Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with homosexual

An American Idiot In Paris.

The Whelk — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 08:14:01 -0800

American Male In Paris For The First TIme: I've read the previous questions but looking for some exact things. I'll be staying in Monmartre' for a few weeks and looking for things that are uniquely Parisian, laid back gay spots, and clothing that'll make me look halfway human. Details below. 1) I'm staying for an extended time, so after I get the Tourist Checklist done, I'd like to feel a feel for the neighborhoods and the daily life of the city. My reading French is "okay" but my speaking French is *terrible*. Are there still tiny movie theaters?

2) I have an allergy to loud dance music but I also want to check out cute boys. What do I do to keep from getting a splitting headache?

3) My wardrobe is dying all around and for some reason I thought a trip to Paris would be the best way to perk it back up. Looking for clothing, cuts, or styles that are not normally found or hard to find in the States. Money is a *bit* of an issue, so it'll either be one big big item or a collection of awesome everyday stuff-accessories. I'm about 5'11 and on the husky end of 210lb and tend toward more traditional styles. Where would I shop?

Research supporting that homosexuals are born homosexuals

Prunedish — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:35:35 -0800

What exact research has been done to support the notion that homosexuals are born gay? I’m a person who believes that homosexuals are not born gay. I believe that it’s a choice they make. This often brings me into heated arguments with some of my friends who do believe gay people are born gay. During our arguments they often say that there is research out there to back this up, but they’ve never actually presented me with any of it. This leads to my question. I would like to see what research there exists, both for and against the notion that homosexuality is something you’re born into, preferably showing the methodology that was used, results concluded and researcher/s involved. I’d like to see this research not only to be better prepared for future debates, but to actually understand this topic. Is anybody here aware of anything I should be reading, preferably online but offline is fine also? My own Google searches have turned up the usual for/against arguments, but nothing with the more rigorous approach I’m looking for.

Coming out to only one parent

Elfasi — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:54:36 -0800

Tell me your experiences of coming out as gay to just one of your two living parents alone. I'm not interested in opinions from everyone, just opinions and accounts of people who have been through this either first or second hand. If you later came out to your other parent too, I'd love to hear about it too. So I'm in my 30s, both my parents are, or at least appear to be pretty anti-gay, though their hardline attitude seems to be gradually softening over the years and giving me some hope. I've spent most of my adult life convinced I could never tell them, but my Dad recently went through life threatening surgery and has been giving little hints the past few years about accepting who I am and such like. It made me realise just how much I'd regret it if he died never knowing, if he never knew the true me, and I hate how much the lies keep putting more and more distance between us.

Out of my two parents my Dad is the most level headed, rational, and I think the most capable of taking the news. My Mum I really wish I knew, sometimes I get glimmers of hope, sometimes I imagine the news would permanently break her, and our relationship. Ideally I want to tell them both, but as of right now I have decided to tell my Dad first, alone, and take it from there. A little more background, I've lived with a male partner, now ex, for over 5 years now, people think surely they've totally guessed but I'm pretty certain they havn't, they take denial to an artform.

So I'm wondering if there's anyone else out there who's made the same decision, told just one of their parents, at least initially. I'd love to hear your experiences of how it went, how they handled being the only half to know, if it ended up being a burden on them. If you eventually told your other parent, or they eventually found out or were told, how did that go? Was there anger/guilt at being kept in the dark for so long? What kind of ramifications do you set yourself up for in this situation? Does your other parent still not know? How's that been?

If you think this whole plan is a bad idea, please feel free to comment too, but only if you've personally had it go wrong or known someone who did.

Help me pick a marriage equality charity for donations

phearlez — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 08:49:59 -0800

I'm looking for a good charity to list as a suggestion on our wedding registry. Specifically, one that works for marriage equality for everyone. My darling fiancée and I have come to a happy compromise about how to handle our wedding registry, and it involves encouraging people to make a charitable contribution in lieu of a gift.

Our overall position is that we're delighted by any donation to almost any organization, but we intend to draw attention in particular to two: Habitat for Humanity and **BLANK**

I need your help picking the second one.

We would prefer an organization primarily working towards marriage equality. We'd be okay with one focused on dealing with the recent California and/or Florida propositions in particular, but would prefer one that has a nation-wide focus. We'd be okay with one that works for gay rights in general but would prefer they are focused on marriage rights and issues in particular.

I am unhappy with the work of the HRC on this issue so I'm not willing to use them for my specific suggestion. My darling found the organization Marriage Equality USA but I haven't found them in Guidestar and I'm not supporting a charity that I can't find a form 990 for.

Who should we list, and why?

Come out already, damn..

ad4pt — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:53:04 -0800

How do I help my obviously gay, claiming to be straight roommate come out of the closet? I live in an apartment with two other roommates, “James” and “Jane” and they’re cousins and they’re both 21. I am best friends with Jane and very good friends with James since high school.
His first year of college he went to southern California. He had trouble adjusting, didn’t fit in anywhere, he joined a rugby team but because they didn’t immediately befriend him he dropped out. During his year away he became very depressed and began smoking cigarettes. The next year he moved to the school that my other roommate and I attend.
Although his depression eased a little, it is still there and effecting his decisions.
James has had a girlfriend since the end of high school.
They’re very cynical and antisocial. When he’s not around her he is more social and open to doing new things but when they’re together they drag each other down. They’re both intelligent and his girlfriend goes to a very prestigious school but they act as though they’re above everyone else.
In addition to James’ depression we also have noticed after he came from school a huge drop in weight. He has developed very strange eating habits. He’ll eat a can of garbanzo beans for dinner with hot sauce and he travels with specific food.
He has an obsession with the Saddle Creek label- all of their artists. His room is decorated with Saddle Creek memorabilia. If I hear the Tilly and Wall or Rilo Kiley’s Black light album one more time I’m going to burst.
We feel like much of his behavior is contrived so that people will think a certain way about him. Like a planned explanation for why he is the way he is.
We think he is gay. Everyone he meets initially thinks he’s gay. All of my friends ask me if he’s gay in private and are surprised to find out he has a girlfriend.
He seems to have a crush on my boyfriend, like a little kid crush. They have a lot in common; they both enjoy video games and music. My boyfriend is very personable and wants to have a good relationship with my roommates however even he has noticed James’ affection towards him.
When I’m in my room with my boyfriend (WHEN THE DOOR IS CLOSED), James will barge in with my boyfriend’s favorite vodka and a movie or a proposition for a strange adventure that he would not normally embark on with Jane and I, even though we invite him to do things like that all the time.
When he knows my boyfriend is coming over he’ll clean the house. When my boyfriend is over, he’ll exclusively talk to him and ignore Jane and I. He’ll try to look “cool” by drinking and smoking weed/cigarettes, which is unusual for him.
When James has his girlfriend over the door of their room is open all the time, even when they sleep. He has told us before that he and his girlfriend play a game to see who can hold out the longest without having sex- he brags that he always wins.

SO…
We want to know how to help James make the transition from straight to gay. Jane and James’ gay cousin and his boyfriend have both said that James is definitely gay. They recommend that we assume he’s gay and just treat him as such but we feel that he is more fragile than that and would easily get offended and annoyed. Basically we’re looking for a way to ease him out of the closet because we feel he’ll be much happier and positive. We want him to enjoy life and not feel so trapped.

Friend was fired today for being homosexual. State of Iowa.

lutzla23 — Wed, 28 May 2008 11:44:23 -0800

Friend was fired today for being homosexual. State of Iowa. I know she has the opportunity to file for unemployment but does she have any recourse for lawsuit for unlawful termination Today around noon a friend of mine was fired for being a homosexual.

Couple of weeks ago my friend (female) was called into executive management meeting where it was discussed about her lifestyle not fitting company ethics and “not the type they wanted working there.” She was asked to sign an ethics/code of conduct form that she would abide by – she did not sign.

During the next few weeks clients under her were assigned to others as well as all subordinates were reassigned to other supervisors. She and I had assumed they were trying to drive her to quit.

Today around noon she was called into the office and was fired and asked to leave immediately.

We both live and work in Iowa.

I know that Iowa does not technically have a discrimination clause against sexual orientation and also is a At Will state where people can be fired/let go from their employers without notice or reason.

I know she has the opportunity to file for unemployment but does she have any recourse for lawsuit for unlawful termination

How to develop gaydar?

anniepants — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:18:36 -0800

I am a heterosexual woman. However, I am consistently attracted to gay men. How can I develop my "gaydar"? I know many women "like" gay men, as they view the majority of them to be sensitive, nonthreatening, easy to talk to, etc., which I guess are all the same positive qualities I see in them. It's becoming a problem though because I don't just like them, I actually like them. It never fails that the guy I'm interested in happens to be gay, but I never know this until I've expressed my interest.

I generally shy away from guys who are forward enough to hit on me, so I usually like to be the one to approach the guy first. I can spot a flambouyantly gay man but if they are at all subdued then I'm clueless. Is there a way I can develop better "gaydar" so that I stop hitting on homosexual men?

I'm gay -- but do I only like straight guys?

Anonymous — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 06:20:35 -0800

I'm gay, and I'm afraid that I only like straight guys. I'm in my 20s and I've only really admitted to myself I'm gay for a couple of years. I've been on several internet dates over the past year and a half (perhaps 8 or so), combed through hundreds more profiles, met dozens of other gay people at things like speed dating and various gay clubs, and just not found too much that interests me. The few people who I've been really attracted to are straight. I'm a little terrified that I am somehow only really attracted to either a) taken guys and/or impossible goals and that this is some kind psychological malady, or b) that there's something about the personality/looks of the people that I'm attracted to that is simply is rare or nonexistent in gay guys. I like somewhat preppy, naturally sporty-looking guys who are simultaneously ambitious and unafraid to be themselves. They have a bit of a sharp sense of humor, maybe a little artistic bent, and yet have an odd innocence that comes from their uncalculating nature. Independent, intelligent, sharp dressers, naturally trim (though probably not a six-pack or anything), sociable, not too self-absorbed (maybe a little underconcerned with their emotions?), physically affectionate, a touch aggressive. Getting the picture at all? I'm not sure *I* get the picture but there it is.

Do gay people exist like this? Is there something wrong with my preferences that make it very unlikely I'll ever be satisfied? This is starting to worry me a bit.

Turkish men kissing?

kraigory — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 23:59:26 -0800

culturally normal for turkish college-age men to kiss before bed? I recently got a new college roomate, and he is from turkey. He has a friend here with him, also from turkey. The other night when his friend left our room, he gave my roomie a big kiss (probably on the cheek, i didn't see it real well 'cause i was behind them) goodnight. Is this a normal cultural thing, or could my roomate be homosexual? Note that he does have two luis vuitton bags, although I know that isn't really weird for men to be so stylish in most parts of europe.

So, if anyone familliar with turkish, or just general european culture and customs could enlighten me as to what's going on with my roomie and his friend, I would appreciate it. PLEASE NOTE that i'm not trying to discriminate or anything here, I wouldn't care if he was gay, but i'd just like to know.

Thanks!

Queer mexican kidnapper film?

Item — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 22:32:32 -0800

Please help me remember the name of a 1970's Mexican film about homosexual kidnappers. The only other details I remember are that the kidnapee was a young boy and that it took place in Mexico City.

I saw it at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin one afternoon in the spring of 2002. I'm pretty certain the screening I attended was the only one given and that it might've been part of a series of similarly themed movies. Or not.

Please kindly take your contradictory book away.

ikahime — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 12:24:02 -0800

What is the best (if any) way to deal with anti-gay Christian protesters on my campus? So it's Pride Week here at my University, and one can always expect the Christians to roll out with their bible-thumpers shouting in your face, and kumbai-ya-ers singing terrible 2-chord hymns. Is there a good (if any) way to respond or retaliate, or to encourage them to leave? Or should I just lump it like I always do and ignore the hateful diatribe I must listen to on my way from the library to the coffeeshop?

How can I learn to love an asshole (and I don't mean someone who is inconsiderate)

DarwinianDan — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 10:27:43 -0800

[GaySexFilter] Help me overcome being disgusted by buttholes. If I don't get over it soon, it's going to be a major problem for me in relationships. I'm a 25 year old male and trust me, I'm gay. No need to post responses like, "Are you sure you're gay?" I love men and men's bodies. I just can't seem to get over being totally grossed out by buttholes. I should tell you that I am a virgin, so I've never actually touched, licked, or sniffed one. But I've seen some porn and can't stand to watch the parts where they "rim." I can watch the actual sex, but I don't like looking at the hole. I just concentrate on other parts of the anatomy instead. If I were straight, this wouldn't even be an issue. But since I'm gay, I realize that most sex acts that gay men like to engage in require use of the brown hole.
The hairiness is kinda gross, but I think the slight brown skin color is nasty. I also have a problem with the fact that shit comes out of the butthole and it can't be entirely sanitary. Maybe you can wash it with antibacterial soap before use, but still...it's a shit pipe! Even if it is properly cleansed, it still icks me out. It wouldn't be very romantic if I asked to cover my partner's ass with saran wrap before I licked it.

Has anyone else ever been afraid of the big brown eye but learned to love it? Was anyone else afraid before they had sex the first time and then found out it wasn't so scary? Advice please. The question might sound absurd but it's actually a serious issue. Thanks!

Legal/Social problems with physically helping gays conceive?

Anonymous — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 12:07:45 -0800

Legal/Social ramifications of giving reproductive stuff to a same-sex couple who wishes to conceive? I happen to be friends with people of all walks of life, and often find myself in the company of people who are gay and lesbian. I have a friend, through my place of employment, who is lesbian and has been in a stable, sanctioned (commitment ceremony) marriage for almost 8 years. They've been very solid, commited, and are very calm with their sexuality.

They have also, earlier, tried to conceive with a sperm bank. However, due to timeing and other issues, were unsucessful. They have wanted to try again over the years, but are unable to for financial concerns.

I know about this due to my friend opening up to me as we were getting to know each other better over lunch. I, without much thought, said "You know, I sure do have a lot of sperm I'm not doing anything with." After we stopped laughing (and I blushing), I recanted a bit - she was flattered at the pseudo-offer, but I let her know I was fairly serious if she needed it. We agreed to talk later if she did, and finished our lunch. (Note: There was zero awkwardness. She seemed really interested, and asked me if I was sure before I again stated I was.)

We haven't talked about it since, and a few weeks ago, I told my wife about the conversation, and I asked her what she thought of the idea, and if they asked, what she would say about it. We talked at length, and came to some serious questions that we couldn't answer.

1) I'm *not* interested in being a father at this point in my life. While I understand that donating sperm makes me a biological contributor to the genetic makup of another human being, it is far from making me a father. But, by the same token, I would only want to have an arms reach relationship with the child. I would also prefer that the child not know I was part of their biological makeup until they were quite a bit older. Is this selfish, and make me a bad candidate for something like this?

2) I would only want to be legally responsible for the child in the death of both parents. (I know that this is an odd turn.) My wife expressed concern that she would be uncomfortable if the original parents, for some reason, did not stay the original parents due to death. I agree. Does this sound fair and right to anyone else?

3) Is this just an overall bad idea? The beauty of sperm banks is the anonymitity of it all, but I also truely want to help my friends get a child if it's truely what they want. I feel like it's such a small thing from me, but such a huge gift to them that it makes me happy just to think about it.

4) While the joy of giving is 99% of my reasoning behind doing this, I would be wrong to not mention that I also feel my genetic makup is supurb, and am slightly convinced to give just so I can help propogate that though the species. I feel guilty for this, though. Am I wrong to feel that way?

Lastly - in regards to concern 1 and 2 - is there a way to legally contractualize all of that? Would I appear crass to, say, require them to legally wed in Mass. and sign this agreement before giving up the seed? Is that even some way to make sure that it holds? Would it be worth the paper it's written on?

Oh, and has anyone else done this? If so, can you tell me what your experience has been and what you'd recommend?

Thanks for any responses. I'd post this non-anonymously, but I really do have to worry about everyone's privacy with this one.

...hey sailor

cadastral — Wed, 14 Sep 2005 20:45:53 -0800

What is the origin of the stereotype of the lisping homosexual? ...what does a speech impediment have to do with being gay?

gender neutrality

xo — Mon, 25 Apr 2005 14:56:14 -0800

Suppose you are talking to someone (an acquaintance, a workmate, a person at a party) who you are pretty sure is gay. This person is talking about someone s/he is dating and is being completely gender neutral. What is the appropriate response? Do you maintain gender neutrality with your questions and comments (which can get awkward and feel silly)? Do you make a comment that includes the phrase "he or she" to indicate that you're aware that it may be either and that you're nonjudgmental (but potentially putting this person on the spot to pick a gender and out him/herself)? Do you pick the likely gender and continue the conversation blithely the way most people do in assumed-heterosexual conversations (again with the potential outing)? For the purposes of this exercise, assume no one else is in earshot.

Tell me me about your experience of being gay in the military

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Nov 2004 09:20:15 -0800

Are there any queer mefites with military experience?

I'm thinking of enlisting in the U.S. army after I graduate from university this spring. As in, I really want to do this, depending on MOS restrictions my red/green colorblindness impose on me. One of the things I have to consider, though, is my penchant for sleeping with members of my own gender. I think I "pass" pretty well, but I'm curious if there's anyone out there with experience spending time in the military closet, or alternatively, you have associated with a soldier whom you knew was in the closet. If you have general military advice, feel free to lay it on me, but I have probably seen most of it one place or another. As in, some might be tempted to tell me to get a commission if I've got a bachelor's, something that doesn't interest me.

Thanks for your help!

Online community software needed

moonbird — Fri, 19 Dec 2003 08:21:37 -0800

I'm toying with opening a site based upon the MeFi model for LGBT issues and community building. What software programs do MeFi and other online communities use to administer the system? I've really only installed MT and other simple programs before, so I'm looking for ease of install as well as ease of use... Thanks in advance!