248 posts tagged with grief.
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How to support my grieving mother when I'm grieving too?

My mother is not coping well with my grandmother's impending death. My mother and I have a complicated and not particularly close relationship, and her coping style is hitting a lot of nerves about the crappier aspects of my childhood and I'm finding it really difficult to support her while keeping my own head above water. Any advice or stories from people who can relate would be appreciated. Wall of snowflakes below the cut. [more inside]
posted by hotcoroner on May 2, 2016 - 1 answer

How to start caring again

He died and I'm feeling stuck. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 25, 2016 - 14 answers

In need of words of comfort in the face of godless loss.

I'm an atheist and need (short) words of comfort for my grief. Bulleted list, haiku, your own account in 100 words or less, real articles, books. I have Frankl. [more inside]
posted by cotton dress sock on Apr 24, 2016 - 29 answers

Grieving family from a distance

How do you do it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2016 - 10 answers

Resources for dealing with the loss of an alcoholic parent

My father is in end-stage liver failure due to alcoholism, and I'm having trouble finding good books/websites/forums/etc. for dealing with the emotional component of this situation. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2016 - 10 answers

You Are Not My Therapist, but... Grief: Am I Doin' It Right?

Hey, remember me? My family is still dead! It's two months later and I'm past the dead-eyed shock, numbness, and denial, and well into the "life is not worth living and I just want to stay in bed all day" portion of the rest of my life. Is it reasonable to give in to that urge, or should I be forcing myself to write and play the autoharp and generally Give A Crap? [more inside]
posted by missrachael on Mar 28, 2016 - 23 answers

I'm Too Old for This Shit - Life Catastrophe Edition

My marriage is unsatisfying and problematic, I am in treatment for breast cancer, and the affair that was taking my mind off of these problems seems to be slowly, painfully fading. I turn 40 in a few days and my entire life is a disaster. How on earth do I cope with all of this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 6, 2016 - 18 answers

Help me not be defined by my losses

I let the losses of loved ones, which I have experienced quite a lot over the years, define who I am and how I behave. I'm in therapy and working on it, but I'm looking for advice from people who fear losing others on how to deal with that ever-present shadow. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Mar 1, 2016 - 9 answers

Supporting a friend putting his cat down.

I've been supporting a friend with major mental health issues through finding out his cat was sick. It's been a rough ride for both of us and now he's finally decided that it's time to put her down later today. He's asked me to help him so I thought it would be a good idea of I knew what's going to happen and what kind of things people found helpful to them at this sad time. [more inside]
posted by kanata on Feb 28, 2016 - 26 answers

Growing up... figuratively, of course.

Have had some not-so-great previous years, some ongoing struggles, and more anticipated in coming years/decades. All of this has brought me face to face with my worst personality traits as well as given me a chance to work hard on the things I'd really like to change going forward and give myself a fresh start, so to speak. Is there a manual, road map or something for acquiring the most elusive of traits? Interested in anecdotes, from those in their late thirties and beyond, of personal journey in developing maturity. [more inside]
posted by xm on Feb 9, 2016 - 17 answers

Help me be as supportive as possible while pregnant and full of anxiety

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. Meanwhile, my sweetie's father is succumbing to cancer (so, by the way, is my stepmom, whom I love dearly). I'm interested in tips on how to cope with tough stuff like this while pregnant, how to both be supportive and get the support I need right now. [more inside]
posted by Lisitasan on Feb 5, 2016 - 11 answers

How do I handle communications with friends of my deceased father?

My father passed away quite suddenly in December 2014. Do I need to help all his close, personal friends through their grief while I'm still grieving myself? [more inside]
posted by nubianinthedesert on Feb 3, 2016 - 13 answers

Life keeps kicking me in the teeth. How do I stay resilient?

In the past five years, I've suffered a staggering number of losses, combined with generally stressful situations. I don't want to let it destroy me, but I feel like I'm running out of coping mechanisms. [more inside]
posted by missrachael on Jan 31, 2016 - 15 answers

Useful Guidance for An Unexpected Loss

I emailed my therapist for an appointment, and it bounced. When I googled her to see if contact info changed, the first link was her obit (Nov 2015). My therapist died. I just found out, and I am pretty wrecked. Thoughts? [more inside]
posted by j_curiouser on Jan 28, 2016 - 11 answers

What can I do for my friend whose father just passed away?

My best friend's dad just died last night. Fortunately, he flew in from NY to TX to be able to be by his side at the time of his death. He and his family are Chinese. What can I do from afar (I am in DC) to help / support him, and also to offer condolences in a more formal way? Send flowers? Food? [more inside]
posted by bengalibelle on Jan 22, 2016 - 14 answers

The thing that can't replace the thing

What small special experiences or things or brief travels might help in a grieving process (for someone who's already got great emotional and structural support)? [more inside]
posted by kalapierson on Jan 16, 2016 - 8 answers

How to make decisions while going through grief

Our sweet 7 year old kitty died yesterday after a fight with aggressive cancer. My spouse and I need to find ways to function. [more inside]
posted by roomthreeseventeen on Jan 7, 2016 - 12 answers

How to help a grieving elderly cat?

I just suddenly lost the younger of my two cats to an aggressive cancer. (The cat who just died is on the right, the survivor is on the left.) Aside from being heartbroken myself, I'm extremely worried about the other 14 year old cat. He and she were largely inseparable, and had been together 11 years. How do I help him in the short term and what would your best advice be about the long term? [more inside]
posted by frumiousb on Dec 19, 2015 - 12 answers

Deciding whether to resume contact with an estranged friend

My childhood best friend decided to marry her partner of 20 years five weeks after my former partner committed suicide. I attended the reception but it was very hard for me. I haven’t spoken to her since. Today I got a Christmas card from her mother, and it stirred up some feelings I haven't been able to reconcile yet. [more inside]
posted by cardinality on Dec 19, 2015 - 28 answers

Pet loss & grief... if you've been there, a few questions for you

It really sucks, doesn't it. [more inside]
posted by wannabecounselor on Nov 23, 2015 - 30 answers

Can this (common law) marriage be saved?

My partner (32, male) and I (31, female) have been having the worst year of our lives. We've been together for six years, but the last year has been one horrible thing after another. Our relationship is suffering and it's become difficult for us to spend time together without conflict. My partner has just about given up because he feels like all we do is fight. I think that our relationship is worth saving but I'm not sure what more we can do. How can we right what seems like a sinking ship? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 26, 2015 - 22 answers

What therapeutic approach is right for me?

I need some help in seeking a therapist. Not a recommendation to a specific therapist, but some insight into various approaches. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 6, 2015 - 10 answers

How to get through heartbreak that I still can't believe is happening?

The man I love & live with, who until five days ago was saying he loved me, broke up with me the day after we got home from a weekend trip. I was shocked and am feeling scared and helpless. Please give me some tips on how to get through this thing that feels unendurable, I know there are other heartbreak threads on Metafilter and I welcome links. I also welcome advice that will help me see a way through this. The above gets to the heart of it, but big, embarrassing Snowflake below. [more inside]
posted by adastra on Oct 1, 2015 - 36 answers

I know my counselor experienced a recent loss. What to do?

I saw on social media that my therapist's mother died on Saturday. However, she has confirmed our appointment for the day after tomorrow. I am quite sad about her loss. She doesn't know I look at her social media, and it is probably not appropriate to say anything about her personal life at any rate. How do I go to session two days from now and talk about my petty problems, knowing what she is going through? Is it inappropriate for me to be very upset about this loss in my therapist's life, that I'm not supposed to know about?
posted by anonymous on Sep 22, 2015 - 14 answers

Experience or advice welcome.

I will soon be accompanying a close friend to Dignitas where she will end her life (she has a virulent, newly diagnosed, Stage IV lung cancer). Has anyone here been to Dignitas in a similar role, or knows of anyone who has, and can comment on the experience? Long-time Mefite posting anon as assisted suicide is illegal in our country. Many thanks.
posted by anonymous on Sep 11, 2015 - 6 answers

How do I keep going?

The last year has been filled with brutal loss and now there's more. Please help me cope with lots of death and an emotionally stunted family. [more inside]
posted by stoneweaver on Sep 10, 2015 - 10 answers

Several losses all at once

A friend of mine decided they do not want to be friends any more. Because of additional circumstances, it has also meant losing a supportive community I'd been part of for a few years. I'm surprised by the intensity of my grief and finding it difficult to cope. I am looking for resources / books / personal accounts / tips to help me get through this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 2, 2015 - 14 answers

Happy or Sad

How do I deal with my unexpected strong feelings about my estranged father's death in light of my recent discovery that I am pregnant? [more inside]
posted by dissolvedgirl22 on Jul 27, 2015 - 19 answers

Memoirs and philosophical works on death, loss

Please recommended memoirs, philosophy, and/or classics on coping with death, the meaning of life, etc. [more inside]
posted by pumpkinlatte on Jul 14, 2015 - 23 answers

Avoiding (or Re-routing) the Sad Thoughts

In serious need of ways to keep myself from dwelling on recent bad news. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 6, 2015 - 17 answers

Memorial service for mom when we are just a few people attending.

My mom is in pallative care and may pass away shortly. I'm an only child and we have no blood relatives here. The service would be attended by my husband and two teen kids plus a couple of elderly neighbors and me. What funeral service ideas are there for such a small attendance? [more inside]
posted by Coffeetyme on Jun 30, 2015 - 11 answers

Friend dumped and still struggling

About a year and a half ago I confided in my then best friend my plans to do X (where X is a generally looked down upon behavior in our society but not illegal). [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on Jun 19, 2015 - 40 answers

My friend lost her baby. I'm pregnant. Should I go to the funeral?

A friend just lost her baby in the second trimester of pregnancy. She's invited me to the funeral. I want to go to support her. I cannot imagine the pain she's going through. But I'm 8 months pregnant and all is going fine. Would this be upsetting for her? [more inside]
posted by Pearl928 on Jun 9, 2015 - 28 answers

Family abandon me when I was at my lowest point. Should I cut them off?

My mother passed away last year of April and as a result I had a mental breakdown. I wasn't myself..I had overwhelming grief and I was in a deep depression. Mind you I was in a deep depression and calling out for help..my family abandon and basically treated me like a black sheep. [more inside]
posted by TheBronxGirl on May 21, 2015 - 31 answers

Aging, depressed parents in another country

A few years ago my parents, who immigrated to the US (where I was born and raised) moved back to their home country, which is in the Middle East. I'm still in the US. About a year and a half ago my only sibling died unexpectedly, causing all three of us untold amounts of grief. Now they're old, tired, and depressed in a distant country and I don't know what to do. What can I do to improve/feel better about this situation? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2015 - 6 answers

How to deal with complicated grief when logic isn't doing the trick?

I recently had a missed miscarriage of a very much wanted pregnancy at 12 weeks. I know logically there must have been a problem that most likely wasn't my fault, that statistically miscarriages happen in 10-20% of known pregnancies....all of that. But this isn't helping my heart - advice? [more inside]
posted by brambory on Apr 29, 2015 - 18 answers

When does this go away?

I've been separated from my husband for about 18 months. I'm with the person I left him for (that's the short version) and we're very happy. Except. I still miss my ex every day. I dream about him at least a few times a week. When does this stop? I would like to hear from those who have grieved a relationship and moved on. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Apr 25, 2015 - 22 answers

My student lost her battle with bipolar. (triggers ahead)

I'm a high school teacher at a small, therapeutic high school for teens with emotional disabilities. Three days ago, one of my kids suddenly and with no warning committed suicide at her home. Staff found out just as the kids were coming in. We quickly prepared how we would tell the kids, and the next three days were a blur of tears, shock, some hysteria; it was all horrific. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2015 - 24 answers

Parting ways with a childhood home

I'm having trouble letting go of my childhood home that I inherited, and the lifetime of stuff inside it. I could use some advice about how to move on. [more inside]
posted by Banknote of the year on Mar 24, 2015 - 28 answers

death of a grandparent

My father was just given a very bleak prognosis. Of all the things that are upsetting, I am most distraught by the thought that my toddler will not remember my father. I am pregnant and there is a chance that my son (due in June) will never even meet my dad. I'm looking for advice on how to manage my sadness about this. [more inside]
posted by avocado_of_merriment on Mar 24, 2015 - 26 answers

Help Me Stay Busy During Grief

My father died a few days ago. Everybody is telling me that it helps to stay busy. I would like to try that, but certain life circumstances make it difficult. More inside. [more inside]
posted by mermaidcafe on Mar 24, 2015 - 16 answers

Dealing with grief and stupid things people say

My grandmother passed away last week. The viewing and funeral have already been held. I am now trying to deal with people who mean well, but say some incredibly dumb things. What are some good tactics? [more inside]
posted by intheigloo on Mar 14, 2015 - 24 answers

Coping with Trauma and the Loss of a Pet

I’m having trouble dealing with something terrible I saw involving a neighbor’s dog. I feel weird since it wasn’t my dog or my trauma, but it took me back to the night my own pet died, and I just feel awful about everything and I don’t know how to cope (warning: general description of terrible dog death under the fold). [more inside]
posted by girl flaneur on Mar 10, 2015 - 15 answers

Dying of grief after euthanizing rabbit

I had to euthanize my rabbit of five years -- and my only pet -- very suddenly. How do I even begin to recover from this? [more inside]
posted by comewithallgoodthings on Jan 19, 2015 - 51 answers

We Need Words of Encouragement

On anxiety and medication for the modern man. [more inside]
posted by polly_dactyl on Jan 13, 2015 - 17 answers

Conversation stopper

How do i deal with my cousin's "magic conversation stopper?" [more inside]
posted by IndigoRain on Dec 24, 2014 - 35 answers

How to deal with not dealing with things well

I have had a long, difficult year, and I'm starting to crack. All year, I was dealing with things pretty well and now I'm not, and I can't stop beating myself up over losing my grip. [more inside]
posted by whodatninja on Dec 22, 2014 - 18 answers

Family Drama Filter: Help me distance myself from a parent

I've come to realize over the years that while I love my father, I am so different from him, and do not share his and his wife's (he is remarried) lifestyle and values and really wish I could come to accept it and completely distance myself from them. Please help me do this. [more inside]
posted by SanSebastien on Dec 21, 2014 - 7 answers

What should the future with my ex look like?

My husband cheated on me and left me after nearly two decades of a wonderful, loving, respectful marriage. The betrayal came out of nowhere, and involved emotional and on occasion physical abuse. I can't just go no contact, because we've got a daughter, we're financially entangled, and we will be for years. I am having trouble forging a new, post-marriage relationship with him because I'm deeply hurt, raw, angry, sad, and disoriented. I also can't picture what that relationship even looks like. And he has asked to spend all day on Christmas here at the house ... I don't know if I can handle it. [more inside]
posted by Capri on Dec 21, 2014 - 66 answers

Remembering the dead

I lost my husband this year, and my adult children lost their beloved father. I would like to start a tradition for remembrance this Christmas, at a meal or at gift opening. Ideally it should be short, meaningful, and accommodating of a wide range of beliefs, from atheist, to agnostic, to believer, to alternate religion. Any suggestions?
posted by francesca too on Dec 10, 2014 - 18 answers

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