Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with health and mental

I think I might have Asperger's. What should I do?

edguardo — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 11:32:59 -0800

I think I might have Asperger's. In my case, should I even bother being tested? What would a confirmation/disconfirmaton mean? I'm 22 years old, male, college student, soon-to-be post-bacc medical student.

I've been medicated in the past for anxiety and depression (Lexapro), but I've been drug-free for a year and, I think, coping really well.

My coping methods, however, are optimized for living alone, as I did for a year before my girlfriend moved in with me a few months ago.

When living alone, I can take all the time I need to myself to chill out, calm down, and take myself out of overwhelming situations, generally involving other people. I've been controlling my anxiety and mood swings by avoiding the things that cause them, and now that I live with someone else in a small apartment, I feel like a lot of my "solutions" have just been temporary fixes.

Now, I'd say we just need to work things out and talk to each other, which we're good at doing when we clash, except for the fact that both my girlfriend and my mother think that I have Asperger's.

If it were just me, I wouldn't bother seeing a mental health professional, since I know there's no "cure" for AS and it's just something you deal with. But it isn't just me; I have my relationship with my girlfriend to consider, and I know I can be very difficult to live with (I find myself difficult to live with sometimes too).

My girlfriend says I've become easier to deal with since she's decided I have AS, and my mother says she's wondered for years if I had mild autism. It just seems so late in the game, so to speak, for this to come up.

I'm afraid that if I am determined to have AS, that I'll be considered a faker or excuse-maker since I'm fairly well-adjusted. I'm afraid that if I'm determined NOT to have AS, that I'm dealing with something like a mood disorder instead, and I'm not interested in going back on medication.

I've already sent an email to a local psychiatrist who works with autistic children, asking if she counsels adults or who I should see about it. That's a first step, but how do you think I should proceed?

How do I deal with paranoia without addictive medication?

iabide79 — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 23:16:15 -0800

What are some suggestions concerning dealing with feelings of near constant paranoia? I question everyone's motives all of the time and I know that's not normal. A friend or family member can't even say anything nice to me without me over thinking it and picking it apart. I don't trust anyone anymore and it just keeps getting worse to the point where I have pretty much cut off all contact with all of my friends,even the ones I know in my head don't mean me any harm. I don't want to live like this anymore but I just don't know what to do. I am taking welbutrin and just got off of tranxene a few weeks ago. It was a miserable experience getting off of it, there is no way I want to take any more benzos. I don't think I can do therapy because I don't feel comfortable talking to a complete stranger(face to face) about my feelings. I have felt like this for a long time but it has gotten worse in the past year. I feel so alone. Any and all suggestions are welcome. Thanks for reading this.

I hated my job, but now that I got let go, I feel even worse.

greatalleycat — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:42:04 -0800

How to deal with unemployment + feeling like crap? Just got let go last week from crap job I hated, but now feeling more miserable than ever. I am the girl in this question that got a DUI a few weeks back and said my life is over. Due to this and me not being able to give definite answer about getting occupational privileges (in OH, where draconian laws just got worse) I was fired on Friday at 4 after busting my ass all day. They can go to hell, I was still doing my job. They were just looking for people to drop I guess, was convenient excuse for them.
How do people who were abruptly laid off/fired structure their days? I can't spend all day job-searching, how do you fill time?

My firing came after a several-months long bout of depression related to seeing everything fall apart at work. I should have dealt with it earlier, perhaps my life would not suck now.
However, I thought I would be happy to be gone from work, but I feel even worse. Before, I was just angry, now I am just miserable and have problems going to sleep because I am thinking my life is ruined forever and I am a total failure who should be really successful because I came from good family and went to good schools.

I would like to get this addressed medically since I don't know how else to feel better. I used to think job was what made me miserable, but I guess it wasn't all of it because I am just sad now instead of angry constantly like before.
I am delaying help because I don't know how to seek out a therapist (who would be best for me and not really $$) and a doc to give me meds. I'm also waiting to see if I can afford COBRA. I also have to rely on getting rides from family as I probably won't be able to get driving privileges since I don't work. I am in the Cleveland area in a place where I cannot walk or bike to work easily, especially as winter comes on.

I believe I was not let go with "just cause" so I believe I can get unemployment benefits in OH.
I know I sound like a whiny brat, but I would like to feel for one day I haven't completely ruined my life.

I'm totally screwed. What do I do?

greatalleycat — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:55:56 -0800

My escalating depression has caused me to hit rock bottom, mainly an arrest for DUI and will almost certainly be fired since they are using any excuse to fire anyone. What do I do now to recover mentally and get another job when I can't drive and have a record? I work at a newspaper, and the constant layoffs and the demeaning things I have had to experience has made me depressed for nearly a year. I don't just hate my job, I hate myself, my life, God, any writing and am an angry person. I should have seen the signs, but I thought everything would magically get better, everyone would love me, etc., if I got another job. That never happened, maybe I should have just quit. However, my job is the one thing I have, crappy as it is.

A couple months ago, I got transferred to a less prestigious assignment for writing something on Facebook I'm not supposed to, maybe I should have just quit.
Lately, I've been going to bars and driving home, which this week got me arrested. I guess it's my due, I've done it more times than I remember. I work v. far away from home due to shit wages. This is a small town where I work. They aren't just Nazis about being "tough on crime" they know me and it is even more humiliating. I won't get off with just a fine, if you know what I mean.

How do I recover from this? I don't want to just stay at home all day, I'll go nuts. I'm ok with money for now, I live at home and my parents haven't disowned me yet. I could get a crap job, but it's OH and I don't know if anyone will hire me.
I have to make court dates, so I can't flee the country unfortunately.

I'm not sure if therapy+meds is worth it, I can't change what happened, even though you guys think that's the greatest.

God, will I ever stop wanna feeling like crawling in a ball and escaping?

help it all go away

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 07:51:18 -0800

Bad memories are interrupting my life. What do I do and how do I cope with it? I had a great upbringing in lots of ways and my mum remains a great lady, but my feeling about family is coloured by the way my dad behaved - from age 9 to when I left home, I was subject to his enormous mood swings and temper - when my mother was out at work, he would often find a small misdemeanour to get angry about, then spend hours shouting at me until I was hysterical, then shout at me again for 'snivelling', calling me names (stupid, boring, moronic, that my untidy room caused his heart attack), and hitting me over the head, sometimes with implements such as a book or a teatray. On one occasion he didn't believe me when I said I had not taken his batteries, and kicked a hole in the bathroom door while a schoolfriend of mine who was staying over was on the other side. (Perhaps co-incidentally, I've suffered from migraine since I was nine, and my brother has recently seen the hospital after severe headaches and they found something in his brain which requires medication.) Outside of this, he was overbearing, wouldn't allow me to speak up or disagree with him (at twenty, saying 'calm down' led to him getting so angry he spat in my face and told me that if I spoke to him like that again I'd never be allowed to cross the doorstep ever again) didn't take an interest in my life or congratulate me if something went well, would ignore visiting friends
and boyfriends in favour of the TV but say things like 'when you go out looking scruffy people I know might see you and it will embarrass me' and would be incredibly rude and dismissive about anything he didn't agree with, down to the smallest choices. In my early twenties I undertook therapy on this as I was waking up with flashbacks and wanted to leave it behind. When he died, my family forgot how much of an arsehole he could be (my mother and he did not speak for six months because she shouted at him during an argument, and he would throw his rubbish in bags out of the upstairs window rather than walk through the livingroom, where she was, to the bin) and thought that I was less upset about his death because I was pretending it wasn't happening - I'd rather not change that. What did upset me was the effect it had and has on my mum.

Anyway, last time I had the flashback thoughts was just before a nervous breakdown, and for the past couple of months it's been happening again. It feels like I'm back in that situation again and equally powerless - like someone's yelling at me and telling me that all the negative thoughts I have are true, and I can't answer back. I'm terrified something is about to break again, and I don't know how to deal with it - I found therapy the first time very difficult, there's almost a taboo on discussing less than perfect family relationships (for years nobody knew why I would get in a bad mood before father's day) and I find this extremely difficult to talk about. I had an argument with my boyfriend at the weekend and one of the things he said unwittingly reminded me of it all, and I couldn't stop crying - as I find it difficult enough to talk about this, I couldn't explain to someone who was angry with me, and he just thought I was putting it on. I finished a relationship once before - albeit one that had been going wrong for some time - because the way he was acting (breaking my things, shouting at me in an incredibly nasty way, getting physical, not giving a shit if I was upset) reminded me too much of the situation in my teenage years and I felt pretty angry with myself for putting myself in one like that again. Now it seems like it's wrecked another relationship and it's not generally doing me any good, either.

I feel like I've spent years not able to tell people why I get upset, and I feel like I don't want to go through it anymore - being someone with 'triggers' or 'daddy issues'. hearing that critical voice constantly in my head and not being able to take the present at face value, going through another breakdown and losing aspects of my life that I've worked hard to keep in place.But I don't think I can go through life with this happening every few months or couple of years. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

How to become more confident in my life?

Anonymous — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 14:49:09 -0800

I've lacked confidence in every aspect of my life, and it's holding me back. What can I do? Since I was a young boy, I've felt like I wasn't good enough to be successful. I never felt like I was as athletic or smart as others. In college and grad school, this sense of being a fraud and not smart or talented enough carried over.

This feeling has pervaded my entire life. I didn't apply for internships and scholarships in college. I didn't apply for jobs or scholarships in grad school. In these instances, I felt like there was no point in applying because I wouldn't get them. There would also be times when I would be paralyzed by fear of applying and being rejected, and would go sleep or watch TV.

Now, I'm in a dead end job, and am too unconfident to try and get another job. I look at jobs and my mind instantly goes to reasons why I won't be qualified for the job. Other times, I'm very fearful of being rejected. This is severely hampering my ability to advance my career.

This lack of confidence has also extended into my romantic life. I never approach women because I assume they'll say no because I'm too fat or ugly. As a result, I didn't have my first girlfriend until 25, and have only had 2 serious relationships in my 30 years. My lack of confidence has me worried that I will never find anyone or die alone.

I've been in therapy for a couple of years, and have been tangentially discussing these issues. I just recently realized through talking with my therapist that this lack of confidence is why I never take risks and why I've been held back in my life.

Are there any methods that any of you have used to get over this sort of problem? Are there any books or sites I can consult when I can't see my therapist or that will give me additional insight?

Thanks for any help. If you need to follow up, I've set up a throwaway e-mail at unconfidentman@gmail.com

Harassed by my schizphrenic neighbor

ztdavis — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 10:50:52 -0800

My downstairs neighbor, who is most likely schizophrenic, has been harassing my wife and me. Our landlord seems unenthusiastic about evicting her, and we are unenthusiastic about moving ourselves. What legal options can I pursue? Does anyone in Chicago have personal experience with a (cheap!) lawyer they might recommend? As far as I can tell there are two options:
1. Get her evicted somehow.
2. Force her to get on her medication.

Any insight on pursuing either option (or other options!) is greatly appreciated. Living peacefully with her below us is the ideal, but I'm not sure that is any longer an option.

Do you need a lawyer to get a restraining order? Can you get a restraining order against a neighbor in Illinois?

Here's the summary of our interactions with her:

August 2008: We move into this apartment

October 2008: She confronts me in our stairwell and accuses me of attacking her, causing hairs to grow places on her body, and black specks to show up and flake off of her. She tells me she wants to "live in peace" and that we need to move out.
We tell the landlord that she has confronted us and are told she is "mostly harmless.

March 2009: On a few occasions we hear intense screaming through the floor at night. We assume she is fighting with her boyfriend, but after deliberately listening through the floor we here yelling things like "you are trash", "move out", "this has been happening since August; why are you doing this to me?", "if you don't move out I will kill you", "I will have you killed", "you are the lowest of the low".
We call the police, who tell her if she does not stop yelling and they have to come back that night that they will take her to a hospital. She stays quiet through the night, but yells at us the next day through the door. Our landlord says they will contact her ex-husband to see if he can help her get back on medication.

Three nights ago: Starting around 11:00 at night, she comes up to our door and yells at us to stop attacking her, etc. We called the police, who came up to our apartment to discuss what was going on. While they were there, she came up and again yelled at us. They confronted her, on our doorstep, and told her to get back on her medication. She told them that we need to stop using our ray gun to attack her through the floor. They told us there was nothing they could do because "[their] hands were tied". We contact our landlord again, who says he will send her a "ten day notice", saying that she needs to correct her behaviour or there will be consequences, perhaps even eviction. The landlord asks us if we want to move to another unit "whenever one becomes available."

Two nights ago: She leaves a note by the apartment mailboxes saying that we have "beared [sic] false witness against a neighbor" by lying to the police and that "there are penalties for your actions". We notify our landlord that things aren't getting better and email them a scanned copy.

Last night: Sometime between 10:30 and 11:30 PM she came up and taped another note to our door. Same tone as before. We send our landlord a copy of this note as well and are told that they are "drafting a letter right now" to send to her about the ten days notice.

I am trying to be straightforward in my descriptions here, but my wife and I are creeped the fuck out (especially after the death threats in March) and hate going to and from our apartment because we have to walk past her door and never know when we might run into her. This is three nights in a row that she has done something, and we are afraid that things are going to get worse, and not better.

The landlord doesn't seem to want to evict her and would rather move us into another unit in the building, which I personally don't see helping the situation; she'll still be able to walk up to our front door. Evicting her might make her even more aggressive, but even knowing where we live it would be far more difficult for her to get to our doorstep and confront us in our building. The police seems to be in a "well, she's not acting violent so we can't take her in to a hospital" situation, although medication seems to be the best (although perhaps temporary) fix, as no one has to move.

Thanks for any help.

Help my brain...in Japan!

Griffinlb — Tue, 26 May 2009 08:32:53 -0800

Looking for some advice on how to cope with long-standing psychological issues - except...I'm studying in Tokyo for the next month, which adds some unique twists. I'm studying Japanese here in Tokyo for the next month, and I'm feeling relatively isolated - by the language, by the living arrangements, but mostly by myself. While I expected to have a fresh outlook, and leave my old mindset back in the states, all of the issues I've been dealing with for the past few years followed me here with a vengeance.

I realize I need a therapist, and I had one in the past, but the prospects of seeing one here in Tokyo are both complicated and probably expensive...and I'm only here until the end of June.

So, now for some background info:

I'll try to be as concise as I can, but it's very hard to break down logically. I'm sorry if this gets obtuse - or if I leave out anything pertinent.

I'm 18. I grew up with a (mildly) bipolar father & both my parents were relatively young. I've always (since a very young age) had issues with anxiety - since I was 7 or 8 I have never had any lasting period of contentedness. A few years ago, however, things took a turn for the worse.

During the summer a few years back I had a traumatic breakup with my girlfriend - I made a lot of reprehensible decisions and dealt with shame, guilt and self-hate for the subsequent year. Without getting too detailed, I had a period of total confusion following the breakup, (I was reading crime & punishment which didn't help), and I came out of it feeling like my brain had been dipped in battery acid.

I suffer from low to...less-low anxiety constantly, but generally it feels a little bit more like depression. My anxious tendencies have a lot to do with control - over my life, my environment, my self. More importantly though, I have deep issues with self worth - and beneath the surface I feel constantly evaluated/judged in everything I do. I also have come to realize I have difficulty connecting with other people in a healthy way.

So.

Now I'm in Japan. In the past, all of these issues seemed to subside when my circumstances changed. Sadly, they've shown no signs of going away. I guess these things truly do come from within...shucks.

I'm attending a language school where there are mostly Korean and Chinese students. I feel like I do not know enough Japanese to strike up meaningful friendships with my non-english-speaking peers, and it's even harder to communicate with native-Japanese-speakers. On the other hand I feel like I do not connect with my US peers, and I find the few friendships I have un-fulfilling. I would like to be happy without needing a peer group I connect with, but I've come to realize I rely heavily on the approval of others - and even when I receive it, my own negativity renders it meaningless.

In combination with the feelings of isolation, I feel demotivated, often depressed, and lackadaisical. I know a fair amount of Japanese grammar, so I have little motivation to study for my class. I've tried my best to practice independently using some nifty websites I found, but lately I haven't been keeping up with that - I'm dying to improve my Japanese, but I'm not confident that studying from a textbook is the best way to do it. I also feel constantly anxious that I am not taking advantage of my time here in a place that has inspired me since childhood. I have been sketching every day, which feels like the only thing that has kept me going.

Here are some technical factors: 1 - I have a limited budget from my parents (and I feel often guilty about 'wasting' their money). 2 - I have class from 1- 5 with a 45min-1hr train ride there and back, which breaks up the day inconveniently. 3 - Because my dorm is so far away, (and allows male guests only, and only until 9pm), it is hard to find any activities that do not require copious amounts of money. 4) I often feel compelled to take advantage of the meal plan and go home for dinner, which leaves me trapped in a (very) boring town.

Right now things are a little better, but as always my feelings are day to day with me. The past two nights I've stayed up late drinking alone and drawing, which feels liberating, but probably isn't such a good thing. Today I slept until 3, and didn't go to class for the first time.

Well, this is certainly obtuse. I'm sure that's more than enough information...

I'm just looking on some advice on how to turn things around, feel more confident and alive here in Japan. I would love to be jazzed about being here, and motivated to do things every day - without feeling like I need people that I connect to. (For me, 'people that I connect to' is code for 'girls that I adore' - in case that helps at all)

Any advice that goes above and beyond my stay in Japan is more than welcome.

I'm sorry that this turned out so long and complicated. It probably didn't need to be.

Thank you Hive Mind, for taking the time. I really appreciate any advice, comments etc.

If you come to work with the 'flu, why can't I come to work with the weepies?

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 08:13:45 -0800

I disclosed depression at work. Most of the things people tend to do in response to a depressed colleague are things which actually make me sicker. What to do? I've lived with depression for years. Mostly I manage it quite well and I've never disclosed it at work. Today, my boss caught me crying and asked me straight up what was wrong. I told her. She was cool, and understanding, and has promised to keep my disclosure confidential. But she told me to go home and wants to talk with me later about workload.

How do I work in an environment where the person managing my workload knows that I'm impaired? It's a stressful industry. Everybody has bad days and the work still has to be done. I don't want to be the emotional gimp of the office and I don't want special treatment. It's embarrassing to be allowed not pull my weight and I'm afraid that any reduced output will reflect poorly on me in the future.

I'm young, ambitious and working on a short contract in a very high-pressure industry. I know my workplace probably is full of crazy people of various descriptions, but there's a lingering attitude that if you can't handle the heat, you should get out of the [metaphorical] kitchen. I'm already concerned that disclosing my condition, whether directly or by being seen to have a meltdown at work, will mark me out as being ill-suited to this job. How can I convince my employer that I can handle a stressful job despite having a stress-sensitive illness?

I would very much like to hear from successful people in stressful jobs who have managed depression at work without becoming the Fragile Employee of their department. I just need to know that it's possible.

Advice for this girl on leaving the nest (again)?

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:48:16 -0800

Help me move out of my family's house. I'm 26 and currently living with my family but I would like to move out. This wouldn't be a problem except three years ago I had a very bad breakdown (I was diagnosed bipolar; it's medicated and I'm talking to someone). Before that I had been relatively independent; I was getting my degree and did not really need them for anything. However, after the breakdown I was forced to move back in with them. Even though I technically did (my belongings were moved back), I spent the next year or so trying to avoid them as much as possible by basically living with my boyfriend (my family and I don’t know how to get along). After an attempt at moving in together that failed miserably, I found myself at my family’s again.

Currently: I am back in school (full financial aid) but my financial situation is bad (I don't have a job). I don’t have any friends I can crash with until I find a job; they’re all living with families or boyfriends. My family wants me to move out too. Even though we live together, interaction between us careens ridiculously between “of course you can stay, we’re your family” and “get ouuuuuttttt!” I’m seriously considering living in my car…

Normally, pre-breakdown, I would have been confident and independent enough to move out, get a job, and figure things out on my own. But post-breakdown and since all attempts at moving out seem to have failed miserably, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to do it and I don’t know what to do next.

Can anyone give me some concrete, practical encouragement or advice or share your experiences about how you finally got a job/moved out, especially if it took you a while? I am fully willing to…and have been for a long time! But I don’t know why I can’t get my act together and these repeated failures are really discouraging me -- especially since I'm 26 and I should've figured out how to live on my own already.

TIA.

How do I get my body to calm down?

Anonymous — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 12:12:55 -0800

How do I begin to deal with what appears to be generalized anxiety disorder? I am wondering about experiences with anxiety medication... Help me fix my whacked out body! In the last year, my stress has gone from just being stress to anxiety of varying magnitudes. I'm looking to deal with this, and I'm beginning to wonder if medication is the way I need to go. I need some advice from those who've taken medication for anxiety or know those who have.

This probably deserves a little back story. I'm youngish (roundabout college age), and my teenage years were spent in turmoil because of my family. It may be worth mentioning that one of my parents is severely mentally ill (read: craaazy). While logically I've dealt with a lot of what it meant to be a child amid that--and yes, been to therapy--I went from that stress, to the stress of college and living on my own, to the positive but nonetheless stressful event of meeting and marrying a wonderful guy.

I kind of feel like I haven't had emotional rest in a long time, if really ever. This has all added up to the point that I can't rest now that most things are going well and right. (And yes, I try to meditate, but to little to no avail.) It's very frustrating, indeed.

In the last six months to year, I have had issues with sleeping (going to sleep, but no problems once I'm asleep), having my mild skin disorder rev up a bit (it's stress-related), and have begun to exhibit physical signs of an anxiety disorder.

That's probably what is most annoying. My head is mostly clear and logical. I do not have many irrational thoughts, and those I do have I can usually talk myself though, like most people. It's just my body gets keyed up over everything now, it seems. I am in my final year, and on my way to classes, I begin to get jittery, for instance, and my stomach turns to knots. Sometimes in class, I feel myself shaking a little and sweatier than usual. On other occasions, I have been walking down the road, fine and dandy, and then suddenly I get all this muscle tension and this "heavy" emotional feeling. Out of nowhere. There is absolutely no reason for this. I am not mentally nervous about going to the classes, meeting people, etc. My body just behaves this way, as far as I can tell.

Clearly, though, it is anxiety, just because of the way it makes me feel; it's like stress 2.0. About the only time I'm not getting all keyed up is when I'm with friends or my partner. At least that's good! My body seems to go nuts when I'm out on my own, so maybe I've got strange emotional issues surrounding that, but I really don't know what they'd be. I'm pretty ballsy and confident, even despite my body's funniness, so the reactionary anxiety symptoms are really bizarre.

Given this, should I take medication (or possibly Kava?) to get me over the hump? I get the impression that my body just needs to be trained to relax a bit, to sit down and STFU, if you will, and then it'll be able to do that. I would go back to CBT, but I don't really know what I'd talk about week in, week out, and I don't have that money or time to blow, anyway.

I know you are not my doctor, but I ask here, because I feel doctors and psychiatrists are pretty shit at honestly and realistically expressing the side effects--both positive and negative--of taking certain meds. I'd also like to know which meds you or your loved ones have had good/bad experiences with, so I will have something to go in with if/when I do see my doctor. Also, see my GP or look for a psychiatrist? My insurance is crap, so I will pay either way probably.

A throw-away account: fixmeplzkthx@gmail.com.

"I never would have gotten through it without the support of friends and family." Wait, what friends and family?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:47:00 -0800

How can I trust people again? (Lengthy, can also be characterized as "whiny".) It's like there's this horrible clear shell around me. I see other people, I desperately want to connect with them again, I desperately want to feel a sense of connection to the world-at-large, I cannot do it. I can't believe in something bigger, I can't believe in something better than all of this no matter how hard I try...

It is three years ago and I am working with an organization that has started taking a serious toll on my mental health...I eventually quit, but it is a little too late for me not to remain affected.

I have expended huge amounts of passion and energy into my job and my life, but the people I have tried so hard to work for and the friends I have tried so hard to be there for totally are not there for me back. At this point I feel totally used. I basically feel like I've been parasitically drained and that anyone will take advantage of you given half a chance.

I try to turn to anyone and everyone I can because I think I have a support system but all of a sudden, it's as if no one gives a shit. And by no one, I mean no one. I try to reach out to family, to friends, to colleagues, to mentors, even to supervisors, to anyone in my damn community...

Basically, everyone, any group of people you can name that I think I can count on leaves me hanging. Their basic response is: "Yeah yeah whatever we've all got problems."

I have never felt myself to be defined by the people around me, but this lack of support leaves me utterly shocked. Basically I feel like the world has dropped away from under my feet at this point. Like the entire world has abandoned/left me. I mean shit, if even the people WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU CAN'T BE THERE FOR YOU, what kind of shitbag must you be? (And who are you anymore if your friends and family won't acknowledge you?)

I start going crazy, because I feel like I have all this stuff going on inside my head, and if no one's helping me out with it, I must be imagining it because GODDAMNIT SUCK IT UP ALREADY.

Sucking it up is not doable. I try to hurt myself. I am dragged to a mental hospital. It has been up and down since.

Like I said, it's been three years by now. I learned to deal with some glaring issues (all that stuff in bold, for example, is the stuff that keeps circling around in my head, and I'm sure you can armchair some stuff of your own). I learned how to talk to a counselor (I trust her, yes). I learned how to take medication (Wellbutrin and Seroquel and yes, I'm fine with it -- for now). I have ended a horrible codependent 2 1/2 year relationship with someone, the kind I never would've imagined myself getting into back when I was healthier. I have gone back to school. Even though it sounds unlikely, I'm actually in a much better spot than I was those years back. I should be getting out of this right?

I have not tried to talk to anyone in my classes. I have made no friends this semester. I barely look anyone in the eye.

I don't like to be like this. It is not me. I used to be an activist for chrissake. I am shit-scared of everyone, I HATE being scared, I feel like a bitter, shrivelled-up old lady (I am 26/f), I think every human relationship I have is going to fail, I think everyone is going to leave me hanging again, I feel everyone is just going to betray me, I have walked away from anyone who has tried to befriend me ever since then, I have walked away from everybody I used to know, I just cannot bring myself to be close to people, I find any kind of reason to cut them off and out of my life, I purposely try to alienate people as hard as I can to get them out of my life and have gotten horribly good at it, I can't bring myself to trust the people who now say they're there for me, I don't answer the phone, I don't even go out anymore, I have become ridiculously paranoid and dread any kind of human interaction that's more than cursory...I hate myself because I feel shitty and low for feeling rejected, I hate everyone else with a furious passion because I feel rejected.

I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to believe people are bad...but I can't stop myself. Help. Why can't I break out of this shell?

*For the past couple of days I've been meditating on the "outer reality is a reflection of your inner reality/you hate others because you hate yourself" thing. Maybe this is true. I don't know. If it is, how can I forgive myself? What am I supposed to forgive myself of?

**If you even made it this far, seriously, thanks.

I say he's crazy; therefore, he must go through an evaluation.

metalheart — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 09:37:51 -0800

Australian (and U.S.) Mental Health/Legal Filter. Can you just go and talk your GP into having someone put through a psychiatric evaluation? One of my close friends is studying medicine here in Melbourne, Australia, and in one of his various internships, a psychiatrist told him that anyone can recommend someone get a psychiatric evaluation, through their GP. In other words, if you wanted to, you could go through the process against another person, like so:

Go to your local GP. Talk to him about the person you consider to be mentally ill, and, if the GP agrees with you that this sounds like a mental illness that could cause harm to that person or those around him, that person must, by law, go through a psychiatric evaluation.

Psychiatrist telling him this or not, I call bullshit on it--at least some of it. It seems like, surely, there must be some evidence (other than words/hearsay) that a random individual has to provide for a GP to sign this off. Moreover, it would seem the GP would actually have to see said mentally ill individual, not just hear what some other person has to say about him.

If not, I can very easily imagine people doing this just to disturb someone they don't like/broke up with/fired, etc. It seems too easy: pick a mental illness, go speak with a GP, get him to agree with you, and in no time at all, the person you're saying is mentally ill has to go in for an evaluation. Talk about stressing someone out, if you're lying!

Is this true? If so, under what law? I've not been able to find it through searching. I'm looking for laws and policies, if possible, though anecdotal evidence is okay, too.

Extra Question: I know a bit about involuntary commitment and the like under U.S. law, and I know that a doctor himself can recommend involuntary commitment for one of his own patients that he deems a danger to himself or others, but is there anything similar to the above?

If these laws do exist in either or both countries, what provisions are there to protect individuals from being evaluated wrongfully? I.e., suing doctors and the like.

somebody help me

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:53:44 -0800

I've recently taken on, what I've found to be, the most miserable and painful task ever. That is, finding a mental health provider that is covered by my insurance... (Long "please-for-the-love-of-everything-good-in-this-world-Help-me" story.) I haven't had much luck though and since I've decided to ask for help, and can't find any, my problems seem to have been exasperated and I'm feeling more and more helpless.
I don't know how long I've been like this, possibly forever. I feel crazy though. I'm often irritated, angry, depressed, exhausted and extremely anxious simultaneously. Today, for example, I really had a problem convincing myself that it was a good idea to go to work. Then, after finally forcing myself out of bed, I spent the day fighting back tears and feelings of rage. I fantasize about hurting myself when I can't handle these emotions. I have acted on those fantasies in the past, but not often. I do pick at my skin constantly, i.e. acne that's not really there, hangnails that I've created. I guess all that's really beside the point. I'm just feeling less and less in control and I'd like to know what I'm supposed to do.
I finally found a psychiatrist who will see me in two weeks. I don't know if I can wait that long, but I can't afford anyone outside my plan. Any ideas? Any similar experiences? Am I really crazy?

Please help me sort out my anxiety-related relationship problems and help me to have an open heart.

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:06:39 -0800

Please help me sort out my anxiety-related relationship problems and help me to have an open heart. I am really struggling a lot with seemingly intractable problems with some of the relationships in my life. When it comes to dating, I have a deep mistrust of men that is hard to overcome. I don't know where it really comes from--maybe from bad experiences or from my anxiety, which is almost crippling--but I am so distrustful and "closed off" that it's hard to let someone in. I'll meet someone who seems nice but in the back of my mind "maybe he only wants one thing" and I don’t allow myself to trust him. This, I think, make me say things that come across the wrong way or act rejecting without meaning to.

As I mentioned, I seem to have a knack for either saying things the wrong way or being misunderstood. I wasn’t allowed to be around other kids much when I was little, and my family a very poor role model for communication. So although I have improved a lot, my relationships sometimes turn sour without my having a clear understanding of why.

I also seem to misunderstand others quite a lot, and perhaps my reading of people and situations is a little “off.”

All of this has lead to a high-intensity anxiety situation! Since so many relationships did not work out in the past, I always expect and predict that the next one won’t work out too. It seems to be like a self fulfilling prophecy because sometimes I see drama/conflict/rejection when it isn’t really there. A lot of this I think is due to my anxiety, but unfortunately even with long-term psychotherapy my progress is very slow. Sometimes I literally *cannot* relax and I have physical symptoms like aches, pains, and irritability.

I have tried pharmaceuticals. Only one antidepressant (Celexa) was of any value, and my response to it was extremely positive. I was calm, relaxed and easygoing…the complete opposite of the nervous wreck that I am without it. However, I had numerous and side effects (weight gain, sexual problems, extreme tiredness, lack of motivation, etc.) and just decided that I would have to work on fixing my insides rather than hoping for a medication to fix all of my problems. (I do take benzos when I have an anxiety attack, but I can’t take them all of the time.)

Anyway, this is a long question, but I guess I’m wondering is how can I learn to open up to others and let go of my fear of rejection and my high-strung, anxious nature? I spend a lot of time analyzing “what went wrong” in various situations but I’m not sure it’s really getting me anywhere. As I said, I’m in therapy (and very pleased with it) but these are really complex problems and I’m discouraged by my slow progress. I will mention that I have some trauma in my past (not sexual trauma, but general trauma) that probably contributed to all of these problems.

Is the boogeyman real?

Anonymous — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:14:07 -0800

Anxieties about my own safety and that of my loved ones are making it hard for me to sleep at night. The onset of dusk makes my stomach knot. When I was a child and would see a scary movie, it would be hard for me to sleep for a few nights afterward. Every time I closed my eyes I would open them immediately, expecting an axe-wielding maniac to be standing over my bed. Ever since I had a child last year, I feel exactly as I did then. Like "they" are waiting just beyond my vision to cause harm to me and mine. It doesn't help that we had a spate of robberies in my neighborhood this time last year - the thieves came in to my neighbor's house through an unintentionally unlocked side door. Also fairly recently, a bright shining light in the community was at home in a very good neighborhood when two young sociopaths came into her house via an unlocked door, took her, drove her around and killed her.

Reading descriptions of movies like "The Strangers" and "Funny Games" doesn't help. I am obsessed with the thought that sociopaths, psychopaths, thieves and other amoral characters are roaming the streets right outside my house, just waiting for us to leave a door unlocked for a moment.

(and then I worry by thinking about it, I am somehow willing it to happen! aaaaahhh!)

How do I ever close my eyes and sleep again without all this worry? I am not a dog person (and besides, I know more than one person whose dog did nothing to scare off intruders) and we do have a security system. I'm starting to think I should sleep with a Taser under my pillow.

How to climb out of severe depression?

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:05:47 -0800

How to climb out of severe depression? I am severely depressed, to the point where I've been forced to leave my job and move back in with family members. I am seeing a therapist and am on medication, but so far have experienced few positive results. I basically am completely unmotivated to do anything but surf the internet, watch TV, and exercise. I've gone from being a successful young professional to doing essentially nothing, all day, every day. This feeling of "doing nothing" worsens the depression, and I'm thinking that achieving some simple goals might help by giving me some small feeling of accomplishment, which might improve my depression. What are some simple goals that I can set or simple projects to attempt so that I can feel like I am doing something? Preferably things that don't require leaving home, because I'm also dealing with social anxiety, but anything is welcome. Also welcome are alternative suggestions for dealing with the depression, besides the standard "exercise" or "get outside". Thanks so much.

A garden enclosed is my sister

Julia F***ing Sugarbaker — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 14:49:04 -0800

How can I help my sister come to terms with her mental health issues? My sister and I have shared a home on and off for several years. She was at the top of her game for a long time, but has always been very volatile, with hairpin-turn mood swings and anxiety problems. This past winter she went into a tailspin; she broke up with a boyfriend who had been a constant disappointment, and that same week got fired from her job. Neither situation was black/white, but she immediately fabricated a mentality that allowed her to blame herself for all of it.

Since then she has had severe anxiety attacks, deep depressions, lost several more jobs, put on about ten pounds, and spends almost all her free time sleeping, smoking pot in her room, and watching movies. She's flat-broke most of the time, thanks to the job bouncing, and turns down invitations from almost everyone who offers. It's been 7 months of this.

This week I moved into a new place by myself, which resulted in days of crying jags from sis-- because of how much she will miss my cats. She called everyone we know to cry about losing them. I got a lot of embarrassing phone calls from concerned friends, wondering if she was okay.

I've tried to get her to seek treatment during a few substance-related nadirs, but no dice. She sees professional counseling as something she'll simply never be able to afford, and doesn't really listen to advice that says otherwise. She's on an antidepressant (Paxil, I think?) but I don't know how that interacts with alcohol and weed. I've been pretty supportive, so I don't think she has any idea how freaked out I am by her at this point.

I know it's impossible to diagnose her, but looking at descriptions of Borderline Personality Disorder, I am pretty astonished at the similarities. Looking at this list of symptoms, she is seriously afflicted with practically all of them:

* Manipulativeness
* Suicidal threats or gestures, and self-harming acts
* Impulsiveness, jumping into relationships quickly, and without knowing the other person
* Promiscuous sexual behavior
* Drug and alcohol abuse
* Eating disorders
* Unstable relationships
* Sensitivity to the reactions of others
* Tendency to idealize or devalue other people
* Fear of abandonment
* Shifting moods and emotional outbursts
* Engaging in reckless behavior
* Unstable self-image
* Strong dependency on others
* Paranoia and other delusional thinking

Almost everything I read about BPD reminds me of her. I think she's gotten so used to being miserable that she doesn't even remember what normal feels like; normally something changes by now and she gets moving in a new direction. I'm worried, and I don't know what to do to help her. I'm the only family member geographically close enough to see how serious this has gotten-- she's VERY good at only calling our parents when her outlook is temporarily brighter.

I've kept my suspicions about the seriousness of this to myself. But when I try to point things out to her, she just makes jokes or changes the subject. However, whenever disaster strikes (and it strikes several times a week) she calls me in tears wondering what to do. Now that I'm out of the house, I'd like to be a little more honest about how worried-- and often offended-- I am by her behavior.

I know that substance abuse programs say that a person has to fall far enough and land hard enough to decide to make changes on their own, and I'm prepared to allow her to do that. How do I deal with her in the interim? She's a lovely person who I adore, and who looks to me for support (despite never taking my advice). I've bailed her out so many times, financially and otherwise, but now I'm wary and fatigued. I'd like to know what I can or ought to do to help her take treatment options seriously and handle disasters in the interim.

Resources for those close to people with PTSD?

Anonymous — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:08:27 -0800

Good literature and resources for learning to help and support someone with PTSD? Someone I care about has been diagnosed with PTSD, a result of the abuse they endured in childhood. This person is receiving professional help, but as a close friend I'd like to learn about how to best offer them care, support and understanding during their therapy and healing. I'm not asking for direct advice about that here. Instead I'm hoping to be directed to useful resources for the inexperienced.

I'm not at all qualified in mental heath care or psychology. From what I've read so far, PTSD seems a complicated and difficult condition. I'd be very grateful for pointers and links to good articles, books, websites or other resources, so I can learn more. There's a lot on the web, but I feel poorly qualified to judge the value of much of it.

Resources oriented to those caring for people with PTSD would be especially appreciated, but anything enlightening from reputable sources will be very welcome. Thanks very much.

Mental health oriented right to die movements?

By The Grace of God — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:23:14 -0800

Are there any mental health oriented right to die movements?

Help me out of this downward spiral?

Anonymous — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 13:45:07 -0800

So I'm clinically depressed. And right now I likely can't take medication or see a therapist. If things get worked out with medical coverage I might be able to do one or both. But, I'd like to avoid medication if at all possible. What are the things I can do/take (vitamins?) to feel better until ? I'm off medication because we are trying to have another child. Our first is nearly 6. I have had 3 miscarriages and a huge number of problems in the last year (stepfather stroking a number of times, the last on Xmas day, surgery, a recent move away from a city and to a small town, deaths, pet deaths and more...2007 just sucked).
I'm also unemployed currently, which isn't a financial problem, I left work to be with our child, but she's 6 and unless I'm actively raising a wee child, there’s no need for me to be at home and I’m wasting a large education. I am trying to change my career from IT (15 years) to Education which requires study for the Teacher exams but I can't concentrate.

I've lost my drive, my passion, my ambition. I used to have big energy and a wide ranging interest and all I want to do now is sleep, read and sleep some more. I'm managing to pull it together around my daughter and to keep our house running, but I'm a void otherwise. I'm going through the motions and that is not me.

After we determine that I either cannot carry another child or after a successful pregnancy I'll be back on meds like a flash, but for now I can't. And until our therapy coverage is figured out I can't do that either.

I've stopped writing (I’ve had a blog since 1998); stopped participating in online discussions, stopped interacting much with anyone. When I do, I keep ending up in situations I am uncomfortable in (like a bar) then I drink too much and make an ass out of myself and of course hate myself even more. I need to see my friends though or I'll isolate further. Also I don't drink every day or every week, but go overboard when I'm in certain social situations or sometimes when blindsided by something horrible (not always but sometimes). It’s hard to give up drinking entirely because that is about the only time I feel some relief and ease.

Also--I have a congenital defect which makes exercise difficult (I only have about 70 lung capacity and my organs are not all located exactly where they should be, wheee). I know I need to though. But what? And how to get off your butt when everything is a huge effort?
I have had episodes of major depression in the past, all dealt with by some very competent doctors and I've survived more or less. I have a great daughter and husband and live in a good town with good friends. This exam is coming up and if I don't get my brain back I'm going to fail and hat myself more. Becoming a teacher is something I wanted when younger and was talked out of, now is my chance, the jobs all just opened up and if I can get my butt in gear and take these tests and get in the non traditional licensure program I will get to do what I wanted to do in my 20s. But I can’t think or remember or even learn right now. It's all a bad spiral. And I’m also around mid life crisis age too, give or take. Which means I’m running out of time to be pregnant too .

I'm usually more linear but it is hard to describe all this. So vitamins? Which ones? How much? Motivation? Exercise? What kind. I’d jump off the roof, but it would really piss off my cats and probably be worse for my family then even how I am right now. Throwaway email is soverysadnow@gmail.com

Mental health & petty theft

GoodJob! — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 12:39:45 -0800

What is the pathology of a person who steals small personal items such as shoes, underwear and sunglasses in order to remember or think of someone?

Help finding low cost therapy in the Philadelphia area

antisocialiting — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 23:08:47 -0800

Recommendations or help with finding low cost therapy in the Philadelphia area for anxiety and depression. Any particular schools, agencies or companies that you know of or have used would be great.

How to live with what I do.

Anonymous — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 21:36:06 -0800

I know They're dead, but am I now too? I work in forensic engineering with cars. My firm only gets cases if there is a fatality or huge disability, since we end up fighting huge automobile corporations.

I have no qualms with that. Lawyers can fight that out.

My question is this:
How do I deal with what happened? I get literally hundreds of pictures and videos a week, all of accident scenes. I have seen thousands of dead people. I have seen people die in unimaginable ways on video and in pictures. I see this every day. It's like Youtube but you know it's real, and everyone dies, and there's usually a fire in the end. Every day.

To this point I have been fairly ok with it. It happens. Just so happens we have pictures, and now video. Before, during and after. It makes my cases easier, but it weighs on me heavily.

There are certain things on the internet everyone sees, and can't unsee. The 9/11 Jumpers, the "Russian Soldier", all those Beheading videos.

How do I live a normal life when I see the worst of the end? Every single day.

I've been living like this for years. My real question is how do I continue to live with it.

Mental Health Break for early 40's male

45moore45 — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 17:34:37 -0800

Suggestions for a men's retreat or getaway that isn't touchy-feely? My brother sounds like he is having a nervous breakdown. He lives in North Carolina and I would like to suggest some sort of retreat or getaway to him for few days so he can have some time to himself to get out of self-destruct mode. I am looking for suggestions for a getaway or retreat for him that does not have religious overtones and isn't about exploring his inner man. More like 3 hots and a cot. Rustic is fine as long as it is driveable/flyable. He is married and a father of pre-teens and self-employed. The marriage is not a happy one so the trip is solo and I will be purchasing it for him. Actually, I am the one fixated on a trip as a way to buy some alone time, but if you have a suggestion that would give him some breathing room or something that sounds good for a person in this situation, please let me know. Therapy has been suggested. I need something more hands on for him. Thanks.