Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with house

Free Parking

Blazecock Pileon — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 19:42:19 -0800

What would be involved in building a driveway / basement-level garage for a house in Seattle, WA with respect to zoning, estimated costs, etc.? Specifically, it would be for a house that currently has on-street, city-zoned parking only.

Get friends to go home?

Taft — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 22:17:12 -0800

How do you get your friends to respect your house...after they have a precedent that it's just a 'hangout place'? I'm 17, and my house has always seemed to be the laid back, hangout place for my circle of friends. It's been established that we don't have to respect it (i.e. there are holes in the wall due to my older brothers anger fits) and we usually stay up all night. My dad goes to bed and enforces little to no leave-times...he's kind of withdrawn like that.

Nevertheless, it hasn't really bothered me much in the past. I stay up and hang out with my friends, they go home when they have to (usually in the early morning.)

Some of my best experiences have been shenanigans with my friends at 2am, smoking hookah in the back or playing DnD or just sitting around eating McDonalds and laughing. Honestly these have been great times in the summer that I would never trade anything for.

Lately, I've been wanting to go to bed earlier, around 10:30 or 11:00pm. Last night I told everyone I was going to bed. I went upstairs and tried to sleep...but all I could hear was laughter and noise coming from downstairs. Even without a host, everyone was having a great time in the hangout house. Tonight has been the exact same, and it's irritating me. How do I tell them to respect me?

What should we know about homebuilding before we start?

Aleen — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:28:14 -0800

We've never built a home before. Help us not look or act like n00bs! My guy and I are thinking about building a home through Shea Homes using an FHA loan. We're both in our mid-to-late 20s and live in the suburbs of the Phoenix, Arizona, USA area.

Using a price sheet for options sent to us by a Shea sales representative, it looks as though we would be spending less than $200,000 to get exactly what we want in a home (we qualify for a loan of over $300,000). The base price for the home is about $157,000. We're estimating that we want approximately $55,000 in additional features like laminate flooring throughout the home, upgraded countertops, and the like. Shea is offering $25,000 for upgrades as an incentive, bringing our cost down to the $180's.

Neither of us are considering this a "starter house." We both agree that, unless something big and unforeseeable happens, this will be our "forever home." We haven't decided whether or not children are in the cards for us, but this house would allow for familial expansion should we elect to have any.

What do we need to know about the building and design processes? Is there anything we need to know about FHA loans that isn't readily available online? What questions should we be asking? What can we negotiate (base price, upgrade costs, etc.), if anything?

We welcome any and all advice on the topic of building in a preplanned community with a large builder such as Shea. Thanks for your insight!

New Life Crisis.

CwgrlUp — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:01:35 -0800

We are hoping to move in the next six months. When should we put our current house up for sale? My wife just graduated (yay!) and she is in the running for around six jobs. By in the running I mean in the top 2 or 3 candidates, so things are looking very good. The thing is, several of the potential employers have told her that she will be hired and then expected to relocate there as little as two weeks later, but some will give her a couple months.

One makes their decision in January and expect her by April. One says they'll decide in February and want her there in March.

My main question is when do I put our house up for sale? We are struggling mightily to make ends meet while she looks for a job and if the house happened to sell quickly, we couldn't afford all the deposits (we have 2 dogs too) and first/last months rent etc to get into an apartment.

But, if we didn't sell it and she had to move for the job (any job she takes will have a signing bonus and moving expenses), I don't see how we could afford a new place and the old one on one income, since I most likely will be unemployed when we first move.

I'm so stressed about all of this. My dad could possibly rent out my house as a last resort, but I don't want to dump that responsibility on him. I would appreciate some advice.

shouldn't a vacant lot be buildable?

markhu — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:51:20 -0800

Are there un-buildable lots? I have read up on a similar question but that was about how expensive the known-to-be-buildable lots are. My question is if I see a lot listed that is "virgin" vacant never had a srtucture on it, how likely is it that no one could build on it? In my case, I found a vacant lot in a location I like up in the hills in Los Angeles, California, and would like to put an offer on it. But everyone keeps asking uncomfortable questions like, "is it buildable?", "is it on a fault line?", "are there utilities nearby?", "how deep is the bedrock?", "why hasn't anyone built there before?" and other such questions that it seems would take thou$ands to investigate.

Maybe my question should be, "if I find out I can't build, can I at least use it for picnicking and camping? Or build a little storage shed on it?"

Should I let my housemate know where he stands?

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:50:20 -0800

Knowing that two of my housemates plan to leave the third one high and dry, while he has no idea about it, do I tell him? Or is this a breach of trust to them? I've been sharing a house with four friends for about a year and a half this christmas. Three of them already lived together (and had been for some time) and one moved in after me. For the first year or so, we all got on really well, but lately things have started getting really strained. One of the housemates who I get on particularly well with is moving out of the country in the next few months, and two housemates who've been living together for about five years have really soured in their feelings to one another, they argue about stupid things, bitch about one another constantly, and pick at one another for no good reason, but at the same time they're officially best friends.

I've been thinking about moving out when our contract is up for a while, and a few days ago I started making arrangements with other people about somewhere to live next year, having started this, and not wanting to leave my housemates with an empty room, a bump in rent, and no warning, I mentioned to one of the housemates who are always fighting that I was unlikely to renew my contract the next year. It was at this point that he told me he was planning on moving away from his best friend with our other housemate at the same time.

Considering how much their relationship has soured, I think this is a great idea, and I think it'll do them both good to get away from one another. At the same time, however, in talking to him it became obvious to me just how much of this has already been planned, they've looked at houses, debating moving early and sticking my other housemate and I with the remainder of the contract and rent there's no way we'll be able to pay, and honestly the way he was talking about it came across to me as that he just wanted to put our other housemate in a position where he won't have the time to organize something else that he can afford and will be forced to go home and live with his parents, since right now he's only living off housing benefits and a small amount of money he earns singing every week.

Again, I think our other housemate probably should go home to his parents, It's probably the sensible thing for him to do, but I don't think that it's right for him to have his hand forced because someone who's supposed to be his best friend doesn't approve of his lifestyle.

I've mentioned to this housemate that I'm moving away at the end of the year, and hinted that with our other friend going to America, it's possible he should think about his options and what he'll do next year, but he dismissed the question without any doubt at all, he's certain that there'll still be three people in the house because he believes his best friend to be too apathetic to actually move anywhere else.

Despite the fact that recently both of these guys and their issues have really been driving me nuts, we are still friends, and I really don't want to see either of them get fucked over here. On the one hand, I don't want to sell out the one who wants to leave, because he's got a lot of legitimate issues with the other guy, and I DO think they should get away from each other for a bit, but on the other hand? I'm concerned that his existing resentment means that he'll be a real prick about all of this, and will either try to use it as a way of hurting the other guy emotionally, or forcing him to do what he thinks he should do with his life, by leaving it too late to give him a chance to find other housemates or a cheaper place to live. Is it even my place to say anything? I mean, he knows that some people are leaving, I've not been at all secretive about what I want to do next year, and while we are friends, his history with this other guy predates that by a LOT.

Any advice on this would be welcome. I'm really pretty stressed out about this.

Where to go for NYE in London?

simolean — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:55:23 -0800

House clubs for NYE in London I'm looking for a club to go to for NYE. I haven't been back since '07 and usually go to Ben Watt's club or any deep house club for that matter. Any suggestions? Thanks!

I own my home, no really.

buxtonbluecat — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:11:00 -0800

So I've paid off my mortgage, almost. What happens now? After paying down lots of extra principal every month, my mortgage has less than one payment remaining (7 years into a 15 year fixed rate.) I received a payoff letter that was apparently triggered by the low principal balance. It appears that I am to send a certified check to the mortgage company's payoff processing office; seems simple enough. But I'm wondering what happens then, behind the scenes and in front of them. How is the payoff communicated to... um... that's part of my question... who gets told? I guess maybe the county recorders office? Is someone going to mail me the actual deeds to the property? What about the escrow, will I be sent a cheque for the dregs automagically? What else will happen? Is this going to be a big anticlimax?

Location: Indiana. Mortgage is held by GMAC.

I know I should be happy, and I am, but because this is new and I don't know anyone who's been through the process, I'm finding it rather stressful.

(For those wondering: I'm aware of the pros and cons of paying down a mortgage ahead of time. It's all part of a larger strategy, a major part of which is reducing my income requirements as much as possible as quickly as possible.)

Can switched bank accounts equal automatic mortgage denial?

grablife365 — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 12:59:56 -0800

Title of bank accounts were switched on mortgage disclosure. We were approved with conditions today. Could I be denied a mortgage for this or is this something easy to fix? How do I correct a mixup on my mortgage paperwork without being denied?

Biggest mistake ever, I know. I should have caught it and made sure it was fixed like I did for another issue I found.

I was approved with conditions today.
We don't know yet but my guess is that one of the conditions will be that they need formal bank statements.

Here's my problem:

I spoke with my loan officer (weeks ago) gave her account info but the accounts were listed wrong on the disclosure. I have them by me right now and I'm at a loss for what to do.
Example BoA has the balance that Chase should have. The names are switched up. My bank statements line up fine with the amounts so its not that I was lying, they just have the wrong names.

On top of that one account that was mixed up now has less then it did to start but still enough to close and be fine. I could always transfer money into but that would be more paper trails. She did say it was only a snapshot of that time so I'm not worried too much on that.

I'm planning to email her and let her know that we need to get this changed but will this automatically mean we get denied cause it doesn't match up?

Again, I do know this is something I should have caught already. Please don't remind me. I'm having a tough enough month as it is.

Am I being difficult?

silsurf — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:16:49 -0800

What exactly should my landlord know? I love in Los Angeles in a two bedroom house and am trying to figure out if what the land lord wants to know is valid?

We are great tenants and he has said that over and over, so there is no animosity regarding these issues, but I personally feel like it is really none of his business and secondly feel like there is no reason for him to know the following.

We have alarm system that we pay for the monitoring of. Our landlord wants the entry code, he says he needs it in the case of an emergency. Our stance is that it just makes one more person in the world who has the entry code and therefore less secure. He does not live in the area either. He also says that he needs it for his insurance company, but when we pressed him on this he backed off. Like I said. Put me in touch with your insurance company and if after speaking to them I understand why they need it, I will supply them with the info.

The other issue has been ongoing.
The house was originally rented to my wife before we were married. When I moved in he suggested a rent increase, we balked and have never agreed to one. Then, my son started staying over more and more often and he said he wanted to raise the rent as it is based on occupancy? So far, that has not come to pass either.

I have never hear of, nor do I understand that a single family home that is being rented is based on occupancy? Isn't it our right to have however many people living here that we want? If he wants to not rent it to us any more, he can put that in motion.

So, my questions are:

Does the owner of a rented home have the need to the security entry code?

Does the owner of a rented home have the right to charge rent based on occupancy?

Where do I go for answers to these questions in the Los Angeles are (other than the support 0f fellow MeFi'ers?)

Thanks,

Henry

Please tell me about the coziest, softest, and most comfortable things in your home.

lalex — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:55:58 -0800

Please tell me about the coziest, softest, and most comfortable things in your home. After a recent luxury hotel stay, I'd like to make my apartment more comfortable...the kind of place with a sofa that's easy to curl up and nap on, an appealing reading nook, a bed that's ridiculously inviting after a long day.

To that end, please recommend your favorite comfortable home items. I'm looking for great throw pillows, blankets, bedding, really anything that makes you look forward to coming home.

The girl I love bought a house I hate - now what?

xbonesgt — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 09:06:05 -0800

We're in love! That's great! She bought a house yesterday with zero input from me whatsoever! That's crappy! What does it mean, and what do I do now? This past weekend my girlfriend closed on a house. I really really dislike this house for a number of reasons, which aren't especially relevant here. But what I'm having a very hard time dealing with, and maybe this is selfish of me, is that we've been dating for a while and have both hinted that this may be it for both of us yet I was not asked for input or opinions at all during the whole process. The extent of my involvement was hearing her say to me "I found a house I like", then "I put an offer in on that house I like", and finally "hey, guess what? My offer was accepted". I didn't get a street address or a listing or any pictures, and didn't dig 'em up on my own until after her offer was accepted and I saw the address on some papers she had left out.

We had a big ol' mutual cryfest immediately after we finished moving her in last night, during which she said that she's been in love with me for a while now but couldn't say it earlier because she was afraid she'd scare me off. This was the first I'd heard of it; I'm usually pretty slow when it comes to stuff like this but I really don't think it was a case of missed signals this time. The most I'd gotten out of her before yesterday was an occasional "you're great" or "you make me really happy" while she's giving me a hug and a kiss. I've told her in the past that I'm in love with her. I didn't quite get the response I was looking for ("mm good I'm glad"), which is why I'd been hesitant to volunteer any thoughts or opinions during her homebuying process. If it's not definite that I'm going to be around, then I'm not going to try to influence her in something important like this. But now that I know how she feels about me, I'm wondering why she couldn't've told me sooner; I don't know if it's a case of relationship inexperience or if she just likes the idea of being with somebody and isn't quite ready to end things yet. As far as I know she's been honest with me about everything apart from this, if not especially open or forthcoming. When we were talking after our last minor tiff (which occurred before she found this house), one of the things I asked her to do for me was to tell me about what she was thinking; about what she's excited by and scared of and wondering about and hopeful for. Apparently she can't or won't do that.

A couple of other facts which may or may not be relevant: I'm 28, she's 24. We met about a year ago and have been dating for eight months. Neither of us have been married before, and she's only had one or two "real" relationships in the past. I'm living in an apartment with a roommate, and can't move elsewhere until at least the end of the school year; she plans to stay in this house for a minimum of five years. We both agree that we don't want to go too much longer without living together. We get along fine with each other in every way apart from this one (big?) problem I'm having.

I guess my question is, is it worth making things try to work with someone who's taking pretty important steps in her life without me? Do I eventually move in with her and suck it up for a few years in a house and neighborhood and town that I really dislike, and hope that we end up moving to someplace we're both okay with? Does she not want or need me to be around and is trying to show that by taking this thing on by herself, or is she just too oblivious or self-absorbed to communicate with someone she claims to love? Should I forget about it and just go live in a cave in Mongolia?

Hope me, MetaFilter!

Ventilation Problem

glenngulia — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:03:06 -0800

How do I determine why vent is not sending heat & A/C to one bedroom? Have a 3 bedroom house. 100-years old if that helps (A/C is brand new, furnace is probably 40+ years old).

2 bedrooms (the 2 larger ones) have vents that work fine. The 1 small bedroom only has 1 vent: absolutely no heat or A/C comes through this vent.

Where do I begin to figure out what the problem is?

Recommendations for wounded yet likeable men in books.

beautifulcheese — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:21:09 -0800

Book recommendations: Recently I have discovered that I really enjoy a certain type of flawed character in television shows. Think Gregory House on House or Dr. Cal Lightman on Lie to Me. Wounded inside with a tough smart exterior that push people away with sarcasm or slight jerkish behaviour. Help me find examples in literature so I can continue my current obsession when I shut the tv off. I'm not sure if I'm explaining exactly the type of character that I like but that is the closest that I can get to. I've read a previous thread about bad but good characters but it just referred to tv shows.

Any recommendations? Or a way to better word what character type I'm actually looking for to help me search would also be helpful.

Why am I paying property tax on land when I own a condo?

ObeyScient — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:15:00 -0800

So confused! My county thinks we have a condo but we thought we have a single-family home (i.e. a free-standing house on land we own). Then why does my property tax bill show that we've been taxed for the land? Here's a confusing and somewhat obscure situation. Please bear with me; I'll try to explain all the details and what I know as clearly as I can.

We're trying to refinance our (free-standing) house and as part of the process we had an appraisal. According to the appraisal report, we have a condo, not a single-family home. Zillow also thinks we have a condo. The appraiser told me that the definition of a condo is that the owner only owns the immediate space they live in, but not the land or other common areas. So our house was assessed as a free-standing building that is part of a complex, with the land being labeled "common area", even though we don't belong to an HOA or condo association, don't pay any fees, and do the maintenance ourselves.

The county's assessor's map shows that we live on a single lot with our neighbor. Our house is on an L-shaped chunk of the lot, and our neighbor's house is on the chunk inside the L. We're separated by a fence. Our respective parcel numbers are subsections of the lot and are designated for use as "Condominium - single residential living unit". The land itself has its own parcel number, with the use is designated as "condominium common area". The map also says "common area".

However, the property tax records for both us and our neighbor show that our taxable value comprises both land and improvements! If we look up the "common area" parcel, it shows that no one has paid any taxes on it at all.

I was not involved with the original purchase of the property, as my wife bought the house before we got married. Her understanding was that she owned the L-shaped chunk of land as well as the house, but we don't have any documentation to support this.

So, I have a few questions. I'd really appreciate insight into any of them.

1. Did someone pull a fast one on my wife? That is, did she pay a single-family home price for land + house but only get the house?

2. If we actually own a condo, then why are we paying property taxes on the land *and* the improvements? (I understand that we should be paying property tax on the house itself.)

3. How can I find out who actually owns the "common area", and should that person be the one who pays property tax on the land?

4. Are we entitled to any of the back taxes we've paid based on the value of the land?

5. Lastly, if it does turn out that we own a single-family home, would this increase our appraised value? How would we go about making the legal change?

Thanks for any help you can provide.

House-building idiot seeks construction guide for dumbasses.

bengarland — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 15:32:07 -0800

What is a good reference for learning to build a house? I need to get a basic grasp of things like building codes and best practices for electrical wiring, plumbing, roofing, etc. So I'm planning my own rammed earth passive solar home to build in northeast Georgia, United States. I have a basic understanding of what goes into a home and how to design a sensible floorplan.

What I don't know are the particular specifications to comply with the building code and/or just standard ("best") practices in general. I feel like there is a lot I could do on my own (since I have the time) if I just knew HOW to do it. I understand it is prudent to have a licensed electrician (for example) to inspect the electrical work and do all of the final "live" connections, but I think I can run the conduit, wire, and connect outlets and switches myself... I just need a good guide.

Is there a good resource (preferably a book(s) that are illustrated) that can answer the following types of questions?

Electrical: How do I wire an electrical panel (fuse box)? How do I run wire from the panel to an outlet or light switch? What type of conduit is required? How do I wire all the outlets in a room to a single on/off switch on the wall? How frequently (in number of feet between outlets) do you have to place outlets on a wall? When do you need a GFCI outlet? What type of wire do I need for standard 120v AC? What about 240v (such as an oven)? What is a junction box and what does it do? Etc.

Plumbing: What type of drain pipe do I use for a sink? a toilet? How is this drain pipe installed into a concrete floor (before pouring)? What type of drop does such a drain need to have? In what situations do I need a clean-out, and how is it installed? How do you install plumbing for a shower or bathbub? How do you connect pipes so they won't leak? Etc.

Roofing (metal roofs in particular): How do I attach roof beams (joists?) to a sill plate (beams similar to this)? How do I "fill in" the gaps between the sill plate and the roof (assuming I want the joists to overhang on the outside and be exposed from below)? How do I attach the metal roof to the underlayment so that it doesn't leak? How do I install rigid insulation on a roof? Is some sort of rubber membrane required for moisture control? How do I frame around clerestory windows and prevent possible leaks (a roof similar to this)? Etc.

Building code: What is required (assume Federal building code or just what is common, unless you are familiar with Georgia code in particular)? What will the inspector look for?

How to fix a house's foundations?

moorooka — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:52:21 -0800

After noticing some small cracks on the interior walls of one room, I went outside and saw several HUGE zig-zag cracks have appeared between the bricks at the back corner of my house. All the indications of a bad case of subsidence. Time to panic; the house is now worthless! What are my options? From my googling, it seems that a structural engineer will have to come in and fix the foundations. How much does this cost in general - all I know is that it will be an absolute fortune, and insurance (in Australia) does not generally cover it. I'm f*cked!

Should we take the risk and buy a bigger house now or should we save up a safety net before we buy another house?

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:57:02 -0800

Should we take the risk and buy a bigger house now or should we save up a safety net before we buy another house? I am in my early 30s. I live in St. Paul, MN. I have two young boys (4 & 2 yrs - neither is in school yet). I have a good job. However, I am worried that if I lose my job I won't be able to get another at anywhere near the same salary level. Also, We don't have a financial safety net. The wrinkle is the kids are starting to get ready for school and we have decided we are moving in the next couple of years. So if we didn't buy a house we would be moving into an apartment.

One thing to note. I don't care about timing the housing market or interest rates for mortgages.

Throwaway email address is here: stpauldad@gmail.com

Our Current House:
------------------------------
Purchased 5 years ago. Our monthly payment is around $1400. Our house is a small 2 bedroom (~800 sq feet). Our house is in a BAD school district. We ARE moving sometime in the next year.

Income/Careers:
------------------------------
My wife previously made in the < 30,000 range as a secretary. She is now a full-time mom. Realistically though she won't be back in the workforce for another 4 years. She also has a side job (3 hrs a day from home) that pays around 700 a month.
I work in "technology/internet". I am making $84,000 and have a cap in my current job at around $120,000. My biggest worry is I am the primary breadwinner. Also we don't have savings to cover mortgage if anything happens. However, my job is fairly steady and with a reliable medium sized company. I have had my job (with diff titles obviously) at the same employer for the last 12 years.

Current Financial Situation:
------------------------------
- We have around $10,000 in debt (credit cards, bank line of credit - stupid stuff)
- Each month we have around $1,000 extra income that we can apply to debt or savings.
- $0 - our current savings (I have around 50K in a retirement account but I don't want to touch that)
- we own one of our two cars
- our net (combined) salaries are around $5000 a month

Option 1 - Buy a new house now:
------------------------------
To make this happen we would have to save like mad for a down payment (before the $6,500 credit expires) and forgo the savings. The one thing that helps is we usually get a substantial tax refund (near $10,000 last year). So we could use that to wipe out our debts.

pro - $6,500 tax credit for second time home buyers
pro - we would have enough space
pro - good school district
con - cost.. we are looking at houses in the $250,000 range - monthly payments would be $1,700 +
con - because of the increased mortgage - we will be in a worse position to build up our savings and pay off our debts
con - we are in a much less flexible situation if I lose my job

Option 2 - Move to an apartment and save until we have enough cash for 20% down payment & have an emergency fund:
------------------------------
pro - cost savings - we could rent an apartment/duplex/house for less than or mortage (probably $1,200) so thats around $500 in monthly savings
pro - good school district
con - we would have to move 2x (assuming we eventually buy another house)
con - we have a ton of house shit that we would have to store or sell (snowblower, mower, lawn stuff, etc.)
con - we would probably have less space than if we bought a house
con - we would miss out on a year of the tax rebate, right? or do renters get money back too?

No one wants to buy a house next to a burned out property.

leahwrenn — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:08:20 -0800

How can we sell our house, when everyone is scared off by the vacant burned house next door? in May 2008, the house next door to ours had a fire which gutted the second story. It's sat vacant since then and is a teardown at this point, probably, because in addition to the damage upstairs, rain has been pouring in through the tarps on the roof, etc., in the intervening time. There's probably animals in it, too.

The house is in litigation; it's not clear who owns it (there's a lawsuit involved, possible identity theft of a will, or maybe not, very complicated). There has been very little cleanup since the fire. We talked to the township and they sent nasty letters saying come clean up the debris or we'll fine you, and there was a little cleanup, but nothing substantial---and certainly nothing major like removing the plywood and tarps, etc.

Meanwhile, we needed to move across country and have been trying to sell our nice house since this past May. We've been getting a couple three showings a week since then. No luck. Recent reports from our realtor are that people are uncomfortable (understandably) by the situation next door....and as winter approaches, people are likely to be less likely to want to buy a house.

Any ideas about what we can do? The houses in question are in Perkiomen Twp., PA. (We're currently in Alaska.) We can't lower the price much on our house as we're already basically just trying to get enough to cover the mortgage (and the loan my parents made for the downpayment on the house).

Is having "it" together an unrealistic goal?

dumbledore69 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:44:47 -0800

As a 30-year old who is a part-time grad student and a full-time office worker, are my goals to get control over my life (weight loss, finances, home, work, etc) really unrealistic? Is there a way to just be NORMAL and balanced, or is it really just normal not to really have things together, even as an adult? I am a 30-year old woman, and while working through a number of issues (depression, anxiety, ADHD) I have come to realize that I am deeply unhappy with how I manage my life. I thought medication, which does help, was going to be a magic bullet somehow, but of course that was kind of a stupid assumption for me and I still have a lot of the same issues.

So...the things I am most unhappy about are:

1) My weight. I need to lose at least 80 lbs, but probably more like 100. My general physical health (blood pressure, cholesterol levels, etc) are fine, but I think I've got a genetic disposition towards diabetes and cancer, so I feel like my healthy days are numbered if I don't get things under control. Plus I'm endlessly depressed that I have to wear plus-sized clothing and get these awesome doses of extra low self esteem (to supplement my generally low self-esteem) every time I remember how fat I am because of pictures of me that suck or clothes that don't fit or things I can't do because of my weight. I know that I *can* lose weight, and I have (but regained most of it). Sometimes I get really into my weight, and when it's my top priority, I lose it. But then when I try to focus on something else important, I gain it back because I lose focus of whatever isn't my current pet project.

2) My house. Unless my obsession du jour is cleaning/organizing, I am a slob. When my house is clean, it's very very clean. And it makes me so happy to have it clean. I can't accept that I am a slob, because I feel so stressed when my house is messy, and I can't find things or have people over. I love being home when my house is clean, and I generally enjoy cleaning tasks, believe it or not.

3) My finances. I have also made good progress in paying off some of my credit card debt ... it was $17k, and now it's down to $11k. But I still feel like there are times when I'm really good about money and think before I purchase something and don't spend more than I have budgeted, and there are times when I am focused on other things and go crazy and spend what I want to (or feel that I need to) without regard for the big picture or the balance in my checking account. Some months I pay a large chunk of debt off, and some months I amass hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees because I was focused on something else (like losing weight ... in a weight-loss fueled time period, I'll spend a lot more on groceries and fitness gadgets and workout clothes and justify the spending because "I deserve whatever will help me lose this weight!"). I badly just want to pay off all this debt and be able to stick to my budget.

4) Work ... I get distracted at work, I am sure often because of my ADHD and some perfectionistic tendencies towards my larger projects (and resulting anxiety), but I also tend to get distracted by my current obsession (weight, organizing, cleaning, etc). I just want to be able to focus on WORK at work, all the time, or at least most of the time. And then when I leave work, I'd like to not think about it much anymore (within reason, at least). When I get into SUPER AWESOME WORKER ME mode, I tend to obsess, bringing work home, and just thinking about it all the time. And I might let other things slip because I'm so focused on making things as comfortable and easy as possible for me to do the best work I can.

5) Mood. Not sure if this belongs in this list, because I don't have a history of obsessing about this. But because of all the stress and frustration and all, I know I need to make taking care of my emotional health and mood a higher priority. My plans have been to set aside Sundays to do fun/relaxing things instead of errands / homework / chores, unless I absolutely have to. And making more time to just READ. And I know exercise and supplements will help, too, just like they will with weight.

In talking to both friends and a therapist, a common thread is that they think my expectations for myself are unrealistic and that I need to pick and choose priorities. My argument is that all of my expectations are vital and that I cannot drop any of them.

Also, it's not like I've never tried to focus on one or two goals at a time. I mean, I'm always trying to fix the things I am unhappy about, as I've mentioned above. At any given time, I feel obsessively focused on fixing one area of my life. And I do GREAT at it.

Like, last winter I was all about weight loss. I lost 40 lbs and 2 sizes in about 2-3 months by doing an hour of hard cardio a day, plus yoga twice a week, plus eating very regimented, pre-portioned Weight Watchers-pointed meals. I was a superstar, right until I simultaneously burned out on weight loss and panicked the hell out about something else I dropped the ball on, my finances.

I quickly got all psyched about fixing my budget, so I worked to correct the damage to my bank account caused during the weight loss bit (having spent a lot on assorted special diet foods and supplements, lots of workout clothes, etc), amassed and paid up any neglected bills, automated a lot of my bills, eliminating some expenses, and just doing a really good job there, and learning about finances a bit. It was great until it came time to maintain that. Then it was boring and I was off to the next thing.

It frustrates me so much, and the more I learn about ADHD the more it seems to make sense that I do this. I love the excitement of swooping in and making great plans and implementing them and getting stimulated over sparkling challenges and quick rewards.

But I can't live like this anymore. I just want to work on making some moderate changes to all of these parts of my life. Everyone keeps telling me to PICK something to focus on, and I'm scared of that. I think it's just going to land me right back where I always am ... obsessed with something until it's no fun anymore.

Can't I just be a NORMAL chick who is at a reasonable weight (I don't need to be really skinny, I just want to be in normal US Misses sizes!), who does work consistently, who keeps a reasonably neat house, and who can spend money and save money like a grown up? And who isn't a total basketcase all the time?

I just feel like what I want for myself isn't unrealistic, and that I just need to find a way to build moderate habits in all areas at once, building on them until I get close to my goals. But at the same time, it almost seems like having your shit together is an unreasonable expectation to everyone else.

So what do I do? Do I really have to drop some of my expectations? Or is there a way I can get closer to where I want to be?

Multimedia-filter: Looking for help from all you Network and digital media Gurus in making my first house totally awesome. Movies, Televsion, Music, Wifi, Streaming Content and 50mgbt broadband within.

Cogentesque — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:03:13 -0800

Multimedia-filter: Looking for help from HDTV, NAS, Media Servers and Network Gurus' in making my first house totaly awesome. Movies, Televsion, Music, Wifi, Streaming Content and 50mgbt broadband within. Ok guys, this is my first new message on metafilter, so thanks for everything thus far - to business.

The Premise:
In two weekends time, my girlfriend and I are moving into our first house together in Southampton (UK).

Thankfully she is very accomadating and shares the same views with me reguarding the wonder of technology and allure of gadgetry and thus: we have decided to go down the "cyberhouse" network route - all be it slowly.

What we currently have
50mgbt line and a Television package from Virgin.
2 relatively high-spec PCs downstairs (in the lounge) (XP/Vista soon upgrading to Windows 7 im sure)
A new TV - to be bought - (http://www.ebuyer.com/product/154997/show_product_reviews?offset=10&review_type=both&review_order_by=RLF - ebuyer's own)
1 ipod touch
Host of parts to make a low spec PC.

What I would like in my cyber house
DVD's playable on the TV
Normal channels (Virgin package) playable on the TV
Video (films, episodes) from PC's playable on the TV
Music, both downstairs and upstairs: DAB radio/Cd's/Downloaded Music/Online Radio (last.fm etc would be great)
The ability to change the music remotely (ideally, different sources for different rooms)

Some ideas I've been looking at so far
KVM Switch and a long HDMI cable for my computer to use TV as alternative screen - enabling videos from pc to be played
NAT Storage hiding somewhere in the network
Popcorn Hour to play video from PC
Sonos music system to play upstairs and downstairs
Media pc configured to do the job of sonos and popcorn hour (apparantly this is very tricky?)

What do you think metafilter? Remember that we are definately "on a budget" but I much more trust your collective ideas and conceptions than my own - so what would you reccomend should be my immediate course of action?

Help the pizza delivery guy find my house, please

The corpse in the library — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:09:19 -0800

It's hard to see our house number from the street. I want to get a sign or post to put at the end of the driveway. Suggestions? I'm finding plenty of people on-line who are willing to sell me signs, but they all seem to have rather sketchy websites or else the signs not my style. I don't want a wrought-iron rose, or a horse silhouette, or a Harley Davidson logo, but I also don't want it to look like a highway marker. (I'm not sure what I do want, unfortunately.)

It's important that the numbers be easy to see at night, and our street is dark. A solar-powered sign would be good but I live in Western Washington and the sign will be on the north side of a hedge, so I can't imagine it getting enough of a charge. Something reflective? Some super-sensitive solar cells? A big rock and a bucket of radium paint?

Oh give me land, lots of land under LA skies above...

rileyray3000 — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:48:29 -0800

Say I want to buy some cheap land in the Los Angeles area: where would I find such a listing online? Basically it's time to go from a renter to buyer. Only given that a nice two bedroom in Compton is still over 300K I think I want to go a different way.

I've been looking at some amazing pre-fab houses that are 100-150 all in and all up. Now all I need is a piece of property to put one on. So where do you look for that? Craigslist? Landhunter.com? Lotsoffun.net?

It's time to settle down. Please help me.

st starseed — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:45:39 -0800

It's time to settle down. Please help me. 7 1/2 years ago, I graduated from college. Since then:

I've lived in five different states - DC/VA, NC, FL, IL, MI.
I've had leases with six different apartments.
I've worked full-time for two pro baseball teams and part time for another. (I love baseball.)
I've also worked in a few other industries, including fundraising, DJing, and mortgage banking.

I've been lucky for a lot of reasons. Life has been good.

I like movement. Motion. Exploring new passions and learning about others'.

And today I did something that will likely put an end to all of this: I applied for a mortgage. My wife, whom I love dearly, wants a house. She has figured out what she wants to do with her life. She wants to be here in Michigan, where we both grew up. She wants a few children. She's ready to settle and have the American Dream life we're all programmed to have.

I also want to settle. But it doesn't feel like the right time, even though I know that eventually I have to settle.

Thus, to everyone: How do you know/did you know it was the right time to settle? Were you okay with it? Does a point come when it really does feel right?

Patches and tarps and caulk, oh my?

notashroom — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 09:58:23 -0800

How can I implement a temporary fix for a leaking roof? I've had various water issues with my 37-year-old house since I bought it nearly 5 1/2 years ago. The first was water running down the wall of the basement when it rained, which was resolved by replacing all the gutters and installing gutter screens (others were indoor plumbing issues and not relevant to this). I thought this might have resolved the problem causing water damage to the bathroom ceiling at the outside wall as well, but it has not. The damage increased so slightly as to be unclear whether it was new damage or not until the last several weeks and tremendous amounts of rain we've gotten in the Atlanta area. It's now clear that there is additional water coming in and causing further damage.

I cannot afford to hire a roofer right now. I expect to be able to do so in 3 months or so, and only need a fix to last about that long. I'm also likely going to need to have the bathroom ceiling replaced. My roof is shingled and sloped, 2 storeys from the ground at that point, and I have attic access and a ladder. I've read the responses to AskMes and found this question and that to be somewhat relevant. I do not want to put a tarp on the outside of my roof, but would be willing to put one in my attic (and then what?) if that would help. I'm smewhat comfortable making modest home repairs, but I don't have any great experience or expertise.

What is the best way for me to temporarily forestall further damage without a big cash outlay or anything that takes a great deal of know-how?