166 posts tagged with guilt.
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How can I feel grateful for things I don't feel I deserve?

Keeping a gratitude journal is supposed to make you feel happier, but instead it frequently fills me with guilt and shame because it reminds me that my life is full of good things I've done nothing to deserve. How can I allow myself to be happy about the good things in my life? [more inside]
posted by cortisol on Nov 19, 2015 - 31 answers

Christmas, family, argh

Trying to plan out the logistics of where to spend Christmas. Appear to be upsetting everyone due to continuing crises and painful memories on both sides of the family. What should I do for the best? [more inside]
posted by Catseye on Nov 9, 2015 - 43 answers

Funny boys, but I shouldn't be laughing.

The boys I support are constantly joking around and sometimes I find the jokes funny. How can I maintain a straight face? [more inside]
posted by akita on Nov 4, 2015 - 12 answers

Jade plant carnage - guilt, soil and repotting

So our big office jade plant - given to ME by a green-thumbed former co-worker and the wonder of the floor - fell over in the night and broke into a million pieces. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by Frowner on Sep 17, 2015 - 10 answers

Self-acceptance after breakup with asexual, aromantic girlfriend

My girlfriend and I broke up because while I felt unloved and unwanted, she felt I was putting too much pressure on her and setting unreasonable expectations on the relationship. After the breakup, she told me she now identifies as ace + aro, neither of which I am. I feel guilty I didn't know much about this topic while we were together, and the more I read about it the more I get depressed and dwell on mistakes I made unknowingly. How can I respect myself after this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 11, 2015 - 25 answers

How should I deal with possibly manipulative catastrophizing?

How do I respond to "I just have to accept [exaggerated outcome that neither of us want]"? [more inside]
posted by scatter gather on Jun 30, 2015 - 32 answers

First time woes...

Short version: I had sex for the first time with someone I thought I really liked, but it didn't quite go the way I expected it to and now I'm completely panicking about it. Long version inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 21, 2015 - 12 answers

How can I forgive myself for wasting so much time?

I basically spent the past nine years of my life skimming forum posts and otherwise wasting my time on the Internet. How can I get past this and stop hating myself? [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Jan 3, 2015 - 31 answers

How to deal with not dealing with things well

I have had a long, difficult year, and I'm starting to crack. All year, I was dealing with things pretty well and now I'm not, and I can't stop beating myself up over losing my grip. [more inside]
posted by whodatninja on Dec 22, 2014 - 18 answers

You Never Cleaned Your Room And That's Why Mom and Dad Got a Divorce

I think my mom blames me for the collapse of her marriage, I'm not quite sure how to process that. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 10, 2014 - 54 answers

How to say no even though I can say yes?

I have a troubled half brother who has recently come into my life. He was just released from prison, there on possession charges. He lives across the country, is jobless, homeless, and without family (aside from my mother and me). Yesterday he asked if I could wire him money. Just enough to buy some food. I can easily do this, so without thinking, I said I would. [more inside]
posted by hippychick on Nov 23, 2014 - 56 answers

I want to quit my PhD but I am faced with an ethical dilemma.

I have just started the second year of my PhD in History (fully funded), and I want to quit because I don't enjoy it and it is making me miserable. However, my supervisor feels I am responsible for finishing the project, or at the very least I should stay for another year and publish two more articles. I don't think I have any legal obligations to stay / generate any more output, but do I have a moral obligation? [more inside]
posted by Vulpix91 on Nov 14, 2014 - 37 answers

Help me sort my routine out please

I'm struggling with my routine as I am new to work life, details inside. [more inside]
posted by aivilo91 on May 18, 2014 - 5 answers

Help me manage my guilt over leaving my sick dog. Seriously, help me!

I haven't been out of town since my dog was diagnosed with cancer in January, 2013. I didn't think he'd still be alive at this point, and while I am immensely grateful that he is, I have to attend my sister's college graduation and I'm leaving him for a week. I feel like an awful person. Help me, please. [more inside]
posted by ablazingsaddle on May 8, 2014 - 10 answers

How much did I contribute to my mom staying in her abusive marriage?

My dad is verbally abusive. My mother told me many times as a child that she want to divorce him but is staying for the kids. She said that when I grew up, she would leave my dad and come live with me forever. When I became an adult, I decided I don't want my mom living with me for the rest of my life. She is still with my dad, being verbally abused. Did I cause her to stay in her abusive marriage because I changed my mind? [more inside]
posted by cheesecake on May 7, 2014 - 60 answers

Question for people with OCD

I was never diagnosed but it is pretty clear that I have OCD. I understand that irrational guilt, doubt, and anxiety are classic issues associated with OCD. Are there any tricks or ways that anyone can say has helped them to step back and evaluate circumstances somewhat objectively to decide if guilt and anxiety towards something is appropriate or irrational? I have found that explaining a set of circumstances to people whose opinion I trust and them telling me that my concern is irrational has only helped a little. Thank You. P.S. I have already set up a first meeting with a psychologist so that base is covered.
posted by anonymous on Mar 15, 2014 - 12 answers

Mismatched sex drives, complicated by obligations, guilt and energy

My wife and I have been together for more than 7 years, and we've always had a caring, affectionate, low-sex relationship. We have sex once every month or two, and we enjoy ourselves, but it's generally pretty quick, then doesn't happen again for another month or longer. My sex drive is decently high, but hers seems very low. We've talked fairly openly about this mis-match, but there seem to be a long list of issues. This is where I'd like input, insight, or ideas. [more inside]
posted by plato beans on Feb 26, 2014 - 21 answers

Screwed up at work. Now what?

I learned last night that a temporary employee did only part of a job I needed him to do, making it basically useless. Now what? [more inside]
posted by kat518 on Feb 4, 2014 - 20 answers

Our cat is getting extremely hostile to us. What next?

Our cat is acting more and more irrational. I think we will have to have him put down. Any thoughts welcome. [more inside]
posted by kestralwing on Jan 29, 2014 - 36 answers

"Not everyone can be an orphan."

I live in another country separate from every member of my small family. After seven years of difficulties, I've had to cut contact due to proselytizing, trauma, and untreated mental illness. What steps can I take to come to terms with this decision? [more inside]
posted by Vrai on Jan 27, 2014 - 13 answers

Trying to live happily ever after, after an affair. But with a twist.

I love my boyfriend dearly and we have had a very strong exclusive relationship for over a year now. However, we started as an affair while he was married. I am still struggling with the guilt I have over this. Are there any resources out there for helping people deal with the aftermath of the affair when the couple is now the husband and the mistress and not the husband and wife? [more inside]
posted by Argyle Sock Puppet on Jan 9, 2014 - 45 answers

Task management for the overwhelmed

Are you easily distracted and overwhelmed? What task management techniques/systems have you found successful? [more inside]
posted by overeducated_alligator on Dec 30, 2013 - 17 answers

Dealing with social anxiety about "new" family arrangements

My mother recently divorced my step-dad of 11 years and started dating a new guy about 6 months ago. Having a stranger in my family is causing my social anxiety to manifest when I go to visit on holidays and other times, and I don't know what is the best way to talk to my mom about this, and to what extent I should feel OK removing myself from these situations. I'm 26 years old but I have the feeling that the way I am acting is perceived as highly inappropriate and rude for an adult. She has been very understanding of my anxiety in the past but is now that it is related to her boyfriend, she's taking it personally and I'm not sure what to do. [more inside]
posted by supernaturelle on Dec 24, 2013 - 26 answers

How can I forgive myself for something I did as a teenager?

When I was 15, I was extremely cruel to a friend and sabotaged our very special relationship. I was crazy and didn't really understand what I had done until college. When I finally "got it" too late, I wrote him a letter to apologize, but he never responded. 10 years later, suddenly the guilt is flooding back again big-time... [more inside]
posted by MetaFilter World Peace on Dec 17, 2013 - 49 answers

How to be content again and pick myself up once more

During my studies I've dragged myself into some sort of downward spiral: falling behind multiple times but still managing to pick myself up, only to find myself struggling even more. I've now arrived at a point where I feel completely broken and depressed. I need to find a way to start off again without feeling overwhelmed by everything else that still needs to, or can be done. I seems the only way to regain control is if I could be as carefree as I was as a freshman. [more inside]
posted by csdfa on Dec 10, 2013 - 5 answers

How to get past overwhelming feelings of guilt and anxiety?

As long as I can remember, I have experienced extreme guilt, embarrassment, and anxiety about simply relaxing and living life for myself. I have an anxiety disorder, so these feelings are to be expected somewhat, but they’re incredibly uncomfortable and affect my daily life. Snowstorm inside. [more inside]
posted by sarahgrace on Dec 8, 2013 - 21 answers

Supporting friend with PTSD and dealing with my own anger

How do I support my friend, who was diagnosed with PTSD for severe sexual abuse? How do I deal with my own anger towards the perpetrators and guilt for not having done more? [more inside]
posted by fantoche on Nov 27, 2013 - 14 answers

songs: i'm sorry

Looking for songs that reflect the following sentiment: I'm sorry I hurt you, you were right to end things, I hope we can build a better friendship but I don't expect anything, thank you for trying anyway. [more inside]
posted by divabat on Nov 13, 2013 - 22 answers

Why can't I stop thinking/dreaming about my first love?

I'm a 29 y.o female, engaged to a wonderful man who I've been with for almost 3 years. Our relationship has the normal stresses and strains, but I feel like I am authentically 'me' when I am with him, which is what was missing from my prior relationship. Except I still think about that relationship a lot. Especially in my sleep. I'm looking for help on how to reconcile my brain to the fact I'm no longer with someone who I was with for so long. [more inside]
posted by Dorothea_in_Rome on Oct 22, 2013 - 24 answers

ex tried to kill himself and now wants to see me: what to do?

My ex attempted to committ suicide three months ago; I've come to know about this just today as I've been made aware of the fact he asked about me to a friend of his. I'm torn between not going and keeping him and our relationship in the past to protect myself or going and risking having him think that means we can become close again. [more inside]
posted by opalshards on Sep 26, 2013 - 24 answers

Shouldn't have snooped, feeling anxious

My SO left her Facebook and email accounts open, I snooped, and I didn't find anything suspicious. Now I'm feeling extremely guilty and paranoid that she will find out. Advice? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 25, 2013 - 36 answers

Still having problems -- "greatness", self-comparison, etc.

I initially felt better after last week’s question, but everything came back... I think the answers last week (which were very helpful, by the way) helped me resolve specific career questions, but not the underlying emotional issues. I’ll try to explain it better this time. [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Aug 17, 2013 - 22 answers

What do I do about all this guilt about my mother?

My mother (depressed, long divorced, estranged from much of her family) feels that I am not there enough for her. Since I started a serious relationship three years ago, the situation has deteriorated greatly. I feel that she depends on me far too much -- and the rest of my life is suffering -- but I'm too consumed by guilt to figure out concrete ways in which to handle this. I would appreciate suggestions for both short- and long-term strategies for building a healthier relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 12, 2013 - 23 answers

Slaveowners in the Attic

My girlfriend recently found out that one of the branches of her family owned slaves pre-Civil War era in North Carolina. This has really devastated her at some level, especially because she was previously so proud of her near generation family (1 or 2 back). Even worse, it's her last name so she feels that she's been tainted by this revelation. While I was trying to make her feel better, it occurred to me that I didn't quite know how one deals with the fact that your family history is entwined with an evil like slavery, and the fact that it was legal at the time doesn't really assuage her guilt from her ancestors' actions. [more inside]
posted by Lord Chancellor on Aug 8, 2013 - 45 answers

How does one go about getting welfare?

I'm clueless as to how one goes about getting welfare. What can I expect? Is it easy to get? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 2, 2013 - 4 answers

How to extricate myself from an online correspondence...

Sorry this is so long. Last time, I came to y'all with a problem with online strangers wanting to barge into my life and take up all my time. You gave me some WONDERFUL advice on how to handle this, including giving me your express permission to resort to a completely made-up personal assistant. So I acquired Serge and am much happier. But... [more inside]
posted by cartoonella on Jul 30, 2013 - 19 answers

Don't want to send my kid sister to jail...

My sister told me about some pretty disturbing and illegal things that she is doing. She clearly needs some kind of help or intervention, but I have no idea how to go about doing that without putting her in jail. I feel totally lost and conflicted. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 12, 2013 - 44 answers

How can I handle unnecessary guilt from coworkers?

My job involves many roles, one of which is IT support, at a medium-sized business. Even though this part of my work only takes up about 33% of my working hours, the negativity surrounding it is making my job a living hell. [more inside]
posted by daisies on May 20, 2013 - 48 answers

How do I tell my parents I am taking a break from school?

My parents are seem to lack trust in my ability to manage my own life. They are controlling, have a strong tendency to emotionally overreact. How do I tell my parents I am taking a break from school with them overreacting? My mother is currently undergoing cancer treatment and I am concerned she will “worry herself sick” over me taking a break from school. [more inside]
posted by lovecricket on Apr 29, 2013 - 13 answers

What to do when you're the asshole in the relationship?

So, I was a bad ex-girlfriend and a shitty friend. What now? [more inside]
posted by frizzle on Mar 12, 2013 - 48 answers

Dealing with family when someone is dying

It appears my Dad is in the process of dying - I'm mostly okay with that, but really struggling with the rest of my family. Could use some words of wisdom. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2013 - 21 answers

How can I help my daughter with her height?

Please help me with my incredible (and probably irrational) guilt and grief over my daughter's height. I know that she'll be okay but I blame myself. Is there anything that I can do now? [more inside]
posted by Toto_tot on Dec 28, 2012 - 126 answers

Great lullabies, terrible lyrics.

A friend told me his baby was soothed quickly & consistently by Neutral Milk Hotel's "Oh Comely", despite its seemingly wildly inappropriate lyrics. What other songs have worked well as baby lullabies despite their actual meaning? [more inside]
posted by davebug on Dec 22, 2012 - 52 answers

How do you deal with knowing that the person's friends hate you for how you've hurt them?

Relationship fall-out: How do you deal with knowing that the person's friends hate you for how you've hurt them? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Dec 19, 2012 - 56 answers

Why can't I just get over this?

How do I get more onboard with my in-laws' presence in my life? [more inside]
posted by agress on Dec 16, 2012 - 37 answers

"Vacate, Set Aside, or Correct Sentence" means what???

What does a motion to "Vacate, Set Aside, or Correct Sentence By A Person In Federal Custody" mean? [more inside]
posted by foggy out there now on Dec 15, 2012 - 1 answer

Letting Sleeping Dogs Lie

So I screwed up and had an affair. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 12, 2012 - 28 answers

How honest am I obligated to be with my parents about dropping college classes?

How honest am I obligated to be with my parents about dropping college classes? [more inside]
posted by efsrous on Nov 14, 2012 - 29 answers

Need to reframe my thinking and comparing self to coworkers with families.

How can I reframe my thinking so that I stop comparing myself to coworkers who do all they do AND have families to take care of at home? [more inside]
posted by ArgyleMarionette on Oct 15, 2012 - 16 answers

Lazy University Student? Guilty As Charged. How can I change? And is this normal?

I'm an intelligent 20 year old University student with good-ish grades and overall, I get all the important stuff done. However, I have such frequent periods of lazy and unmotivated lack of productivity that I feel tremendous guilt for on a daily basis--Should I feel guilty? Is this common / normal? [more inside]
posted by rhythm_queen on Oct 14, 2012 - 16 answers

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