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Like a turkey trying to fly.

zoomorphic — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:37:49 -0800

I'm hosting my first Thanksgiving. I have zero idea what I'm doing. Advice, s'il vous plait! I got the bright idea to organize a Thanksgiving dinner for my fellow NYC transplant friends who aren't flying home for the holidays, doubling as an excuse to show off my cool new apartment. Oh, except, I can barely cook tofu, let alone an entire turkey. Today I saw a sign-up list at a grocery store for turkeys that ended yesterday, and I was mortified that somehow I'd missed the turkey lottery deadline. I need advice on everything.

My ten guests are bringing side dishes according to their household traditions, but I'm in charge of the turkey, the mulled wine, candied bacon ice cream and pumpkin pie. I'm a good baker and will do right by the desserts, but I need easy-to-follow advice on good places to acquire a bird (preferably free-range, organic) suited for 10 people, gutting it, basting it, etc. If you've got a good mulled wine recipe, send it my way. Any favorite Martha Stewart touches would be lovely. Miscellaneous advice related to large dinner parties would be much appreciated as well.

I'm Lisa Simpson, and I'm dating Barney Gumble's best friend.

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:54:36 -0800

My boyfriend's best friend from childhood is an exact clone of Barney Gumble (from the Simpsons) in regards to drinking, but fortunately lives out of state. My boyfriend stopped drinking heavily last year, and says he's happier for it. Now "Barney" is coming to spend a week with us, and plans to move to our town/neighborhood in the fall. How do I deal with this situation, and my anxieties that my lovely boyfriend will revert to his old ways? Background: I've been dating my boyfriend for two years, we moved in together a couple months ago. When we first started going out, his tendency to get wasted every weekend (and some weeknights) made me not take the relationship, or him, very seriously. But when his two drinking buddies moved away last year, he stopped drinking all the time, saving it only for special occasions, and generally just seemed to mature a lot. Our relationship got better and better and we eventually decided to move in together.

Now I've met Barney on numerous occasions, and every time I've met him he's been drunk. When he comes to visit he and the boyfriend always pick up several cases of beer and always drink until they puke, but I let it slide because it's a reunion of sorts, and the visit never lasts more than a few days. My boyfriend himself admits that Barney probably is an alcoholic. To paint a clearer picture:Barney, when I first met him, was urinating on my fence. Then when my boyfriend wasn't looking, he put his hand up my skirt. So I don't have the best impression of this guy, and he's never done much to improve upon it. The scariest part is that I've caught my boyfriend DRIVING drunk when he was with Barney, which is a huge, huge issue for me. My boyfriend is lovely and trustworthy while sober, but makes terrible decisions while drunk-- another reason why I am so happy he hardly ever drinks these days.

Which brings me to my problem: next month Barney and his (sweet but ditzy) girlfriend are coming to our apartment to stay with us for a week. Not something I'm thrilled about, but we are the only people in this city that they know, and Barney and his girlfriend are trying to find jobs here. They plan to move to our neighborhood in the fall. Since my boyfriend is Barney's ONLY social connection here, I just know that Barney is going to be at our apartment, passed out on the couch, every other night. I work long hours and really value my quiet time, and go to bed around 10pm on weeknights. Last time Barney visited he was so loud I had to leave my boyfriend's apartment at 2am on a Wednesday and go to my own apartment to sleep (this is back when we lived separately.)

Most of all I'm worried that my boyfriend will go back to drinking all the time, since he loves Barney and it's the only way Barney knows how to have fun. I don't respect my boyfriend when he's out of control drunk, and I had hoped to never again see drinking play the role in his life that it once did. This is something I could very well see ruining our otherwise awesome relationship.

I communicated all this to my boyfriend and he got very upset, saying that he didn't stop drinking because his buddies moved away, but because he had outgrown it. (Yet in the year since then, whenever Barney shows up, he still gets wasted.) So I can't quite convince myself that he is the model of restraint he pretends to be, and that it wasn't just circumstantial that he stopped drinking because he had no one to drink with.

I feel really helpless in this situation, and have even spoken to friends about staying with them for the week that Barney's here, but I don't know what to do when he MOVES here. I don't want to be a controlling bitch, but I don't want to live with the person my boyfriend becomes when he's drinking all time. Do I say something to Barney? To Barney's girlfriend? If I lay down the law, like saying "no getting wasted in the apartment" how do I know they won't drive home drunk? Any advice would be much appreciated.

An Introvert's Hosting Survival Guide Needed.

srboisvert — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 01:10:11 -0800

How can an introvert survive and hopefully thrive while entertaining short to medium term house guests? (Long term being out of the freaking question!) I'm not anti-social but I find it extremely exhausting to have guests stay in my flat for any longer than a day or two. My batteries just don't seem to recharge unless I get time alone in my own place. However, it feels rude to leave guests alone and I suspect it might also makes them feel rude/neglected.

How do other introverts manage it?

How to kick guests out at a reasonable time?

Anonymous — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 06:52:39 -0800

I love entertaining at home, but I also love going to bed. How do I encourage my guests to leave at a reasonable time? With the holiday season coming up, I'd love to throw a couple of parties for Xmas & New Year. We have a great apartment, with an amazing view, which is awesome for entertaining, and I love having people over. The problem is, after midnight I really struggle, and I like to go to bed at a reasonable time.

I've had a couple of (small, intimate) parties where I just couldn't get people to leave until after 3. Even the heaviest hints didn't work, and I'm too polite to say "HEY. I NEED TO SLEEP NOW, GOODBYE!"

I've tried yawning. Cleaning up the dishes. Turning the lights up etc., but some people just don't get it. I dread the end to the evening now.

Does anyone have any good suggestions so I can enjoy hosting my friends this xmas?

Sofa so good?

larsks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:18:00 -0800

We're reconfiguring our house to make room for a second child. We'd like to continue to have someplace comfortable for guests to sleep, but we're short on space. A sofa bed seems like a great solution (because we do need some sort of sitting device), but so many of them are both ugly and uncomfortable.

Google has found us these, but they're not easy to find if one wants to look at them in person.

Can you recommend something that is relatively modern in appearance, and actually comfortable to sleep on?

Where to feed and entertain children in Toronto

gesamtkunstwerk — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 11:13:47 -0800

Where do two foodies take a family with children in Toronto? And once we've eaten, what are the must see places for boys, 6 and 8? Two of my best friends from Wisconsin are coming to Torontowith their boys, 6 and 8. They're staying at Bay and Wellseley (not, IMHO, a great area for kids). I want to make sure that the kids have as much fun as the adults.

Can any downtown/ Annex parents recommend restaurants in the area that are both foodie and child friendly in that area?

I'm going to suggest taking them to the Science Centre, the ROM and Riverdale farm. What else shouldn't they miss? They're also going to Hamilton, a city I do not know at all.

Buh-Bye, Please!

batcrazy — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 06:22:23 -0800

How can my mom tactfully kick out guests who've overstayed their welcome? About four months ago, a river flooded in the small midwest community where my mom and stepdad live. A couple at their small (50 members?) church was displaced during the flood, and my mom initially opened her home to the couple for the EVENING.

As the flood continued, that evening turned into a week. Once the water had receded, the couple's home was declared uninhabitable because of flood damage, mold, etc.

The couple consists of hard-working dad, disabled (non-working) mom, and two college-age kids (one of whom is now home for the summer). They are not well off and can't afford to fix their house; nor can they afford to pay rent on a second place while paying their mortgage on their uninhabitable home. They are working (slo-o-o-wly) on finding out what their homeowners insurance policy may cover.

In the meantime, my mom and stepdad have had the couple and their small dog living with them in a three bedroom home for FOUR months. Several weeks ago, the college-age daughter came 'home' for the summer, so now there are 5 people and 2 dogs in a house with *one* bathroom.

My mom is at her wits end. She doesn't work either, so her home is normally her sanctuary. She feels horrible for the family's situation, and feels it was and is her 'Christian duty' to help them, but has taken to leaving her own home for days and weeks at a time (visiting friends and relatives in other states) due to the stress (and quite honestly, cost) of having additional guests.

She wants them to leave, but really doesn't know how to do it. She already spoke to the pastor of their small church once, and that got the ball rolling in terms of getting the couple to press the insurance company, but did not make headway on a more permanent living solution.

I would like some practical and tactful mini-speeches that my mom could use to let these people know they really need to leave by XX date. Keep in mind, she is quite non-confrontational by nature and will still see these people multiple times a week at church services after they leave.

(By the way, I think these folks are nice people stuck in a bad situation, but they aren't doing everything they can to help themselves because they have my mom as a crutch. If they had to live in their home or be on the street, I think they'd be all up in the insurance company's grill about fixing their home pronto. But that's just my two cents).

How do I create a TV schedule based on a topic?

bristolcat — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 08:44:59 -0800

How do I create a TV schedule based on a topic? I'd like to create a TV schedule, preferably delivered via RSS feed, that sorts through upcoming shows by topic.

For example, maybe I want to catch shows that have a green or conservation theme. Is there something that would tell me that such-and-such environmental expert is going to be on Oprah or that Al Gore is going to appear on the Late Show? Maybe a home building show on HGTV is going to have a special on how to build green.

This is just one topic I'm interested in. What I'd like to know is if it's possible and how to do it. Or is there already some fancy Web 2.0 widget out there doing this already?

Thanks in advance!

Unique reception venue in Sioux Falls?

bristolcat — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 06:59:43 -0800

Please help us find a unique but elegant wedding reception venue in Sioux Falls, SD! My fiancé and I are planning a Spring 2008 wedding. We have met with much frustration. At the risk of sounding like a Bridezilla, I'm having trouble picking a site that fits my "dream wedding." My fiancé seems content with wherever, but I am adverse to the thought of a reception in a tent, church basement or hotel meeting room.

The kicker is our capacity needs. He has a HUGE family and is inviting EVERYONE, so we need room for at least 240 people. This blew away my dream of getting married in the Old Courthouse Museum, which has a capacity of 160.

Can mefites suggest anything just as unique and elegant? Sioux Falls isn't a very big town and it's making this choice frustrating. Personal experience or pictures/websites is a huge plus.

Thank you!!!!

Which of your own behaviors should you change when you have guests over?

gregb1007 — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 20:46:45 -0800

When friends with whom you don't usually spend time in close quarters come for a brief stay at your house, what things should you change about your everyday, hanging-around the house behavior? The question is when people stay over, which of their regular activities can a person do without offending their guests? It's a tricky trade-off between being comfortable and displaying common courtesy for the guest.

I ask because I have noticed that when I have friends or relatives over for an extended stay, I start to feel ill at ease and begin pestering myself with questions about cleanliness of my living space, my eating habits, the impression they might get of me by seeing the tv shows I watch, my grooming, etc.. etc... So I want to make it clear for myself as to what behaviors should be changed in the presence of visitors and which should just be left alone.

What's the middle ground between "F.U!" and "Welcome!"?

jeffxl — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 13:38:19 -0800

One of my wife's distant friends has attempted to invite herself to stay with us, again. She did this last March, and we used the excuse of me starting a new job and needing to do x, y, and z as well as the "out of town" excuse for any remaining dates. This got us off scot-free, but we both knew the time would come again... and it's here. We need a final solution. We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment, in New York City. People like to visit here, and they don't generally want to pay for a hotel. We understand this. However, we also don't want people staying with us who we don't know or don't like.

My wife received the following email (summarized):

I'm going to be in NYC the night of the 5th to the morning of the 15th for [blah blah blah some work-related singing event thing]. Maria (my boss) said it is on the lower east side at Gramercy Park. I do have another friend who offered me her place to stay, but not for the whole time. Is there a chance that I could stay with you and Jeff for a portion of that time? I'd be using the subway the whole time and I'd be gone from 10-10 probably every day, so I'd be out of your way most of the time.

Let me know if this might be a possibility! Your choice on the dates, it's pretty flexible when I stay at her place.

Thanks for your help - I hope this works out so we can see each other!

Oh my god. First, I don't even know this woman. I've never even spoken with her. My wife doesn't really like her, but she's one of those people who just won't go away. To complicate things further, my wife is one of those people who doesn't really like to say no or to turn away people from her past, so I'm sure this woman will be following us wherever we go. Granted, they do have history in that they used to go to school together from ages 11-16. A decade ago. Then, they've seen each other sporadically when they've been home at the same time. This complicates the issue a little since it begs the question "does past history automatically equate to present friendship?" Even so, I'm reluctant to allow her stay because it'll set a precedent and possibly ruin the (slim) chances of her just fading into the past, and never hearing from her again.

Further, it really annoys me when people just invite themselves over, or present the possibility of you accommodating them. This is something I strive never to do. If anything, I might "test the waters" by mentioning I'll be in town, and see if an offer comes my way, but suggesting that you should allow me to stay in your apartment with you and your significant other whom I have not met seems borderline if not downright rude. Presumptuous, definitely.

I doubt this will be the last time this happens, so we need a final solution.

The only thing I've thought of so far are:

1. Our apartment has a weird key (true), and we haven't been able to get it duplicated (somewhat true). We need our keys (true). Sorry.

2. Keep it vague. "Sorry, that isn't going to work for us" seems like a pretty good solution, but a) it's still pretty awkward to say to someone, especially since I wouldn't put it beyond this woman to inquire further -- "Why, though? Why can't I stay?" -- and b) it'll be hard to get my wife to say this to her.

Have you had similar experiences? What would you do in this sort of situation? Is getting cornered into an unfortunate situation like this just a fact of life I'm refusing to accept?

How do you impress your dinner guests?

CunningLinguist — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 05:06:28 -0800

Dinner Parties! I'm looking for impressive recipes. How did you last knock your guests' socks off? A few minor restrictions and links to previous great threads inside. My ideal dinner party recipes would involve minimal last minute rushing around, so while simple-yet-elegant dishes like seared fish or sauteed chicken breasts would seem like a good plan, in fact they are a pain if you have six or eight guests. But I also want dishes that look good. The last time I had people over I made a traditional coq au vin, which was insanely good and involved no last minute work at all, but didn't look very pretty no matter how much parsley I sprinkled.
I found great ideas in previous answers about starters and puddings, chipotle dishes, ginger recipes, Seattle fish recipes, special dinners for two, favorite recipes to impress, Christmas dinner for grandparents and vegetarian entertaining. Looking for more - how did you last make your guests ooh and ahh without spending all evening in the kitchen instead of having cocktails with them?

Visitors from the Planet Vegan

majick — Tue, 29 Jun 2004 08:41:02 -0800

Ack, I'm not vegan! But I've got a friend with three kids under 9 who is, and they're coming to stay a few days. This hapless carnivore and starchivore needs your culinary assistance to feed adults and kids. I know the basic rule of vegan cooking -- use no animal products whatsoever -- and will have a chance to make one grocery run before the horde descends upon me, but this is a dietary restriction fundamentally incompatible with my cuisine. What can I make that my (also carnivorous) and her (also vegan) children will all eat, but that will also delight adults? I need breakfast and dinner ideas, since lunch isn't my problem.

Please share your vegan-friendly ideas for family meals that won't cause a couple of carnivore kids to start throwing food at me! I realize I can probably squeak by with pasta and some clever saucework, but I'd like to try a little harder than that.

Fish and Houseguests

Goofyy — Thu, 20 May 2004 13:03:23 -0800

Dealing with parents: How to say 'no'? They want to make an extended visit beyond anything we find reasonable. More behind the door... My partner's parents are wonderful people. But they have this desire to spend 3 weeks in the UK, where we live (they're in Belgium). If we are away, they want to stay here without us, if we're home, its 3 weeks of company. We find this a majorly unwanted intrusion. We usually limit our visits there to 3 nights maximum. I am the more strongly put-out (that is, these are my in-laws), but even the other half is not happy about it. Lame excuses are not going to work. How to convey a polite 'no'?