Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with homeless

What is a creative way to successfully accommodate homeless populations?

Mike Mongo — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:42:12 -0800

This post inspired this question: What can be done on a community-scale to successfully accommodate our island's homeless population?
Homelessness seems like a conundrum. Here on/in Key West, for instance.

Here on Key West, an island 2miles wide by 4miles long, because of:
1) our island's perpetual, ready access to alcohol and marijuana;
2) our temperate climate, and;
3) our reputation for tolerance and acceptance (the official philosophy of the city Key West, "All people are created equal members of One Human Family"),...
we have a sizable population of people who are homeless.

Because houses for people who move here now go for $250,000-to-$10,000,000, we have a number of the homefull people who are/get upset about this.

Completely exasperating the problem is a history of island-over development which has virulently reduced the availability of open space. This lack of public and undeveloped space has led to a density crunch. We have a standing population of 25k but with visitors and tourists we regularly have a population of 40k-to70k. During the week-long Fantasy Fest celebration (think rockstar Mardi Gras), the population can go over 120k.

That's a great many people on an island that is 2miles by 4.

Right now, with the winter approaching, our homeless population increases even triples. And most everyone works around it. But here's the rub: No one knows what to do.

Our people who are homeless fall into four types:
a) leisure class (hobos, rainbow kids, "hippies," back-packers);
b) mentally ill;
c) fallen through the cracks, needing a hand;
d) outcasts (dirtbags, good-for-nothings, other names meaning users of people).

Of these, many have substance abuse problems. Key West is a natural landing spot for substance abusers. Not only are alcohol, marijuana and crack easy to come by here, Key West is literally the end of the road.

There is not enough space for camps. Moving people to another key is only so successful since the availability of goods and drugs is on Key West.

So the question of what to do to achieve some long-term success in interacting with people who either are [homeless-and-need-help] or are [homeless-and-do-not] is impacted by our natural limitations of space and resources but even more so by virtue of the fact that aside from boats there is only one way on the island or off and back to the mainland (via the 110-mile newly declared "All American Road" US 1 Overseas Highway).

Meaning, once you get to Key West, especially by foot or hitchhiking, you are here.

Consequently, people are always working on homelessness.

Now my own practice is to "adopt" individuals who are hopeful candidates who I work to transition to stability. This actually works. All I do is provide cel phones ($10 plus $10 for phone card), availability to showering and similar resources, and a reference. Working with the police department enables me to further validate individuals. Lastly, helping to secure lost documentation such as social security cards and drivers licenses can all the difference in the world.

For me, this has been the most successful approach. It is personal, it means making time, and it means practicing compassion and patience, but the results are great.

But on a larger scale, advocating such an approach is problematic. Many people who are homeless have mental health issues, ranging from mild schizophrenia to full-blown bi-polar disorders.* This can present challenges beyond most people's capability to manage.

*Horribly, such conditions are often worsened by police officers implementing a "no overnight stays in public places" policy which means constantly waking up sleeping individuals, creating senses of confusion, disorientation, and persecution, and subsequently reinforcing existing conditions: Sleep deprivation is like poison.

Which leads me to wonder, what can be done?

I mean this: With all the communities and individuals being impacted by the challenge of accommodating people who are homeless, and with all the good and compassionate minds working on the challenge, what is working? Because I want to know!

Because I want the world to be better! I want to help people who need and want help! And we are open to new ideas and new ways of thinking here on Key West!

help me find [his/her] life on the edge

mayhap — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:34:36 -0800

I'm looking for a fascinating piece that I read a few years back that painted an extensive portrait of the lives and culture of runaways and other people living on the margins, written from personal experience. I think it was very long, divided into two pages, and possibly specifically directed at writers whom the author was criticizing for getting their culture wrong. I remember that s/he alked about getting started mugging or shoplifting, how to handle yourself in fights to minimize the amount of actual fighting you would be forced to do, and I forget what all else. One part that I particularly remember asserted that people in this sort of situation could be very conservative sexually but promiscuous emotionally, or something like that. Although I particularly want to find this piece again, I'd also appreciate recommendations for anything similar. Thanks!

Please help me put my life back together.

MyMetaAccount — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:09:18 -0800

I've finally realized that I have a gigantic mess of mental issues that almost certainly require therapy and medication. Depression, multiple kinds of anxiety, who knows what else. Please help me figure out how to get better. Me: late 20s, male, educated, in the US.

I've finally decided that I have a serious mess of mental issues that require sorting out. It's going to take a while to get everything sorted out. I am all for therapy and medication. This is not a situation where I need to be convinced that there is something wrong.

My challenges are as follows:

* I'm unemployed. More than this, I worry that I'm unemployable as things currently are. My experiences with work have generally been horrible. When I have worked professional jobs, it gets where I dread going in, I feel numb when I come home, I think about quitting constantly. I don't entirely blame the jobs, some of it was probably me and some of it was probably just a mismatch between type-of-work and me. But, the thought of work terrifies me because of the bad experiences I have had. Also (see below) my current living situation makes looking for work very difficult. On the other hand, I am a very hard and conscientious worker, I value work and I think it is psychologically very helpful and important. But getting from where I am now, to steady employment, well it just seems impossible.

* I'm essentially homeless. I have some savings which are keeping me in cheap motels and fed with fast food. Exercise and diet are simply awful right now. I don't know where I'm going to be sleeping more than a couple days out, if that. I find myself completely unwilling to put down roots anywhere.

* I have essentially no social network. Currently I'm in a city far away from where I come from and where the few friends and family that I can confide in are. I refuse to go back there because the area is frankly toxic to me (not because of my friends and family). In any case I have already leaned very heavily on them, more than is healthy for me or fair to them. I can't do that any more.

Anyway if anyone has any ideas to make my life suck less, that would be great. I'm terrified that I'm going to run out of money before I figure things out, and then I'll be on the literal street like so many other people I see.

I don't really know what kind of solution I'm looking for. I basically need a place where I can retreat and pull myself together. I guess I'm asking how to get things started. I've scoured AskMeFi and read a zillion questions plus searching elsewhere. Most of these questions are submitted by people who have their lives somewhat together already even though they don't know it, so they have resources to draw on in one area to improve things in other areas. But I have nothing together and nothing to draw on. I'm hoping to get answers that are more helpful than just to buck up and slog through. If it were as easy as just getting a room and a job then I would do it, I would have done it already.

I haven't said where I'm located right now and that is on purpose. I don't like where I am now and I don't plan to or want to stay. I'm open to almost anything almost anyplace.

None of this really bothered me until they set out the poop bucket

missmle — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:12:09 -0800

Sort of homeless/drunk dudes have set up camp on my street! Please read all of this before dismissing me as an unfeeling NIMBY!! Part of the street I live on is the back of a supermarket. There are some trees there and a strip of grass that slopes down from the back of the building to the sidewalk. Every once in a while a group will congregate there and drink beer and take naps. I know it’s beer because they leave the cans. Once, my neighbor saw someone getting a blow job but that’s about as wild as it gets. In the last few months, though, a group of sort of homeless guys has set up full on camp there. I call them sort of homeless because they keep bringing broken down vehicles with which they leave parked on the street right in front of the grassy hill they hang out on.

This taking up of permanent residence all started when a trashed camper trailer showing up. Sort of like this, but really dilapidated. The windows were covered in cardboard and the door was sort of taped on. It wasn’t attached to a car; it just rested on its hitch. The guys were living in it and they posted an almost incoherent note on the door asking for the police not to tow it because it was having mechanical problems. None of this really bothered me until they set out the poop bucket. They ran a plastic hose from the sewage tank into a big bucket outside. Waste just dripped into the bucket and the flies swarmed around it. You could smell it down the block. Then the visits started. People who appeared strung out began coming and going at all times of day. I used to live on a street a local newspaper once referred to as a “crack bazaar”, I know what crack heads look like; these were crack heads.

Eventually a neighbor called the abandoned vehicle number to report it, and not to long after the trailer disappeared. The guys also have an inoperable van they park on the street. On Street sweeping days they get another guy to push it with his car and they steer it to the other side. I guess that’s sort of amazing.

After the trailer left, the van stayed but I didn’t see the guys for a few days. Well, a new vehicle has shown up. It’s an old delivery truck with a door, like an ice cream truck. It is also a wicked mess. So now they live in there at night and get drunk on the grass during the day. The problem I see here is that more and more of their friends show up every day. Some of them bring their carts of cans and things and they leave them on the sidewalk while they go do other stuff. I recognize a few of them from having seen them in other parts of the neighborhood. Most of these guys are alcoholics. Whenever I have seen them in other parts of the neighborhood they are drinking on the street. Now that I see them every morning I can confirm that they start the day with a shared jug of tequila. They usually start drinking at 6 am then pass out on the grass until the early evening. They leave a really bad mess and they pee everywhere. I’m not joking; I have seen them peeing everywhere.

Here’s the thing, I don’t know what to do, or what I CAN do. I mean, it’s really just not cool for there to be a camp setting up on the street right there. There have been days where you can’t walk down that side of the street in the middle of the day because there are guys passed out on the sidewalk. My neighbors have called the cops and they never show up. Do we just keep calling the cops? Is there some other organization I can call? These guys aren’t panhandling, I don’t think they are looking for social services, I think they just want a place to park their broken down vehicles and get drunk all day and pee on the walls. I don’t want to be that uptight asshole harassing the homeless when they should be helping them, but I think this is a different type of situation, right? If it makes a difference this is in Los Angeles. Oh and I did look at this post, but it seemed like exactly the same situation.

Mental health from states away

lizjohn — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:19:31 -0800

What can an adult son do to help his homeless, possibly mentally ill mother states away? My husband just got a call from his aunt that they have found his mother living homeless by the river in Madison, IN. My husband (27) has not spoken to his mother (55) in two years and the relationship has always been strained. He has long suspected that she is mentally ill and moved out as soon as he could. I have had little experience with her, but here is one example. She came to visit us and her other son 3 years ago. One night of the visit, my husband and I were going to take her out to our favorite restaurant. While we were at work that day, my husband gets a call from her saying that he is "sneaky and deceitful" and that she wasn't going to allow us to take her out to dinner. She then rented a hotel and stayed there the rest of the visit (she had previously been staying with us). Both my husband and his brother asked her what she meant, but she wouldn't tell either of them. I have no idea what it could have been. She didn't call him for a year. Next time they talk, she accuses him of being on drugs and hangs up on him. He has never done drugs in his life. My husband tells these horror stores from his childhood. I don't know what type of illness she may have, but according to family, it's been getting worse.

His aunt (who also has a strained relationship with her sister) wants my husband and his brother to come out and have some sort of intervention. What are their legal options? We live in AZ and don't have much money. We can afford a couple of flights, but not much else. I know it's very difficult (if not impossible) to get someone committed involuntarily. She is apparently very deeply in debt and hasn't been employed in over a year. She has her MA and she used to have a successful career. Would the state of Indiana pay for any sort of help? She's lived there almost her whole life. I saw the other question earlier this week, but I was hoping someone would know something pertinent to Indiana, or about children helping parents. She divorced my husband's father years ago, and he has since passed. She doesn't really have anyone close to her. What about social security? Or state health care?

Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks for letting me ramble on a bit

How can an injured homeless person expect to be treated at a hospital?

Sully — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 08:13:37 -0800

How can a homeless person who has been injured (stabbed, for instance) expect to be treated at a U.S. city hospital with no money or health insurance? Surely they wouldn't let him bleed to death? And if they do turn him away, what are his options?

Who gets arrested when our "urban outdoorsman" sign holders break the law?

whiskey point — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:01:56 -0800

What are the legalities of utilizing a homeless person/vagrant/urban outdoorsman for marketing purposes? I've read up on "Bumvertising", but other than some negative feedback from homeless persons advocates (wikipedia) what happens when one of these "employees" happens to do something illegal? (Many people in our area make decent money holding "please help" signs at major intersections/interstate off ramps in our area during the summer)

To any of you Mefite lawyers, unorthodox employers, or anyone with vast amounts of knowledge: Who would be at fault if, say, someone holding a sign with a company's message on it were to break a law? I'm thinking like stab someone, etc. while being handed a coupon?

Who would be at fault?
•The marketing agency?
•The business being advertised for?
•Simply the person holding the sign?

The sign holder would be compensated with cash/gift cards/food, for the record.

Another question: What happens if this person is involved in an accident (being struck by a car, heat exhaustion, other job hazard)? What are there rules for this type of temporary, guerrilla employment?

these new eyes of mine

hydrate — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 07:21:20 -0800

When do you stop to help a homeless or disabled person on the street? For the past three Sundays, I've gone to the same outdoor marketplace. I've been here countless times in the last 14 months that I've lived here. But the last 3 times, I've noticed this same person.

He sits on a pedestrian overpass, crossing over a busy street. His face is terribly burned and disfigured. He's in rags. He has no hands. He has a can in front of him, with a little money in the bottom.

The first time I saw him, I looked away and kept walking. But I felt terrible. The next week, he was there again. I was with a friend and asked if maybe we should stop and do something. He gave me that age-old line that giving the homeless money does very little to actually help their situation and is really just a way to make YOU feel better. Again, we kept walking. All week, I've been thinking about this man. He was there again today.

This time, I just couldn't ignore him. Heart pounding and all nervous, I quickly dropped the currency equivalent to 20 bucks in his little bucket and kept walking. But about 20 feet later, I stopped. I had to turn around. I went back, knelt down and wrapped the scarf I was wearing around his neck. I put my hand on his shoulder for a moment and just looked in his face before getting up to walk away.

This experience has shaken me in a way I can't describe. It wrecks me that he's invisible to so many people. It wrecks me that I walked past him 2 other times and did nothing. It wrecks me that I can't do more. The whole thing just...wrecks me.

That's a long intro to my question: What is the best thing to do when you see an immediate need like that in front of you? Is it actually helpful to stop and give a little money or buy them a meal or cup of coffee? Or are actions like that an effort to ease your own guilt? Are you really just enabling them to stay in their current situation?

In every city I've ever lived, I've walked past the homeless without really thinking or noticing. Today I stopped. I'm ashamed it's taken me this long to see and I feel powerless knowing what to do with these new eyes of mine.

Who best helps the homeless?

evil holiday magic — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 21:09:12 -0800

How can I help Southern California's homeless? I don't have the time or inclination to volunteer directly, but I want to contribute to those involved in getting homeless people back on their feet. Does anybody have a favorite program that gives people down on their luck options for finding things like work and affordable housing?

Anyone know of a movie about a social worker who pretends to be homeless?

whatideserve — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:50:30 -0800

I've got some sketchy details about a movie I'm looking for & I'm hoping it will sound familar to someone here. The movie is about a young social worker who is working in a homeless shelter. To learn more about being homeless, the SWer pretends to be homeless herself and befriends a homeless woman. The homeless woman gets very angry when she finds out that her friend is actually a social worker & is not homeless. It may have been a Lifetime movie or something as equally cheesy. Any ideas?

A Shaggy Gentleman

electronslave — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:11:50 -0800

What is the difference between liking travel and being a global bum? From the tender age of six months, I've been rambling around the world nonstop. I'm considering departing my current location and settling in another, but I'd be sacrificing yet another relationship, yet another job, yet another life. So on. What do I have to look forward to, anyway? Finding out that girlfriend #n has yet another exotic STD?

Can someone else with a compulsion to move every so often tell me what's going on? When I was 18-22, I was fine in one place -- take a road trip, the itch left me just fine. When I was 23 and 24, same deal but longer haul. I had to really put my soul into escape. Last year and this one have seen me jumping like a flea between continents and countries, doing what I please, in every sense of the word "do." I can't make myself stay still or feel happy, and something is very very wrong.

Yes, I understand the acceleration of time as one gets older. It hurts, but that's not the question.

Am I becoming a bum? Whereas before I had to have a specific Dansk flatware set, a full set of Bodum Bistro glasses, Great White plates/bowls/teapot from Pottery Barn, a full 1000 thread count dining set from Linens and Things, and a bedroom set from Crate & Barrel ... now I feel like I'm happiest living on the street with long underwear and a toque, programming websites on my eeePC for booze money.

Can someone else along this path answer my next question: am I an entrepreneur for hiring other people to do my jobs for me, or am I entirely insane? I'm fairly sure this business venture is illegal, but it seems like if I make enough cash, I can immigrate here.

And dear sweet internet, spare me from romanticizing my ordeal, like this dude here, k?

One more week to find a place

squidlarkin — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:01:42 -0800

Is apartment moving always this hard? For everyone? I feel like I must be missing something. Apologies for this vague, panicked, ranty "question" but I really would like to know what I'm doing wrong and how to avoid this in the future. As far as I can tell, the process goes like this:

-Most openings don't start getting posted until a month before the move-in date.

-Your existing landlord needs to be notified in advance, so you're already committed to moving out.

-The vast majority of places require a $30-$50 credit check fee per person, non-refundable, guaranteeing nothing, before you're even in the running. Which severely limits how many places you can apply to unless you have a lot of money to throw away.

-At least four other people have applied at each apartment. Some of them have better credit and references. Eventually you find out that the places you applied at have all been giving to someone else.

-You start checking prices of self storage units and calling in your couch-surfing favors and hope next month goes better.

Except I don't think the last step is part of the standard procedure for most people. So what am I missing?

How do I photograph, help, and respect the homeless in my community?

JRGould — Sat, 17 May 2008 07:45:40 -0800

Hey MeFi, long time listener - first time caller here. I'm looking for guidance on how to help out the homeless in my community, further my photography career, create awareness, and do this all with the utmost respect. I've had this idea for a bit and now I feel really compelled to bring it to action. I want to go out into my community with a camera, a recording device, and some compassion to interview and photograph some of the homeless that most people look through every day. I'm pretty sure that my local weekly will help me to publish these photos and brief stories and I think it would be a great way for me to overcome some fears, take some great photos, and hopefully help these less fortunate people by causing awareness in the community, as well as providing them with some sort of 'thank you' that will make their lives a bit easier, however momentarily.

So to cut to the chase I have a few questions:
1. How do I approach this in the most respectful manner possible?
2. What can I give these people? Preferably something that can be donated by local businesses and in a large enough quantity that I don't have to only give it to those who agree to be photographed, interviewed, and sign a release.
3. What questions would be the best to ask?
4. Is there anything missing from this equation?

Thanks so much for all of your help! (I am leaving for the day now, but I am anxious to check in on all of your sagely advice tomorrow morning!)

Graduation gift for a future homeless counselor?

scottso17 — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:43:22 -0800

My sister graduates college this week, and I want to get her a gift that will be useful for her at work. She'll be counseling homeless people at various shelters and other locations in Washington DC. Besides pepper spray (our running joke), what are some practical gifts I could get her? Price is not important. This will be her first time in the workforce, so some general work stuff might be good, but I'm at a loss for ideas. Also -- something that a mobile worker (i.e., without a regular desk) could use might work too.

I tend to buy her techie gifts, but that's certainly not a limitation. She's very stylish and loves trendy things.

Thanks for your ideas.

Help us fill 100 hungry bellies.

deathofme — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 11:40:01 -0800

Help us fill 100 hungry bellies. We want your ideas for a good meal to serve one night at a temporary warming shelter. Our group of four is in charge of dinner for the night of March 14. Our main limitations are that the meal be hearty and filling, but not too complicated. And, since we all work 9 – 5, that it can be (mostly) made the night before and heated/finished the night of.

Ultimately, we want to make a full meal with entrée, sides and salad.

We are expecting approximately 100 people.

This is in Michigan and it’s cold!

Staying classy as a homeless in San Diego

hobbes — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 14:20:05 -0800

Staying ~~classy~~ cheap in San Diego.. where should I stay overnight? And any neighborhoods to avoid? Flying from SF down to San Diego to listen to a Robert Irwin lecture in La Jolla. Don't have any hotels/hostels booked, and I wanna minimize how much I spend.. what are some parks I can stay in overnight without being bothered by authorities? If this is actually too sketch, I'm open to staying in a hostel, but it seems like most of them only accept out-of-state, or international residents.

Thanks.

PS Anyone wanna climb on Friday, or Saturday? I'll bring my harness and shoes in that case.

Homeless in Florida

pearlybob — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 14:23:37 -0800

Temporary emergency housing in Stuart, Fl.? A very good friend has found himself in the awful position of being evicted tomorrow. The reasons are long and varied, some his fault, some not. Regardless, he needs a place to stay ASAP. He is a wonderful person with a teaching post at a very established institution. He's just had a run of bad luck. Any ideas what someone in this situation should do? Resources? Etc.? Any help is VERY much appreciated.

Trying to avoid being a Lady Bountiful

Jess the Mess — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:17:17 -0800

Is it condescending to give money and/or food to a homeless person when the haven't actually asked for it? So, as I was walking home this morning in the gray drizzle I noticed a man sitting under my el station, on a piece of cardboard with his dog, listening to a radio. I have never seen this guy before and there aren't all that many homeless people in my neighborhood.

I sort of smiled at the guy as I walked past, as I normally do to people with cute dogs, and he smiled back at me in a friendly way but made no attempt to engage me in conversation. He definitely wasn't leering at me or trying to get me to come over or anything.

I don't usually give money to homeless people who aren't Streetwise vendors but I'm a sucker for animals and in my mind anyone who's a friend of animals is a friend of mine (and it was clear his dog was well-taken care of). I know it would just be a band-aid solution (and yes I have volunteered at homeless shelters before) but I would like to help this guy and his dog out a bit. However, I don't want to be an insulting asshole since he didn't actually ask me for money.

Do you think I should attempt this or mind my own? For what it's worth, the area where he is is safe and well-lighted with plenty of people passing through, so on the off chance he turned out to be a psycho I think I'd be okay.

Homeless Amputees

shwynn2 — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 07:06:37 -0800

Why are there so many homeless amputees in my city? I live in a large southern city of more than a million people. I work downtown, and though I have lived in large southern cities my whole life, I am floored by how many amputees are around our downtown. I work very close to the city's largest homeless shelter, and on any given day I see at least 6-8 men who are missing one or both legs, some of whom I recognize, but there are always new people as well, some in wheelchairs, some on crutches.

At first I assumed they were veterans, but now I'm not so sure. They seem to range in age from 18-70 and are either caucasion or african-american. As for the younger guys, I know they could have served in many recent conflicts, but wouldn't the VA have given them prostheses? I've only seen a few men with prosthetic legs.

Is this all related to simple lack of healthcare? Small injuries leading to large infections and amputations? How are so many missing both legs then? Why is it all missing legs and almost no missing arms? It's really been boggling my mind.

How do I get a homeless person(s) to stop peeing in my front doorway?

tangelo — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 15:39:08 -0800

How do I get a homeless person(s) to stop peeing in my front doorway? My friend has a business. There's some person who, at some point during the night, pees in the building's doorway. This happens almost every night. My friend installed a bright light in the doorway that stays on all night, but that didn't stop the night urinator, so my friend installed a four-foot-tall metal gate across the front of the doorway AND added an attractive ficus tree/plant thing as well. And then the next day my friend went away on business and left me in charge. The following morning there was urine on the doorstep. Apparently the gate and ficus are no kind of deterrent whatsoever.

What can I do? Short of staying up all night, lying in wait? And supposing I did catch the person peeing in the doorway -- what would I say or do? (I'm a short, extremely non-threatening-looking woman.)

Good lord.

somersault — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:15:53 -0800

How do you maintain dignity and self-control while being dumped? Furthermore, where do you live? I realize there are a million questions floating about on Ask MetaFilter in regards to post-break up blues, heartache, et cetera. I've skimmed through as many as possible but nothing seems to quite fit my situation and inquiries. I hope my questions, though cliche, are not redundant.

Previously, I posted this question in regards to my now defunct relationship. He broke up with me last night. Please feel free to insert my regret, stupidity, and humilty right here. Needless to say that I did not break up with him nor did I even mention that I had been seriously considering it. Firstly, this is because I am a coward and despite my "slumbering" displeasure, I would rather endure than face it. Secondly, this is due to the fact that although we were not together for a long period of time, we were living together. I moved in with him several months ago. The lack of my living options (due the fact that I'll be moving in the fall for grad school) were definitely a deterrent to breaking up with him. He covered most other expenses. I know. I'm an awful person.

Anyway, last night we got into another horrible, alcohol-fueled argument and he broke up with me. We have had similar arguments in the past month, one in which resulted in me packing some of my stuff and threatening to leave. In the light of day, the issues we argued about were petty and absurd. However, the smallness of such arguments obviously did not negate the blow outs that took place. I feel that I am mostly at fault for these arguments. Had he not cared about me as much as he did, I think things would have ended a lot sooner.

Long story short, he told me to pack my things and get out. After some negotiating (on my end), he slept on the couch and I slept in the bedroom. He said some things about the possibility of working things out the next day. In the morning, he woke up early and took a walk. I began packing some of my belongings. When he came back, he did not say a word to me and got ready for work. Despite the glaringly obvious "get-the-hell-out-we-are-over" evidence, I felt at a loss. I asked him if we could talk and he shortly retorted that he did not want me to be there when he got back from work and then left. I promptly left as well, carrying my purse and a small shoulder bag.

Aside from the emotional upheaval of the situation, I feel completely fucked in other practical issues. I have nowhere to go and limited funding. It is impossible that I could put both a down deposit and one month's rent as of right now. I could possibly scrounge up enough money within the next two weeks, but that is two weeks from now. As far as family and friends are concerned, I feel they are out of the question. Has anyone here slept in their car for an extended period of time? Have you ever been in a situation where you do not have anywhere to live for the next two weeks to one month due to a break up? If so, what did you do? How does one go about applying for a second job (to earn more cash) without a mailing address?

Also, several days before our unexpected break up, he gave me an expensive birthday present. Would it be wrong of me to either return it to the store or pawn it in hopes of making ends meet now? Or do you think I should give it back to him?

Furthermore, I am supposed to pick up the rest of my belongings (some of which I need right now in order to job hunt) on Sunday. How do I deal with this difficult situation? I am very angry, sad, and hurt. I wish we could work things out and part of me believes we could. Then again, I might be the delusional ex. Regardless of what is plausible and what is not, I know I should not act rashly. I know I need to be objective, which is difficult for me right now. I also know I need to avoid being the crazy, needy ex begging for reconciliation. I feel that would just frustrate the situation. Is there any hope for reconciliation? If so, what can I do? If not, what can I do to make things easier? As stated previously, there are some things that I left (in my haste) that I need to assist me in finding a job or a living space. Would it be inappropriate of me to contact him tonight and ask him if I could stop over?

Sorry for the lack of brevity. Thanks in advance.

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

elr — Fri, 18 May 2007 09:21:50 -0800

Should I leave the city I've spent my whole life in when it seems like things are starting to go my way? [apologies in advance. more information than is probably necessary/confused word vomit follows] I'm 24. In my whole life I haven't spent more than three consecutive weeks outside of Chicago. I love this city with all my heart and soul, but I feel like I should see more of what's out there. It seems stupid not to.

I don't know if I should move or just travel. I don't really have any responsibilities right now. I'm not on the lease at my apartment and all of my income comes from temp jobs and gigs. I'm in love, but she's thinking about leaving soon too. I don't want to be one of those idiots who leaves town because of a girl only to have everything fall apart, of course if nothing falls apart, then I guess I won't be an idiot.

If I'm just traveling, and not moving altogether, I don't have a lot of money, and will probably be running the squatter/punk house/friends'-and-family's-couches route across the country. I could see this as a good thing, I'm kind of sick of being tied to all this stuff. I'm kind of sick of trying to live this lower-middle class-with-an-upper-middle class-safety-net artschool brat life that I understand on what is usually a poverty level income.

The problem: All of my art school fantasies are coming true little by little. I'm starting to get published in the free papers and the Chicago websites and making some inroads on the real papers. I'm getting paid good money just to DJ, and people are starting to come to me about doing shows and collaborations and such without me asking them first. I've got a lot of good friends, and a lifetime's worth of connections built up. I'm creating things and getting things off the ground and a part of some things that I think are truly special. I don't know if any of this will carry over to a new place, or if stopping the momentum would be a terrible idea.

Besides, for all my life's worth of good people, fun places and secret routes to get from here to there, I've also built up a lifetime's worth of people's perceptions about who or what I am and how I act, a lifetime's worth of hate and cynicism about the city and the scenes within it. I feel like if I went to a new place, and really put my heart into it, I'd have that same wide-eyed Everything is awesome look I see on the people who show up here.

If I go... where should I go? Where's a place where I'll be able to peddle zines and DJ and make awesome weirdo friends and get a decent job if I need one and a good job if I want one?

How can I help the homeless?

palet — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 22:05:31 -0800

How can I help the homeless? I find myself interacting with homeless people every now and then, and would like to be of some help when I do so---perhaps let them know about shelters, job programs, drug recovery programs, etc.

I realize helping the homeless (or helping people in general...) is a rather tricky issue. I think respecting the dignity of people is very important, and I would hate to send somebody to some careless organization that would do more harm than good. I live in Atlanta, and did some search for homeless shelters here. I'd like to know a few "good" ones, but it is hard to tell from the websites. Do you know about any good (nationwide or Atlanta-based) organizations?

Sometimes I do things like getting one guy some coffee in a cold morning, giving another some extra food I have, etc. (I try to avoid giving money). Do you you have any (positive/negative) comments about such things? Any other suggestions?

If you have worked with the homeless, or have read or thought about these issues, any philosophical/practical thoughts/advice, or pointers to good reading material would be greatly appreciated.

Quick, Easy and Free Emergency Shelters

dropkick — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 05:47:18 -0800

I need ideas on emergency shelters, for the homeless in urban environments, as well as for out in the boondocks. Must be inexpensive or free and easy to set up. Please blow my mind.

Where did it all go wrong?

ChazB — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:32:46 -0800

Are there any confirmed and documented cases of famous people that have lost everything for one reason or another and ended up broke, alone, and homeless? Guns 'n' Roses' Sweet Child o' Mine just played on the radio here at work and it got some of us talking about how great they were. I make a joke about how poor, crazy Axl Rose was going to end up either dead in a hotel room full of hookers and blow, or broke and homeless wandering the streets of LA singing for spare change. It made me wonder if anything like this has ever happened before.