Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with health

Am I being realistic?

Anonymous — Tue, 21 May 2013 06:51:17 -0800

I'm getting ready to have a possible "final conversation" about financial responsibility with my boyfriend. I just want to check in to see that I'm being realistic with today's economy. I did the self employment thing within the last 10 years and failed miserably at it. I then took a stable government job, which I plan to stay at due to the pension and benefits. I don't LOVE it, but it gives me the time and freedom to do things that I do love.

My boyfriend is self employed going on 10 years. We've been dating for the last 1 1/2 years, seeing each other on the weekends. We've talked about marriage, but not in the short term. I'm in my early forties.

When we first started dating, I was leery of his self employment. However, he was doing a lot of things that made me feel at ease. He had a 401k, an emergency health care plan, and a house. He made himself out as a successful businessperson, whose family member was on top of the financial aspects.

As time went on, signs started to appear that things were amiss. He was fairly honest and forthcoming about what was happening. But not so honest with himself that (in my opinion) the situation was the result of years of bad financial habits. He blamed the family member and a slowdown at work.

So, in a matter of months, the health care plan was dropped, the retirement account was drained, and the house payments were late. Suddenly, he was using a different family member to help with the finances. The new financier had him on "a plan" to pay down the debt.

OK. But he kept spending money. On stuff. Tickets to shows, plants, etc. because "life is short". I told him of my concerns about his finances and spending habits. He would say that his new finance person chided him about the same thing.

I have told him all about my ex husband who had similar bad habits. It took me 7 years to get out that mess. I'm not planning to go through that again.

I have asked more than once now when he was getting back on the health plan. He works in a high risk profession for injury/medical issues. He keeps saying that he needs to talk with the family member doing the finances. Yes, the next conversation is setting the final request with "Thank you for being so honest so far but this could be a deal breaker for me".

I find it irresponsible that he spends money on "stuff" when he could be purchasing a health insurance policy. If something were to happen to him, I would be the one dealing with an uninsured patient. I've seen what my friend has had to do in a similar situation. If something happened, I would be bitter knowing some of the legwork could have been prevented with a health care plan. And then somewhat guilty because I'm supposed to support my potential future partner. That's probably messed up, but that's how I feel.

He seems to want to change, and I'm willing to give him the chance. But I can't help wonder what it's going to take to get me comfortable. My ex would act similarly acting like he wanted to change, but then lash out at me when I held him to what he said he would do. Ugh. Baggage or lesson learned?

Am I being unreasonable here? Is health insurance just considered optional now and I'm just out of touch? Is the new retirement plan "I do what I love so I'll just keep doing it the rest of my life?"

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far. I just want to hear some different opinions before I go into this difficult conversation.

How do insurance companies test for tobacco use?

deliciae — Mon, 20 May 2013 13:14:07 -0800

Someone asked me this this morning, and I have no idea so I thought I would throw it out to the green. I was asked: "In every insurance application I have ever filled out, there is a question about cigarette smoking, and smokers are charged higher rates to reflect the higher rates of related health issues. How do insurance companies test for smoking? I am sure insurance companies have ways to figure out if you've lied on the application so they can find a reason to deny your claims, but what are they? Are there ways to get around the test results as there are with marijuana tests?"

For the record I am not encouraging anyone to smoke, or to commit insurance fraud by lying about smoking - I am wondering about this because I have never thought of it myself before today.

Thanks!

When a health insurance company is awful, what recourse does one have?

StUdIoGeEk — Thu, 16 May 2013 12:20:36 -0800

What is in place to stop health insurance companies from simply NOT doing things they are contracted to do (i.e.: process and pay for prescriptions. Pay doctors etc.). Greetings,
My health insurance company (Nippon) is awful. I have been trying to get a medication I am on for 9 months, I have gotten it twice. They just come up with the craziest ways to avoid payment or filling prescriptions. They REGULARLY loose hard copy prescriptions, ask for pre authorizations over and over (ones that are supposed to last a year), make me re submit paperwork for pre existing conditions, just flat out not pay for stuff until I call to complain. I can't believe it is happening, it is so bad. I feel physically ill after talking to them sometimes.
The supervisors are just the same and I just keep jumping and re-jumping through hoops and they just shamelessly break out another one, re run or not.
I used to say "if I didn't know better, I'd think they were trying not to pay for anything". I now know that I DON'T "know better".
I can't drop it as it is associated with employment.

What can one do in this situation?

What kind of health insurance should I get?

The otter lady — Thu, 16 May 2013 09:02:09 -0800

I'm a single woman in her early 40's, unemployed (mostly), looking to purchase health insurance, and requesting advice from the hivemind on how much I should have, of what type. I'm 41, a single woman, no kids now or ever, a bit overweight but otherwise in pretty good health except for low-grade depression (dysthymia). I live with and look after my elderly mother and I also get some work in our little island community by walking dogs and pet-sitting, but there's very little other employment available. If I keep trying, I could probably get a part-time job at a store, but full-time, and any kind of company health insurance that comes with it, is pretty much not going to happen. While I don't have a lot of money, I also have no debts, but I realize that that could change, big-time, with one bad accident or illness. So I'm thinking I really should buy my own health insurance. The question is, what kind and how much should I get? I have USAA for my auto insurance and was thinking of using them for health insurance as well, but I'd still like advice on just what would be the best sort of plan for a person like me. Thanks for any help!

Are there any therapists who actually help you?

john123357 — Wed, 15 May 2013 22:33:39 -0800

I went to a couple ones and they just say “uhh huh” and “ya” and “how does that make you feel?” all the time and dont give me any advice. Are there any that actually help you and give you advice? I also want to mention that going just made me focus on my problems and feel sorry for myself instead of changing things and going just seemed to make my problems worse.

Exercising with my pre-teen?

monster max — Wed, 15 May 2013 04:37:40 -0800

I'm a dad and my oldest - now a pre-teen, who this year started at high school - is always tired and hates exercise. She was very active when she was younger but pressures of long school hours and homework have squeezed all that out of the calendar. Plus of course she's the age when children's bodies dramatically change size and shape and that's perfectly normal. Given all that, what's the best way I can help her to stay as fit and healthy as possible? What has helped for your kids? With a long journey to and from school, plus homework and music practice plus some clubs, there's not much time left for being active and healthy. What have you found has helped with your children? Something we can do together - whether it's changing our diet or adding in exercise - would be ideal.

We went out running together a couple of times (I'm not especially fit but I do run a couple of times a week) but she found it really hard and says she hated it. Any ideas for making it more fun / less intimidating?

She used to have swimming lessons and is a good swimmer but I don't think either of us much fancy the whole ploughing-up-and-down-the-pool-with-eveyone-else thing. Is there something different we could do?

We could go cycling but the drivers in our town aren't very considerate of adults on bikes and I'd be seriously worried about her inexperience + impatient or thoughtless idiot in a car ending up in an accident. There's nowhere very nearby for trail riding - we'd have to drive there, which would make it so much hassle that realistically, we'd just not do it. I'm not sure that's the answer either.

(Mum isn't very active and little brother is thin as a rake and muscly as a ... erm ... muscly thing from martial arts, so I'm not sure a Happy Family Activity would be the thing either - he'd just run rings round her and drive her mad!)

Thanks in advance for any ideas from more experienced parents. I'd love us to find something we could enjoy together.

Health insurance: covering an excluded condition?

gottabefunky — Mon, 13 May 2013 14:20:11 -0800

Can I convince my health insurance company to cover treatment for a condition my policy specifically excludes? I've been diagnosed with a condition (sleep apnea) that, insanely, my health insurance policy (PacificSource) explicitly doesn't cover.

The folks in the doctor's office suggested appealing for coverage on the basis of "medical necessity." The doctor said he'd even write a letter to this effect.

Is there any chance in hell that could work? I mean, honestly, without treatment I'd eventually cost them more money from other domino health effects, right?

If so, how should I go about it?

Zitfilter: What to do after a cystic pimple pops?

sevensnowflakes — Mon, 06 May 2013 19:38:43 -0800

On its own, so no berating me! It's my inaugural "gross" ask!

So. About two weeks ago, I had what I thought was a run-of-the-mill blackhead on my lipline, which I tried to extract. That did not work, and to punish me for my insolence, a monstrous dragon-cystic pimple began to form in its place. (ON MY LIP.) Because my grandfather taught me never to step in the same pile of, um, poo twice, I dutifully left it alone. No squeezing, no poking. However, I did start to apply hot compresses soaked in epsom salt water to the blemish as often as I could stand, and today I joyfully awoke to a giant, fully-realized head on my deep, deep cystic pimple. Hooray!

During one hot compress application today, I removed the compress to find that the pimple had burst on its own. (There might still be some sebum in there, but I sure as heck won't be squeezing to find out.) My question: what should I do/apply now? It looks like a little dark crater collapsing in on itself. Neosporin? Benzyl peroxide cream? Fairy dust? I have an appointment with a dermatologist on Thursday, which I would just LOVE to cancel if I can, as I'm uninsured and money is tight at the moment. I've read this previous ask, but that's geared toward pre-eruption.

By the way, if you ever want to thank your lucky stars that AskMeFi exists, just try Googling for information about pimples. It's like panning for gold, but with poor grammar and spelling.

I can no longer start or finish even the most basic tasks.

marsbar77 — Sun, 05 May 2013 23:10:06 -0800

And I mean anything. People, school, projects, hobbies... I always, always give up on the things I start. And it isn't even about losing interest. Yeah, there are things that I'll eventually lose interest in and quit and that's not really a problem. What bothers me is that I quit things I'm actually interested in, too. For example, I was so completely into a book I was reading last week. Really, really into it. You'd think I'd finish it, then, but I didn't. I have an entire library full of half-read books, most of which I'd love to start reading again but just can't. Won't. Cant. Ugh. It's like that with absolutely everything. I'm fascinated by psychology and started studying it but eventually stopped despite my continuing interest. I'd write a story, get to the middle, and stop, regardless my desire to keep working on it. I never finish art projects, never finish video games, and rarely finish movies or TV series. Heck, I can't even finish listening to songs! It doesn't matter how much I love the song-- I still have a terrible habit of stopping music half-way and going to the next one.

I do that with other things besides projects and hobbies. I'd befriend someone and eventually just drift away from them, and not because I'd find them no longer interesting or anything like that. I just do. I'd do so well in school for months and then just stop. And it's not that I hate school or anything. In fact, I quite *like* school. In the long run that doesn't mean a thing, though.

I don't know what's wrong with me or what to do to fix this. I've pushed myself to finish things in the past (obviously), but that usually leaves me feeling exhausted and completely disinterested in just about everything afterward, instead of feeling empowered or something like you'd expect. And the feeling would last for DAYS. For instance, let's say I pushed myself to write an essay. I'd feel so tired afterward, and finishing ANYTHING after that would become doubly hard. I truly don't know what to do.

I'm supposed to graduate college this month ( after six years) and I don't even know if I'll be able to complete the assignments required in my final courses, let alone do anything of value with my life afterwards. What's wrong with me?

Get thee to the ER, stat!

youandiandaflame — Sat, 04 May 2013 20:47:38 -0800

Is this a normal amount of time to expect to wait when YOU'RE BLEEDING IN THE DAMN BRAIN?! So, I awoke to a frantic call from my friend's mother at 3 am this morning. My friend was taken to the ER at 10 pm last night with a severe headache. He was initially diagnosed with a brain aneurysm.

My son and I drove up to the hospital first thing this morning. By noon today he had been transferred to the ICU but at that point, they had only done a CT scan which showed blood on his brain. They had also significantly doped him up on morphine for the pain. We were told that at noon they would do an angiogram to look for the aneurysm and an MRA at the same time as well.

They did the angiogram and found no evidence of an aneurysm but then inexplicably delayed the MRA. At 4 they took him down for the MRA but brought him back up over an hour later, unable to do the MRA because there was a 15 year old who'd suffered a stroke that they prioritized ahead of him. They said they would do his MRA shortly after that but when I left at 10 pm they had still not taken him for the test. As of 10 pm this evening they're still saying that the MRA is necessary and will get done today. As far as we've been told, there are no other medical complications preventing them from doing the MRA anytime.

I should also mention that at NO POINT has any doctor spoken to my friend's family about what's happening or why / when they're running any tests. Any information we got about the test came directly from my friend who had been informed by his doctor's. Keep in mind, I'm talking about my friend that's out of his mind on morphine and you know, bleeding up all inside his head. Getting any useful information from his nurse when her shift ended was like pulling teeth (and she was giving the information to my friend's mother, not me).

So, is this kind of delay normal? His family is quite pissed but after 24 hours still not pissed enough to vocalize it outside of our waiting room or to any hospital staff. But this seems like a very serious issue to me and it seems like doctors would want to determine the cause and fix this quickly, right? Am I overreacting in thinking that waiting 24 hours for 2 seemingly very important tests is just fucking ridiculous or is this just typical for a hospital on a weekend?

Please note, whatever the answers given here, I do not plan on sharing with my friend's family. I am incredibly close to this family but still, I don't consider this my business and do not plan to involve myself in any way, I'm just genuinely curious. The seeming lack of response over what I think to be a very serious medical issue today just confused me and made me wonder if I have some sort of overly weird idea about how serious this is and the timeframe in which things should be happening...

Best Fitness Apps

annabellee — Fri, 03 May 2013 13:12:42 -0800

Recommend the apps, websites, technological gadgets for exercise that you can't live without. I'm looking for amazing apps and sites that will help me stay fit. I'm a youngish woman and have found so many sites and apps (there are 64 from the past year on this site alone) but I am wondering which ones are actually good, that you'd recommend to a friend.

I know and like Couch to 5K and Nike Plus. I found some old posts where people suggested Gym Hero and Fitocracy but haven't tried either. I'm partial to fitness apps, but am also interested in goal-setting/healthy living websites, gadgets--whatever works.

I Was Just, Uh, Resting?

Anonymous — Thu, 02 May 2013 19:43:52 -0800

How do I explain the mental-health-related 2-yr gap on my resume? I have a job interview coming up VERY SOON-- and my resume has a 2 year gap in which I was basically not working, for mental-health-related reasons.

I did do some contract work during this time, but not much. This would be the first real full-time job I would have had since the mental health problems began. (They're resolved now.)

How should I handle it, if they ask about the gap?

Open building wall risk?

Chaussette and the Pussy Cats — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:41:33 -0800

Is an exposed, cracked concrete wall with open drywall a health issue on its own? Asking for my friend. She and her kids live in an apartment she owns and have moved out temporarily because they got sick and discovered some problems there. The property management firm thinks there is a building envelope issue, potentially. About a week ago, a drywall team opened the drywall (following asbestos abatement procedures, because it has asbestos in the drywall) and just left it open (there's a cement wall back there, but they didn't tape off the drywall edges or anything). Now the property management firm has a company testing to see if they can get water to go through the wall or come in from elsewhere, as they try to figure out where the water came from. There's also a big crack in the wall and there's now no carpet in the room (bare concrete). Her doctor is a bit freaked out and advised them not to go back yet (one of them has now developed asthma and these are kids, of course). The property management firm did an air test for mould and it was lower than counts for outside, although maybe it is enough and that was before they opened the wall - and one of the moulds was the kind associated with building moisture problems, although it was a low reading. The drywall team didn't drape the room or anything like that - there's no plastic sheeting up or anything.

Is this creating any potential issues? (Could mould or something go through the wall? Will asbestos get disturbed and fly around? One of the contractors pulled out a piece of foam from the wall today - would that create an asbestos issue?) She is worried about keeping her kids safe, but it's also stressful to be living in hotel. The contractors seem to think she is paranoid, but she thinks they are being dismissive, since they've said they've seen some pretty bad stuff elsewhere. It's the asthma and small kids that have her worried. Her doctor is concerned that something might come through the wall or that mould may not have shown up on the air test or that there could be stuff like fungi or yeast that wasn't part of the mould test. She would really like to go back home, though, and isn't sure what to do.

Help me buy my own health insurance.

brenton — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 22:38:18 -0800

I'm self employed. I need health insurance. My main concern is a random ER visit that will put me in debt for the rest of my life, so I told my wife not to worry about deductible prices, since I only need to go in once every few years anyway. She found something with a $4,000 deductible. And that was like $80/mo. The other ones were even more expensive. Is this price range right? Is this the only way to protect myself from crippling debt?

Look at the chimneys?

teststrip — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 01:49:40 -0800

Looking for a design project: A few years ago I saw a design project where someone made a set of black and white business cards or similar, that told people to look up at chimneys/roofs when they were down, as the light stimulated some sort of happy-chemical. But now I can't find it! I would love to see it again, if any of you lovely people have a clue what I'm talking about - or if you know of any sort of similar niftily presented data snippet about happiness tips and tricks I'd be interested in that too.

Accepting bipolar

elephantsvanish — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:08:57 -0800

How do you get used to yourself as bipolar (II)? Trying to understand my lows and mixed highs better, but find myself slipping into despair. I'm starting to get depressed again. I know that this is part of my cyclical moods, and having this knowledge that I didn't have (or rather rejected) over the past several years should be helpful, right? Instead I just feel bad about myself, damaged and despairing. As a recent NYT op-ed reflected, the diagnosis doesn't help you deal with the sense of self you're losing.

Any ideas of how to take strength in this process? I'm trying not to give in to my lousy feelings, but I just want to skip work and lie in bed. I feel like I need a role model, a way to accept this, something. Thanks.

Can germs travel from cheek to mouth?

puertosurf — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:12:43 -0800

I am trying to get sick less often. I notice that I touch my face frequently - itchy nose, eye allergies etc. I am going to stop doing that. However, do I also need to stop touching my face entirely? I like resting my chin on my hands. What if my cheek is itchy? From research on google, you're supposed to stop touching your face. Can germs actually travel from cheek to mouth, etc? Is this advice just to stop touching mucus membranes? By germs I mean common bacteria and viruses. Thank you!

SCUM Manifesto

airguitar2 — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 21:05:02 -0800

I do not think of myself as a dirty person, but when I'm in the shower and I scrape my nails over my neck/chest/back area, a grayish scum collects under my fingernails. What is this disgusting medley, and what can I do about it? I shower. I wash. Nonetheless, my skin seems to create a grayish, filmy, scum-like substance that I can scrape off with my fingernails.

Possibly related: my comb, after several uses, also seems to have a grayish film on the teeth.

Am I disgusting? What is this? How do I rid myself of the scum??

How high can a fever get before seeking care?

jsturgill — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 08:19:40 -0800

Feeling ill yesterday and today, with a fever, slight cough, stuffed nose, sore joints. Taking dayquil and nyquil, and keeping track of my temperature every few hours. What temperature means "go to the hospital?" What other symptoms re: the cough and nose might man go to the hospital? In america, with an okay PPO but no regular doctor yet.

Where to buy shoes for my 75 year old father?

Farce_First — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 14:12:31 -0800

My father just had double bypass surgery and is recovering. As part of his recovery he needs to walk - where can I take him to get some decent walking shoes in the Raleigh/Cary, NC area? Cost is no object, however I was thinking of going to REI first. A few less than fun facts - he's overweight and has bad circulation in his feet at this stage of the game if that impacts things.

Do I really need to see the pediatric neurosurgeon?

Mr.Know-it-some — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:31:12 -0800

YANMD, but perhaps you're more free to speak honestly than my doctor. My baby had a simple skull fracture. We have a regular checkup scheduled for a month after the incident, but the pediatric neurosugeon wants to see the baby at around the same time. Would that really offer any additional information? Details: Following head trauma, a CT scan showed that my baby had a simple skull fracture (linear, no depression) but no intercranial injury. The ER told us to have a 3-day followup with the regular pediatrician, and then come back in a month for a follow-up with a pediatric neurosurgeon. From my internet research, the 1-month seems to be to screen for a leptomeningeal cyst.

The 3-day followup was fine, and the primary-care ped said that because we already had a checkup scheduled for about a month after the accident, a separate appointment with neurosurgeon shouldn't be necessary. But when she asked, they wouldn't let her cancel it. She seemed unconvinced of the usefulness of the additional appointment, but said that "Well, if they want to see the baby, you should let them see the baby." We will ask again at the checkup, but I think the primary care doctor isn't in a position to give her honest opinion. Any informed opinions?

How can I inspire my partner to be a healthy, fit person with me?

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 10:20:11 -0800

I want to be a healthy, fit person, and I want my partner to want that, too. What's the selling point? How can I convince my SO to make this change with me and notice how our generally very sedentary life is sucking the life out of our relationship? Help! My partner and I have been together for years. We have occasionally been active together, but it's few and far between. I would love for us to be more active, but I have significantly less time than my partner, whose behavior is impeding my ability to make time for this personally. I work full time and I am also completing some necessary schoolwork that takes up a lot of my time. My partner doesn't have this additional responsibility, but I still find that we are contributing unequally around the house (I contribute more). This is obviously frustrating for me, but even more so when it causes me to have less time to take care of myself (and it's showing, which makes me feel even worse). I frequently work 10-12 hour days and come home to find that my partner has been home for hours and hasn't done anything, when I was planning to workout. Of couse, I don't have time for that because if I don't clean or make dinner, it won't happen. This is is definitely a separate but similar problem re: energy and commitment levels, which is why I'm including it here.

So my goal is to get us both working out, but not necessarily together. We in our early thirties and although we are within normal weight range, we are really "fat skinny". We pass for thin but would not consider myself or my partner as physically fit (highly sedentary at this point). I think many aspects of our lives, mostly our energy levels and hopefully our sex life, could be improved by being fit and feeling well. I am definitely doing my best to keep up with my health despite my time limitations, but my partner is really "no thanks" on the whole idea of being fit and exercising. How do I make it clear that this is important to me (you know, other than saying this, which is definitely something I've done)? We have no plans for a family (this would be very difficult for us anyway) so "being healthy for a family" isn't really a good place to start. We do have a gym membership; my partner just never goes. And I don't want the "start small" stuff like taking walks... We have pets and are (short-distance) velo commuters, so that stuff's already happening.

Also, I realize that I sound very negative, but I love my partner and don't want to be overly pushy about this. This isn't a matter of "you are really unhealthy and this is a dealbreaker" either; I just think we could both be in way better shape and be much happier for it. Thoughts?

Diet interventions, type 2, kidneys are only at 30 %, kidney Donor Help

TRUELOTUS — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 08:07:05 -0800

Hey All, So a close family member has type 2 diabetes and now his kidneys are only functioning at 30%. Do you know of any diet interventions he can take that might help him avoid dialysis ? I am not sure if Dr. Neal Barnard's program can still help him at this point. He is in Columbus, Ohio. Any doctors or specialist, as well, in the area to refer him too would be much appreciated also. Right now, doctors are telling him that in 2 years he will have to go on dialysis. In addition, my boss' friend found a kidney donor on craig's list. Any ideas how to find him a donor as well with social media, websites, etc, if it comes to the route. thank you

How to Properly Sleep Through the Night For Once

These Birds of a Feather — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 06:01:00 -0800

I have been waking up at the exact same time in the middle of the night for the past month or so, and it's majorly disrupting my ability to be a functional human being. This happens regardless of when I have gone to bed (usually I hit the sack between 10pm-1am).

Once I'm awake, I stay awake for an hour before falling asleep again, and then I eventually wake up at the right time totally groggy and depressed. How can I sleep completely through the night again, and why is this phenomenon happening in the first place?

My go-to fix has been taking a small sip of some high-strength codeine but I am tired of doing that because codeine makes me really depressed whenever I take it. This is an issue I've had to deal with for much of my adult life, but it's only recently that the whole thing has started up again.

Help me break on through to the other side of chronic fatigue

bryon — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 14:01:34 -0800

I’m a man, pushing 50, and I was diagnosed back in the mid-90s with fibromyalgia syndrome/chronic fatigue syndrome. No medication I tried over the next few years helped with either aspect. After years of practice, I’m dealing okay with the fibro pain, but the chronic fatigue is hitting like the metaphorical ton of bricks. I get up, feed both the cat and myself, shower, shave, dress, and I’m ready for a nap. I’ve got an advanced degree and work freelance from home, so I’m not getting paid just to show up. I can’t afford to put work off until I feel like it, nor can I make stupid, sleepy mistakes.

I’ve had new blood tests done and will go back to my doctor early next month. In the meanwhile, tell me, fellow sufferers, how you get through your day. What do you do to push through the fatigue and get things done correctly? Also, if you have ideas for how the conversation with my doctor should go, I’d be glad to hear that, too. Thanks.