Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with help

WorkAccidentFilter: Help me protect my mother.

jofuu — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 07:52:07 -0800

She's burned her hands at work and I fear the company doesn't even want her around. Here's a little (err, lengthy) backstory...

My mother just turned fifty years old. Previously, she ran her own house cleaning business for seven years before her arthritis forced her to leave. Over the past few years she's gone from job to job, never really fitting in and usually leaving (or being let go) from around 6 months to a year. Mostly she has picked up work waiting at various restaurants, but at five feet tall, diagnosed with post-trauma stress, alcoholism and arthritis it shouldn't be too difficult to understand why things haven't worked out. Unfortunately this is the type of work she's done all her life.

She has a tendency to be overbearing in that she never stops talking (in part, I feel, from the very solitary lifestyle she's acquired.) She doesn't really have friends because of this and, having no friends and little family who care to deal with her stress, has absolutely no confidence and seems to be always throwing herself under the bus in an effort of falling under the good graces of others.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So last week she started at a little soup shop that just opened up in her town. After a few days of training they eventually stuck her in the back kitchen thawing and handling bags of hot soup (160 - 200 degrees F). After her first day she complained that she had burned her hands. (The shop didn't supply their workers with any sort of protective wear) She had even attempted to explain to her boss the situation, but he was "busy". By morning the pain had not gone away so she visited the walk in hospital where they told her she had first degree burns and that she shouldn't be handling anything so hot in the near future. She was advised to have her boss file an accident report and then file workmen's comp.

The next day she was scheduled to work the front register and she went in as scheduled. Upon arriving she learned she would once again be handling the hot soup in the kitchen. Knowing that if she complained, not only would she incur the scrutiny of her boss, but her coworkers also - she stuck it out another day in the kitchen (she said her hands had been feeling better and would work with them). Last night she calls me up crying because again her hands are burned. She called the hospital back and they told her she should DEFINITELY not have worked in the kitchen, and that until she files workmen's comp. she shouldn't be working at all. So she called out of work today and explained what was needed before she could return. My obvious concern is what repercussions her attendance will have on her future employment with the company, and if the negligence on the part of her boss is wholly unwarranted and due, in part, to a personal bias against my mothers individual persona.

In the event she is let go, or neglected to the effect of her leaving, how can I protect her? I just helped her sign a lease on a new apartment and I don't know what we will do if her income is cut off. For the past few months she has received unemployment (which we will only partial now that she has a new job).
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her situation is recurring. The opinion of her family and former friends generally falls somewhere between sympathy and an attitude of questioning her ethics and values. She comes from a staunchly lower-middle class family (Catholic, nonetheless) but the town she was born and raised, which she raised my brother and I, has been slowly inculcated with an air of superiority due to a flood of new money. Life here is too fast for her, no doubt, but there is no where else to go. (and I can guarantee you, if there was money for a lawyer I wouldn't be posting this on Metafilter, no offense :) )

Yes, she struggles with alcoholism and has been charged with various petty charges due to her behavior when drinking, but she attends all the programs the state demands of her (at the expense of her time/energy/money). She's a very lonely person who doesn't have the means to help herself, and most people around her blame her struggles solely on her, or at least cannot make the effort to see the effect of the larger social system on the individual. One last thing I would like to mention is that, when she realized she had a drinking problem years ago she brought it up to social services and asked for help for the three of us, wherein DCF charged her with neglect and threatened to remove us from the home. She was in the middle of getting a degree so she could become a teacher and, now with much time wasted due to the neglect charge, finished her degree for nought. (At the risk of this becoming a tirade I would just like to throw it out there that in my opinion social services in the United States have much more to due with maintaining a population of workers than it does with helping individuals better their lives.)

Help with cartoon Film

maxmix — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:09:10 -0800

It is a 60's or 70;s cartoon film, it starts live action and involves a boy who enters a cartoon world, I seem to recall a winding road, and has a Dr Suess kind of feel to it.....Pretty vague I know, but it's all i can remember, apart from it being shown on Cartoon network about 10 Ish years ago, any one help me??

I'd like to help anonymous people stuck at the train station, but avoid being scammed in the process

mathiu — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:27:18 -0800

Earlier on AskMeta there was a question on being conned. I gave 50€ to a pregnant couple at a train-station - both couple and money I never saw again. I'd like to keep helping - but avoid being scammed in the process. How do you differentiate between "fishy" and "worth my help". Have you stopped looking at these cases altogether? A few weeks later I was on the train. My credit card didn't work and I didn't have enough cash on me to pay the conductor.

A woman (that I hadn't talked to before) gave me 15€ on the spot. She later explained that she had been stuck at a gas station with a similar problem where someone had lent her and even higher amount (100€).

I'd like the world to stay such a good place (ahh, warm feelings). Tell me some stories: when were you faced with a similar dilemma and decided to help/not to help? What are your decision strategies in such situations?

New facebook privacy

four panels — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:04:06 -0800

New facebook privacy settings. How do you hide friends from Google search results? How do you hide fan "pages" from non-facebook friends? Are these now permanently public?

How do I not feel like a failure?

biochemist — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 10:38:15 -0800

I failed high school -and- college. How can I not feel like such a failure/cheer myself up? In High School, I had problems with procrastination and completing work, which I attributed to living in an abusive household. I also had social anxiety, so all of my friends were online. I had zero real-life friends.

I ended up not passing. I took a year off before college and did the therapy/self-help thing, in hopes that I would get good grades and make friends in college.

I got accepted into numerous colleges because of my high GED/SAT scores, and I got over my SA. I felt like my life would finally turn around. I chose a college in a small, scenic area just outside of a big city, in hopes that would satisfy my love of nature as well as my love of big cities.

I get to college and attend all the social events, try to get people to hang out and what-not, but my social skills are still too subpar and I end up with just one friend. To top it off, Small College is -way- too small for me and I end up going stir crazy, yet can't afford to travel to Big City most of the time.

Work-wise, I put all my effort in and still get poor grades. I realize it's because my school goes for "understanding" and not "blind memorization." I start doing well, but then when exams roll around I run out of time on all but one. I feel like crap, the procrastination and etc problems set in again, and I start failing... again.

I go to the doctor to see what's up, because I thought those issues would go away once I was away from home. I'm diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds, but too late. I'm not allowed to come back in the spring, and my final grades will all be failing, or if I can get a medical leave (not likely) I'll have no records at all.

Which means that I am officially two years behind where I should be, which sucks because the only reason I took a year off was to ensure this -wouldn't- happen. The only good thing, I guess, is that I can use the spring to get a technical degree I'd had my eye on for years.

I feel like a failure. An utterly lonely failure. I haven't felt this bad since my four-year relationship broke up some years ago. I hate that I put so much effort into making friends and still failed, and that the work thing was just de ja vu.

There's no way I'd get accepted into another college, so I'm stuck going stir-crazy for another year while I make up my grades or moving back home with all the stresses there and going to the local community college.

How do I not feel so hopeless, lost, depressed, terrible, etc? I feel like I'm nothing. I'm in the exact same position I was in high school - the girl who is alone all the time, with no friends, who gets terrible grades.

I know I should see a therapist, but I've been to numerous therapists over my lifetime and only one has helped, so I'm not too keen on that right now.

Lesbian assault help

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:00:09 -0800

My first lesbian experience quickly became assault. What do I do to take care of myself now? While I'm a queer female, I've never actually been with a woman before. I was at an event that promoted safe exploration of female sexuality. I'd sussed out the org for a while and did research before going in; they had a long list of rules and procedures and had a history of organising such events so I figured I'd be OK.

I spent most of the night observing what was going on before jumping in. Unfortunately I happened to get the one psycho of the group - a crazy hyperactive (later I found out she was drunk) girl who didn't know what she was going, was rough to the point of pain and bleeding, and was very insistent. Despite me begging her to stop and be gentle (she knew it was my first time), she kept going, or she'd change up and then go back to being rough and painful.

I was in near shock and it didn't hit me that it was assault until I got into the taxi home and started crying. Ever since then I've been having flashes of memories, the smell of people's bodies would set me off, and I just feel so lost.

I've been talking to some friends (esp those active with the queer community here) and they've been fantastic with support and resources. But I'm not sure where I can go for help. Looking up "lesbian assault" on Google gets me porn. A lot of the abuse/assault resources are for women attacked by men; not so much for women attacked by women.

I've emailed the organiser (though I think she knew what happened already, just emphasising the gravity of the situation) and I have a doctor's appointment today to check that there hasn't been terrible damage. I did use to see a psychologist for other things, but I'm not sure if queer sexuality is an area she's experienced in. But where to now? I'm going to a big family event overseas in a couple of weeks and they're really conservative (even my very liberal sister was a little bit judgemental when I told her) and I don't want to start breaking down halfway through the event. My boyfriend has been really supportive of everything, but I don't want to rely on him alone for help.

What can I do to take care of myself? Where can I go? (I live in Brisbane) I seem to go from feeling OK to feeling like crap as a yoyo. I keep feeling like I should apologize to someone but I don't know who. I don't want to press charges - I don't want to go through that whole process and I hardly remember the other girl's name. I just want to be able to heal.

Emails can be sent into agirlinpain@care2.com

Help me not be a psychogirl.

Anonymous — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:23:04 -0800

I'm exhibiting behaviors typically attributed to the architypal "psychogirl." And I hate it. Another complicated relationshipfilter (I know, I know). Ok. I dated a guy last year, who was (and is) seemingly everything I want in a guy: independent, funny, handsome, ambitious, financially independent, creative & scientifically minded.

Problem: he just could not cut his severely close emotional ties to his ex, and would habitually come to the her rescue— even for little things she was capable of doing herself. This obviously started grating on me. (Caveat: I am ALL FOR being friends with exes, but the ties that keep you thisclose need to be severed for real friendship to occur.)

So at that point, we were about 5 months in, and he dropped a casual, "I think I might love you," right dead smack in the middle of a conversation and let it go. Never talked about it again. And I didn't have the chance to respond.

So about a month later, this bombshell was starting put me on edge and felt I needed to respond. I was starting to get nervous about the "where is this going/why won't he just let the ex go" type stuff. I was thinking about him obsessively (for me, anyway), and started distrusting him. I decided to grow a set and just tell him I loved him. Which I did. It did not go well.

He needed more time, so I gave him that. Meanwhile, I had started birth control, which evidently TURNS ME INTO A LUNATIC. The symptoms of lunacy came on gradually and imperceptibly, and pretty soon I was acting as close to pregnant as I have ever gotten. Obsessive, weepy, naggy, needy, frustrated, etc. And neither of us could figure out why I was acting like that. (DUH.)

BUT! Let's recap. I, at that point, was dealing with:
1.) an omnipresent ex
2.) potentially (??) unrequited feelings
3.) the birth control from hell

I couldn't stand it anymore- I was losing it. So we broke it off, I cried for multiple months, went to therapy, got healed, went off the birth control. Those were awful, awful months for me. A "turning point in life" type of awful.

Eventually, a year later, everything became clear, as it often does with hindsight. I did not like the situations we were in, but I can't help feeling that I would have dealt with them exponentially better without the birth control. (NO SHIT.) And I also believe the situations have changed, as in the ex is no longer so much in the picture.

Cue to about a week ago: I ran into him (after about a year) and we got to talking. Which led to dinner, which led to drinks, which led to him confessing that he misses me, joking about being brought back together, and telling me he never stopped thinking about me. I essentially responded with, "Whatever, buddy," but didn't exactly throw a drink in his face either.

So now it's on my mind. Great. He called to tell me that he'd had a great time that night, then went incommunicado. And I'm kind of getting back into the mild psycho-y habit of "where the hell is he? Why hasn't he called? What is he doing? I see he's online..." And I hate it. Severely. It's just not me.

So, my elevator speech questions are these:
1.) If he pursues, should I respond? Does he get another chance? (If so, No. 2 still needs to be fixed.)
2.) How in god's name do I just stop being a psychogirl, whatever the answer to no. 1 is? I want to not think about him, live my very busy life, and just take it a day at a time.

#Help, Mefi!

If you have follow-up questions, email at: recycle.not.throw.away@gmail.com

HELP! Need Wedding Playlist!!

madmamasmith — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:35:50 -0800

HELP! I am (was) using my ipod instead of a DJ for my wedding that is in 10 days and it just CRASHED! It synched to my computer without warning and now all my wedding playlists are GONE! I'm a dope and only very recently started using an external hard drive...long story short I need help to rebuild my wedding playlists. With the stress of the wedding planning I cant even remember to poop, let alone the collection of music ive been building for years!! I would appreciate ANY and ALL recommendations but I need the most help with the dance portion. I love all kinds of music from all eras and I want to make sure there are some dance hits from my school days ie TLC, SWV etc but I also want to play some newer hits and I am suffering serious brain fart. I'm also 6 months pregnant so I have baby brain as they say.

So far my playlists are thus (in a nutshell)

Preceremony/seating:

sun kil moon, joni mitchell, elvis, alasdair roberts, some instrumental stuff etc., peter gabriel

Dinner/Cocktail:

cocteau twins, yo la tango, van morrison, fleetwood mac, sufjan stevens, nina simone, otis redding, nuetral milk hotel

Dancing:

MGMT, MIA, Soldia Boy, JAson Derulo, Kool & the gang, outkast, madonna, pssion pit, cure, aha, TI, iggy pop, peter bjorn and john, daftpunk, the knife, george michael.......

What can I do to cope with rape?

Anonymous — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:01:35 -0800

I was raped in a foreign country. Going home is not an option. What can I do to cope? I don't even know where to start. This is going to be disjointed, but I don't care. If anything is too graphic, then mods, please edit it.

A day and a half ago, I was raped. He was an acquaintance (friend's uncle), definitely not a friend. It was at the friend's house, friends were sleeping, and so was I, in the living room. Until the uncle came back in and put a knife to my throat so I wouldn't scream for help. Thankfully he never ended up seriously hurting me with the knife.

I'm a very analytical person, so unfortunately I'm running this whole thing through that filter. I'm trying to make sense of a senseless situation.

I'm a single expat in a Muslim country (living with a host family, I'm in my mid-20s), so I have limited resources. I was able to get the morning after pill, and took 2 Norlevo within 13 hours of the incident, and I plan on getting tested for STDs in a few weeks (is that how long I have to wait?). However, counseling services, support groups, etc. (especially in English) are hard to find. I only have one real English speaking friend here.

I decided not to press charges. My host family and I spoke to a lawyer, and I was very discouraged. They said that because a) he wasn't a complete stranger and b) he never cut/stabbed/scratched me, I have no evidence. They said that here, in this country, it will be a months-long process (which will destroy the lives of both myself, and the host family), and it's almost certain that at the end, he will walk, without charges. The police won't believe me, they said. Also, here in this country, it is CERTAIN to hit the TV and tabloids ("local man raped foreign girl... or did he?") and I would NOT be able to deal with that.

Since I decided not to go to the police, a few people here have "taken things into their own hands"... specifically spending a little over 2 hours "teaching the bastard a lesson". I did not ask for this (and frankly, feel both horrible and glad about it). However, I am probably the only person who could speak up and save his life. I'm told this is how things work in this country, but part of my heart is crying out for mercy for him. I don't feel that it would be justice. But maybe I don't know how I feel.

I'm not sure what my question is, honestly, aside from "what next?" To any rape survivors out there, what online resources did you find most useful? What music did you find the most healing? What words did you find most effective to tell all those damn HAPPY people to go away, when all you really wanted to say was "F*** OFF!". How did you take care of yourself? I'm definitely triggered by a bunch of things, including trying to use a knife in the kitchen.. but i don't know whether that's because i really AM triggered by these things, or i subconsciously feel like I'm somehow "supposed to" be...

How did you figure out what to feel... I don't even know what I'm SUPPOSED to feel right now. Emotionally, I think I'm fine, and then 20 minutes later I break down in hysterics. In general, I think I'm a very strong person: I survived 15 years of abuse from my father, a near-kidnapping in Africa, and though I have pretty bad schizo affective disorder, I'm very high functioning. I know how to deal with crap in my life, and I know I'll eventually get through this ok. I will be moving to a different Muslim country in a few months, but going "home" to North America is not an option. I don't have the money, and I don't want to be anywhere near my father.

So yeah, I guess I just want to know "What next?" I'm a protestant christian, so any Christ-centered resources would also help. Thank you.

Throwaway email: joisurvivor@gmail.com

How do I get SSI/disability for mental health?

loquacious — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:32:34 -0800

How do I navigate Social Security to qualify for Medicaid, SSI and disability for mental health services? How do I find an advocate to guide me through the walls of paperwork and decisions? Sub-question: what are current mental health institutions like for in-patient treatment? I qualify for an array of symptoms for mental health disability - namely marked social dysfunction, severe anxiety, depression (most likely rapid cycling bipolar), persistent ideations and the inability to function normally and keep a job, set or keep goals or otherwise function at life. I have trouble maintaining all kinds of relationships. I also have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and tobacco as self-medication.

In case it needs to be said - I also qualify financially. I have no job, no money, no property and as much as I hate to admit it I'm basically indignant and losing my housing.

I'm having a hell of a time finding services, doing my homework and wrestling with the bureaucracy while in the midst of these symptoms. How do I find an advocate, case worker or guide? This process is daunting enough without struggling with the symptoms at the same time, and dealing with the bureaucracy is aggravating the symptoms and often sending me spiking off into severe manic or depressive territories.

Also what can I expect these days if I sign myself in for in-patient treatment at a mental health facility in Los Angeles? I'm considering this as an option to get the process kick-started, as I'm more or less on the edge of crisis territory. What's the process like? What can I bring with me? What can't I bring? How much control can I expect to have over the process?

(Paging The Straigtener)

How can I get my project back?

biochemist — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:47:57 -0800

I accidentally deleted an important project yesterday that's due today. I deleted an 'unused' folder, but forgot that my files were set to save to that folder instead of to their appropriate locations. As a result, I lost pretty much everything. I cleared the recycle bin yesterday as well, thinking the folder was empty! I'm on a Mac OS X. Is there anyway to get these back without paying $100 for file recovery software? I don't have time machine running.

How do I create a RSS feed for my Amazon Web Store?

Aegean — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 04:44:56 -0800

I'm trying to figure out how to create a XML / RSS feed of my Amazon web store products so I can update to Google Merchant. There doesn't seem to be many functions / plug-ins offered by AWS and their help isn't very helpful. I've done a fair amount of searching and have come up empty handed. Would anyone have an idea how I might go about creating this feed?

Can anyone identify these songs by their melodies?

cdenman — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:34:39 -0800

Can anyone identify one of these songs I have stuck in my head? (Links below) - Please help! Song 1

Song 2

Song 3

(1) is a demo song that came with my Yamaha P200 keyboard - it's quite plausible that it was composed for the keyboard, but if it is a 'real' song I'd love to know.

(2) and (3) are melodies that have got absolutely stuck in my head and I would love to know what they are if anyone can tell me! I suspect (2) to be a very old song and (3) to be a very recent one, but anything's possible.

I hate my job, and I don't know what to switch to... how screwed am I?

SansPoint — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:48:09 -0800

I need a new job, and I need one by the end of the year, because I'm very close to walking out of the one I have now. Help me, hive mind, as I'm at my wits end. What the hell can I do that's in Philadelphia, doesn't require a car, isn't sales, and pays around $30k? If you check my previous questions, you'll see that I've asked this thing before. At this point, though, it's getting dire. My needs are pretty damn specific, w/r/t pay, too, as I have student loans and other debt out the wazoo, as well as a $750/mo lease. I don't want to recap the ways my current job makes me hate myself and my life. I just want something else.

This is my résumé. I don't have a lot of skills. I've worked in tele-sales in some form or another for my entire professional life, and I hate it. I loathe it, I despise it. I hate cold-calling, I hate trying to convince people to buy something, give money, or accept a call from someone else, at least over the phone. I hate interrupting people, I hate being hung-up on, and I hate being brushed off. I need something else to maintain my sanity.

Thing is, I've officially run out of ideas as to what to search for. I thought I could move to a career in development for non-profits or performing arts, which Philly has no shortage of, but I can't even get an interview. I suspect this is because tele-fundraising has as much to do with proper development as LOGO has to do with programming in Assembler.

I'm barely making enough money. I tried going back to my second job doing tele-fundraising, but I lasted a week before illness sidelined me. I'm barely well enough to do my day job, and that's not paying enough because I'm not making my goal.

Please, please, PLEASE do not suggest volunteering, unpaid internships, or anything that will reduce my already poor income. Ways I can get better at my current, shitty job would be useful, but I don't want to do sales any more. I never wanted to.

So, I'm officially at my wit's end. Help me, Metafilter, as I'm totally out of ideas.

I need help upgrading my windows OS 6.1 to 6.5

omaralarifi — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 06:38:18 -0800

I want to upgrade my HTC Touch HD GSM Windows OS from 6.1 to 6.5. What is 1.56.OliNex simple comprehensive English? what is the difference between upgrading through HSPL and USPL? I don't really know the meaning and the difference between HSPL and USPL, and which one is recommended and less risky? I went to xda-developers.com and couldn't comprehend there well.

mini solar chimney for micro power generation

kimyo — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 14:17:51 -0800

i'm fascinated with the solar chimney concept for electric power generation. i'd like to build a small, fabric-based model, see if it might be able to provide enough power to charge a couple of car batteries. does the mefi hivemind want to help me brainstorm? there's some pretty decent video here of a large scale project in australia (not yet constructed).

i'd like to design something which could be built from locally available materials, nothing too complex.

a smallish tethered hot air balloon might serve to support the structure.

a long tapered cylinder made from fabric (fireproof at the bottom) would be suspended from the balloon and anchored to the ground.

at the top of the cylinder we need some kind of turbine. hot air exiting might also feed the balloon. at the base we'd have a small wood fire.

i'd love to hear from any and all mefites, with or without experience in power generation/off grid/ballooning.

if it works, i think we should call it a montgo.

Upcoming trial

xopaigexo — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:42:20 -0800

How can i get through this when i have nobody to relate to? Today, I got a subpeona to go to a trial October 26th. This is the SEVENTH date they've set for this trial, seventh subpeona, i swear i have a collection.
Three years ago, I was in a sexually abusive relationship. It changed the way i viewed life, authority, justice, etc. It was long ago, but its weird the things that stick with you. I remember insignificant things, like the combat boots he wore every day, and how his eyes showed no emotion whatsoever, but i dont even remember how many times he called per day, which was somewhere in the teens but the actual average number is crucial, because they have the call records right there and are testing my credibility. I dont remember exactly what day and how long he touched me when i fought away from him, or even if he penetrated. I remember that our relationship was like a game of hide and seek, and i was afraid of coming out or breaking up with him, because i knew he would try to hunt me down, which he did when my friend told the police about what was going on.
So basically, i dont remember the things im "supposed" to as a victim and i dont think they can show me my statements from three years ago to refresh.
Also, i get through things by talking to people about it, and this ones tough. People don't understand the fear and anger i have when i get a suppeona in the mail. They dont know why i think and talk about it alot. This time may be different though. I have no faith in that trial, no faith that it will happen. I cant keep things bottled up though. When i talked to my friends and boyfriend about it, i guess you could say i dont get the answers i want or need. They'll say "oh that sucks", and yeah it does suck but i dont think about it like that. And my boyfriend tried to calm me down ( because last time i was so stressed and hyped about it ) when this time i was just simply telling him about it, and he was like "that suck really, just please dont start like last time". It sounded at first to me as a little insensitive, but he doesnt understand what im going through and neither do any of my friends. He claims that he does understand, and i like that he wants to, and know that he cares, but how could he ( or anyone ) truly understand? It feels almost that im alone in this. I have people who are there for me but can't help me. I used to be in therapy but my mom lost her job and we can't afford that anymore.
I need help on how i can get through this, ( I have anxiety disorder it is hard ) and still be able to share my feelings with friends and boyfriend knowing the answers wont always be what i wanted

Name this bug, please!

jeanmari — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 17:29:37 -0800

I can't seem to identify these bugs. Help! At first, I panicked when these swarmed next to our house today because I immediately assumed that they were termites. But they definitely have ant-shaped bodies (with a defined waist), unlike a termite. Their bodies are a little over .25 inches long. Their wings are paper-y white.

When my neighbor pointed them out to me, they were swarming out from under our outside A/C unit (or pretty close to it). They were thickly carpeting the ground and crawling over everything. (Ugh, I just shudder thinking this.) I thought they might be leafcutters, but nothing I've read about leafcutters implies they would be this far north. I've also not seen anything swarm like this and we've lived in this house for 6 years. The weather was especially humid today and we live in Chicago, if that helps.

I captured two in my daughter's bug jar just in case I can't identify them from the internet. But they are walking around so quickly, I can't get a good photo of them.

Divorced, jobless, need advice.

saragoodman3 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:52:53 -0800

Stuck in a rut. Help me find meaning, direction, and help me get back on my feet. My husband cheated on me, and after months of trying to work it out, I left him, and moved back to the town where I grew up (2000 miles away from where I’ve lived for the last seven years), to be near my family. As the first one to get divorced, they don’t know what to do with me, or what to say, though they have tried to be supportive. They often leave me out of plans , because they think it will hurt my feelings to be invited, and even though I’ve explained it hurts more to be left out, they don’t seem to get it.
After our marriage ended and I was forced to move back home, I lost a lot of friends, and the handful of girlfriends I have left have small children, are married, and can rarely talk on the phone. We facebook.
I got laid off, so I get unemployment, but have been unemployed for months. I have been volunteering, taking classes, and taking care of my elderly grandmother, who has cancer.
I met a nice guy at the dog park, and even though I like him just fine, and he is a good person, there is no spark.
Luckily, I have a great dog companion, and a kitty has adopted us. I am never lonely at home. They are endlessly entertaining, and are wonderful company for the hour or two I sit on the couch at night.
I have no furniture, I have few clothes, I'm sleeping on an air mattress. I miss the house I carefully decorated, and the kitchen utensils I saved up for. I miss my stand mixer. I used to enjoy cooking, but don’t have the tools anymore, and don’t see the point in cooking for myself.
I'm broke. I don’t have a job. I don’t really have a boyfriend, but I'm okay with that. I miss having girlfriends. Its hard to not have coworkers at least. I'm thinking about trying internet dating. I just turned thirty. I spent my birthday with the dog.
Its nice not to have much junk; its nice not to have a bunch of near-meaningless material things. I was living in a mild climate, working a jeans-and-tshirt job. In the next few weeks, I'm going to need a winter coat, heavy boots, new tires, and hopefully I will need work clothes. I can shop at thrift stores. I don’t know how I will afford much. My husband has the savings account.
I feel lost. I need direction. I need motivation. I need to read books or watch videos about living frugally and surviving divorce. I used to have goals, but now I don’t see how I can accomplish them by myself; many are no longer applicable (have kids, vacation together, etc).
I went to therapy, but cant really afford it anymore, and didn’t get much out of it. I was hoping for feedback and inspiration, but all I got was a sympathetic ear (wow, your husband was an unbelievable jerk!). sympathy isn’t bad, but wasn’t what I needed.
Where should I look for inspiration? I need guidance. I need to get out of my rut. Please don’t tell me to just ‘get over it’; I get that from my well-meaning family members.
I need to conjure a job. I’ve actually been offered a few – and I accepted, right before they called me back to say the position had been cancelled by upper management. Its hard to even apply when I know the odds of my application even being looked at is so slim.
I have been successful before, but I don’t know how to be again.
I know part of this post is a pity party, but please ignore that. I really need help, and have tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and have tried to lean on family. Now I am here to humbly ask the meta advice.
Have you been through this? How did you get through it? Advice is appreciated, links to helpful books or websites included. Please keep in mind that I cant go out and buy a bunch of books.

Help me save a dying houseplant!

gilsonal — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:45:36 -0800

Help me save my vanilla plant! Its leaves are turning black and rotting from the bottom up. Too much water? Not enough? Lost cause? Help me green thumbs! I got a vanilla planifolia vine from logees and it came with a root ball. I planted it in coconut chips as instructed, and gave it a trellis to grow up. It was doing fine until I had a friend plant sit while i was in the hospital. Now the roots have died and the vine is now separate from the roots. the bottom most leaf is dying, turning black and rotten looking. Meanwhile, the other leaves seem a bit wrinkled.

The plant is indoors, in 70 degree temperature under plant suitable lighting approximately eight hours a day.

What can I do to help keep this plant alive and happy? I've been misting it once a day with water with a tiny bit of fertilizer in it, but its too soon to say if that has been helping or not. The leaves seem less wrinkled than before though.

What do you think?

Help me warm the house up!

dance — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:38:26 -0800

I have a two part question about fires and making firewood. The two parts are related so I assume this is fine...
1) I have just acquired my first personal chainsaw, for use in the copse behind my house cutting down smaller trees to make firewood. Previously when I've felled trees, I've had use of a tractor to winch out the log OR an abundance of clear space around the fallen tree to roll it with either my boot or a lever. In my own backyard I have neither tractor nor space - the fallen tree cannot be rolled by the persuasive power of my boot. I can't cut the log into firewood in situ either because my saw would be dulled by sawing into the ground. Any tips from those in a similar predicament?

2) The stove in the house is unlike any stove I've dealt with before! It is really difficult to get wood to 'catch', and doesn't seem to warm nicely. I'm using the trick of leaving the door ajar whilst the wood is just beginning to burn, but still, when it seems to have caught flame if I close the door with the vent on full open, it's fairly often that the fire will die out. In addition the stove seems to have a tendency to let smoke into the room if one opens the door. I realise that this sounds like a blocked chimney but the previous occupant who used the stove often to good effect mentioned nothing. I have cleaned the ash out of the bottom of the stove and used wood from different areas of the woodpile. I still wonder if the wood might be a bit damp but can't really believe that because it's the same woodpile the previous occupant took from. Any thoughts? Should I just try wood from a petrol station to see if it's the wood at fault? How do I know if the chimney is blocked? Smoke plumes merrily out on the few occasions a good fire is going in the stove...

Thanks for any and all help.

Help me find this novel?

malusmoriendumest — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:48:36 -0800

Help me identify this novel of which the details have been lost? Read a novel when I was much, much younger that I'm trying to find again. The (admittedly sketchy) details that I can summon are these:

- Novel may be entitled by a double-figure number, like '53, in burning letters on the cover I remember.

- Involves (presumably future) plague involving blood.

- Protagonist is male, has wife and (unborn?) child who are both killed at some point.

Realise this is fairly unlikely to yield results but hope springs eternal.

Why is my 1994 Jetta sputtering and shutting off on startup?

*lostatsea* — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 07:57:20 -0800

My 1994 Jetta is sputtering and shutting off on startup. What could the problem be? I started up my 1994 Jetta this morning and it started, sputtered a bit, and then died. It did this about 6 times before running OK. What could be the problem?

Also, not sure if this could be related, but my temperature light has recently started blinking when the car is started. I assume that it is broken because there is no way the car could be overheated on startup.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Andrew

How to remove ornamental grasses?

guptaxpn — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 11:55:35 -0800

I'm being offered $100 to remove "Ornamental Grasses", any experience with the removal of plants would be greatly appreciated. I need the money, badly, I just have never done this kind of work before. I'm being told that it will be a b**** of a job and that I should be able to do it with a shovel. Brief googling is telling me that people have needed hatchets and axes to get rid of the roots of these plants.

Have you ever had any experience removing this sort of plant?

I believe they just want it gone.

I'm just curious to know how I can prepare for tomorrow.

Thanks MeFi!?

I swear, I don't know how I killed your internet

Decimask — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 20:03:40 -0800

Please help me unb0rk my cousin's router. Partly, I'm just trying to figure out what the hell happened.

I just landed at my cousin's place temporarily. I pulled out my laptop (running Windows Vista), pulled up the network connections to hook up to the wireless. Everything seemed to be going normally, when it asked me for the PIN number on the Router. I had the WEP key in front of me, so this was surprising.

Got the PIN, continued in what I thought was an otherwise normal connection set up, and clicked "OK". BAM! Cousin on another computer loses internet access, and the connection is now named after my computer. I spend a bit of fiddlig trying to undo it, then get pissed off and hold in the "RESET" button on the back

Now:

I can't connect to the generic "Linksys" connection

She can't connect to it either.

I can't access the router's settings using 192.168.0.1 (conection times out) from the computer that's directly connected to the router--yet I can access the modem's settings just fine.

What the hell happened?

Router's a WRT54G2, if it matters.