Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with hell

Another GD excel question

TheBones — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 16:42:27 -0800

Another, once again, excel question on fill colors I have searched everywhere to find an answer, but when I use a fill handle to fill in a column that are highlighted with fill colors, the fill colors disappear from that column.

How can I enter text, non manually, into a column, as easy as say the word "text" and fill down, but have excel keep the highlighted cells the colors they were before I filled down.

Also, I have read on the internets that there is a way to sort a worksheet by color, but it looks pretty nasty, using macros, etc.

Does anyone have an easy way to do this, or will I just have to suck it up and try out the macro until it works?

I'd rather not celebrate Christmas at Terminal 5

venividivici — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 10:12:39 -0800

I have a ticket to fly British Airways home for Christmas next Tuesday. What should I do? I'm set (or was set) to fly from Heathrow to Baltimore (LHR-BWI) next Tuesday, the 22nd. This is now, of course, the very day that the strike is supposed to begin. Christ almighty.

Reports are saying the RyanAir and EasyJet are being called in to pick up the slack, but they don't fly to the States. I know you're not psychic, but if the strike does happen, what is going to happen to BA's transtalantic flights? I can't imagine there's much wiggle room to put hundreds of thousands of people on other international carriers at this time of year. This site says that I might not get a re-route until January. I paid a fortune for these tickets and desperately need this holiday -- am I really not going to be able to go? And should I be doing something? Pestering them? Making voodoo dolls?

Save me from my excel hell

TheBones — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:51:54 -0800

Another GD excel/csv filter I have been having issues with formatting in csv files. I save excel files as csv files. Sometimes I have to go back into the csv files and edit the data.

One of the columns has anywhere from 2 to 7 digit numbers in it. I need to make sure all values in that column are 7 digits. I use the text formula to do it, =text(ad2,"0000000"), take the data and transfer it into that column as values.

However, when I save the data and go back into the file, the numbers have reverted to their other forms in that column.

I make sure to change the column to text and save it that way.

It would be really easy to make the changes in the excel file, however, I have to break the excel file into multiple excel files so I would have to make the changes in the excel file and reseparate into their respective files.

I have also tried reverting each file to excel, making the changes and then re-saving them as csv's, but I still seem to be having issues.

Please help!

Help save me from excel hell!

TheBones — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:52:48 -0800

Another crazy excel question- I can't promise this won't be my last one. I am finally to the point where I am recording macros and have found that the shorter the macro, the better.

The issue I am having is 1 of 2 things. Either there are a bunch of zeroes being added at the bottom of the chunk of data I am working with, or my formula isn't transferring through a full column.

Here is my workflow:

I have 2 worksheets that I am combing together into 1 before the start of my macro. There are roughly 30 to 35 columns in the combined worksheet, we'll call it "working." There are thousands of rows of data for every workbook I work with, all with a different number of rows, but always the same columns and number of columns (this may be where the issue is).

My first step is to copy one column to the front of the workbook by using shift+ctrl+down and then "insert copied cells" into column A, shift to the right.

My next step is to insert a new, blank column next to column A and add the formula =text(a2,"0000000") and fill handle down so the formula only goes down to the bottom of the data set.

I then cut and paste special "values" into column A so that the numbers in column A are all 7 digits instead of 2 to 7 digits long.

Obviously, this works on the worksheet I have recorded it on, but used in any other workbook returns either 1 of 2 responses, either there are a bunch of 0's below the data set in column A or the cut and paste special- values doesn't make it over to column A.

I know this is pretty long and may be a little convoluted, but if you have any suggestions on either how to fix this, or someone who can do this professionally (yes, I'm just about willing to pay someone to help me with this as it is driving me nuts right now), I would be greatly appreciative!

LaTeX + pdf = employment fail?

geos — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 09:30:37 -0800

LaTeX + pdf = employment fail? I am looking for a job and have been using LaTeX to generate my resume and cover-letter. At a recent job interview I was told that they weren't able to print my resume. It looked fine on their computer but when they printed it, it was as if most of the document had been whited-out: a couple of phrases appeared approximately where they should but, most of it was just missing. Are all of the resumes I've emailed screwed up or special unix snowflakes? I have been using texlive on ubunutu to generate a dvi of my resume and cover letter and then dvipdf to create the pdf. The laser printer they were using didn't appear to support postscript, and by clicking on the 'print as image' box in windows I was able to get the resume to print out fine...

What painting am I thinking of?

ekroh — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 11:52:56 -0800

What painting am I thinking of? It's a pretty old one, something like 15th or 16th century. It is a depiction of daily life with heaven above and hell below, meant to represent the entire cosmos, I guess. It is large and extremely detailed, like a Bruegel painting, but it's not Bruegel. I remember being able to make out cuts of meat in a shop window, even though they were probably about as big as the head of a pin (ok, maybe a big pin) in the actual painting.

I saw a reproduction in an art history class years ago, and I've been trying to remember it ever since. It's not the Michelangelo painting in the Vatican. I think it was even before that, as the perspective and depth etc. aren't very well developed.

Wish I could be more specific. Bonus points if you link to an image!

The biscuit shall rise again!

hal_c_on — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:48:31 -0800

How do I make fantastic southern-type biscuits? There are only a few ingredients (I think), and people regularly produce them...but my Cali-Yank pedigree will not allow me to make them? I'm referring to savory soft biscuits, not the cookie-tin biscuits, of course.

I've done tons of recipes but nothing turns out like I've tasted. Water, flour, baking powder, crisco/shortening, baking soda, butter, and (butter)milk are all the ingredients I need (right)?

I've seen people using lard, but I don't eat lard...and the restaurants/individuals who have made biscuits I ate told me that besides dairy, there are no animal products in the recipe.

How do I make fantastic biscuits...and the hell with cutting calories/fat. I just want good biscuits.

Help me cast off Virgin cable broadband once and for all!

tumples — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:36:20 -0800

Virgin Media cable broadband sucks, what provider can I use after my contract is up? We have been using Virgin's (in)famous 20mb cable broadband since August and are tied into a 12 month contract. The internet is usually fine and when it works, it is very very fast. Unfortunately, Virgin are also prone to periods where the internet is mostly unusable; either it is doesn't work at all or it is just too slow. At the moment I am sat behind a connection with a ping of ~2500-3000ms, where it is usually ~20ms. Tech support doesn't fix the problem more often than not.

At the start of this coming August I will be free from this contract and am on the lookout for an isp that can just provide fast, reliable internet with (very important as living in student houseshare) little to no months caps on usage. We are not connected to a BT line and do not want to pay the ridiculous £140 to connect to them in order to sign up with a new isp.

Is there any company out there that is good for me?

Thanks

"Welcome to hell^H^H^H^HAskMetafilter, here's your accordion."

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 23:25:35 -0800

If I wanted to learn how to play an accordion, what advice would you have, with respect to: which type of accordion, buying or renting (new or used), lessons, the best music to play, etc.?

How do I get Verizon to fix my dsl?

geos — Tue, 26 May 2009 18:22:22 -0800

How do I get Verizon to fix my DSL? I have had intermittent connection problems on my dsl line since it was installed. The problem went away for the winter and came back in the spring. So, it took me 4 calls to get a worker out to my house. The guy who came lowered the speed on my connection and said if this didn't work then it was a problem back at the office. Lowering the speed didn't work: how do I get them to fix this?

Calling dsl tech support i get caught it in a loop (don't even get me started on how they refused to talk to me if i admit i'm using linux) doing the same bullshit diagnostic flowchart. Escalating to the supervisor seems to have gotten a guy to come out last time, but that was very trying.... is there some magic word, or easter egg hidden in this nightmare of corporate tech support that will get them to actually make my dsl functional?

I'm boring, depressed, lonely and extremly pessimistic

Anonymous — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 06:51:18 -0800

I have no interests at all. Nothing appeals to me. I don't know if it's cause I'm depressed or boring. What's the difference???? Is there really even a difference???

If someone is chronically depressed, most people don't care. To them, they're just boring. Nobody cares about why they are boring, they're just boring.

I know I'm depressed. I been since I was 21.. but now I'm stuck in this position.. I'm older.. in my 30's.. have NO friends, and no real interests.

I try, but everything feels so, like I'm forcing it. I took up photography. But it feels forced. I took up art.. again it feels forced. I take classes because that's the only way I will actually do anything. I have no desire to do it if I'm just sitting at home..

When I'm home, like right now, it feels too lonely to do anything. I think the problem is all these things I'm doing are solitary and I can't figure out what the hell to do that involves people--yet I actually enjoy. And how do I experiment with this?? Everything feels so committed. Like if you want to join something that involves people, there is no 1 hour trial. You gotta buy equipment, you gotta train, you gotta be all serious about it. How can I just go out, one Saturday afternoon, and try some stuff. Not commit, not be too involved, in fact, not even be seen. I don't want to interact with people while I'm figuring this stuff out. Cause I'm way too freaking depressed. I'll be moody and grumpy and won't have that "positive attitude".

But if I can find something I truly enjoy, involve with people.. I might be able to be positive. But what??

Erectile dysfuntion at 18?

Anonymous — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 14:50:58 -0800

Erectile dysfunction at 18? I can't believe I'm having to ask this. I am 18 and have been in a relationship with a girl for about two months. Sexually, things were great until about a week ago. We would have sex frequently and just thinking about us in a sexual situation could get me hard.

The past three times we hung out I have not been able to keep an erection consistently. It is either not there, only a little hard, or only lasts a couple minutes regardless of what she is doing to me. I have had performance anxiety issues, where for example grabbing a condom might make it go soft, but this is the first time I just couldn't get an erection period.

So, this sounds scary enough right? Now when I try masturbating it takes longer than normal to get hard (not rock hard) and if i stop for a small amount of time it will go away.

Here are potential causes I can think of:
* A week ago we were getting freaky in a car (real mature I know) and things finished a lot quicker than I wanted. I felt embarrassed about it. A few minutes later we're still in the car naked and the cops roll up and give us a talking to. We've fooled around in the car a little bit since then, and the sight of a person will make me lose it.

* Fatigue. I go to a tough school and was running on low sleep the first time I had trouble getting hard. Since then I have tried to get significantly more sleep. This hasn't helped since I'm still posting this.

* Psychological issues. I have found myself thinking "Is it going to get hard?" which in turn makes it not work. But not working well while masturbating?

* Physical problem. I'm hoping this is not the answer. I am a lazy American when it comes to exercise. I am slender though (6'0, 145 lb) and don't have any health conditions that I'm aware of. I was so frustrated with my situation that I went for a run earlier and plan to get into an exercise routine. Could it be low testosterone? I just don't see how a physical problem could suddenly present itself like this. I don't have insurance either. Oh joy.

Any help is appreciated.

Looking for Heavenly films

cjets — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:49:51 -0800

Please help me find films that depict heaven or the afterlife Examples of the type films I'm looking for would include Defending your Life and Heaven Can Wait. I'm particularly interested in films that depict heaven in any way but I'm also interested in movies that depict the afterlife in any form including hell.

How can I get my WINXP user setup back?

dancestoblue — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:12:19 -0800

I just installed WINXP SP3 using my Admin setup, then came to my regular user setup, attempted to login, got a message stating to the effect of "Windows cannot load local user settings" and proceeded to log me in with plain vanilla XP, as if I'd never put any programs on it, as if I'd never made changes to any of the settings, as if I'd never personalized my whole puter. This would be a huge PITA, to set up again, I've been months of personalizing this machine, all my bookmarks are lost, EVERYTHING IS GONE. HELP !?!?!? I'm dying over here. How can I get my WINXP setup back, as I had it prior to installing SP3? In lieu of that, how many miles is it from Austin to Redmond; I ask because I'm will drive there and beat someone with a crowbar if this cannot be resolved.

Work is hell - square peg, round hole: what are my options?

Anonymous — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 06:18:41 -0800

Work is hell: I love the company and the pay, but hate my job and hate my boss. I'm looking to change careers, but what careers would fit my skill set? I work for a call center as a manager (others might say "team leader") in a financial/credit card account. The workload is such that though I am an excempt employee not paid for overtime, I am compelled to stay an upwards of 12 hours just to finish all the work I need to do.

The bulk of it is admin stuff: auditing my agents' calls for quality, customer satisfaction, compliance; keying in their phone logins/logouts, creating team reports/presentations. I tend to work at my own pace, and my boss often breathes on my neck to get these things updated on a DAILY basis, on top of managing my team of 16 direct reports, which I simply cannot do without staying on for many more hours at work. She has absolutely no empathy for mitigating circumstances, such as my being assigned to workstations where not all the admin tools are working, therefore having to hi-jack other managers' stations on a daily basis. And when 8 of my reps' IDs stopped working after a month of their being on the production floor, which meant that I not only had to manage the 8 people on the phones but had to keep the other 8 engaged for 9 hours a day and manage attrition as well, she could not understand how this could have possibly DOUBLED my workload, since "only 8 people are online anyway and that should've made things easier, not harder". Approaching her about my difficulties to possibly work out solutions hasn't helped: she always compares me to others who are not in the same situation but are accomplishing the same, and will only end the conversations by getting my commitments without giving the same kind of commitment. This is an endless source of frustration for me. My thinking is, if you want me to succeed, give me the tools I need to succeed. Oddly, she grants a lot of leeway when it comes to other people, and other people have warned me that she does indeed play favorites -- which, sadly, I am not. These Dilbert comics illustrate our dynamic perfectly. Her boss seems to think similarly, as they are very close.

The human part, the part where manage people and drive performance and get the numbers is fine. I'm proud of my team and the performance-conscious attitude and culture I've cultivated and the results they bring. And I like the Company itself, just not the account, and there's no way for me to transfer accounts because there's no way she'll recommend me. My team's performance is not enough. She has me tied to a daily task list that, if I don't accomplish it religiously, will subject me to memos and disciplinary actions. Even vacation leaves I plan well in advance are always "pending" depending on some arbitrary condition she thinks of. Everything I get from her seems punitive as opposed to supportive.

I'm beginning to feel that work is hell. I just want my life back. As a result, I'm looking to change careers, but I don't even know where to start. What are my options, that would pay equally well?

I hate busywork. I need work that lets me be creative to some degree. I've had experience as a content provider - writing about people, music, movies, technology. I'm quite tech savvy, but without any formal degrees to show for it. I've done well with customer service, tech support, and with coaching and driving performance. I'm driven, especially when inspired, and want to hone and exercise my leadership skills.

I wouldn't mind working in another call center, except there's no point because my current one is already on the top of the food chain. What I'd really like to look at are career options in other industries, preferably one that will give me a lot more flexibility than my current one.

I'm desperate. I want to quit my job yesterday. Hive mind, please help me!

Help me go to hell!

twiki — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:40:32 -0800

Halloween Filter: Help me make my demon's lair even more cool this year. Last year was my first year in a house since I was a kid, so I had great fun decorating the place for ourselves and for trick-or-treaters. Rather than the usual coffins and skeletons and ghosts, we decided on a theme: Hell.

As in, I was the devil, my stepdaughter and pug were dressed up as minions, and everything was themed around the fires of hell/red/black you get the idea. You can see what we did last year here.

I'm looking for help with ideas for this year, how to make it even cooler (without costing a fortune - my budget is probably $100 all told for additional props).

Ideas? Share one, share all!

Bonus points for anyone who has suggestions on how to safely incorporate fire (or the look of fire) into our front yard on Halloween night - pits? candles? But kid friendly, obviously, since we don't want trick-or-treater-BBQ.

HTML Email Best Practices

alan — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:38:57 -0800

I've been coerced by a client/employer to start using HTML email messages for communications with our customers. Please help me do this in the most net-responsible way possible (or tell me to burn in the special hell reserved for people who put markup on the SMTP wire) I'm looking for advice on "How to be Good" as opposed to "how to sneak around the canned meat filters"

These five things come to mind ...

1. SPF records for all our domains/servers we'll be sending from

2. Multipart email, providing both a text and HTML version

3. Host the images on our servers so we're not wasting their bandwidth

4. Unsubscribe link in the body of the message allowing people to opt out

5. Email indicating who sent the message with a physical address

Are these steps still considered standard best practices? Are there other steps I can/should take? Custom email headers that should be set outside of of "From", "To", "Reply-To"? Is there unsub info that should be put in the headers?

Any help or a nudge in the direction of a good resource on this would be appreciated.

Finally, Yes. I know. I use mutt and Mailsmith for my personal email. I'm not a fan of HTML email. That battle was lost a long time ago.

My car was repoed and auctioned and now they want my soul!

eve28 — Tue, 27 May 2008 19:55:34 -0800

My car was repossessed and auctioned and now Honda wants the difference paid in full. If I could have made the payments I would have...are there any lawyers out there that can help answer my questions, worries and anxieties? So I have hit some seriously hard times over the last few months...so serious that I was unable to pay my car note. After I lost my job over the winter I tried to work something out with the dealership, Honda financial and anyone who thought that they might be able to help. So needless to say my car was repossessed and now they want me to pay them the $8500.00 difference that they lost at the auction. This was a 2007 Honda I bought after I was in a severe car accident last summer and it was only 8 months old when they took the car.

Now before anyone says that it is my fault and I should have paid my bills, understand that my decision was based on living in a home or living in a car on the streets of LA. Not an easy decision, but I had to make one. I choose to live in a home where I felt safe and secure.

Honda financial has now sent me a letter saying that I have to pay them $8,500.00 or they will send me to collections and heaven knows what from there. I am really worried that now they will try to come after me financially in a harder manor like freeze my bank account, or garnish my wages. I just started my new job a month ago and have been behind on a lot of bills and with my car accident in June, things in my life have been teeter tottering between the good, the bad and the ugly, mostly the ugly.

My brain is racing and I don't know what to do. I thought about calling them and trying to work out a deal hoping they will accept an offer of $2K and allowing me to make monthly payments (for a car I no longer have). But is that absolutely ridiculous? I think it is. I couldn't even afford the payments before, that's why it was repossessed.
I know there are lawyers and doctors and people who have been through this same exact situation, so I am asking for your help. Does anyone know what I should do? Should I contact them on my own? Should I contact a lawyer? What do I do? Anything would be of great help. Thanks everyone for your time.

Stories that take place in Hell, Purgatory, comas, nightmares, memory etc etc

unSane — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 05:52:20 -0800

I'm looking for narratives (books, movies, games) in which the protagonist is dead, dying or unconscious, and discovers they are not in the 'real' world at all, but Hell, heaven, purgatory, a coma, a nightmare, memory, or similar. Examples which contain spoilers below the fold. Obvious examples would be The Third Policeman, Stay, The Coma, the game Viridian Room, and so on. Alice in Wonderland sort-of counts but I'm more interested in protagonists who investigate their situation, rather than vanilla '...and then I woke up'. Bonus points if the narrative involves escaping.

For the purposes of the question, stories like Eternal Sunshine, a Nightmare on Elm Street and so on don't count because the protagonist is not completely immersed in the meta-world. I'd let If on a Winter's Night a Traveler slide in though.

Vista Hell

rumbles — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 23:36:10 -0800

The Vista Home Premium DVD I'm using to "recover" the factory settings on my Toshiba A200-TR6 just pops open before even beginning "Operation Recovery." Save me from this Vista nightmare...! So, I'm trying to recover my Toshiba notebook so I can sell it. Up until this point I've been running it with XP Pro (and Toshiba's sad excuse for XP drivers -- the sound driver in particular); I'm keen, however, to sell it in a factory-fresh state.

Problem: DVD #1 of 4 just pops out after booting and while "initializing partition." It boldly declares "insert next disc" prior to actually accomplishing anything (rinse and repeat, etc.). The harddrive had been wiped using the tool recommended by Toshiba here to remedy a different error that pops up when trying to recover/restore using the recovery DVD when another OS (XP Pro or Vista) is already installed.

In sum, XP Pro installs fine, and Vista installs fine when using the method and files offered here (i.e. when not using the recovery discs). This method, however, refuses the product key on the bottom of my machine and, well, I'm not so keen on the idea of having to sell a computer that requires questionable workarounds, etc. to get it working.

Thoughts? BIOS settings? SATA something or other? It's still under warranty, FWIW. Warranty recommendations? Can MSFT send me a "real" version of Vista (since I seem to have received a useless one)? Also, Toshiba has already replaced the DVDs once, since I thought that the ones that came with my computer were defective. No dice. Thanks!

Need help with nutty co-worker.

frosty_hut — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:15:41 -0800

Co-worker is jealous...How do I head off her bizarre behavior arising from an unfounded premise that I'm somehow monopolizing a mutual work friend? I have a co-worker--let's call her Solange--who's an extremely extroverted, talkative, in-yo-face type, very political and angry about everything, but also funny and smart as all get out. When I met her I felt she was scary, but I decided to find her refreshing. She was a narcissist and a braggart, I thought, but I wasn't ready to just write her off. She had the guts to speak up in meetings about things that were really crappy about the org we work for, and there was a quiet part of me that admired her.

Anyway, Solange ignored me completely when she first got hired--she's pretty butch and I know I look like a Barbie, and I figured she despised me on sight. But as we got to know each other, it seemed that the chill was coming off her a bit. She started complimenting my work, which is something that doesn't often happen. It sent up a red flag--when people suck up to me, it only ever goes on for a very short time, and suddenly the other person does a one eighty, and from that point forward I'm treated like complete drek and I never know what prompted the change, and it's just depressing. So I'm wary of that kind of thing. Weird things would happen with Solange--I was in a meeting with my boss once (I was trying to decide whether or not to quit, so it was pretty tense), and she just came in the room and stood there chatting with him, oblivious of the situation. I chalked it up to attention hounding and thought it was either brazenly rude or unbelievably childish, but it didn't seem hostile. I can deal with just about anything, until it becomes outright hostile.

So I've been kinda-sorta waiting for the other shoe to drop, and recently it did. I was talking to a guy I work with (for anyone following my so-called life, it's the Buddhist guy who got married to a person I at first thought was a man because of her non-gender specific name, but she's not). We were sort of wedged into a corner of the room, waiting to go into another room that was occupied, when Solange appeared. She had been ignoring me recently in a very pointed way. She bustled over, never making eye contact with me. I made some good-natured comment, but she talked over me, her eyes on my co-worker. She squeezed herself right in front of me and bent over to hug my co-worker, putting her butt right in my gut. She did that for a while, then left (she's not a thin woman, and the whole thing was physically uncomfortable, insulting and bizarre).

She no longer speaks to me, and I didn't know why, until I started piecing some things together. She found out a few days ago that my co-worker, the Buddhist guy, gave me a microphone. Well, I bought it from him, but Solange whined to me (this was when we were still speaking): "He didn't give ME one!" And then she said, "I'm just kidding," in her weird low voice, and I knew she knew how dumb it was to say something like that, or even feel it (I know, feelings are feelings, you can't call them dumb or smart). But her behavior continued to be incredibly childish. It clicked when I rememebered that she had been giving the Buddhist guy rides home, and since he and I had been scheduled to work together for the past few nights, I had been giving him rides. It occurred to me she must have found out about it, and was jealous. Oh my jeezus. This is a forty-something woman, too.

I asked my husband what he thought about her physically cutting me off in the break room. I said I thought it was odd that she was competing with me for the attentions of this other co-worker, a part-time guy who isn't her boss and doesn't really have that much status. He said that it wasn't about the guy. He thinks Solange just really needs to be everybody's special friend, it doesn't matter who they are. And she was giving him rides home, and now she mistakenly thinks I'm his special friend because I've given him a few rides home. Ridiculous! I mean when I think about it, I can't believe it's happening. I haven't been in the middle of something like this since third grade.

Solange isn't my boss. She can't really affect my life, and I don't actually have to work with her on any project, so this situation probably shouldn't bother me as it has. But I'm so upset, I can't stop thinking about it. Strategy-wise, I could use some suggestions on how to deflect Solange's bizarre hostility, or at least manage it so it doesn't get in my way or continue to get me down.

BTW: Solange is gay, so she's not sexually jealous of my relationship with the Buddhist guy. It's something else. I mean, she must have had a crap childhood with sixteen brothers and sisters and was probably edged out of everything. But why the hell should I have to pay for that?

Make my logo biggest

Brandon Blatcher — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 09:21:58 -0800

Make my logo biggest For the next two weeks, I and several design buddies will be in design/production hell, doing massive amounts of work, 12-16 days, 6-7 days a week, etc, etc

We need lots of amusing and design/production related things to crack us up and not completely lose it. Things like "Make the Logo Bigger" i.e. funny yet design related. Links, sites, mp3s whatever.

Whatcha got?

What's next, no potty breaks?

Anonymous — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 08:06:08 -0800

My company just instituted a “no headphones” policy…how can I deal? Here’s the story: one of the guys on the trading floor was wearing headphones, and didn’t answer his telephone. So they banned headphone use company-wide.

I am not on the trading floor. I manage the recruiting database. I don’t get work-related calls…ever. Everything I do is by email, IM or fax. When I do get calls (primarily from the wife), my headphones (which are actually ear buds, and no, those aren’t allowed either) aren’t noise-canceling, so I can hear the phone ring. Also, my phone is DIRECTLY in front of me, smack in the center of my eye line, under my monitor. When it rings, it also flashes and displays the caller ID.

Like many people who perform mostly data entry, my iPod is what keeps me sane and productive. Without it, I’m at sea, I can’t focus, and time…drags…on…so…slowly.

Other than quitting (hate job hunting, don’t want to look until I finish my current degree), what are my options? Do non ear-based listening devices exist, maybe that transmit sound through your body? And no, I don’t think this (link possibly NSFW) is a viable alternative…heh. Help? Thanks!

Ex-wife troubles...

Anonymous — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 13:15:20 -0800

How to survive my partner's ex wife? I know divorces can be bitter, awful things, but my boyfriend's ex-wife seems to want to ruin him....

They're split occurred long before I met him and had nothing to do with infidelity or abuse- which are just about the only reasons that could exist, in my mind, for the level of damage she is trying to inflict.

She has taken everything from him, financially speaking- to the tune of over 150k and she won primary custody of their young daughter although he was able to secure a standard visitation arrangement and joint legal custody(he spent 80k fighting in court for that.)

So- he is broke. And yet she continues to come up with ways to financially fuck with him. It's a never-ending nightmare and there is no money left to pay lawyers to stop her.

I have been unable to face her myself when she comes to my doorstep to pick up her daughter after we have her for the weekend because I am literally afraid of what I might do/ say that could then arm her with more lawsuits, frivolous and otherwise... and I don't want to behave in a way that would adversely affect the child who I have grown to love....

She has become this parasite living off of us- $1500/ month child support and she, a licensed architect, refuses to get a job...

I just don' t know what to do, how to handle this anymore. We have a baby of our own on the way.

I hate this woman and I feel so much vindictiveness beginning to boil inside of me...

Has anyone been through this??? How can we stop her- short of doing illegal things (which, naturally, I fantasize about...)

Believe me- I am interested in any/ all creative ways of dealing with people like this- I am completely beyond rising above at this point...

Please share anecdotes.

Like Starship Troopers meets Gordon Frohman!

chrominance — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:00:48 -0800

BookFilter: I read an odd science fiction book when I was younger, but then it got lost in a move long ago and ever since I've been wondering what it was. It's especially strange because I don't know how we got the book in the first place—a random book sale? Garage sale? Someone gave us a box of old books? Who knows. Anyways, here's what I remember:

It's a vaguely satirical book about war.
At the beginning of the novel a recruiter comes to the podunk town where the protagonist lives, and convinces Our Hero that the space navy is the place for him. The recruiter may or may not have only one arm.
At some point Our Hero, lured into the navy by thoughts of fame and fortune, finds himself pressed into service as a bottom-of-the-barrel combat grunt—I think he gets crammed into the rear turret of some giant spaceship or something. The gleaming starship enters a giant battle, and most of its crew dies due to big explosions and laser fire and stuff—but not Our Hero, who manages to survive mainly because no one's bothered to shoot out his tiny little gun turret. He is promptly promoted, showered with medals, and declared a hero.
Fresh off all this success, Our Hero goes on shore leave on some distant paradise planet, but because he's still basically the podunk backwater kid from the beginning of the story, he manages to a) lose all his medals, b) all his ID, and c) any record that he was a soldier. Hijinks ensue.
I don't remember much about the rest (and there is quite a bit more), except that at the end Our Hero goes to other backwater planets as a recruiter himself. He may or may not have one arm at this point—I seem to remember the book making a point of Our Hero being similar in every way to the recruiter that conscripted him at the beginning of the novel.

If I don't find this book, at least I've provided you with a vaguely amusing summary! But any hints you might have about the identity of this novel would be greatly appreciated!