25 yo heartbroken virgin, enjoys long walks on the beach

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:10:53 -0800

Heartbroken after recently getting out of a 7 year relationship, and still a virgin. I'm a 25 yr old guy. Have done oral, but no vaginal sex, have done "outercourse" (which for all you horny but non-repressed sexual creatures, is just rubbing our naked naughty parts against each other, but no actual penetration), due to respecting the girl's wishes to wait until marriage. We had known each other for 7 years, I was ready to propose and everything. But over the last few months, she felt that we had grown apart, ended it, and started dating someone else. Oh, and the best part is that now she's ready. Just icing on the cake, that. It's over at this point, I can accept that. I'm moving on emotionally as well as can be hoped. . .which is not really that well at all, but i'm not suicidal or anything. And I have the support of my friends and family.

Since I haven't been single since I was 18, I have no real-world personal idea of how dating works. We were just two naive ppl getting together, and now that's all fucked. I just know what I know from friends, which makes the world seem like a jaded and cynical place of throwaway sex and disappointments for long-term potential. I have a lot of anxiety over starting that up, and I don't know if I'm even ready for all that yet.

I guess one of the biggest sources of anxiety is that my ex and I used to have absolutely great sexual chemistry, minus the sex. After 7 years, we both knew exactly what got the other one off, how to put each other in the mood, the secret spots, all that craziness. It seems so daunting now to try to have intimacy with another woman, and then flub around with the virgin question, and having the expected first few times of crappy sex before I'm functional.

I just feel at 25, I'm way behind the game here.

To keep it focused, my question(s) are as follows:
1. Will the sexual chemistry ever be as good? I really want the answer to this be yes, but obviously just be honest.
1. How/when do I tell a potential partner that I'm still a virgin?
2. Won't she be able to tell anyways?
3. How will this be taken ("wtf is wrong with you?" "aww that's sweet, let me teach you" "umm, no thanks, newbs no need apply. . )
4. More generally, how will I know that I'm ready to jump in? Some advice I've gotten is: jump in, it'll help you get over it, and others say wait until you are over it, then jump in. . . i'm confused and don't even know how to determine if I'm over it. All I know is that I'm not over it currently.
5. Are relationships ever as good as the one with your first love? Once again, I want ppl to say yes, but the honest truth is better.

I guess that's a lot of things to answer, but I appreciate any and all advice/wisdom. . .thanks mefi

Recommend some music for the heartbroken.

jalexei — Thu, 30 Sep 2004 10:55:14 -0800

Music for the Heartbroken (MI) A dear friend’s fiance is no longer her fiance, and she’s having a bit of a rough time – As a small token, I wanted to make her a fun CD with tunes of strong women shedding the ogres in their lives, but I’m a bit stumped beyond a kick-ass Sleater-Kinney track or two. Any songs you can suggest would be greatly appreciated. Any genre is fine.

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25 yo heartbroken virgin, enjoys long walks on the beach

Recommend some music for the heartbroken.