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Help me choose a gift for a hard to buy for female friend.

t0astie — Sun, 31 May 2009 06:46:00 -0800

I want to buy a small cheering, comforting, gift for a friend who has recently endured financial troubles, a relationship breakup, the start of a new job and an interstate move - and moved back in with her parents. But we have very different tastes and I'm at a bit of a loss as to what, exactly, I might get her. She's had a really rough time and while things are looking up, she's still quite sad a lot. She's the epitome of a good egg - a really decent chick - and I'd like to send her something that will provide a little comfort and good cheer. We know each other through work and are good friends, but not best friends.

The sticking point is, everything I think of as a nice gift, I know she wouldn't like! She doesn't drink tea or coffee, so those are out; she's on a very strict low carb diet so sweeties and gourmet goodies are out; not a big drinker, so booze is out; she doesn't do cute, so Etsy stationery or funky craft is out (I know this for definite because I gave her something like this once and she was just nonplussed); and she doesn't really go for fancy bath/body /candles/ homewares either. Gift certificates are no good - we don't have the kind of friendship where I could send her what is essentially money.

Things she *does* like, and what she's like: she's a journalist, a really good writer and whip-smart, but everything journalism related just seems a bit too heavy for the kind of cheer-up experience I'm after. The only other thing I can think of is she likes sudoku and crossword puzzles. But I gave her a sudoku book a while ago.

Arrrrrrgh! Also, I have $30AUD to spend, we're both in different parts of Australia, and it has to be postable.

Help me hive!

Thank you too much!

Bardolph — Tue, 26 May 2009 18:42:38 -0800

A friend made a really sweet, but kind of awkwardly generous, gesture. How to respond gracefully, while still giving her an out? (Just as a preface, I have a hangup about receiving gifts and favors-- particularly big ones. They make me feel miserable and guilty, as though it's my fault that the person went to all this expense/trouble, and I get freaked out thinking about just how grateful I'll have to be to make it up to them. So if this seems kind of like a retarded overthinking of what should be a relatively straightforward social situation-- well, guilty as charged.)

So I had a baby last month, and various friends were excited and supportive, including the church choir where I sing. About two weeks after the birth, someone I know from choir approached me and said she'd like to throw a party for the choir at her house in the baby's honor. This was a pretty overwhelmingly generous offer, as the group is large (~25 people), and the woman in question doesn't even know me all that well (we've hung out a bit in the context of other church groups, but never one-on-one, and no conversations beyond small-talk). She's not a wealthy retired socialite or anything, either-- we're talking a super-busy shift-working mom of two, so throwing a party for a huge group of people would likely be a big deal for her in terms of the investment of time and money.

At the time, I thanked her profusely, and probably a bit anxiously, and she closed by asking me to let her know some dates that'd work. Four weeks later, I still haven't been able to bring myself to contact her, largely because I've been unable to figure out answers to the following:

How can I give her a list of dates without sounding weird and presumptuous (like, "Ahem...the following are some good dates for you to schedule my party")?
On the off chance that she might since have rethought her initial impulse, is there any way to avoid Abilening by politely giving her an out? I'm especially concerned about this given that lots of people have already met the baby (brought her to rehearsal a couple times) so a debut party at this point might seem a little anti-climactic.
If the party does happen, is it appropriate for me to offer to pay for anything and/or help with prep, or would that be rude?
Said party won't end up devolving into some kind of shower, will it? Because the choir already got us a group gift, and OMG uncomfortable.
Although we haven't broken the news to anyone here yet, we're actually planning on moving out of the area in a few months. Does our secret lame-duck status change matters at all?
And lastly, regardless of whether this happens, what might be some nice ways to let her know how much I appreciate the really sweet thought?

What's that you say? Why yes, I am kind of a social idiot. Advice from anyone versed in intermediate-level-and-above interpersonal interaction would be much appreciated!!

How can I cheer up friends who had to cancel their vacation?

stewiethegreat — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:21:26 -0800

Friends are canceling a long-awaited vacation because one of them is ill again. She's been sick, on and off, for several years and both were looking forward to a respite in Hawaii, where until 2005 they traveled 2x a year. What can I do to show my love and support? So my friend Darla has something of a delicate constitution. She is in her 50's and has been ill a lot recently requiring lots of doctor/hospital visits. She often cannot sleep at night due to the pain and has multiple health problems plaguing her. She and her husband love Hawaii. Until 2005, they traveled to Kauai twice annually, have a tropical vegetation themed yard and have (tastefully) decorated their home in Hawaiiana. Think those awesome old menus in Hawaiian wood frames with indoor palm trees and stuff.

She's been too sick to travel recently but finally they were going to go to Hawaii next month, rent their favorite house and spend some time snorkeling, surfing, hiking, etc. (Darla is an expert surfer)

But now they have to cancel it. Darla's husband is sad and disappointed about it; Darla feels so bad and down about it that she can't even talk about it.

I have a close relationship with them; is there anything you guys can think of that could cheer them up or allow me to reach out to them in some way? I've thought of Hawaiian books, or a basket of goodies from Hawaii (though no idea where to get them). Flowers are probably out since they have better protea, ginger, plumeria, and bird of paradise than I could get from a florist. Also, I don't want to send anything that would make them feel worse!

Any ideas? Thanks.

Lovers

simplesharps — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 02:40:49 -0800

My best friend and I are sake (rice wine) lovers. Not lovers, because he's a guy. And ugly. But he's a great guy and I'd like to buy him some top quality traditional sake and a set of cups and bottle. We've both probably never had good sake, so I'd like a local store where I could go and find a selection of the better ones. Most stores on the Gold Coast, Australia carry Gekkeikan sake, toted as the word's largest selling sake in the world (!), and that's pretty much it. I'm looking near a $100 price tag. Maybe I could get a couple of the better ones and find out what's best?

And for the sake set? Maybe I could buy that online, I've already found some good ones so far but I'm still searching.

Thanks!

how do i do maltesers without doing maltesers?

taff — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 01:56:00 -0800

wit whim and whimsy filter: over the last 9-ish years or so... i have established a tradition of bringing a bag of maltesers http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maltesers to my darling friend every time we go to the movies. no idea how it started... but it's a tradition. now she has cancer. it's terminal. it's pancreatic. and she can't have maltesers any more. so bloody buggery bum.... i need to acknowledge our malteser "thing" every time i see her, but not with the actual packet.

she's really well at the moment. apart from the fact that she's riddled with cancer.... we're just waiting for her to become symptomatic.... so we can still do lots of things like movies for a while. or at least till she starts chemo. if she starts chemo.

she is under the impression that sugar/sweet things stimulate/feed cancer so she's trying to avoid them. i'm not sure of her rationale... but at this stage, she could insist on green eggs and ham and i'd support her.

soooooo... how do i do something maltesery every time i see her till.... i don't see her anymore.

the only idea i had was to give her one single malteser in some kind of ring box... but that's not exactly brillilant.

better ideas are welcome.

and i've no idea what countries have maltesers... wikipedia says the uk. i thought they were australian.... so sorry if you don't know the food. but that shouldn't stop you giving me fabbo ideas. thanks possums.

Gift or No Gift?

gadha — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 21:17:17 -0800

EtiquetteFilter: Need help on deciding about a gift for a friend I'm meeting in-real-life for the first time. Later this week, I will be meeting for dinner with a woman I've known for over 8 months online. The relationship is platonic friendship although she knows I find her attractive and good-looking (I've complimented her often on her looks). We are in daily contact, but it's often short, pithy e-mails with the occasional IMing. It seems we both enjoy the contact but by no means is it an exhaustive or very close friendship.

I was thinking of getting her a small gift when I meet her for two reasons: (1) She got me a couple of candy bars from overseas on my request and (2) I want to make a good impression when meeting her.

I was thinking of flowers or chocolate but on further thought can't help feeling it might be miscontrued and/or scare her off by making her feel I want something else from the relationship at present (I don't). She comes from a conservative/sheltered enough background that this is a sticking point.

The other alternative that springs to mind is to pick up the tab for dinner as thanks for her getting the candy (it cost all of $3) with the vague promise that I'll let her get it next time.

So MeFites, any opinions? Should I get her a gift? and if so, what's an appropriate gift that says "I think you're cool" without saying too much?