Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with groups

How can I converse in large groups?

Anonymous — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:32:01 -0800

Help me carry on conversations in groups with my *special snowflake* situation. Yes, I know this question has been asked before, but my case is different.

I am an 18 year old female college student. I am a shy introvert, who is a mix of INTJ/ INTP. I have always had trouble carrying conversations in large groups (say more than 4 people). I think one problem I have is timing. I can't seem to get a word in edge wise. I don't want to be *that girl* and force my point in where it doesn't flow. When I do get a comment in, other, more forceful people seem to move the conversation elsewhere, and thus people rarely respond to my comments.

If it matters, the groups are usually 100% female. They seem like nice people, and I would like to get to know them better.

Compounding factors: I have learning disabilities (but not Aspergers) that make it hard to read people and sense timing. My parents were very strict when I was growing up, so I was not allowed to watch tv, watch very many movies, or listen to popular music. I still do not really enjoy these things today so I have very little "popular culture" currency. I am commonly lost in the conversation, because I am not familiar with the particular show or band. It would be hard to even research these topics, because they change every conversation. Further research cannot mitigate 18 years of lack of popular culture.

Potential things in my favor: I am self aware. I have a roommate, an INTJ, who can help me to a point.

The other questions I have seen before seem to be about grown up mingling. Here, this is not about approaching the group. Nor does finding fellow wall flowers apply to this situation, because everybody else is actively participating in the one conversation. I would find it strange to ask questions about topic to the group (to try to understand the topic), because it would disrupt the main conversation.

In short, I'm looking for advice to improve my conversation skills keeping in mind my *special snowflake* situation. I am still working on meeting new people with different interests, but that's hard when I can't converse with people in larger groups. I will reiterate that I do not have Aspergers. I'm just awkward and shy around people.

Out of the Flickr group loop

Mael Oui — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:01:02 -0800

Flickr filter: I'm looking for an easy way to keep up with all the photo additions to my 30+ groups on Flickr. It seems that the only way to be notified of additions to groups' pools on Flickr is to manually go to each group (takes up too much time) or to subscribe to RSS feeds. Some of the groups I'm in have a huge amount of posts every day, so I don't want to clutter my RSS reader any more than it already is. Those two options are out, as far as I'm concerned.

You know how you can see (for instance) five new pictures from each of your contacts since your last log-in (Contacts > Most recent uploads)? I want this, but for the groups that I'm in. Activity > In Your Groups (aka 'Recent Updates in your Groups') doesn't do what I want it to do. That seems to be 'topics or replies', which I'm not interested in. I figured I was overlooking this feature, so I did ask on the official Flickr forums. I was told such a feature didn't exist on the site, and it looks like they haven't added it recently.

I had been using a non-Flickr affiliated site called Groupr that did EXACTLY what I wanted. I adored Groupr. You'd put in a user name, and it would show all their public groups. It would show the latest, say, six pictures from each group's photo pool (and each picture linked back to the photo on Flickr). It was a nice minimal way to keep up with the new additions to groups. Unfortunately, the site is gone (seemingly forever), and I've tried fruitlessly to find a replacement. Does anyone know of another site/service that works like Groupr did? Barring that, do you have any good tips or tricks for staying up-to-date in the helter-skelter world of Flickr groups? TIA!

e-mailing multiple addresses within one Entourage Contact.

jmd82 — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:43:21 -0800

Using Entourage to send to multiple e-mail addresses with one Contact. Staff members are using Entourage for e-mailing groups. These groups often contain people with multiple e-mail addresses, and for various reasons, all these e-mail addresses must be contacted. So Jon Doe will have a home and work e-mail. However, when sending to a Contact with a Group (or even individually), it will only send to their default address instead of all listed, like Outlook would.

So my question is: Is there a way to send to all e-mail addresses within one contact by default? Some users have hundreds of contacts, each with multiple e-mail addresses listed, in their distribution groups, and we'd rather avoid having to go back and modify all their groups.

Let's go to Little Canada!

Korou — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:15:40 -0800

A few months ago I read about French-Canadian immigration into the U.S. from the 1840s to 1930s. Evidently, some of these immigrants established "Little Canadas." I'd like to learn more about them. Are they still established in some form, like Little Italys or Chinatowns? How did their culture change from when they lived in Canada to living in the U.S.? What resources cover this topic? (there are some sources mentioned on the page I read)

I had never heard about this type of immigrant community, and hadn't ever considered their existence. What other little covered, niche, or surprising immigrant groups came/are coming to the States?

You only live twice...

SciencePunk — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 07:07:21 -0800

Is there a society for people who have died and lived to tell the tale? Hello hivemind. I'm writing up a piece on attempts to chart the afterlife - from Dr. Beaurieux shouting at the severed heads of guillotine victims to modern cryonics-loving transhumanists.

I recall reading about a society for people who had died and come back to life - i.e. had a 'near' death experience. A Google search turns up IANDS. However, it seems to attract a New Ager crowd for whom NDE can extend to 'I fell asleep and had a really intense dream'.

So... Is there a more level-headed society for revenants? Or did I fall asleep and dream it?

HA Ha ha--not funny

tenaciousd — Fri, 08 May 2009 04:53:44 -0800

How can I get rid of my nervous laugh? I was out with a group of people last night and again noticed myself laughing at things that weren’t jokes. It wasn’t serious conversation, but it wasn’t in response to a funny story or joke. I could feel my jaw clenching a little and my stomach tightening. It clearly wasn’t a relaxed, good-times reaction.

I realize the underlying issue here is confidence, and the nervous laugh is symptomatic of that. But I’m hoping that by addressing the symptom, I might start fixing the cause.

What tips do you have for getting rid of a nervous laugh?

I hate groups..

Anonymous — Fri, 01 May 2009 14:01:06 -0800

I feel overwhelmingly anxious over sentimental-ish type situations, like seeing long lost friends, reuniting with family, etc.. to the point I avoid it entirely. How can I just ease off?? In the facebook era of running into all these people I knew it's making me face my biggest fears.

It's probably more emphasized with my family, since I haven't seen them in years and most of that has been voluntary on my part. But there never was bad blood, it was mostly me and being insecure over certain things, I had a really avoidant nature while I was with them (going off to other rooms to eat, not going to anything 'everyone will be there', etc)

So like my family, my old high school friends were like an extended family too. I was one of them, I assume that meant they must like me and thought of me as one of the crew, but I just drifted off one day, and it's been 15+ years, and next thing I know I see them all on facebook and that mixed with the prospect of having to see them again in real life is bringing back these anxiety/avoid type feelings.

I thought I was over this. This past 15 years just doing my thing alone, had few friends, I like it but I hate it. I like that I don't have the anxiety.. yet I hated the loneliness. So that's why I signed up on facebook cause I knew they're all on. But now that they're adding me.. and I'm seeing other people connected to our group who I haven't added nor want to.. the anxiety is mostly "oh s**t.. they now know I exist. Sooner or later they're going to ask me to hang out. I'm going to have to see other people I don't want to. I can't/don't want to fake that I like them and miss them. But maybe one or two of them I really do want to see."

I guess that's where I get my anxiety.. having to control the situation so I only see X and Y, but not A, B, C, D, E and everyone else. But since they're such a close knit group, like a family, it's impossible to know one without having to know the others.

The problem is in doing so, I exert a lot of energy in maintaining this. And sometimes, X and Y don't understand I feel this way, so they see my avoidance of the rest as me not wanting to be a part of them. It's like they want me, but only if I also embrace the rest of the gang. It is like an eternal high school life, but that's how everyone I know is.. even after they're married. Their kids just join into the group dynamic.

I'm such an individual person.. group dynamics make me clam up and not be myself.

How can I keep things limited to just the few people I DO want to know, considering they might not be capable of understanding this or really enjoying it. They're just social ants who are part of a larger thing, and want you to join.. but when you want a more personal individualistic relationship with them, maybe it scares them.. cause they don't know how to function like that, but only as part of a group??

Library music?

The Card Cheat — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:51:49 -0800

I have a friend on the Local Music Committee of the Toronto Public Library, and they're looking to hire some Toronto-area bands that have a CD and a following, but aren't so popular that the library couldn't afford them or accomodate the huge crowds they'd draw. The group's music would also have to be acceptable for a fairly general audience. However, I'm very out of the loop, current music-wise, so if anyone has any suggestions I'd be happy to pass them along to my friend on the committee.

Any readers in L.A.?

Kloryne — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 22:04:36 -0800

Reading groups/clubs in Los Angeles? Hello there - do any Mefites belong to or know of any good reading groups or book clubs in Los Angeles? The ones I've seen via Google don't really thrill me.

Specs: I'm not super picky but the "... we mainly read books from Oprah's book club," thing isn't quite my cup of tea. However, this is mostly what I've found through web searches. And my friends, god bless 'em, just don't DO "reading."

I'm female, mid 30's, and live in Hollywood, if that matters at all.

I'd love any info. Thanks in advance.

Good Books About Groups?

toomuchkatherine — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 12:30:35 -0800

Good books that about a type of person/subculture/etc., which does not necessarily hang out together or think of itself as a group? I'm trying to compile a short list of good books that deal with a social group (people with something in common: e.g. nerds, owners of a certain kind of dog, people with a certain medical condition, etc.), which does not meet physically (like, not a study of Trekkies who go to Trekkie conventions).

Sociological books would be OK, as would books that would be better considered journalism or essays.

I'm just wondering how writers have approached the challenge of writing about groups that don't necessarily gather physically or even virtually.

How to create an interest-based survey that groups users/discussions based on matches?

dael — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:29:16 -0800

I'm looking for help in finding good examples of interest surveys for social sites that match a user to a group/other users based on interest survey results (very much like StumbleUpon process but its focused on matching sites I might like). I'm looking for best practices, too, to decide on hierarchy structure (what is a considered a top level and second level category). The idea is providing ~30 "top level" interest areas that also allow a user to go deeper, if they choose, to sub categories that are more specific. (Example 1: top level category Entertainment, subcategories celebrities/gossip, gaming, internet, movies, music, books, etc. Example 2: top level category TV shows, subcategories Family Guy, Heroes, the Office, Dancing with the Stars, etc). Once a user selects their interests they will be matched to other users/ discussion groups based on matches with other users. Any examples of sites that do this (other than StumbleUpon, which does a great job) are greatly appreciated.

Your New Best Friend

xz — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 16:10:14 -0800

Have you seen my people? They must be in Melbourne somewhere... Oh Mighty Hive-Mind, I throw myself upon your mercy...

I've lived in Melbourne AU for two years now and I have a problem. I can't seem to find my friends.

I'm an outgoing fellow (36, married) with a variety of interests and no problem talking to strangers. I've managed to make a bunch of friends here in town, but I'm still searching for the group of people who make me feel at home.

I've tried hanging out at my local and meeting people there. I've tried starting my own clubs (writing group, rock climbing, film viewing, trivia, the gentleman's daily ration society). I've tried finding good groups to join (not much luck). I volunteer for Popcorn Taxi. These efforts have led me to a place where I have a bunch of people I like, and whom I like to pal about with, but no one (save the wife) whom I feel genuinely close to.

I've moved to new cities before. In some, you find your spot right away. In others, you never do. Melbourne seems like the place where I should be able to find my people, so I'm confused and discouraged. I don't want to blame my lack of success on age, or marriage, or on being foreign (although working from home might be a culprit).

It certainly seems like my type of folks would be in healthy supply in such an interesting town, so MeFi can you help me out? Any ideas on where to trawl for interesting types?

Are you here trying to find people willing to join your crazy scheme? I'll probably say yes.

Google is not great after all

Phire — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:00:30 -0800

Google Groups denied two requests to add new subscribers to a listserv. Can I appeal this decision? Or, failing that, is there a way to see the two lists of emails that it denied? I run the listserv for a University student association, managed through Google Groups. We recently had around 200 students sign up at a orientation week event to receive emails from us about upcoming events. I tried to add these emails to the list of subscribers in two batches (70 and 120), and upon learning that these were "pending review", explained the purpose of the listserv, where to find the club online, and where these new subscribers came from.

I received an email from google today saying both requests had been denied. Fwiw, the listserv's been running for a good 3-4 years, and there have been far bigger batches added in the past that were approved with no problem. I browsed around the help groups a bit, but couldn't find any information on what to do if I believe that my request to add new members was unfairly denied. Is there an appeal process in place, or am I stuck emailing a generic google help email and hoping they respond?

Furthermore - I can't seem to find a way to access the list of all the emails I entered. I stupidly did not back them up when I first added them into the group, and really don't relish the thought of trying to decipher 200-some emails written in cramped and barely legible writing all over again. I know which request numbers they were, but is that the only info Google Groups stores?

Thanks in advance; I am, understandably I think, a tad miffed about this.

HIV Support in DC

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 14:20:35 -0800

I need support! In February of 2007, I found out that I am HIV+. In the last year and a half, I've done a lot of 'growing up' in terms of health and education, but I need more help.

I'm a white heterosexual female, and I really feel like I'm all alone out here. There are tons of support groups for homosexuals, there are tons of support groups for minorities, there are tons of support groups for addicts, but where is the support group for heteros?

I currently go to a monthly support group sponsored by my infectious disease doctor, but a) it's just monthly; and b) it's for african-american females -- they made an 'exception' to let me in. :)

I really just need to find more people like me - guys or girls - no matter what the color - that are HIV+. I need a group of people that I see often enough that we can become friends. (I only see my current group 12 times a year, if I make every single meeting, which I sometimes can't do).

The homosexuals really have done this right--being gay and positive is ok. There are tons of support systems, there is a lot of transparency in the dating process, and not nearly as much ignorance and judging.

Why do heterosexuals treat HIV as a dirty secret that should never be shared or talked about with anyone?

I have a therapist, I have great doctors, and I have amazing friends. But, the only person I know and can talk to about HIV who IS HIV+ is my ex, and he's my ex--it's not like he's tearing up the phone lines waiting to talk to me.

My questions:
1) Do you know of any hetero HIV+ support groups in the DC area?
2) Do you have any suggestions on how I can meet real, live (not internet chat rooms) HIV+ people in a safe, trusting environment? (Not everyone knows or needs to know my status, so it's not like I'm about to hang a big "HIV+" sign around my neck and walk around Dupont Circle look for friends....

Thanks.

Getting OUT in SF

pacifica — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 04:25:10 -0800

I'm a young (early 20s) gay guy living in San Francisco. I haven't come out yet, mainly because I don't feel like I have a supportive, positive social base to fall back on if everyone in my life turned away from me. I want to surrounded myself with the right kind of people such that I feel more comfortable being myself. So, specifically, I want to get more involved with the LGBT community and more importantly I want to move beyond the scene and meet guys my age in normal social activities. For instance, I'd be interested in a hiking/outdoors kind of group. I guess my question is, where do I start? How do I get involved?

Games for large groups of people?

BoldStepDesign — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:40:55 -0800

So, I've got a small group of young college friends, about 10-15 people. I'm looking for fun running out door games with lots of competition. And when the winter hits some fun competitive indoor games. Any ideas for both indoor and outdoor games?

What to do with all that free time in law school?

ericc — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 06:07:52 -0800

I'm just about to head off to law school, where there are dozens of student-groups and extracurricular organizations. Which are most impressive to perspective (big-law) employers? I know good grades is number one by far, and in years 2 and 3, Law Review is number two by far. Any thoughts on what other options mean the most? Especially options for 1Lers?

Not that I'll have time for them, and not that I'll avoid groups that I have specific affinity to, but I'd like to understand the context of those decisions.

Tally of cycle types in a permutation group

Wolfdog — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 09:20:17 -0800

Anyone good with GAP? I've defined a largish permutation group and would like to make a tally of elements by cycle type - how many of each cycle type occurs in the group. Possible? Trivial? Use something else instead? Oh, and where's the right place to ask GAP questions?

Weekly meetings are the SUXORS

matty — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:45:41 -0800

A private Twitter for groups? I'm trying to come up with a novel solution for my office... We don't want to have weekly meetings to keep track of what each other is doing. Here's the situation... We all work as consultants on a large project, although in different areas of expertise (though all aviation related).

Weekly meetings aren't cutting it - so I suggested that we do some sort of weblog or twitter-y kind of thing. Something that we can all post to on the fly...

It has to be easy to use. Not everyone here is computer savvy.
Everyone needs a unique userid so we can understand who's talking.
It has to be password protected and not viewable by the public.

Moral of the story is that we want a way to keep everyone updated in the group as to what we're all doing, WITHOUT having to have the dreaded weekly meeting.

Any ideas?? I figure there has to be SOME sort of software out there already. I thought twitter would be a good idea, but I'm not familiar with it and don't know if it can do the 'private group' thing.

Immigration in NYC

octomato — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 10:22:18 -0800

I would like to be involved with immigrant right group... I live in NYC and I would like to become involved with immigrant rights here. I have a heavy weekly production schedule, so I was looking for something I could do during the weekends. I feel very strongly about the need to reform the immigration policy, the aid that immigrant families need and many more issues, that I will not go into detail.

I am a native Spanish speaker. Though, not a "real immigrant", I am from PR.

Thanks!!

What are some heavily curated groups on Flickr

chunking express — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:40:11 -0800

What are some heavily curated groups on Flickr? I'm looking for stuff like Hardcore Street Photography, which only has one or two photos being OK'd by the admins each day. There have to be more groups like this.

Looking for a good place or a group/organization to meet people in Seattle.

lattiboy — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 11:05:01 -0800

So, I moved to lovely Seattle more than a year ago and I have found it near impossible to meet people (I now understand the "Seattle Ice"). Any ideas? I have a good job, a decent apartment, and have my own hobbies, however, I'm past going out to bars and concerts to hopefully find folks. Any ideas from the Seattlites here? I really love the city, its just a bit intimidating.

What group activities can I sign up for in LA?

katillathehun — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 10:10:40 -0800

What are some activities in Los Angeles that I could sign up for and take part in on a regular basis with a group of other people? Some kind of weekly thing, maybe. The best example I can think of is something like a knitting club... but not specifically a knitting club because knitting just ain't my thing. I am thinking of something creative/arts-related, though. I just don't know of anything in particular that I could check out. Anyone in LA involved in or know of something like this that they can recommend? The back story: I just went through a painful breakup and don't really know what to do with myself. Pathetic, right? I mean, sure, I've got my own hobbies, but I really need to get *out* and interact with other people who aren't connected to the ex. You know, make some new friends, stay busy, stop feeling sorry for myself, stop watching Jane Austen movies...

Any English-language socializing in Tokyo?

cadge — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:35:20 -0800

The two of us are in Tokyo through November 8, being tourists. Are there any social opportunities for hanging out with other English-speakers (e.g. cheap organized tours, group outings for karaoke, etc.)? My friend and I are in Tokyo through November 8. We have loads of things on our list to see and do, but it's just the two of us - we don't know anyone here, and we don't speak Japanese. Are there any social groups or outings where we could hang out with ex-pats, travelers, or other English speakers?

What I have in mind is like how youth hostels often have open group outings to bars or organized trips that travelers can join in on (we're not staying at a hostel, though, otherwise I'd ask at the desk!). It would be a lot of fun to join in with some people for a karaoke night or walking tour or other group activity.

I want to call her...but I don't know how...to use a phone

parmanparman — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:03:42 -0800

About a month ago, I began producing a daily one-hour radio show on environmentalism, sustainable living, and the common good. Putting the show every day is a challenge for a variety of reasons, but one of the hardest parts has been trying to find news to report and the experts to make these reports possible. Please help me! I am looking to join mailing lists and also liaise with academics/advocates/activists/industry experts and so on about important environmental and sustainable living issues. If you know of groups I NEED to know about, or ways to access experts, I would appreciate your feedback.