She paid her rent on time, was courteous, kept the place in good condition, and all in all a good fit. Unfortunately, she left hair products on my antique wooden dining room table (passed from generation to generation) and left a large black waxy stain on it around the size of two fingers held together, but in an irregular pattern.

It was very noticeable, and compounding the problem, as I tried to remove it, I stripped some of the red from the previous refinishing of the table several years ago. So, before it it was pretty obvious and bad, and now it is very obvious and bad.

I have received a handful of quotes pricing out the cost of fixing the table, and the general guesstimate is around $300-$350 (not including transport of the table top, which may or may not fit in my car, and would cost $130 round trip at my favourite place). All parties say that touching up the area would be visible and not ideal, and the entire top of the table should be redone, but none of the legs, etc. The entire top would need to be redone regardless of whether I had removed some of the colouring, as the removal of the wax would necessitate the full work.

Other relevant facts:
-The tenant gave me a deposit of $825.
-The room is shared with a roommate, but I don't think there is any debate about who caused the damage.
-There are very slight discolourations on the table from resting glasses, etc, but before the wax I would have not considered getting it refinished under any circumstances.
-I will get it refurnished due to this problem, either now, or when I move out of my apt into a house (estimated time-10 months from now). I would not have gotten it refurnished otherwise.

So, hivemind, what should I do, and what is fair under the circumstances? If I did the work now, what percentage of the final cost should the tenant be charged? Thanks.

Resettling in New Delhi

Anonymous — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:20:28 -0800

American woman moving to New Delhi. Tips and advice on housing requested! I'm a female grad student moving to New Delhi in mid-September for nine-ish months to do research. On the off-chance that the communal wisdom of Metafilter can help me, I'm asking for advice on how to find an apartment and which neighborhoods you recommend.

Details: My work is divided between south Delhi (GK1, South Ex, etc) and Gurgaon. Since transport within Gurgaon is relatively difficult for those who don't have a car and driver constantly on call (a luxury that my research stipend, while generous, doesn't quite encompass), I think an apartment in south Delhi would suit me better. (Plus, the university I'm affiliated with is actually north of Connaught Place!) That way, I can hire a car only on those days when I need to be in Gurgaon.

A friend suggested neighborhoods in south Delhi that I already know, and which put me in close-ish proximity to the Gurgaon route (Hauz Khaz, Green Park, Safdarjung Enclave). I posted on an expat listserv, but I'm not having much luck finding places in those areas. I guess I could go with a realtor, but man, they are expensive, and the rent they're suggesting to me is much higher than what folks in Delhi think I should be paying (25-30,000 rupees at the lowest for a flatshare).

Does anyone here have any advice on how to find flatshares or apartments in south Delhi?

Secondly -- I used to know Delhi pretty well, but I haven't been back since 2005, so any other tips are welcome, too. I'm thinking particularly of the stuff I wasn't interested in before. I like to cook for myself these days, so if you know of a good supermarket (I hear they're now increasingly ubiquitous!) and a good gym where a single gal could work out in comfort without bankrupting herself, that would be great too. (Gold's, I hear, is very chic and well-maintained, but also abominably pricey.)

Throwaway email for good measure: newdelhibound@gmail.com

Housing dispute lawyer in NYC?

Anonymous — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 06:29:50 -0800

Can anyone recommend a good lawyer in NYC for dealing with housing issues, specifically a dispute over a security deposit with a former landlord? I'm currently wrangling with a former landlord who's refusing to return my (substantial) security deposit. I believe this will end up in Housing Court. I know I don't need an attorney for Housing Court, but I'd really like to have someone giving me advice and walking me through the process as well as helping me prepare and file all the necessary paperwork. I don't mind spending some money to do this, as the deposit in question was fairly large. Any recommendations?

Anonymous because I prefer not to have legal things associated with my username and Google-able by people I know.

New York housing law on illegal aliens

pinksoftsoap — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:30:29 -0800

Is it illegal in New York State to rent to illegal aliens? Should illegal aliens be upfront with their status to potential landlords while searching for a place to rent? This is assuming there is no credit or background check being done and all payments are made in cash.

Weekly rental in Palo Alto - Menlo Park

shoe478 — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 08:39:12 -0800

I'm house hunting in the Palo Alto - Menlo Park area, and looking for a reasonably nice (not a motel) rental (on a week x week basis)...any suggestions?

Can I live nextdoor after a divorce?

Anonymous — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 12:49:01 -0800

Divorce is a possibility...how close can I really live after the split? We have two children in elementary school. Divorce is not inevitable, but if it gets to that, I'd like to have an idea what to do and where to go. This obviously includes where to live. Wife would likely keep the house. There are several homes in the neighborhood for sale including some on the same block. Is that too close? I don't want my kids seeing daddy in an apartment (for too long). So, divorcees, where did you go? are there any general dos and don'ts particularly about proximity after a split? I'd love to have the kids within walking distance.

How should my Georgetown-bound friend find a place to live?

heyforfour — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:38:43 -0800

Advice for a Georgetown U. grad student looking for housing in DC! I'm asking for a friend who is looking for an apartment--single or with roommates, but he strongly prefers his own room and is looking to spend no more than $850. Convenience to school is very important, which seems to mean he can't rely on metro (no Georgetown stop) - he's not planning to drive to school, since parking is apparently atrocious. The problem is that he can only actually be in town to look for three days. He's got a few Craigslist appointments set up, but should he be looking into a realtor to show apartments as well? We're hearing mixed answers over whether one is helpful/neccessary, especially if he's looking to live with housemates. If helpful, does anyone know a good one to contact?

Neighborhoods he's considering: either Georgetown/Burleith/Glover Park, Foxhall or Rosslyn/North Arlington. Also Dupont Circle or Foggy Bottom if he could find an affordable place there. Anywhere else with decent bus rides to Georgetown he should be considering?