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Takes on wordlessness

Hi all-- I'm writing an essay that began as one about keening and the times I've been reduced to wordless cries of grief. Now it's sprawling all over the place and I'm also talking about wordlessness in general (including references to people like Meredith Monk who often sing and emote without words), and also the speech act (when it doesn't matter what is said but that it is said). I don't know how much I'll pare it down, but in the meantime I wanted to crowdsource some ideas. Does anything come to mind when you think of wordlessness, especially in the context of grief? Are there any words (from any cultures) that mean "that which cannot be expressed in words?" (Aside from more general terms like "unable to be articulated" and such.)
posted by mermaidcafe on May 7, 2013 - 15 answers

 

I loved him, he loved me, but it was complicated and now he's dead.

I just ended a year-long relationship two months ago with the love of my life. He was a brilliant, creative, talented and generous man with Asperger's and a long, complicated history of severe mental illness. He was an Army vet and had lived an incredible life, full of adventures but also extreme trauma and heartbreak. He killed himself on Friday. How do I go on? [more inside]
posted by cardinality on May 5, 2013 - 18 answers

How to help a grieving student?

I am a (new) professor at a small, rural university. One of my students has had to take an emergency leave due to a death in their family. Aside from assuring them that they need not think about their schoolwork at all, and that we'll work it out when they're ready, is there anything else I can do to support them? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 26, 2013 - 19 answers

Happy sad show recommendations?

I recently discovered the TV show Go On and liked it. I am wondering if you guys know of any other show (or movie) that has the same feel? [more inside]
posted by pleasebekind on Apr 4, 2013 - 22 answers

Inspiring movies to give as a gift to my brother

[Family-issue-disguised-as-gift-suggestion filter] Please give me your recommendations for humorous and inspiring movies, especially about someone taking simple, practical steps to establish a balanced life. For snowflakey reasons detailed inside, I believe such a movie might be a helpful gift for my brother given his current life circumstances. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 29, 2013 - 7 answers

What was the most comforting condolence sentence you ever heard?

Has someone important to you passed away? What was the most comforting/most respectful thing anyone said to you when that happened? I work with the elderly, who die at an accelerated rate. 98% of the time, I genuinely care about the deceased and would like to give comfort to the surviving family. Since this comes up a lot, I feel as if I'm repeating the same phrases over and over. I need more options. I'm specifically asking for things people said to you that were kind. [more inside]
posted by Lately Gone on Mar 21, 2013 - 77 answers

How did you let go and forgive after a loss and a breakup?

Death of a parent and a breakup- how to disentangle the two, get a virtual lobotomy regarding the breakup, and for heavens sake just fucking move on regarding the breakup. [more inside]
posted by xm on Feb 27, 2013 - 20 answers

My wife died. Is it OK if I *don't* want to talk about it all the time?

My wife died. Everyone keeps telling me I should have someone to talk to - a counselor or someone from hospice or whoever. I don't really feel like I need or want that, though. Am I harming myself by handling this on my own? [more inside]
posted by tylerkaraszewski on Feb 17, 2013 - 67 answers

Recurring dream

I keep having the same dream over and over. Has anyone else had this? [more inside]
posted by thank you silence on Feb 15, 2013 - 18 answers

How to release suppressed emotions? I need to express my sadness.

My ex-boyfriend recently broke up with me. I am normally a very emotional person but I feel... nothing. I would like some advice about how to release my bottled-up emotions over this. [more inside]
posted by sock puppetron on wheels on Feb 2, 2013 - 24 answers

I'd like to give something to my cat sitter in a horrible situation.

My cat has died, which was horrible. Worse, I wasn't even home. I'd like to send my cat sitter something. [more inside]
posted by AmandaA on Jan 8, 2013 - 9 answers

"Why do we fall, sir? So that we might learn to pick ourselves up."

Need some tips and pointers, such as those based on personal stories and experiences, regarding getting out of a deep, deep hole of endless darkness and hopelessness when the universe seems to be hell bent on bringing you down to your knees... [more inside]
posted by xm on Dec 29, 2012 - 10 answers

let there be a way to recover my stolen data from the ethers

My stolen windows laptop was recovered, but everything on it is gone. Can I regain my documents and media? [more inside]
posted by KingoftheWhales on Dec 16, 2012 - 3 answers

How to help friends deal with daughter's death?

How can I help my friends whose daughter was killed in yesterday's school shootings? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 15, 2012 - 56 answers

No light at the end?

Have you ever not only been unable to see the light and the end of the tunnel, and don't care anymore if you do? [more inside]
posted by thelastgirl on Dec 11, 2012 - 20 answers

It sounds like my sister's twins aren't going to make it. Now what?

Family drama: what should we be doing? This was me. Last night, my pregnant-with-twins sister went to the ER with bleeding and what felt like early contractions. [more inside]
posted by kat518 on Dec 2, 2012 - 38 answers

Broken hearted for my friend.

I'm having a rough time dealing with the recent suicide of a dear friend; looking for some resources. [more inside]
posted by socky mcsockerton on Oct 29, 2012 - 14 answers

Help me find a therapist

I need a bus-accessible therapist/grief counselor in Austin, TX [more inside]
posted by petiteviolette on Aug 25, 2012 - 6 answers

How can I stop traumatic flashbacks linked to my pet's death?

My pet died suddenly. How can I stop traumatic flashbacks and focus on happy memories? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 1, 2012 - 26 answers

How to handle estranged father's funeral?

My estranged father passed away last Sunday. I've decided to attend the funeral. Please help me conduct myself with something resembling grace. Overly complex snowflakey stuff inside. [more inside]
posted by Ephelump Jockey on Jul 31, 2012 - 23 answers

How can she be gone when she was just here and I see her everywhere?

My mom died. Now what? (In the abstract, existential sense.) [more inside]
posted by ApathyGirl on Jul 31, 2012 - 28 answers

My mom has died, I will be ok, is it ok to know that?

My mom has died, I will be ok, is it ok to know that? [more inside]
posted by thelastgirl on Jul 16, 2012 - 47 answers

It has been two months since my beloved grandmother died. I still think about her every day. Is this normal?

It has been two months since my beloved grandmother died. I still think about her every day. Is this normal? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 27, 2012 - 40 answers

I want a time machine.

It's been 3 months since my boyfriend killed himself. Just doing the basics takes so much out of me. The first month was a blur and everyone thought I was doing "exceptionally well". My tendencies are always to be very private and keep to myself. The only person I used to share my emotions with is dead. I have family but haven't been close to them in a very long time and even before never felt safe or able to share my personal life with them. Everything is very much on the surface. They were very dismissive when I spoke to them years ago about my depression and anxiety. Initially they were texting me to see how I was doing but I wasn't very responsive. The few family members that I am close to are focusing on me "moving on". And I hate hearing those words. even though they mean well. I have very few friends and I met them as a result of my boyfriends death. [more inside]
posted by puppup on Jun 5, 2012 - 19 answers

There's no good way to deal with this situation, but surely there are better ones.

I had to back out of my childcare job in a not-entirely-graceful manner for an emergency last week. Could I have handled this better? How do I proceed now? How should I proceed if something similar were to happen in the future? Snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by ActionPopulated on Jun 4, 2012 - 15 answers

How do I stay sober?

How do you stay sober through difficult times? [more inside]
posted by thelastgirl on May 10, 2012 - 25 answers

My daughter is being diagnosed for autism and I need help dealing with this.

I've recently discovered that my daughter is, at least in some form, autistic. I'm having a little trouble coping with this revelation and I'm feeling a bit lost about how to go forward. [more inside]
posted by WinnipegDragon on Apr 23, 2012 - 32 answers

Seeking short Fables / Parables about love, relationships, death and loss of friends.

Seeking short Fables / Parables about love, relationships, death and loss of friends. [more inside]
posted by audio on Apr 8, 2012 - 5 answers

Psycho with grief.

I feel like I'm losing my mind from grief due to a broken heart. The people I have tried to trust since my break-up have let me down (except for my one true friend and my therapist but they can only help so much and they are kind of like Saints). I'm scared of my paranoia (big business is corrupt and it rules our country without scruples -- today I decided Verilli must have been drugged by the GOP to have so royally flubbed the Health Care oral arguments which may not be insane but if it's true it makes me want to die). What can I do for myself in NYC to not lose my mind and keep growing as a person? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 30, 2012 - 23 answers

Grieving for the living?

My sister cut herself off from me over a year ago, and I'm still hurting. Any advice over getting over this at last? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 27, 2012 - 17 answers

I am the worst daughter

I've achieved having an emotionally calm and pleasant daily life for myself, but I'm worried that once my mother passes, I'll forget the reality of our dynamic and feel like a horrible and evil daughter. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 18, 2012 - 22 answers

How to handle comments like "You look down..." or "Is everything ok?

How to handle comments like "You look down..." or "Is everything ok? [more inside]
posted by LeanGreen on Jan 9, 2012 - 20 answers

Remembering a recently lost loved one during the holidays

My brother died 7 months ago in an unexpected and tragic accident. This will be our first Christmas without him. What are some ideas for new traditions we can start to actively remember him and honor his memory? [more inside]
posted by isaypotato on Dec 18, 2011 - 29 answers

Fix my trigger temper?

Resolving temporary hyperarousal without resorting to anti-anxiety drugs? [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on Dec 14, 2011 - 38 answers

On the 1st day of Christmas my grandchild gave to me...

I am transitioning (ftm) and haven't told my extended family. My grandmother is extremely distraught by my mother's passing last year. We are seeing each other for the first time in 6 months at a holiday dinner this month. How do I balance my needs with her needs and minimize drama? [more inside]
posted by buteo on Dec 11, 2011 - 25 answers

I am losing everyone

TLDR: How can I keep from going off the deep end in light of repeated stressors over a compressed period of time? [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on Nov 16, 2011 - 17 answers

Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together.

How can you "fake it" or "power through it" or "put on a brave face" to make the holidays as normal as possible, when other people depend on it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 3, 2011 - 26 answers

feeling responsible for a friend's death

How do you deal with suicide when you feel (or are made to feel) partially responsible? [more inside]
posted by divabat on Oct 9, 2011 - 27 answers

Help me be a good friend to a grieving family in need, please.

A friend is about to pass away. Please help me be as supportive and helpful as possible for her husband and young daughter during the next few months. [more inside]
posted by zarq on Aug 23, 2011 - 26 answers

It wasn't really that nice knowing you...

How can I comfort the loved ones of a dying person I don't like? And the dying person themselves? Snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by katyggls on Aug 19, 2011 - 26 answers

How do I hold my friend's hand from across the country

One half of a couple I consider good friends (I was in a band with both of them and deeply fond of them) passed away unexpectedly and tragically this past weekend. I'm on the opposite coast of the US so I can't be there in person. I want to send something to his now-widowed wife, but flowers seems so useless - any care package ideas? [more inside]
posted by pazazygeek on Aug 16, 2011 - 14 answers

Resources on complicated grief

Where can I find resources on complicated grief, especially with regard to grieving something that never was? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2011 - 6 answers

support for boy whose mother died at childbirth

Does anyone know of a book or article that might be of help to a child and his family (he will soon be 12) whose mother died at childbirth. He is the nephew of a dear friend, the boy really values family and as he is maturing, realizes more and more, that each birthday also marks the anniversary date of his mothers' death. He is was adopted by a paternal aunt and is being raised in a loving family. If anyone has suggestions on how best to support the boy and his family, it is much appreciated. If anyone has first hand experience with this, your knowledge would be much appreciated. The issue is clearly much bigger than his birthday, but is there any way to help him emotionally to deal with this reality as he matures.
posted by jennstra on Jul 23, 2011 - 10 answers

How do I help myself move on from the years-past, but sudden loss of a loved one?

How do I help myself move on from the years-past, but sudden loss of a loved one, when it just doesn't seem to be getting better? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 26, 2011 - 10 answers

How do I help my pre-teen nephew understand his teen friend's suicide?

My 10 year old nephew just found out that his 15 year old friend committed suicide. What online resources can I send my sister to help him work through his feelings? [more inside]
posted by KathyK on Jun 24, 2011 - 13 answers

I am really sorry about your dad

My friend's father committed suicide a few years ago. Should I call her today? [more inside]
posted by jenlovesponies on Jun 19, 2011 - 17 answers

How do I deal with a DNA bombshell?

Some heavy shit went down this week and I've become the unwilling party to a new family secret. I want to tell one or two trusted family members because it affects them to a lesser degree. Can people with calmer heads and more perspective help me sort through this and figure out the best line to take? (Caution: longwinded) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 25, 2011 - 58 answers

Supporting a friend who may lose a pet

How to support and comfort a friend through the illness/loss of their pets? What helped you? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2011 - 19 answers

So much grief

Is there a grief groups in Silicon Valley, for men? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2011 - 6 answers

My beloved cat died. How can I integrate her collar into a memento?

My beloved cat died. How can I integrate her collar into a memento? [more inside]
posted by bristolcat on Apr 18, 2011 - 24 answers

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