Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with homosexuality

How can I fulfill my fantasy?

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:40:13 -0800

I'm a female with this recurring fantasy about two men (my biggest fantasy since I was 15). How do I go about fulfilling it? Wait, there's a catch or two. [NSFW] First, I only want to WATCH two men have sex with each other. I don't want to be sexually involved. The extent of my physical involvement might include some S&M (me topping them) but no kissing or anything further.

Second, I'm married to a straight guy. We're firmly monogamous but he's known about this fantasy since we met, and since he can't fulfill it for me, he's willing to give me some leeway if it were the right situation. Some of his best friends are gay, blah blah blah, but he's not keen on watching gay sex, nor is he keen on leaving me alone in a room with two guys unless they are certified 6s on the Kinsey scale. In which case, why would they want me there? Kind of a conundrum, you know?

Besides, I don't relish the idea of being in a room with two strange men, gay or not. Maybe they don't want to rape me but that doesn't mean they don't want to steal my stuff. I'd much rather be able to view men having sex in semi-public situations, which is part of the fantasy, but that leads to another problem: I'm not a guy, so I can't get into bathhouses, and I stick out like a sore thumb in cruisy gay bars. I hear stuff happens in parks but I'm sure guys would scatter if they saw me approach. Plus, it's rude to watch people who don't want to be watched by you. I'm hoping some real live gay guys can chime in here and tell me how they'd feel - or use my throwaway email if you don't want to admit to sex in public (anonmefivoyeur@gmail.com).

So, any ideas on fulfilling my fantasy, or will I have better luck looking for unicorns and Bigfoot? I'm in the Chicago area, FWIW.

Trying to think out the ethics involved here ...

WCityMike — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 08:34:07 -0800

I have an ethical or logical quandary that I'm trying to puzzle out. I became an Eagle Scout in 1993. Recently, my membership in the National Eagle Scout Association came up for renewal; I declined to renew my membership due to the Scouts' stance on homosexuality, agnostics, and atheists. I feel that their positions are unethical in that they advocate discrimination and intrude into areas of people's private lives which have no relevance to Scouting.

However, unlike some Eagle Scouts, I declined to send in my Eagle Scout Award to national headquarters as a protest. I declined to do so because I feel that I earned that award by virtue of a lot of hard work over the course of my childhood and adolescence, and I won't deny myself an award I rightfully earned. (Furthermore, I did this work over years of service in which Scouting as a whole was nowhere near as neoconservative as they are nowadays.)

At the risk of sounding like a nerd, for shorthand, let's say that my feelings about Scouts are "principle x". And the caveat — that I won't deny myself the benefits of being an Eagle Scout — is "caveat y".

Now, I'm wondering whether or not to take "action z". Do you know how your college's alumni department got in touch with you a few years after you graduated, offering you the chance to list yourself in, and buy, a national directory of alumni, ostensibly one you could use to get back in touch with people, and for business networking purposes?

Scouting is now doing that with Eagle Scouts, and given the number of Eagle Scouts alive, that's going to be one huge directory — presumably a very useful one, given the number of Eagle Scouts alive.

I am trying to decide whether listing myself in the directory, and ordering a copy, is ethically consistent. On one hand, it breaks x because I'm giving money to them by virtue of purchasing the directory. I'm uneased by that.

On the other hand, the use of this directory for general networking could be invaluable, and thus, that caveat y comes into effect: this directory would definitely be a very useful tool for networking, and thus could easily be considered a benefit of having reached Eagle.

Given principle x, and given caveat y to principle x, is action z morally consistent with x and y? Or is it more moral to not participate in the directory?

(I know that speaking solely in a practical sense, whether or not NESA gets a few bucks from me as a trickledown makes little practical difference to them. I'm trying to consider the underlying principles involved, though.)

If you feel differently than I do about either Scouting, their positions, or how I reacted to those positions, I respect your right to feel differently, but that's not my question, and I prefer this thread not run aground on that.

How can I convince my mom that I won't get AIDS just because I'm gay?

GardnerDB — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 12:07:11 -0800

Help me dispute an anti-gay AIDS statistic from my mother. What (estimated) percentage of all AIDS cases are from gay sexual contact? Do homosexual men have more partners than heterosexual men? My mother is having a hard time accepting my sexuality and she's concerned I'll get AIDS. She sent me the following statistic from a Christian anti-gay organization and it doesn't seem accurate to me:

"AIDS Transmission

"The HIV virus is transmitted through the exchange of infected bodily fluids. Some 89 percent of persons known to have AIDS are homosexuals or intravenous drug users. Another 3 percent became infected through blood transfusions (most before blood banks began testing for the AIDS antibody), 1 percent are infants and children, and 3 percent are undetermined.

"These figures leave 4 percent of known AIDS patients who became infected with the disease through heterosexual contact."

Are there any statistics I can give her that might ease her fears?

How do you take homoeroticism to the next level?

captain nemo the dream squire — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:18:36 -0800

How do you turn your homoerotic relationship with your best friend into a full-fledged homosexual affair? I mean, you can’t just go straight to sucking cock …

Especially when, for most intents and purposes, you’re just fine with heterosexual relationships. You’ve been dating women for years, find them charming and attractive, usually more so than you do men, whom occasionally you find strapping, but certainly not strapping enough to ever follow-up on your obvious bisexual tendencies.

I just really like my best friend. He’s the coolest. Problem is, I don’t think he’s quite as gay as myself. The other day, in fact, he said, “I’m not gay.” But this was after his hand lightly grazed my thigh. To be fair, I’ve told him the same. We’re not exactly the most forward of men. Meaning, I can’t just ask, “Are you sure? You sure about that?” Because you know what he’d do? He’d begin rubbing himself in a suggestive manner. To be fair, I’ve done the same and just as suggestively. Everything’s always one big joke. So when he says, “You are one of the comelier men I’ve ever feasted my eyes on,” how can I tell if, at least on some level, he really does think I’m comely?

So then, how do you know if someone is more than a little bit gay for you? I do not want to alienate my friend. I do want to make out with him.

How to deal with a messy breakup

cscott — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:17:50 -0800

What do I take away from a messy breakup? Hey everyone,

It's Corey. After a long hiatus, I'm back. My first gay relationship ended two weeks ago. Let me explain the details below. All I'd like is advice on what lessons I should have learned from the whole experience.

So he's 33. I'm 25. We dated for 3.5 months and things were going great. We went on weekend trips together, he introduced me to all his friends (whom he said liked me and were extremely kind to me), and just generally had a good time. For the first few months we only saw each other twice a week because we were both busy and not living together. We had a few minor tiffs here and there. Once, when I was busy with work, and under a lot of stress, I text messaged him for two days in a row instead of calling. He was upset that I didn't call and told me that it wasn't too much to ask to have a brief phone conversation every day. I agreed, apologized profusely, he accepted my apology, and it never came up again. I would joke about our 8-year age difference in front of his friends (who also joked about it and hardly seemed to mind, since it was all in jest). He said it was irritating at times but didn't seem up in arms about it. I made fun of his "love handles" in a teasing way once and he said, "If you think you can make fun of your boyfriend's body in bed before sex, then you have a lot to learn about relationships ... granted, it's your first one." I apologized and he said sorry for being so sensitive about it.

Then, two weeks ago, when we had made plans for me to visit his apartment one evening, I called to confirm whether we were still on. He said that he had to talk to me about something important, and so he went ahead and explained that he'd been searching for a new job around where we live for over a year, but nothing turned up, and so the only real job opportunity that makes sense for where he is in his career is in another, faraway state. He would have to begin that job there in 10 months to a year and would be there for at least three years. Meanwhile, I just started a new job and can't exactly pack up my bags and leave with him. He said that our career paths were incompatible and that he would not be willing to try the long-distance thing because it would be too hard for him and we'd hardly see each other. He told me that if we'd been together for longer than 3.5 months--say, 2 years--a conversation about one or both of us making sacrifices would make sense.

I asked him whether there was anything else he wasn't telling me about the quality of our relationship, about me, about my parents (whom I told about him but who are still struggling with my sexuality and about whom he generally seemed anxious), my friends (some of whom he didn't seem to take a liking to), because even if whatever he told me hurt like hell, at least it would be the truth, and I could potentially learn something from the experience as I go forward. He insisted that his decision was purely practical because he didn't want things to be more traumatic than they needed to be a year later when he would have to move and break things off. He said that it had nothing to do with me or my personality or anything I said or did. I asked him whether he would date anyone in our city before he moves and he said, "Well, if I did, it wouldn't be for the long term, but I haven't thought that far ahead." I didn't say anything in response, but once that phone conversation was over, he called a few hours later to say that he really really really liked me and not to think otherwise.

That whole week was hard. I got numerous e-mails, phone calls, and (on one occasion even drunken) txt messages in which he told me how much he cared for me, how sad he was that we couldn't be together, how he couldn't get over me. He said that this breakup was really difficult for him and that even his best friend was surprised that he was struggling to move past a 3.5 month-long relationship. It seemed that, despite his greater experience in relationships and his age, he was having a harder time with the breakup than I was. A week after the breakup I called him to say I think I could try being friends with him (continuing as close friends was his idea) and he said, good, we should play things by ear and thanks for calling. I texted him on Valentine's Day when I was slightly drunk saying, "Happy Valentine's Day." I felt stupid for doing that, but he responded saying "You too!" and that he noticed that I changed my username on an online dating website we both used (and how we both met in the first place). So then I knew he had seen my profile and he knew that I had seen his, which he reinstated a week after the breakup.

I didn't make much of the fact that he reinstated his profile (he had cancelled it while we were together). I figured maybe he was just lonely and wanted to browse or perhaps he would update things once he was getting ready to move. Two weeks after the breakup, this morning, I noticed that he updated his profile: he added a new photo, changed his headline to say that he was looking for "Mr. Right," changed the lowest age in the age range of men he's seeking from 28 to 30, BUT kept the search parameters for the city we live in, not for the city he's moving to in a year. This all led me to believe that while moving to another city was probably a big part of the reason he dumped me, he hadn't told me the whole truth. Either he would rather date someone here for the short-term before he leaves (it's hard to see how that person could be "Mr. Right") or he's not moving at all and just didn't think I was "Mr. Right." He would rather meet other people than wait things out with me for the next year; he would rather call things off a year early.

I sent him an e-mail this morning calling him out on this. I said it was insensitive and cowardly for him to have broken up with me over the phone. I think a face-to-face conversation was in order. He's an adult and needs to be mature enough to deal with the unpleasantness of it all. Secondly, he obviously didn't have the courage to tell me that the relationship just wasn't working for him quite beyond the fact that he's moving in a year. He had told me early in the relationship that this job in another state was on the horizon and that he was excited about it but that nothing was set in stone so we should keep dating. Never once did we have a conversation about something seriously problematic in our relationship. Nor did he consult me about the (specific) possibility of our relationship ending because of this move; he just made his decision and told me by phone. But obviously if, as per his profile, "Mr. Right" is still in the city we're in and at least 30 years old, then he just didn't think I made the cut for him and he didn't level with me about it.

I told him that he was dishonest for doing so and handled the whole breakup very poorly. I feel insulted, betrayed, and disgusted that after a week of pitiful messages I had to learn that I just wasn't the one for him but that he didn't have the courage to tell me. I told him very specifically on the phone when he was breaking up with me to tell me the cold, bitter truth. That would have been so much better than hearing something sugarcoated, only to learn the nauseating truth two weeks later. I understand that we all hide some of the truth in situations like these to avoid hurting people's feelings, but I told him very specifically over the phone that I'd rather he do that than tell me something else which was a lie. My words were, "Please don't hesitate simply out of a desire to avoid hurting my feelings."

I actually said in my e-mail that I do not want to continue as friends with him, that I forgive him, wish him the best, and good bye. I don't know how to look at all this any other way. I can't believe he led me to think he really cared about me for so long only to be dick enough to update his profile like that knowing full well that I would see it. Now, I modified my profile too, but I'm not moving and will be in this city for quite a while; that's a key difference. Also, I feel insulted that he would rather date other people in our city for the next year rather than stay with me. Perhaps he is planning to change the profile parameters to the city he's moving to in the next few days (or whenever) but it's hard to see why he would begin looking for potential dates in a faraway state he's moving to a year ahead of time. It seems to me that, no matter how you slice this, he's the villain.

My question is, what do I take away from all of this? I feel so disappointed in myself for not seeing any of this coming. I thought he was such a great guy. I never thought anyone I was growing to care and love for could do something so contradictory, confusing, and hurtful.

Thanks,

Corey

I'm gay -- but do I only like straight guys?

Anonymous — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 06:20:35 -0800

I'm gay, and I'm afraid that I only like straight guys. I'm in my 20s and I've only really admitted to myself I'm gay for a couple of years. I've been on several internet dates over the past year and a half (perhaps 8 or so), combed through hundreds more profiles, met dozens of other gay people at things like speed dating and various gay clubs, and just not found too much that interests me. The few people who I've been really attracted to are straight. I'm a little terrified that I am somehow only really attracted to either a) taken guys and/or impossible goals and that this is some kind psychological malady, or b) that there's something about the personality/looks of the people that I'm attracted to that is simply is rare or nonexistent in gay guys. I like somewhat preppy, naturally sporty-looking guys who are simultaneously ambitious and unafraid to be themselves. They have a bit of a sharp sense of humor, maybe a little artistic bent, and yet have an odd innocence that comes from their uncalculating nature. Independent, intelligent, sharp dressers, naturally trim (though probably not a six-pack or anything), sociable, not too self-absorbed (maybe a little underconcerned with their emotions?), physically affectionate, a touch aggressive. Getting the picture at all? I'm not sure *I* get the picture but there it is.

Do gay people exist like this? Is there something wrong with my preferences that make it very unlikely I'll ever be satisfied? This is starting to worry me a bit.

'Tis the season for coming out?

GardnerDB — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 11:57:14 -0800

Is there a time of year that's "best" for coming out of the closet? In your experience, what did you do right and what do you wish you would have done differently when you told your parents that you're gay? Someone told me to do it right after Christmas because everyone will be in a good mood, esp. since they have the time off of work and the Christmas shopping and stress is over. But I don't want the family to always associate the holiday season with the their son's bombshell. So I'm not convinced that the holiday season is ideal for this.

(If it matters, my parents are divorced and remarried. Both are very conservative Christians and my father is a Baptist minister. Oh yeah, and my older sister came out of the closet two years ago and they always tell me how hard it is for them and how depressed they are and how they feel like they failed as parents.)

Anti-Christs

hermitosis — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 13:49:29 -0800

Who are the most dangerous "Christian" fundamentalist leaders? Inspired by this thread, I'd like to know about other "Christian" fundamentalist leaders who use their ministry to spread messages of hatred. What prominent (living) Christians will leave the ugliest legacies after they die? Like Fred Phelps, for example. Supporting links would be helpful.

Looking specifically for church leaders and spokespeople, but secondarily interested in individuals who are merely prominent in some other field but very outspoken in the manner described above.

Is it time to come out?

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 16:48:26 -0800

Next week apparently marks National Coming Out Week. Is now the time I've looked forward to for so long? In the many years that have gone by since it finally occurred to me that I was gay, I have confided in a whopping three people: all of them who I already knew to be gay. Frankly, I'd really like to just be myself.

I'm a senior in college. My college is celebrating National Coming Out Week.

Almost all of my friends are great, open-minded people. But there a few things holding me back:

- Current college roommates. While I have no interest in them, I worry that this will create a really awkward situation for them. (I count them as some of my closest friends.)

- I think that, while people will accept me, they won't think of me the same way.

- I'm not ready to come out to my family. I want to make sure that the information doesn't leak out. Is this is a real problem? Does Facebook make it harder to contain?

Do you think my situation warrants staying in the closet? (Especially with roommates?) I'm dying to come out, but I'd rather stay in than create really awkward situations all around.

Trouble on a "First Date"

cscott — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 16:12:55 -0800

Was it a first date? Can I expect a second date? Hi everyone,

It's me, Corey. You might remember some of my posts a few months ago about whether to call a guy you like but don't know well and about what it's like to be gay and in love with a straight guy. Well, I've made some more progress. I'm out and exploring the dating scene a little bit. I'd like everyone's advice about something that happened recently.

So, I met this gay guy at an early orientation session for the company I work at several months ago. He'll be starting work there in my division in about a month. We were having wine and cheese and chatting about our mutual interest in not-for-profit work. Eventually, I e-mailed him and found out that he's gay. We exchanged our stories and impressions about what it's like to be gay and in your 20s. He actually lives far away (finishing up the job he's about to quit) so after a while we lost touch on e-mail. But recently I was in the town he lives in (he'll be moving to the city where I live and work in a month) and sent him an e-mail asking if he wants to meet for coffee.

He responded saying he's busy traveling but suggested coffee or dinner. I agreed to dinner. He wrote back saying he had to change the original day he'd planned because something came up and he had to meet "another friend" later that day. When I saw that I wondered if he'd already written me off as just a friend, but I wasn't sure because technically we weren't even really friends (beyond a brief in-person conversation several months ago and a few e-mails) so I didn't make a huge deal about it. When we finally met, he drove to pick me up where I was staying, which was very sweet. He looked quite well-dressed, though the flip-flops were a bit casual. He seemed happy to see me again and we drove to a restaurant and chatted for over two hours on various topics: politics, religion, our mutual work interests, we laughed quite a bit, got each other's sense of humor, and he even mentioned that when he moves to the city I'm in, he'd have me meet his parents who are helping him move in.

As on any first date, there were a few awkward moments. I ordered the dish he proposed. It was good, but after a while, it was almost too salty. Having completely forgotten that he recommended the dish, at one point, I calmly said, "I can't have any more of this, it's a bit too salty" to which he said, "Oh, sorry." I felt embarrassed and said "No no, this restaurant is quite nice" to try to make up for being slightly rude. At the end of the date, he drove me back to where I was staying and rather than just dropping me off and saying good-bye, he pulled over to the curb and turned the car off. We chatted for about another half hour about what life is like in the city we'll be living and working in, what the nightlife is like, cultural activities, and how we'd balance work with leisure. He seemed interested in being friends at least. I felt some sexual tension but I can't be sure he felt it too. I closed the "date" somewhat coldly because I wasn't even entirely sure whether he considered it a date and wasn't going to try to kiss him (I'm not sure that's appropriate for a first date anyway). I shook his hand and said thanks for a great time and I'll see you soon. He said we should definitely hang out in the city once he gets there.

When I walked back to my friend's place where I was staying I felt bad about closing the date so nervously so I e-mailed him right away saying: "Hi, Thanks again for taking time out of a busy schedule to meet with me. I had a really great time :) Let me know if you want to meet up again once you get to the city. Enjoy the rest of your summer!" The following morning, he responded saying, "Hi Corey, You are quite welcome; it was great to spend the evening with you. I look forward to more fascinating conversations in the future; I will certainly let you know when I get to the city!"

So, my questions are: Was this a date? It felt like a date. We're both gay and single. We were alone at dinner getting to know each other. If it was a date, should I expect a second date? I felt that we had a good time, there were hardly any moments of silence; we talked about everything and seemed to understand each other quite well. If I were to go by the date, minus a few awkward moments, I'd say things went well. But do you think his e-mail response is positive or tentative? Normally, for a second date, people ask what the other person is doing next weekend, or about a new movie, etc. That doesn't apply here because he's not going to be in my city for another month and it would be a bit much to make specific plans that far in advance. Yes, I plan to wait till then to get a better sense about him and yes I HATE overanalyzing things but a part of me wants to know whether I even have a shot at a second date with this guy. I apologize for the lengthy post but your thoughts are most welcome! Hopefully, putting this in perspective will help me stop thinking about it so much.

Corey

Gay BF in NYC

seeminglee — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 14:10:11 -0800

What's the best way to find a boyfriend (gay) / Cuddle buddy in New York?

Homocuriosity

Mach3avelli — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 19:27:52 -0800

Why are gay people so flamboyant? Maybe I'm just ignorant, but it's definitely a trend that rises beyond my scope of comprehension.

I just spent the weekend as a volunteer medic for the SF Pride events, and it's a phenomenon that only really struck me when seen in its mass sprawl. It's something distinctively relegated to the gay community, in my experiences.

I guess I'm just curious as to why gay culture seems to be defined and celebrated by flamboyance, extravagance, and eccentricity.

In short, why do gay people act the way they do? Is it hormonal, adaptive-reactive, socially-constructed, etc.?

Where's my parade?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 09:31:17 -0800

Help me, if you will, loosen the ferociously tangled knot of my sexual orientation. I know, of course, that none of you are omniscient or psychic, and I'm not looking for an arbitrary assignment or diagnosis. I suppose I'm looking for general advice and feedback, personal anecdotes, and assurance that I'm not entirely abnormal - maybe a sort of sexuality compass.

I've assumed I was bisexual, or something like it, ever since I was a young teenager and fell in love - genuinely in love - with a girl (but never acted on it). Now I'm in my mid-20's and sadly, rather than clearing up like they said it would, my sexuality is even more nebulous to me than it was when I was fourteen.

Points in the GAY column:

I generally only masturbate to fantasies of women. Fantasies of guys are eh.
I really like lesbian porn (even that marketed to straight men). When I was younger, I could get off watching lesbian porn without even touching myself. Seriously! Straight porn, or any porn involving a man (although gay porn is slightly better), is really unappealing to me, even gross.
As mentioned above, I've been in love with, or had intense crushes on, several women. Big fluttering stomach butterflies, makeout/marriage fantasies, secret stratagems, the whole bit. Nothing has ever come of them, due to me being young or shy, or them being straight (although some were gay, and all were at least somewhat stereotypically "gay-acting").
I have a saucer-eyed fascination with lesbian culture. I love lesbian storylines in movies and books - they hit me deep. Reading The Color Purple and Annie on My Mind in high school - after I'd come out as bisexual to myself and a few friends - were very piercing and very lovely experiences for me.
I have, at times, even assumed I was a lesbian. I have a diary entry from when I was sixteen saying that I'd be willing to sleep with a guy I sort of liked, just to get it over with, but that was only because (I wrote) "I think it'll be only girls for me from now on."

So, if that was all you knew, you'd think I was a big old dyke, right? Well, let me tell you a few somethings:

I have been in love with, or had intense crushes on, more guys than girls. Starting from when I was about seven - big fluttering butterflies, makeout/marriage fantasies, secret stratagems...and so forth. When I was in high school, I almost solely liked girls, but otherwise, I've mostly preferred, and mostly fallen for, men.
I have slept with a girl. It was eh. It was such a non-event to me that I hardly even remember it. Kissing her was like kissing my own arm. The way I thought of it afterward was that it was how I imagine a very straight girl would feel about sleeping with another girl. I wasn't in love with her or anything prior - it was an experimentation thing for both of us - but I wasn't not attracted to her or anything beforehand.
I've unequivocally enjoyed being with the handful of guys I've slept with or hooked up with much more than sleeping with the girl - even guys that I wasn't totally wild about beforehand. It just felt right, at a very fundamental level, while being with the girl felt weird and kind of wrong.
Likewise, the idea of meeting and dating girls also seems weird and kind of wrong. Meeting and dating guys isn't actually that appealing either, but for a different reason - not because it feels wrong, but because I hate dating. Dating a girl seems weird because I think of girls, in general, as friends. I'd feel like I was participating in a weird charade if I tried to date one (other than the girls I've had crushes on).
I see myself marrying or settling down with a guy much more easily than with a girl.
I've been to lesbian clubs and went to a few meetings of my college's GLBT association. I have rarely felt like such an imposter. I felt like a straight girl crashing the party.
My good friends, who know most or all of the above, think I'm pretty straight. It's not wishful thinking - they'd be fine with me being gay. Whether or not it matters, I'm incredibly feminine and stereotypically straight-acting.

I am overthinking this, you say. Well, yeah, maybe, but it's been an unsettled part of myself for about ten years now, and any guidance would be nice since I feel like I'm sort of flailing with my own self-assessment. My easiest answer is that old overchewed gumwad "I fall for the person," but that doesn't really help with regards to finding a partner because I don't take much of an active role in it - it's always just happened (although less so lately, I like to think because my heart has turned cold and hard in post-adolescence.). It would also be nice to feel like I'm not totally alone here, since I clearly don't have an obvious subculture waiting with open arms.

I sort of feel like Margaret Cho - am I gay? Am I straight? Except I'm just not particularly slutty.

Advice appreciated! Land ho!

Will there someday be a pedophile rights group?

vanoakenfold — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 07:59:02 -0800

I've seen a fairly frequent amount of letters to the editor of our local paper about protecting children from pedophiles and heard in the news with increasing frequency about child sex offenders, so I was wondering.. Is there going to be a new fear-term dubbed pedophobia, in like manner that anti-gays are termed homophobics?

Any prediction that the concept of "hating" pedophiles will move from acceptable (currently) to unacceptable (later), just as homosexuality was illegal and socially detrimental to admit, in the not-so-recent past?

Do you anticipate there will someday be a rights advocacy group for pedophiles, re-educating us that pedophilia is a genetic condition and a legitimate lifestyle?

I am not attempting to imply that homosexuals are or aren't as "legitimate" as pedophiles, I am merely curious about the seeming current state of public perception about the two groups in comparison to current thinking on pedophiles in comparison to then-thinking on homosexuality - no disrespect intended in either direction.

Gay to Straight Woes

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 17:09:01 -0800

Have any MeFites had experience dating someone of the opposite sex after previously only being attracted to members of the same sex? I have previously identified myself as homosexual. I recently began a relationship with a very close friend of the opposite sex. I love them, but whether it is as a close friend or something more I'm not sure. It is difficult for me to stop thinking about dating members of the same sex. Sometimes I look at my partner and wish they were my gender; I still find myself in the "single person" mode and part of my head is still continually weighing options for someone of the same sex to date. The physical relationship with the current partner is good, but I wonder if it wouldn't be better if they were of the same gender. I wonder if I wouldn't feel more connected to them.

I want to give this relationship a chance; I don't want it to write it off as idle curiousity or a "settling" relationship until I "trade up" if I find someone suitable of the same sex to date. My partner deserves better than that and I refuse to do that to them. I don't know whether the difficulty in turning off the dating radar is normal for people getting off a long period of single-hood or whether it's rooted in my lack of attraction in general to my partner's gender (I still do not find other members of that gender attractive). I'm looking for guidance from others in my situation. How did your relationship start? Did you have trouble adjusting to the idea of yourself dating someone of the opposite sex? Did you have trouble not continually searching for someone of the same sex to date, or did that urge dissipate as the relationship progressed?

Straight to Gay?

schroedinger — Tue, 16 May 2006 07:57:02 -0800

Is it possible to move up and down the continuum of human sexuality? That is, can gays turn straighter or straights turn gayer? And how would you go about doing it? Let me say right out that I do not think homosexuality is evil, unnatural, or any of that garbage (I don't think that about heterosexuality either, for that matter). I'm just wondering how malleable sexuality is--can people change where they are on the Kinsey scale? If you're a 5 can you move to a 2? If you're a 3 can you get to a 4? What would you do--aggressive reprogramming? Dating the chosen sex a lot? These seem like silly, ineffective methods but given how other aspects of human nature can be changed it's hard to believe sexuality isn't one of them.

I've found this study by Robert Spitzer. But it has its own methodological problems. Aside from ridiculous ex-gay propaganda, there doesn't seem to be anything else out there due to the controversial nature of the topic. Has anyone found anything I haven't?

What pressures keep homosexuality in populations?

geoff. — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 12:04:03 -0800

From what I understand, homosexuality among humans throughout history (to the best of our knowledge) remains at 10%. Why is this? Are enough homosexuals propogating through heterosexual means to keep the genetic causes for homosexuality in the population? I realize that no one really knows what causes homosexuality but being that its not a voluntary choice we can assume that there is a genetic factor at play, right? Most things that prevent us to reproduce don't show up until past the child-rearing years. What's the current thought as to why homosexuality remains constant within a given population (assuming that this is correct)?

I read on Wikipedia about the idea that non-aggressiveness amongst males in paticular promotes homosexuality, which seems flimsy to me. The only thing I can think of, is that the societal pressures to be straight would be so great that enough homosexuals at least try out being straight enough to keep everything in the gene pool.

Or perhaps am I misunderstanding evolutionary pressures all together?

Is my child gay?

Anonymous — Fri, 24 Jun 2005 09:48:44 -0800

Could my preteen son be gay? He is a sweet, tender-hearted, hyperactive kid. He has been seeing a psychologist all year for his anxiety, negative self-talk, etc. He hangs out only with girls. They all love him. He has had an adorable girl friend all
year. He has almost no guy friends. He gets very nervous around boys his age. He has a hard time going along with the guy talk. I should add that he is bright, athletic, and very good-looking. His anxiety over boys, as well as having a lot of feminine qualities makes me think he could be a homosexual. My question is how can I know as a parent and how can I best parent him?

Homosexuality in history

Pretty_Generic — Wed, 09 Mar 2005 02:38:47 -0800

I want evidence of consensual practicing homosexual relationships (between, you know, relatively mature people) in the time of Moses; failing that, in the time of Jesus.

Gay twin studies?

painquale — Sun, 20 Feb 2005 18:11:17 -0800

Patty's coming out on tonight's episode of The Simpsons made me wonder how often it happens that one sibling in a pair of identical twins is gay and the other straight. Does anyone know of any twin studies about homosexuality?

Question number 15214

billysumday — Wed, 16 Feb 2005 10:35:11 -0800

Interested in percentage of blind since birth persons who are homosexual. [mi]

Question number 12625

repoman — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 10:07:51 -0800

Are there any reliable resources/studies that address the issue of being gay? (MI)

Question number 12401

grabbingsand — Thu, 02 Dec 2004 08:07:36 -0800

ProposedAlabamaBookBanFilter -- As mentioned in the Blue, there is a piece of legislation proposed by Alabama State Representative, Gerald Allen, that seeks to ban "novels with gay protagonists and college textbooks that suggest homosexuality is natural" from publically-funded schools and libraries. If Mr. Allen's bill survives committee and passes, I cringe to consider just which literary classics would disappear from the shelves of Alabama libraries. Which, if any, of your favorites will become suddenly verboten?

Question number 12265

axon — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 02:54:39 -0800

I'm in a long-term, gay relationship and looking to put together a will that puts me and my partner’s mind at ease before Civil Partnerships come into affect in the UK. The problem is, how does one go about putting together a will? What are people's experiences? Should I go to a lawyer specialising in gay relationships? And, if so, can anyone recommend a good one in the UK, London area?

Question number 12262

Sparx — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 00:34:29 -0800

Ok, so we all saw the hilarity that ensued the last time someone posted a contemporary religion vs homosexuality thread on the blue. My question is strictly academic. Does christianity truly object or is that a more modern concern based on mistranslation?

Points of discussion say one thing and then the other . I, for one, do not have the linguistic background to isolate the wheat from the chaff, and so I ask metafilter. Queer - damnable sin, or something to cleanse yourself of before you go to temple if you're jewish.