Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with goals

The Best Way to Get Work Done

CollectiveMind — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 08:58:42 -0800

I have some ideas I want to bring to fruition. Is it best to focus on each one at a time until I either complete it or go as far as I can go with it? Or is it better to schedule my time so I work on each of them a little each day and move them all forward at once?

Screw Ivy League. What should i do?

freddymetz — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 18:42:27 -0800

Screw Ivy League. What should i do? Im currently spending a year doing social work in a developing country and the time has come to start applying to universities.

Ive been working on my ivy applications ever since i finished high school (in germany) half a year ago, but somehow I lost sight of my old goals and do not wish to study in these institutions anymore.

Ive also come to doubt the effectiveness of studying there whilst spending approximately 30000 dollars per year.

I also believe that i dont need to study at university to create and build up businesses, but i have enough common sense to at least have a plan B if it all goes wrong.

So where should i study?

Im looking for types of institution or names of instutions (country doesnt matter, it can be in mexico, usa or japan) i should be looking at if princeton, duke and co dont work out.
They shouldnt be too expensive either.

If anyone has been in a similar situation and has relevant advice to give, im all ears for that too!

thank you.

What really long lists can I put my name on now to thank myself later?

2legit2quit — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 08:31:24 -0800

Long Term Planning: I just submitted my name to the Packer season ticket waiting list, which is supposed to be 30 years long. I don't even live in Wisconsin, but life could take me anywhere in 30 years, and I like the feeling of knowing it might be an option one day. Are there any other lists or similar things I should do now? Please no general health or exercising advice.

How can I not be offended by my girlfriend's lack of enthusiasm?

DerangedGoblin — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:11:32 -0800

My SO has no passion and this turns me into an asshole. When I talk to her about things like finances or anything serious, she ignores me, and she doesn't know what she wants from life and has no wish to find out. She settles for what she has with no desire to improve anything. And the very very douche-y tone that I write that description in is a problem as well. I'm sorry this is very long. I suck at editing and couldn't justify any cutting. The short version is that I feel like my girlfriend has no ambition and I don't react fairly.

I live with my girlfriend. We both just dropped out of college. We both had an aha moment where we realized college was not right for us right now. No friends, high depression, my ADHD, her anxiety.

My year off will consist of me trying to become a writer. I'm looking into IRA's as well, and have applied for a credit card which I will use responsibly. I'm going to go deeper into Buddhism, and as money permits, I will travel. I spend time reading self-help, personal development, books about finances, independence, philosophy. My only other question on Ask MeFi was about a business I wanted to try. It failed. I've tried other things since and I tried other things before. My point is that I try my hardest to seize the day and live in the moment and accept whatever happens, no attachments, et cetera.

However...

My girlfriend draws horses in paint. I love her to death, I am not leaving her. I am, however, terrified that she will leave me. She draws horses in paint and plays a horse game online. She reads books about genetics. She gives each and every animal individual genetic codes when she plays zoo tycoon. She farms people in the Sims. She draws awesome. She writes awesome. She draws anime people really well. She talks about starting a webcomic. I say this to point out that she's not exactly your typical bum, but occasionally talking about one day doing a webcomic is the only thing she talks about in regard to having an actual future.

I want to travel, she thinks it's too much trouble. I want to move, she says it's too soon/far/different. I try to tell her to find a job doing something she likes, she says she can't think of anything she likes. She has no hobbies. She works a part time minimum wage job in an office. She hates it, but one day got recruited in helping an arts and crafts party for people with special needs. And she went on and on about how much she loved it afterward. But when I suggest she look into it as a job, she shrugs and says "I'd need a degree." "I don't think I'd like any job." "I don't like doing anything." "I'd hate it just as much."

She talks about not wanting to go to work ALL THE TIME. And I get mad. I yell because she won't quit. I think if she quit, the happiness would be worth the lower income. But she won't quit. She won't travel, she won't move, she won't look into doing anything artistic, she won't try writing, she won't look for a job with special needs. She does all these things for 10 minutes after I guilt trip her about it, and then she never speaks of it again.

I am an asshole. I understand that. I am going about this the wrong way. Yelling at her that I'm awesome and that she's not is not very effective. When I try just talking to her, she ignores me though. Mid-sentence she will show me something she's doing on the laptop. She can repeat what I'm saying, but I'm seldom actually convinced that this means she's listening.

I'm not leaving her because although this is a rather large issue in our relationship, it doesn't really change how I feel about her as a person. Either my reaction is justified in which case I want to know what we should do, or I am just being incredibly selfish in which case I want ideas on how to apologize meaningfully. Because I apologize a lot and it really has lost its meaning. Tell me how to not feel directly offended when she ignores my pleas to find and follow her passions, or tell me how much of a dick I'm being. Whichever I deserve.

Is having "it" together an unrealistic goal?

dumbledore69 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:44:47 -0800

As a 30-year old who is a part-time grad student and a full-time office worker, are my goals to get control over my life (weight loss, finances, home, work, etc) really unrealistic? Is there a way to just be NORMAL and balanced, or is it really just normal not to really have things together, even as an adult? I am a 30-year old woman, and while working through a number of issues (depression, anxiety, ADHD) I have come to realize that I am deeply unhappy with how I manage my life. I thought medication, which does help, was going to be a magic bullet somehow, but of course that was kind of a stupid assumption for me and I still have a lot of the same issues.

So...the things I am most unhappy about are:

1) My weight. I need to lose at least 80 lbs, but probably more like 100. My general physical health (blood pressure, cholesterol levels, etc) are fine, but I think I've got a genetic disposition towards diabetes and cancer, so I feel like my healthy days are numbered if I don't get things under control. Plus I'm endlessly depressed that I have to wear plus-sized clothing and get these awesome doses of extra low self esteem (to supplement my generally low self-esteem) every time I remember how fat I am because of pictures of me that suck or clothes that don't fit or things I can't do because of my weight. I know that I *can* lose weight, and I have (but regained most of it). Sometimes I get really into my weight, and when it's my top priority, I lose it. But then when I try to focus on something else important, I gain it back because I lose focus of whatever isn't my current pet project.

2) My house. Unless my obsession du jour is cleaning/organizing, I am a slob. When my house is clean, it's very very clean. And it makes me so happy to have it clean. I can't accept that I am a slob, because I feel so stressed when my house is messy, and I can't find things or have people over. I love being home when my house is clean, and I generally enjoy cleaning tasks, believe it or not.

3) My finances. I have also made good progress in paying off some of my credit card debt ... it was $17k, and now it's down to $11k. But I still feel like there are times when I'm really good about money and think before I purchase something and don't spend more than I have budgeted, and there are times when I am focused on other things and go crazy and spend what I want to (or feel that I need to) without regard for the big picture or the balance in my checking account. Some months I pay a large chunk of debt off, and some months I amass hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees because I was focused on something else (like losing weight ... in a weight-loss fueled time period, I'll spend a lot more on groceries and fitness gadgets and workout clothes and justify the spending because "I deserve whatever will help me lose this weight!"). I badly just want to pay off all this debt and be able to stick to my budget.

4) Work ... I get distracted at work, I am sure often because of my ADHD and some perfectionistic tendencies towards my larger projects (and resulting anxiety), but I also tend to get distracted by my current obsession (weight, organizing, cleaning, etc). I just want to be able to focus on WORK at work, all the time, or at least most of the time. And then when I leave work, I'd like to not think about it much anymore (within reason, at least). When I get into SUPER AWESOME WORKER ME mode, I tend to obsess, bringing work home, and just thinking about it all the time. And I might let other things slip because I'm so focused on making things as comfortable and easy as possible for me to do the best work I can.

5) Mood. Not sure if this belongs in this list, because I don't have a history of obsessing about this. But because of all the stress and frustration and all, I know I need to make taking care of my emotional health and mood a higher priority. My plans have been to set aside Sundays to do fun/relaxing things instead of errands / homework / chores, unless I absolutely have to. And making more time to just READ. And I know exercise and supplements will help, too, just like they will with weight.

In talking to both friends and a therapist, a common thread is that they think my expectations for myself are unrealistic and that I need to pick and choose priorities. My argument is that all of my expectations are vital and that I cannot drop any of them.

Also, it's not like I've never tried to focus on one or two goals at a time. I mean, I'm always trying to fix the things I am unhappy about, as I've mentioned above. At any given time, I feel obsessively focused on fixing one area of my life. And I do GREAT at it.

Like, last winter I was all about weight loss. I lost 40 lbs and 2 sizes in about 2-3 months by doing an hour of hard cardio a day, plus yoga twice a week, plus eating very regimented, pre-portioned Weight Watchers-pointed meals. I was a superstar, right until I simultaneously burned out on weight loss and panicked the hell out about something else I dropped the ball on, my finances.

I quickly got all psyched about fixing my budget, so I worked to correct the damage to my bank account caused during the weight loss bit (having spent a lot on assorted special diet foods and supplements, lots of workout clothes, etc), amassed and paid up any neglected bills, automated a lot of my bills, eliminating some expenses, and just doing a really good job there, and learning about finances a bit. It was great until it came time to maintain that. Then it was boring and I was off to the next thing.

It frustrates me so much, and the more I learn about ADHD the more it seems to make sense that I do this. I love the excitement of swooping in and making great plans and implementing them and getting stimulated over sparkling challenges and quick rewards.

But I can't live like this anymore. I just want to work on making some moderate changes to all of these parts of my life. Everyone keeps telling me to PICK something to focus on, and I'm scared of that. I think it's just going to land me right back where I always am ... obsessed with something until it's no fun anymore.

Can't I just be a NORMAL chick who is at a reasonable weight (I don't need to be really skinny, I just want to be in normal US Misses sizes!), who does work consistently, who keeps a reasonably neat house, and who can spend money and save money like a grown up? And who isn't a total basketcase all the time?

I just feel like what I want for myself isn't unrealistic, and that I just need to find a way to build moderate habits in all areas at once, building on them until I get close to my goals. But at the same time, it almost seems like having your shit together is an unreasonable expectation to everyone else.

So what do I do? Do I really have to drop some of my expectations? Or is there a way I can get closer to where I want to be?

25 and fabulous?

mittenbex — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 06:09:41 -0800

My 25th birthday is coming up and I've been brainstorming on some projects I can do this upcoming year that I can blog about. Help me come up with some brilliant ideas to keep my 25th year exciting and productive. I anticipate getting engaged in the next few months so I'm sure that will be taking up some of my time so I don't think I can undertake any HUGE projects. Nor hugely financially expansive ones. Also, I've lost about 50 lbs in the last 6 months so I've sort of checked that off my to-do list. (Only 10 or so lbs to go.)

I've been a member of 43things.com so am thinking along those lines. A like pre-kicking-the-bucket bucket list (though I guess you never know!) I just want to make this year an extremely awesome one. I anticipate having kids early after getting married so I want the flexibility to get some stuff done now.

Anybody have any suggestions for must-do awesome things?

I live on Long Island. But travel back to Michigan occasionally to visit family/friends so places in between are accessible to me.

Thanks.

Like a boss

Anonymous — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:47:51 -0800

The owner of the company I work for, has made me his special project. How do I cope with a boss who has taken a sudden interest in my professional and personal aspirations? The Backstory:
There have been ongoing issues between the employees and the employers of a small (<15 employees) company. These issues have been addressed numerous times by more than a few of the employees to the employers. Each time, the employers take these suggestions as a personal attack, and subordinate. Nothing has been resolved, and these issues have made it VERY hard for every department to do their tasks and serve the clients in the best way possible, as a result tensions are high. Somehow, I've been there 2 years. At this point, I am the only one at the company that does this particular job, I am a one person "department." I work hard.

The situation came to a head recently and I became rather upset. About 2 weeks ago, I said a couple things to an account manager that I should not have said. I am very ashamed and embarrassed that I let myself get to this point. It was unprofessional. I have since apologized to the manager and the situation itself has been resolved. The manager told the owner of the company about the outburst.

Since then, the owner of the company (we'll call him O) has decided to "get to know me better" and build a relationship with me that will "foster more communication." He was not there at the time of the outburst. As the company works, he is not directly involved with my day to day activities at the office. I have another boss/co-owner (B) who works closely with me and he is considered my direct boss.

B and I work together great, while O rarely shows up to the office. Up until now, O has shown little or no interest in my day to day work. I honestly have no idea what O does in the office, other than "own the business." B praises my efforts and has given me a lot of responsibilities and has raised me from entry level to a mid level position in the company. Only problem with B, is he thinks O hung the moon. O can do no wrong. Therefore, I can't talk to B about this at all. Also, B hasn't spoken with me about my outburst or O's new found interest in my life.

O is intensely religious, and very politically conservative. The sense of entitlement that this guy has, it's unbelievable. I'm not exaggerating, and clients have made comments to me about his behavior.

His sudden interest in me has included scheduling weekly meetings in which we discuss my "aspirations." He said I should be "honored" that he can take time out of his schedule to visit with me, as I'm important to him.

These meetings start in two weeks. I am to write down my personal and professional aspirations in 6 months, in 1 year, and in 5 years. My goal is to be out of this company in 6 months, but I can't exactly say that. I have bills to pay, I need to keep this job-- Until I find something better. If I don't do this, surely I am going to get fired.

I really just want to continue to show up at 8am, do my work well, serve the clients and go home 5pm. I have been at this company for 2 years and never once raised my voice.

Obviously, I'm searching for a new job but so far, I have no offers. I really love what I do, I just don't like where I do it. My career does not have very many openings in this area at all. Moving to another market is not an option at this time.

How can I express some professional goals and aspirations that I DON'T HAVE?! Should I just lie? Are there some generic goals that could somewhat appease him? How do I express that I do not want to share my personal life goals with him? How do I continue to cope until I find something else?

Questions can be directed to: suddeninterestmefi@gmail.com

Quitting the competition, while still running the race

Chrysalis — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 07:25:20 -0800

Help me get my focus back on my own life and happiness and stop comparing/competing with my ex in my own mind... and stop having how I compare with others as a condition to my happiness/self esteem in general... 3 months ago I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me, so I packed my bags the same day and moved back to my home town (I'd moved city to live with him, had been there a year) to try to rebuild my life. I've been doing a pretty good job of that, all things considered, and now have a great job, am studying and keeping busy with my sport, have reconnected with all my friends and have a pretty good social life, but I still find myself comparing or competing with him in the back of my mind... wondering whether I'm doing better or worse than he is (I cut off all contact so I don't know anything for certain and he doesn't know what I'm up to)... even though I know it doesn't matter and there's enough happiness to go around for both of us.

Due to the fact that he cheated on me with much prettier girls, my already shaky confidence in terms of attractiveness, has taken a bit of a beating, whereas he would have got a huge ego boost and being very handsome, charming and a seasoned player who knows what people want to hear, no doubt has more girls on tap. I've been getting some male attention which has been reassuring but somehow I feel like maybe I should be trying to be a player like he was, and compete with him on that level. Then I remember that I actually *don't* want to just have a whole bunch of meaningless encounters or dishonest relationships just to stroke my ego, I would at some point like to have a real, caring relationship, if indeed such a thing is a realistic expectation, and I certainly don't want to use or decieve anyone the way he did me. Sometimes I worry that maybe the fact that I want something different in terms of relationships to what he wants is some kind of deficiency and Mr Player knows something I don't.

We also compete in the same sport, him much more successfully than I, and I'm sure that would continue to be the case, and to be honest, that bothers me. I always put in 100% effort but he has more natural talent and experience. I hate that he was so awful and is living out my dream.

I know I need to go back to thinking in terms of "me" not "we" and just focus on my own life and have that be enough in and of itself, and that he is not the kind of person I should even want to be like, but there's always a little voice in my head when something good happens going "haha, take that, I win" and the opposite when something bad happens. And then, as in the above example, sometimes I want things I don't even want, just so that I can feel like I came out alright. I guess I have a bit of a fear that he's just more of a winner in life and I'm the loser who got played - I don't want to think like this!

I know I am a competitive person anyway, and I have always been guilty of comparing myself to others, to the detriment of my own happiness, but I want to change. I want to stop comparing myself to him, and to other people, and stop setting "being better/the best" as a precondition to my happiness/sense of self worth. I feel like I'm wasting my life away like this!

What are some things I can think about or do to help me live my life in the context of my own personal values/goals/dreams again and not keep having to compete to prove to him or myself that I am a great person?

Ready to retake control of my life.

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 05:34:19 -0800

How can I retake control of my life and achieve my hopes and dreams with a clean slate? I'm not sure really where to start, but I thought this would be the best place to get some advice from people that seem to be in touch with issues of everyday people. Apologies for the length, I have a lot on my mind.

I guess my main issue is I feel like I'm on the verge of a total meltdown. I have been trying to resolve feeling this way for a while, but I'm afraid if I don't let someone know it will be much harder to fix this in the future.
I'm apart of an organization where therapy and things of that nature is frowned upon, so I'm going to try and avoid it entirely.

Lately I have been in sort of a emotional slump. To most people I'm a very happy, carefree person, but inside I just don't have the will to accomplish things anymore. It has reached a point where I'm thinking about just giving up and settling in the situation that I'm in. I have big hopes and dreams to be successful, but my peers and environment don't really give me the motivation I need to pursue these aspirations. I'm constantly surrounded by people that are wasting so much potential and I have started to adapt these habits. I don't want to be this way and I feel like there is nobody around me to turn to.

Most of my "friends" are mainly focused on just partying and having a good time. Nobody wants to do anything and I feel like there is nobody to relate to. I currently live by myself and it doesn't help that I rarely hear from my parents like I used to. They used to be my main source of inspiration and motivation, but now it seems like they don't care. It feels like I don't have anyone to talk to, so I spend countless hours in my room doing absolutely nothing. I think I'm a very intelligent person, but lately I have just been procrastinating on everything that I know I need to accomplish, but I will find every excuse to avoid it. Especially if it involves my personal goals.

Deep down I want to be more productive and I want to be more content with my environment, but it is hard. I'm not happy with my current job, but the organization I'm apart of is vital to achieving these goals I have. Mainly, completing my degree, so I can't leave and do something else. Once I earn my degree I can move on to bigger and better things.

I just want to have some people in my life that can motivate me and just be there when I need someone to depend on. I'm the type of person that people come to when they need help, but when I need someone, there is nobody to be found. I can't keep pretending like everything is alright when I feel like my world is in shambles. I just want someone to genuinely care and not focus on my shortcomings. I don't think that is so much to ask for.

I just want some advice on ways I can get back to my normal self and take charge of my life and accomplish the things I set out to do. I know it may seem like I'm being lazy or complaining. I'm sorry, but I guess I really don't know what is wrong with me. I'm trapped in a place where I barely know anyone and I have had issues of abandonment in my past and it feels like history is repeating once more. Please, anyone just whatever advice or anything that can benefit me, I'm all ears.

I created an e-mail account for anyone that wants to discuss further. AskMeFi687 at Gmail.com. Thanks

Looking for a website to track daily water intake, fruit/veg eaten, mood, steps.

jrholt — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:32:23 -0800

Looking for a website to track daily water intake, fruit/veg eaten, mood, steps. I'm looking for a simple website to track the following health/nutrition things:

* How much water I drink each day.
* How many servings of fruit/vegetables I eat.
* My mood for the day
* How many steps I've taken
* How many hours I slept the night before

I don't need the complexity of calories or portion sizes. (i.e. I don't want to enter 50g of broccoli, but just that I've had one serving of vegetables.)

Something similar to Joe's Goals would work, but it doesn't really have the flexibility for things like mood or steps taken.

Any ideas?

How to Manage Multiple Goals?

PFL — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 13:37:26 -0800

How do I best manage my time in order to work on different areas of my life? I've been spending some time lately trying to work on a few different goals of mine. In short, I'm working on becoming a better guitar player & songwriter, I'm training for a marathon, and I'm also working on improving my social skills with people I don't know.

This is pretty time-consuming; I spend a lot of time running, playing music, and getting out of the house and talking to people. I just don't know how to best manage this. Part of me thinks I should work on a little bit of everything each day, but I also think it makes sense to dive into one of those goals one day, then another one the next day, etc. and just have one that I focus on each day.

What do mefites prefer?

Also, for the sake of this question, let's please assume that concentrating on one goal at a time is not an option. I want to find the best way to work on them all at once.

Oh yeah? Well, wishcraft THIS!

droplet — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 22:23:07 -0800

Why is the thought of making and writing down long-term personal goals *so* upsetting? My therapist suggested I take a Careers-type adult class, and I thought that wasn't a bad idea, so I did. All was going swimmingly until the session where the instructor talked about goals: making them, writing them down and getting to work on them. Suddenly I was livid. Not mildly upset, but livid at the prospect of having to do these things. I've never written down any goals in my entire life. I know I need to do so, break them down into small steps to achieve them, etc. I'd more likely than not be much better off in every conceivable area in my life than I am right now if I had some written goals and was committed and actually doing something each day towards achieving them. Then I read Wishcraft as assigned and I was in angry tears for a whole 45 minutes after reading one of the chapters. I know that I'll lead the same life I've led thus far if I don't do something to help myself, and part of that is creating and writing down some goals.

And yet some part of me doesn't want to do that. At all. The resistance is so strong, that when a discussion of written goal setting with target dates and calendars, making commitments, following through and getting down to taking my life seriously came up in my most recent therapy session, I threw a temper tantrum. I was shocked at how I was so angry, I wanted to break things (but didn't; I beat my fists into the pillow on the sofa). I don't like the way my life is going and I don't believe that the world owes me anything, either, so I don't get why I'm so resistant and why I feel such raw vehemence at having to make any effort at taking positive actions for myself.

How do I help myself here? A therapist can only do or say so much.

What should I do with myself?

Anonymous — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:55:20 -0800

What to do with myself? I am one year out of undergrad, and struggling with severe depression that has forced me to quit my job and move back in with my parents while I am treated. The job I was working at was a very high-stress, competitive job in finance, and it likely contributed to my depression. I am not sure if I will return to the same career field when I am able.

So, basically, right now I am living at home, depressed, and doing nothing all day except seeing my therapist and waiting for the antidepressants to kick in. I am going to try to do the standard depression recommendations like getting some sunshine, exercise, etc. but honestly it's a bit difficult because I'm also dealing with some OCD-type compulsions that keep me in the house for now, although of course I'm working on that as well. It's so bizarre writing this because 2-3 years ago I was a perfectly "normal", happy, overachieving college student and things have gone downhill so fast...

Anyways, my complete lack of goals for the future is one of the things that I am sure is contributing to my depression, as well as uncertainty about what I will do with my life when I get better, if I decide that I don't want to return to finance. I think the best way to counter this is to choose something to work towards, and force myself to do it. I'm thinking a graduate or professional degree, or possibly self-study if it would potentially lead to career options. My problem is that I'm pretty unmotivated right now, and as a result I have no string feelings as to what I "want" to do. So I ask you, fellow mefites, what should I study or do? I have a 4-year degree from a good college with good grades, and I do well on standardized tests. Nothing is off the table, and I am willing to try something completely new. My degree is in the sciences with a double major in history, and I have econ/finance training from my investment banking career. But please do not limit your answers to these fields - I am completely open to anything, Thanks so much for any advice.

help teach an old bag some new tricks

lonefrontranger — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 22:14:50 -0800

So I'm 40, what next? Today's my 40th, christ I'm old! Of course back when I was your average gothy teen, I figured my life would end like some Cure video, and never even guessed I'd BE this old, much less be motivated to do stuff and try new things at my (yeah, okay, admittedly not that advanced) age.

Please suggest some awesome goals to keep me looking forward. It could be just about anything, I'm open to ideas. For you young whippersnappers, what do you think is excellent and inspiring that your parents do? Those of you in the same boat as me, what keeps you on your toes? Older generations: What do you wish you had begun, or better yet, still hope to accomplish?

I know this is sort of open ended but I'd rather not limit it by setting too many parameters. I just remember turning 30 and having this weird "oh god what now?" sort of thing going on in my head. Patently absurd, yes, I know, age is just a number, the calendar is arbitrary, what's so different about 40 that's not different about 39, bla, bla, bla, yes, I get it, but I'd also like to see if I can head off the angst trip this go round.

minor details: I am female, no kids, no plans for kids. I ride bikes (a lot, and race regularly, don't even own a car). I never went to college tho I have recently attended a couple night classes just to get the ball rolling. I have a day job and a long commute (bus) that I should probably take advantage of somehow, beyond reading trashy sci-fi and fantasy novels, that is. I am also kind of a nerd dilettante, meaning I enjoy stuff like geology / natural sciences and pore over CNET and gadget gear, tho I've very little clue how it all actually works.

I'm not much into the old growing-old-gracefully thing, either, since I tend to do stupid shit like crash my fixed gear on icy streets, and I officially have more scars and broken bones than both my neighbour's teenage skater kids put together (we counted).

Have at it!

Web-based chore tracker for multiple people

logic vs love — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:05:07 -0800

Are there any online goal or chore trackers that can be used by more than one person? I'm looking for a web-based app that allows my boyfriend and I to keep track of who does what when it comes to chores and various other goals. Joe's Goals would be perfect if it allowed multiple users to work together. I'd like something shiny and simple, instead of just a google spreadsheet, if at all possible.

How do I quit quitting?

acidic — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:34:03 -0800

I am a serial quitter. How can I quit this bad habit? For the last 4-5 years, I've fallen in to a cycle of quitting. Activities, classes, jobs, fitness, relationships-- I quit them all, or have to constantly fight the desire to quit (which means underperformance at school or work). I'm a generally smart and successful person, so I do well in many things, but at the first sign of potential failure, boredom, or second-guessing has me bolting for the next thing to do.

Surely, some level of quitting is fine, especially as a young person trying out new things, but it's gotten to the point of inevitability. I've developed a reputation of being a flake, which upsets me greatly. I guess this is a two-part question:
1) How do I make better decisions to realize and satisfy my long-term goals, rather than appeasing my short-term gut feelings, which are almost always fleeting?
2) When faced with difficult or monotonous situations, which I really shouldn't quit, how do I stop myself from quitting?

Any books, inspirational things, or other advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm stuck in beta

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:41:02 -0800

I have spent years reading self-help books, productivity blogs, self-help productivity blogs. I’ve found some treasured information and they have probably helped me in more ways than I’m conscious of, but… What now? I mean, how does one apply all this info? I get to the implementation stage, and I freeze because I can’t remember which question I need to ask to get an authentic answer, how to break it down into manageable steps, which bucket it should go into, which three steps I take to counter my negative thought, etc etc. And then I get distracted by a new Steve Pavlina entry on my RSS reader. Lather, rinse, repeat. It’s very frustrating.

I’ve gone through several of those major life-changing events in the past 6 months or so: death of a parent (which, while unexpected and very, very sad, has been the catalyst for a rediscovery of appreciation in my life and is part of what’s pushing me to try to “live fully”), new job. Blah.

My motivation feels all shot to hell, and I feel like I’m just doing what I need to do to get by. I worry that life is passing me by. I know these major life-changing events are certainly having an impact there, but I just don’t know what to do, how to move forward without cheating myself out of healing time, knowing when to move forward.

And, I’ve started to wonder: what’s my goal anyway? What does the super-productive, creative, self-assured me look like? I feel like I’m being bombarded with different versions of the ideal every single day, and I don’t know what to choose.

How to climb out of severe depression?

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:05:47 -0800

How to climb out of severe depression? I am severely depressed, to the point where I've been forced to leave my job and move back in with family members. I am seeing a therapist and am on medication, but so far have experienced few positive results. I basically am completely unmotivated to do anything but surf the internet, watch TV, and exercise. I've gone from being a successful young professional to doing essentially nothing, all day, every day. This feeling of "doing nothing" worsens the depression, and I'm thinking that achieving some simple goals might help by giving me some small feeling of accomplishment, which might improve my depression. What are some simple goals that I can set or simple projects to attempt so that I can feel like I am doing something? Preferably things that don't require leaving home, because I'm also dealing with social anxiety, but anything is welcome. Also welcome are alternative suggestions for dealing with the depression, besides the standard "exercise" or "get outside". Thanks so much.

Srsly, I can't be arsed.

droplet — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 10:54:04 -0800

How to encourage myself to put forth the effort to actually live a life? I'm living as a physically and intellectually mature 3-year old.

I have a job. I sleep. I eat. I read. I bathe and brush my teeth twice a day. But for things I claim that I really want to do, such as have good friends, become fit, be in a romantic relationship, make films / comedy, live in London, sing in a band (even for fun), invest in real savings for my future and not merely some sluggish 401k, I don't make any effort to meet any goal. I don't make goals, rather. 99% of what I have in my life right now didn't take much effort to get. The only things I've actually worked hard on for my own benefit was physically escaping my abusers at 18 and getting an internship my junior year of uni. For the life of me, I can't remember how it felt to want those two things so badly that I did what I had to do. With regard to the abuse, I claim to want to get over what happened, but only just figured out that I've shut down all real communication with my therapist and have used my 40 minutes every week to harangue the people who hurt me. I have to force myself to go to therapy! I don't even make an effort to do the things I claim to enjoy, like music or movies or cooking or travel. I've taken classes in things, but stopped when they required real commitment, emotional or otherwise. I could say that about my relationships as well. I have a job. I sleep. I eat. I read.

What's frightening me is that deep down, it feels like a large part of me doesn't want to do anything, even something as simple as doing the laundry. Some of these things I do, but there's no sense of, "It has to be done to get what you want and that's OK." I get upset that I actually have to clean my apartment or do laundry. It's been this way at least since 5th grade. I don't want to work, even at the job that's currently paying my bills. I don't want to talk to people and find it a hassle to have to return phone calls and emails, so never mind true intimacy with a friend or partner - that's too much work. I don't want to try. Yet, I'm angry at myself for sitting around on my ass just reading , just eating, envying Bob Odenkirk or the woman at my job who's happily married to a nice man. I'm angry at myself for the little kid inside who's all, "DON'T WANNA! GIMME!", while knowing logically that the world owes me nothing, nothing will be handed to me and that no one is truly going to care about me except me, and no one's going to give a damn anyway if I don't.

In looking to be honest with myself, I've been asking: Is my current routine all I truly want or am capable of? Why am I unwilling to accept risk? Why won't I challenge myself? Why am I unwilling to do the work it takes to make my life better? Am I one of life's cowards? If so, can I learn to make peace with this? I feel frozen, and the answers haven't been forthcoming.

I want to know if any MeFites have gone through this issue and what they've done about it.

How can my dreams of being a baseball player come back?

stedman15 — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:29:24 -0800

I need help finding goals and dreams for my life I don't have any goals or dreams for my life. I used to when I was a child, but I just can't come up with anything I can do as far as work or pleasure that would truly make me happy.

I work 40 hours a week, but my work doesn't excite me. After going home, I hang out with my roommate.

I know I should do something more. When I think about what I'd rather be doing, my mind goes blank. I feel like I've become so bogged down in practicality that I've lost the ability to have hopes and aspirations.I just don't know how to go about it.

I want to be able to dream big dreams, and find out what truly makes me happy.

How can I do this?

How do you motivate yourself and handle obstacles?

philad — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 18:59:04 -0800

What is holding you back from doing the things you want to do? And if you were able to accomplish something special how did you do it? Thinking about the next year and turning 40. Would like to set some goals (play adult league soccer, learn capoeira, etc). Saw online today someone who writes out his list of goals and then mails it to himself but doesn't open it until the end of year at which point he'll open it and assess how much he accomplished.

Hook a nook to look at books!

sprocket87 — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 10:25:54 -0800

Need suggestions for an online collaboration tool for managing a reading list between friends. A friend and I are starting a joint reading list for 2008. We're each picking a number of books across different genres and styles. We're trying to branch out, and we're hoping we can help motivate each other to read more. We'd like to discuss and review what we're reading as well.

This is an online (not local) friend, so we won't be meeting at coffeeshops, etc. So I'd like to figure out the best way to discuss and review our list online. I want to find a central place to go online for us to collaborate on our efforts and discuss them.

This is sort of open-ended, I'm just taking suggestions on how you'd do this. I know there is a nice LiveJournal group for readers (50bookchallenge), but I don't know that LJ is the best way to go about this. For that matter, his work firewall blocks LJ so he couldn't keep tabs during the day.

Ideas that would be nice to incorporate:
- Online calendar/schedule outlining what to read when
- Update total pages read
- Update total books read
- Comment on sections/chapters/books (discussion)
- Rate books

As of now it's just the two of us but there's a chance this could grow if a few more friends want to join up, so whatever solution we come up with needs to be somewhat flexible to allow for more users (an email chain, for example, is not optimal).

I have hosted webspace so adding some sort of CMS/hosted app is not out of the question, if it matters.

So yeah... with all the forums, blogs, CMS, and social networks out there, I figure there's gotta be something that will fill this niche. I'm open to any and all suggestions, not only to what type(s) of services to use but if you have any ideas about how to make this project even more fun.

I'm schizophrenic and need ideas on how to train myself to be active and able to work toward my goals.

hypervenom — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 16:48:40 -0800

I'm schizophrenic and need ideas on how to train myself to be active and able to work toward my goals. I was in college and had a psychotic break which revealed that while I do have severe anxiety, it's only a part of the schizophrenia.

I have a huge posterboard on my wall with a calendar which I mark every day so that I at least know what day it is, and my precise goals. I would like to start working on a "next action" list so I can see the baby steps on the way to acheiving these goals.

(the goals are basically to train myself to keep on top of tasks instead of getting overwhelmed and having to quit, and eventually achieve financial independence)

Have any of you tried something like this in the past? I am very motivated, but I get stuck sometimes. Any suggestions even remotely related to Getting Things Done are needed.

Reinventing and/or planning for the future at milepost 60, suggestions?

KneeDeep — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 15:58:30 -0800

Reinventing and/or planning for the future at milepost 60, suggestions? A friend will soon be turning 60. I would like to give him or suggest the tools whereby he can explore his goals, values, character, and so forth and chart his next 20 years. My friend is relatively healthy, mobile, bright and inquisitive. Books and web materials are what I had in mind. Thanks.

Question: How is it possible to enjoy the moment while staying goal-oriented

gregb1007 — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:46:35 -0800

Question: How is it possible to enjoy the moment while staying goal-oriented As a person who likes being goal-oriented, I naturally compare what I am doing now and how would I like it to be different in the future. I think it's a good thing too because it stimulates me to think about new approaches, changes, etc.. etc..

However, while I recognize the value of "looking forward," being goal-oriented can sometimes make what I presently do seem lackluster in comparison with what I am aiming for. So, my question basically boils down..

How do you recognize a present moment as a stepping-stone, something imperfect that will have to be changed, while still enjoying that moment and feeling good about it? (Analysis of imperfections is important and wonderful for thinking about future changes, but can damper the pleasure of being in the moment and enjoying it.)