Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with guy

how do you get over your first "lover"

wholecornandsalt — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 03:07:47 -0800

He was my first everything, and I can't get over him even months later. I'm saying lover as in sex partner I guess, not love because I didn't love him. I didn't even know him that long, but we had the whole chemistry thing and felt really close and comfortable pretty quickly. He was my first and only kiss so far and first everything else, but he was understanding about that. I've never had a boyfriend, and he wasn't my boyfriend. He's eight years old than I am.

I know I did some things wrong that I will work on in future interactions e.g. insecurity, venting to people who aren't therapists and don't want to hear it, and generally being an annoying and boring person.. but I think he is culpable too. He started fading on me about a month after the last time he saw me in person. He blatantly ignored me several times. I am still bitter about it, and I keep thinking that in his mind, I will be one of his past flings who had some kind of fatal flaw that he compares to his future "One" as a reason to validate how awesome she is and how no other girl is like her, but it's less about that. I cried and got that out of my system months ago, but now it's just that I keep fantasizing about him and feeling like I will never find anyone else attractive but him. I keep thinking of scenarios I'd change, or I come up with new scenarios that are appealing. I miss the intimacy and way he made me feel, but I can't just get it from another source because my issue is mainly that I want it from only him. He isn't even that objectively attractive either, but I found him really hot for some reason. I know he can easily get more people than I can because he just has something about him. He probably has someone right now and forgot about me completely.

If anyone has any personal experiences, I'd be glad to hear them. Hearing that people eventually got over their obsessions with certain people, even if it has no bearing on my life, just lifts me up knowing others got through it eventually. Will I get over this eventually? I just want to wake up one day and not think of him. Can you actually apply some kind of behavioral therapy to these kinds of situations? I always hear of people not being able to get over that one person for years and years. They still fantasize about something that will never ever be again, even when with other people. I can't be that person. I feel like I'm constructing my life around his idea of me. Even if I won't be able to get his approval or reaction, it's like I'm saying, "I going to do this, learn that, travel here, and do all these things just to prove to him that I am not what he thinks I am. I'm going to become the perfect person that he would have wanted to associate with." And yeah I just feel like being over it. The idea of "dating" other people doesn't sound appealing, but I know I might have to try it to get over it. I just don't know what I have to offer people. I don't really flirt with people or do things that are conducive to meeting people in that way. The last people I met who were into me were at random places I guess, but I wasn't into most of them. I think I should try to sleep with lots of people to desensitize myself to it though and stop putting as much emphasis on the experience with him.

I really regret not hanging out with him

ohtimorousme — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 09:00:25 -0800

I really regret not going to the movies with him, is there anything i can really do? A guy friend of mine (he's 26 and i'm f/25) i've known since 1st grade asked me if i'd want to see the hobbit with him (this was around the middle of December), and i stupidly turned him down. But i never even really turned the guy i down i just never replied. I blame part of it on my lack of social skills, and being introverted. I sometimes tend to freeze up and just not know what to say at all so i don't say anything. I've gotten better at this, but it seems to have come back out again.

I felt really bad about this and really, really regretted it all this time so i emailed him. I told him i was kicking myself for not going with him and if he was in the area if he'd want to go see a movie with me next week or something. After sending this i realized he wasn't in the area anymore right now since he's in the military. I don't even know if my email gave him anything to reply to but, i haven't heard from him yet and i sent it Thursday night.

And i know it really is my own fault if i had just said yes i probably wouldn't be dealing with all this right now. I really messed up.

Is there really anything i can do other than just wait and see if he replies, or next time he is in town text him and ask if he wants to do something?

please help me be a nice guy and still get the girl

Baud — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 06:01:12 -0800

Can the hive mind confirm that men need a dark side to seduce women ? I’m a nice guy and I’ve not been lucky in love. Have I not been lucky in love because I’m a nice guy ? I’m male, early 40’s, never married, I’ve had some relationships, never moved in with anyone. Way too often for my taste, girls I meet "like" me or even like me but they do not love me.

I suspect my personal history is at least partly to blame : being a first-born, growing (a little bit too) close to my mother with a loving but shy and kindly lovingly dominated-by-my-mother father. I tend to believe that this way of growing up without a strong male role model made me someone who can and will listen to girls and even advising them on their relationships. I have more female friends than male friends. Whenever I need relationship advices I have a network of female friends who will lend me sympathetic ears.

My Myers-Briggs type is somewhere between INFP and ENFP. I have a mix of curiosity and empathy that makes me the kind of guy who will tirelessly listen to sobbing stories and offer advices.

One has never enough friendship but I think I have mastered the art of making female friends. Now, for once, I’d like to be able to seduce at least one woman.

I've been told (by a woman) that I need to show more of a "dark side" to seduce women. Where on earth do I find that dark side in me ? How can I even be sure that I have one ? Can the hive mind confirm that this dark side is absolutely necessary to master the art of seduction ?

If that « dark side » is indeed necessary where/how do I grow one ? I don’t want to betray the nice, empathic person I am. My sensitive side has given me so much in the past I don’t want to lose it.

I’ve seen some therapists at various stages in my life. Should you advise additional therapy could you say exactly, precisely what kind of therapy you have in mind ?

Already Seen Pollyanna

Fairchild — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 13:38:34 -0800

What novels or movies have a vivacious, charming person drop in and change everybody's perspective or shake the place up?

Help me get a used truck

digividal — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 14:45:39 -0800

I need to buy a used truck (I dont have the money for a new one). I have maybe around 7.5K to spend. Some people tell me that a gas engine with over 1K miles on is just asking for trouble, other people tell me they have over 2K on theres and its still running strong. I need to buy a used truck (pick up). I have 7.5K to spend. I know that is not a lot. I am looking at various online sites to find my new vehicle.

I have asked people I know for some advice and it ranges from:
1) Anything with over 1K miles on it is nothing but trouble to
2) Mine got over 2K on it and its still running strong.

I figure both are true, but I need some advice how to end up in category 2 instead of 1.

Obviously I will have it checked out by a mechanic, and test drive it before I buy, but when I test drive the only thing I will figure out is if it turns on and moves (I dont know anything about cars).

How can I stop talking to myself?

travertina — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 07:37:52 -0800

How can I stop talking to myself? I work in a cubicle as a web developer, and find myself constantly mumbling to myself as I work. I feel like I'm producing a stream of "A-ha", "Oh, that's why...", "F&*^ing compiler", "Oh for crissakes"-- when work goes well or poorly; cursing and clean. I *think* I'm speaking under my breath (I'm probably louder than I think) but I'm sure my immediate neighbors can hear me.

I'd like to quit doing this. Partially because it bothers me that I can't seem to control it, but mostly because I worry that my shy coworkers are becoming wary of me-- I do rip a few salty phrases a day, it seems.

Has anyone successfully stopped themselves from doing this? Am I overthinking the impact of being "that guy" at work?

I ain't got time for little piggies.

Admiral Haddock — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 12:44:45 -0800

Picture it: Brock "The Python" McMacho, three-time MMA middle-weight champion, retired Navy SEAL and two-time recipient of the Purple Heart, blearily stumbles to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He stubs his toe. Does it hurt? Does it hurt as much as it would hurt me, a big softie? I'm no tough guy. When I stub my toe, or get a paper cut, or burn myself on a hot piece of toast, I whimper like a puppy made of kittens.

I expect that a Navy SEAL or other macho (or "feminacho") type person is trained to work through the pains they encounter. But does that mean a super-tough tough guy doesn't want to just die then and there when he stubs his pinky toe into the dresser at 3:27 in the morning?

Does it hurt? Does it not hurt? Does it hurt, but they just don't react?

I've often wondered, but I know no tough guys/gals I can ask. I'm surrounded by nerds. Nerds, I say, nerds everywhere!

how to get close to a shy guy

bearette — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 01:04:10 -0800

Tips for getting to know an introverted, smart guy better? I know there are lots of smart, introverted guys with backgrounds in science fields on this site. And I find myself getting to know, possibly in a dating scenario (but not yet sure) a guy who fits into this general category. So I am looking for suggestions on how to approach this/him.

I'm trying not to over-think this, and want to go with the flow as much as possible, but any general tips and suggestions would be great.

Specifics/Situation:

I'm an American female, early 30's, working in China. One of the part-time assistants in the office where I work is in his mid-20's and a graduate student (physics, if it matters). I usually make friends readily with those younger than myself and have become friendly with most of the assistants. The guy in question, we'll call him Q, is quite introverted, though friendly when talking to him one-on-one.

In the past he hadn't talked much to me, but one day a few months ago he asked me what I usually do on weekends. After that I started to invite him to some activities I would do with others. Then I found out he liked a Chinese girl his age, so I dialed down my expectations; however, she was not interested.

Later on I started noticing he would sort of follow me around a little bit during some activities, so I started to wonder if he had a crush. A little while later he asked me if I'd like to go to a play (which he had already seen but said he wanted to see again), but he framed it "you guys", implicitly inviting me and others I hung out with regularly. I later invited him to a group dinner after which the two of us talked a bit one-on-one.

He had mentioned before that it would be good to practice English reading with me, so over IM I asked him if he'd want to meet to help each other out with language (me Chinese, him English). He immediately agreed and suggested we meet that same day; we met and had a nice conversation for a couple of hours.

Two days later he was at the office again; he presented me with the book I had mentioned wanting to read,which he bought for me. But he was not talkative when I tried to engage in conversation (well, he was for a bit, but went back to doing something on his computer, maybe stuff for class. He is quite involved in his studies and lab work). I saw him again today and he was more talkative and discussed our plans to see a movie this weekend (with others).

Sorry for the long-windedness. I've never been interested in a guy this shy before, because I am quite shy myself. Plus, I am a few years older than him, and American. This gives me the sense that even if he were interested (I can't be positive of that either) he probably wouldn't make a direct move. (Chinese guys tend to be a little intimidated by Western women, for some background; also, I don't know what he feels about my age).

We will probably meet again one-on-one soon, for another "language exchange". I'm not looking to directly state to him that I like him, but...I would like to "move things along", maybe by getting physically closer.

Does anyone, particularly guys of this type of girls who have dated this type of guy, have a suggestion? Things we can do? Scenarios? Ways I can show interest without being too intimidating?

I want to keep this light but at the same time am interested in some fun suggestions.

As for what I am looking for: just to get to know this guy better, and to maybe to start with a causal romance that could maybe become serious.

Thanks a lot!

PS_ we will not be working together for much longer.

Girlfriend has a lot of close guy friends, should I be worried?

johnx — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 21:32:22 -0800

So my girlfriend has a few very close guy friends she often hangs around with. I guess shes had mix ups with girls and shes also interested in a lot of traditionally male things. Shes very pretty though, which may help her attract guy friends. Either way these relationships bother me a lot. We don't live together, but she hangs out with them when I'm not there, just her and a few guys. She is very close with three of them, they know a lot about her. One guy in particular she says they are like the same person, but she claims that she wouldn't date him. He bothers me the most, but two of them are apparently big womanizers and players, which I am not and this also scares me. I don't know how to feel about this all but it urks me quite a bit.

I know if I bring this up or try and tell her to hang around them less she will get angry with me.

how to tell if a shy guy likes you?

happyjuice — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:18:40 -0800

how can you tell if a sort of shy guy is into you? i'm pretty shy myself, so it's a bit of a conundrum.

so... there's this guy in my class at university who i definitely have a crush on. we never really talked in class or anything, but after the last couple of classes, he's caught up with me on the way out of school. one time he asked me a question about my dress and said that he liked it, and we ended up talking a little bit about music. then the next class, he asked me about my spring break plans and whether i was going to see any music in town, and we talked about that a little. he asked if i was coming to this little meeting for our class after school, and i decided (more upon him asking about it than anything) that i'd go.

after our class meeting thing, another girl suggested that a group of us go out for drinks. i hesitated a bit, and he said he had some homework to do, but after i said something to the girl about going for a drink, he decided to come along. (i don't know if this was related to me going or not, but it sort of seemed like it, maybe... there were about five of us.)

he ordered two drinks at the bar (we just sort of ended up standing next to each other, so i wouldn't assume this was planned), and when i got out some money to pay, he said, "you can owe me one..." (i bought him a reciprocal drink later.) chilled with the group a while, and ended up talking amongst ourselves for a bit, but i couldn't really tell whether he was into me or not.

ended up that when everyone decided to leave, our cars were in the same direction (he asked me where i was parked), and he walked me back to my parking garage. he gave me a hug and told me he hoped i had a nice spring break and that maybe we'd see each other at the festival later or something... but didn't ask for my number or anything.

sorry this post is so awkward and little-kid-like! hah. i'd just like your thoughts! :)

...just being friendly?

correct usage of pronouns for women

aloiv2 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:19:49 -0800

Guy, boy, gal, girl. What's offensively diminutive, what's acceptable? I am a guy.
When talking about other men, I generally use the term "guy", such as: "that guy over there", or "that group of guys".

When referring to people of the feminine persuasion, I can never decide what word to use.

I usually default to "girl(s)", but I realize that can be diminutive and sexist.

"Gal(s)" feels sort of out-moded, like I'm trying to be a character in a western.

"Woman/Women" feels sort of clunky and doesn't seem to represent people of my generation who seem to be resistant to growing up.

"Lady/Ladies" is one that I sometimes use, but it feels sort of hipstery and somewhat out-moded (though FWIW I have found that a lot of my female friends have taken to referring to their womanly parts as "lady-bits"...but maybe that's just something with my social circle).

Previously, though along a different line.

Also, in reference to that last article, I live in the Northeast USA, but have traveled/lived around the USA and Canada.

Massage Questions (sorry no snarky title)

Napierzaza — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:42:10 -0800

First time massage. It's a legit massage. I'm a guy, I wonder if I should get a guy or a girl to do it? Not sure which would be more awkward really. What is the norm for this sort of thing? Also, what are the norms of tipping? I can barely tip functionally at restaurants without getting anxious. I don't even know where to begin with what to tip for a massage.

How do I grow long hair, as a guy?

Scrimshaw — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 07:02:26 -0800

I'm a guy, and I'm growing my hair long - what do I need to know? I've never really been to concerned with what my hair does - I'd get it cut when it started to get in my eyes and never really gave it any other thought. All of a sudden, I've decided to try growing my hair long - not necessarily because I think it'll suit me, but because it's one of those things I'd really like to try at least once.

The problem is, I know absolutely nothing about hair, short or long. I've done some research on growing hair long via the internet, but some of what I've read seems to be conflicting (which products to use, if/when you should trim and how, etc...). Coupled with my lack of general knowledge about hair, I'm a bit confused. I'm not certain how best to describe my hair - but by my uneducated observation I'd say it's mostly straight with a slight curl at the ends (so far), and fairly thick (also, brown). My face structure is quite thin and I think a bit long.

So, what should I know as I embark on my long-haired quest? What basics might I have missed?

Am I being taken advantage of, or does my S.O really love and deserve me?

amacph10 — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 15:48:28 -0800

Am I in a good relationship, or is it time to move on? When do you let someone go, even though you love them? My S.O has chronic pain and I have helped him through alot, are things about to get better for us, or would you say this is a dead-end relationship that could go on like this forever? My background: I am a 23 year old female living with my 32 year old S.O. We have been together for 2 years and living together for a year and a half. I had only one serious boyfriend before him who treated me horribly; lied and cheated all the time. Then I was single for 2 years, until I met my current partner.
My traits: happy go lucky, Christian, helpful, friendly, quiet, sensitive, not into drugs.

My S.O background: He has been in one relationship after another, and was even once engaged. He suffered a back injury when he was 25 and has been in chronic pain since then, with multiple surgeries. He liked to party his pain away and had a lifetime prescription of morphine from his Doctor.
His traits: easy going, friendly, has lots of friends, helpful towards anybody who asks for anything. He has a good attitude towards getting his life back on track, but it’s hard for him to understand how life is so unfair, that he is in chronic pain for the rest of his life.

Relationship background: We met through friends and turned a hook up into a relationship. I had a falling out with my roommates at the time and moved in with my S.O after a few months. I wasn‘t aware that he was addicted to pills, but after a while I noticed that. He had not been able to work for almost 7 years, was constantly in pain and popping morphine and laying on the couch. No excitement for life.

I took the role of the caretaker- took care of his dogs, cleaned his house, stocked the fridge, stayed home and comforted him, made him realize life was worth living. Eventually I got him off the morphine altogether. We found him a new doctor who prescribed him a marijuana license for his back pain.
He has now gone to school for a year and has his first job, and we are both really happy for this accomplishment. Finally he has his own income and is in charge of his own future.

However, during the first year of our relationship, I settled for less then I deserved. I thought it was a sacrifice I needed to make until he got himself together.

His first girlfriend (from his age of 22-25) and him had a bad break up, but eventually came to be friends again. This girl is a 28 year old sociopath and drug addict now. She liked to mess with our relationship as if it were a game to her. My S.O was always nice to her because he felt responsible for what she had turned into. It was after their break up she turned to drugs. She did lots of horrible things to screw with us. Any excuse she could have to talk or see him, she would use it. She would cry because she hated her life and wanted to see the dogs, she would beg him to drive her around because she never had a licence, she would manipulate him into thinking she liked me, and talk bad about me all around town. She would call him crying in the middle of the night because she was scared and had no one to check around her house for her, so he would go check (for intruders.) She would show up at our house sobbing and we felt bad so we fed her dinner and let her stay the night. She would convince him to spend his Christmas Eve driving her around shopping because she was on a bender and hadn’t shopped yet. The worst part was throughout this whole time she would make rude remarks about him and I, or just him, or just me, in public, on face book, to my friends, to my coworkers, and behind our backs.

Eventually I gave him an ultimatum: Her or me. He chose me, and she moved out of town.
The thing that bothered me- he never gave her an explanation. As far as she knew I had made him do it, and she told everyone she knew he didn’t want to cut off communication, or that I had done it without him knowing. He said he didn’t owe her an explanation, and it would be more fuel to the fire, which would be true… I could see her wanting to play her game even more then.

That was about 6 months ago. Last month, her Grandma died, whom he knew personally, so I gave him permission to call his ex girlfriend with his condolences. Later that week I let him know I needed a few days to think about things, I wasn’t happy anymore. I was out of town when he called, and she happened to be in town for the funeral. She showed up at his house while he and his friends were there, and stayed 10 minutes, but they continued to text for 3 days, and they met up at a friends BBQ one more time before she left. When I returned, I asked him if he had seen her, he said no. I asked him if he had talked to her lots, he said no. I didn’t believe him, and looked through his phone and sure enough I was right. He said he hid it from me because he knew how I would react, and he thought I had broken up with him anyways, and it wasn’t his fault she showed up at our house. I was furious. Since then he has once again cut off communication.

Our relationship has had other problems besides the ex girlfriend and the morphine. As he got off the pills, he began being more active. I felt he only wanted to leave the house to go fishing or hunting with his friends, never to do something with me. He says it’s because he only has a couple years of doing these activities before his back gives out again and he needs more surgery and up to a year of bed rest.

He smokes a lot of marijuana for his pain now, and would rather be sitting on the couch watching TV with me at the end of a long work day because his back is sore. I would like to be outside, walking the dogs, going on dates, etc.

All his past relationships have been dysfunctional. His fiancée stole money from him, his other girlfriend and him cheated on him.
He says he wants to settle down with me, and that I am his angel, who pulled him out of the dark time of his life and he will be thankful forever. He will go to counselling with me to make me happy, and he says he would do anything for me.

Now that he has turned into a more positive person, after all this time and energy my feelings have changed.
I still love him deeply, and I am so happy for him and believe he has great things to come, but I don’t feel lust, I don’t want to sleep with him anymore, I resent any time I walk the dogs alone, grocery shop, do housework, or his friends come over. I feel taken advantage of after all this time. I never get taken on dates, flowers, or anything like that. He says he is too broke.
But- he has been on a low set income for the last 6 years. That could effect him. Once he in charge of his own pay checks he says he will start doing more things with me.

A few months ago, I started talking to another guy. He is my age, has a full time camp job and fishing job. He is very responsible, he doesn’t do drugs, and everyone says he is the nicest guy I would ever meet. He always has a smile on his face. He wants to take me rollerblading, camping, to the fair, etc. He tells me I am beautiful, nice, smart, funny, one of a kind, etc. I have thought about leaving my S.O to be with this person.

I am so confused. I wonder if I stopped talking to this other guy, would my feelings come back for my S.O? Would those feelings come back? Should I cut off contact with this person and once again devote myself to my relationship? Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. Perhaps my S.O will pull through and finally make me happy now that all these circumstances have changed, and maybe I should give it more time. But it seems that's all I've been doing for 2 years now.
Or, have I met a happy, nice person who deserves me and would give what he takes and appreciate me?
Please give me some advice, I don’t even know if I can trust my gut anymore… No idea what to do :(... An outside, un-biased opinion or advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thankyou so much.

Is it normal to be a female and not have many (okay, any) close guy friends?

sunnychef88 — Fri, 06 May 2011 08:57:32 -0800

Is it normal to be a female and not have many (okay, any) close guy friends? Should I actively pursue friendships with guys? I mean close guy friends. The type of guy friend you call up to "hang out" and watch a movie, or whatever else it is that girls with guy friends do with them.

I didn't grow up with brothers. My older sister and mother are the two most important people in my life, and they don't seem to worry about guy friends either (referring more to my sister, obviously). I'd describe my sister and myself as independently-minded, feminine ("girly"?) ladies who are generally well-liked because we're good conversationalists and nice to people. I'm tall, attractive (men hit on me a fair bit), educated, well groomed, interested in other people and the world, articulate, and smile/laugh easily - approachable, no? I have 3 or 4 very close female friends, with whom I share my hopes/fears/feelings and all that great stuff involved with close friendships. My female friends are exceptional. They are all very secure with themselves, smart, and supportive. I repel dramatic and insecure women naturally, I guess.

It's not the case with guys at all. Sure, I've met guys with whom I've interacted in the context of various student groups and clubs. We are always on friendly terms, and have good conversations and banter in person. One of them texted me to hang out a few times, but then I figured out he had feelings for me and I put an end to that, so as not to have to let him down later.

I tried to ask a couple of guys to lunch, and they didn't seem keen on it. Honestly though, I am also confused about why you would be friends with a guy in the first place. The couple friendships that have started to grow have turned into crushes from my end (whereas in the beginning, there were no romantic feelings). Reflecting on that, I've never made an effort to be around some guy I see having zero dating potential.

Should I try to ask guys to "hang out" more? Why aren't they asking me to do buddy-buddy type stuff?

This issue is confusing for me, and as an reflective, introspective person who loves exploring human nature, it's a bit of a puzzle. Care to shed some light on the guy-girl friendship scenario?

Peludo Potter

bradly — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 11:19:10 -0800

I'm a hairy guy and want to de-hair my stomach and back. How can I do this without stubble, while leaving a small amount of chest hair? Additional info:

I'm a student, so the cheaper the better.
My skin is fairly sensitive, but not horrible.
I've done shaving and electric grooming (bodygroom) and don't like the regrowth and daily upkeep.

I want to keep some chest hair (upper chest and possibly a line down the middle of my chest/stomach).

Final caveat: I'm going to be out of the country for 2-3 months over the summer, and would prefer low daily maintenance.

What should I do?

Thanks in advance!

How can I learn to like dancing?

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 15:38:03 -0800

I'm a guy. I'm 31. I live in San Francisco. I've never really liked dancing in any sense of the word--how can I change this? I've never been one for syllabus-free dance, largely because I really disliked the idea of not knowing what I should do next--I abhorred working without a net, if you will. I've come to be able to do it, as people at events that included syllabus-free dancing said I was feeling it. This is ok, but the whole thing feels like a chore. To be honest, I was just doing it to see if I could attract anyone, and all that happened was that I first created a zone around me where people didn't approach (perhaps I was being too vigorous--I asked for feedback on this but didn't get any, although I'm happy to attribute that to reticence--or maybe I'm just repellent), and then that, well, nothing happened with anyone I approached.

I bathe, brush, and use deodorant, and my hair is very short and neat. These are not the problem.

My problem (or one of my problems), I think, is that I don't really like to dance. I did some ballroom dancing in college, but I didn't like it for what it was--I just liked it because it put me in contact with various cute people. (None of whom went to bed with me, by the way, which was why I stopped.)

So: How can I learn to like dancing? How can I like it for what it is, and not see it as a means to get with one of my dance partners? How can I learn how to get with my dance partners, and make this happen as soon as possible? How can I be less of the complete jerk I describe above?

Throwaway email: wannawannadance@gmail.com.

Yet another music recommend thread

nathancaswell — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 00:08:04 -0800

Help me find more country songs with minimal production. I like country songs that have very little production. The more production, the less I like it. So you can probably guess the major players... Townes Van Zandt, Guy Clark. Outlaw country. I always liked Cash. I always liked Elvis. I like acoustic Dylan, but electric not so much. I can deal with a tinge of rockabilly and I can deal with a tinge of bluegrass but I can't get down with really folksy happy go lucky stuff. It needs to have a little bit of an edge. I already worked my way through everyone in Heartworn Highways. I have pretty much everything Steve Earle ever recorded and the overly produced stuff just kills me. Recent stuff like "Tennessee Blues" I'm into. "Mercenary Song" is one of the best tracks ever. "Elijah's church". I like some Hoyt Axton. I like lap steel. I like violin. Much more than that and I sort of lose interest. Drums don't really do it for me but I could get over it I guess. Drunk people with the weight of the world sitting around the fire drinking whiskey and playing the guitar. I'm not so into new music in this genre though if it's really, really good it can win me over. "Wagon Wheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show I like but the rest of their stuff I don't dig. Some Gillian Welch songs are great. Some Loretta Lynn. I know Lucinda Williams was kicking around but everything I've tried was too produced. It can be women. Roscoe Holcomb. Certain Link Wray songs (Polydor years) I lose my shit over. "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" was my favorite song for a long time. Country blues are good but I want to exhaust Country before I move to Delta Blues. I don't mind some stuff that's a little high concept. For the past year I've basically listened to Terry Allen exclusively. Juarez stands head and shoulders above the rest. No production. In my ideal world you'd turn me on to another Juarez, but I don't think that's gonna happen. Henry Flyntt is cool. I need lyrics though. I like stories.

So what else will I like? Maybe recommend specific songs to kick me off... if someone had recommended me the Steve Earle that sounds like The Boss I probably would have dismissed him. But I like Nebraska. You see what I mean... what do you have?

Erecting a small guyed radio tower?

thewalrus — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 07:06:26 -0800

I'm looking for online reference sites with guides for the erection of a small guyed radio tower. This is the type that might be used by a highly enthusiastic Ham radio operator in North America. Before anyone asks, I'm in a sketchy third world location and probably the closest thing (education-wise) to a P.Eng that is available here. We're not able to contract this out or to hire a "engineer" to build it. I've done self supported tower installation before, including the concrete foundation work. I'm looking for some reliable references on measuring guy wire tension, the distance of guy wire anchors relative to the height of the tower, etc.

Did Family Guy Start the "cutaway to gag" trend?

esereth — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 18:58:09 -0800

What's the earliest tv show you can remember that used Family Guy - style cut-away/flashbacks? Most of my favorite comedy shows do that now. Arrested Development, 30 Rock, Archer, and The Office a little. "This reminds me of a similar incident..." (cut to sight gag).

But Golden Girls didn't do it, and Cosby Show, and Seinfeld. Whats the earliest show you remember doing this?

I'll be somehow sad if it turns out Family Guy started this.

Do Germans laugh at this sort of thing?

ethnomethodologist — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 15:15:11 -0800

How are ethnic jokes and the like on Family Guy (et al) translated for the joked-about audience? I was watching Family Guy the other day, a show that has lots of international translations, and was wondering how tv shows that make, or make light of, ethnic humour/stereotypes/accents when the butt of the joke is the group that the show is translated for. For example, what do they do with the Toshii character from American Dad in Japan? What about the "Road to Germany" episode of Family Guy, in Germany? What does Klaus (from American Dad) sound like, in Germany? What do they do with the Mexican jokes on Family Guy's Spanish version (we don't have Spanish SAP in Canada so I have to ask)?

I don't need these concrete questions answered (though I'd welcome them) but would love anecdotes around this topic. Thanks!

What is this car?!

stackhaus23 — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 02:41:30 -0800

What car is featured in the music video for The Offspring's Pretty Fly For a White Guy? I can't tell what the car that is featured in The Offspring's Pretty Fly For A White Guy. It looks like an Impala, but I can't be sure... and if so I definitely don't know the year. Can you help?

You can see it here on Daily Motion

How can a guy dress more sexy?

oxit — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:19:46 -0800

How can a guy dress more sexy? Being a guy I have a good understanding how women can dress more sexy, but for myself I have little clue. How do I dress more sexy for the opposite gender?

I have a decent wardrobe of things that I bought specifically for their looks and I do actively combine them so that they fit together and I supposedly look good. Still I wouldn't say it or I ever look sexy or hot.

If this is a stupid question, because (1) I already do look sexy, or (2) I have to behave sexy instead or (3) ... feel free to let me know, also.

[Background: Central Europe, 30-ish, average sporty, fashionable, and outgoing, healthy BMI]

Gifts of an "Adult" Nature

Diagonalize — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 14:40:26 -0800

What kind of stuff does a 20-something "grown-up" not know he needs/wants? No surprise, my boyfriend's birthday is coming up. He's turning 27, and his parents have been needling him to add things to his wishlist. Gifts are a big deal in his family, and the Amazon wishlist has been a crucial part of that for years. In the past, his list was populated almost exclusively by video games and the occasional movie, but lately, he's been trying to move towards a more grown-up selection. Well, that's super, but when he sits down to try to add "grown-up" stuff to his wishlist, he gets this panicked, "deer in the headlights" expression. I know there are plenty of things he likes/wants, but he has no idea where to start.

Him: scruffy, quiet, socially-capable, 27-ish, physicist

Likes: adventure/RPG video games, reading political and science blogs, puzzles (a la MIT Mystery Hunt), food (eating, not cooking), and Philip Seymour Hoffman films

Dislikes: mushrooms, Will Ferrell movies

Mostly clueless about: fashion, cars, power tools, professional sports, fine wine/booze, and any music other than classical or showtunes

Clearly, he's not a guy's guy, and I've had little luck finding a "manly, but not too manly" guide that wasn't just all gadgets. We'd love to point his family in the right direction, but with the lone exception of an iPhone, his wishlist looks about the same as when he was 14 (video games and Star Trek). He doesn't want to be viewed as the eternal teenager, so what do you want/need when you're "all growed up"?

What martial arts movie is this?

stlboi — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:23:16 -0800

What martial arts movie is this? White good guy vs. bigger fatter black bad guy in the end? I remember watching this movie on HBO in the 90s when I was around 12 or so. It's about a white guy being trained by a fat black guy who also turns out being the main bad guy at the end with a unique fighting style and so they both end up fighting each other in the end. That was a huge twist, and didn't see it coming because the movie made it seem that they were really turning out to be real good friends.

Any ideas?