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How do I assess my role and responsibility for housing an unemployed person in these economic bad times?

Anonymous — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:31:15 -0800

I have been housing an unemployed friend for the past six months. How do I assess my role and responsibility for housing them in these economic bad times? Last year this person was laid off, quit their next job (which meant they were no longer eligible for UI), went traveling for awhile (partially to look for a job in another state), and then returned and needed a place to stay. They moved in with an expectation that they would find a job and new housing in a few weeks. That didn't happen.

They pay no rent or utilities. They had a few temp jobs but were let go before they were completed. They would admit that they have problems with finances. Last year they got a car loan for a pricey used car (which imo is now a burden). They have no savings. Food stamps are used up way too quickly (imo). I have provided some financial assistance during this time. They occasionally have interviews for permanent work but nothing has come from that yet.

I feel like I'm paying for their past decisions. Trying to help them learn better financial habits (or giving pretty much any advice) usually doesn't go over well. I have a smallish one-bedroom apartment so space is limited. My personal life/privacy has been on hold during this time. Oh, did I mention that this person is an ex? Yeah.

Neither of us has many friends so it's not as if they can hop over to a friend's couch on the other side of the city.

On the flip side, I try to be helpful to fellow humans. I'm well aware of the high unemployment rates, etc. and I don't want to toss someone out onto the streets. A few weeks ago we struck an agreement that they would find new housing by the end of this month. (This seemed achievable as they were about to embark on a decent paying two month temp gig. But they were let go after calling in sick on day three.) I have a feeling that they will soon have reasons why moving out is an unreasonable demand.

How do people deal with eventually giving someone the boot when doing so could lead to Bad Things?

Kicking out a roommate not a lease in San Francisco.

hobbes — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 08:02:28 -0800

Giving ye olde boot to a roommate not a lease in San Francisco.. One lease holder, and three people not on the lease. The lease holder wants a bad roommate to leave, but doesn't want to tell him herself, so I volunteered.

Besides verbally notifying him that he's got 30-days to get out, should I have a letter written and notarized? And do I need to have that letter written/signed by the lease holder? Anything else I prepare/ be prepared for?

Thanks MeFi.

Don't sh*t where you eat?

adamk — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:32:06 -0800

RoommateConflictFilter: I'm a guy in my mid-20s living in a bachelor pad with two other similarly-aged guys. The two roommates have had a huge falling out (over a girl, naturally) on month two of a twelve-month lease, and after days of constantly talking about it, it seems like the only solution is for one of them to move out. The only thing that we've agreed on is that I'm not going anywhere. So now what? We're all on the lease, and I want to make sure that nobody gets burnt any worse than has already happened. A bad attempt at keeping a long story short... I apologize, because I normally grumble at these kinds of posts :)

I've been friends with "Mike" for five years (college buddy), and we've lived together off-and-on in the past with no problems. Most recently we had spent a year each living with other people from our group of friends, but were both extremely excited to start living together again.

Mike met "Dan" a few months ago and they got along well enough where Mike suggested that we all move in together. He is a reasonable guy, but I don't know him that well, and would probably never have lived with him if it wasn't for Mike vouching for him. We found an amazing house that we can reasonably afford with three people, but certainly can't afford with two.

Awhile after we moved in, Mike started dating Dan's friend "Jen". Before this Dan and Jen were extremely close, with her coming over multiple times a week to hang out, eat dinner, etc. Their friendship that was describable as platonic but had enough flirting where an outsider (like myself) couldn't know for sure.

Dan seemed cool with Mike and Jen's new relationship, but was constantly asking to tag along or be included when they hang out because they were "his two best friends". They played along for awhile, but eventually got uncomfortable and said something along the lines of "hey buddy, we've got our own thing going on, you can't expect to hang out with us ALL of the time". This makes Dan sulk for awhile, but it seemed to blow over.

Until a few days ago, when the shit finally hit the fan. A generic domestic argument over a party mess resulted in a fight in which it was made clear that Mike and Jen no longer wanted to deal with Dan's influence in their relationship. Extremely harsh words were exchanged, Jen got hysterical and things almost got violent between the guys.

Days later and nothing has improved. Both parties are sure that they did nothing wrong, and won't budge. The only thing that they've agreed on is that someone needs to move out. Coincidentally, Dan is leaving tomorrow for a 10-day vacation, and we're going to figure out what needs to happen for when he gets back.

So, now what? I don't think anyone is being evil or unreasonable in all of this. I see where everyone is coming from, it's just one of those unfortunate situations. I don't mind the girl or the relationship and would really prefer to live with my friend, but it seems a bit rough to kick out the guy who claims that he tried to do a good thing and lost two friends over it. Then again, I don't know him that well, and he really seems to be in denial over everything.

What's the best way to decide on who needs to leave if nobody volunteers? What precautions do we need to take as we attempt to find a new roommate? If the landlords would go for it we may be willing to remove the person who leaves from the lease (a big if). Plus, due to how difficult it is to have these problems while the current three of us on the lease, I'm not sure I'd want to put a random Craigslist stranger on the lease in place of the person who leaves.

Any advice/anecdotes would be appreciated.

Three's a Crowd

proj08 — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 14:16:39 -0800

My current roommate's friend asked if he could live with us next year. I like my current roommate, but not his friend. Here are my options:

a) I can tell my roommate I don't want to live with his friend.
b) I can ask my officemate if he would let me live with him next year.
c) I can look for roommates on craigslist, or live alone.
d) I can suck it up and live with him for the next 12 months.

Here's the problems:

a) He may say "Fine, I'll live with him and you can go find someplace else." Or, he may say, "Ok." But I know it would hurt his feelings, and make me feel like a selfish asshole.
b) I am confined in a small office with my officemate all day. If he is also my roommate, that would be too much. And he's not even going to be here for six out of the next 12 months, so my roommates would be his current roommates, who I don't know from Adam. Also, I don't like the place where he lives- I like my current place better.
c) I really don't have the time right now to look through ads online and visit places. Did this before, and it was a fucking hassle.
d) I can tolerate going out for pizza with this guy. But can I tolerate living with him? The other issue is: people judge you by who you hang out with. Frankly, I don't want to be associated with him.

Here are my thoughts:

I'm not sure whether I dislike this guy strongly enough to cause a ruckus, or whether I should just go along with the flow and sign the lease. Roommates don't interact that much anyway. Maybe living with him would be a good learning experience. And I would get to stay in the nice apartment. Not so bad, right?

The deadline on this decision is Monday. Shit.

Advise a SF renter?

aladfar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:20:28 -0800

Advise a San Francisco renter? I've about 6 weeks left on my current lease, and just had a new roommate move in. Rather than tack him on to the remaining time, my landlord would like to scrap the previous lease and have us sign on for a year. I've a feeling my roommate would prefer that as well. I, however, don't wish to be committed that long. So, I'm thinking I'll push for a 6 month lease - the same term as my last agreement. But I suspect I'll want to move sooner than that, perhaps as early as 3 or 4 months. I've come to realize that I'd much prefer my own place, and should be able to swing it financially.

I think the best strategy would be to tack the new roomie onto the current lease and then go month to month when it expires (I believe tenants have that right here in SF). But I suspect that will generate more than a little ill will.

Any advice on how to handle the situation would be much appreciated!

Two Against One. Can We Drop Someone From Our Lease?

SansPoint — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 22:02:29 -0800

How do I/how hard is it to take someone off a lease? Okay, About two months ago, I moved into a 3 bedroom house with two friends I go to college with. All three of us signed the lease, and it was cosigned by my father, who put up the third required month's rent towards the security deposit.

One housemate, J, has been nothing but a pain with regards to financial issues. We had to cover his first month's rent, a pro-rated payment coming to slightly over half a regular month's rent, as he had no money left. Admittedly, he had been having trouble finding a job, though was employed at the time. He did not receive his first check until after the rent was due, but he did not offer anything he had. We threatened to take him to small claims court unless he paid us back^1..

When J paid me, and the housemate back for this payment, he did it exceedingly grudgingly, and said he would take out a loan to cover his remaining share. We agreed under the condition that he not throw fits over paying bills.

When I informed him of cable and gas bills that arrived two weeks ago, he said he did not get paid until that coming Sunday. I informed him the bills were not due for two weeks. He still complained about being TOLD of the bills existence. Similarly, when the second month's rent was due, he threw a fit when I asked him for a check, as the loan had not come in yet.

Ultimately, I had to embarrass him in front of a friend he had brought over on Saturday to get his $15 share of that cable bill, and get the $45 he owed me for the first cable bill, and a SEPTA Transpass I bought him to get to his summer class^2.. This, he had owed me, for nearly six weeks, even before the first month's rent was due.

He is leaving for California today, coming back August 1st, the day rent is due. I asked him to leave a post-dated check, and he exploded, calling his mother to get her to help him convince me to let him slide until his return, so he could pay all his remaining rent in one lump sum, as the loan he took out was delayed. He, essentially, accused me of extortion, even though this would be a post-dated check made out to the property managment company, not to me. Also, he left a threatening note to the other housemate, R, and I, causing R to fear for his life. Rather than live in a Demilitarized Zone, I told him that we're taking him off the lease ASAP.

So, first, do I have a case here? Secondly, I have contacted the property management people we are dealing with, and left a message explaining my situation: what can I expect to happen when I talk to them? Third, will I be able to take his person off the lease?

^1. We only did this because of his cavalier attitude. It felt like he wouldn't pay us back.

^2. A class he routinely showed up an hour late to—and failed, and then blamed me for it, saying he should never had taken the class by my suggestion.

But I WANT to sign the lease!

purplefiber — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 11:53:29 -0800

Can my new landlord leave me off the lease? I'm moving into a new apartment soon. The two people who currently live there (roommate A and B) have been in the apartment for two years. The first year they cosigned a year long lease, and since then they have been month to month.

Now roommate B is moving away and I am moving in. They checked this with the rental agency, to see if we'd have to do an application/credit check for me. The rental agency said no, that they would make roommate A the sole tenant, and I would be a subletter from her. So they don't need to check any background on me, but basically I would have no rights to the place. If roommate A decides to move, I would have to move as well, or be subject to any kind of rent increase they wish to impose.

I want to be on the lease, both for the stability of rent control in the event that roommate A decides to leave, and also for reasons of building good credit. Do I have the right to insist on getting my name on the lease? Roommate A agrees that it would be best for us both to be on it. If I am to bring this up with the rental agency, should I do it before moving in, or a few months down the road, once they see that I'm a good tenant, pay rent on time, etc? We are in California.

Any advice much appreciated.