Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with gifted

He's a special snowflake and I'm gray sludge

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:23:53 -0800

My partner is way, way smarter than me and basically never had to put in any effort to learn difficult material. I admire him for this, but I'm also incredibly jealous. I want to be a genius too. How do I deal? I took a course through a community college (anatomy and physiology) this semester that I had to work so hard to ace. I went to a good university, earned my BA, and am enrolling in a postbac premed program next fall. It's going to be tough and I'm going to have to work super hard. The anatomy course I'm taking is just to get myself back in study mode for the postbac program and I'm putting a ton of time and effort into it.

When my partner saw my final exam (which I studied a TON for and aced only because I studied for four days straight) he was able to pick out the right answers from the short answer without having to use more than his general knowledge and vague recollections from the high school courses he took more than 15 years ago.

I know that I studied and put in a lot of effort because I was nervous not to know the material thoroughly, and I know I'm not as intelligent as he is (he aced the GREs by studying a sum total of 20 minutes while most people I know put in at least four weeks of intensive work). I'm also prone to worrying that I'm stupid and incapable. I'm very used to modeling myself after my older sister, who worked really hard (studying non-stop) to do well on the MCATs and in school, and I'm with someone who puts in minimal effort to do things the rest of us have to put intensive effort into.

I never compared myself to him before and I'm ashamed I'm starting now, when there really is no comparison at all. I'm afraid it's going to ruin my motivation. How do I accept that he's just extremely intelligent and I'm just average and have to work very hard, and be okay with it?

Help me help my teacher help my kid!

Anonymous — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 12:02:12 -0800

My 4th grader is in her first year of a program for gifted children. It is a competitive program, at a school outside our district, and acceptance was based on advanced language, reading, writing, and "liberal arts" ability. I thought my daughter's gifts -- all of which match the description above -- would be nurtured here. But I have been dismayed to realize that all her teacher cares about is that her desk is messy and her handwriting isn't neat enough. My child has sensory issues that do in fact make it harder for her to keep her things organized. But how can I talk to the teacher about focusing more on her gifts -- which is supposed to be the mission of this program? (Sorry, this is long.) Early in the year, I had a special meeting with the teacher, who had been complaining about my kid's messy desk and general problems with organization (forgetting things, writing things in the wrong notebook, etc.) I explained about "Janey's" sensory integration issues and how these do make it harder to be organized BUT I stressed my support for the teacher -- I know it's hard to deal with messiness in the classroom with 25 kids, AND I know it's important for Janey to improve her basic organizing skills. I said I would do anything to help Janey get organized. I also requested that the school send in the Occupational Therapist to observe my daughter and see if she qualifies for services (an IEP). So far that hasn't yet happened, though I've twice reminded the principal.

On the application for this program, we were asked about the child's creativity, originality, intellectual drive, etc. No one asked if she had a messy desk or messy handwriting. But literally, that is ALL Janey is hearing about from the teacher. When she writes for school, the papers come back only with the handwriting criticized -- even though her handwriting has improved a lot and I see her working so hard at being legible. (For example, on a spelling test, all the "fs" were circled in red because the horizontal line did not *completely* bisect the vertical line; the teacher graded the whole paper down because it looked like a capital F in the wrong place. I have also seen very little actual writing being assigned, and none commented on -- mostly just spelling and handwriting -- even though it is supposed to be a program that specializes in advanced liberal arts.) On open house night, I saw a poem Janey had written on the wall of the classroom (along with all the kids' poems). It had sophisticated humor, a sustained narrative and the most complex meter in the class. But the only praise I heard was that that the janitor was happy that Janey's desk had been cleaned up last week. When I pointed out how good the poem was, the teacher said the class liked the fact that Janey had set it to a tune, and then the teacher just said all the kids' poems were good. This is the closest to praise that I have heard for any actual content of her work (and I feel I dragged it out of her). My daughter feels the teacher is making her seem "different" to the other kids, saying things like "Jane's desk is messy, she has to stay behind but the rest of you can go," etc.

I am really upset, because at least in the past, she's had teachers who delighted in her unique way of seeing and her huge enthusiasm for ideas. It is ironic that here, in a special ed for the gifted, her very real gifts are totally being ignored and she is just being made to feel like she gives the teacher extra work (because, for example, she put her backpack in the place of the closet where lunch boxes go, or has trouble being slow gathering up her books to move to math class in another part of the building). Really, *nothing* about Janey's true abilities seem encouraged or appreciated. The teacher has been a beloved teacher for 25 years, but this is only her second year teaching in the gifted program. She calls herself a "domestic goddess" to the class, so I get that messiness drives her nuts. When I talked to her early in the semester, she seemed to really want to work with my daughter to help her succeed, but she doesn't seem get this kind of gifted, quirky kid (who is the daughter of a domestic un-goddess). She just called my kid a "handful" and then raved to me about my Janey's friend in the class, who is methodical and neat as well as quite conventionally smart. I do understand that it feels like a handful to have a disorganized kid slowing things down (she is certainly not in any other way a behavior problem.) But I see my child's self-esteem about her real abilities plummeting, and this is precisely what I did NOT expect when we applied to the gifted program. It's frankly breaking my heart.

Here is the question. Please help me think of a way to talk to this teacher so that my daughter's strengths might be brought to the fore -- not just her weaknesses. Again, I am not trying to get the teacher to overlook a messy desk or an improperly crossed F, and I agree that my kid should work on these things, but I want the teacher at least to FOCUS on the gifts, which are ostensibly the raison d'etre of the program to begin with. How can I approach her so that she does not feel attacked and take it out more on Janey?

Any advice, especially from teachers, is very, very appreciated. This is in a large university town in the midwest, which doesn't have a regular gifted and talented program -- just this special program, which is hard to be accepted to, and where many professors (like me) send their children.

He's the Next Tiger Woods.

Fairchild — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:48:02 -0800

How are American parenting practices unique? How are the parenting practices of Americans unique regarding the success of their children?

I know every family is unique but I'm looking for generalizations.

Do Europeans "groom" their kids like some American parents do? Is there an overemphasis on their children's resumes like there is in the USA? Are kids in other parts of the developed world taking test-prep courses and music lessons and being labeled as gifted at the same rate?

As an American parent I notice that many parents are hyperfocused on their kids' future and present abilities. We seem to worry a lot about how talented our kids are. Many are preoccupied with giving their children a "cutting edge".

Do other cultures invest this much time and energy in their kids academic and athletic success? What are the differences and attitudes?

I'm curious about these differences because I'm always seeking balance when it comes to parenting. I feel like I am a relaxed parent but admit to occasionally feeling competition and believing I should have "above-average" children.

Thanks.

What's the best school around Edwards AFB for a gifted, special needs third grader?

Cricket — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:05:15 -0800

I need advice on elementary schools on, near, and around Edwards AFB. This summer, my family will be PCSing from Eielson AFB, AK, to Edwards AFB, CA. We're trying to look at all the possibilities so we'll have an idea where to find housing, but the most important factor is the schools.

I have an eight year old, rising third grader, with special needs - he is both profoundly gifted and struggling with severe impulse control disorder (NOS) and depression. We need a school environment in which he will be challenged, but at which teachers will work with him to achieve and understand that he has some behavioral difficulties. His teachers and therapist here are trying to work with me, but none of us has enough familiarity with the options in the area to do more than help solidify what we need to look for. In short, we have no idea how to find it.

A charter, magnet, or experimental school might be best. The psychologist recommends looking into private programs; as strapped as California is, there is some concern that my son will fall through the cracks or be pushed aside as the state and its schools try to make ends meet. Money is an issue for us, but we'll make what sacrifices we need to if it means we can enroll him in a program that will be good for him. If there are scholarships or financial aid available, that would also be a plus.

We need to live within an hour's drive of Edwards AFB, and I'd prefer that the school not be more than another half hour in the opposite direction if at all possible.

Is anyone familiar with the schools in the area? Is there anything there that will help us?

Unfortunately the problem is the title, so nothing original here.

aetg — Mon, 04 May 2009 18:31:27 -0800

I'm looking for a catchy theme for our Summer Enrichment group. I'm organizing a Summer Enrichment class for 10-12 students in 5th through 8th grade. Since this is enrichment rather than summer school students will not be required to come, but rather lured into the program. I am looking for a creative and fun theme/name for the program that doesn't sound like school, enrichment, or worksheets.

For background, the kids will be making a mural for part of the school, building their own personal computer, learning instruments in the music group, and participating in a drama club. They will do each of these things for one week over a month. They will also be going on at least four field trips.

Further background, our school is located in Chicago and the students are primarily for African-American descent (if you want to include something of that culture in the title).

I am specifically looking for a name for the group, but any other marketing tools would also be considered helpful.

I want to find Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters

MrMulan — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:24:27 -0800

Is there anything in real life like Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, formerly Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters minus the mutants? I am not talking about international schools where expats, and diplomats' kids go, but a school(K-12) or institution that accepts bright/gifted kids from around the world.

I just want more information for my own knowledge if one or more exists.

If the answer is no, then why wouldn't something like this work?
Have a boarding school for gifted children, where the kids' come from all over the world, preferably from impoverished areas. The parents, and governments would agree to allow the child to study and board there.
Parents could request the child be sent back at any time. The school would provide airfare and lodgings for the parents 1 or 2 times a year. School would be mostly year round.

I have been thinking about this on and off for over 20 years while drunk, sober, sleeping, driving, ect.. and presently have it stuck in my head everytime I hear about Madonna and the baby adoption thing.

Please no chatfilter answers on why it should or shouldn't be done. Just, Has it been done? If not, can it be done? How or why not?

What ever happened to '80s gifted kids?

Kirklander — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:22:31 -0800

Have there been any recent studies of the long-term effect of 1980s gifted education on kids who are now in their 30s and 40s I've had a hard time finding anything on this. Ever since I found a website about the 1984 "Olympics of the Mind," I have been fascinated by the way the gifted ed program in the suburbs flattered us 6th graders into thinking we were pre-approved for success as astronauts, computer inventors and geniuses; the way we would be pulled out of boring regular classes on the assumption that our minds would be better put to use doing stuff like pretending to be in Camelot; the seemingly high ratio of "gifted and talented" stars from my grade school years who have ended up crashing and burning as they have tried to make the transition into adulthood; and I wonder how the philosophy of gifted ed has changed for kids in school today.

Can anyone point me to any interesting writing in the last few years about this, particularly work on how '80s gifted education panned out for today's adults?

How to start a gifted program?

pearlybob — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 06:53:27 -0800

How do I get a GOOD gifted/enrichment program started at my child's school? My daughter goes to a brand new, private school that takes achievement very seriously. They have only been opened since August 2007 so some of the programs are not in place yet. I would like to help get the ball rolling on a (I hate to use the term but for lack of a better one) gifted program. I have read the previous threads and gotten some great info but I'd like to see if anyone has any specifics about ways to get a program going and make it successful. What are some great things about programs that you are familiar with? What worked and what didn't? Any resources (published or online) that you could recommend? Any other tips? Thanks in advance!

Just like dooce.com, but with autism?

pootler — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:24:19 -0800

Which irreverent, funny parenting blogs have extra added autism? My 4 year old recently got a diagnosis of (very) high IQ and autism and I'm looking for stories from people in a similar position.

Type 'autism blog' into google and you get plenty of hits. But I'm looking for really good blogs from parents who are dealing with young kids wih autism.

I've been reading Dooce and Schuyler's Monster for 5 years and they have helped keep me sane when dealing with a my 'special' kid. :-) I love their humour and their refusal to pretend that children are perfect little gifts or that being a parent is not anything but a joy. The Poo Bomb was the best medicine for us too, when the kid was a horrible, dificult, terrible baby.

We deal with a lot of the same stuff that Leta and Schuyler's parents deal with, but they don't have autism. I know it would do us all good to read a blog by someone who is in the same place we are. Who should we be reading?

Help for parents of gifted kid

rikschell — Fri, 09 May 2008 11:08:50 -0800

What are some good resources for raising a gifted child? Google will pull up all kinds of things, but I'd love a recommendation for stuff more weighted toward parents who want their kids to be able to enjoy childhood and away from the more competitive stuff. I don't want to judge anyone else's parenting choices, but we want to feed our son's interests without trying to turn him into the next Einstein. We just got through some assessments, and are trying to figure out what to do next. I'm sure I'll have more specific questions later, but any online communities or background reading you can point me to would be awesome!

Workbooks for a Gifted 7-year-old?

LarryC — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 20:40:22 -0800

Help me choose some work books for my very bright first grader. So as I was putting Wonderboy to bed tonight he got all excited with a new idea. He wants me to give him "lists of problems" to solve with "something I get to keep" when he completes them. Sounds like a plan.

So can anyone recommend work books or problem books for a very bright seven-year-old? My boy is reading three or four grade levels past his age. He loves math, dinosaurs, Yu-Gi-Oh and stuff like that, and science. He has moderate problems with his temper. We used to get him those cheap homework books you see in stores but they never seemed that good to me. I want work books that emphasizes creative thinking, history, and progressive ideas.

Gifted toddlers

acoutu — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 23:46:17 -0800

Resources for parenting gifted toddlers and pre-schoolers. Several people -- ranging from former teachers to complete stranges -- have suggested my son may be gifted. I'm interested in books and resources on parenting gifted children during the toddler and pre-school years.

(I recognize that my son may not actually be gifted, but I'd still like to read up on the subject, just in case.) Thanks in advance.

Birthday Gift Ideas for 9 Year Old Gifted (Boy) Child?

dgeiser13 — Wed, 06 Jul 2005 09:29:59 -0800

Birthday Gift Ideas for 9 Year Old Gifted (Boy) Child? My nephew is currently 8 (going to be 9) in 1 week. Curently he excels in Math, Reading and Writing, i.e. a couple of years ahead of his age. In the past I've gotten him Juvenile Science Fiction books, math-related books (The Number Devil) and Nintendo Gamecube Games. I could do something along those lines again but I thought maybe I could get him something a little different. I've been looking at construction type toys and also more practical things like a Telescope or Microscope. I'd live to keep it relatively cheap, i.e. less than $50. Any ideas?

Could someone kick 75 yard field goals with a 10% success rate?

Kwantsar — Sun, 26 Dec 2004 21:25:51 -0800

Does there exist a suitably gifted living individual (in the entire, bitchen world) who could kick 75-yard field goals successfully on ten percent of his attempts? Please note that an assessment of the kicker's worthiness for any other pursuit, or a discussion of the utility of such a person, is irrelevant to my question.