Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with getoverit

How do I get over a great relationship?

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 10:33:23 -0800

Please knock some sense into me so I can get over this break up. About four months ago my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. It was a total shock to me -- we had reached a point in our relationship where we were talking about moving in together, getting engaged, having kids, etc. We had even gone to a jewelry store to look at engagement rings a few months prior (his idea, not mine). His reasons for the break up were the following: he had become extremely depressed (due to a family issue), we were going to have to be long distance for the next year (due to his same family issue), and he felt that he couldn't focus on anything except keeping things together for himself, let alone a relationship.

Since then his attitude towards me has gone from "I'll always love you, and I think we'll get back together someday," to "I didn't love you at all for the last few months of our relationship, and it's over forever." On the few occasions when we've talked about these things, he still insists that the break up was solely about his issues and depression, and he only stopped loving me because of his depression, and nothing having to do with me or our relationship.

I know this sounds like a pretty classic example of "It's not you, it's me," but the few times that we've seen each other since the break up have really borne this out. We still have amazing conversations and make each other laugh; basically being around him feels like we're still dating, minus anything physical. It kills me that this relationship, which in itself was not flawed, has to be over.

However much it seems (especially on preview, yikes) that this is a big explanation of why we should get back together, I know that that's just not going to happen. So now I need to know how to get over this. The usual stuff about realizing how bad the relationship was or how I can do so much better don't really seem to apply here, seeing as the worst thing I can think of is just that he broke up with me. I'm incredibly depressed, and I know something has to change. I just don't know what to do. So... what should I do? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends about this anymore (they've been hearing it for four months already), so this is sort of a last resort.* Throwaway gmail account: sadandpathetic123@gmail.com.

* Besides therapy of course. I was seeing a therapist for a few months, but for logistical reasons, it's simply not an option for the next couple of months.

How do you learn to never ever infatuate someone?

Anonymous — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:25:41 -0800

Drama penguin of the day: I am infatuating a work colleague of mine badly and I am looking for resources to understand the nature of my infatuation to get over it. My life sucks right now, because I fell for a coworker. Not a bad ass guy, and I wouldn't mind work-ethics etc and actually could go for it, if there wasn't the following background facts.

1- Although it is about to end, I am in a long-term (and since several months also long distance) relationship and I am tagged as taken (also, the colleague has already met my boyfriend twice). Let' s skip this part of the story.

2-This colleague will be leaving the workplace in several months for a job overseas.

And less importantly:
3- I am neither the best looking nor the most confident woman on earth. I was raised in a social environment where it's not too welcome when women make the first move. Generally, I am shy towards guys I like in that way.

My brain capacity is reduced to 3% right now and I am very sad because nothing will ever come out of this. And even if it did, he will go away soon. I can pull myself somewhat together and we get along well as colleagues when we talk about this and that. We have once spent several hours together on a journey. I am pretty sure that he thinks of me as a pleasant person. I do not want to spoil this and destroy the nice professional relationship we have by saying or doing something stupid and freaking him out. I actually did such a mistake once with another crush of mine and it resulted in unbearable awkwardness.

This being the third infatuation in my life, should hopefully be the last one (I am turning 30 soon!) It's so sad that it's stupid to wake up every morning and think about that one person and be sad until you go back to bed in the evening, to have that constant hopelessness feeling in the back of your mind, messing up the concentration at work totally and in general feeling like shit all day, your mind full of recurrent and sad what-ifs.

Some more information: we are sharing the same office (with others), and there is no possibility for a change in office place. He once told me he tends to have short-term relationships. He is a nice, outgoing person, so if he had any interest he would have showed me (although here I tend to forget about my official relationship status). He is smart as hell, and actually he might be suspecting what is going on with me and kind of enjoying that as long as I am not going too far.

My work requires a lot of concentration and analytical thinking, at which I am really having some problems right now. I need my brain back. I just want to be happy without missing someone I don't really know so much. Sadly, the more I get to know him, the better I like him, but no matter how good it "could be", it never "won't be". And I think I should understand that.

My colleague will be away from the workplace for some weeks soon, and I would like to use this period of time to recover and to understand what is going on. I would like to start some sort of a healing process before he returns. How can I get over this? And how can I learn out of this?

I also would like to be armed and built up some defenses against future infatuations. I basically want to get smarter about why this is happening.

So dear MeFites, please share here with me whatever knowledge, ideas, literature or wise jokes or even song recommendations, really anything, you might have on this subject. What's the deal with a crush, why do we have it, why do some of us get so sad when having a crush? Is it abnormal? Why do we get obsessed with that one person? And why will they never love us back?

Can I learn to be a less dreamy, more logical person, at my age, before I get so sad about anyone?

My throw-away: needmybrainback@gmail.com (although I might not be able to reply right away). Thanks a lot. I love you already for your help.

How To Help Someone Get Over Me?

awesomebrad — Thu, 08 Sep 2005 05:28:44 -0800

CollegeRelationshipFilter: How can I help someone get over me? This gets a bit complicated. I've recently (two weeks) arrived at college and found a good group of friends. I had been talking to one of them, Person A, throughout the summer online, and he had begun to get the idea (despite my best efforts) that we would have a relationship once we were both on campus. A few nights after his arrival, he tried to kiss me, and I was forced to let him down (easily). He's become a good friend, which complicates matters, because he's been lying for days about being OK about the situation as he mopes around campus.

The big complication is that one of his friends (Person A is a sophomore, the friend, Person B, is a junior) and I have developed a mutual attraction, but now after two dates have been forced to put it on hold out of respect for the fact that Person A still has feelings for me. I'm anxious to get things rolling again with Person B, so how can I help Person A get over me? Also, what kind of (time) limits, if any, on letting Person A get over it should I set with Person B? Thanks.